Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior - Get Out of Your Own Way

Absolutely life changing book. I have been working on healing. I've been struggling with depression and anxiety. This book has helped me see how i was creating my own obstacles. How I developed coping mechanism that are unhealthy. It also gave great advice on how to correct these issues. I've thought of buying a copy of this book for a few people i know. It has been so helpful!

I loved this book! In a way, it honestly changed my life after reading it. It gave me insight on certain things I never even thought about before. I liked how it gave examples of real life scenarios and simple ways to help fix the issues or how to see the situation in a different light. I totally would recomend this book to anyone who needs a little help moving in the right direction in life. This book truly helped me... If you looked at my copy of the book, you'd notice I high lighted many important parts of the book. I can easily look back at the important parts of the book now that I particularly liked easier by just reading the high lighted parts over again.

This book purports to give you clues as to actions and activities that you take that are preventing you from achieving success and happiness. While this is a very worthwhile objective, most, but not all, of what Dr. Goulston "reveales" is so obvious that anyone even remotely interested in their own psychology would already know it. For some examples, he "reveals" on page 11 that you shouldn't excessively procrastinate. On page 6 he tells you not to get involved with the wrong people. On page 96 he says don't have unrealistic expectations; how about on page 54 he discloses the "startling" observation that people will get upset with you if you break your promises to them. Well "Duh"

While there's not enough of them, there are a small amount of points that are not obvious and are somewhat useful; these and the even fewer really good tips is why I gave the book 2 stars. For example, if you've made a mistake and done something to hurt somebody it often isn't enough to simply say, "I'm sorry". He discusses, in some detail, the proper steps to go through, notice I said the plural steps not just single step, as the proper way to soothe hurt feelings. An example of, at least for me who tends to give advice, of a really good point was his discussion of the fact that very often people, while they may appreciate your information, really came to you just to be able to share what they're feeling with somebody who cares. That usually isn't what jumps right into my head first thing. Being a problem solver type, I can't imagine why they would be telling me about this situation unless they wanted information or an answer. The expression Dr. Ghoulston used I thought was particularly well stated, "People often don't care how much you know until they know how much you care."

BTW: On the other hand his new book, "Just Listen", which I'm halfway through reading and will review shortly, is absolutely awesome when it comes to dealing with people who are upset either with you or in general. It calls on his experience as a hostage negotiator, and his experience shows in his latest book!

Spent time reading to get a rough outline of self distractive behaviors on paper. Needless to say this book opened my eyes to the things I have been doing wrong, and has given grate advice for working on getting out of my own way!

If you like this genre (self-help), it's a good addition to the existing literature. It's easy to relate to the content of each chapter, and I've recommended it to others several times since reading it a few months ago.

Maybe I've just read to many "How To" books, but I was looking for a different approach to my issue, maybe something more aggressive. This is a nice book with plenty wisdom, but nothing I didn't already know or tried. So although it wasn't anything new, it just kind of was a re-affirmation of things I knew and should be doing.

Arrived on time as promised in good condition. The book itself is pretty much full of Confucius type quotes, seems like it should be titled the book of common sense a.k.a. things you should already know

Don’t waste your money. I had high hopes for this book, and I couldn’t even make it halfway through. Too many “stories” about other people. I don’t like when these types of books are written that way. Not helpful in any way.

Overly simplistic, but to the point. Great resource to help identify your hangups &/or the hangups you have with other people. Would still suggest a more in depth therapy session, support group, & self evaluation to determine the next course of action for a more permanent change than the general suggestions given in the book. Still holds true over time so still worth a quick read.

Read this last night before I fell asleep. It was very engaging and informative. I made notes in the book as well. I will keep this book for reference. Thanks to the author, Mark Goulston - superior read !

Reading through this book reminded me of the movie, "Mystery Men". In the movie, a mysterious superhero named 'The Sphynx' trains the hapless group of heroes to get ready for their fight with the bad guys. During the training, he would say things like, "He who questions training only trains himself in asking questions." Or "If you care for what is outside, what is inside cares for you."

The authors of "Get Out Of Your Own Way" seem to have trained under The Sphynx as well, because the depth of their advice on issues like conquering fear, obsession, guilt, and procrastination can be summed up in the pithy sayings you might find in a fortune cookie.

If you are looking for a book with an intriguing title to put on the back of the toilet in your guest bathroom, then definitely purchase this book. Or if you are a medical professional, this book might be appropriate in your waiting room, as the advice contained therein would fit quite nicely next to a Woman's Day magazine headline article.

But if you are looking for serious advice for overcoming self-defeating behavior, then don't waste your money or your time on this book. It would be as effective as trying to break up an iceberg with a pick-axe.

There is certainly some good advice...much of it common sense, of course. Useful...but a bit simplified for complex situations. I haven't read any other self-help books so I don't know how it compares to other similar books.

I really expected more out of this book but was disappointed. Instead of talking about general ways to "get out of your own way" it is organized by short chapters of maladaptive behaviors, most of which did not apply to me. Sorry, Mark Goulston.

This book was extremely focused on relationships and I felt like I was learning more about how to handle situations with other than anything individually. The first section was promising then I just felt it lost its focus to the synopsis and became a relationship book. However I do plan on keeping it on my shelf and may find it more helpful in the years to come. A very short read that could easily be done in a day if you had the time. I wouldn't recommend it if you are expecting to work strictly on yourself.

I enjoy the book and find it very insightful. But I didn't realize that the book was previously used and written in. That is a huge pet peeve of mine, I can't stand writing in books when I buy them. It was a disappointment, but that is my fault on my end. Good book definitely worth the buy though.

I ordered this to read on my iphone through Kindle. I was very impressed with how simple the process was to order and download the book. I haven't finished reading the book yet, but what I have read, I find enlightening and helpful.

This book is really a nice find. It gives you a no nonsense approaches in keeping you afloat and ready to face each day with a positive attitude. I have never felt so rejuvenated after reading this book and it surely is a great supplement for people who would want to have a positive outlook in their lives. I could give a perfect rating if there are some notable spelling checks but nonetheless, it doesn't even come close to what this book is all about. Before coming across this book, I also read Easy Way To Have Swag: Get Out Of Frustration And Have Some Confidence (Three Easy Steps Series) which is a good book about finding renewed confidence in you.

Sometimes as a priest I have to keep repeating this topic to my congregation to help them in their re-orientation. This is because human mind need a constant tutoring and constant update to stick to an idea and a concept. Sometimes we are the masters of our futures and fortunes. We build ourselves and sometimes destroy ourselves given to our orientations. Many of the reports i often deal with are those who point fingers at others being the cause of their life situations. We sometimes tend to believe that others must play the tone for us to succeed in life, but we are the ones who should play our tone to set our music of life. This work is a hit on this aspect. it really point to the fact that all we need is an interior push for us to reach our heights.
selves

This is an excellent book for anyone trying to determine their self-defeating behaviors. My favorite aspect of this book is the quick "Usable Insights" at the end of each mini chapter. For example, Chapter 12 is titled "Focusing on What Your Partner is Doing Wrong." The Usable Insight at the end of this chapter is "If you really want to work on your relationship, watch your partner's efforts, not just your own" (Goulston and Goldberg 52). The authors then provide seven bullets on how you can use this insight in the "Taking Action" section.

Although I enjoyed this book, I only gave it four stars because I think it is somewhat geared towards self-help beginners. If you have read many self-help books of this nature, most of the discussion in this book will be old hat for you. I personally did not find any new insights, but it was a good way to refresh knowledge I learned from previous books. Also, the book does not provide any in depth analysis ever. It breezes through the sections very quickly, and provides more of an overview of the larger problem. If you have a very serious self-defeating behavior, you will want to find a book geared specifically towards that area.

5 stars as I really need to get out of my own way. Great insights and full of advice. I even bought this for a friend who also has become his own worst enemy from time to time.

I find that when I start doing something self destructive I stop and think about what I read in the book. It really brings real thought to mind and is great for self improvement. We all want to become a better version of ourselves and sometimes just need a little help along the way. Great book

I didn't expect I have found the majority of the materials useful after reading so many other books and online materials. The beauty of this book is that it is not heavy and repetitive, unlike 99% of other books which are usually 20% materials and 80% fillers. Every chapter is filled with useful materials. Don't just read it yourself, have your kids read it too. My life would have been so different if I were given this book as a teenager.

As a mindfulness based psychotherapist, author and teacher, I found the advice in this book to be very helpful. I find that when such good strategies as presented here are combined with mindfulness meditation, which provides a way of of establishing a healthy, non-reactive inner therapeutic space in which difficult emotions, depression, anxiety and trauma can heal. If you would like to couple this sound advice with the healing power of mindfulness, then I also recommend 'The Path of Mindfulness Meditation' available through the store.

Dr. Goulston writes with humor, humility, and humanity. You feel like he's been there. It's easy to be open to his advice and act on it.
I related to many of the 40 self-defeating behaviors, but none more than procrastination, which has caused me to miss many boats over many years. Dr. G's insight is that procrastination is related to loneliness, and that if we can find ways to partner with other people, it helps us stop procrastinating. I've been putting that technique to work on writing projects (talking about lonely!) and it has been helping me for the past several months.
When I first read of the relationship between procrastination and loneliness, I told our friend Veronica about it. Veronica is a single parent, the mother of two young girls. She told me that the night before, tired after a full day at work, she had faced the task of cleaning out the kids' closet. She wanted to go to sleep rather than face that closet alone. Instead, she called a friend on her portable phone and talked to the friend for two hours while cleaning out the closet. Veronica overcame loneliness and procrastination, and confirmed Dr. Goulston's insight, all with one phone call.
My wife was also impressed with the book, although she tends to dismiss pop psych books. She says I should definitely use the book to overcome my self-defeating behaviors (I've noticed her employing a few of Dr. G's suggestions as well). Now I'm going to reread it.

Mentally healthy people are not threatened by the success of other people, insecure people are. This book helps you to rise to level of the healthy group. Don't be so hard on yourself in the process of growing healthy mentally. We're told, "self-flagellation is ultimately self-defeating. It's important to distinguish between hating yourself and hating something you did."
In part we receive positive feelings about ourselves based on our ability to give something of value to other people. Being other conscious rather than self-focused fits the mentally healthy personality. When you give a person your undivided attention you are giving them something of value.
The practical advice in this book will enhance your interpersonal skills. The suggestions are, generally, solid and doable.

Every now and then you find a book which hits you right in the face with an honest reflection. Filled with insight, practical and life changing this book definately supports those amongst us who struggle with needing the approval of others - to achieve in their own right. Self defeating behavior is a common theme in life, and as this author points out, many of us suffer from it until we learn to be strong and the hardships of life force us to grow. Brilliant book for those searching to achieve. Truity Williams from Wanabelong (dot) com.Author: Book of Choices, Workbook of Choices (series)and creator of the board game TRUITY Game of Choices.

I been getting in my own way all of my life. I just would not admit it to myself until I got this book. A fellow inmate here at Terminal Island took back his copy of Get Out of Your Way, but after I wrote Mr. Goulston, he was kind enough to send me my own copy. I read this book already 4 times and I'm gonna use it in my life when I get outta here so I never have to go back to prison. Thank you Mr. Goulstone.

Goulston and Goldberg's book is the first self-help book my husband has ever read. He told me it was because it had no psychobabble and gave him steps he could use. (It also helped him to forgive his dad after 20 years). Each chapter is only 3-4 pages so someone like my husband can get in and out of the book in five miutes and get something he can use immediately. He even said he'd read another book by these guys.

The author has plenty of short quotes sprinkled throughout the book, many of which I have found as helpful as the text - I hope Dr. Goulston doesn't mind!
As soon as I get moved in a few weeks, I'm going to order my own copy of this book.
I have already written out a number of the quotes and plan to post them at home and at work.
This is a wonderful book; my thanks to another the store reader who recommended it.

I think Unleash the Rebel Within by another author helped me more but this book had some practical advice. I liked that it wasn't too pop psychology. I think I would recommend it to my clients with self-defeating behavior.

This book is worth its weight in gold. No hocus-pocus quick fixes here - just common sense in short chapters on a myriad of methods human beings use to screw life up for themselves - or should I say "ourselves"? I saw myself on many pages, to one degree or another, and the "Usable Insights" were actually useful!! Very few authors go as far at stripping away the delusions people hide behind as Dr. Goulston. For anyone who REALLY wants to get to the nitty-gritty about how self-sabotage is hurting him/her, this book is a true gift!

Great book, easy read providing so many powerful simple and effective tools.
Enjoyed reading it and learned several things I could totally relate to.

Thanks

Ana Weber
Author of best seller book "Sweet Nothings Lead you to everything"

Books filled with quotes are just too short. Books that explain and explain are just too long. This book is just right in length. I also learned something about my dislike and difficulty reading. Normally I don't read more than a few pages at a time, then when I go back I have to start all over again. It's real drudgery and reminds me of the difficulty I had with reading assignments in school. I read this book start to finish in less than two hours. What was wierd was that I couldn't put it down. Every time I finished one of the 3-4 page chapters I said, "Okay, I'll just read a couple more chapters and put it down." But it was like eating pistachio nuts. I just kept reading and reading until I finished. It's the first time I ever read a book all at once.

This is a valuable book. It provides clear insight, compassionate understanding and practical solutions... Use it as an manual to free yourself from a self-imposed prison and create the life you truly want.

I'm suffering from mild depression and I expected this book to be helpful for depressants to change ways of thinking and behaving but... It didn't help my depression a lot but it became a big help in my relationships. This book can make you feel worse or frustrated at times if you are sensitive and depressed. You may feel the author looks down on you or you may feel hurt.
This book is,however,very helpful for people having troubles or stress about relationships with their spouses,friends,family members,and colleagues at work.
This book is very easy to understand and each chapter is short enough. You can share the author's experience and it makes the book interesting and compassionate. You'll be surprised at his acute perspective and practical "easy-to-apply" solutions.
Each chapter's title
1.Chasing After Love and Approval from a parent 2.Getting Involved With Wrong Person 3.Procrastinating 4.Expecting Others
to Understand How You Feel 5.Waiting Until It's too Late 6.Getting So Angry You Make Things Worse 7.Saying Yes When You Want To Say No 8.Holding a Grudge 9.Assuming They Don't Want Anything in Return 10.Playing It Safe 11.Always having to Be Right 12.Focusing on What Your Pertner Is Doing Wrong 13.Putting up With Broken Promiss 14.Trying to Make up While You're Still Angry 15.Not Learning From Your Mistakes 16.Trying to Change Others 17.Rebelling Just for the Sake of Rebelling 18.Talking When Nobody's Listening 19.Pretending You're Fine When You're Not. 20.Becoming Obsessive or Compulsive. 21.Taking things Too Personally 22.Acting Too Needy 23.having Unrealistic Expectations 24.Trying to Take Care of Everybody 25.Refusing to "Play games" 26.Putting on an Act to Make a Good Impression 27.Being Envious of Others 28.Feeling Sorry for Yourself 29.Assuming the Hard Way Is the Right Way 30.Thinking "I'm Sorry"is enough 31.Holding It All In 32.Quitting Too Soon 33.Letting Others Control Your Life 34.Leaving Too Much To Chance 35.Letting Fear Run Your Life 36.Not Moving on After a Loss 37.Not Getting Out When the Getting Is Good 38.Not Asking for What You Need 39.Giving Advice When They Want Something Else 40.Backing Down Because You Don't Feel Ready
If you take interests in a few or more titles,you should buy this book. I bet you'll enjoy all chapters !

Mark covers 40 self defeating behaviours in this book, each with its own chapter. This makes it very easy and fast to read. In the end of each chapter is usable insight and bullet points on how to deal with the behaviour.

I would recommend this book to a person who would like to understand more about himself, as well as his peers.

The first self-help book that I have read from cover to cover and go back to review one or more chapters when I find myself falling back in to old habits. The author shows a gift for finding language that is easy to relate to and through quotes, usable insights and action plans, provides the reader with the foundation for change.

In this day of myriad self-help books, I find that most are simply rewrites of one another. Dr. G's book can be read as the Cliffs note version of self help books. It's a quick read, with some interesting anecdotes, it has a chicken soup for the soul feel to it. Unfortunately, it doesn't contain much brilliant insight nor revolutionary ideas. I am especially dubious about such generalizations as "most people you meet will either have a core of hate or a core of hurt." I think the truth is, as always, never quite so simple.

I wanted to like this book and thought I would based on the reviews here. But, I found it quite primary and deals with behaviors and emotions on a very superficial level. Many of the Chapters, each which deal with different behaviors, were only 3 or 4 pages of content.
Save your $$$

This book lists several behavior flaws and offers suggestions to overcome them. The suggestions are vague and do not provide a true process to follow. Basically the book helps you identify the flaws and tells you what would be better behavior. Now go do it........

This book is amazing. The chapters are short and to the point. Every word is valuable. I will always have it out for a reference. I have read several self-help books and this is the first one that I can say I deeply appreciate.

While self-help books should be easy to understand and use - this book is so simplistic it is almost unusable. It's not possible to take complex human behavior, assign it a single, basic cause, and then provide a few steps to fix it. If you're serious about getting out of your own way, this is not the book for you.

Hands down the WORST self-help book I have ever attempted to read. Useless. Unhelpful. Basic. Boring. Now in my trash. Screams 1996. Offers nothing new. Gives no insights, no references, no guides, no advice, no solutions, just provides really boring, short, basic stories. Ugh. I just can't get over how bad it was. There are so many good books out there, skip this one. I wish I could have just taken one piece of advice from this book and put it to use, but just couldn't.