A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships

Very useful and insightful book for men and women alike. Explains a lot of why we do what we do, feel what we feel. If you are ready to inspect your own relationships and make changes to improve things, this book is for you.

I have read this book before and bought this copy for someone I met recently who I believe will benefit from it. While Ms. Lerner and I would disagree on many things, this book and her other "Dance" books - I believe there are five total that I own - shed great insights. I read "The Dance of Anger" very slowly the first time over ten years ago. Even if you do not feel like you have unresolved anger, or if you are a guy, there is probably some new insight about family dynamics you can take away from reading this book.

A very useful guide to dealing with suppressed and hidden anger. The author shows how anger awareness is an important pschological tool.

Although written from a woman's perspective, it is very helpful for anyone dealing with these issues. It also has many helpful examples of how couples can improve the way they communicate.

I opted to go to counseling before getting married. I had been married before for 14 years and that marriage failed. I did not want to make the same mistake again. My now husband and I dated for 4.5 years before getting married because we wanted to spend a lot of time together to make sure we were making the right choice in order to set ourselves up for success rather than failure. My counselor asked me to read this book and I am so glad she did. The book is not the easiest or most exciting read in the world but it has tools in it that can really help people if they choose to study it. The book was especially helpful to me in teaching me how I was playing a part in the dance or circle of anger in my previous marriage and it helped me to step out of that role and discontinue that behavior. A great education for anyone, male or female, who is in a relationship with someone who often gets angry. (Luckily my current husband is not like that)

Wonderful and realistic guide to seeing ourselves and others, and understanding intimacy, anger, and denial. This book offers counsel on how to move on with our life, emotionally and/or logically and the tools we need to do it right.

A friend recommended this book to me after reading my blog. This book prompted me to seek out counselling. The book will show you almost every situation in life and give you really clear outlays to deal with your anger as a woman. I would definitely recommend this book to anyone that is dealing with anxiety in their life.

Harriet Lerner's THE DANCE OF ANGER has been around for a number of years and it is still a classic and quite useful for anyone who wants to understand how anger works and doesn't work for them. It is most clearly aimed at women but men can also benefit from what this very wise therapist has to say. It's a book I continue to come back to and I recommend it to many of my psychotherapy patients.

Very well written . Concise and to the point which I feel gets the reader to a better understanding of key relationship issues without over complicating . This book should be handed out to every woman!

This book is extremely helpful. I often wondered why I give up so much of my own personality to blend in. Now I am working on recovering my personality so I can be a leader and be myself. I am sure there are enough doormats in the world without me being one too. Everyone should read this book!

This book is extremely helpful. I often wondered why I give up so much of my own personality to blend in. Now I am working on recovering my personality so I can be a leader and be myself. I am sure there are enough doormats in the world without me being one too. Everyone should read this book!

We can all use a little help recognizing, accepting, and managing our anger in healthy ways. This book helps you do that. 4 stras because it was more a read for knowledge than a book I couldn't put down or couldn't wait to share.

Even this book was originally published decades ago. I was astonished at the insight & "revolutionary -ness" of its ideas. I was skeptical when some of the reviewers claimed it changed their lives, but now I clearly see why. My therapist has skirted around many of the concepts Lerner has talked about, but Lerner dives deep & explains WHY certain strategies work (& don't work!) when it comes to showing up authentically to our loved ones. Who knew that facing the fact that you can't change other people could be so liberating?! The case studies are REALLY helpful too (though her professor-style questioning after each one is a little annoying, but that's just me). I never read books more than once (there are too many good ones!), but I'm starting this one over again as soon as I finish writing this review! Highly recommended.

I started therapy because I wanted to be told that I was "right" and that my marriage was in trouble because my partner was an awful person. After all, there was nothing "those psychologist people" could tell me that I couldn't figure out for myself, if I just read the right book, right? Well ... it turns out that I was VERY wrong about a great many things, and therapy became a 2+ year learning experience for me ... painful, humbling, humiliating ... and the most rewarding gift I ever gave myself. I remain forever thankful to the wonderful therapist I had, who led me to the beginnings of understanding myself and helped me become a MUCH nicer person, better mother and someone who finally had a successful marriage. This book is one of the suggestions she gave me for reading material. It is the kind of thing that makes you gasp and wonder how the author could have zeroed in on your personality without ever having met you! Please, please, PLEASE give this a try if you are having difficulties in a relationship with a parent, spouse, ANYONE!! You just might get to know yourself a good deal better!

I thought this book contains some excellent tools for communication and getting down to conversations that really matter. An especially subtle issue that the author takes on is that of emotions being neutral -- they are not "right" or "wrong", they are just what a person is feeling at the moment.