How to Set Healthy Boundaries Every Day - Where to Draw the Line

We all have challenges dealing with boundaries, and often have boundaries that are excellent in some areas, weak in others. I might be great at setting boundaries with my friends, yet struggle to do it with my boss or lover. This book delineates the difference between defense and a boundary, and best of all, gives practical scenarios and examples of what bad boundaries, look like in action, and how an unhappy situation might play out if good boundaries were used instead.

I only had a few quibbles with this book, and for a book published 15 years ago, it is remarkably broad, and still easy to read. 1) While the bulk of the book does not take an overly religious slant, by the dedication and the contents of the chapter on Spiritual Boundaries, it is evident that the author holds belief in a singular, male deity referred to as God or The Lord, and seems to presume that so does everyone else, which may be triggering or non-applicable to some readers. 2) I also felt that parental boundary violations could have been emphasized more strongly, the so-called "helicopter parents" who do everything for their children even after they reach the legal age of adulthood. 3) And while clutter was briefly touched upon, the boundary violation that is the mental illness of hoarding, could also have used some expansion.

But at least I now know how to turn down Aunt Mabel's candied sweet potatoes, in a loving yet firm way. And I love the early emphasis on time boundaries, on not squandering our time by giving it away to anyone who asks for it.

This book is an excellent resource and I highly recommend it for everyone.

This is a very comprehensive book on setting and keeping healthy boundaries and handling boundary infringements successfully. There are many real life examples and conversations used to show how the boundaries are trespassed, and a retake on them to demonstrate how the issue could and should have been handled.

There are many practical items of advice that you can take and apply to your life to keep and restore your boundaries. You will find yourself (or people you relate to) reflected in many of the behaviours described in the book, too.

The first 11 chapters are the ones with more detailed information and more insight on boundaries. I especially liked the chapter about anger management and friends. The second part of the book focus more on daily life aspects of human relationships, and, except for some chapters (like sexual, Internet, therapist boundaries), I would consider most of the issues discussed there an etiquette or tact issue more than a proper boundary issue.

The book is very easy to read, easy to understand, very didactic, and very well structured, and you can make it a manual to check different issues at different times.

The main downside of the book is the fact that trifle matters like vacations or gifts are discussed with family rape and domestic violence. Those things should never be put together. Never ever. The same applies to the gender issues discussed here. I agree with all it is said about gender, but a book on boundaries is not, from my point of view, the place to discuss gender bias.

I quickly became bored with the book and found it irritating to finish. The author bounces around topics, gets into complaining about our nation being too lenient with sex offenders and other random opinions. I gained all of the useful information early on in the book and suffered through the rest. I felt the author could've narrowed the topic and elaborated on some of the more relevant points and the book would've been better.

In terms of stories and anecdotes on how others have handled this issue it is nice, it reads more like the Chicken Soup for the Soul series and is encouraging. This is not a how to book, although on the cover it states "How to set Health Boundaries Every Day". I was disappointed as I was expecting a more practical guide offering hints on strategies or suggestions for how to create healthy boundaires.

This is a quick but impressive read. It identifies everyday situations which can be uncomfortable and invasive. More importantly it explains why it is invasive in plain language. It provides scenarios and small quizzes providing for new learning.

I found most of the book valuable but tired quickly of the religious preaching towards the end. Also, near the end the examples seemed to be thin, as if they were created in order to fill up pages.

All-in-all I thought it was helpful.

Excellent consumer friendly information. I had to do some tweaking to make it applicable to the class I was teaching, but it is a good resource for people who are not sophisticated in understanding the concepts of boundaries.

When it says to give rides to aquantices and neighbors, I disagree because I had my share of abusive disrespectful neighbors who were either freeloaders or abusive violent people. I had a neighbor that wanted to kick my door down. I had other neighbors that would not leave me alone watching me day and night. I had neighbors who everytime I cook would want to eat my food even though I did not invite them over.
THIS IS CALLED APARTMENT LIFE

Perhaps the stupidest, most inane book I ever read. The author skips around and fills the book with anecdotal examples of folks drawing boundaries- sort of.
no insight, no guidance - really extremely boring and stupid.

Another great installment from this author. It wasn't as world changing as Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin but still a decent & informative read. There were a few topics I wish she had delved a little deeper into.

It wasn't until Anne Katherine brought her personal faith into the book, that I felt she lost some of her objectivity. It became a mini-sermon talking from a perspective of faith completely missing how God violates our boundaries.

She claims God gave us free will & he never forces us to do as he wants us to but he kinda does. If you don't follow his ways, if you don't totally commit your life to him, if you don't repent of any wrong doing, if you continue to blatantly oppose him, in the end you're going to hell. That sounds more like manipulation & a violation of my boundaries.

As an example, she presented this quote: "My religion is the only true religion." Then she said "the Lord's boundary is being violated." I don't entirely follow. Practically every faith believes it is the one true religion due to their doctrine or holy book. Unless she believes that God can be approached from any religion. In any case, IMO if someone said that statement to me & I don't hold the same belief system, then they are violating my boundary.

Later, when she talked about parents either violating boundaries by intruding/enmeshing or by distance/neglect with their children, she talked about what parents need to do for their children so they don't have certain issues as adults. But she said nothing about being one of those grown children & how to deal with healing, setting boundaries, etc.

Anne Katherine covers a wide breadth of boundary violations. I'm just left with more questions & wanting more info. Maybe that means she's done her job; I've had a healthy introduction now it's time to dig deeper.

Posted originally on GoodReads in fall/winter 2011.

I found this a surprisingly good book, sensitively written, extremely readable, and full of relevant, useful, actionable material.

For me, it's worth the price just for the elegant distinction the author draws between "boundaries" and "defenses."

If you think you just might need this book, you surely will learn something from it. And to repeat myself, it is very well written - a much more enjoyable read than most choices in the self-help genre.

This book helped me to not only identify healthy boundaries it also offered sound advice on how to set boundaries. Plenty of examples regarding everyday situations offer a pratical solution to sticky situations or otherwise uncomfortable communications.

I found this book an excellent for anyone working on co-dependency and boundary issues. It give a good guideline for putting boundaries to work for you on a daily basis. Easy to understand. Good reading.

Certainly helped me establish boundaries in new relationships. Also helped me learn not to help a person destroy my boundaries out of an attempt to be nice. There is no fighting hate with love in this book. Very useful.

I was very excited at the prospect of learning more about setting boundaries. However,this book was so low level and inane that I ended up just throwing the book into the trash. If anything, this book should have been titled "Intro to Boundaries if you have never heard of boundary setting."

This helped me understand my issues with being a people-pleaser and wanting to avoid conflict. It helped put into perspective how I interact with family and coworkers when I am unhappy. It was a quick and relatively easy read.

Given how some reviews were critical, I expected an oversimplified book for self help beginners which I am NOT. I think this is a fantastic book and highly recommend it. The book was recommended by the author of , ' The Wizard of Oz and other Narcissists' and that is why I purchased it. I'm so glad that I did.