Navigating the Complicated New Landscape - Girls & Sex

An important book for everyone to read, especially parents of daughters. Thank you Peggy Orenstein for not being afraid to delve into this topic and cover it so explicitly. The stories and statistics provide a better understanding of what is happening in the minds of adolescent females and what we can do to help them navigate this new world. We are parenting in a very complex and complicated time and we ourselves are trying to figure out how to behave sexually (thanks to the internet) let alone how to teach our children what they should or shouldn't do. This book gives new insight and hope for a very complicated issue.

This book points out the today's youth are living in a culture that has far fewer taboos regarding sex. Teenagers have easy access to pornography that misrepresents how it is done. The adult world is closer to accepting the reality that teenagers are going to have sex, so parents and schools need to educate both boys and girls on all aspects of it. Boys need to treat girls with respect and not use them for their own gratification, and girls need to understand that it should bring them pleasure, not just please the male. Despite the modern-day openness about sex, the title of the book makes it clear that it is still complicated.

If you are a parent, teacher, counselor, member of the clergy, or any other person who works with preteens, adolescents, and/or young adults, this book is a MUST read. Ms. Orenstein's book is not pop psychology, nor does it contain easy answers. It is well-researched, documented, and asks all the questions we should be asking. True to the book's subtitle, she presents the terrain, points out all of the landmarks familiar and un-, and shows us the places where the most vulnerable among us are likely to stumble and/or get lost. You will be shocked, you may be terrified, and you will definitely be educated. Something else, too: You will ache for what America's children are having to cope with, and you will be in awe of how most of them do it so well.

My only criticism of the book: she interviewed 70 young women, most who were attending good schools. I wish that she had interviewed 700 girls from all walks of life. But I understand that she could not have presented us with a 1,200 page book. As it is, I read this book over a weekend: I could not put it down.

Literally THE BEST BOOK I have read this year - and definitely in the top five books I've read in my entire life (including the Harry Potter series people). I purchased it as a beach read for my vacation and boy what a surprise it turned out to be! I've never read something that has prompted such elevated discussions in my life nor has spelled out how every day sexism truly influences all aspects of my life - grocery shopping, education, hair cuts etc. The conversations about womanhood that I had with my friends and especially my mother have helped me restructure my approach to many things in my life. Given the current climate of women's role in this world this book is more relevant than ever.

It's also VERY easy to read - which I think is perfect as it's an appropriate book for woman of all ages to read and digest. I can't recommend this book more than I have - it is simply revolutionary. Go Read It!!

Things have come a long way from the Kinsey report. Adolescence is a hard time and there is so much sexuality in their world. It is no longer as simple as boy,girl, straight or not.Pansexuality was not even an idea as far as I know when I was a teenager. This was helpful understanding adolescents and broadening my understanding of current sexual identities.

A great number of interviews here, representing a variety of points of view together with Peggy Orenstein's commentary. This is different from most books of this genre, but it is an easy read and I found many new and personal points of view in it.

Having been a fan of Peggy Orenstein's writing for many years, I expected this book to be fantastic, and it did not disappoint. As the mother of a young adult daughter, I know how tricky these conversations can be, but I also know that to avoid them is to leave girls to navigate our pornified culture alone. Orenstein has been writing about girls for over 20 years, and has built a trusting audience that is ready to embrace a book that might otherwise be seen as third-rail. In Girls & Sex, she reveals the inner lives of girls and young women who are trying to figure out how to have the same agency in their sex lives as they have in school, work, and other aspects of their lives. It was the quotes from the girls themselves that I found most riveting and that have stuck with me. The landscape is indeed complicated, but this book untangles a lot of those complexities and lays bare the painful and confusing layers of decisions today's girls must make about their own sexuality. I can't say that I turned the last page and felt that everything will now be sunshine and rainbows. We do have a lot of work to do. But I felt that with Peggy Orenstein's guidance, parents will have a much better understanding of their daughters' worlds, and some key tools to communicate with them while they are young and throughout their lives as women. I hope young women (and young men!) will read it as well. I can't recommend this book highly enough!

Orenstein presents an informative, eye-opening, well-researched & compelling text about the sexual world girls must navigate.
I highly recommend this book to parents. I may have my daughter read it.

This book should be required reading for any parent with teenagers in high school, male or female. I teenage daughters and gave each a copy. Young women are under pressure to navigate this difficult road as never before, especially in this age of social media. Not for the faint of heart.

Peggy Orenstein's previous book, about princess culture, guided me through the treacherous seas of raising a young daughter, helping me understand intellectually what I was wrestling with emotionally and politically ever day. I am so lucky that Peggy's daughter is a bit older than mine, because NOW I feel like this new book was written exactly with me in mind, a feminist mom in the American society which is still sending complicated and endlessly problematic messages to my now-tween daughter. The book just arrived tonight and already had an impact. My daughter saw the title as my husband and I discussed the book's arrival and she immediately asserted she would never ever be interested in sex and so her dad and I had nothing to worry about. We both knew not to take the easy way out and side step the topic. Instead, we explained that we expected that one day she would be interested in sex and that we thought that was a positive thing. Peggy, I'm glad you've also lit the path down this part of my journey parenting a daughter!

Peggy Orenstein as always does a great job explaining what is going on and how parents can better educate our kids about sex. It's not bad and it's a fact of life. Who better to learn from than the people who care most.

Peggy Orenstein as always does a great job explaining what is going on and how parents can better educate our kids about sex. It's not bad and it's a fact of life. Who better to learn from than the people who care most.

I thought the book started out real well. The author has obviously done a lot of work researching her subject. I gave it a four because I noticed her personal slant on things later in the book and at that point I became disinterested because it didn't really agree with my point of view. An interesting read nonetheless.

After hearing her interview on NPR, I was eager to find out more about the changing culture in the world of teenagers today. Although I was disturbed at times, it was a good honest look at what our daughters (and sons) are experiencing. I'm glad I read it and will recommend it to countless friends in the same boat.

A quick read. Makes me think that sex ED shouldn't be entrusted to just public schools, although I wonder what limitations does the law impose upon parents teaching their kids about birds and the bees?

If any comedian wants fresh material for their stand-up routine and want the audience to learn something too, here it is.

I can see why The ECONOMIST critiqued the book based on only the first chapter... nothing as shocking follows after it, or your sensibilities get deadened with the subsequent chapters.

Previous reviewers have thoroughly and adequately related their reactions to this book. I agree with them that the content is often compelling and insightful, especially for those who have young people in their lives. No reviewer, however, addressed the fact that this book is really a long paper, not a full-length book. The manuscript concluded at the 68th percentile of the electronic content. The remainder consists of 2 appendices, lengthy end notes, and a bibliography. These are useful for students, but ultimately, the publisher and author have deceived most buyers about the actual content and length of this book, especially in electronic versions. I would have preferred an honest blurb and commensurate pricing.

Full disclosure: I picked up this book as the mother of a young teen boy, not a girl. I am, however, a feminist, and have tried (and, so far, succeeded) to inculcate a respect for women, an ethos of honor, and an awareness of gender inequality in my kid. I was interested in what this book might have to say about teen sexual mores these days, and I did find a lot of it interesting and, yes, disturbing. I was disturbed by the way girls have commodified themselves in order to be seen as "hot," by the way many of the boys in this book seemed to take female passivity for granted, by the way the boys evinced an utter disregard for female pleasure, and by the mixed messages both girls and boys get about what level of promiscuity is "expected" and what tips over into "sluttiness"--a term that is only used for girls. I was firmly on the author's "side"--until she got to the chapter on date-rape, and the issue of consent. Here, it was obvious--no, glaringly obvious--that she considered every teen and young adult guy a potential rapist. She had no problem with the demonizing of young men, spoke to no boys who might add any nuance to this issue. Most disturbing was the part where one of the woman she interviewed let her alleged assailant's "name slip," the the author rushed to google him, only to discover that he was a good student and athlete. She then shuddered at the thought that he attended a college also attended by her nieces. She worried, pretty explicitly, that this kid would rape her young female relatives. Here, I had to put the book down. The author obviously has no use for teenage boys, and refuses to consider that some of them might be honorable young men who are struggling with the crap our culture dishes out to teens in lieu of anything resembling a real education in sexuality and its cultural representation. Boys are all guilty, girls all innocent. I am not saying that rape doesn't happen, and that girls don't suffer more in the mess of our culture's puritanical/promiscuous attitudes toward sex. Yes, yes, yes. I was a teen girl once, too. But there's also something else going on--boys, until they are adults, are pretty much guilty of everything until proven innocent. This is one of the reasons they lag behind girls in school, why they have trouble making good judgments even about everyday things. My kid has never been in trouble, but he is pretty aware that he walks a much finer line in the eyes of authorities than girls do. Blaming boys for everything, making the tacit assumption that they all want to rape girls at every opportunity--an assumption this book makes explicitly--does not solve the problem. I have already told my son that he should never even touch a girl who he suspects has been drinking (he's too young to fully get what this means, but it had to be said). I have told him that just because girls dress or talk a certain way, it doesn't mean anything in terms of "consent." I have told him that sexual conquests don't prove he's cool, or a man, or anything. But books like this make it harder, not easier, to raise a good man. I would like to see a more nuanced look that the issue, a book that talks to boys as well as girls, and realizes that boys are more than wild libidos looking for a vulnerable victim. They are confused, too. They want to do the right thing, too. They are human, and immature, and trying to grow up. Just like girls.

Parents--whether they have daughters or sons or both--need to read this book. I am lucky to have a great education, I read widely, try to stay totally up on what my pre-teen kids are doing and listening to and generally do not think of myself as "living under a rock." And then I read Girls & Sex. Turns out I really didn't have any clue at all about what kids might stumble upon if they see porn on the internet, or what those images are conditioning young people to think of as "standard fare" in an intimate encounter. I had no idea that so many teen girls don't expect let alone receive reciprocity in their sexual relationships. I had no idea that many (but not all) boys have not been taught to care about that aspect. It's a hook-up culture where neither party wins but girls lose more. And I don't want that for my daughter or my sons. I think the vast majority of parents don't want that. And I think KIDS don't want that--girls AND boys. So thank you to Peggy Orenstein for ripping the lid off this topic that nobody wants to talk in detail about. I know I'm going to change how I handle this topic for my kids and my friends from this point forward.

I bought this book after listening to an interview with Peggy Orenstein on NPR. To say I was I impressed with the author's research is an understatement! I know that things have changed, that sexuality in both YA and NA is different than it was twenty-something years, but frankly I was shocked by what is considered normal behavior in a "hook up" culture. As a mother, I feel it is our job to provide better role models. As a feminist, I feel like the women of my generation have dropped the ball. This book was both eye opening and helpful. I think it's a starting point. It's almost impossible to have candid discussions with our kids when the dating climate has changed so drastically. This book helped me to understand the issues, and will hopefully help me to do a better job at educating my own kiddo on making choices that won't lead to regret or guilt. Thank you, Peggy Orenstein, for your incite; and thank you, NPR, for introducing me to this author. I look forward to reading more of her books.

much hype ~ much disappointment. As the mom of teenagers....after seeing this book lauded with praise and compliments, I thought I should read it. I found it to be pretty empty and devoid of useful information. I guess I was supposed to be surprised, shocked and then gently shepherded into the line of thought the author wanted with new marching orders in parenting my teens. Um...no....unless your head is totally in the sand you will not learn anything worthwhile here. And if you parent with both an open mind...but hope for your kids to take with them wisdom and moral decisions driven by your/their values...then just forget it. So much disappointment here.

Orenstein brings her usual insight and reporting skills to this important book. If you have a teenage girl -- or if you are or WERE a teenage girl -- this is a must-read. Smart, readable, and important.

There is too much research cited that a parent might find readable but not my daughter who I bought the book for. Not sure it promotes safe sex, safety and consideration of both persons as I thought it was promoted to do.

Dear Author, thank you for writing this book. I thought I stopped dating because I was a pushover and couldn't say no, so it was best to stay away from men. When I read your book, I realized that I wasn't a pushover. Even when I thought I knew nothing, I realized that I wasn't having fun, I realized that I was being pressured to pretend that I was having fun, I realized the risk of STDs and unwanted pregnancy from careless men who didn't want to use condoms and thought it wasn't worth it. I paid for everything on dates because I didn't want to be pressured, but was still pressured. They judged me all the time, called me things like 'frigid' when I said I wasn't enjoying it. My early twenties were bad. The late twenties were better. Then in my thirties it got even better as I was more assertive. I hooked up with younger men who were very attractive and eager to please. It was fun. But I'm really not the sort of woman who needs male approval to feel complete. I'm middle aged now, single and when I want to indulge my romantic fantasies I don't call a man, I read a romance novel. Thanks for helping me realize that women like me aren't pushovers, we aren't frigid, we aren't "uncool". We just know what we want and don't let society dictate our wants and needs.

Once again, journalist extraordinaire Peggy Orenstein, presents a clear and important work that unpacks the loaded landscape of blossoming female sexuality circa 2016. Her other books have been important companions on my parenting journey as I raise both a son and daughter whom are benefitting from what I read in her books. While I am aware of many issues that hurt each gender in unique ways, Peggy has an amazing gift of presenting facts and information in a clear way that connects the dots and does so with such a loving spirit. I'm consistently impressed with her ability to write about things that makes my blood boil in a way that is not inflammatory. Her love for humanity and her compassion come through even when she is slicing through some very gristly stuff. This isn't a cheery read. However, in order to change things we must explore and then tell the truth so that this generation of girls and boys have the chance to experience holistic pleasure that is their birthright, and to do so in a respectful, powerful, lovely, consensual, safe way. Thank you Ms. Orenstein.

I was looking for a book about millennials, the world through their eyes, what was different from when I was very young, what motivated them, conflicts they had to deal with, etc. While the title doesn’t say that this was the book I wanted and internet search coupled with some of the comments and reviews did and the price was right so I bought it. I was wrong.

According to this book all young boys are pigs only interested in sex and young girls are highly submissive with little self will or esteem. It could almost be a copy of what has been written about the young 1,000 times before. If you are interested because of the title, have fun but there are no pictures and I seriously doubt the vast majority of high school and college girls fit the profile.

In the first half of the book the author confirms that 70% of today’s girls (13 – 19 years old) are “sluts” who can outdrink, outcuss, and outfornicate most adult males, yet they do not get the physical satisfaction that boys get. So boys must stop looking at girls objectively, evaluating their external female parts, and learn more about stimulating their penis-equivalent internal part. In the second half of the book she claims that, even though girls outnumber boys in college, 25% of them get raped by boys, and the rest of them don’t remember. Girls are entitled to call “rape” at any time, even years later, and it’s up to boys to prove conclusively that the girl did not say “no”, even if she insists on a condom. Proving a negative isn’t easy.
If liberals knew anything about science, other than global warming, or religion, other than paganism, they might not try to fill the void with fictional delusions which they try to impose on society. They don’t see the biological, genetic, or anthropological basis for gender, or race, thinking they are merely “social constructs”, easily manipulated. The biological fact that males produce a quadrillion sperm cells during a lifetime, while females dispense one egg a month for a little more than 30 years, might account for inherent differences in behavior. The Christian belief that Eve gave up her soul for the hoax of empowerment, making Adam take the first bite, might also provide some insight into human behavior. The author’s belief that the clitoris is equal to the penis is a little like comparing the female mammary to the male nipple. The author spends time describing female parts in detail because they are objectified by boys (and girls), but she never gives her 70 sample girls the opportunity to objectify male parts by expressing preferences.
Overall, it’s as much fun to read as Harry Potter, Twilight, or Hunger Games

Peggy Orenstein writes about the culture of American girls like no other writer. As the bestselling author of CINDERELLA ATE MY DAUGHTER, she looks at the dangers of our diva/princess-oriented world. It’s a world where every girl is encouraged to hold unrealistic fantasy expectations about a princess lifestyle, in which difficulties are overcome by pretty dresses, unicorns, and the love of a handsome young man with magical powers and undying respect and devotion. Her thoughtful introspection on topics so few dare to pooh-pooh in public makes Orenstein a valuable writer in our pop culture-obsessed world, where everything we do, think, eat, drink and wear comes from someone or something talking to us from a screen.

Orenstein’s newest offering, GIRLS & SEX, takes her search one step further. What happens when your perfect little princess enters into the Kingdom of Raging Teenage Hormones and the abject confusion of puberty and growing up? In high school and college, a double standard faces all girls as they wrestle with their sexual identity, gender identity and the rampant porn culture that has helped make the sexualizing of girls from a young age into a trillion-dollar business. Girls are traversing a new landscape, with social media making porn and darker sexual images the norm (not to mention all their mothers who thought 50 SHADES OF GREY was actually a romance and not a book about SMBD, and are doing their part in making that type of stuff more prevalent while expecting their daughters to adhere to a 1950s idea of what is appropriate and what isn’t). Orenstein looks at this and dissects it for all the damage it can do to our girls --- and the good it could do if more progressive mores win out over old-fashioned “don’t talk about it” mentalities.

Helicopter parenting is all the rage on playgrounds, and in schools and concert arenas, but parents are still finding it very difficult to get a grip on what their girls are up to when it comes to their sexuality. I will be honest: I wished this book had come out last summer when I needed it with my 15-year-old, whose issues with sexuality and gender came roaring up on us, and I had so little literature to read to help me through it. Things are working out okay because my daughter and I have worked hard to find a new way to communicate with each other as her life changes so fully. Orenstein would have been a great source of comfort to me through some confusing, disheartening, crazy scary and helpless times. Reading her book, I am happy to know that other parents like me who go through what my family experienced this year will find GIRLS & SEX a great source of information for a long time to come.

You will find a media consumed with the rise of casual sex and rape on campus incidents, yet there are no answers as to why this is happening now. Orenstein knows --- and she will talk about the things that no one else wants to discuss by examining the ways in which porn and the dangerous sexual myths it puts into the general discourse have upset so many young people’s lives, what being “the perfect slut” means, and why many girls lose their virginity earlier and earlier. She considers what has become the result of the hookup culture, and the true and scary realities surrounding sexual assault. She doesn’t settle for platitudes or quick fixes. Rather, she discusses how we have to change the way we look at all sexuality in order to help our kids navigate and understand their bodies, their feelings, the expectations of the world and its mixed messages.

Sexually transmitted diseases, alternative lifestyles, suicide caused by kids forced into college by fear and repressed parents, teen pregnancy, gender dysphoria… The list of all the nasty things children will deal with because they don’t have any true access to accepting their feelings and their bodies will get longer if we don’t pay attention. And soon. GIRLS & SEX is a powerful and important volume that hopefully will bring attention to the ways in which we can avoid the disasters of the past and present and make the future a more progressive, kind, happy and healthy place to be for all kids, especially our girls.

This book can save the life of your daughter. Please read it.

Audiobook available, read by Peggy Orenstein

Reviewed by Jana Siciliano

I really appreciated how much ground is covered by this book. Many topics are covered over a broad ranging subjects. What you get is an extensive look at the issues of today's girls will have to face in regards to sex. I appreciated the amount of research that Peggy Orenstein put into this book.

The writing style makes it easy to follow. I never found myself confused. She clearly gets her points across.

While I did enjoy it this is not the best book written on the topic. For that I would encourage readers to check out the masterpieceCome as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life by Emily Nagoski. Another good one is Vagina: A Cultural History by Naomi Wolf. So while I would highly recommend this book I think other books cover the material better.

The best part of this book, the most startling, is early on, where the author addresses the ever worsening pressures on girls related to body image. She gives current data and trends on removal of genital body hair and even labial surgery. Horrifying. After that, the book deteriorates into endless interviews with teenagers on hook-up culture, gender identity trends, campus date rape, on-line sex, and other topics already covered constantly in the media. I learned nothing new in these areas, and found the interviews boring and repetitive. I agree with the comment that most of the content in this book could have been captured in a magazine article.

Having said that, the initial segment on body image contained a lot of fresh information, and alarming data. I think a lot more needs to be reported and analyzed about girl's feelings about their genitals and the dreadful impact of the porn industry. I had no idea genital mutilation is fast becoming a "western" practice. Boys grow up now expecting girls and women to have hairless, perfectly shaped genitals, because this is what they have viewed in on-line porn. Apparently many men are now repulsed by female pubic hair, or variations in labia. Plastic surgeons are nipping and cutting at an ever increasing rate. SAD.

This is really a terrible book that never gets to 'Navigating'. Instead it's a collection of scary stories, and while true and appalling - can't go from anecdotal to generalizing. Yes we should teach our children, but books like this contribute to the problem of a sex-negative culture b/c now you are mis-informed on what to teach. Don't take information from a Journalist who at best discusses a sex as a social activity. There are biological aspects, cultural, emotional, and physiological that most adults are not prepared or intellectually equipped for; this book doesn't help. Read something better from Carol Queen or Emily Nagoski.

So, don't agree with all of Orenstein's conclusions (just the vast majority of them), and I think she has a tendency to be alarmist. But.... this book DOES look at teen sexuality in a very blunt, unflinching way. I listened to the audiobook in the car with my 14-year-old daughter, and it got us talking, which was unbelievably valuable. We talked about the different things she or I agreed with, what we didn't, and how my daughter could use the information to protect herself. So, I do recommend it, wholeheartedly. I also recommend listening/reading critically however. Use it as the valuable teaching tool that it can be.

"Complicated new landscape" is an understatement. This is an eye opening read on the new "social norms" for a modern teenager: alcohol as social lubricant, what qualifies as sex (apparently, oral sex does not - go figure), the difference in expectations of the experience for boys vs. girls, and so on. These are not the kinds of topics most teenagers would open up about, but that doesn't mean they're not subject to same pressures. A must read for every parent.

Really good book,about what our children need to know about sex BEFORE they have sex. Discusses the Dutch model of sex education, with frank and open conversations between parents and children as the begin to explore their sexuality and beyond.
Boys want romantic relationships just as much as girls do. Intimacy with a partner includes exploration of what feels good to the other.
It's all about communication - between parents and children, between partners.

I found the writing to be circular and painting an unnecessarily bleak picture. She quotes repeatedly from a handful of people to substantiate large, population-wide assumptions.This generation she describes has seemingly had less sexual partners than the older generations, going back 60 years. nbcnews.com/health/sexual-health/what-hookup-culture-millennials-having-less-sex-their-parents-n621746

For those interested in this topic, I recommend skipping this book and reading Male Peer Support and Violence against Women.

Male Peer Support and Violence against Women: The History and Verification of a Theory (Northeastern Series on Gender, Crime, and Law)

I read this book with interest because my niece is getting to the age when these issues will rule her life and although I'm around young people, I was curious to find how out much things have changed since I was that age. I had read her book "Cinderella Ate My Daughter" a few years ago, but had forgotten the author's name. The latter book annoyed me to no end. I agree that there are many questionable at best and downright stupid, harmful aspects to our culture, particularly for girls. But as I read "Girls and Sex", I kept wondering "where are these girls' parents?" And if Orenstein really wanted to do a more in-depth study, why limit herself to such a small, restricted sample? 70 girls (primarily from upper middle class backgrounds) does not a good sample make. I know she was limited to girls who responded to her query and to those who were willing to speak frankly with her, but then why not leave the gated communities and wealthy neighborhoods and talk to working class and poor girls? Puberty, coming of age, dealing with your sexuality affects ALL girls, not just those with rich parents who "do all the right things, have so much going for, have been accepted into Ivy League universities". And so does the culture--working class and poor girls face the same pressures to have sex, to be sexually available to boys and men, and I would have liked to know what kinds of choices they make. Do they delay having sex, after seeing how difficult it is for an older sister who had a baby out of wedlock at age 15, who had to drop out of high school, who has been struggling to get by on minimum wage jobs and government assistance because the baby daddy dropped her as soon as she got pregnant and doesn't help out because there's not enough money? Or did she make the same mistakes as her grandmother, mother, aunts, sisters, etc.?

Where are these girls' parents? Have they been raised by wolves? Do parents cede authority and any say in their daughters' lives and decisions (just because they have adult bodies at age 14 doesn't mean she is capable of making adult decisions at age 14) to the porn industry, to their daughters' peers (other teenage girls), to their daughters' "boyfriends" (used loosely as very few of them seem to be boyfriends but merely sex partners, with no more emotional or other connection beyond hooking up with her whenever he wants sex)? Don't these parents talk to their daughters?

And where are the conversations parents should be having with their sons? This behavior isn't happening in a vacuum. Maybe parents are fine with their sons having sex with girls without any kind of emotional connection because they don't see the same risks. After all, the boys aren't the ones whose reputations get trashed for their sexual behaviors, and the boys aren't the ones who pay the high price for teen pregnancy. But how about from a health (their own personal health) and a public health (spreading STDs) perspective? Granted, teenagers and young adults think 30 is ancient, that they're immortal and will live forever, and that nothing bad (like getting pregnant or getting STDs) will ever happen to them. But 30 isn't ancient, they're not immortal, and what they do now could impact their fertility and their ability to have children when they older.

I didn't think Orenstein was coming down hard on those who opted (temporarily) for purity and the purity pledges. I haven't seen that kind of thing in my area, but did see it elsewhere. I think she was right to call it what it is--somewhat creepy (fathers getting purity pledges from their daughters, giving them a purity ring, taking them to purity balls--seems like a wedding, but with dad marrying his daughter, and that is what I find creepy) and doesn't seem to address the real issue: that teenagers will have sex regardless of the number of rings, purity balls, and fancy ball gowns, regardless of how religious or non-religious the parents, family, community is, regardless of sin preached at them by ministers and other religious leaders, regardless of decisions NOT to teach sex ed in schools but to focus solely on abstinence, and/or of parents who think their kids are too young to learn about sex). The rates are just as high, but what is higher are the rates of out of wedlock pregnancy and STDs.

What I think Orenstein did well was to show how much of kids' sex education today comes from pornography, and how pornography drives boys' and men's expectations of women--not only for sex but for appearance and other matters. Again, where are the parents? Why are their kids watching so much porn, and how do they not know this or not notice? Why aren't they telling them that real women don't look like porn stars, don't behave like porn stars, and most don't like to have sex like female porn stars?

Earlier this year Time Magazine ran an article on pornography and how it is affecting men and their sex lives. The article showed how it is harming men, and maybe if enough people pay attention to porn's harm to men, things will change for the better for girls and women. I fear for my niece, if this is what she will be facing in a few years.

Very explicit, "Girls & Sex: Navigating the Complicated New Landscape" is not for those who struggle with explicit imagery or porn. Though it helped me better understand today's culture, I think the author's liberal ideology left a gaping hole when it came to understanding the intimacy and trust built in a long-term committed relationship. It also completely ignores the role media plays in cultivating a unhealthy disconnect between body and soul. Though I appreciate the idea that knowledge is power and will empower girls to speak up if they are uncomfortable with a guy's demands, I believe the information in this book should be taken to heart to address problems rather than simply trying to figure out how to navigate them. Until we clearly say the objectification of women is wrong and work towards cultivating respect, we are going to have vulnerable girls being assaulted or worse--trafficked by men who see them as a commodity. Attempts to make sex purely physical without addressing the need for emotional intimacy can only lead to increasing victimization.