Build Networking Skills -- and Leave a Positive Impression!

If small talk is daunting for you, then this book will equip you to win! I loved the practical scenarios that I feel prepared for. I learned how to start a conversation, ease into one, keep it going and get out! The lists make it super easy to skim, but you won't want to miss the awesome content. It was a super easy read that enriched my small talk toolbox. The bonus is that you will get better at both speaking and listening from reading this. Check it out!

Do you spend an abnormal amount of time hiding out in the bathroom or hanging out at the buffet table at social gatherings? Does the thought of striking up a conversation with a stranger make your stomach do flip-flops? Do you sit nervously through job interviews waiting for the other person to speak? Are you a "Nervous Ned or Nellie" when it comes to networking? With practical advice and conversation "cheat sheets," The Fine Art of Small Talk reveals techniques and strategies to feel more comfortable in any type of social situation, from lunch with the boss to an association event to a singles party where you don't know a soul. Small talk can be a powerful conversation tool if you know how to use it correctly. This audiobook set will help you meet people easily; introduce yourself naturally, allow you to gracefully shift from one topic to another. It provides a light "appetizer" to business conversations and helps you get and keep people involved in what you are saying.

Do you spend an abnormal amount of time hiding out in the bathroom or hanging out at the buffet table at social gatherings? Does the thought of striking up a conversation with a stranger make your stomach do flip-flops? Do you sit nervously through job interviews waiting for the other person to speak? Are you a "Nervous Ned or Nellie" when it comes to networking? With practical advice and conversation "cheat sheets," The Fine Art of Small Talk reveals techniques and strategies to feel more comfortable in any type of social situation, from lunch with the boss to an association event to a singles party where you don't know a soul. Small talk can be a powerful conversation tool if you know how to use it correctly. This audiobook set will help you meet people easily; introduce yourself naturally, allow you to gracefully shift from one topic to another. It provides a light "appetizer" to business conversations and helps you get and keep people involved in what you are saying.

This is a taped about 100 minutes seminar. It starts with introduction about " fear of public specking", and the benefits of small talk. The main content of the seminar is about icebreaker, talking to acquaint, skills in conversations and body languages. It ends with conversational killers.
I felt that the content could be delivered in about half the time, as most things are rather obvious. Yes there are many useful and helpful advices, especially with open-ended questions, and rephrasing few "daily questions" but their delivery on the audiotapes takes rather a long time. I agree with others to be careful not to be transformed to a nagging conversational, and not to ask annoying questions.
Overall it is an average taped seminar.

I borrowed this book from the library; I loved it so much, I needed to own it! It's helped me connect to people. I'm an ISFJ and I struggle to come up with conversation. This book helped with that! Highly recommend!!

The "icebreakers" proposed by the author, supposedly to be the jewel of this book, involve so many personal questions. I am afraid that that will do more harm than good to people whose targets are conservatives. Furthermore, the author had wasted too much time to elaborate the importance of small talk. I think the potential readers know that well or they wont pick this book up at all. Even worse, the writing is real boring. In short, not recommended. For those who want to read something to reduce their fear in public gatherings or to improve their social skills, "How to Have Confidence and Power in Dealing With People by Les Giblin", "How to win friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie", "How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships by Leil Lowndes" are much better alternatives.

A lovely book about improving your conversation skills and connections with others. Useful for both introverts and extroverts! Insightful tips for more comfortable and enjoyable conversations whether you are confidant or shy.

It's miserable being shy, but even average people feel overwhelmed at times by a gathering of strangers. This book takes the mystery out of initiating conversations. Developing the skills to start a conversation and to keep it going are life enhancing abilities.
I used to think my mother knew everyone in their small town. Now I realize that she didn't, but had the ability to talk with anyone as though they were an old friend. Learning to take an interest in others, makes you interesting to them.
I wish I'd discovered this book early in my career, so I could have used the techniques to network and to "leave a positive impression." Better late, than never.

This book gives fabulous, easy to use advice and when I used it was able to improve my dating life. Yeah, some of the advice may be common sense to some people, but who doesn't need a reminder now and then? And who was it that said common advice isn't so common?? I am a better host, have an easier time making new friends, and am more comfortable with myself in general. I give this book as a gift often. I have had the pleasure of hiring Debra to give her seminar to the people I work with. This book is well written and fun to read. This is a guaranteed way to improve your social skills for a lifetime!!

The key points of this book would fit nicely into about 15-20 of it's small printed pages... I can summarize the content in this review. First the author gives her history... Next, she explains to not be shy and to approach people in conversation and people standing alone.... She stresses that you must really strive to take an interest and care for the people you are talking with. She tells you to only ask engaging questions (e.g. What have you done today? Instead of How was your day?) She devotes a few pages to body language and tells you to take note to always remember the other persons name and.... then she explains how to gracefully exit a conversation by leading out with "I have to go...". While I don't find myself in disagreement with Ms. Fine on any of her advice, I did feel about 75% of the book is common knowledge.... I read the entire book in a 2 hour period and because I felt like I didn't learn much I don't recommend it without picking up a copy and skimming through it.

I found myself walking around day to day saying, "folks just aren't friendly"... my neighbors, church members, parents at my child's school, folks I see every day/week at the grocery store and believe it or not relatives. I think Debra Fine has hit on some of the key reasons that I was not finding folks to be "friendly". Some of the reasons being: we are socialized to be wary of strangers, we think too many questions makes us nosy, introducing ourselves and others is not easy always, initiating, carrying on and ending a conversation is a challenge and lastly, finding similarities and interest in our conversation partners is hard at times.

Ms. Fine advised that no one can wait to be introduced or expect someone else to initiate the conversation and she is right. When I used the suggestions it made a world of difference in the contacts and connections that I began to make. I used the suggestions in professional and personal settings, with women and men and with folks my age and teens.

What I relay to folks when I use these techniques is "I care about you" and "I am interested in you as a person". The feedback I have recieved from people is that I make them feel good, in a world that is too busy I take time. That is really the bottom line about this book, why would I not use the suggestions when the potential is to evoke that kind of feeling from folks that you interact with everyday of your life.

Lastly, I have used this book in many ways. I have passed the book to my husband who works in a technical field is reading the book and has begun using some of the suggestions at his workplace and finding them to be applicable. As a homeschooling parent I used the book as part of a communciations curriculum for my 16-year-old son. Many of the stategies he used to get a job and now to maintain his employment; he has been told he is a wonderful conversationalist.

This book offers solid advice for communicating in general, not just when making small talk. But most of it is restating common sense basics for conversations, like smiling, shaking hands and making eye contact. She touches on asking open-ended questions to invite more conversation (as opposed to questions that can be answered in single word responses). She talks about they types of people who can be conversation killers and how to handle them in a polite manner so that the conversation doesn't come to a grinding halt. And she addresses those awkward pregnant pauses in conversation. The final topic of interest to me was how to gracefully exit conversations. My take home message from this book was that the burden of conversation is on me and it is my responsibility to actively listen, remember people's names, and come prepared with questions appropriate to the event.

This book does not challenge those of us without "moxie" to somehow develop it. Nor does the book insist that introverts somehow change their personality. Instead, this book provides conversational tools and techniques that one can
implement at a party, networking event or even during a job interview. I would recommend it highly for anyone who is sick of hearing that there is something wrong with them for being shy. The author acknowledges her struggle with shyness and provides skills for conversational comfort in almost any situation.

I am a typical college professor---easy to speak at length (and ad nauseum) about information that is my specialty. However, students find that they learn better when they are comfortable with the professor herself--hence, the value of small talk! I learned from this book the importance of not being an FBI agent, and how NOT to make people uncomfortable! I also learned key niceties such as the importance of eye contact and a smile, even if the student was just given bad news about her grade.
I also appreciated the text because I interact mostly with people who are not professors--it is important that I interact with them on the level of "small talk" so that they do not feel intimidated because I have a doctorate. After all, my knowledge is limited only to my field--it is very easy, though, for people to be put off by professional titles. One way to avoid this rut is through the beauty of small talk.

The Fine Art of Small Talk clearly and concisely offers conversation tools and mingling tips. Whether learning how to effectively break the ice in awkward situations or exit any conversation with ease, you will find it all in this engaging book. It is the perfect resource for business networking and social engagement. SLH

Facilitated in a seminar setting, you listen and feel as though you are participating with the group. The conversation skills taught in this tape are well presented and Deborah is extremely motiviating. I am using her suggestions in practice and find that I am becoming more outgoing already as a result. You will truly see a positive difference in how people relate to you when you take the burden off of them and start the conversation yourself.

When deciding whether or not to buy this book, you are obviously reading the reviews (otherwise you wouldn't be reading this. ;) ). Please think about the type of book this is as you read the reviews. This is a book designed for people who are more comfortable dealing with machines, numbers, logic, animals, etc., then they are with people. The author freely admits that she was an engineer and wrote this book to help other engineers and technical people. It is a beginner's book on how to interact with people. If you are married, for example, you probably don't need this book. You were able to talk to someone. I suspect the people who found it boring or uninformative were too advanced. Like a brain surgeon reading a high school biology book. But, if you're extremely shy and get really nervous when interacting with people, you must own this book.

This book truly changed my life. It contains tools that actually turned social contact from a dread to a delight for me. Thanks to the tools offered in this book, I am no longer clueless at conversations. I used to believe that good communication skills are inherited not learned, and I surely didn't have them. But practicing the skills taught in this book has actually turned me into a confident small talker. The book has fundamentally changed my viewpoint about social contact. I look forward to parties and social events now and get great feedback too. The book simply and clearly delivers what the author claims in the title. I recommend it to everyone: people who shy away from social events as well as natural smooth talkers.

Ms. Fine's tape provides basic guidelines on how to start and maintain a conversation. However, Ms. Fine is providing hints on small talk, not integral calculus. While the tape is relatively easy to follow, the subject matter is not particularly high level, in spite of the difficulty casual conversations often present to many intelligent people.
Keep in mind that while the tape does provide helpful advice it is not a silver bullet for shy or uninterested people. For the shy, you still have to approach people and take the risk that, inspite of Ms. Fine's avice, you may be rejected. For the uninterested, you will need a class on acting- being able to engage another in conversation requires you to be truly interested in what one has to say. Only the most shallow will not be able to see through the manipulative veneer of those simply going through the motions of asking open ended questions.

I periodically teach a course for newly-hired and largely inexperienced application software consultants, "Soft Skills." This book with its imparted wisdoms from a person who climbed the ladder so to speak and its practical, checklist approach is one of the best I have read. I recommend it to my classes.
It is probably worthwhile for persons interested in effective human-to-human communication to also consider that knowledge of non-verbal communication and an ability to handle contentious issues are also key elements. Adding these to this fine book would make it less accessible so I recommend that persons who seek competence in this area explore these other topics as well.

The begining of the book was useful. It talked about the little things that you can do to leave positive impressions on people. After that it got too much into business scenarios, I was looking for a book more on general conversation.
But if you're looking for a book to tell you what you can do at a business gathering, this should help you out.

As an attorney and business woman I found this book a tool that helped me profit. Conversational skills were not something I was born with yet seem to be a necessary skill for those who seek success in this competitive marketplace. This book gave me the tools I need to go to networking events and association meetings and make the most of these opportunities.
The author gives the reader icebreakers, exit lines and everything in between. It's a must have for any business person who understands the importance of building relationships as the foundation for building business. It's also a perfect gift for any professional not born with the "gift of gab."

Debra,

Thank you for writing your book, "The Fine Art of Small Talk: How to Start a Conversation, Keep It Going, Build Networking Skills---and Leave a Positive Impression!". I have attended any number of courses on networking, and have read a number of books on this topic. Your book is the only one that doesn't make the assumption that making small talk to network effectively is easy. You provide specific information and techiques for how to engage people.

Your little book is a gem. I have read it twice and will be referring to it before any networking event. Even though, I believe, I am reasonable good at engaging people in conversations, I have found that already your ideas and techniques have made me more effective at small talk.

Your book has affected me positively. Thank you again.

Useful, practical, *memorable* advice on what to say, when to say it, how to say it, and to whom to say it. This is not a book on tape. This is a taped seminar. (I liked the seminar format.)
Sample tip: An easy way to ask open-ended questions is to start them with "Tell me about..." Simple, eh? But if you've ever struggled to come up with questions that have more than "yes" or "no" or "fine" or "OK" as an answer...
The seminar leader is entertaining and occasionally loud but never boring. I found this tape far more useful and enjoyable than the Susan RoAne tape I bought on the same subject.

As an attorney and business woman I found this book a tool that helped me profit. Conversational skills were not something I was born with yet seem to be a necessary skill for those who seek success in this competitive marketplace. This book gave me the tools I need to go to networking events and association meetings and make the most of these opportunities.
The author gives the reader icebreakers, exit lines and everything in between. It's a must have for any business person who understands the importance of building relationships as the foundation for building business. It's also a perfect gift for any professional not born with the "gift of gab."

Debra,

Thank you for writing your book, "The Fine Art of Small Talk: How to Start a Conversation, Keep It Going, Build Networking Skills---and Leave a Positive Impression!". I have attended any number of courses on networking, and have read a number of books on this topic. Your book is the only one that doesn't make the assumption that making small talk to network effectively is easy. You provide specific information and techiques for how to engage people.

Your little book is a gem. I have read it twice and will be referring to it before any networking event. Even though, I believe, I am reasonable good at engaging people in conversations, I have found that already your ideas and techniques have made me more effective at small talk.

Your book has affected me positively. Thank you again.

Useful, practical, *memorable* advice on what to say, when to say it, how to say it, and to whom to say it. This is not a book on tape. This is a taped seminar. (I liked the seminar format.)
Sample tip: An easy way to ask open-ended questions is to start them with "Tell me about..." Simple, eh? But if you've ever struggled to come up with questions that have more than "yes" or "no" or "fine" or "OK" as an answer...
The seminar leader is entertaining and occasionally loud but never boring. I found this tape far more useful and enjoyable than the Susan RoAne tape I bought on the same subject.

Ms. Fine offered lots if concrete examples of what small talk is, how to use it and how it has helped her and her students. One question she could have addressed was whether using small talk is manipulative - getting people comfortable to get what you want.

I consider my self pretty well read in this genre of self-help books. The first thing I would share with anyone reading this review is that the advice offered in this book is pretty obvious and sometimes just plain bizarre. I know this has been shared in other reviews of this book, but after reading some other "independent" reviews of this book I felt compelled to tell you the honest truth about this book. The lines offered in this book on initiating conversation with strangers in social settings made me and my sister laugh while reading them. They are both awkward and bizarre at the same time. If you're looking for a good book on sharpening your social skills keep moving cause this is not the one.

Upon finishing this book I couldn't resist being disappointed at what the book had just delivered. It's possible that it was I who had unreasonably high expectations of what the book should've taught me, but I doubt it.
The author, Mrs. Debra Fine, is supposedly a super conversationalist (she calls herself that!) who promises to teach you how to become a super conversationalist yourself. She claims that she was one of those boring engineering specialists who aren't capable of talking about anything that they haven't been trained on in school or college. She used to be shy, afraid, and hesitant during conventions and hospitality receptions. So how did she change?
In the beginning she tells you that there are many old tapes playing in your head that you should get rid of, which include the popular sayings "Don't talk to strangers" and "Silence is gold." Instead, she provides you with new tapes to play that encourage talking to strangers and taking initiative in conversations.
After that she talks about the benefits of getting over your shyness and hesitation and talking to strangers without fear. Afterwards, she provides you with tips and guidelines on what to say and what not to say during small talk conversations. Things not to say such as those questions that will result in a dead-end answer (i.e. How was your weekend, how's the family doing... etc.) and things to say such as proper self-introduction. Then she carries on by providing tips about proper and improper body language gestures during small talks. And finally, she tells us about some conversation killers that we should avoid at all costs.
So you're wondering by now, all of the above seems to be quite interesting. What made me not enjoy the book and learn valuable skills from it? My answer is that I didn't like the book for two reasons.
The first reason is that even though I might not be a "super conversationalist" but I can tell when I'm given bad advice! Why bad advice, you wonder? Well, what Mrs. Fine keeps telling you on and on is to approach strangers with questions that will make them talk, not questions that will make then answer! She keeps going on and on about how to ask the proper questions and how to acquire "free' information about the person you're talking to so that you'll be able to ask even more questions! She also advises you that you shouldn't be just a silent listener, because you should be an active listener. Thus, participate in the discussion by asking questions such as "How did that affect you" or "what did you learn from all that."
Notice anything wrong so far?
She wants you to be one of those annoying people you meet at parties who keep on asking you questions and questions and questions and questions until you feel that you want to pull your arm until your rip it off just to have something to throw at them! You walk into a person's office and you notice a framed university degree hanged on the wall. Wow... free information... let's harass this guy! What did you like about the university? What are the advantages of living in that town? What did you learn in that major? How did this career affect your personal life? ...etc.
Yet what puzzled me the most was that she herself, Mrs. Debra Fine the first, gives you a totally contradicting advice telling you to avoid being an FBI agent! She warns you against harassing people with questions. And I was like, but... what about what you've been telling me for over an hour now? What should I do with all the questioning techniques you just taught me? I guess, nothing...
The second reason I didn't like the book is that whatever good advices remain after you filter the book are pretty much obvious to the average reader. Always keep an eye contact but don't just stare and try to nod and show interest. Don't initiate a conversation you're not sincerely interested in because it will show on you. Always seek the opportunity to converse with strangers because you never know what tremendous effect they might have on your life. And so on.
The only good outcome possible of this book is for really shy readers who need some motivation to get out of their shells and approach people. For that purpose I recommend buying the audio tape because Mrs. Fine is a good speaker and her style is exciting and moving. But please, while doing so be careful so that you don't transform from a shy person into a nagging annoying person!

I saw this author on Today/Good Morning America. She was promoting her new book, that came out in December. Maybe I shouldn't review this book, since I haven't actually read it, but her advice on television was ridiculous!!!!!! She was talking about striking up conversations with people at Christmas parties. I would feel like an idiot bringing up the topics of conversation she suggested. I hate being mean, but I just don't get how this lady is a best seller of books on improving social skills! The only book I've read on the subject is 92 little tricks for big success in relationships (I think that's the name) By Leil Lowndes (something like that) Her suggestions have helped me a lot!!!!

For a long time I have observed body language and realize I am drawn more to some people because they have a way about them which makes me feel comfortable. Our words do not always say what we are feeling - our body language always does. Knowing which words to say on the other hand can help us to enjoy a conversation more and keep it flowing along. Small talk has helped me to realize what to say and what not to say. I am not perfect and I still wish I could remember 5 people's names in a row when introduced to them at a party. People who expect you to remember all those names need: "How to Deal with Difficult People." You will also love "Stress Management for Professionals." These three should give you all the basics for interacting on the planet.

~The Rebecca Review

So many books have been written about the "art of conversation," or "small talk," and so many people feel almost completely inadequate about the whole problem of trying to make conversation, that I felt compelled to offer my take on the subject.
I have never had a problem talking to people - in fact, I have always heard, all my life, that I am very outgoing and friendly.
But I have also felt completely stymied, on occasion - especially when meeting someone new - with not being able to think of anything to say, and it becomes very uncomfortable to be in that situation. That this could ever happen to someone who virtually never has any problem with talking to people was puzzling, to say the least.
Our immediate reaction whenever this happens is to think that we, ourselves, have some sort of problem. We invariably equate our not being able to think of something to say, as our being shy.
One particular incident was so troubling to me, I attempted to analyze exactly what happened, and figure out what may have caused it.
But it was very instructive to me when that happened. I learned from that episode that actions from one person trigger counter-actions from another, and they are an automatic reaction.
This was a classic case of cause-and-effect, and I will never forget the impact this episode had on me.
It taught me something that I had never had occasion to even think about before.
Being at a loss for words is something that many people have experienced at one time or another. However, I am here to tell you: Cheer up! It's almost surely not your fault, at all!
One thing to always keep in mind: Conversation is a two-way street. It is not possible to talk to yourself.
Well, it actually is, but you will definitely get some strange looks if you do.
But the point is that it takes two... just like the song says, "It Takes Two To Tango."
However, there is another angle to the problem of having conversation with people you don't know, which is completely out of our hands:
There is a very serious mental health issue which afflicts over 17 million American adults, called "Social Anxiety," or "Social Phobia."
We encounter the victims of this insidious condition all the time, but do not realize it when it happens. It's something most people have never even heard of, and know absolutely nothing about.
This condition renders its victims unable to conduct what we would regard as "normal" conversation, in that they can't express themselves fluently, and can only speak in short sentences of just a few words. But they otherwise outwardly appear to be perfectly normal.
The problem arises when we attempt to interact with them, inasmuch as we have no idea that we're trying to talk to someone who almost literally can't speak. Their distress is usually pretty apparent right away. Instead of an immediate response, you often receive a lengthy pause, followed by an answer of three or four words, at most. And that answer will frequently consist of yes, no, or I don't know, but never with a descriptive sentence.
But having asked them a question, we can't just abruptly turn and walk away - although we (both) would be much further ahead to do exactly that. It becomes extremely awkward, because the more questions you ask, in an effort to help them to try to communicate, the less able they are to answer you.
There is no way to predict when you will run into someone with this condition, and in fact, they seem to gravitate to places that one would expect them to avoid - where people are gathered to mix and mingle, and who certainly expect to be able to talk to each other.
It's only when we make an attempt to engage someone with this condition in actual conversation, that we discover that there is a problem.
Sometimes, when attempting to talk to someone we may have just met, we find that we can't think of anything to say. Very often, this has nothing whatsoever to do with your inability to think of something interesting to say, but everything to do with the fact that you are trying to talk to a person who cannot or will not talk.
This occurs more frequently than we could even suspect.
Usually, it happens after we have made an opening comment that was met with stone silence, and we aren't even exactly sure what we said.
When we speak to someone, to be met with silence is such a rude, insulting act, that it assaults the senses, and makes it impossible to think of anything appropriate to say.
Of course, this only has to happen to you once, and you feel totally rejected. You immediately become convinced that you have just "laid an egg," or said something that they have deemed offensive, and so you clamp your mouth shut, and think of yourself as being incurably shy.
Except you're not shy at all. You'd know it for sure, if you really were.
If you have no trouble talking to friends or family, you probably don't have a problem at all, even though you might think you do.
You think the problem is that you are unable to talk to strangers, and this, to you, is proof positive.
But if you were afflicted with Social Anxiety, you definitely would know it. You would not be asking anybody any questions, about anything, and you certainly would not be buying books that professed to cure your "shyness" out in the public arena.
But there has to be a reason that this happened to you at this particular time and place... and there is.
You have encountered someone who has Social Anxiety, and you have asked them a question.
Think about it: Usually, when we experience what we think of as an "awkward moment of silence," it is right after we have said something to someone we don't know, and they do not immediately respond. A strange silence permeates the air, and we feel as though we could sink into our shoes.
We feel sure we have said something terrible, even though we have no idea what it might have been - but the cold silence we are receiving is devastating.
In the space of just a few seconds, a "cat and mouse" game is being played out. Normally, the person asking the question controls the direction of the conversation, but just as soon as the person being asked the question responds with silence, that control is wrenched away from the person asking the question, and he is put on the defensive.
If you examine what has just happened, it is that you have said something that normally would have elicited a response. You expected a response, and yet no response has been forthcoming - only dead silence.
This is completely jolting, and catches you totally flat-footed!
But this didn't happen because you may have said something that was embarrassing, or out of line.
It happened because the person you were addressing was not capable of responding to your question or comment.
Don't you get it? You spoke to him, expecting a reply, but you might as well have been speaking a foreign language, because all you got from him was a hard glare, and total silence.
He can't function. He can't respond to your comment or question, no matter what it is.
He's not being rude - although that's the impression you get - he just can't do any better.
To answer your comment or question would have required him to have come up with a stream-of-consciousness reply, explaining his opinion and the reasoning behind his answers, but his mental condition will not permit him to do so.
And so he says nothing. Hence, the "awkward silence."
And you are left "twisting in the wind," or hung out to dry, feeling as though you have dropped the ball, and blown a social encounter, and failed to keep the conversation going. And it's all your fault.
But it's not your fault at all. In fact, you are the true victim here.
Actually, though, you are not really a victim, since you do not have a mental issue. You are merely the unfortunate recipient of circumstance.
The biggest, and most important lesson to learn from all of this, is simply to not be shocked or surprised. Even though most of us definitely are surprised when this sort of thing happens, the main thing is just to be aware that this condition exists in the world, and we could very well find ourselves confronted with this scenario at some time in the future, and to not let it confound us, and make us doubt ourselves.
The point is that the problems that other people endure are also projected upon us, insofar as we are continually interacting with other people every day, and have to suffer through any problems that might entail.
This is not to diminish the very real problem that many people have about making small talk at social gatherings. It is not easy, for a lot of people. Much of it is due to a lack of self-confidence, which can't be cured with a few well-practiced sentences, or lines from a book.
Confidence only comes with experience. Sometimes, being out in the social jungle is like a soldier negotiating a mine field: There is disaster almost anywhere you step.
But even beyond the normal travails that present themselves at social gatherings, in trying to mix and mingle, we find that very often we are attempting to have a conversation, and trying to put our most charming foot forward, with someone who has no ability to reciprocate.
Meaning that they can't speak, almost at all, beyond a three or four word sentence.
And even that won't necessarily relate to whatever you may have just said.
The net result of this is that we come away confused, and at a complete loss to understand, and think of it as somehow being all our own fault.
What is so devastating to our ego is that we interpret their actions as rejection. But it is actually an inability on their part to engage in reciprocal conversation, due to an unfortunate mental block.
What it all boils down to is that we can very easily be blind-sided into assuming that someone who appears to be completely normal actually is normal, and capable of interacting normally in social events.
But we often find that the book's cover does not accurately reflect the book's content.
To actually witness something as profoundly troubling as this is, and to realize that this person has no chance whatsoever, to simply experience the joy of having one-on-one conversation, such as most of us take for granted every day of our life, is tragic. They are relegated to virtual silence - although they may very well talk with family or friends who are aware of their condition.
It can't be stated emphatically enough that your own mental health is precious, and needs to be safeguarded at all times, to the best of your ability.
It is very difficult to imagine the harm to our psyche that can be caused by a seemingly innocent social contact.
The big thing to remember is that all of this disruption was created, almost always, by one individual. If we can get over the idea that we have some sort of problem, and realize that one person caused all the confusion, and that we have virtually no trouble getting along with the vast majority of other people we come in contact with, we will feel very comfortable in our own skin, and have perfectly good relationships with almost everybody we meet.
But what is so astonishing about this is that they often appear for all the world to be a completely normal person, even someone with above-average intelligence.
This can only serve to further complicate our sometimes already shaky faith in our own social abilities, which is extremely unfortunate, since it is all so unnecessary.
Actually, every conversation boils down to simply asking a question, and answering a question.
It's not rocket science. People have been doing it for thousands of years. If you can't ask someone a question, and be able to count on them answering your question to your satisfaction, then there is definitely a problem, but the problem is not with you.
One word of caution: If you should happen to find yourself involved in a social organization where you encounter frequent and multiple examples of what I have just described, you must realize that you are outnumbered, and you are in jeopardy of harm to your own sanity.
This is not an exaggeration. Whether you remain involved is your decision, but I can tell you, it's not worth it.

This really helped me up my basic social skills for feeling comfortable for example going to game nights at people's homes where I don't know anyone. It also helped me explain why small talk is important to those who say "I don't like small talk."