How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids

This is an amazing, funny, practical and sensible book all rolled into one great package. I would recommend it for anyone with kids, those contemplating having children, or like me with no kids who enjoys reading Jancee's wonderful books!

I read this in giant gulps, because Dunn--interviewing researchers, therapists, and using her own marriage as a case study--examines how men and women approach parenting. It's far from one-sided. Dunn, who is an adroit, whip-smart writer, never forgets that there are two sides to her story. She provides a roadmap to how expectant parents can prepare themselves for the joy and stress of parenthood without submarining their relationship. This is an honest, wonderful book, one that I'll be returning to in the future.

I read this book as a personal improvement guide to being patient and careful with my wife. I am not entirely sure that I got everything out of this that I wanted to...except I think that there are a few major issues that I have found have more to do with modern living and less to do with the strength of one's marriage. First, there is a valuable lesson to be learned about modern expectations – most of the issues that draw great anxieties among parents and married couples happen to be a result of ridiculous expectations of holding ourselves up to some ridiculous competitive expectations among other married couples and parents. No one is perfect, our lives are all a ridiculous mess, and we are doing more harm than good with treating our children like helpless little princes and princesses (and we're reminded that our ancestors had the children working the fields as soon as they could stand). We aren't doing ourselves and our children any favors, in fact, we are actually harming them in terms of interacting with the real world. Next, we need to change our expectations of our partners and focus on our relationships., We need to take a stand for our physical and emotional needs, and as this is a book mainly for women, we need to not forget the importance of the sexual and emotional needs of our relationship – what happens after the kids move out if that hasn't been fostered? The relationship spent twenty years being unsurprisingly derailed, obviously. Finally, we need to understand that parenting is a process, and our children should not and cannot be the "center of our universe," but rather a part of our lives that should be embraced but not running it. Much of the tools that are presented are practical (being aware of everyone's schedule, making sure all chores and obligations are met equitably, and yes, even making sure dates and sex is scheduled, regularly, on the calendar). I knew what I was getting into in reading this book - and I can probably be lauded for taking a chance on it even though I am not its intended audience as the husband, however, I wanted to take a look inside the world of my wife to understand where some of her frustrations are coming from. What I learned is that I am doing a great deal more than many husbands, but that there are also many areas where I could improve. Obviously, I am going to ask my wife to read this next and have a conversation about where we land, but I feel like my time was well spent in reading it.

Thanks for putting the research and stats into this topic! Don't let the title fool you, this is about sharing the workload. I appreciated this book so much! I want my child to know she can be anything when she grows up and that never means she has to do it all when she's mom! Communication is everything! Empathy, teamwork, and communication! Thank you!!!!

Miracles of life? Or the murderers of marriage? "How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids" is an informative and funny book that helps you navigate one of the toughest transitions life has to offer. Jancee Dunn’s humorous approach to some of the most frustrating aspects of trying to be both wife and mother really helps put things in perspective. This definitely should be required reading for all new parents. Especially if you think you might want to have a second child in the same decade as the first.

This book was really entertaining. I love the style of book where a journalist tries out some new adventure for a year or so and then reports about it. Maybe cliche, but interesting! In this case, the author tried out different types of marriage therapy / parenting advice for improving her relationship with her husband when their daughter was about 6 years old. It was great fun to hear about most of her adventures. Because she's covering so much ground, I agree with another reviewer that she tends to cover research in a pretty quick way (I always like to hear the other side of nearly every argument, and you won't find that here), but for a casual read, I understand that. I also found that this book had me quite worried about how parenthood will affect my relationship with my husband; while I got some great tips, I also got more scared. However, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, so I'm grateful for the heads up :)

 Now, while I have neither a husband or children, there were a lot of moments where I found myself nodding along to something Dunn was writing about and before I knew it, I was reaching for a pen to write notes. I shared my other copy with my good friend, Amy who does indeed have a husband and two lovely kiddos (70% of the time by her own admission) and she said that this book completely changed her outlook and approaches with her family. From help with household chores, finding more ‘me’ time, and general happiness, I’ve seen Dunn’s book work wonders!
​​

          How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids is a humorous, heartfelt, and honest memoir/self-help book where Jancee Dunn describes how her marital dynamics changed with the arrival of their daughter. Rather than throwing in the dishtowel, Dunn made it her mission to seek out experts and therapists in a great attempt to save her marriage and, in the process, once again find the man she fell in love with. During one of her ‘me’ times Amy and I were discussing how after reading the book, we felt that Jancee had become a very good friend and her book seemed to be speaking directly to us about so many things.

          This is truly a book for everyone! Dunn is able to relate her firsthand experiences with such wit and wisdom that you’ll be simultaneously making mental notes and laughing out loud.

 

Wow. This is a must read book. Truthfully I listened to the audio book and really enjoyed it. I love how the author weaves together a ton of social scientific research with her own experiences. I learned more from this book than any self-help book I've ever read, possibly because it was written so well. I don't say this lightly - everyone should read this book.

I suggested this book for my book club thinking it would be a funny read for a group of moms. I've read previous work from Jancee Dunn and found it hilarious. But I was really surprised at how serious this book was. It's a how-to book on how to save your marriage after having kids! It's very honest as the author chronicles her own struggles that she and her husband experience with their daughter, their jobs, and finding time for each other. I "read" the audiobook, which I would NOT recommend only because there were passages that I wanted to highlight or dog ear, and with the audiobook, it was impossible to go back to "read" a specific passage or save certain passages. (At least, I couldn't figure out how to do it on my phone.) I would really like to purchase the actual book and re-read it.

A candid, insightful look at the reality of married life when the kids arrive. We all know it's a roller coaster ride every day. Jancee puts it out there for all of us with her very personal and real experiences. Told with so much humor!!! it's funny, scary and real. The perfect gift for new moms and dads.

I was looking for something light and funny to read after reading a few too many heavy, scientific pieces, and thought this would be a good choice since I'm in the midst of parenthood with a 1.5 year old. My husband and I barely ever fought before parenthood, but since my son was born that completely changed. I thought the book would have some funny stories that I could relate to, and maybe learn from...however I only made it midway through the 2nd chapter before deciding I couldn't go any further. The content plus the audible reader's tone just felt so negative, and I couldn't believe that grown adults in a marriage would really go to the extent of name calling. My husband and I have gotten in some pretty nasty arguments, but I could never call him a d***wad. I just felt like I was getting the opposite of what new Mom's need, building resentment instead of understanding. Maybe I'd have to keep reading to get to that part, but I'd rather not.

A MUST read for all parents. This candid and emotionally gripping personal tale will speak to anyone who has had children. Dunn does not hold back—the writer's willingness to share her own travails and expose the imperfect, often messy, truths of marriage once children enter the scene sets this apart from other parenting books. You will be laugh, cry, and nod your head with empathy. Beyond being a delightful and entertaining read, Dunn skillfully translates scientific research into practical, accessible advice you can—and should— use today. Reading this book is like sitting down with your best friends, your therapist, and parenting experts all at once.

This book is very well researched and written. I am neither married, nor expecting children, but it was still packed with quality information to improve a potential marriage or parenthood. The overall topic is still a little taboo so it's wonderful that Jancee Dunn is attacking these motherhood issues head on. Other authors she interviews and references are at the top of their respective fields, from marital counseling to organizational professionals. Not only does she tackle the issues of becoming a mother, she includes humor and glimpses into her own life. I highly recommend giving this one a read.

I absolutely adore this book. I bought it on itunes as an ebook and read it on my phone while breastfeeding and stewing about why my husband is such a dodo bird. I felt like it was written just for me. Every chapter, every anecdote, made me feel like I wasn't alone - It's not just my male that acts like this, it's all males! I found it very comforting and while I'm not a big self-help book person, I admit that I used many of its techniques and tips in my own life. There is such a lack of "truth talk" when it comes to what life is REALLY like post-baby and this was a breath of fresh air. Thank you, Jaycee, for this book!!

AHHHMAZING book! This book outlined a lot of serious issues in several marriages that I know of. My husband & I communicate well but there were still areas of this book that could improve our marriage. The concepts are backed with research & professionals in the field but never did it feel dry or textbook-y. I talked to a woman at work about it & she read the first chapter on the store then bought one for herself & her SIL. Actually, I think about 6 of my friends have bought this book;)

The title is misleading and really just an attention grabber. The beginning does start out as a woman venting about her husband, but then delves in deeper for marriage/couple issues, what he does wrong and why, what she does wrong and why, some child development, financial therapy advice, decluttering advice, and tips to help bring you and your spouse closer together. I absolutely love this book! It is so much more than the title! I will always recommend this book!

I just finished reading this book and I highly recommend it! Like Jancee, my husband and I had a great relationship and rarely fought before we had our kid. After the baby arrived, everything changed. We had to learn how to talk to each other all over again. I don’t love the title of this book (kind of click-baity) but the advice (backed up by solid research) is excellent.

Very insightful and useful book! Really helped me understand many of the tensions in my own marriage. Very well researched and written. A must read for any family with small children - the sooner you read it the better!

I had to hurriedly grab several books for myself at the library while chasing my 2 and 5 year olds. So glad I grabbed this! I love her writing style, I love the topic, and it is so relatable and useful. My husband was a little concerned when he first saw me reading it, but I told him about it and that I'm passing it to him to read as soon as I'm done im done! Really a great book for couples with kids!

"Common sense isn't very common," an expression a very dear friend shared with me years ago, is one takeaway from Jancee Dunn's most recent book. Ms. Dunn provides many forehead-smacking moments, and, whether you are a new Mom or you have child-raising in your rearview mirror, you will appreciate that you are a beneficiary of her excellent research and honest, empathetic, and witty prose.

This long awaited, humorous yet practical guide to navigating the intricacies of new parenthood speaks volumes of truth to the inequities of gender roles surrounding parenthood. I laughed, I cried, and I resolved to change the silent status quo for my daughters and son. Bravo Jancee. A must read for all parents and those contemplating parenthood!

The author cites many studies while using humor to present numerous methods that will help make a happier marriage. Step one was (It sounded like) 'don't have kids.' But whether or not you do, this book emphasis relationships, something most of us have much room for improvement on.

This long awaited, humorous yet practical guide to navigating the intricacies of new parenthood speaks volumes of truth to the inequities of gender roles surrounding parenthood. I laughed, I cried, and I resolved to change the silent status quo for my daughters and son. Bravo Jancee. A must read for all parents and those contemplating parenthood!

The author cites many studies while using humor to present numerous methods that will help make a happier marriage. Step one was (It sounded like) 'don't have kids.' But whether or not you do, this book emphasis relationships, something most of us have much room for improvement on.

What a brilliant read! Jancee Dunn brings a fresh perspective to what is often a very difficult time for young families. Humor, wit and insight flood the pages which made me realize that there are strategies to cope with any crisis. Thank you!

Great book!! We are well past the early child rearing years, but I still found many things applicable. Always love Jancee's hilarious sense of humor, too! Many parts had me laughing out loud. A must read!

A hilarious guide to navigating the pitfalls of post-kid marriage. Great read for women and men, touching on issues on both sides. Love the personal stories (esp. the marriage counselor episode) and the scripts it provides for ways to constructively move the conversation forward.

Equal parts funny and helpful, Dunn generously shares the struggles that all new parents face in a very personal and relatable way. A perfect baby shower gift or read for new moms (who obviously have lots of time for reading, right?), her book validates the feelings that so many struggle with below the surface. I appreciated how she incorporated lots of research, both studies and first-hand experiences, into the prose and offered lots of helpful tips and techniques without ever being preachy.

So smart, so honest-- and hilarious, which is KEY, because if you can't laugh at your marriage a little you're not going to stay married long. Dunn has always been one of my very favorite magazine writers for a long time, and I love her memoir, too. But she hits a whole new level here by opening her life up so she can help OURS. This would be the perfect baby shower/wedding gift--it will get a laugh before your friend even opens it--but it's no joke. It's a book people will return to all the time, like What to Expect. I loved it.

Excellent! Ms. Dunn delivers universal truths with examples so personal that you can imagine you're hearing it all while sitting at her breakfast table. Delivered in the same lighthearted style I enjoyed in her other books, this is a great and enjoyable read. A must-read for all parents (especially those who are still married).

Although well researched, I had a hard time listening to this author complain about her life. She has ONE child and both her and her husband work from home as free-lancers. It seems more than manageable but the author seems to find a way to display perpetual unhappiness with her situation.

I previously posted a review explaining why this book is misguided, hateful, and deeply damaging. But today I received a request from the store asking me to review it because I once bought it. So I checked -- my previous review disappeared.
This book is filled with falsehoods, which I have corrected many times.

This author is one of my heroes -- rock journalist and Rolling Stone magazine veteran Jancee Dunn. She is a massively thoughtful interviewer and in the sexist world that is rock journalism, she never got the credit that boys like Chris Heath who was working at RS at the same time got. I worked at Rolling Stone for five minutes in late '90s. Jancee Dunn is the only person on Earth that could possibly understand my fury over the injustice that parenting has done to my life so I eagerly await this book's arrival in my mailbox. I hung with Green Day, Beck and No Doubt before they had their first magazine covers and now my life is littered with Lego, folded paper airplanes and cracker crumbs. My kid is super and the opportunity to be a parent is a gift. I just wasn't prepared for the life-f@#$ that adding a kid to my life did to my brain + body while unfortunately leaving my pre-baby ambitions completely intact. Jancee, looking forward to your wisdom. I could use it. My husband would prefer that he didn't have to wait another decade before I stop hating him.