Why It Can Matter More Than IQ - Emotional Intelligence

This book is ok. I've had it for a while and still haven't finished it.
I found it bit "medical" and speaks more than I thought necessary about the brain functions such as the hippocampus, amygdala, etc.

This book is ok. I've had it for a while and still haven't finished it.
I found it bit "medical" and speaks more than I thought necessary about the brain functions such as the hippocampus, amygdala, etc.

The book was written several years ago. The author seems to have a rather prejudiced and closed approach to life. He goes from microscopic to explicit hinging on sensationalism in an effort to explain his weak ideas about "emotional intelligence".
His ill conceived opinions and lack of insight into how people actually manage life experiences is almost ludicrous. Communicating with others and life itself teaches much.
There is no spiritual dimension, no warmth, rather dissection 101.
His book reminds me of studies in abnormal psychology.
Recognizing abnormalities are real, the truth is, though, the majority of the population is normal, and it is from this perspective many of us understand there is a better way to assist people with improving their lives.
As many have noted, this book, and others he has written, appears to be a compilation of excerpts, studies, and opinions from others.
Ego reigns, it seems.
Emerging from the "warm cocoon", applying good sense, using good judgment, relying on intuition, and joining in the flow and evolution of life might be a splendid idea.

they sent me a really old edition from 1995 even though their description was a newer one from the past couple years.... the cover picture is not even the same. not impressed and it took forever to get to me.

This book is a must-read literally for everybody. Emotional intelligence is described here as the basis for any human interaction and on quite a variety of examples it proves its point. As the ability to communicate, analyze, process and react on one's emotions is developed in early stages of children's lives, this book touches the problem of modern society even more so - the growing number of parents unable or unwilling to devote their time to show their children the right way in life resulting in confusion, which breeds emotionally detached generation after generation.

Also, there is a danger that after reading this book, you will start noticing and contemplating the behind-the-scenes of communication between people in your vicinity.

I honestly thought on this book I was going to find a lot of scientifically based advice on how to behave in situations where my emotions go out of control but found myself reading a book that though informative did not meet my expectations in terms of utility for my personal life. I do consider though it is a good foundational book to start building on my emotional literacy.

Emotional Intelligence is a how intelligent a person is in recognizing emotions and harnessing emotions in both themselves and others.

Goleman who has coined the term makes a case for Emotional Intelligence to be a more accurate predictor or success rather than IQ - the Intelligence Quotient. The book draws a lot of inspiration from the Marshmallow test in which children were tested on their ability to suppress or control their emotions by choosing to eat a marshmallow immediately or postpone it for a prize of getting two marshmallows. The longitudinal study shows that the ability delay the gratification of eating the marshmallow is a strong indicator or future success, a greater indicator of success than the measure of IQ of the children.
The book provides an attempt to define emotions and provides the physiological explanation of emotions and where they come from in the brain.

Goleman makes a lot of good points about how emotions are underpinning all of human communication which could be why it's a better indicator of success than IQ. Goleman also covers areas where lack of emotional intelligence leads to worse outcomes.

Overall it's a great book and an enjoyable read that might open you up to thinking about emotions differently. It definitely made me a bit more cognizant of my own emotions. While it's backed by studies, it's not completely academic as Goleman sprinkles plenty of anecdotes in with the science.

Great spiritual teachers, like Buddha and Jesus, have touched their disciples' hearts by speaking in the language of emotion, teaching in parables, fables, and stories. Indeed, religious symbol and ritual makes little sense from the rational point of view; it is couched in the vernacular of the heart. ~Daniel Goleman

Of all the books I have read in my entire life, Daniel Goleman's book on Emotional Intelligence was as difficult to begin as it was to put down. After numerous attempts to make it past the first chapter, I finally dedicated an entire week to the reading of this classic treatise on the importance of emotional awareness. Surprisingly it then only took three days to finish reading because I read constantly day and night, night and day.

The rare beauty of Daniel Goleman's writing is breathlessly intellectual all while retaining a centered approach to the research of his topic at hand. Not only has he brilliantly woven carefully placed threads of awareness into a coherent and comforting blanket of understanding, he uncovers truly helpful and practical applications.

From a deep ocean of emotional conflicts and social programming, ideas for healing appeal to our hunger for inner coherence. His work also explains why we long for positive nourishment in a negative world and why a range of skills beyond basic IQ serves to enable our success.

Daniel Goleman's writing is rich and intricate. He draws on a variety of well-known experts and personal interviews he conducted for The New York Times. His extensive interest in this topic reveals itself in the fluidity with which he combines the information so as to make it completely accessible to anyone willing to take the time to follow his logic page by page. He explores the disintegration of civility, biological patterns of emotional response and shows how the rational and emotional minds can work in harmony.

Practical elements include an understanding of feelings as they happen, how to manage emotions and how to handle emotions as they arise. Throughout, Daniel Goleman gives hope and explains why "lapses in emotional skills can be remedied." Anyone who deals with anger or depression will be especially encouraged while reading this book.

All too often we learn by experience and this book is filled with a variety of pathways stemming from emotions that either lead us to peace or conflict. Even while reading this book, you may be triggered numerous times and feel a wide variety of emotions.

I was happy to read about how crying can "lower levels of brain chemicals that prime distress." Many of the topics in this book help to explain why our emotions create various responses and how we can adapt, immediately address the problems or move from one emotional state to another quite quickly with very minimal effort. Even while reading I could feel my emotional state in a constant flux due to various topics bringing memories into my awareness. There are at least three ideas I'm already putting into practice and reading books to distract myself from negative emotions definitely works to change moods dramatically, as does exercise. You may find yourself underlining entire passages and then finally just circling an entire page to refer back to in moments of reflection.

What does it mean when someone lacks empathy?
What are the early warning signs of divorce?
Why can neglect be more damaging than abuse?
Why is the ability to control impulse the base of will and character?

The reasons for addiction, epidemic depression and rage are all addressed from a scientific perspective while at the same time taking practical matters into account. Why do emotional impulses so often supersede rational thought processes?

If you enjoy reading books on psychology, love, interpersonal relationships or communication, this is essential reading. Reading this book could be as essential to your success as a college education.

In the end, I think you can't truly be happy unless you find at least "one" person who really listens to your heart. Once you know what your heart is telling you and you find a place where your desires don't conflict with your rational mind, peace may begin to appear for moments at a time.

Specific religious beliefs are not taken into consideration due to the all-encompassing nature of this book. However, once you read this book in all its beauty, everything you believe will make more sense. Keeping a handle on your emotions then gives you more control over your self-esteem, which in turn can keep you alive.

Reading a book on emotions may be essential to your survival for to understand this aspect of life is truly enlightening. I would not have been able to understand this book in my 20s, but I definitely have enjoyed finding it before I turn 40. I feel like entire worlds will open up as I read additional selections. This is a true basis for understanding the desires of the heart and how we can temper passion with rational thought.

~The Rebecca Review

P.S. If you enjoy this book you may also enjoy "Conversations with the Conscience" by Sarkis Joseph Khoury. It is a very personal account of one man's journey through the rational and emotional mind and it has a very deep spiritual appeal that has universal significance. These two books have truly helped me understand life in all its conflict and beauty.

The book starts of slowly. The first part describes how the brain processes emotions, which was reasonably interesting. About halfway through, the book shifts to "applications" of emotional intelligence, which was largely composed of the benefits of not being a dick. There are four contexts that he examines; resolving marital arguments, workplace interactions, child rearing, and some small asides on medical treatment. Very little of what is included is groundbreaking, listen to your spouse, don't beat your kids, that sort of thing.

Worth noting is that, despite the number of studies cited by Goleman, much of the research regarding emotional intelligence has determined that it is not a thing. If you control for IQ and personality type, the usefulness of EI becomes essentially zero, suggesting that it may not even be a real phenomenon.

But I do feel like a more capable partner, now that I have the insight to call my wife a bitch (page 135, for those of you still struggling with this).

Allegedly, 85% of our success in business is tied to communication and relationship skills much more than technical skills. That's why the four domains of emotional intelligence are vital:
(1) Self-awareness,
(2) Self-management,
(3) Empathy and
(4) Social skills

In the book, Daniel Goleman discuss the classical psychological experiment where kids had the chance to have one marshmallow or wait for fifteen minutes to get two marshmallows. What the scientists found out was that being able to control one's desire had powerful implications. The kids who waited the 15 minutes did much better later in life. They achieved their life goals, they had better relationships, and they did better on their SAT test. Incredible.

Another pearl I got from this book was the story about how an old Japanese man dealt with a drunkard angry outburst simply by diverting his attention. I have used this technique in real life and it worked wonders. To me, from a practical standpoint of view, my interest was to see how emotions affected my health. I read that anger can double the rate of a probable heart attack. Thus, I began implementing some basic, but vital suggestions, namely: (1) sleep eight hours a day, (2) eat in a healthy manner, (3) exercise and (4) direct my thought in a positive manner.

The most curious thing I got out of this book is that emotional intelligence involves the perception, appraisal, expression, and regulation of emotions, which are the bases of how children learn. Look at all the items related to emotional intelligence a child needs to flourish and learn in an effective way:
1. Trust,
2. Curiosity
3. Feeling of competence
4. Self-management
5. Empathy
6. Communication
7. Relationship.

If you want to be able to handle financial pressure, cooperate with others, develop your empathy and grow personally by being more open to feedback, read this book if you have not done so.

When a book spends its first hundred pages or so informing you why the book is so important, you know it's a scam. You know it intellectually, and emotionally.

The book claims to be a presentation of scientific data, but in fact places much greater importance on the author's own personal anecdotes.

The author consistently builds up strawman arguments for things that no one ever has actually said or thought ("people remain frustrated that I.Q. is not an infallible predictor of future success" is one such nugget of silliness - no one ever, anywhere, has claimed that any one measure could be a perfect predictor of personal success). Its worldview is of the particular sort where there is only one definition of success - guess what? It's not happiness, it's not contentment. It's how far up the corporate ladder you climb.

This book is entirely typical of the baby-boomer self-help book that exists only for the aggrandizement of the author and for the advancement of said author's corporate speaking and consulting fees.

Many of the 5 star reviews do a great job of describing this excellent survey on the human brain and behavior.

Of particular note are the reviews by:
Terry Weiss "Mystery Lover" (February 21, 2014)
the store Customer "hercules1" (January 30, 2014)
T Dot. (January 1, 2014)
Jill Risko (February 11, 2014)
Yasuhiro Namba "bullet train" (November 25, 2012 )
ldgonza (October 10, 2012)
Gilbert James (September 6, 2012)
Rachel V (December 4, 2011)
Judith Land "Adoption Detective (August 12, 2011)
Rebecca of the store (April 10, 2006)
Omar Halabieh (May 29, 2011)

With Honorable Mentions going to:
Aniket(April 14, 2014)
Colleen Tracy (April 4, 2014)
beth (March 28, 2014)
Mary D. Gargano "mommola" (May 9, 2013
Seven (January 14, 2013)

With over 40 noted concepts that are worth stating in this review,
I will mention a few:

On lasting marriages: "...couples in marriages that last tend to stick to one topic, and to give each partner the chance to state their point of view at the outset. But these couples go one important step further: they show each other that they are being listened to. Since feeling heard is often exactly what the aggrieved partner really is after, emotionally an act of empathy is a masterly tension reducer."

On parenting: "...having emotionally intelligent parents is itself of enormous benefit to a child. They ways a couple handles the feelings between them--in addition to their dealings with a child--impart powerful lessons to their children, who are astute learners, attuned to the subtlest emotional exchanges in the family....those couples who were more emotionally competent in the marriage were also the most effective in helping their children with their emotional ups and downs."

On working with others: "...imagine the benefits for work of being skilled in the basic emotional competencies--being attuned to the feelings of those we deal with, being able to handle disagreements so they do not escalate, having the ability to get into the flow states while dong our work. Leadership is not domination, but the art of persuading people to work toward a common goal."

A helpful technique & its benefits: "The art of nondefensive speaking for couples centers around keeping what is said to a specific completing rather than escalating to a personal attack...the best formula for a complaint is 'XYZ': "When you did X, it made me feel Y, and I'd rather you did Z instead....open communication has no bullying, threats, or insults. Nor does it allow for any of the innumerable forms of defensiveness--excuses, denying responsibility, counterattacking with a criticism and the like. Here again empathy is a potent tool...respect and love disarm hostility in marriage, as elsewhere in life. One powerful way to de-escalate a fight is to let your partner know that you can see things from the other perspective, and that this point of view may have validity, even if you do not agree with it yourself. Another is to take responsibility or even apologize if you see you are in the wrong...validation means at least conveying that you are listening and can acknowledge the emotions being expressed..."

Appendix A gives a list of emotions and their definitions.
Appendix D gives a list of emotional, cognitive and behavioral skills needed for effective life management and programs for both children and adults.

Written in 1995, Emotional Intelligence attempted to challenge the deeply entrenched notion that intelligence is a singular component which was only measured using the Intelligence Quotient (IQ) scale. Using the neurological imaging techniques of the time, Goleman illustrates the architecture of emotion and explains how emotion can hijack the rational brain. Emotional hijacking is nowadays standard psychological insight which is especially favoured in the social and youth work sectors. The reader would do well to remember that Goleman was proving his point against the tide, which is why Emotional Intelligence relies heavily on citing research and using simple examples to support the EQ (Intelligence Quotient) thesis. i.e. why this book is repetitive.

Goleman demonstrates the applications of EQ by discussing education, parenting, business, prison populations and more. This gives a disjointed feel to the text, further aggravated by the silence on how to build EQ. Some critics assert this is a book about children. Psychology of all fields relies on understanding the early developmental years. As EQ is a new thesis on personality, a focus on early development is required.

There are many authors who build on the EQ concept. But buyer beware, some are simply riding the wave caused by Goleman. The most informative follow up works are by Goleman himself who in latter works espouses the Buddhist origins of EQ. The Dalai Lama becomes directly involved in some of Goleman's further work. Undoubtedly Emotional Intelligence is a classic in pop psychological literature. It is written in easy to understand language with much enthusiasm.

It is important to note that reviewing this book now comes with twenty years hindsight. Do not be disappointed by the overly simplistic tone of the book, it is the beginning of Goleman's contribution to the popular psychology field. Those who find it too simple have probably studied cognitive psychology and are ready to tackle the original research articles. For those without any psychological training this book is an informative and inspiring place to start.

Published in 1998, Goleman had, by the end of that year, hit the jackpot. It was more than just a popular best seller. In fact, teachers across the country assigned "Emotional Intelligence", as required reading. This book has been published in other countries; Canada, England, and Australia, to name just a few. Other impressive books by Goleman followed his basic theme, emotions matter and emotional intelligence is a legitimate and necessary adjunct to the education of all of us. I agree that the behaviorists and cognitive theorists missed the boat on this point. Logic and rationality are not synonymous with emotional intelligence. Goleman does not allow himself to get bogged down with too many details. He provides us with a basic working definition and description of what is involved in the processing of social information. While his book has been defined as repetitive in its message by some, the actual message couldn't be more accurate. Without emotional understanding, the ability to become self-aware fades away. The initial bond, forged in infancy, allows us to manage varying states of tension and arousal. When this bond with our primary caretaker is secure, the earliest neural pathways become well established for further brain development. My favorite section, involves the defining of complex interactions as based on empathy. The interesting point, is Golemans exploration of emotional contagion. He writes, "How does this magical transmission (contagion) occur? The most likely answer is that we unconsciously imitate the emotions we see displayed by someone else, through an out of awareness motor mimicry of their facial expression, gestures, tone of voice, and other non-verbal markers of emotion. "There are two levels of emotion, conscious and unconscious. The moment of an emotion coming into awareness we become self-aware. Recently a number of books have been published articulating Goleman's thesis with greater depth and precision, than "Emotional Intelligence". These books include ,"The Master and His Emissary" by Iain McGilchrist,(2010) and the "Healing Power of Emotion", (2009) published by Allen Schore. Schore writes, "An interpersonal neurobiology of human development enables us to understand that the structure and function of the mind and brain are shaped by experiences, especially those involving emotional relationships". Those of us who practice the healing art of psychotherapy and those who want to improve their lives through greater understanding, will find wisdom worth pursuing in these fine books.

Emotional intelligence as a concept probably sounds foreign to most people. We're so used to IQ being the standard of intelligence, because it takes into account only the rational and logical aspects of our minds. Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman turned that notion on its head. No longer are we limited by the conceptualizations of the rational mind when determining intelligence. Goleman looks at a broader view of intelligence that takes into account both the rational and the emotional parts of our brain. This book has certainly opened my eyes to the importance of neuroscience and psychology.

I'm always looking for other books to help me be a better person, and I stumbled across 21 Things You Should Give Up To Be Happy a few months ago. Written by Alvin Huang and Chris D'Cruz, 21 Things is an exploration of behaviors that we tend to hold on to at the expense of our happiness. It may be difficult to let some things go. For me, it's always been difficult to stop complaining. I'm very good at looking at the negative aspects of my life and voicing my displeasure, but this book helped me realize that complaining was going to get me nowhere. It also helped me realize a whole host of other beneficial concepts that I wouldn't have learned elsewhere.

Of course, Emotional Intelligence really gets into the nitty-gritty of the mind. It's one of the most in-depth looks at how our brains function and how we can cultivate the right kind of intelligence. I think both of these books are still great if you're looking to improve your work ethic, relationships, and overall happiness. Both are well worth the purchase price, and you'll learn quite a bit from the authors. I know I did, and I am certainly better off because of it.

Dr. Daniel Goleman does a thorough job in explaining the necessity for Emotional Intelligence, and emphatically stating the need for this intelligence to be imparted upon the youth, but gives little in the way of concrete steps to take.

I was hesitant to experience such a renowned work in an abridged format, but if this any indication of the unabridged audio book's repetitiveness, then I'm glad I got the tl,dr of it. I'll steal shamelessly from Susan Michael's review: "Emotional Intelligence 2.0 is the book you should read if you want to learn how to increase your emotional intelligence. It even includes an online emotional intelligence test."

Do note, that it is by a different set of an authors. What it makes it superior, in my opinion, is if Emotional Intelligence was to simply to increase awareness, Emotional Intelligence 2.0 will successfully increase proficiency.

Goleman's main goal (say that five times fast) is to make us aware of five important components of Emotional Intelligence:

1. Knowing one's emotions
2. Managing emotions
3. Motivating oneself
4. Recognizing emotions in others
5. Handling relationships

In Emotional 2.0, the authors narrow it down to four (very similar) components:

1. Emotional Awareness
2. Self Management
3. Social Awareness
4. Relationship Management

The authors then dedicate many, many points on how to become successful in those key areas. I wish Dr. Goleman had done the same, as I feel anyone picking up this work needs very little convincing in the value of Emotional Intelligence, and more in the way of actionable behaviors. Ultimately, it is the awareness that Dr. Goleman brings to this important issues that warrants merit, and it has cleared the way for a work like Emotional Intelligence 2.0 to come through.

This book, in 1995, was and continues to be a classic and a good read. So why two stars? Today, in 2012, 17 years after the original publication, so much more is known, and there is so much more that should be added that this book is in need of a serious and extensive rewrite. If one is using this book as part of series of books and papers on this important topic, then the book in it's original form is where you must start.

But, as a single source of information, it is not so useful. There is so much more solid information available now that should be incorporated and balances the cognitive and emotional aspects from high quality brain research and research in education: How Learning Works, Talent is Overrated, Mindset, Whatever it Takes, Reaching for Manhood, Voices of Determination, How Children Succeed, and many more.

This book was recommended to me by one of my professors while I was attending college. I thought I should be more aware of the ability to control my own emotion and harness the power of better external appearance and internal turmoil when experiencing emotion that might be better constrained and channelled.

Wow! Did that just sound wacko or what?

But that's what this book will do to you if you believe in it's premise and principles. I didn't get past the first page without reading reference to evolution and the origins of the human psyche. There's so much reference to Darwin in the first chapter that the title of the book could easily be renamed to something like "Supporting Research to Darwin's Theories" with the subtitle "Without Investigation into Any Other Writings."

If you want to know how to manage your emotions, or have "Emotional Intelligence," there are many other books that will offer more truth than heresay or disproven theory. Another, more reliable source of information, or a good cross-study reference is this:

The Handbook of Emotional Intelligence : Theory, Development, Assessment, and Application at Home, School and in the Workplace by Rueven Bar-on, James D.A. Parker

[...]

Have bought many copies of this book, for me, as well as for gifts. For those out there, who find themselves sensitive beyond the "acceptable" norm, this is a must read for those sensitives. I am an extreme, ultra, hyper sensitive, with deep, deep intuitive and sensory feeling and although in my work and my path, these are helpful tools, in understanding how to assist and guide others within the navigation of their own sensitivities, this book is a no nonsense and practical information about the basics of understanding emotional intelligence. I have found that with many levels of psychic/intuitive and sensory feeling, this is an excellent read and foundation, on an emotional level. The first part is a bit more technical, however as you progress in this book, the examples that are shared are given in a way to have a better understanding within our life.

If you are sensitive, this is excellent information to become part of your life.

After reading this book I was very curious what other people thought of it. I found that at least a few started by saying they had mixed feelings about it. Me too. I also saw it was referred by at least one person as "popular psychology" genre. That sums it up for me. He, Goleman, uses "Emotional Intelligence" as a vehicle to explain everything including, crime, drugs, loneliness, eating disorders, depression and marital problems, to name a few. BTW, Goleman didn't invent the term, but uses it throughout the book to explain his thesis that General IQ tests don't include a wide range of skills and knowledge: Are too narrow to measure success. Tell me something I don't know Dan. He uses this theoretical construct to explain human behavior, but I'm not sure another one is necessary or helpful. He talks a lot about human behavior, but I don't think he adds anything the the research already done. Then there is this lengthy explanation of where in the brain emotions take place. All fascinating, but I'm not sure if I really needed to know that: I mean I don't think it advances the subject or contributes much to the book. On the other hand, I really liked reading his explanations and descriptions of studies of human behavior. Neat stuff! However, his interpretations and conclusions are just that, not rigorous science by any means. I have to conclude that as a self-help book it does give you ideas about how you might improve your behavior. And as a society we need to understand our emotional shortcomings. The section on "Schooling the Emotions" is interesting and perhaps even useful. More work should be done in that area. I was thinking of two stars, but then I suddenly found myself analyzing my emotional intelligence and felt charitable and optimistic and went with three stars. I feel better already!

Goleman begins with Aristotle's challenge: "Anyone can become angry--that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way--this is not easy." The expression of anger is a function both of learning and temperament.
Usually, we can think both with our head and with our heart. The rational and emotional minds work in partnership until passions tip the scales to favor the emotional brain. Doleman cites work done by Joseph LeDoux, a neuroscientist at the Center for Neural Science at New York University, and helps us understand how the amygdala can hijack the rational brain. There is, in fact, a neural short-cut from thalamus to amygdala so that the emotional system can act independently of the neo-cortex. Further, "There in fact appear to be two memory systems in the brain: one for ordinary facts and one for emotionally charged ones." (p. 21)
Emotion-laden memories seem to receive an additional imprint from the amydala. In childhood, we do not have the words to make sense of many of the passionate feelings we may have and many "rough, wordless blueprints for emotional life" are laid down that may resurface later to baffle us as adults. Psychotherapists seek to understand these triggered emotional memories.
Goleman defines emotional intelligence as: "the ability to motivate oneself and persist in the face of frustrations; to control impulse and delay gratification; to regulate one's moods and keep distress from swamping the ability to think; to empathize and to hope." (p. 34)He spends a fair bit of time discussing various school curricula where emotional learning is the focus. The good news is that one can improve this aspect of our brain's functioning through learning. Even temperament is not destiny, he says.

Though this is an earlier work than Malcolm Gladwell's `Outliers', and could possibly have inspired the later book, each make a fascinating companion piece for the other.

In Emotional Intelligence, Daniel Goleman makes a persuasive argument for the forces other than I.Q. that shape success in life. His definition of emotional intelligence is complex and multi-layered: self-awareness, self-restraint, and self-mastery (not to be confused with suppression), when it comes to our own emotions; and, empathy in dealing with others' feelings.

He offers a valid presentation for the need for applying emotional intelligence, be it in our personal life, the corporate world, or the medical field. If the case studies of the effect on children growing in a less than nurturing environment are sobering, then the effects of these children on society are truly terrifying.

The pivotal point of this book is that it's never too late to be schooled in E.I., and more importantly, it's never too early to start.

One might wonder if cash-strapped public schools and over-worked teachers can spare the resources needed to add this vital subject to the curriculum. The more important question would be, hasn't our society procrastinated on this long enough? If the cost of imparting Emotional Intelligence is considered too high, inarguably the toll of emotional illiteracy is much higher.

As absorbing as I found this book, it has more than average density, and is probably an easier read for those who are already familiar with the basics of psychology and neuroscience. I found that the earlier part of the book tends to a staccato style of writing, with run-on sentences, lugging technical jargon in their wake. But that eases up later on, and he illustrates his arguments with compelling anecdotes that really drive the point home. Stick with this book till the end; it will be well worth your time.

In this book you will learn that Emotional Intelligence is the most awesome thing ever. If you don't have it, well then sucks to be you because you won't learn anything useful about how to get it.

The author goes to the point when he strips anecdotes he uses from practical knowledge. For example he writes about an experiment in where educational and professional outcomes for kids were predicted basing on if they were able to wait with eating a candy until adult will return with a second candy which they will get if they won't eat the candy they got first.
I have seen the paper about the experiment and it said that the main difference between the kids that ate the candy and those who didn't was that the latter used vocal cues to remind themselves to not.

Which means that impulse to eat the candy was there but they knew a technique of how to delay it. Generally talking to oneself like Gollum being a positive thing, is a highly non-obvious thing, so it's quite odd that the author has chosen to omit it in one of the main stories where he demonstrates impact of Emotional Intelligence. It's almost like he's trying to mystify the term to make himself some sort of a guru that holds special secret knowledge instead of helping his readers.

It's literally the worst pop-psychology book that I've ever read.

It's hard to summarize this book better than fellow the storeian P. Lozar "plozar" when she says: "the overriding theme here seems to me to be ridiculously simple: good nurturing (rather than aptitude) is more likely to produce exceptional humans; bad nurturing creates people with a bunch of problems".

This timely book is very helpful for us "emotionally illiterate", but I find the tone too forced on optimism, "you can do it!" attitude, and maybe a certain condescension masked in a violently politically correct discourse...
At times I have the impression of reading a diplomat, seller or a politician's speech rather than a real teacher or researcher...
The problem with this "sanitized" versions of feeling is that they speak about hard issues like, for instance, rapists and domestic violence with a nonchalant detachment that it ends up insulting the very victims he seems to have dedicated his life to help. This "Astronaut's view" may help for contentious topics in, say, contemporary history. But for all his talk about "a new psychology" to be taught in all schools, I feel he should have put, well, more emotion into his book.

My favorite parts are his dealings with psychopathy "life without empathy" (ch. 7) and depression, under "managing melancholy" on chapter 6 and on page 177 onwards (ch.11). I only wish I had read this 10 years ago ... Same goes for the experiment run by John Gottman with couples measuring up their reactions when angered on chapter 9, finally giving me the scientific grounding for the empirically tested truth that "you have to get out of the argument" for at least 20 minutes if you want to solve the matter rationally. This also applies to family arguments as well :).

I also found useful "The artful critique" on chapter 10 (dealing with EI on the workplace) and "the rudiments of social intelligence" on chapter 8, "Social arts". The fact that Goleman devoted 5 chapters to different applications to virtually all the important fields of life is one of the many "redeeming qualities" of the book. I've the impression he likes the applications to medicine that to management (at least, he uses more than the double of quotations, for about the same length of chapter).

His style is engaging, a bit "American. i.e.: usually stars each chapter with a lengthy example, and includes personal anecdotes. The one of how fear blocked all reasoning on a Calculus exam (p. 78) is my favorite, and probably any reader will know some "math phobic" who experienced something similar :). Goleman is righteously self assured. Only a "big shot" could quote seemingly great authors by the conversations he had, "as Gardner (Harvard) told me", "Sternberg (Yale) said to me", etc.
But I miss the enthusiasm and spontaneity of his earlier books, like the virtually unknown "What psychology knows that everyone should" and his previous bestseller: "Vital lies, simple truths". I felt I was reading a budding genius of psychology, brimming with enthusiasm.

Daniel is very good at synthesis, like on page 241, one author per paragraph. Having read Seligman, I feel he just chose the best paragraph. The same goes for PTSD on chapter 13.
His style is rather repetitive. I feel he's said "no matter how bad you are, you can always learn how to be better" in every chapter. And his endorsement of particular schools is almost appalling. Besides, I'm not very sure the kind of "social intelligence" he extols is really good. If I had a child like "Roger" on chapter 8 who fakes being hurt to befriend somebody, I'd fear I'd raised a "social chameleon" as he very well describes on the same chapter :).
He is a very good writer, as witness his funny description of the absurdity of the routine medical test with the unemphatic doctor while he was worrying about him having cancer on page 181 or the already mentioned flunk at Calculus at college. We know he can write well and to the point, not loosing rigor at all by being frank and personal.

The physiology in the book is didactically explained and appears mostly on chapter 3 and appendix C, so it's hard to understand how a reader complained it's hard to read (I lack any knowledge of Biology).

Summing up, I have recommended this book to a bunch of friends, but the ones that really need to read it have been put off by the wishy-washy style. I'd have it rewritten by an angry young French philosopher, that would make it funnier :)!

Most of the reviews of this book claim it gave them new insights. Me too. Only what I "take home" as most important from this book is quite different than what others have said in their reviews.

I spent my working career as a civil servant (now retired), an employee of the Federal government. Firing someone who passes their 2 year probationary period is more difficult in the Federal civil service system than it is in private enterprise. So, greater care is needed when hiring a new person. Consequently, we spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to tell if a prospective employee would be a long term asset, or a long term liability.

What was prefectly clear to us was that the technical knowledge, skills, and abilities we measured against were not always good predictors of how well an employee would do in the long run. Equally important, in the long run, are an employee's abilities to work with other people well, be productive team members, self motivate, work independently without constant supervision, and be honest with themselves and others.

We did not compromise on the technical skills; but those being equal, we tried to select the person most skilled at what Daniel Goleman describes as emotional intelligence. We didn't have a name for it then, but we knew very well what we were looking for.

What is so outstanding about Goleman's book is his very convincing demonstration that emotional intelligence, unlike IQ, is a learned intelligence -- indeed it must be taught, else a person will grow up emotionally in deficit.

Second most outstanding is his demonstrations that the many emotional deficits in neglected children can be partially corrected (nothing is 100 percent) by simple training, in as little as 1 hr. per day for 8 weeks. More training continued to yield more results.

Third most outstanding is his insistence that our public school system needs to begin teaching emotional intelligence. Actually, this may be the most revolutionary part of the book. It is a compelling paradigm shift.

Our public school administrators have been claiming that parental involvement is the single most important factor in determining a child's success in school. It is very true, but it also an indirect way of them saying, "Emotional training is not our problem." Reading, writing and arithmetic, sports, and the like are their well defined domain, but they feel that emotional deficits belong to parents, as psychological/ behavioral problems instead of learning deficits. (Both claims are, of course, right. But the fact that the psychological/behavioral problems are caused by a learning deficit means one must focus on the learning deficit because it is causative.)

Goleman argues that emotional intelligence is a learned skill; and is a major determinant of whether a child will succeed or fail academically. Inceed, it is predictive.

He argues convincingly that public schools need a paradigm shift; they need to teach emotional skills to all students. He also convincingly addresses potential objections.

I take away these potent arguments as far more important than the idea that emotional intelligence exists, or that EI is important to a person's happiness and success. We knew that, even if we didn't give it the exquisite name that Goleman has. I suspect some of the reviews that claim the book is repetitive did not fully appreciate that Goleman was carefully developed his sequence of argument that lead to his very audacious (but well supported and compelling) call for a paradigm shift in our public education system. Whether my suspicion is correct or not, I did not find this book boring in the least. Page by page it enlightened me. That is all I ask of a book like this.

Emotional Intelligence is, as Daniel Goleman explains in his book by that name, as important, and in many cases more important, than intellectual intelligence (IQ). Thus this book is a must read for anyone seeking a better self understanding and understanding of others. While it is written in a somewhat academic style, the lay person can easily comprehend and utilize it. I rate it as five stars because everyone can profit from it. The following is a summary of the key points of the book.

Emotional Intelligence can be defined as consisting of five main domains.
1. Knowing one's emotions, self-awareness--recognizing a feeling when it happens is the keystone of emotional intelligence
2. Managing emotions--handling feelings so that they are appropriate
3. Motivating oneself--using your emotions to reach a goal. Emotional self-control--delaying gratification and stifling impulsiveness--underlies accomplishment of any sort.
4. Recognizing emotions in others--empathy--is the fundamental people skill
5. Handling relationships--in large part the ability to handle emotions in others

Delayed gratification--study of children who were able to delay eating candy showed that those who had this ability were much more successful in later life. Also they did better in school and on tests such as the SAT.

Optimism also predicts academic success. Optimism and hope are based on the idea of self-efficacy--the belief that one has mastery over the events in one's life and can meet challenges as they come up.

Interpersonal intelligence has four parts:

1. the ability to organize groups of people
2. the ability to negotiate solutions to problems and conflicts
3. the ability to connect personally with others--empathy
4. the social analysis--the ability to detect and have insights about people's feelings, motives, and concerns.

How to criticize others:

1. Be specific--pick a significant incident or event that illustrates a key problem that needs changing or a pattern of behaviors
2. Offer a solution.
3. Be present--give the critique in a face-to-face manner and in private
4. Be sensitive--have empathy

The most important factor in the success of a group is the degree to which the members are able to create a state of internal harmony. One study showed that there was little individual difference among members of successful and unsuccessful groups.

Emotions can affect your health--pessimism can affect your immune system. Having a social network of family and friends is also important to good health. Now people are living more and more isolated lives.

Emotional competence can help you overcome any difficulty including poverty and mistreatment as a child. Key emotional skills include a winning sociability that draws people to you, self-confidence, an optimistic persistence in the face of failure and frustration, the ability to recover quickly from upsets and an easygoing nature.

Key emotional skills include self-awareness, identifying, expressing and managing feelings, impulse control and delaying gratification, and handling stress and anxiety. Know the difference between feelings and actions and learn to make better emotional decisions by first controlling the impulse to act, the identifying alternative actions and their consequences before acting.

Emotional intelligence also can be called "character".

Emotional families: Anger, sadness, fear, enjoyment, love, surprise, fear, and shame

Hallmarks of an emotional mind:

1. a quick but sloppy response--the emotional mind is much quicker than the rational mind--it springs to action without considering what it is doing. These actions carry a sense of certainty.
2. first feelings, second thoughts. A rational mind does not decide what emotions we "should" have. Our feelings come as an accomplished fact. What the rational mind can control is the course of those feelings--how we act on them.
3. a symbolic, child-like reality. The logic of the emotional mind is associative--it takes elements that symbolize a reality as the same as the reality. What matters to the emotional mind is how things seem, not how they really are. One way the emotional mind is child-like is in categorical thinking--everything is black or white. Another sign is personalized thinking with events centering on the person not the situation. Another aspect is self-confirming, suppressing or ignoring facts that that would undermine the belief and affirming those that support it. By contrast the beliefs of the rational mind are tentative--new evidence can change it--it reasons by objective evidence. The emotional mind, however, takes its beliefs to be absolutely true and discounts any evidence to the contrary--which is why it is so hard to change an emotional mind.
4. the past is imposed on the present. When some aspect of an event seems familiar to the emotional mind it reacts to the present as though it was the past.
5. State specific reality. The working of the emotional mind is to a large degree state specific, dictated by the particular feeling of the moment. Each feeling has its own repertoire of thought, reactions and memories. These memories are often selective

To take an Emotional Intelligence test go to [...]

If you can summon the stamina to get past the first two chapters, this is an excellent book on the underlying formation of the difference between true intelligence and academics. Most of the work is tackled from a neuropsychiatric perspective, and readers would be well advised to brush up on their knowledge of brain maps to make the understanding easier.

The book is divided into five sections:
1. The emotional brain.
2. The nature of emotional intelligence.
3. Emotional intelligence applied.
4. Windows of opportunity.
5. Emotional literacy.

Goleman provides ample practical examples of his points, mostly citing research that is not his own (adding credibility, in my opinion).

The book deals with emotional intelligence (EI) in various arenas, eg relationships, work, family, society. The last few chapters are devoted to examples of how schools in the US use EI to guide children. One omission, however, is Goleman's failure to discuss whether EI can be influenced in adults, similar to his examples of children.

Goleman's writing is reasonably accessible and fluid, despite content which is sometimes academic. A fold-out map of the brain would have been useful to get through the first half of the book.

Highly recommended reading for those who seek to understand life.

In this well researched book, Goleman makes his point early on that IQ is overrated as a predictor of future success. He cites numerous studies and examples and supports his claim convincingly. The writing is dry and at times slow going. Goleman lumps everything outside of traditional intelligence under emotion which was baffling. For example, he points out how an individual's level of optimism can predict their level of success. Is optimism an emotion? He does provide an appendix where he tries to define what he means by emotions but it was all too vague for me. The lack of clarity makes the book of limited practical use. You may be disappointed if you are looking for a self help book.

In another section he describes a study in 4 year olds where they are given a choice between getting a marshmallow now versus waiting 15 minutes and getting two marshmallows later. The kids who chose to delay gratification and waited for two marshmallows went on to become more successful adolescents on average. At this point I expected the author to go on and tell the reader how a parent could guide his kids to control their impulses and embrace delayed gratification. That would be the natural flow but that is not the direction he takes which may disappoint readers. If you trudge through the book, you will be rewarded with gaining some understanding of some concepts in psychology, but don't expect a fun and entertaining read.

Emotional intelligence by Daniel Goleman argues that emotional maturity is a more important factor for determining future success than IQ. The books tries to combine a whole bunch of research together. Judging by some of the criticism on the store.com, perhaps not all of the research is represented well. However, all in all, this was an interesting book, but not exceptional. I don't think it had a large impact on my thinking nor did I feel it was a MUST read.

The book consists of five parts. The first part describes some brain research and biology. The second part looks at the different emotions and how they relate to the brain and what an increased EQ means related to these emotions. The third and the fourth part talk about different real life scenarios (marriage, crime, medicine) and how EQ has an impact on these. The last part covers why EQ is needed and how we can increase the EQ of ourselves and our children.

I enjoyed the beginning of the book (part 1 and 2), but then as the book progressed, I became less and less interested in it and even had to force myself to read it further. There was a lot of repetition and convincing and repetition going on all the time. I found my mind unable to focus. So, if you read this book, probably just read part 1 and 2 and browse the other parts and only read the parts that you like.

So, I rated this three stars. It was an interesting book and covered some new ideas. In that sense, it does what it was suppose to do. If it would have stopped after the second part, it might be four stars. However, the one-star reviews on the store.com are insightful and make me doubt the book more. Do remember, the book is written by a journalist and not a scientist.
Not really recommended, but not bad either.

At first, I found this book so dense and hard to get into, that I picked it up and put it down several times in favor of lighter fare. I was about to throw in the towel and admit defeat until about a third of the way through, when the chapter on empathy really piqued my interest. Though it took me a while, I did finish this book, and I'm glad I did. As I said, this book is dense in every sense of the word; it is detailed and chock full of TONS of information. But what really changed my mind about my rating of the book overall was the last section on promoting emotional literacy, especially in schools. Coming from the education field, I know how crucial it is that teachers and administrators do not ignore children's emotional lives and skills, but instead use schools and classrooms as a chance to cultivate social/emotional learning, so that our children can avoid serious problems later as teens or as adults. I was so impressed that Goleman used his last chapter to promote the message of incorporating emotional literacy more widely into our schools and teaching these essential skills to all our children, and I could not agree more with the question he ends with: If not now, when?

This book would definitely appeal to those who are interested in the field of psychology in general, and neuropsychology in particular. I would also recommend this book to educators; even if you do not read the whole book, at least read the last two chapters, which are so pertinent to our field and well-worth the read.

This book is for people wishing to learn and improve. The ability to identify, assess, and control the emotions of oneself and others to facilitate thought are a form of emotional intelligence traced to Darwin's early work on emotional expression for survival and adaptation. Empathy, ability to motivate, and leader effectiveness don't always correlate with standard testing models. The ability to remember facts is different than the ability to solve problems and adjust to changing conditions. I consider gut feelings, control of emotions, adapting to changing circumstances, empathy and the ability to sense and understand others elements of emotional intelligence. Managing, influencing and inspiring others, and resolving conflicts are emotional competencies also related to the overall intelligence of individuals. The inheritability of emotional intelligence, genetic similarities, habits and emotional intelligence is highly relevant in my book Adoption Detective.

Judith Land, Author
Adoption Detective: Memoir of an Adopted Child

If you happened to be raised in an especially well-adjusted home, you may already understand this stuff in a way that a lot of other people don't.

But how many people were raised this beautifully? The nuclear family is no longer a "given". I mentored challenged youth for five years in Big Brothers/Big Sisters, and many of today's children are in no position to understand emotional intelligence on the basis of what is going on at home.

I am the first one to agree that it SHOULD be the parents' responsibility to appropriately raise their children. However, reality is that there are a lot of challenged parents that are in return raising challenged youth, and this cycle generally goes on and on.

The schools would be doing themselves a huge favor if they presented this type of material in an age-appropriate manner.

This book makes a key point that is salient for people of all ages: venting is NOT cathartic. Instead of getting things out of your system, venting perpetuates the subject matter and breathes new life and fire into it, rather like a bellows bringing embers to flame. It is far better to let this type of ember die out than it is to renew its vitality.

Although this book can be rather "textbooky" (on the dry side) it is worth your while to digest it for your own sake, as well as for the benefit of any children that you may be influencing.

Thank you Mr. Goleman for giving this subject matter the analysis and attention it deserves.

Goleman's books provide a lot of scientific meat but there isn't a whole lot of application or advice. Sheds a lot of light of how emotions impact development from pre-natal onward. These sections provoke some anxiety because a lot of this is last year's harvest. In that respect, I recommend this for parents who are about to start a family. Goleman reveals the nuances that affect whether a child will be emotionally and socially stable. Not a whole lot on what you can do now about that. Social Intelligence is 2.0 of this but essentially the same thing. Buying only one of the books is wholly sufficient in obtaining the gist of his studies and research.

Daniel Goleman has written an interesting book about the physiological and social consequences of emotions and our ability to control them. He makes a convincing case for emotional competence as perhaps a greater prerequisite for success than intellectual brilliance. Many of us can probably corroborate this for ourselves by recalling very intelligent people we have known who have a tendency to sabotage themselves through their inability to deal with other people appropriately.

For me, the sections of the book that described the physiology of emotions--the role of the amygdala and limbic system and the neural pathways that allow "emotional hijackings"--were most fascinating. Likewise, I was captivated by the descriptions of psychological studies of emotional competency, such as the one that showed that a child's ability to control impulses at age four was a greater indicator of later success on SAT exams than any other single factor.

I remove a star because some of the later sections read like more conventional self-help books. I was also skeptical of Goleman's proposal that schools step in and teach emotional competency through curricula such as self-science. As a public school teacher who has had first-hand experience of school efforts to teach self-control and anger management to students with behavioral issues, I believe that public schools are not equipped to do this effectively. The horrendous home situations of these students are, in many cases, just too pervasive and all-encompassing in a student's life to resist. What's the alternative, since it is unrealistic to expect the families of these children to change their behavior? Give up? Obviously, that is also unacceptable. However, as long as the federal government is breathing down the necks of public schools with unrealistic expectations and punishments at the ready, don't expect schools to stray far from any subject matter that is not rigourously standards-based and measureable on a standardized test.

The tenth anniversary of this book was just recently published, and I read it for a book club. Daniel Goleman, the author, has some very interesting statistics he has culled from years of psychological studies. The one I will highlight here is: classical I.Q. makes up only 20% of a successful career and life. The other 80% is largely due to one's ability to recognize the roles others play in day to day life and how we fit into the picture. Goleman spends some time covering the existential basis for cognition and lays out the neurological mode and nervous system synaptic way of perception, but is most convincing when he highlights case studies of people first in their childhood, and later in adulthood. If you are unable to put yourself in the other person's shoes, and in short are lacking the ability to be empathetic, you most likely are causing first yourself, then your family and coworkers and friends much sorrow, frustration and even harm. The good news, being empathetic can be learned. It is not something you're just born with and have to play the cards you've been delt. You can change your behaviour, your old habits, and make yourself a better person in the process! I highly recommend this book for anyone who works with people and especially those who are a member of any team, be it sports, professional, or spiritual. A very enlightening read indeed.

In regard to psychological analysis and social implications of emotional IQ, I haven't much to add compared to other reviewers on the details of the theories presented in this book. Nevertheless, the overall idea that I received regarding the concept of an emotional IQ is the underlying belief that while a person cannot help but feel emotions, they can choose how to express them. There is an explanation in the text that explains that the development of the neocortex of the brain in humans allows them to overrule fear and other emotional instincts in order to fight against an automatic fight or flight response. I suppose an extension of this would be man's ability to use reason and logic ought to be able to overrule emotional impulse, so simply training one's self (or having someone teach an individual) to do so would increase their emotional IQ. In theory and practice, this seems to be a pretty good idea.

However, there is a slight problem with the opinion of the author creeping in the text that seems to contradict his own methodology. In several anecdotal instances he claims that possession of firearms causes violent emotional impulses by themselves - supposedly that simply by existing they are some kind of mystic totem that causes suspension of reason. In the conclusion he also uses the (now debunked) CDC "firearm epidemic" study that held the existence of firearms in a vacuum while shedding individual responsibility as a variable. Aside from making it very clear about Mr. Goleman's political stance on the matter of private ownership of firearms, the inclusion of his opinions in the text somewhat detracts from his overall message as it creates a "blind spot" of sorts in his methodology. I suppose though that perhaps this is his own personal way of illustrating emotional instinct overruling human reason? If so, then I perhaps it's a valuable lesson to the reader showing that even experts in their own field can benefit from a little introspection now and then.

Amazing book, this is one of a kind reading that changed the way I think about myself and others.

The author bases his findings on a long time research and studies, and concludes that the emotional intelligence of an individual counts more to be successful in life than his intellectual coefficient and then proceeds to develop this idea in a very convincing way chapter after chapter showing diverse examples associated to the successful behavior of people of different walks of life, at different ages, and interacting with different environments, who have something in common; being wise emotionally.

After finishing this book I realized that every day, unknowingly, we use much more times our emotional skills than the technical knowledge we learn in college (i.e arguing with the boss, relating with a co-worker, playing with others when we are kids, interacting with our parents, selling a product, viewing the world, making a phone call to talk to someone, negotiating something, etc)

Among the emotional skills, encompassing both the individual and social fields are self awareness, self regulation, motivation, empathy, leadership, there are also some tips about how to improve them. I have to point out that this is a book about psychology not business.

I do not know if this book became a best-seller in the US but in my country certainly did and I am grateful it came to my hands.

Being smart does not always involve having a high IQ . . . if you don't
believe that, then read (or listen, as I did) to EMOTIONAL
INTELLIGENCE by Daniel Goleman.

You'll see why some people of modest IQ often do well in life,
largely because they utilize such qualities as self-awareness,
impulse control, persistence, zeal, self-motivation, empathy,
and social deftness--or what Goleman terms emotional intelligence.

The author drives his message home through the use of
lots of excellent examples that make it clear that to excel in life,
you need these qualities . . . if you lack them, then your career
may be ruined . .. and perhaps most significantly, children
need to develop emotional intelligence or they'll fall prey to
depression, eating disorders and crime.

Among the many tidbits I gained from this program were
the following:

* It is important to help others in need. Depressed people, in
particular, need to do this--but they rarely do.

* Emotional intelligence needs to be taught in our schools.

* Another word for emotional intelligence is character.

And my favorite:
* A monk on the best way to handle anger: Don't express it, but
don't act on it.

I found the explanatory style to be chaotic, a distracting jumble of illustrative vignettes and references to research findings that were too vaguely explained to be interpretable. The author's opinions being mixed in with the summaries of others' work without clean transitions between the two made the book difficult and frustrating to follow. I suppose part of the problem was my expectation of part thesis, part self-help book, rather than some drama scenes and aphorisms mixed into a collection of Wikipedia article snippets.

After I paged through the book and saw that the same style continued throughout, I gave up on it. I didn't even read a third of it. Waste of time.

Daniel Goleman's book Emotional Intelligence (1995) is a well written and researched study of the role emotions play in people's personal lives, and the effect that incompetent emotional management has on society. Goleman uses many individual examples to illustrate his point that emotional illiteracy (the inability to read emotions and respond appropriately) is both devastating and costly. Broken marriages, depression, domestic abuse, isolation, eating disorders, crime, alcoholism and drug abuse are all in some way the end result of people's emotions gone awry. How can anyone possibly maintain a healthy outlook on life if their emotions are constantly getting the best of them? Goleman uses terms like:

Emotional flooding: When someone is overwhelmed by another's negativity and their own reaction to it. They become swamped with dreadful and out-of-control feelings. Their perception becomes negative and distorted. They find it hard to organize their thoughts and fall back on primitive reactions like striking back or running away.

Emotional hijacking: a neural takeover by a rush of emotions causing an outburst. "Blinded by rage", "a slave to passion", "scared to death" and "uncontrollable laughter" are examples of emotional hijackings. A person in this state loses their sense of reason, and emotions build on emotions causing a loss of control.

Misattunement: The misattuned person doesn't read his own or other's emotions effectively. They don't recognize or acknowledge their own feelings, and they're oblivious to other's emotional states. It's as if another person's feelings don't exist at all. We all know people like this. The lonely genius who only cares about others when they benefit or mentally challenge him. The aggressive smart aleck who thrives on making others feel uncomfortable. The distracted mother whose children have become unwanted responsibilities. The driven workaholic who denies himself and represses his emotions. The misattuned person doesn't make a lot of effort to get in touch with what others are feeling, and he just isn't much fun to be with. It is possible, however, for him to make adjustments to increase his EQ, improve his social skills and get in touch with his own emotions through emotional relearning.

Empathy is the key to Emotional Intelligence. Knowing how others feel unlocks the doors to compassion, self-control, adept social skills and to becoming a well-adjusted and happier person. Without empathy there is no real love, and life is lived purely for self-gratification. Empathy allows us to care for others and to live with a certain degree of morality.

Being in touch with our own emotions is also an important part of Emotional Intelligence. Understanding our own intentions and feelings helps us to focus on what's really important to us, keep expectations realistic and prevent negative emotions from controlling our point of view and destroying our lives.

Even though Emotional Intelligence isn't a self-help instructional manual, it certainly can be helpful to learn new strategies for self-control, getting to know yourself better, improving your relationships, becoming more successful and learning to be a little more understanding of others. All of which make the world a better place.

An absolute "classic" concerned EQ. Goleman's researches gave a big impact in all researches concerned EQ. To tell a truth a term "EQ" wasnt invented by Ph D D.Goleman but by Prof. Peter Salovey ten years before Goleman published His famous book. However we have to noticed Daniel GOLEMAN is the most known researcher and science publicist whose science activities are focused on EQ
The book of PhD. Daniel GOLEMAN opens new area of science psychology explorations. He presents a lot of fascinaiting hipothesis which are worthy of more deeper analisys and researches. I was personally inspired by dr Goleman and my doctorate dissertation is focused on EQ and Leadership mutual relationship

We like to think that intelligence lies in logical thought; that the measurement of intelligence in IQ tests, GPAs, or by SAT scores is a reflection of how successful a person will be in life. However, many examples exist of those with steller achievement test scores or very high IQs failing to succeed in life. Daniel Goleman addresses this phenomemon in this book, and proposes that another kind of intelligence is more reflective of life success. Goleman states that factors such as self motivation, self control, and persistence have a significant influence on determining success and happines. Goleman terms these factors "emotional intelligence", and believes that mastering these factors is critical to success in marriage, family, school, and the workplace. By the same token, the mismanagement of the factors of emotional intelligence is at the core of much of human misery. Uncontrolled anger, anxiety, and depression have significant and severe impacts on day-to-day life. Goleman purports that one of the keys to counteracting the damaging effects of out-of-control emotions are exercises that strenghten emotional intelligence.

Goleman's book is a facinating read. He uses dramatic, concise examples to illustrate the critical aspects of emotional intelligence, and makes a case for including emotional intelligence in the core curriculum of public schools. This book represents the cusp of a much needed change in public education. The book's only weakness is a lack of a concrete plan or series of steps that can be used to bolster emotional intelligence. Other than that, it is an enlightening and engaging read.

I bought this on audio CD after reading a review by one of Australia's top clinical psychologists, who specialises in positive psychology. Emotional Intelligence is a major new field of practical psychology that is already of significant size and growing rapidly.

This is an excellent comprehensive introduction. After giving a nice succinct introduction, Goleman has explained himself so well, and bedded down the topics so neatly, that one finds the topic has become self explanatory. This is a difficult achievement. Ironically I think it explains why some reviewers have found the latter part of the book repetitive and boring- I certainly did not. I felt it reinforced it further, making the full home run, and buying the sodas after. I certainly don't feel the need for further exposition of the main themes of Emotional Intelligence, though I have an appetite for his other works.

Emotional Intelligence should be of particular interest to parents, educators and employers, but has great value for all people. It offers great insights into the roadmap of the next decades of education.

It is a scientific evidence based book. It is not a "ra,ra, punch the sky, walk on hot coals, snake oil" book. It would also interest anyone who has an interest in Positive Psychology (eg Seligman "Authentic Happiness". Goleman's bio on Wikipedia is worth reading, he is a reputable highly qualified psychologist and journalist and trailblazer for this important new field.

Emotional Intelligence By Daniel Goldman
This book should be required reading for people who depend upon their rapport with people for the practice of their profession. Doctors who have a very high IQ and very little emotional intelligence should work in research where the lack of emotional intelligence will not count so much. But doctors who work with patients should have, or have to have more than the normal quota of emotional intelligence if they want to be successful. Then we get involved with the ego of the doctor and the patient and it becomes more important for a doctor to have rapport with his patients.
This book does more than that; it goes into the brain and describes the functions of the parts that make up emotional intelligence in a language that can be understood by the layman.
Being able to get along with people-that is 90 percent of emotional intelligence. Being able to hold your temper and count 10 before blowing up. If you think about it you may not have a reason to blow up. If you think about it and are still angry you may have a reason to be-then you are angry with your intelligence in gear.
The amygdala is the seat of emotional intelligence. A person can be taught or drilled in the correct emotional response, but who does not have the necessary IQ (cognitive elements) to make a good decision. We have to suppose that a person will know his or her own limits.
This is a good book for the person who needs to know, and wants to know something about the all-important human `set of drivers' (the brain).

Goleman is now known worldwide as the "guru" of emotional intelligence, his lectures and his books (such as best-selling) are popular among managers and consultants around the world.
But I shall return below.
Goleman is actually a competent psychologist who, using the most recent studies and research (compared to the recent publication of the book in question) in the field of psychology and neuroscience, has made it clear, in a completely understandable, the differences between "emotional brain "and" rational brain. "
In fact, these two concepts are metaphors, as Goleman same does not linger on the ever-popular notion of the two cerebral hemispheres (introduced by Nobel laureate Sperry and subsequently used widely in the scientific literature and pseudo-tale). Goleman, to tell the truth, it is also quite cautious in the use of the concept of "emotional intelligence", with which the title of the book. He does not refer, as in a very delicate and indirect, to so-called multiple intelligences Gardner, including social-relational.
His real goal is to convince the reader that the emotional skills (even better when he uses the term "social") are critical to success in life (and also affect the skills logical-mathematical and linguistic); and above all to show that these skills can be trained and improved.
That's the reason for his special attention to the school environment and educational, and partly to medical-clinical, compared to other contexts, including the organizational and business.
That said, it remains the point of his success as a "guru" of emotional intelligence in the world within the company. There is in fact corporate trainer who does not refer to the concept of emotional intelligence and Goleman's thesis.
There is a reason, in my opinion, that is also very significant.
The overwhelming development of business organizations in the course of the twentieth century, particularly manufacturing companies, but also services companies (banks, insurance, etc.) And even of government, was based mainly on the largest of the revolutions of the same century : the organizational revolution, precisely. The organization of the scientific and technical work has spread like wildfire since the early years of the twentieth century, disrupting economies, consumption and habits, structures and social relations. But our brains - as Goleman - yet one that has evolved over the last 50 000 generations. The ability of the amygdala (the control of emotions) to communicate in a second if microfaction of who or what you are suddenly in front was parried a prey or a predator, was the difference between surviving or dying.
In other words, the limbic part of the brain continues to operate as usual, often upsetting our behavior, even in contexts in which, apparently, has only the technique and rationality.
In the last part of the twentieth century this issue came to the forefront in the organizations, once the scientific method of work has spread evenly.
Goleman has come at the right time, when the personnel managers, and corporate executives in general, have realized the importance of knowing how to manage emotions in the company, as much as that of being able to manage the technologies.

Ever since I read Martin Gardiner's book on multiple intelligences, I have been intrigued by the study of how we learn and the different types of intelligence. No one disputes that mathematical/analytical brain-power is a very different type of intelligence from the kind of bodily intelligence that makes someone a graceful gymnast or a super athlete; while there is often some cross-over between the kinds of intelligence that make for good mathematicians and good musicians, the kinds of intelligence that are brought to bear on different parts of our lives get developed in different ways.
One of the more controversial and overlooked types of intelligence is Emotional Intelligence. I do not agree with the idea that one's EQ is in some way opposite from the IQ, the standard intelligence quotient idea (which in and of itself is calculated and reliant on different criteria depending upon the test). I don't believe that Goleman ever makes such a dramatic claim as to show a precise inverse relationship between the EQ and IQ. He does show that there are different kinds of difficulties that can arise, and that a high IQ does not necessarily (or even often) translate into a high EQ.
After a brief introduction exploring the general issues of intelligence and the power of emotions, Goleman
looks at new discoveries in brain anatomy and architecture, particularly as it pertains to what happens when emotions `take over'. The second, and longest, section of the book looks at the nature of Emotional Intelligence. This is being able to understand oneself as well as others, being able to control emotions (or not), and drawing on Aristotle's phrase from the Nicomachean Ethics, being able to have the right degree of emotion at the right time for the right reason for the right duration. Goleman's third section incorporates the general ideas of Emotional Intelligence into the broader context of living, stating that one's emotional intelligence is in fact a more critical factor than pure computational intelligence at being `successful' in many important parts of life - from personal relationships to professional relationships, self-satisfaction and self-growth, emotions often hold sway over traditional `intelligence'. The fourth section examines developmental issues, leading to the final section exploring what happens when such development goes wrong.
Goleman's observation that children seem to be increasingly depressed, despondent, violent and unruly than in the past may or may not be accurate - unfortunately, such comparisons with the past often rely on shaky anecdotal evidence or studies whose parameters are different, and thus whose conclusions cannot be accurately compared. However, it certainly seems that these are true observations. Goleman warns of a coming crisis as unprepared children face an adulthood full of emotional stress and crises for which they have not developed coping skills. Goleman calls for more emphasis on emotional intelligence issues - anger management, conflict resolution, sense of self, etc. for school children to reduce violence and potential for crime.
Overall, this book presents interesting ideas. The idea of Emotional Intelligence is fairly new, and will no doubt be adapted and revised in the coming years. Goleman's task here may be less of a comprehensive overview rather than an introductory shout to the community that needs to address the issue.

This path-breaking book makes clear, on the basis of both traditional psychological studies and neurological research, how important the emotions are and what the role of "emotional intelligence" is. My only issue with the book is that rather than focus on the concept of emotional intelligence, it covers the entire world of psychology: marriage and divorce, crime, depression, anxiety, trauma, you name it. It's more like a guide to disorders and therapies of all sorts than anything else.

The left hemisphere of the brain is used for logical, analytical, rational, and objective reasoning. The right hemisphere is used for intuitive, subjective and holistic thinking. Using only one side of the brain is denying oneself of the full power of the decision making process.

Most people are fully capable of using both parts of their brains to make sound, rational and logical decisions that they feel good about. The left brain, right brain crossover is worth developing.

People who use only use their left brain and work with facts, data and logic without feelings to make decisions are missing the richness of using their emotions. These individuals deny their feelings because they believe that facts, data, and logic always produce better decisions than feelings and emotions.

Feelings are an integral part of the human condition. Accepting and embracing them during decision making ensures that you will feel good about your decision--now, and later.

On the flip side, those who only "feel" their answers miss the importance of backing up those feelings with information and common sense. Learning the facts and data frequently saves a great deal of money, time, and heartache.

It can be scary to learn the facts and data for someone accustomed to basing decisions on feelings. However, moving out of one's comfort zone and using the left side of the brain ensures balanced and sound decisions.

Daniel Goleman's book does an excellent job of teaching Emotional Intelligence and how to tap into self-awareness, self-discipline and empathy. This leads to happier, healthier and are more successful personally and professionally. This is one of the most important keys to unlocking our potential as humans!
The Re-Discovery of Common Sense: A Guide to: The Lost Art of Critical Thinking

Daniel Goleman's book "Emotional Intelligence" shows how the undervaluation of emotion has wreaked pathological havoc on America. Divorce, depression, aggression, chronic anger, violence, ruined careers, and poor health are the evidence. When you think about it, in a "postmodern world" where "reason" seems to be in perpetual danger of drifting into chaos, it seems inevitable that the value of emotion would become a meaningful topic. The truth is, of course, that emotions have always been far more significant and consequential than the high-reasoning side of our culture has been willing to acknowledge. It is a great paradox that generations of suppressed emotions would lead to a backlash of overvaluation of the notion that emotions are something one is not responsible for--that when we're overcome by emotion, nothing can be done about it. Emotional outrage often becomes the basis of successful criminal defense strategies. On the other hand, millions of people do not realize that feelings are to life experience as a wet finger is to wind direction, and that emotion is also a veritable societal barometer. The key to emotional intelligence is equilibrium. In a postmodern world, emotional intelligence is equilibrium. Highly recommended.

Having spent decades trying to better understand, apply, explain, and teach the "soft" skills of personal growth and leadership, I was very excited to come across the groundbreaking Emotional Intelligence research in 1997. Since then, I've been an avid collector of any findings. I continue to marvel at the ways in which it brings rigor, discipline, and empirical research to the fuzzy and subjective topic of personal, team, and organizational leadership. It's a great way to think logically about feelings - to go through the head to get at issues of the heart. The Emotional Intelligence Competency Framework is a strong leadership model that clearly shows what it takes to live and lead highly fulfilling and effective lives.

I've quoted from this other and of Goleman's books in own books on personal growth, leadership development, and organizational culture.

There are three things to clarify for this review:

1) I wanted to read this to gain some perspective on dealing with a boss who I assume has a low emotional intelligence
2) I instantly found what I was looking for
3) I also discovered I already knew the answer

I think #3 indicates why the book exists. Looking through reviews of this book (not just on the store) I see a lot of reviews that indicate readers want to learn how to be more emotionally sensitive. To me, that isn't possible. It is the equivalent of reading books on how to be a genius in order to become a genius.

For those that have an emotional backbone, you'll likely find yourself reading this thinking "Yes! Duh!". At the very least it will reaffirm for you that you are not alone and somebody understands where you are coming from. In the meantime, my boss is still a robot trying to mimic emotion and I am an employee doing my best to not get angry at him for it.

It's hard to summarize this book better than fellow the storeian P. Lozar "plozar" when she says: "the overriding theme here seems to me to be ridiculously simple: good nurturing (rather than aptitude) is more likely to produce exceptional humans; bad nurturing creates people with a bunch of problems".

This timely book is very helpful for us "emotionally illiterate", but I find the tone too forced on optimism, "you can do it!" attitude, and maybe a certain condescension masked in a violently politically correct discourse...
At times I have the impression of reading a diplomat, seller or a politician's speech rather than a real teacher or researcher...
The problem with this "sanitized" versions of feeling is that they speak about hard issues like, for instance, rapists and domestic violence with a nonchalant detachment that it ends up insulting the very victims he seems to have dedicated his life to help. This "Astronaut's view" may help for contentious topics in, say, contemporary history. But for all his talk about "a new psychology" to be taught in all schools, I feel he should have put, well, more emotion into his book.

My favorite parts are his dealings with psychopathy "life without empathy" (ch. 7) and depression, under "managing melancholy" on chapter 6 and on page 177 onwards (ch.11). I only wish I had read this 10 years ago ... Same goes for the experiment run by John Gottman with couples measuring up their reactions when angered on chapter 9, finally giving me the scientific grounding for the empirically tested truth that "you have to get out of the argument" for at least 20 minutes if you want to solve the matter rationally. This also applies to family arguments as well :).

I also found useful "The artful critique" on chapter 10 (dealing with EI on the workplace) and "the rudiments of social intelligence" on chapter 8, "Social arts". The fact that Goleman devoted 5 chapters to different applications to virtually all the important fields of life is one of the many "redeeming qualities" of the book. I've the impression he likes the applications to medicine that to management (at least, he uses more than the double of quotations, for about the same length of chapter).

His style is engaging, a bit "American. i.e.: usually stars each chapter with a lengthy example, and includes personal anecdotes. The one of how fear blocked all reasoning on a Calculus exam (p. 78) is my favorite, and probably any reader will know some "math phobic" who experienced something similar :). Goleman is righteously self assured. Only a "big shot" could quote seemingly great authors by the conversations he had, "as Gardner (Harvard) told me", "Sternberg (Yale) said to me", etc.
But I miss the enthusiasm and spontaneity of his earlier books, like the virtually unknown "What psychology knows that everyone should" and his previous bestseller: "Vital lies, simple truths". I felt I was reading a budding genius of psychology, brimming with enthusiasm.

Daniel is very good at synthesis, like on page 241, one author per paragraph. Having read Seligman, I feel he just chose the best paragraph. The same goes for PTSD on chapter 13.
His style is rather repetitive. I feel he's said "no matter how bad you are, you can always learn how to be better" in every chapter. And his endorsement of particular schools is almost appalling. Besides, I'm not very sure the kind of "social intelligence" he extols is really good. If I had a child like "Roger" on chapter 8 who fakes being hurt to befriend somebody, I'd fear I'd raised a "social chameleon" as he very well describes on the same chapter :).
He is a very good writer, as witness his funny description of the absurdity of the routine medical test with the unemphatic doctor while he was worrying about him having cancer on page 181 or the already mentioned flunk at Calculus at college. We know he can write well and to the point, not loosing rigor at all by being frank and personal.

The physiology in the book is didactically explained and appears mostly on chapter 3 and appendix C, so it's hard to understand how a reader complained it's hard to read (I lack any knowledge of Biology).

Summing up, I have recommended this book to a bunch of friends, but the ones that really need to read it have been put off by the wishy-washy style. I'd have it rewritten by an angry young French philosopher, that would make it funnier :)!

Most of the reviews of this book claim it gave them new insights. Me too. Only what I "take home" as most important from this book is quite different than what others have said in their reviews.

I spent my working career as a civil servant (now retired), an employee of the Federal government. Firing someone who passes their 2 year probationary period is more difficult in the Federal civil service system than it is in private enterprise. So, greater care is needed when hiring a new person. Consequently, we spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to tell if a prospective employee would be a long term asset, or a long term liability.

What was prefectly clear to us was that the technical knowledge, skills, and abilities we measured against were not always good predictors of how well an employee would do in the long run. Equally important, in the long run, are an employee's abilities to work with other people well, be productive team members, self motivate, work independently without constant supervision, and be honest with themselves and others.

We did not compromise on the technical skills; but those being equal, we tried to select the person most skilled at what Daniel Goleman describes as emotional intelligence. We didn't have a name for it then, but we knew very well what we were looking for.

What is so outstanding about Goleman's book is his very convincing demonstration that emotional intelligence, unlike IQ, is a learned intelligence -- indeed it must be taught, else a person will grow up emotionally in deficit.

Second most outstanding is his demonstrations that the many emotional deficits in neglected children can be partially corrected (nothing is 100 percent) by simple training, in as little as 1 hr. per day for 8 weeks. More training continued to yield more results.

Third most outstanding is his insistence that our public school system needs to begin teaching emotional intelligence. Actually, this may be the most revolutionary part of the book. It is a compelling paradigm shift.

Our public school administrators have been claiming that parental involvement is the single most important factor in determining a child's success in school. It is very true, but it also an indirect way of them saying, "Emotional training is not our problem." Reading, writing and arithmetic, sports, and the like are their well defined domain, but they feel that emotional deficits belong to parents, as psychological/ behavioral problems instead of learning deficits. (Both claims are, of course, right. But the fact that the psychological/behavioral problems are caused by a learning deficit means one must focus on the learning deficit because it is causative.)

Goleman argues that emotional intelligence is a learned skill; and is a major determinant of whether a child will succeed or fail academically. Inceed, it is predictive.

He argues convincingly that public schools need a paradigm shift; they need to teach emotional skills to all students. He also convincingly addresses potential objections.

I take away these potent arguments as far more important than the idea that emotional intelligence exists, or that EI is important to a person's happiness and success. We knew that, even if we didn't give it the exquisite name that Goleman has. I suspect some of the reviews that claim the book is repetitive did not fully appreciate that Goleman was carefully developed his sequence of argument that lead to his very audacious (but well supported and compelling) call for a paradigm shift in our public education system. Whether my suspicion is correct or not, I did not find this book boring in the least. Page by page it enlightened me. That is all I ask of a book like this.

Emotional Intelligence is, as Daniel Goleman explains in his book by that name, as important, and in many cases more important, than intellectual intelligence (IQ). Thus this book is a must read for anyone seeking a better self understanding and understanding of others. While it is written in a somewhat academic style, the lay person can easily comprehend and utilize it. I rate it as five stars because everyone can profit from it. The following is a summary of the key points of the book.

Emotional Intelligence can be defined as consisting of five main domains.
1. Knowing one's emotions, self-awareness--recognizing a feeling when it happens is the keystone of emotional intelligence
2. Managing emotions--handling feelings so that they are appropriate
3. Motivating oneself--using your emotions to reach a goal. Emotional self-control--delaying gratification and stifling impulsiveness--underlies accomplishment of any sort.
4. Recognizing emotions in others--empathy--is the fundamental people skill
5. Handling relationships--in large part the ability to handle emotions in others

Delayed gratification--study of children who were able to delay eating candy showed that those who had this ability were much more successful in later life. Also they did better in school and on tests such as the SAT.

Optimism also predicts academic success. Optimism and hope are based on the idea of self-efficacy--the belief that one has mastery over the events in one's life and can meet challenges as they come up.

Interpersonal intelligence has four parts:

1. the ability to organize groups of people
2. the ability to negotiate solutions to problems and conflicts
3. the ability to connect personally with others--empathy
4. the social analysis--the ability to detect and have insights about people's feelings, motives, and concerns.

How to criticize others:

1. Be specific--pick a significant incident or event that illustrates a key problem that needs changing or a pattern of behaviors
2. Offer a solution.
3. Be present--give the critique in a face-to-face manner and in private
4. Be sensitive--have empathy

The most important factor in the success of a group is the degree to which the members are able to create a state of internal harmony. One study showed that there was little individual difference among members of successful and unsuccessful groups.

Emotions can affect your health--pessimism can affect your immune system. Having a social network of family and friends is also important to good health. Now people are living more and more isolated lives.

Emotional competence can help you overcome any difficulty including poverty and mistreatment as a child. Key emotional skills include a winning sociability that draws people to you, self-confidence, an optimistic persistence in the face of failure and frustration, the ability to recover quickly from upsets and an easygoing nature.

Key emotional skills include self-awareness, identifying, expressing and managing feelings, impulse control and delaying gratification, and handling stress and anxiety. Know the difference between feelings and actions and learn to make better emotional decisions by first controlling the impulse to act, the identifying alternative actions and their consequences before acting.

Emotional intelligence also can be called "character".

Emotional families: Anger, sadness, fear, enjoyment, love, surprise, fear, and shame

Hallmarks of an emotional mind:

1. a quick but sloppy response--the emotional mind is much quicker than the rational mind--it springs to action without considering what it is doing. These actions carry a sense of certainty.
2. first feelings, second thoughts. A rational mind does not decide what emotions we "should" have. Our feelings come as an accomplished fact. What the rational mind can control is the course of those feelings--how we act on them.
3. a symbolic, child-like reality. The logic of the emotional mind is associative--it takes elements that symbolize a reality as the same as the reality. What matters to the emotional mind is how things seem, not how they really are. One way the emotional mind is child-like is in categorical thinking--everything is black or white. Another sign is personalized thinking with events centering on the person not the situation. Another aspect is self-confirming, suppressing or ignoring facts that that would undermine the belief and affirming those that support it. By contrast the beliefs of the rational mind are tentative--new evidence can change it--it reasons by objective evidence. The emotional mind, however, takes its beliefs to be absolutely true and discounts any evidence to the contrary--which is why it is so hard to change an emotional mind.
4. the past is imposed on the present. When some aspect of an event seems familiar to the emotional mind it reacts to the present as though it was the past.
5. State specific reality. The working of the emotional mind is to a large degree state specific, dictated by the particular feeling of the moment. Each feeling has its own repertoire of thought, reactions and memories. These memories are often selective

To take an Emotional Intelligence test go to [...]

If you can summon the stamina to get past the first two chapters, this is an excellent book on the underlying formation of the difference between true intelligence and academics. Most of the work is tackled from a neuropsychiatric perspective, and readers would be well advised to brush up on their knowledge of brain maps to make the understanding easier.

The book is divided into five sections:
1. The emotional brain.
2. The nature of emotional intelligence.
3. Emotional intelligence applied.
4. Windows of opportunity.
5. Emotional literacy.

Goleman provides ample practical examples of his points, mostly citing research that is not his own (adding credibility, in my opinion).

The book deals with emotional intelligence (EI) in various arenas, eg relationships, work, family, society. The last few chapters are devoted to examples of how schools in the US use EI to guide children. One omission, however, is Goleman's failure to discuss whether EI can be influenced in adults, similar to his examples of children.

Goleman's writing is reasonably accessible and fluid, despite content which is sometimes academic. A fold-out map of the brain would have been useful to get through the first half of the book.

Highly recommended reading for those who seek to understand life.

In this well researched book, Goleman makes his point early on that IQ is overrated as a predictor of future success. He cites numerous studies and examples and supports his claim convincingly. The writing is dry and at times slow going. Goleman lumps everything outside of traditional intelligence under emotion which was baffling. For example, he points out how an individual's level of optimism can predict their level of success. Is optimism an emotion? He does provide an appendix where he tries to define what he means by emotions but it was all too vague for me. The lack of clarity makes the book of limited practical use. You may be disappointed if you are looking for a self help book.

In another section he describes a study in 4 year olds where they are given a choice between getting a marshmallow now versus waiting 15 minutes and getting two marshmallows later. The kids who chose to delay gratification and waited for two marshmallows went on to become more successful adolescents on average. At this point I expected the author to go on and tell the reader how a parent could guide his kids to control their impulses and embrace delayed gratification. That would be the natural flow but that is not the direction he takes which may disappoint readers. If you trudge through the book, you will be rewarded with gaining some understanding of some concepts in psychology, but don't expect a fun and entertaining read.

Emotional intelligence by Daniel Goleman argues that emotional maturity is a more important factor for determining future success than IQ. The books tries to combine a whole bunch of research together. Judging by some of the criticism on the store.com, perhaps not all of the research is represented well. However, all in all, this was an interesting book, but not exceptional. I don't think it had a large impact on my thinking nor did I feel it was a MUST read.

The book consists of five parts. The first part describes some brain research and biology. The second part looks at the different emotions and how they relate to the brain and what an increased EQ means related to these emotions. The third and the fourth part talk about different real life scenarios (marriage, crime, medicine) and how EQ has an impact on these. The last part covers why EQ is needed and how we can increase the EQ of ourselves and our children.

I enjoyed the beginning of the book (part 1 and 2), but then as the book progressed, I became less and less interested in it and even had to force myself to read it further. There was a lot of repetition and convincing and repetition going on all the time. I found my mind unable to focus. So, if you read this book, probably just read part 1 and 2 and browse the other parts and only read the parts that you like.

So, I rated this three stars. It was an interesting book and covered some new ideas. In that sense, it does what it was suppose to do. If it would have stopped after the second part, it might be four stars. However, the one-star reviews on the store.com are insightful and make me doubt the book more. Do remember, the book is written by a journalist and not a scientist.
Not really recommended, but not bad either.

At first, I found this book so dense and hard to get into, that I picked it up and put it down several times in favor of lighter fare. I was about to throw in the towel and admit defeat until about a third of the way through, when the chapter on empathy really piqued my interest. Though it took me a while, I did finish this book, and I'm glad I did. As I said, this book is dense in every sense of the word; it is detailed and chock full of TONS of information. But what really changed my mind about my rating of the book overall was the last section on promoting emotional literacy, especially in schools. Coming from the education field, I know how crucial it is that teachers and administrators do not ignore children's emotional lives and skills, but instead use schools and classrooms as a chance to cultivate social/emotional learning, so that our children can avoid serious problems later as teens or as adults. I was so impressed that Goleman used his last chapter to promote the message of incorporating emotional literacy more widely into our schools and teaching these essential skills to all our children, and I could not agree more with the question he ends with: If not now, when?

This book would definitely appeal to those who are interested in the field of psychology in general, and neuropsychology in particular. I would also recommend this book to educators; even if you do not read the whole book, at least read the last two chapters, which are so pertinent to our field and well-worth the read.

This book is for people wishing to learn and improve. The ability to identify, assess, and control the emotions of oneself and others to facilitate thought are a form of emotional intelligence traced to Darwin's early work on emotional expression for survival and adaptation. Empathy, ability to motivate, and leader effectiveness don't always correlate with standard testing models. The ability to remember facts is different than the ability to solve problems and adjust to changing conditions. I consider gut feelings, control of emotions, adapting to changing circumstances, empathy and the ability to sense and understand others elements of emotional intelligence. Managing, influencing and inspiring others, and resolving conflicts are emotional competencies also related to the overall intelligence of individuals. The inheritability of emotional intelligence, genetic similarities, habits and emotional intelligence is highly relevant in my book Adoption Detective.

Judith Land, Author
Adoption Detective: Memoir of an Adopted Child

If you happened to be raised in an especially well-adjusted home, you may already understand this stuff in a way that a lot of other people don't.

But how many people were raised this beautifully? The nuclear family is no longer a "given". I mentored challenged youth for five years in Big Brothers/Big Sisters, and many of today's children are in no position to understand emotional intelligence on the basis of what is going on at home.

I am the first one to agree that it SHOULD be the parents' responsibility to appropriately raise their children. However, reality is that there are a lot of challenged parents that are in return raising challenged youth, and this cycle generally goes on and on.

The schools would be doing themselves a huge favor if they presented this type of material in an age-appropriate manner.

This book makes a key point that is salient for people of all ages: venting is NOT cathartic. Instead of getting things out of your system, venting perpetuates the subject matter and breathes new life and fire into it, rather like a bellows bringing embers to flame. It is far better to let this type of ember die out than it is to renew its vitality.

Although this book can be rather "textbooky" (on the dry side) it is worth your while to digest it for your own sake, as well as for the benefit of any children that you may be influencing.

Thank you Mr. Goleman for giving this subject matter the analysis and attention it deserves.

Goleman's books provide a lot of scientific meat but there isn't a whole lot of application or advice. Sheds a lot of light of how emotions impact development from pre-natal onward. These sections provoke some anxiety because a lot of this is last year's harvest. In that respect, I recommend this for parents who are about to start a family. Goleman reveals the nuances that affect whether a child will be emotionally and socially stable. Not a whole lot on what you can do now about that. Social Intelligence is 2.0 of this but essentially the same thing. Buying only one of the books is wholly sufficient in obtaining the gist of his studies and research.

Daniel Goleman has written an interesting book about the physiological and social consequences of emotions and our ability to control them. He makes a convincing case for emotional competence as perhaps a greater prerequisite for success than intellectual brilliance. Many of us can probably corroborate this for ourselves by recalling very intelligent people we have known who have a tendency to sabotage themselves through their inability to deal with other people appropriately.

For me, the sections of the book that described the physiology of emotions--the role of the amygdala and limbic system and the neural pathways that allow "emotional hijackings"--were most fascinating. Likewise, I was captivated by the descriptions of psychological studies of emotional competency, such as the one that showed that a child's ability to control impulses at age four was a greater indicator of later success on SAT exams than any other single factor.

I remove a star because some of the later sections read like more conventional self-help books. I was also skeptical of Goleman's proposal that schools step in and teach emotional competency through curricula such as self-science. As a public school teacher who has had first-hand experience of school efforts to teach self-control and anger management to students with behavioral issues, I believe that public schools are not equipped to do this effectively. The horrendous home situations of these students are, in many cases, just too pervasive and all-encompassing in a student's life to resist. What's the alternative, since it is unrealistic to expect the families of these children to change their behavior? Give up? Obviously, that is also unacceptable. However, as long as the federal government is breathing down the necks of public schools with unrealistic expectations and punishments at the ready, don't expect schools to stray far from any subject matter that is not rigourously standards-based and measureable on a standardized test.

The tenth anniversary of this book was just recently published, and I read it for a book club. Daniel Goleman, the author, has some very interesting statistics he has culled from years of psychological studies. The one I will highlight here is: classical I.Q. makes up only 20% of a successful career and life. The other 80% is largely due to one's ability to recognize the roles others play in day to day life and how we fit into the picture. Goleman spends some time covering the existential basis for cognition and lays out the neurological mode and nervous system synaptic way of perception, but is most convincing when he highlights case studies of people first in their childhood, and later in adulthood. If you are unable to put yourself in the other person's shoes, and in short are lacking the ability to be empathetic, you most likely are causing first yourself, then your family and coworkers and friends much sorrow, frustration and even harm. The good news, being empathetic can be learned. It is not something you're just born with and have to play the cards you've been delt. You can change your behaviour, your old habits, and make yourself a better person in the process! I highly recommend this book for anyone who works with people and especially those who are a member of any team, be it sports, professional, or spiritual. A very enlightening read indeed.

In regard to psychological analysis and social implications of emotional IQ, I haven't much to add compared to other reviewers on the details of the theories presented in this book. Nevertheless, the overall idea that I received regarding the concept of an emotional IQ is the underlying belief that while a person cannot help but feel emotions, they can choose how to express them. There is an explanation in the text that explains that the development of the neocortex of the brain in humans allows them to overrule fear and other emotional instincts in order to fight against an automatic fight or flight response. I suppose an extension of this would be man's ability to use reason and logic ought to be able to overrule emotional impulse, so simply training one's self (or having someone teach an individual) to do so would increase their emotional IQ. In theory and practice, this seems to be a pretty good idea.

However, there is a slight problem with the opinion of the author creeping in the text that seems to contradict his own methodology. In several anecdotal instances he claims that possession of firearms causes violent emotional impulses by themselves - supposedly that simply by existing they are some kind of mystic totem that causes suspension of reason. In the conclusion he also uses the (now debunked) CDC "firearm epidemic" study that held the existence of firearms in a vacuum while shedding individual responsibility as a variable. Aside from making it very clear about Mr. Goleman's political stance on the matter of private ownership of firearms, the inclusion of his opinions in the text somewhat detracts from his overall message as it creates a "blind spot" of sorts in his methodology. I suppose though that perhaps this is his own personal way of illustrating emotional instinct overruling human reason? If so, then I perhaps it's a valuable lesson to the reader showing that even experts in their own field can benefit from a little introspection now and then.

Amazing book, this is one of a kind reading that changed the way I think about myself and others.

The author bases his findings on a long time research and studies, and concludes that the emotional intelligence of an individual counts more to be successful in life than his intellectual coefficient and then proceeds to develop this idea in a very convincing way chapter after chapter showing diverse examples associated to the successful behavior of people of different walks of life, at different ages, and interacting with different environments, who have something in common; being wise emotionally.

After finishing this book I realized that every day, unknowingly, we use much more times our emotional skills than the technical knowledge we learn in college (i.e arguing with the boss, relating with a co-worker, playing with others when we are kids, interacting with our parents, selling a product, viewing the world, making a phone call to talk to someone, negotiating something, etc)

Among the emotional skills, encompassing both the individual and social fields are self awareness, self regulation, motivation, empathy, leadership, there are also some tips about how to improve them. I have to point out that this is a book about psychology not business.

I do not know if this book became a best-seller in the US but in my country certainly did and I am grateful it came to my hands.

Being smart does not always involve having a high IQ . . . if you don't
believe that, then read (or listen, as I did) to EMOTIONAL
INTELLIGENCE by Daniel Goleman.

You'll see why some people of modest IQ often do well in life,
largely because they utilize such qualities as self-awareness,
impulse control, persistence, zeal, self-motivation, empathy,
and social deftness--or what Goleman terms emotional intelligence.

The author drives his message home through the use of
lots of excellent examples that make it clear that to excel in life,
you need these qualities . . . if you lack them, then your career
may be ruined . .. and perhaps most significantly, children
need to develop emotional intelligence or they'll fall prey to
depression, eating disorders and crime.

Among the many tidbits I gained from this program were
the following:

* It is important to help others in need. Depressed people, in
particular, need to do this--but they rarely do.

* Emotional intelligence needs to be taught in our schools.

* Another word for emotional intelligence is character.

And my favorite:
* A monk on the best way to handle anger: Don't express it, but
don't act on it.

I found the explanatory style to be chaotic, a distracting jumble of illustrative vignettes and references to research findings that were too vaguely explained to be interpretable. The author's opinions being mixed in with the summaries of others' work without clean transitions between the two made the book difficult and frustrating to follow. I suppose part of the problem was my expectation of part thesis, part self-help book, rather than some drama scenes and aphorisms mixed into a collection of Wikipedia article snippets.

After I paged through the book and saw that the same style continued throughout, I gave up on it. I didn't even read a third of it. Waste of time.

Daniel Goleman's book Emotional Intelligence (1995) is a well written and researched study of the role emotions play in people's personal lives, and the effect that incompetent emotional management has on society. Goleman uses many individual examples to illustrate his point that emotional illiteracy (the inability to read emotions and respond appropriately) is both devastating and costly. Broken marriages, depression, domestic abuse, isolation, eating disorders, crime, alcoholism and drug abuse are all in some way the end result of people's emotions gone awry. How can anyone possibly maintain a healthy outlook on life if their emotions are constantly getting the best of them? Goleman uses terms like:

Emotional flooding: When someone is overwhelmed by another's negativity and their own reaction to it. They become swamped with dreadful and out-of-control feelings. Their perception becomes negative and distorted. They find it hard to organize their thoughts and fall back on primitive reactions like striking back or running away.

Emotional hijacking: a neural takeover by a rush of emotions causing an outburst. "Blinded by rage", "a slave to passion", "scared to death" and "uncontrollable laughter" are examples of emotional hijackings. A person in this state loses their sense of reason, and emotions build on emotions causing a loss of control.

Misattunement: The misattuned person doesn't read his own or other's emotions effectively. They don't recognize or acknowledge their own feelings, and they're oblivious to other's emotional states. It's as if another person's feelings don't exist at all. We all know people like this. The lonely genius who only cares about others when they benefit or mentally challenge him. The aggressive smart aleck who thrives on making others feel uncomfortable. The distracted mother whose children have become unwanted responsibilities. The driven workaholic who denies himself and represses his emotions. The misattuned person doesn't make a lot of effort to get in touch with what others are feeling, and he just isn't much fun to be with. It is possible, however, for him to make adjustments to increase his EQ, improve his social skills and get in touch with his own emotions through emotional relearning.

Empathy is the key to Emotional Intelligence. Knowing how others feel unlocks the doors to compassion, self-control, adept social skills and to becoming a well-adjusted and happier person. Without empathy there is no real love, and life is lived purely for self-gratification. Empathy allows us to care for others and to live with a certain degree of morality.

Being in touch with our own emotions is also an important part of Emotional Intelligence. Understanding our own intentions and feelings helps us to focus on what's really important to us, keep expectations realistic and prevent negative emotions from controlling our point of view and destroying our lives.

Even though Emotional Intelligence isn't a self-help instructional manual, it certainly can be helpful to learn new strategies for self-control, getting to know yourself better, improving your relationships, becoming more successful and learning to be a little more understanding of others. All of which make the world a better place.

An absolute "classic" concerned EQ. Goleman's researches gave a big impact in all researches concerned EQ. To tell a truth a term "EQ" wasnt invented by Ph D D.Goleman but by Prof. Peter Salovey ten years before Goleman published His famous book. However we have to noticed Daniel GOLEMAN is the most known researcher and science publicist whose science activities are focused on EQ
The book of PhD. Daniel GOLEMAN opens new area of science psychology explorations. He presents a lot of fascinaiting hipothesis which are worthy of more deeper analisys and researches. I was personally inspired by dr Goleman and my doctorate dissertation is focused on EQ and Leadership mutual relationship

We like to think that intelligence lies in logical thought; that the measurement of intelligence in IQ tests, GPAs, or by SAT scores is a reflection of how successful a person will be in life. However, many examples exist of those with steller achievement test scores or very high IQs failing to succeed in life. Daniel Goleman addresses this phenomemon in this book, and proposes that another kind of intelligence is more reflective of life success. Goleman states that factors such as self motivation, self control, and persistence have a significant influence on determining success and happines. Goleman terms these factors "emotional intelligence", and believes that mastering these factors is critical to success in marriage, family, school, and the workplace. By the same token, the mismanagement of the factors of emotional intelligence is at the core of much of human misery. Uncontrolled anger, anxiety, and depression have significant and severe impacts on day-to-day life. Goleman purports that one of the keys to counteracting the damaging effects of out-of-control emotions are exercises that strenghten emotional intelligence.

Goleman's book is a facinating read. He uses dramatic, concise examples to illustrate the critical aspects of emotional intelligence, and makes a case for including emotional intelligence in the core curriculum of public schools. This book represents the cusp of a much needed change in public education. The book's only weakness is a lack of a concrete plan or series of steps that can be used to bolster emotional intelligence. Other than that, it is an enlightening and engaging read.

I bought this on audio CD after reading a review by one of Australia's top clinical psychologists, who specialises in positive psychology. Emotional Intelligence is a major new field of practical psychology that is already of significant size and growing rapidly.

This is an excellent comprehensive introduction. After giving a nice succinct introduction, Goleman has explained himself so well, and bedded down the topics so neatly, that one finds the topic has become self explanatory. This is a difficult achievement. Ironically I think it explains why some reviewers have found the latter part of the book repetitive and boring- I certainly did not. I felt it reinforced it further, making the full home run, and buying the sodas after. I certainly don't feel the need for further exposition of the main themes of Emotional Intelligence, though I have an appetite for his other works.

Emotional Intelligence should be of particular interest to parents, educators and employers, but has great value for all people. It offers great insights into the roadmap of the next decades of education.

It is a scientific evidence based book. It is not a "ra,ra, punch the sky, walk on hot coals, snake oil" book. It would also interest anyone who has an interest in Positive Psychology (eg Seligman "Authentic Happiness". Goleman's bio on Wikipedia is worth reading, he is a reputable highly qualified psychologist and journalist and trailblazer for this important new field.

Emotional Intelligence By Daniel Goldman
This book should be required reading for people who depend upon their rapport with people for the practice of their profession. Doctors who have a very high IQ and very little emotional intelligence should work in research where the lack of emotional intelligence will not count so much. But doctors who work with patients should have, or have to have more than the normal quota of emotional intelligence if they want to be successful. Then we get involved with the ego of the doctor and the patient and it becomes more important for a doctor to have rapport with his patients.
This book does more than that; it goes into the brain and describes the functions of the parts that make up emotional intelligence in a language that can be understood by the layman.
Being able to get along with people-that is 90 percent of emotional intelligence. Being able to hold your temper and count 10 before blowing up. If you think about it you may not have a reason to blow up. If you think about it and are still angry you may have a reason to be-then you are angry with your intelligence in gear.
The amygdala is the seat of emotional intelligence. A person can be taught or drilled in the correct emotional response, but who does not have the necessary IQ (cognitive elements) to make a good decision. We have to suppose that a person will know his or her own limits.
This is a good book for the person who needs to know, and wants to know something about the all-important human `set of drivers' (the brain).

Goleman is now known worldwide as the "guru" of emotional intelligence, his lectures and his books (such as best-selling) are popular among managers and consultants around the world.
But I shall return below.
Goleman is actually a competent psychologist who, using the most recent studies and research (compared to the recent publication of the book in question) in the field of psychology and neuroscience, has made it clear, in a completely understandable, the differences between "emotional brain "and" rational brain. "
In fact, these two concepts are metaphors, as Goleman same does not linger on the ever-popular notion of the two cerebral hemispheres (introduced by Nobel laureate Sperry and subsequently used widely in the scientific literature and pseudo-tale). Goleman, to tell the truth, it is also quite cautious in the use of the concept of "emotional intelligence", with which the title of the book. He does not refer, as in a very delicate and indirect, to so-called multiple intelligences Gardner, including social-relational.
His real goal is to convince the reader that the emotional skills (even better when he uses the term "social") are critical to success in life (and also affect the skills logical-mathematical and linguistic); and above all to show that these skills can be trained and improved.
That's the reason for his special attention to the school environment and educational, and partly to medical-clinical, compared to other contexts, including the organizational and business.
That said, it remains the point of his success as a "guru" of emotional intelligence in the world within the company. There is in fact corporate trainer who does not refer to the concept of emotional intelligence and Goleman's thesis.
There is a reason, in my opinion, that is also very significant.
The overwhelming development of business organizations in the course of the twentieth century, particularly manufacturing companies, but also services companies (banks, insurance, etc.) And even of government, was based mainly on the largest of the revolutions of the same century : the organizational revolution, precisely. The organization of the scientific and technical work has spread like wildfire since the early years of the twentieth century, disrupting economies, consumption and habits, structures and social relations. But our brains - as Goleman - yet one that has evolved over the last 50 000 generations. The ability of the amygdala (the control of emotions) to communicate in a second if microfaction of who or what you are suddenly in front was parried a prey or a predator, was the difference between surviving or dying.
In other words, the limbic part of the brain continues to operate as usual, often upsetting our behavior, even in contexts in which, apparently, has only the technique and rationality.
In the last part of the twentieth century this issue came to the forefront in the organizations, once the scientific method of work has spread evenly.
Goleman has come at the right time, when the personnel managers, and corporate executives in general, have realized the importance of knowing how to manage emotions in the company, as much as that of being able to manage the technologies.

Ever since I read Martin Gardiner's book on multiple intelligences, I have been intrigued by the study of how we learn and the different types of intelligence. No one disputes that mathematical/analytical brain-power is a very different type of intelligence from the kind of bodily intelligence that makes someone a graceful gymnast or a super athlete; while there is often some cross-over between the kinds of intelligence that make for good mathematicians and good musicians, the kinds of intelligence that are brought to bear on different parts of our lives get developed in different ways.
One of the more controversial and overlooked types of intelligence is Emotional Intelligence. I do not agree with the idea that one's EQ is in some way opposite from the IQ, the standard intelligence quotient idea (which in and of itself is calculated and reliant on different criteria depending upon the test). I don't believe that Goleman ever makes such a dramatic claim as to show a precise inverse relationship between the EQ and IQ. He does show that there are different kinds of difficulties that can arise, and that a high IQ does not necessarily (or even often) translate into a high EQ.
After a brief introduction exploring the general issues of intelligence and the power of emotions, Goleman
looks at new discoveries in brain anatomy and architecture, particularly as it pertains to what happens when emotions `take over'. The second, and longest, section of the book looks at the nature of Emotional Intelligence. This is being able to understand oneself as well as others, being able to control emotions (or not), and drawing on Aristotle's phrase from the Nicomachean Ethics, being able to have the right degree of emotion at the right time for the right reason for the right duration. Goleman's third section incorporates the general ideas of Emotional Intelligence into the broader context of living, stating that one's emotional intelligence is in fact a more critical factor than pure computational intelligence at being `successful' in many important parts of life - from personal relationships to professional relationships, self-satisfaction and self-growth, emotions often hold sway over traditional `intelligence'. The fourth section examines developmental issues, leading to the final section exploring what happens when such development goes wrong.
Goleman's observation that children seem to be increasingly depressed, despondent, violent and unruly than in the past may or may not be accurate - unfortunately, such comparisons with the past often rely on shaky anecdotal evidence or studies whose parameters are different, and thus whose conclusions cannot be accurately compared. However, it certainly seems that these are true observations. Goleman warns of a coming crisis as unprepared children face an adulthood full of emotional stress and crises for which they have not developed coping skills. Goleman calls for more emphasis on emotional intelligence issues - anger management, conflict resolution, sense of self, etc. for school children to reduce violence and potential for crime.
Overall, this book presents interesting ideas. The idea of Emotional Intelligence is fairly new, and will no doubt be adapted and revised in the coming years. Goleman's task here may be less of a comprehensive overview rather than an introductory shout to the community that needs to address the issue.

This path-breaking book makes clear, on the basis of both traditional psychological studies and neurological research, how important the emotions are and what the role of "emotional intelligence" is. My only issue with the book is that rather than focus on the concept of emotional intelligence, it covers the entire world of psychology: marriage and divorce, crime, depression, anxiety, trauma, you name it. It's more like a guide to disorders and therapies of all sorts than anything else.

The left hemisphere of the brain is used for logical, analytical, rational, and objective reasoning. The right hemisphere is used for intuitive, subjective and holistic thinking. Using only one side of the brain is denying oneself of the full power of the decision making process.

Most people are fully capable of using both parts of their brains to make sound, rational and logical decisions that they feel good about. The left brain, right brain crossover is worth developing.

People who use only use their left brain and work with facts, data and logic without feelings to make decisions are missing the richness of using their emotions. These individuals deny their feelings because they believe that facts, data, and logic always produce better decisions than feelings and emotions.

Feelings are an integral part of the human condition. Accepting and embracing them during decision making ensures that you will feel good about your decision--now, and later.

On the flip side, those who only "feel" their answers miss the importance of backing up those feelings with information and common sense. Learning the facts and data frequently saves a great deal of money, time, and heartache.

It can be scary to learn the facts and data for someone accustomed to basing decisions on feelings. However, moving out of one's comfort zone and using the left side of the brain ensures balanced and sound decisions.

Daniel Goleman's book does an excellent job of teaching Emotional Intelligence and how to tap into self-awareness, self-discipline and empathy. This leads to happier, healthier and are more successful personally and professionally. This is one of the most important keys to unlocking our potential as humans!
The Re-Discovery of Common Sense: A Guide to: The Lost Art of Critical Thinking

Daniel Goleman's book "Emotional Intelligence" shows how the undervaluation of emotion has wreaked pathological havoc on America. Divorce, depression, aggression, chronic anger, violence, ruined careers, and poor health are the evidence. When you think about it, in a "postmodern world" where "reason" seems to be in perpetual danger of drifting into chaos, it seems inevitable that the value of emotion would become a meaningful topic. The truth is, of course, that emotions have always been far more significant and consequential than the high-reasoning side of our culture has been willing to acknowledge. It is a great paradox that generations of suppressed emotions would lead to a backlash of overvaluation of the notion that emotions are something one is not responsible for--that when we're overcome by emotion, nothing can be done about it. Emotional outrage often becomes the basis of successful criminal defense strategies. On the other hand, millions of people do not realize that feelings are to life experience as a wet finger is to wind direction, and that emotion is also a veritable societal barometer. The key to emotional intelligence is equilibrium. In a postmodern world, emotional intelligence is equilibrium. Highly recommended.

Having spent decades trying to better understand, apply, explain, and teach the "soft" skills of personal growth and leadership, I was very excited to come across the groundbreaking Emotional Intelligence research in 1997. Since then, I've been an avid collector of any findings. I continue to marvel at the ways in which it brings rigor, discipline, and empirical research to the fuzzy and subjective topic of personal, team, and organizational leadership. It's a great way to think logically about feelings - to go through the head to get at issues of the heart. The Emotional Intelligence Competency Framework is a strong leadership model that clearly shows what it takes to live and lead highly fulfilling and effective lives.

I've quoted from this other and of Goleman's books in own books on personal growth, leadership development, and organizational culture.

There are three things to clarify for this review:

1) I wanted to read this to gain some perspective on dealing with a boss who I assume has a low emotional intelligence
2) I instantly found what I was looking for
3) I also discovered I already knew the answer

I think #3 indicates why the book exists. Looking through reviews of this book (not just on the store) I see a lot of reviews that indicate readers want to learn how to be more emotionally sensitive. To me, that isn't possible. It is the equivalent of reading books on how to be a genius in order to become a genius.

For those that have an emotional backbone, you'll likely find yourself reading this thinking "Yes! Duh!". At the very least it will reaffirm for you that you are not alone and somebody understands where you are coming from. In the meantime, my boss is still a robot trying to mimic emotion and I am an employee doing my best to not get angry at him for it.

Goleman argues that our society has placed far too much emphasis on measuring intellectual capability and far too little on measuring emotional capability. Emotions often play an equally important, and sometimes greater, role in a person's success.

Emotional intelligence is defined as emotive skills, including self-motivation, empathy and social competence in interpersonal relationships. As one of the first writers to popularize this topic, Goleman opened up a discussion that advances beyond simplistic pop-psychology.

In the end, Goleman offers less in terms of substance and more in terms of still-open questions. However, his core idea is that intelligence alone is a much less important factor of success than intelligence combined with emotional skill. This idea alone is worth the investment to read the book.

I'm a personal life coach and also an EQ coach and have done career counseling in the past. You can't help but notice people with high IQs and excellent educations who just don't seem to be able to make it in the work world, and who aren't really going to subject themselves to traditional analysis or deep exploration of their psychodynamics to explore the reasons why, nor am I equipped to deliver it. Fear of success? Deep-seated authority conflicts? This book gave me something I could really USE. It's written for the public, but we are the public, and those of us who work in the helping professions are working with the public. It generally boils down to the fact that the person simply doesn't know how to get along. They don't read social cues. They can't tell when to talk and when not to. They alienate people and have abrasive personalities. They zig when they should zag. In the dance of interpersonal relationships, they're stepping all over other people's toes. And they keep digging themselves in deeper. I believe the vernacular is that they're "clueless." (If you want to see the sad extreme of this, read about Asperger's Syndrome.) The most important news in the book is that EQ is not fixed at birth, but rather can be developed over the lifespan, and generally does. The author tells you why, and how, and what you can do about it. It's especially important to read this book if you have children and care about their future. Can they save their raisins for Sunday? It will matter later on in life.

Another book I love! Daniel Goleman is a pleasure to read, and gives a very detailed description of Emotional Intelligence and how it's just as important as IQ, and in some cases for happiness in life - much more so. Every chapter was full of new ideas, information backed up by data and enlightening. I totally recommend this awesome book and which I had read it years ago!!

Emotional Intelligence Goleman's book has become one of my bibles when I write for the classroom. Is the mapping of our brain a predestined future or are we a product of our environments: maybe both? When does empathy develop? Is it possible to nurture it back to health after five years old or are you predestined to be a criminal because no one nurtured you as an infant? He breaks his book into five powerful parts: a. the Emotional Brain, b. the Nature of Emotional Intelligence, c. Emotional Intelligence Applied, d. Windows for Opportunity and e. Emotional Literacy. The first two parts and the last parts I found most helpful and knowledgeable for myself: How does the brain work? What piece serves what function? What are the consequences children face in their life because of environmental factors? What are the costs of emotional illiteracy?

I spent years working with at-risk populations. This was one important book for me. If you are in that field, buy it. Its amazing. Together with Howard Gardner they make a great team in your personal library.

I revisited this book in the context of working on productivity & flow. It had been recommended to me many years ago by a friend who reads widely in business books as having both good concepts for life in general and practical takeaways for surviving & thriving in the workplace.

It does have these qualities and is especially helpful for those who have or work with those who have difficulty with social interaction or for whom empathy isn't an instinctive response. However I found myself needing to skim ahead through what felt like somewhat dated material to get to general principles at points.

The second half of the book is not so useful for those without kids or who don't work with kids professionally.

Anyone who is not familiar with the basic tenets of emotional intelligence should read this book. Goleman starts with a general discussion of emotions, and why they are so important in life. He explains where emotions come from, genetically, and how they operate in the brain. Emotions are so vital, Goleman states, because they enable us to place value on choices/objects/people. Without emotions, we would face choice paralysis, unable to proceed with our lives.

He then talks about what emotional intelligence is- and how it can be cultivated.

Emotional intelligence is the ability to listen to and control one's own emotions, as well as the ability to be attuned to the emotions of others. It is not binary; rather, we all have it in varying degrees, with some being highly emotional intelligent, and others less so.

The traits of emotional intelligence include the ability to control one's temper, the ability to motivate oneself, and the ability to pull one's self out of bad moods. Emotional intelligence is also other-focused, and includes the trait of empathy, or the ability to feel the emotions of someone else, and really understand where they are coming from. Empathy is hard, but very powerful and useful.

The important thing to note about emotional intelligence is that it is teachable - it is something that one can get better at through deliberate practice. And Goleman makes a convincing argument that we would all benefit from raising our emotional intelligence quota; in the classroom, the workplace, and at home.

How is this done?

For children, Goleman suggests that we create a program in public schools that expressly teaches the skills of emotional intelligence. For adults, meditation can help cultivate emotional intelligence.

This is not another self-help book; it is the #1 source for information on emotions. It is a timeless classic, and will always be as relevant as the day it was published. Everyone will learn something from reading this book, and most people will be able to apply some of the concepts presented to their own life.

Emotional Intelligence is the study of our ability to control emotion. How does our emotional wiring work in our rain; Are emotions a good indication of the "right" thing to do; Why IQ and emotional intelligence are two essential attributes to have.

Daniel Goleman, shows us through his book, starts by explaining how emotions came about in the human evolution and development. How do emotion helped our species to survive; shows us how our mind works. Throughout the book, actual real-life stories are presented backed with empirical research. In the final part of the book, he goes on to show us how we should lead our child through emotional development and tries to persuade the education society to teach emotions in class.

We have two system of thought, the rational, also known as the conscious mind and the unconscious/emotional mind. We usually are very aware of what our rational mind is thinking and doing but it is the emotional mind that we have not mastered yet, and we are usually not aware of its existence and its control over our conscious mind. When we are extremely upset, the emotional mind will occupy most of our thoughts and we become ruled by feeling, some of the worst irrational outbursts are cause by emotional hijacking.

Sometime after an emotional outburst, we may find that what we did was totally unlike our usual behavior. Emotions were built into our system because our conscious mind operates too slowly to think of a solution. Imagine our ancestor, hearing the steps of the lion approaching, immediately his first reaction would be to run. If the conscious mind were to evaluate the cause of the sound it would be too late to react. Thus emotions serve to protect us.

Emotions, feelings can make us more productive and it is what that makes us human. We need a balance of emotions in our life. Emotions to be sensitive to others, to feel empathy, and enthusiasm to look forward to the future. People, who have too little emotional ability, are seen as cold and lace of social grace. On the other hand, people who have too much of it, might be too sensitive and misjudge other peoples' intention. Sometimes we tend to perceive negatively what others think about us, but turn out to be nothing.

This book is truly an invaluable book for understanding how emotions work in humans, Especially important are the examples given on the do and don'ts of raising a child through the first few years of childhood. I would definitely make this a compulsory book for all mums and dads to be. The topics covered are very exhaustive although some may find the style of writing a bit "dry." The case studies and examples shown in this book are invaluable and interesting. It will definitely open up your mind.

First off, the Audiobook version has a TERRIBLE narrator. He sounds like a robot, like a computer program interpreting the text. Most bad narrators I get used to, but this one just got more and more annoying until I picked up the paperback.

The writing style drags and is not very engaging. I have forced myself to get through it because of all the hype, but I found myself wondering what all the fuss was about afterwards.

If you are looking for a life-changing self improvment book, this isn't it. 95% of it's contents are about how terrible depressed and angry people have it and how emotionally intelligent people are so well off in comparison. If you feel you lack EI, then this is depressing in itself. There is nothing on how to actually improve or attain EI if you are an adult. The advice that is offered is targeted to children only, reforming education mainly. I think most people already know that bullys more often grow up to be criminals, or that depressed people are more prone to illness, or that angry people have less satisfying relationships. If you want to read a bunch of obvious statements like these, followed by studies that support them, then buy this book.

This book discusses the master aptitude of developing attunement with others - which "occurs tacitly, as part of the rhythm of relationship." Here is where empathy is at its peak and when we are "in tune" with others emotions. This is connectivity of the highest order and when the "flow of emotions are not just contained and channeled, but positive, energized, and aligned . . ."

Daniel discusses many ways in which we may grow and expand our awareness so we can live fuller happier lives. When we "know ourselves" we can then move to be inclusive rather than divisive - as many people are - without even recognizing it. Emotional intelligence is as or even more important than IQ - so no matter what we have been told or what we believe about our individual intelligence, we can change our outlook because we are all intelligent - believe it!

I am constantly aware of my emotional reactions to situations so I wanted to find out how I can use new findings to understand the hows and whys of my emotions. This book is wonderful in explaining how to not react first to avoid later conflicts and to understand that emotions are not always realistic.

Daniel Goleman's book "Emotional Intelligence" is the light at the end of the tunnel. Many great works that try to illuminate and tap into our emotional being are shimmering flashlights in the dark tunnel of life.

Most stories have a protagonist and an antagonist. Every individual then is a story and the key players are the amygdala and the neocortex. The amygdala is an egg shaped mystery at the center of our brains, and the neocortex is at the forefront. Just as the core of the Earth is made of molten lava ever ready to burst out, the crust at the top somehow tolerates the emotions of the inner world and somehow moves on.

A purpose of life is to survive and this book is a survival book. Mostly to survive ourselves. As anyone above the age of one probably knows we swim in our own emotions. It is far easier to cope with them if we have a better understanding of how they come about and how they work. You may ask if one would drive a car better if he or she understood its inner workings. Not necessarily. But a car doesn't think for itself, the driver does. And the driver who understands self better may indeed be a better driver. We may see a decrease in road rage, for instance. Hence the strong case this book makes in the importance of adding "Self Science" in school curricula. While math and science is important, can anyone disagree in the importance of being responsible, assertive, popular and outgoing, pro-social and helpful, empathic, etc.? Yet these latter skills are generally left for people to pick up as serendipity in life's path. Some never do.

The chapters of this book is corrugated and folded much like the cortex of a human brain. At its front, chapter one, is a cognitive explanation of an emotional side of the brain and why it matters within the perspective of immediate problems we all share time to time: emotional hijacking -- the moment of battle between emotion and cognition.

On occasion the book delves into the science of emotion in terms of physical facts and observations, and roles chemicals such as hormones and endorphins play in the delicate balance of the human mind amidst the lightning synapses of billions of neurons making the whole greater then the sum of its parts. But most of the book focuses on why understanding our emotions and how we learn to control them is so important. Goleman soon expands his scope to include group emotions, where complexities of social dynamics increase to seemingly insurmountable issues of the world we live in. The global community can do better job cultivating future generations.

Goleman provides ample hope and cautious optimism, as well as know-how, to overcome emotional problems that maybe deeply rooted in our brains that are either experienced in life or imprinted in the genes. If at the core of our brains is our `nature', then the cognitive elements that encapsulate it is what `nurtures' it. Helps shape it and channel its limitless energy into creative productivity, if so willed. To `will' can certainly be made easier if we knew how and why the brain works as we observe it function.

Just the mere act of reading this book is a form of therapy.

This was a well researched book, however it was a disappointing read. As a manager I purchased this book with the expectation of learning about emotional intelligence and using the knowledge from this book to better understand and lead people, but this book fails this criteria.

The book provides a good explanation of emotions and their relationship to our brains, but it fails to tell you how to use this information to achieve anything productive. Instead the author goes on and on telling you how the failure of society to understand people's emotions and educate people about emotional intelligence causes a myriad of problems from uncontrolled aggression, teenage pregnancies, and so forth. The book reads as if the author is endlessly complaining about the lack of emotional intelligence in society, rather than providing recommendations to solve this problem. Because of this I do not recommend this book.

On the surface, the premise is not very profound. It isn't the smartest that succeed best, it's the people that can understand and motivate others that go furthest. It's fine and dandy to say that (maybe risky in an era of technology) but it's another to clearly describe why and what can be done.

In this book, which could be considered a primer on managerial psychology, Goldeman breaks down Emotional Intelligence into it's various components. This topology should create a bunch of "Aha" moments, even if the reader is not left convinced of it's completeness.

The book claims to be storng on measurement, though here is where I disagree. It is possible to look at someone and say, "They have it" but the quantitative aspects of emotional intelligence lag the quantitative. (Similar to measuring analytical intelligence, but the problems are even more acute here)

In summary, it's not perfect, but if it gets you thinking about news ways to measure intelligence, it is a worthy read.

I have read many of Goleman's books on EQ. Each holds some gems inside lots of fluff. Goleman's premise is emotional competencies (listening, empathy, etc.) form a separate category of intelligence. I can agree with that. Unfortunately, this has become a business franchise for him, so I think he takes it too far. He asserts it is THE defining intelligence of star performers. The thesis is easy to swallow at first, as the book is written in the standard business best-seller sensational journalist format.

I would counter with the work of Marcus Buckingham which maintains that each of us has our individual strengths and weakness. When we work to our strengths, we excel. Goleman is trying to fit all the characteristics of star performers into an emotional intelligence frame work. I know plenty of respected star performers whom lack high EQ. The business bookshelfs are full of other counter examples as well.

I would recommend reading Primal Leadership by Goleman over this book. In it Goleman discusses the types of leadership problems I have seen at work over, and over again. In some cases, I have committed them myself. With Primal Leadership you get some EQ self-help.

I came to this book more than 15 years after its first publication, although I remember the splash it made back then. I found it for a big discount when a small religious book store in my town went out of business. I enjoyed reading it, thought a great deal of it made sense, and was ready to post a four-star review. But it is my habit to read a sampling of posted reviews, the most and least favorable, before writing my own, to see if any prior readers had anything interesting to say. I did not expect the controversy I found here. Now I don't know whether to recommend the book to people like me, who were attracted to its chapters on marriage and the workplace as realms in which "emotional intelligence" in Goleman's definition might be more important than book smarts. I found those chapters sensible. However, some of the passionate anti-Goleman reviews also seem credible. So good luck if you are hoping I shed light on whether you should invest time and money in this one.

I read this book because it's one of those you hear a lot about and so you think you'd like to see what all the fuss is. Daniel Goleman explores the differences in how people respond to their emotions: whether they show empathy toward others or hostility; seek others' points of view or talk only about themselves; are outgoing or shy.

He then postulates that the reason some people seem to have more success in life is that they function more highly in these emotional (or as some reviewers have preferred, social) skills. He says that these skills may have even more impact on how successful one is in life than one's IQ.

This is all well and good and seems to make sense. But then the book devolves into reciting results from case studies and larger studies, with a lot of repetition and no real attention to the topic of the chapter. Chapter titles seemed to be there only to let the reader know when it was OK to get a drink of water or turn out the light and go to sleep.

I also had problems with the descriptions of the studies. How were group assignments made? Did subjects choose whether to participate in a remediation program, for example, or were they randomly assigned? The answer could point to bias. What were the sample sizes? Were the differences statistically significant, or just numerically different?

Finally, Goleman seemed to contradict himself at times. For example, at one point he says that SAT scores are highly correlated with IQ. Then he says that students who have high anxiety and cannot soothe themselves (thus signaling a deficit in emotional intelligence) do more poorly on SATs. Well, which is it? Also, he says that SAT scores do not correlate well with success in college, yet some of the same emotional skills that get you higher scores on your SAT should carry over to college, right? When describing a state of flow -- the ability to focus so intensely on a task that you lose track of time and everything else; something he categorizes as a good skill -- he uses as an example young people who immerse themselves in studying music or chess or excelling at a sport. However, some of these poor souls are very socially inept, except for their uncanny ability to focus on improving at their chosen passion. I'm just not sure they should necessarily be held up as paragons of emotional intelligence.

Nonetheless, he brings up an interesting point. We need to pay attention to the instant and emotional responses we have to situations. We need to teach our kids that same self-awareness. And then we need to respond from a place of empathy and kindness, rather than impulse and hostility. I just wish he could have made his point in a more concise and convincing way.

Author Goleman makes clear, in both truth and love logics, how
'training up a child in the {emotionally healty}way' you would
have them grow is all-important for America to understand.
With clarity rarely seen, he builds a justifiable case for values
of both the heart and the head that lead to this important training.

This author, obviously in this book, has both warm compassion and
lock-step logical understandings of WHY we as a nation must invest
is training up our children better. When you combine his insights
with the statistic that ten times as many children now live in
poverty in the United States as did twenty years ago, it becomes
urgent reading. We, as the 'village', must help raise the child!
Rev. Martin Wilson([email protected])

Emotional Intelligence is loosely defined by the author as a set of "abilities such as being able to motivate oneself and persist in the face of frustration; to control impulse and delay gratification; to regulate one's moods and keep distress from swamping the ability to think; to empathize and to hope." Daniel argues that Emotional Intelligence is as important, and at times more important and powerful, than IQ. The good news is that unlike IQ, which many argue is innate and cannot be changed considerably during the course of one's life, emotional competencies and skills can be learned and improved upon through education and experience.

This book is a true journey into the emotions that we experience from both the physiological and psychological perspectives. It is divided into 5 main sections: Part 1 focuses on the physiology of the brain and the associated "emotional architecture". Part 2 presents the concept of emotional intelligence, as defined above. Part 3 shows how this intelligence can be applied in everyday life both personal and professional. Part 4 discusses childhood and it's importance in "setting down the essential emotional habits that will govern our lives." Finally, part 5 shows what awaits those who "fail to master the emotional realm". The author also presents pioneering research and educational methods being implemented to educate children on key emotional and social skills required to succeed in life.

This is a true bible on Emotional Intelligence. The book presents the subject, its importance, its challenges and finally suggestions/recommendations. Daniel was able to present this topic from a scientific, physiological, and psychological angles. His work was based on extensive research and analysis - and applications in a variety of areas and settings. On the critical side, I wished that the section discussing EI and the workplace had been expanded further - as I found the material presented in that section to be extremely interesting.

Below are some excerpts from the book that I found particularly insightful:

1- "The emotions, then, matter for rationality. In the dance of feeling and thought the emotional faculty guides our moment-to-moment decisions, working hand in hand with the rational mind, enabling - or disabling - thought itself. Likewise, the thinking brain plays an executive role in our emotions - execpt in those moments when emotions surge out of control and the emotional brain runs rampant."

2- "Socrates's injunction "Know thyself" speaks to this keystone of emotional intelligence: awareness of one's own feelings as they occur."

3- "When emotions are too muted they create dullness and distance; when out of control, too extreme and persistent, they become pathological, as in immobilizing depression, overwhelming anxiety, raging anger, manic agitation. Indeed, keeping our distressing emotions in check is the key to emotional well-being; extremes - emotions that wax too intensely or for too long - undermine our stability."

4- "To the degree that our emotions get in the way of or enhance our ability to think and plan, to pursue training for a distant goal, to solve problems and the like, they define the limits of our capacity to use our innate mental abilities, and so determine how we do in life. And to the degree to which we are motivated by feelings of enthusiasm and pleasure in what we do - or even by an optimal degree of anxiety - they propel us to accomplishment. It is in this sense that emotional intelligence is a master aptitude, a capacity that profoundly affects all other abilities, either facilitating or interfering with them."

5- "Leadership is not domination, but the art of persuading people to work toward a common goal. An, in terms of managing our own career, there may be nothing more essential than recognizing our deepest feelings about what we do- and what changes might make us more truly satisfied with our work."

6- "In a sense, criticism is one of the most important tasks a manager has. Yet it's also one of the most dreaded and put off. And, like the sarcastic vice president, too many managers have poorly mastered the crucial art of feedback. This deficiency has a great cost: just as the emotional health of a couple depends on how well they air their grievances, so do the effectiveness, satisfaction, and productivity of people at work depend on how they are told about nagging problems. Indeed, how criticisms are given and received goes a long way in determining how satisfied people are with their work, with those they work with, and with those to whom they are responsible."

7- "Harry Levinson, a psychoanalyst turned corporate consultant, gives the following advice on the art of the critique, which is intricately entwined with the art of praise: Be specific...Offer a solution...Be present...Be sensitive."

8- "A child's readiness for school depends on the most basic of all knowledge, how to learn. The report lists the seven key ingredient of this crucial capacity - all related to emotional intelligence: 1. Confidence...2.Curiosity...3.Intentionality...4.Self-control...5.Relatedness...6.Capacity to communicate...7.Cooperativeness."

9-"As behavioral geneticists observe, genes alone do not determine behavior; our environment, especially what we experience and learn as we grow, shapes how a temperamental predisposition expresses itself as life unfolds. Our emotional capacities are not a given; with the right learning, they can be improved. The reasons for this lie in how the human brain matures."

This is an inspirational and informative book on emotional intelligence; on our rational and emotional minds and why it is very important to our careers, our relationships and our destiny.

This insightful book examines emotional intelligence in an easy to follow and understand format which makes the book useful to a wide readership. The book pragmatically examines what emotional intelligence is all about and what it can achieve for individuals and organisations. The author methodically explains how the rational and emotional minds can effectively work productively together. As I go up the corporate ladder, it is critical to know how to manage my emotions so that I can relate better with others.

Dr Goleman is both a good writer and an original thinker. This is not just an academic book but also one that looks at the whole aspect of emotional intelligence to see how it "fits in" with all aspects of life. The book examines all the relevant issues and provides sound, sensible advice succinctly.

The book changed the way I look at life and relate with people. As an engineer, I used to believe in the power of logic and reasoning in all my dealings with people, be it at work, in the home and in relationships. I considered emotions as irrelevant or for those that are intellectually challenged. How wrong was I. Now that I am a bit more enlightened, from lessons learnt in this wonderful book, I am a better self. I realise that emotional issues affect the way people work, their motivation, satisfaction and productivity and affect the quality of relationships among spouses or friends. I am now a much happier and more effective manager and therefore recommend this book strongly to anyone who wants to live a happier and successful life.

The measure of a self-help book is: Does it actually help you in some tangible way. I can only answer for myself. Yes. Emotional Intelligence has helped me step back away from myself and see what areas of my emotional life needed work. It's message is one of realistic hope. Unlike IQ emotional intelligence is not fixed. You can learn ways to become emotionally healthier. The book begins with helping you understand the workings of your mind, and continues on to show you how you can actually change. This may sound corney, but this book had a real positive effect on my life. It made me realize if I'm willing to do a little homework, I can be a happier person. I would have given it 5 stars but there are some chapters I found slow going and not that helpfull. They were more than made up for by the rest of this excellent, truly helpfull work.

In too many conflicts and fights the issue is not what a person said or did, but about how it was said and done. It is clear as daylight that the way we feel about issues and persons bears a direct influence on how we act towards them. This book stress the fact that if we want to live a fruitful life, we shall pay close attention to our feelings as well as to the emotions of others. Only then we will acquire the mastery required to function with ease in society. A person who is understood by others will be trusted by them, and understanding someone is not just an intellectual effort, it is also the capacity to relate oneself to the mental state of that person, i.e. its emotions. Such feast can only be done if we develop our emotional intelligence.
I guess this book will not tell you something you do not know, but it will open your eyes about the fact that your emotions are within your control, and that if you pay attention to them and their underlying forces a new dimension of possibilities appear in your life as well as in the life of those close to you, particularly, your children.

This book gets 4-5 stars for content, but 1-2 stars for readability, so an average of a 3.

Books written by academics who are more interested in impressing their peers than communicating clearly really annoy me. So what would otherwise be a fascinating, engaging topic becomes unnecessarily boring. (But not the worst I've ever read).

So, if you have a low tolerance for complex, unreadable, boring, run-on sentences, a better alternative is his other book, Primal Leadership. With the benefit of two co-authors, it's much tighter and more readable. However, because Primal Leadership is focused on adults, it doesn't include many of the discussions of children and developmental learning -- which was valuable -- but only if you can get through it.

Hopefully he'll come out with a second edition, with the help of a professional writer. Since I'd love to be able to give it 5 stars.

This is rightly considered a classic in the genres of self-help and behavior studies. Goleman's view is broad, considering various interplays between science, emotion and intelligence that cover childhood, the workplace and personal life. There's a significant depth of this work, which examines the emotional and memory structures of the brain before moving on the analysis of relevant studies. Goleman shows clear concern for transforming his reader's perspective on the emotions.

Intelligence Quotient (IQ) is the most frequently used measurement when assessing what it means to be smart. Yet, it is emotions that appear to hold sway. It is emotion that controls the impulses to act. Emotions such as anger, fear, happiness, love, surprise, disgust, and sadness are shaped by both life experience and culture. Emotional Intelligence discusses factors that lead to abilities including self-control, zeal and persistence, and the ability to motivate oneself. The author terms these factors collectively as Emotional Intelligence

Far from philosophical musings, biological studies on brain chemistry and structure affirm the importance of emotions by recognizing the emotional component found in the neocortex, the thinking part of the brain. The amygdala is the cluster of brain that acts as a storehouse of emotional memory, giving personal meaning to life. The interplay between the amygdala and the neocortex is the key to emotional intelligence.

It is also important to note that the amygdala, the seat of emotions, reacts quicker to stimulation than the neocortex, the thinking brain. The memory imprint left due to amygdala arousal has a higher degree of strength. This explains how emotionally-charged memories are the most indelible.

Studies of Harvard graduates have demonstrated that those with the highest IQ scores are not those with the highest level of success. IQ represents a minimal relationship. Rather, it is emotional ability that determines how well skills, including intellect, can be implemented. IQ may test a narrow band of linguistic and math skills and may be an accurate predictor of classroom success but it appears to have less and less validity outside academia. Emotional Intelligence includes knowing one's emotions, managing emotions, motivating oneself, recognizing emotions in others, and handling relationships. Emotional Intelligence and IQ are not in conflict with each other; they measure different dynamics.

Self-awareness is a key to good insight. Emotions that are at below our level of understanding often have powerful impact. For most, extremely intense feelings are rare; most emotions fall in a middle range. Yet, because of the brain chemistry demonstrated above, there is little influence that the thinking part of the brain has over the emotional part of the brain when an individual is flooded with emotion.

Emotional Intelligence doesn't just present theory. Application as to how the dynamic of emotional intelligence is at play in various arenas is a second focus of the text. Development between the sexes in relation to emotional intelligence reveals insights into marital intimacy. The work of John Gottman demonstrates empirically the difference between communication styles and personality differences between husbands and wives. Application turns to advice with recommendations as to calming down in the midst of an emotional interaction. Cognitive therapy can be implemented during such altercations, allowing the partner to replace negative thoughts and redirect the conflict. Active listening strategies can be used to increase the effectiveness of emotional listening.

The applications can further be applied outside the home and in the workplace. Management is about motivation; its about the art of persuading people to work toward a common goal. Emotional Intelligence demonstrates the ineffectiveness of being overcritical and champions the artful critique that motivates employees by tapping into their emotions: be specific; offer a solution; be present; be sensitive. Emotional Intelligence should have increasingly high value in the workplace as it is the harmony of an emotional savvy group that takes advantage of the creativity and talent of all members in their quest to maximize their efficacy and efficiency.

Long before Emotional Intelligence, those who study the connections between pathology and emotions demonstrated the need to treat - and even prevent - physical maladies by addressing psychological needs. Intense emotions can be shown to increase heart rate and blood pressure. Similarly, high levels of stress and anxiety appear to have an effect on the immune system as a whole. As a result, those providers who recognize the importance of emotional intelligence, recognize the need to incorporate strategies such as relaxation techniques and other modes of deescalating internal conflict. Pessimism, depression, isolation, and other unmet emotional needs feed into feelings of uncertainty, fear and catastrophizing. Harnessing emotional intelligence within the medical field involves helping people to better manage their emotions as a form of disease prevention.

Having demonstrated the application of emotional intelligence, the text moves beyond both theory and application and toward how to increase emotional intelligence in individuals and the population at a whole. Emotional Intelligence development begins within the nuclear family. Parenting styles have tremendous influence upon the emotions of children. The emotional ingredients of confidence, curiosity, intentionality, self-control, relatedness, capacity to communicate, and cooperativeness are key as evidenced in the demonstration that students who do poorly in school lack one of these elements of emotional intelligence. Seeing how the brain of a child can be shaped by brutality or love emphasizes the importance for teaching lessons related to emotional intelligence during this window of opportunity.

Emotional Intelligence has implications as to the treatment of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), eating disorders, substance abuse, and temperamental issues such as timidity. Those who do not develop functional levels of emotional intelligence tend to have issues with social problems, anxiety and depression, attention or thinking problems, and delinquent or aggressive behaviors.

The text concludes with examples of how to incorporate activities into school curriculum with the goal of increasing the development of emotional intelligence in children either in a specific course or within other established subjects. The main lesson to be learned by young children is that conflict can't always be avoided but that conflict doesn't always have to turn into resentment or physical violence. Courses in emotional intelligence through a child's educational experience appear to improve their emotional competencies - not just in the school environment, but all aspects of life.

Reflections

Goleman insinuated that Emotional Intelligence would provide detailed information regarding the brain anatomy and how the biological make-up influences the emotional and intellectual interplay with-in the brain. While the second chapter does bring attention to the relationship between the amygdala and the neocortex, I had expected further chapters to elaborate. Immediate reactions to completing the section were to question what other centers of brain activity are involved during these processes.

Often when a text tries to make the transition from theory to self-help book, the advice given appears trite, as I found it here. I appreciated the applications given by Goleman but found the advice for assisting children in developing emotional intelligence a bit superfluous. It came across to me as if Goleman had entered the mode of salesman and was hoping to get local school-districts to pay him a consultant's fee. My reflections here had to deal with concerns surrounding targeting a change in emotional development at school rather than at home. I recognize that for many children school is the main place for instruction but I feel that the emotional intelligence development would be not nearly as ingrained if demonstrated only in the school setting.

The third set of questions that came in response to completing Emotional Intelligence has to do with spiritual implications. Numerous times, Goleman referred to evolutionary development. I am curious to know what implications this text has on organized faiths, particularly evangelical Christianity. I certainly find strong correlations with what Goleman is saying within the inspired Scriptures. While Goleman may have coined the phrase "emotional intelligence," the apostle Paul certainly wrestled with the concept of heart-knowledge trumping head-knowledge in his testimonial of life prior to his conversion found in Romans 7. Were the opportunity to present itself, I would enjoy discussing with Goleman how emotional intelligence fits into a biblical view of self, sin, salvation and sanctification.

The abriged audio tape version of "Emotional Itelligence" conveys highly technical information on the exact topic identified by the title: why emotional itelligence matter more than IQ. The two tape set identifies area after area in your life where emotional intelligence interacts with and occasionally superceeds IQ. This information is interesting, and well supported with cited case studies. The presentation is highly technical, as you might expect from a graduate level course, and mostly lacking the entertainment aspect emphasized by most audio tapes.

The only problem I have with this tape is that it offers no advice whatsoever on how to improve your emotional intelligence. There isn't even any advice on where to go to get such information. Aspects of emotional intelligence are defined, and the impact they have on your life is identified, but nothing more.

In my opinion, which is why this is MY review, this is a very dryly written book but well worth the time and effort spent reading it. If you are an "average" reader like me, set aside a lot of time to digest and truly understand the content as it contains much scientific text and theory. Overall, it is blended with colorful stories and interesting facts that help explain why people have certain temperment, feelings, thoughts, etc. It was instrumental in the changes in my life and how I viewed others.

I downloaded this book and started listening to it, but after about and hour or so, it stopped playing and displayed a message about needing to switch the "Download Quality" to "High" in the settings screen, redownload the audio file. I couldn't ever find the download screen and I am frustrated and would either like my credit back or the problem to be resolved. I haven't ever had a problem like this with any of the books I've downloaded. Please Help!

I suppose I was first interested in this book, which has been around quite some time now, by the often quoted assertion that emotional intelligence - EQ - is now more important to career development and job performance than IQ.

What I found was a good explanation of how humans are affected and sometimes governed by their emotions.

The book is one of an interesting genre - popular social science, a bit like the work of Malcolm Gladwell - and I must admit it had me gripped to start with.

By the end of the book, I was a bit over it, because it tends to look at how EQ can be boosted in kids and obviously being a fully-grown adult I was interested to know how I could boost my own EQ and in doing so boost my chances of early promotion, unfathomed success and early retirement.

The book is pretty good at explaining the process of emotional reactions and I love the phrase "emotional hijacking" - when our emotions take over.

I suppose the real value in this book is understanding as a whole how your brain works and what exactly your emotions are.

If this has contributed anything to my quality of life, it is probably the realisation of how emotions follow patterns and how simple facial gestures, such as rolling your eyes, can trigger an adverse reaction in another person you are arguing with.

These bits of knowledge are useful, but in no way specific to work.

Now, as for the matter of this book helping to advance your career in any way, I am a bit more doubtful.

In essence the book says that employers nowadays evaluate on EQ.

Well, I am sure some of them do, but I think we also have to bear in mind that many workplaces still have sweatshop ethics.

I myself have worked in places where educated, qualified people were encouraged to be aggressive to one another.

Sure, if you are going for a job in a fortune 500 company or going in for Donald Trump's The Apprentice, I am sure your EQ matters alot.

But I am equally sure in alot of workplaces (like those I have mentioned), nice, caring and balanced employees are not welcome because they will be seen as a threat and possibly also too pleasant to do the occasional savaging required of those around or below them.

However, I think this book is overall very interesting and has one or two gems in it that make it worth reading.

This is a classic. He described all the different ways in which human beings express unique aspects of emotional intelligence. He makes a strong case that overall emotional intelligence is more important than IQ regarding reaching overall happiness and success in life. You just have to look all around you in every day life, and observe that what he is saying holds true.
If human beings were solely intellectually intelligent, they would eventually all be replaced by a good computer with a good decision making software package. Watch out the Matrix would take over.
Fortunately, this is not so. Our lives are far more complex, and can't be run by binomial decisions. Everything is associated with judgment calls. It is all shades of gray. In such a domain, emotions, intuition, empathy, sensitivity, and awareness rule. The intellect is just a wonderful tool serving these other masters. The Matrix will never rule.

Belatedly, I would like to add my positive review of this fine work. We are all concerned with behavior and often look only at the outward indicators. In self reflection we often, perhaps mostly, look at our thoughts. Too often we view emotion as a bi-product of our thinking and behavior.

Dr. Goleman in a very readable and thorough way brings emotion out to be on an equal footing with thought. His perspective is insightful and engaging. It is helpful.

This work deserves its continued success as measured by sales. More importantly it succeeds as a wonderful basis for self-knowledge and reflection. I can say that I gained new insights from reading it and I highly recommend it.

I liked the thesis of this book - that EQ is at least as important as IQ (whatever that is, assuming it can be meaningfully measured). Sadly, I didn't like the way Goleman presented his thesis. Like much of popular culture these days it is just short easy-to-assimilate grabs - depth is lacking in the writing. To be convincing - and I wanted to be convinced - I needed more substance and less of the yarns and anecdotes. For example, on page 90 there is a quote from a composer who is not named (although the source of the quote is cited). Because I have an interest in music I did find the name of the composer elsewhere in the book - another citation from the same source -not that I'd actually heard of him, which diminishes the credibility of the quote. I suspected, of course, that the composer was not Beethoven because the author would just have written: 'Beethoven describes ....' To quote an unnamed composer - not to introduce who he is - is just plain sloppy to me. And reduces my satisfaction at what I have read.

Being intelligent and well educated is not enough if you cannot get others to follow or respect you. I have provided this book to all my senior executives for the last 15 years in order to drive the correct culture within the organization. People are the most important asset in the organization and this book makes that point very well.

This is an inspirational and informative book on emotional intelligence; on our rational and emotional minds and why it is very important to our careers, our relationships and our destiny.

This insightful book examines emotional intelligence in an easy to follow and understand format which makes the book useful to a wide readership. The book pragmatically examines what emotional intelligence is all about and what it can achieve for individuals and organisations. The author methodically explains how the rational and emotional minds can effectively work productively together. As I go up the corporate ladder, it is critical to know how to manage my emotions so that I can relate better with others.

Dr Goleman is both a good writer and an original thinker. This is not just an academic book but also one that looks at the whole aspect of emotional intelligence to see how it "fits in" with all aspects of life. The book examines all the relevant issues and provides sound, sensible advice succinctly.

The book changed the way I look at life and relate with people. As an engineer, I used to believe in the power of logic and reasoning in all my dealings with people, be it at work, in the home and in relationships. I considered emotions as irrelevant or for those that are intellectually challenged. How wrong was I. Now that I am a bit more enlightened, from lessons learnt in this wonderful book, I am a better self. I realise that emotional issues affect the way people work, their motivation, satisfaction and productivity and affect the quality of relationships among spouses or friends. I am now a much happier and more effective manager and therefore recommend this book strongly to anyone who wants to live a happier and successful life.

This book reviews how people need to be educated not just
intellectually with facts and figures, but emotionally. People
so often have problems in life solely due to the fact
that they haven't learned to get in touch with their feelings
or their fellow man's feelings. This book emphasizes how
children who are taught to respect other people not based on
the old adage of right and wrong, but of understanding why
it is right and wrong.
Learning compassion is a step to peacemaking. Learning to
control or maintain certain emotions, rather than having them
control you is certainly a great asset in breaking patterns
and repeating mistakes.

The concept of ' Emotional Intelligence ' is at the center of this work. Goleman says that mere I.Q. is not enough to understand the likelihood of someone 's success in the world. He indicates a more important factor what he calls ' emotional intelligence'. By this he means self- awareness, persistence, empathy and the ability to understand and sympathize with the feeling of another. I do not know the social -science research in this area very well. But his concept did seem to confirm something that I had seen in a number of situations i.e. that it is peoples' ability to get along with other people which is a key element in many forms of life and work success. Perhaps I simply but this book makes a good case for this, providing also a large number of examples as confirmation.

Daniel Goleman is to be congratulated for raising the general reader's awareness of the importance that emotions play in our personal and social lives back in 1995. Prior to 1995, I don't know of any book addressed to the layperson that explicated these matters as well as he did with the information he had at his disposal. That said, I had many problems with Goleman's exposition. First, it is not altogether certain nor important, as he insists, that the brain's amygdala is the locus of all emotions, a highly disputatious claim. Secondly, he never quite comes to define what an emotion is other than a "feeling," which is hardly revelatory or insightful. Are they cognitive judgments of value, or are they something the amygdala emotes separate and distinct from ratiocination, or are they the passions separate from ratiocination (which seems to be the case)? By comparison, Martha Nussbaum in "Upheavals of Thought" is far more explicative of what an emotion is, how it develops, and each emotion functions - both healthily and destructively.

He does, however, explain a variety of emotions function and how they help a person either function or dysfunction in both their personal and social domains, and for this alone, the book is helpful. His project is (1) to make the reader self-aware of his emotions; (2) help the reader understand what it means to be engulfed by them; (3) accepting of emotions, especially those that reward the self and others. This strategy is part of his "know thyself"and is fundamental to his project of developing emotional intelligence. He also makes the reader aware that too much attention has been spent on ratiocinative development at the expense of emotional development; whereas they ought to go hand in hand. He cites a number of very good and helpful examples.

Subjects covered (but by no means exhaustive) include impulse control, the cost of misattunement, passionate versus indifference, empathy, represssion, and other emotional factors that either facilitate or debilitate the individual in leading healthy lives. In many instances, he shows the reader why one emotions can be destructive, while another instance on how "reprogramming" the mind can make the emotions beneficial rather than destructive. Given that other books on the market are either more exhaustive and/or more directly helpful, I can't recommend this book other than for its perusal value. For someone who wants a detailed analysis of the emotions, I recommend Nussbaum's tome (supra.); for someone who wants to get control over their emotions, I recommend Elliot Cohen's "What Would Aristotle Do?"

I was recommended this book when I mentioned some very "normal" office behavior. The first few chapters lays a nice foundation on emotional intelligence and where it stems from. I found the later chapters very useful. However, I was not looking for as much depth-this felt more like a text book for a beginner psychologist.Else I would have rated it anywhere between 3 and 4.

This book did explain a lot of nuances I notice in day to day life, stress at work, family interactions and relationship, and yes explains even behavioral patterns in babies- and why baby boys are baby boys and gals..gals.!

Nice read, would recommend this book, but not if you are looking for a light introduction to EQ.

I was the typical all (almost always) A+ grade-getting student, and I thought this would guarantee a successful life... but it wasn't...
once in college, and 5 yrs after, when I saw my classmates (who usually would not get better than B or C's at school) were getting married and started having happy family life, and when i saw myself still majoring a 2nd and even a 3rd studies (and even oversees)... i realized that it was not all about IQ....
so 11yrs after i graduated high school, i run into this great book, I had wished I had read it 15 (or 20) yrs ago~!
I guess that the whole world education system has to switch to this new way of seeing human intelligence... and life...

I agree with Daniel Goleman in his assessment that Emotional Intelligence plays a far greater role in determining success than does IQ. This book really touches on what it takes to be successful in a work environment. I would recommend all CEO's, executives and especially human resource professionals read Working with Emotional Intelligence. It will assist in confirming that all companies need to develop behavioral, or in this case, Emotional Intelligence models of successful workers in all positions. My company uses a tool, Zero Risk Hiring System, to measure emotional intelligence to define success profiles and to hire people who possess these thinking skill sets. I can't say enough how this book will lead you to rethinking your personnel management paradigms.

One of the things the author points out in this book is the importance that hopefullness and a positve outlook play in the success or failure of living. What he fails to do is provide a real sense of either by falling into the trap of overestimating the importance that genetics and early childhood experiences have on ones emotional makeup. Granted, he does point out that those of us who may have been born with less than optimal temperment further [messed] up by poor parenting and childhood trauma, can relearn or overcome these hindereances (although there doesn't really seem to be much written on how to) he goes on to offer study after study of how you either have it or don't by the age of 4! Overall, it had some very interesting tidbits in it, like how monkey's behave and show empathy for fellow creatures, and how good parenting skills can help children have better emotional skills (as if any intelligent person hasn't figured that out yet!) but there isn't much here on how to cultivate good emotional health and heal from emotional damage. Perhaps that wasn't really the focus of this book, but rather it was to point out the importance of emotional intelligence, leaving the opportunity to write another book, on how to cultivate it.

Daniel Goleman is, of course, the man who popularized emotional intelligence. His book is an excellent blend of science, anecdotal and real-life examples as well as some suggestions for improvement. However, this book is written as an introduction of the topic of emotional intelligence, it is NOT a how-to and it is not a solution to all our life's problems.
The book focuses on building emotional intelligence in children, especially school age. This makes it an ideal read for parents and educators who deal with children between the ages of 3 and 10. In fact, I would say it is VITAL reading for parents since it will probably save the parents, and the children of course, years of agony and heartache.
The Book is very well written but don't expect it to solve all your emotional intelligence problems. If you want a more practical and useful guide, read Goleman's 'Working with Emotional Intelligence.'

Daniel Goleman's writing is concise, highly readable, and interesting. The first couple of chapters deal with the science behind emotions and the brain, then the rest of them analyze the role of emotions in many different aspects of life (at work, in a developing child, in health, and in disorders and diseases) This book puts some scientific logic and reasoning, and links to research, behind the "common sense" idea that it takes more than smarts to make it in this world...success is not suppressing emotions, but being able to handle them when they surface. Everyone can stand to benefit from a better understanding of their emotions. This is not a "self-help" book, in my opinion, but a thorough examination of the physiological origins and effects of emotions--expressed in a simple and direct manner. Daniel highlights the effects of anger, depression and anxiety in adults and children. Daniel pulls out the relevant points and parts of today's research and binds them cohesively into a fascinating exploration of how the leading indicator of success is often the amount of rational control one has over their emotions. The nice thing about the book is it deftly avoids getting bogged down in the research detail and statistics. All in all, learning the importance of emotions in life is a journey we all make sooner or later, but never will you have the opportunity to have it so clearly presented and explained.

This book is fairly easy to read and interesting after you get past the first 1/4 to 1/3 of it. That is a pleasant surprise because I think it could be used as a text book with the level of information contained inside. The content is essential to anyone who wants to understand the dynamics of human emotional and social responses. I would (and have) recommend this book to anyone I know (or don't know). I think that the book as a whole can help parents understand how to teach their children to deal with the ups and downs of life. There is a chapter dedicated to children, but I think most of the other chapters apply also. If you are considering this book at all, then buy it or borrow it.

In this book the author manages to shine some light on an interesting topic which, unfortunately, is not getting enough attention especially in schools and universities. The best thing about the book is that every claim the author makes is backed up with a scientific experiment or a practical example from the real world. The bottom line is that if you have enough experience and knowledge, you may get the job, but in order to advance, or even keep your job, you should have emotional intelligence. Some of the things in the book are common sense, but the author shows us how much they really affect our performance.

Emotional Intelligence is not a new concept. There are over 100 books published on the topic. I've read this book amongst others, and found it at times to make assumptions and occasionally sweeping generalizations, but, considered it to be fairly concise in its overall observation.

Emotional Intelligence deals with the underlying intuitiveness we have in varying degrees to empathize for another person, or, for lack of a better descriptive, putting yourself in someone else' shoes to understand their particular circumstance, and to make an emotionally intelligent choice accordingly. None of these concepts are new. They have existed in different cultures around the world for centuries. What is disturbing, is just how many people have missed this very point - that the emotionally intelligent already know. How to get along in a society that reveres Narcissism over Compassion. Emotional intelligence as the antidote for that.

Don't be dissuaded by the overly negative or by the glowing reviews here. You will have to read more than just this book to come to a conclusion on the subject yourself.

Finally, someone who brings the pieces together and is able to precisely define the causes of many peoples ailments, including mine. Because of this work I am hopeful to research deeper into the current research being done by leading-edge professionals. Please have someone contact me on any information leading me to professionals currently working on this subject. I'm looking for feedback as I venture on to my road to understanding and recovery back to total health. Thank you, Mark Sanders P.S. I am willing to travel wherever, in order to find someone who is currently doing "hands-on" research on this subject.

Wow, let's hear it for an intense look into the emotional planes we travel. Goleman has done a remarkable job of pulling together all sorts of life factors and situations -- from marriage, medicine, nursery school and just "being" (how "happy" or "depressed" or "sad" are we?) -- and examining the emotional "irrational" realities occuring or interwoven within our assorted experiences. Incredible back-up materials at the end, too, in numerous appendixes. You could go back and read this book again, and again, and again. . .it's so rich with so much to give.

Anyone over the age of thirty soon comes to realize that what was taught in school is not necessarily all there is to know in life. Consequently, the smartest people, the ones who always got A's in school, don't always end up being the most successful. Ultimately, a high IQ is not the most important factor when one encounters the real world. In this respect, Goleman has hit upon a concept which deserves much more attention.
The brain is a mysterious entity. No one knows exactly how it works. Certain things are known however. The brain is divided into certain sections, each controlling various aspects of behavior. On the other hand, it is a single entity. Intelligence, or what we call IQ is only a small aspect of the total human being.
Emotions have long been labeled as inferior to intelligence. Over the past 2,000 years, a cultivated person has been defined as one who is logical, rational and thoughtful. Goleman dispels this notion however and insists that to a large extent, emotional intelligence determines how successful we become as human beings. Feelings, inner motivations and personal relationships are more important than the ability to spell or recite poetry.
This fact has major implications, especially for our educational system. Of course, the three R's are important, but the ability to deal with individuals and groups is just as important. We worry about intellectual illiteracy but don't pay much heed to emotional illiteracy. Schools can only do so much, however. In the end, it boils down to the family, and with the family in such disarray, one wonders if this, in itself, is not the underlying problem.
Emotional Intelligence is a monumental work.

This book is very useful for parents who want to help boost their child's intelligence that goes beyond their actual IQ. There is a great section for teachers as well. I recommend anyone who want to really navigate life, find more joy and overcome emotional struggles read Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself from Negative Emotions and Transform Your Lifeby Judith Orloff. She provides real skills for releasing negative emotions and dealing with emotional vampires once and for all. This is a book everyone should read, especially parents!

If physiology bores you, specifically, explanations about how the different parts of the brain work and send signals to the body, then it may be a difficult to read this book. But if you get through it (or skim over it), you'll get a comprehensive explanation of why people act the way they do -- at home, at work, and in school -- in response to the physiological systems that were designed for an earlier time in the history of humankind. Shows how decisions and plans are not made based solely on logical consequences, but often based on people's past, vague memories, and strong feelings.

Practical applications: understand the indvidual human basis of office politics, the challenges of managing and leading a team. And of course, learn more about to live in a family. Also talks about educational solutions to train children and adults to interact better and more peacefully.

Daniel Goleman has produced, to my mind, the single most important book on emotional development and personal growth in the past three decades. The book stands out not only for the clarity of content, but for the contribution it makes to understanding why it is that we feel sudden emotion without any idea of where it came from and how we can help children develop into healthier, happier adults.
It is the only book I've recommended to my peers, my students and my patients. I have, in fact, made it MUST READING for my doctoral psychology students.
Dr. Patricia A. Farrell