A Woman's Guide to Courageous Acts of Change in Key Relationships

Thoroughly enjoyed reading this aloud together (in bed). Lots of apply-able concepts, excellent illustrations from real people. Provides insight & understanding - the keys to getting along! Contrary to the title, its not all about sex - its 100% more about Connecting Well in relationships that are of import to you. I learned that "distancing" from my family is not due to lack of care but due to an overintensity of emotion & reactivity to it & high anxiety because our relationships are so explosive.

This is a book that does provide some good insight into the 'distancer' and the 'pursuer' that the author discusses in relationships, that being, the one that wants more closeness, and the one that wants more space. On that the book is helpful so that you can better understand the dynamics of a relationship. If you like studying relationships in general, this is a good book to read. If you are looking to make significant positive changes in your life and in your relationship, I suggest getting this book along with "Stop Being the String Along" by Barbara Rose. I feel that both books provide valuable, even life changing insight.

I read this book several years ago, and it really opened my eyes to a lot of hidden dynamics in all of our relationships. Several years have passed since then, but thank goodness I bought it, as I plan to read it again soon. I recommend it to absolutely anyone. Read it - you will be glad that you did! I would not hesitate to pick up any of her books, after reading this one.

After reading the Dance of Anger I was very eager to read this book. It is amazingly helpful. I especially appreciated the chapters on distancing, "overfunctioning" and how to bring up very hot issues with difficult people. I liked the author's realism, that she tells us that it's OK to move "at glacial speed" and that it's the direction and not the speed of travel that matters. She has so much wisdom and gives so much concrete advice without oversimplifying things. I also loved the chapter on "defining a bottom line" because it helped me make an important change in a relationship where I was complaining, but not really taking a bottom line position. Plus, Lerner is a great feminist in the best sense of the word.

My pre-marital counselor suggested I read this. I had difficulty establishing intimate relationships and had been used to keeping my relationships shallow. This may work with co-workers and friends, but when marrying someone, it is very essential to develop a real emotional connection with your mate. This is something I couldn't fake. After reading this book, I began to change the way I looked at all relationships and have been made comfortable letting my guard down and allowing people I love to get to know me at a deeper level. This is a great read. Read slowly, so that you can absorb!

I ordered the books (anger.deception.intimacy) from the author and I enjoyed them. However,something that I noticed was that the author does not anywhere acknowledge her clients who HAPPEN to be the source of her material for her books. She gives a short paragraph about the clients on the flip side(next page) of the "thank you's" page saying basically that she has changed everything about the person so that she may use their material. I spent most of my life being minimized or discounted or negated by people like this who could use my life's material for her own personal gain and frankly I am offended by it. I find it extremely distasteful that she (the author) thanks every teacher, scholar, professor, friend,thanks her husband and kids for her success and does not EVEN begin to thank her clients who, if she didn't have them, who be a big NOBODY in this business. How Narcissistic! I plan on counting up the number of people the author owes an amends to.....I have looked over every single book and have not found acknowledgement, if I am wrong...please let me know...

The author is an old-school woman, who ignores the postmodern realities of a godless society (We became officially atheistic when the clergy began sublimating its erotic desires with the help of children).

Nowadays, we don't possess any vulnerabilities, since there's no longer a moral authority to declare anything "deviant" (like homosexuality, bestiality and pedophilia). So the need for "intimacy" (where one can relax the "ego" and activate the "id," without fear of judgment) is gone. This is because we can openly discuss our "strangest" proclivities with anybody, in any setting, without fear of punishment from an "overlord."

Nowadays, the emphasis is therefore on sampling different sexualities, with different objects (irrespective of age or biology), rather than in clinging to the naive, antiquated notion that we'll eventually be rewarded for "restraint" via a "magical" reunion with our "Creator."

The author is an old-school woman, who ignores the postmodern realities of a godless society (We became officially atheistic when the clergy began sublimating its erotic desires with the help of children).

Nowadays, we don't possess any vulnerabilities, since there's no longer a moral authority to declare anything "deviant" (like homosexuality, bestiality and pedophilia). So the need for "intimacy" (where one can relax the "ego" and activate the "id," without fear of judgment) is gone. This is because we can openly discuss our "strangest" proclivities with anybody, in any setting, without fear of punishment from an "overlord."

Nowadays, the emphasis is therefore on sampling different sexualities, with different objects (irrespective of age or biology), rather than in clinging to the naive, antiquated notion that we'll eventually be rewarded for "restraint" via a "magical" reunion with our "Creator."