'It Will Never Happen to Me!' Children of Alcoholics

This book helps show the impact having an addicted parent influences our lives years after leaving home. Also her advice on how to overcome resulting behaviors and attitudes due to having lived in an addictive environment, was very useful

Claudia Black has written extensively on the subject of Children of Alcoholics (COA) and Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOA). In her book `It Will Never Happen to Me' she has combined her considerable talent for jargon free language with the words and expressions of those who have experienced life as a COA/ACOA. The result is a wonderfully insightful book that will bring clarity to a great many people.
A central theme of the book is an exploration of the roles that ACOA adopt as a means of coping with the events around them - the responsible one, the adjuster, the placater and so on. Often in childhood these roles are appropriate in that they enable the child to cope with their often traumatic experiences. However, in adulthood the over-dependency on these roles can lead to obsessions, neurosis, mental health problems amongst other issues. Furthermore, in a family where alcohol is used in an unhealthy manner the child learns to `don't talk, don't trust and don't feel'. Claudia Black gives the reader an insight in to the possibilities that exist for the adult child to break away from the scripts that have been set for them by others. The message is `it doesn't have to be this way'.
I was the responsible child, the hero of my family. I did well at school, was good at sports, succeeded in almost all areas. I went on the University, gained a good degree, a counselling qualification and then a Masters - as an adult I was fulfilling my script to be responsible, to achieve, to be the hero. I was also in a succession of relationships where I took on the role of carer, replicating the role that had developed in my family. Along with some therapy, the books of Claudia Black were pivotal in my change process, moving away from who others wanted me to be to the person I wanted to work towards being.
This book alone cannot change the behaviour of the ACOA, words after all are only words! What this book does however, is provide the right words - full of wisdom and experience - that can motivate and inspire the ACOA to begin his/her journey to wholeness.

I first read this at 13 when I was struggling with my alcoholic parents and I found this book so helpful. I only bring that up as other teens and pre-teens looking for a resource may find it helpful and validating. It was helfpul for me to identify that what was happening in my family was normal in alcoholic families. I could easily identify what roles my siblings and I fell into which helped me to better understand them and msyelf. It won't fix or cure the problem obviously, but it does help a child of an alcoholic understand the family dynamics and understand that what they are experiencing is common amongst alcoholic families.

So many words could be said about this important little book, but suffice it to say that it was the beginning of my healing journey that literally saved my life. I have given away more than 50 of them over the past 20 years. I's never, EVER too late to discover "why you are the way you are"... and that therefore, you are NOT doomed to repeat the almost guaranteed dysfunctional and destructive patterns of your parents/grandparents. Read this book... because the life you save will either be your own - or that of your children.

This book was recommended by my therapist. I had admitted that I was afraid of "becoming an alcoholic like one of my parents" and she insisted I read this. I have had it for about a year and have found it to be extremely helpful in being free from fear. Much of the book is based on relating the harsh, often buried truths of a childhood dominated by an alcoholic to the reality of our lives today. This makes it a perfect therapeutic starting tool for people just now coming to terms with the sources of their emotional problems. Much of the book is free of jargon and filled with real life stories, making it readily accessible to most age ranges and educational backgrounds. Well read adolescents and teenagers should have no trouble absorbing this book.

Much of Dr. Blacks focus is on understanding the negative patterns and roles we were forced to accept as children and learning how to break them, step by step, in our adult lives. The famous pattern of "Don't Feel, Don't Think, Don't Talk" is heavily examined. Fearing my emotions and living in shameful silence was a huge part of life until my early 20's. It was shocking to realize that this is a common thing and that I was never alone. Emotions and opinions were extremely discouraged in our home, but my friends without alcoholic parents never grasped that. It never occurred to me that there could be "others".

Her section on the 4 Roles played by children in the family was especially stunning - my family had 4 kids with all 4 roles. Learning that children can switch their roles or morph into new ones with adulthood was disturbingly telling - the responsible child can become the rebellious child to suit their needs, and so on. Finding new ways to destroy my role has become a priority of mine.

I often turn to this book at intervals when I feel like I'm in an uncomfortable situation. A work section in the second half of the text is dedicated to exercises that help you relate and understand your own personal experiences to the ones described in the book. These exercises have helped to really challenge my current thinking and are stopping the patterns in their tracks.

People from homes without alcohol will also find the patterns of miscellaneous abuse, drugs and anger in this book.

This book was given to me by my Aunt in my late teens and I have appreciated it ever since. Growing up in a family of alcoholics and abusers, you always know you're different but it's hard to articulate how or why. My Aunt is a recovering alcoholic and drug addict and reached out to me as she knew my mother was never going to get help and it's important for those affected by addicts to klnow how to better themselves and break the cycle that is created.

This book gave me tools to articulate and reapir years of damage and knowledge I needed to help heal the wounds. It gievs tremendous insight to the different personalities that develop in a dysfunctional environment and how to stop your behavior from painting you into the mold which you are so hard trying to break free of.

There are a lot of books today that cover these topics and lots of new perspectives on the topic. My opnion though is that this book, while over 20 years old, is still relevent, and still able to help someone like me who so desperatly wanted to make sure it would never happen to me.

Never has a book impacted me so deeply and profoundly. I am 35 years old and I never knew such a condition existed much less did I realized I was directly affected by the dysfunction. I have lived the life of the "responsible one" for nearly 20 years and the burden of this obsession/dysfunction finally took its toll.

I highly recommend this book to anyone that remotely thinks they could have lived within an alcoholic family. I am now seeking therapy and I'm looking forward to a much more fulfilling life and becoming the best father possible for my children. This book has helped to stop the destructive cycle associated with ACoA behaviors in my family and I hope others will find it to serve as a rescue device as well.

It Will Never Happen to Me is a book about the children of alcoholics. This book was not hard to read in terms of language, but instead subject matter. It was hard to read her straightforward insights without feeling pain. I related so much to the various roles she describes children of alcoholics as typically falling into. This book is great if you're looking for stories about people going through the same things you've gone through. However, it doesn't offer a lot of help in terms of moving on.

My wife Deborah R.N. and I have been evaluating and treating ACOAs in my psychiatric practice for many years. For any new patients who are not aware of ACOA patterns, we recommend Dr. Black's book. After reading it patients that they feel that the book has been written about them. My wife is an ACOA who has heard Dr. Black speak and she feels that her insights and suggestions are excellent. We both feel that this is the first book any ACOA should read and that it is the bible for understanding ACOA patterns.

Doug Bey M.D.Loving an Adult Child of an Alcoholic

Both of my parents were alcoholics, and when I read It Will Never Happen to Me in the 1980s it changed my life forever. Just this week I recommended it to yet another person. Most people I've given it to are afraid to read it, because it will bring back painful memories, but it is worth it. If some readers find the material in this book to be basic or familiar, they may not realize that it was the ground breaking book on this subject for a popular audience. All subsequent books for adult children of alcoholics owe a debt to Claudia Black.

This book is an incredibly accurate portrayal of life growing up in an alcoholic family. It discusses the profound effect alcoholism has had on my childhood, adolescents, and now, as an adult. It also gives excellent pointers on how to begin the long journey of reversing the problems.
Excellent, wonderful book!
If one or both of your parents drank -- or had a friend whose parents drank, buy this book.

Claudia Black's book helped me tremendously. Her insight into my experiences was uncanny. It was like she was in the house I grew up in. I'd definately recommend anyone who knows an alcoholic read this book!

A very moving, gut renching book that took me back to the reasons of why I will
never let it happen to me.
You need to be able to face your past and go on with your life.
Read this if you are truly looking forward to faceing your past and want
better future

I read this book after a colleague said it changed her life. I thought some insights and exercies were interesting but it really offered very little of how things manifest in the adult child and what concretely can be done about it. Clearly others love it so perhaps I am missing something, I just did not find it that helpful.

claudia black is a respected author in the field of addictions. she writes for adults and children for both alcoholics and their families. i have read many books in this area and she is one of my favorite authors. the book is short, accutate,compassionately written, and forever timely. worth reading!