Dealing with People You Can’t Stand - Revised and Expanded Third Edition

If you're looking for a similar book that's better written, look up Coping with Difficult People by Robert Bramson. It's older, so it doesn't have the modern applications like this book has, but Bramson's book is more plainly written. Easier to understand and provides direction in how to handle the situations you're presented with.

A lot of good reviews for the book, and I find the contents are helpful. But I made a horrible mistake and bought the audio version.

The authors skimped on the production and instead of getting an actor, they decided to present the book themselves. They have a tag-team approach which they're obviously having fun with, but as they're flipping back and forth word by word and finishing each other's sentences, it is incredibly distracting. One of the authors has a great impersonation of a weasely person you can't stand. Unfortunately, that's his real voice and the nasal delivery completely discredits the content of his words.

I can say the book is OK, but don't buy the audio version!

I bought this book and enjoyed reading it very much. The information is well put and easy to grasp. The tips on dealing with people seem to work.

The problem that I have with this book is that it is almost a copy of a book written in 1981, thirteen years before this one was, by Dr. Robert M. Bramson. There is extra material and information in this latter book, but the similarities are so great that they are impossible to overlook. The personalities of the people are labeled similarly at times -- the Sniper, for example -- and sometimes differently -- Tanks vs Shermans -- but the bottom lines with dealing with them are very often the same. The Complainer from Bramson and the Whiner from this book are also the same, and the coping techniques are very similar to the dealing techniques.

I have the 1994 edition of this book, and nowhere is Bramson listed. If one is to search Google books, Bramson is listed in this book in the 2002 edition, though, on page XVII, in a list of about six or seven people who were added in the acknowledgments page that shows up in the 1994 edition on page XV, sans Bramson. It is as if someone either said something to them, or they thought after the fact to add Dr. Bramson's name.

Both Brinkman and Kirschner have doctorates, and this means that they wrote dozens and dozens of papers during the gross amount of years that they attended school. This means that they have vast experience with citation, references, and avoiding plagiarism. To think that they would initially omit such a deep source for this book after having such experience writing papers with Chicago, APA, and MLA format is simply not acceptable. It is even more offensive when one considers how very similar these two works are.

This read like a mathematical book attempting to put people into various boxes and categories. I got so disgusted with it that I only made it through the second chapter. I have read many of these books and this one did nothing to distinguish itself.

While I judge the title to be a bit dramatic the information in this book has had a profound, dramatic effect on my life. I have approached the subject matter from the perspective that I'm in control of my relationships, and I can choose my own reactions to someone else's behavior. My own pettiness, as well other poeple's, was dictating some of my behavior, my attitudes, and some decisions too (sometimes badly). Yes, I see myself in some of those 10 personality traits described in the book. I wanted to be free of that nonsense, as well learn ways to have a good relationship with most anyone. This book's value to me has been to help me rise above the daily situations I encounter by helping me see human personality in a structured way. So that I can deliberately behave, react, and interact with people in positive, productive ways. I've been able to find peace with personalities that I've despised. I've found helpful information on how to get along with people who I hadn't a clue otherwise. If you're curious about finding solutions to working with, living with or next door to, or just finding peaceful ways to be around difficult people I recommend this book. I thought so much of this book I sent a copy of this book to a peer. This isn't about short term solutions to heated situations (customer service). This is about building trust and solid foundations with people with whom you have a longer term relationship (longer than 3 to 10 minutes) of some nature. Best wishes.

This is an excellent, well-written, humorous and very practical book on dealing with difficult personalities. It is a quick read, but it is packed with useful information for dealing with different personality types at their worst.

In this book, the authors identify ten basic personalities that fall at different points between two dimensions: aggression-passivity and whether they are primarily task-oriented or people-oriented. It is a very simple model, but it is powerful and works well in a business environment.

There are many good stories, cartoons and boxes with summaries of how to handle various types of people in difficult situations. I have field-tested the ideas and they are sound and work well in practice.

Having insight into your own style is also worth being aware of. You will no doubt see yourself in these pages and more than likely will laugh out loud. More importantly, you will also raise your awareness so that you will have more choice in difficult situations.

This book should be on all managers shelves. It is a useful tool for deciphering the behavior of people much different from yourself.

You know these people from the office: the dominating Tank, the undermining Sniper, the explosive Grenade and the smarmy Know-It-All. For your sake, here's hoping you only have one or two of them running around your cubicle farm. Unfortunately, the work world is fraught with complainers, cheats, toadies and downers. To avoid becoming a downer yourself, you need coping strategies. Authors Dr. Rick Brinkman and Dr. Rick Kirschner describe 10 difficult, if slightly contrived, personalities and provide communications techniques for dealing with them. This is not a textbook, being slim on attributions and facts. It is, rather, a feel-good handbook of simple suggestions for using tactics and popular psychology to deal with someone you'd actually rather strangle. Given that choice, conversation is a better strategy. We hope it works for you, and suggests this light but well-intentioned book to human resources professionals, managers with problem employees and you, if you're feeling particularly homicidal about that knuckle-cracking, gum-popping slacker in the next cubby.

To begin with, the authors are Naturopaths. Naturopathy is a type of healing for the body that avoids surgery and prescription drugs, using instead natural remedies.

Effectively interacting with others is in the domain of psychology. I could find no reviews or endorsement of the book by psychologists.

Notably, this book extensively "borrows" concepts that had been published well before this book, in the book, "Coping with Difficult People: The Proven-Effective Battle Plan That Has Helped Millions Deal with the Troublemakers in Their Lives at Home and at Work" by Robert Bramson. Bramson is a psychologist and his work reflects 14 years of research. The customary references and credits are not given, but the further concern is that the concepts of Dr. Bramson have been distorted.

Here is a list of the similarities of this book with the former:

Bramson book (1981)
1-Sherman Tanks
2-Snipers
3-Exploders
4-Know-it-all
5-Super-agreeable
6-Indecisive
7-Silent Unresponsive
8-Negativist
9-Complainer

Kirschner and Brinkman book (1994)
1-Tanks
2-Snipers
3-Grenades
4-Know-it all
5-Yes person
6-Maybe person
7-Nothing person
8-No person
9-Whiner

Following are some specifics of the advice given in this book. The list could be much longer, but these will serve as illustration:

1) The 10 Most Unwanted List:

This is the backbone of the book. This would be The Tank, Sniper, Grenade, Know-It-All, Think-They-Know-It-All, Yes Person, Maybe Person, No Person, Nothing Person, and Whiner. Added to that is another scale, the "need to get it done" "need to get it right" and so on.

Human beings are not so one-dimensional as to fit into such simplistic categories. However, Bramson did set up this system to show "some common patterns in the behavior of difficult people which can be identified and described (and) which description helps set the stage for taking effective action" (Bramson 1981), and do not refer to any actual persons.

That having been said, the book begins with a study of the "Tank":

"Martin suddenly felt like he was staring at the business end of a loaded cannon, as his new boss, in no uncertain terms, informed Martin that there was no room for goof offs and slackers in his outfit. Eyes bulging, voice blustering, Joe Sherman warned Martin not to even think about wasting time on this job, because there were plenty of people desperate for work... It wasn't that his new boss had anything personal against Martin. Rather, in classic Tank fashion, Sherman's aggressive verbal attack was motivated by an intense need to get things done."

Leaving aside for the moment whether in this day and age any supervisor speaks in such a manner to any employee on any job, the book is determining that Sherman's motive is an intense need to get things done. In fact, Sherman could have been motivated by two dozen or more other things. We are not able to read the minds of other people. (Burns 1980) Unless we are psychologists, our task is not to play diagnostician, nor guess at motivations, but to learn proven methods of interacting with people. A reader who takes away the idea that he or she now knows how to psychoanalyze people "belonging to the category Tank" or that such analysis is necessary, is being underserved. If they actually repeat such a notion to the "Tank" person, it may not facilitate communication.

2) Control, dominate, battle:

The vocabulary persons use reflects their manner of thinking. In this book, in the first 32 pages alone, these words and phrases are used, which, unfortunately, do not reflect the art of getting along with people:

aggression
aggressive
assault
attacks
battle
belligerence
blame
bullies
cannon
conflict
confrontation
contradiction
control
crosshairs
defeat
diabolical
domination
dominating
escalate
explosion
fists
grenade
hell
humiliation
intimidate
ranting
raving
rubble
sarcasm
scorn
shot
sniper
threat
threatened
thwarted
upper hand
pushing you around
ripping you apart
running over you

This is not the vocabulary of dealing with reasonable people, even ones you "can't stand." In fact, unless you are dealing with a bully, this kind of thinking is apt to generate ineffective communication.

3) Blend and Redirect:

"Mimic the person's facial expressions and body posture/gestures, talk at the same volume level and speed. If she smiles, you smile; if she leans forward you do the same; if she scratches her head, you may suddenly get an itch. Match the volume of their voice and speed they talk. All this tells the person, 'I'm not the enemy!'"

"Take charge and redirect them."

Assuming you are not the parent or supervisor of the other person, please put yourself in the place of the other person and ask yourself how much you would care to be mimicked, taken charge of and redirected. Well, that will illustrate how the other person is likely going to feel. Use care in how you employ this.

4) Look and sound like you understand:

"Be sure not to change their words into your words, because that would be evidence that you didn't understand."

"While it is virtually impossible to reason with an emotional person, it is possible to look and sound like you understand...you can surface hidden agendas and reveal lies without being adversarial."

Surface hidden agendas and reveal lies? What if there are none? Emotional person? When you are emotional, often it seems the other person is being over-emotional, and that may not be true. Too many assumptions can get you in trouble. And it is not always "virtually impossible to reason with an emotional person," in fact, very often, reason, in the form of calmness and listening to the person, is often the only method that will work.

5) Direct attention where you want it to go:

"Telling people why you are telling them something before you actually tell them is a simple method for directing attention where you want it to go."

Is it the business of one adult to direct the attention of another adult?

6) Identify highly valued criteria:

Valued by whom?

Used in this book: "Any time you identify criteria in a discussion, you generate more flexibility and cooperation." Really?

Simply tell your manager about the goals you have identified, and generate their flexibility and cooperation. Thus, on pages 70-71, we have an employee late with his project dealing with his upset manager; the advice for the employee:

"Hold your ground; interrupt; backtrack; aim for the bottom line and fire: the boss demands to know why isn't that project finished, it's a month behind? Your advised reply: Boss, I understand you think the project ought to be finished already. From my point of view, the time I'm investing in it now will save time and money in the future."

Now that you've advised your manager about the criteria you value highly and taken charge and redirected them, you just might have plenty of time to wonder why his or her attention did not go where you wanted it to go.

7) Teach them better behavior for their own good:

"To create self-motivation for change you have to show them how something important to them is lost because of their behavior."

Is the something you are showing them really something that is important to them, or is it something that is important just to you?

8) Make specific suggestions as to what they can do differently:

Are you giving the other person advice which they have asked you for or which they have not asked you for?

9) Allow them to continue behaviors:

Allow them?

Summary: This is a pop-psychology book heavily borrowed from a genuine psychology book and skewed. It focuses on the workplace. It may offer some limited help in a few situations. Because it works by attempting to control, the techniques would best be advised when you are up against folks who are trying to bully or control you.

It would be good to read some books which explore dealing with others from various angles, and which are written by credentialed psychologists. There are too many to list, but a few off hand are:

1) Messages: The Communication Skills Book - McKay, Davis and Fanning

2) Working Anger: Preventing & Resolving Conflict on the Job - Potter-Efron

3) How to Deal with Annoying People - Phillips and Alyn

4) Toxic Coworkers: How to Deal with Dysfunctional People on the Job - Cavaiola

5) How to Solve Your People Problems - Godwin

6) Coping with Difficult People: The Proven-Effective Battle Plan That Has Helped Millions Deal with the Troublemakers in Their Lives at Home and at Work - Bramson.

7) Last but not least, more generally on the importance of this topic: Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ - Goleman

This book provides lots of useful advice for corporate communication that can be applied to personal lives as well. In particular, The Lens of Understanding is a highly valuable way to figure out people's motivations.

Instead of getting annoyed or perplexed by seemingly illogical behaviors, the authors suggest that we try to appreciate the intent of the irritating person: Are they seeking approval, attention, control, or perfection? I have found this system to be quite useful in everyday interactions.

The style of "Dealing With People You Can't Stand" is highly readable. Although the table of contents is illustrated and detailed, an index would have made the book even more accessible for researching and re-reading.

Leslie Halpern, author of Reel Romance: The Lovers' Guide to the 100 Best Date Movies and Dreams on Film: The Cinematic Struggle Between Art and Science.

It was a very stressful time in my life. I was dealing with hopeless beauracracies on the phone, a new boss that seemed to have just gotten out of the military and an ex-husband that, surprise, surprise, was still doing the same, make me crazy, behaviors 10 years into the divorce as when I was married to him. I didn't like the way these people were acting, but even more I didn't like the way I was behaving around them. I was getting so frustrated on the phone, I was either to mad to be effective or I would hang up in frustration. I didn't even know how to deal with a boss who micromanaged when I wasn't even used to having a manager at all. As for the ex-husband, well, I was the one left completely frustrated by my encounters, I'm sure he never gave them another thought.

This book shows you the 10 types of people you can't stand. It shows you the 4 things that motivates each of them and it shows you how to handle them and you. It is not some easy you fix them book. It is definitely you who has to change and sometimes you will have to gag as you say certain things or choke on the words you are holding back. But, it will work and has worked for me. By showing you what motivates people, it shows you how to solve your problems with them. It shows how to deal with them in person or on the phone. It also shows you what may be the most shocking to you and that's what to do when you behave like one of the 10 people you can't stand. Thereby, helping you to understand what motivates you to act a certain way at times and then helping you see a better way to handle those situations. I found that most people are more than just 1 type of person. It's very eye-opening and it not only helped me deal with frustrating phone calls, confusing bosses, the same-o, same-o ex-husband, but was also extremely helpful in dealing with the behaviors you can't stand in your children and other relatives.

It has made all the difference in how I interact with people. I am no longer the one that is frustrated. feeling hopeless, seething with anger or, more importantly, not solving my problems. Additionally, I work in a call center and the book had the added benefit of giving me better skills at handling people that are upset when they call in and I, though very sympathetic, am not able to offer them the solution to their problems that they want. When you have those frustrated callers that you would like to help and you know that normally you may have left them feeling like you didn't care, they give you skills to make the person calling in feel like you really do care and that you are listening and doing what you can to help.

If you are willing to be the one to change, you will actually be able to handle all the people you can't stand after reading this book. Very few books are life changing, but I can't tell you how thankful I am that this is one of them.

The title called out to me to read it as we have all been in "those" situations. With a breezy style, light touch and excellent examples the authors do a good job on the subject. I appreciated that they identify the "types', give good examples of the type in action and then how to recognize, react and get the best out of them. I was at a public meeting recently and when faced with one "type", I employed a tactic from the book. Imagine my surprise at how well it worked. If you manage or work with others I think you will find this a good resource.

As the authors say, "Difficult people are a part of very person's life." They further point out that at times each of us are difficult people to someone else. For the most part we are all ill equipped to deal with difficult people. Most people could use some advice and guidance in 1) how to deal with difficult people and 2) how not to be a difficult person. "Dealing with People You Can't Stand" provides a wealth of advice and guidance we all can use in our business and personal lives.

Before jumping into specific tips and techniques for dealing with difficult people, the authors give a framework for understanding the various behaviors of people. They illustrate this by drawing an X and a Y axis and saying that people generally fall somewhere along the continuum of "get it done/get it right" on one axis and "get along/get approval" on the other.

Part 2 of the book deals with how to improve your communication skills. This section deals with resolving conflict, listening skills, speaking to be understood and how to change your attitude. So much of good communication depends on your attitude. Too often we fail to communicate our intentions and unfortunately the person we are communicating with often assumes/guesses incorrectly.

Once you have a clear understanding of the motives behind the different types of behavior, you can then understand and appreciate how the authors classify the different types of difficult people. They are: The Tank, Sniper, Know-it-all, Grenade, Think-they-know-it-all, Martyr, Maybe person, Yes person, Nothing person, No person, Whiner, Judge and the Meddler.

There is a chapter dealing with each type of difficult person. The authors go into great detail explaining how and why each type acts the way they do. The also give very specific tips for dealing with and defusing difficult people. The final chapter in this section turns the mirror so that we take a good look at our own actions when we are the difficult person. At the end of each chapter is a mini-case study titled "Great Moments in Difficult People History."

Part 4 of the book deals with communication in the digital age. This is a short but very valuable addition. So much of our communication now occurs digitally. We often fail to realize that without the visual and voice tone, volume, etc. we lose so much that is communicated in face to face or by telephone. There is some excellent advice here.

This book is well written and very easy to read. From time to time the authors show a bit of humor which lightens things up a bit. The book is fairly long and contains a lot of information. You should not expect to read through this book and be an immediate expert on dealing with difficult people. I think it will take time and practice to put these teachings to work.

I think this is a great book to keep handy, refer to from time to time. If you are dealing with a specific problem person, you can refresh your memory by reading that particular chapter.

Should be on everyone's desk as a handy reference guide.

This book teaches how to build healthy, sane and functional relationships. Simple descriptions and diagrams help one learn and gain insight and understanding of one's own and others behavior, and offer ways to effectively and assertively communicate with kindness and sincerity.

If you're a manager and have to deal with the day to day complaints and conflicts of a workplace, this is the best book I've read about it, without question.
I'm a leadership consultant and my firm spends a lot of time mediating conflicts and facilitating meetings where I have to get people on the same page. I have formal training in negotation, and mediation, and all that other more formal stuff. And a lot of it works. But the question I get asked over and over again is "what do I do when the conflict doesn't justify outside assistance? What about the DAY TO DAY conflicts - one of my people refuses to bend her schedule, another won't come in on time, another won't try to work with a sister department, my boss won't give me the resources I need." Well, this is that book. It lays out a simple concept of conflict (other people see things differently from you and therefore act differently), and then does something that SO FEW of the other books do: it tells you exactly what to say and how to say it. I have had my fill of books which tell me to "be nice" or "work towards a compromise". My response is, I know that, but how do I DO that? How do I keep the other person from popping off at me? THIS BOOK does that. It's simple - exactly right for line managers with DAY to DAY conflicts.

Everyone encounters difficult people: Angry, bossy, demanding, abusive, controlling, rude, lying, tactless, intolerant, emotional or the opposite - insensitive, demeaning and disrespectful, or even cruel. And undoubtedly, we become difficult when pressed beyond our coping capacities. Who hasn't become irritable or short-tempered at some point in their lives? Frequently, when we are faced with our difficult person, we become difficult in return. Sometimes we retreat and nurse our private wounds, struggling to understand what just happened. Or we become inflamed and primed for battle.

Brinkman and Kirschner present a "Lens for Understanding" difficult people in their book, Dealing With People You Can't Stand (McGraw-Hill, 2002) [...]. People become difficult, say the authors, when certain core intentions get frustrated. There are four specific intentions most of us share or experience at various times - two task-oriented and two people-oriented:

1. get it done
2. get it done right
3. get along with others
4. get appreciated by others

They also note that there is a spectrum of behavior, from "Passive" to "Aggressive" (with Assertive being the ideal norm). When out of balance, these intentions become problem behaviors: controlling, perfectionistic, approval-seeking, and attention-seeking, respectively. We can probably recognize these problem behaviors within ourselves at some point in time. Their "character types" (tank, sniper, grenade, know-it-all, think-they-know-it-all, nothing/no/maybe-persons, and whiners) are illustrative, and largely self-explanatory. Less helpful and rather long-winded are their proposed remedies. As with any self-help book, there are pearls of wisdom padded with generous amounts of well-meaning blather. A more focused and faster-reading alternative is Dealing with Difficult People: Handle Aggression; Manage Conflict; Motivate Poor Performers (Sunday Times Creating Success) which also borrows from Bramson's popular book Coping with Difficult People: The Proven-Effective Battle Plan That Has Helped Millions Deal with the Troublemakers in Their Lives at Home and at Work

I read this book as part of a college course on professional communication and I can honestly say it's helped me to deal with my coworkers much better. The authors divide the book into sections dealing with one of ten possible behaviors that represent people at their worst. Their advice is sound and is often accompanied by real life anecdotes from those who field-tested this advice. I would easily recommend it to anyone, especially those in management positions or in human resources.

More than any other book, this book has empowered me to understand and work effectively with people of all different personal behavioral/communication styles. Based on the DISC (though the authors change the names of the four poles slightly), it is a well written book that helps people who are having difficulty working or getting along with others understand their own needs and personal style as well as giving solid tips and examples of how to work effectively with those "difficult" people.
I have heartily recommended this book to other leaders that I have worked with over the years with very positive results! The book will make you a better leader, employee, spouse or friend!

That's a pity it took me ten years to discover this book.

The ten types of difficult people (tank, grenade, sniper, know-it-all, they-think-they-know-it-all, etc.) are described in a fun and easy to understand way. There is a detailed step-by-step guide how to deal with every one. Plus, there are summaries, examples, and even illustrations. But the most important - and scary - part of the book was that I recognized myself in one of those types (on rare occasions, I hope, but time to work on it never the less).

One of the best books written on this subject. This is psychology at its best. A must read!

This is a light, easy, funny, and informative read. However, it's strikingly similar to "Coping with Difficult People" by Bramson, which was published first. Both books describe the same exact handful of problematic people and even share some of the same labels for them. If you don't know a person like this now that you could use some help with, chances are you did in the past or will in the future. However, you probably have problems not discussed here. This book is thorough in what it covers, but it could discuss more problems than such a small handful, and it's all about problems with people at work. You could probably apply some of this to situations outside of work, but it's a bit impersonal for use with friends and family.

This is a must read book for anyone who works with other people. In this book the authors explore the types of difficult people you might deal with, as well as strategies for how to deal with them. They also provide valuable insights on how to recognize if you are one of those difficult people. If you are in a leadership position, or simply want to be better at relating to people, this book will help you become better at communication.

I bought this book to learn how to deal with Jerks, in general. Turns out, Jerks are just misunderstood. This book teaches you how to understand them. Sometimes the book teaches you how to just make it through a jerk's tirade with minimal damage. Sometimes it tells you how to beat jerks at their own game. It would be great if this book were taught in grade school to let bullies, jerks, and twerps know that we're on to them and we know their games.

This book is more helpful in personal relationships. It is easier to use these tactics when the jerk you're dealing with doesn't have community or institutional support.

To be more effective in taking jerks down at work, you need to have community support. One person against the biggest bully at work isn't likely to be effective since corporate culture actively encourages jerks. One person's "proactive, aggressive go-getter" is another person's bully. I wish the book had more tips on how to build community around taking down a jerk.

This book has an excellent premise: the only way to deal with difficult people is to change the way you respond to them. Think about it. Do any of us ever do what we want to do all the time? Of course not. How many New Year's resolutions have we broken? Well, if we can't control our own behavior for our own good, how can we control someone else's especially when that person's obnoxious ways satisfies some perverse need? Some books on interpersonal conflict recommend that the reader resort to planning biting comebacks or simply ignoring the offending party. Rick and Rick offer more positive and healthier solutions (such as being more empathetic without being a punching bag) that if implemented will help the reader stay sane when under attack and eventually learn to stay above the fray.

If there are, and there always are, people that you can't stand, they are going to leap out of the pages of this book. There is always that ONE boss that really got under your skin, the is always ONE family member that sends you running for your room when they arrive, there is always that ONE friend that really shouldn't be called that, there is always that ONE sales check out clerk that makes a purchase nearly unbearable. This book goes a long way to make you recognize and name these people, but, just a little too short on how to deal with these people. It is more comic reading, than heavy psychological reading. Don't expect to suddenly love the people you can't stand, or even develop adequate skills in dealing with them, but you will realize that it is OK to feel the way you do about them. Anybody would.

From Lynn Baker, Asst. Professor at the University of Oklahoma. I have used this book and accompanying videos in graduate level classes. Students consistently give rave reviews to the book's readability. Not only do students learn techniques for dealing with difficult people, they discover that they themselves sometimes become one or more of the difficult types. Fortunately, readers can learn to rid themselves of undesirable behaviors. Thanks Rick and Rick for this reader-friendly and practical text. How about a superb revision soon?

I purchased this book in 2002 after I was having trouble with a peer who was a manager on my team. I was literally at the end of my rope. This book introduced the concept of blending which suggests using commonalities among two people as the focus and foundation of a relationship to build upon. Persuasive influence teaches you how to influence your audience and nudge them in the right direction. As human resource managers and professionals we dispense advice daily. This technique is something I use daily as part of communication and HR training.

My relationship with my peer did improve as a result of this book and the techniques discussed, but more importantly I have taken the concepts like blending and persuasive influence with me to new positions and teach and train other managers on these concepts as a part of employee training programs and leadership trainings.

"Dealing with People You Can't Stand" is a book that helped me in so many ways. It's a book that helps you change your techniques not the person with whom you can't stand. The title alone caught my attention. It is a book I go back to and recommend others picking up. It's worth every penny.

Jessica Miller-Merrell
CEO of Xceptional HR
Author of Tweet This! Twitter for Business
[...]

The authors have identified ten types of difficult people and provided respective action plans when dealing with them. To sum up, the general principle is that you need to be considerate and patient. When you are facing conflict, always remind yourselves: "100 years from now, what difference will it make?"
Although it is a short book, it offers useful advice plus many real-life examples to readers. While it is self-helping in nature, the methods outlined would likely boost your career. It should be used together with Andrew Dubrin's 'Winning Office Politics' for those interested in surviving in office politics.

This book is an excellent source for those who wish to keep peace with friends, family, and co-workers without lowering yourself to their levels.
The book provides a clear understanding of how to interact with others who are socially immature of all types from the "Grenade" to the "Nothing" person.

This one of the best books I have ever read on dealing with others. Not only do you recognize types you deal with on a daily basis, but you also see yourself in many of the descriptions. This gives you a leg up on dealing with others when you understand more about where you yourself are coming from.

I won't lie, I was not in the market for these gloves when i bought them. I was actually buying pellets for our cooker when these came up in the suggested items box.. That being said we cook a ton and I may very well have brought my last pair of disposable latex gloves for cooking. These gloves work great and I lot less wasteful than throwing away multiple sets of latex gloves during one cook.

There are so many nut cases out there that we have to deal with;

This book describes EXACTLY what kind of person he or she is,

and their motives (equally important), and explains how to get them to listen to you. Although it pictures office situations, they

work for ANYONE (mothers-in-law, children,family members, etc.)

This book is treasure!

Rather than blaming problem people, this humorous and thought
provoking book casts light on the cause of pushy, negative,
disruptive and wishy washy behavior, and then provides the
reader with specific skills and strategies
for bringing out the best in people at their worst.

I bought Dealing With People You Can't Stand when I was locked in a one year lease on a loft with a roommate that was driving me nutty. So nuts that I didn't speak to her for a month at one point. Unfortunately, this book left me very unsatisfied. It is a general guidebook for getting along better with others, but it isn't specific; it's a rather simple self-help book.

Later, I found two books that changed my outlook on the various ways people (mis)behave, and my interactions with them. The first was "Please Understand Me II: Temperament, Character, Intelligence" by David Keirsey. It is an introduction to personality type which started with Carl Jung's ideas on the subject, and was developed further by Meyers & Briggs. Filling out the book's questionnaire and reading about my own personality type was like having my life story told by someone that knew me better than my best friend or sibling. Identifying the various personalities of others I knew was incredibly revealing as well.

The second book, a natural companion to "Please Understand Me II," is "Survival Games Personalities Play" by Eve Delunas. This book uses personality type to reveal the dark flip sides you encounter when people of varying personalities are angry or stressed. At some point you've probably said about someone you know that he or she weren't themselves. Ms. Delunas writes extensively about how to both deal with these situations, and how she has helped family members better relate and change the way they respond to each other in her own clinic. If these books only helps you to understand why that jerk you know is driving you crazy and why you respond the way you do, it will be well worth the purchase price. Even more so if it helps you improve your relations with them.

I couldn't recommend these two books more highly. I strongly recommend buying them as a pair, since the first book introduces you to personality type and describes each type of person(ality) as they normally are, and the second describes what and why each type of person does when they're upset. Does the person you know backstab, or do they go silent? Do they bitch and whine? Find out why, and what you can do about it. Then understand yourself better. I have never seen people the same way since I read these two books. They've been tremendously helpful to me.

I got this book on the recommendation of a friend, and was pleasantly surprised at how helpful it is. I had a co-worker problem (and really, who doesn't?) and it explained how you can be the "bigger person" without having to just suck it up when confronted by a jerk. For most personality conflicts, this will definitely give some insights and useful guidance for dealing with annoying and even downright mean people.

I'm a felony probation officer. I deal with difficult people. I applied the clear techniques provided with an offender described for years as "a real nasty guy...." by previous probation officers. The technique worked immediately, the man expressed appreciation saying "You are the first person in your department who ever understood me...I'll do exactly what you told me to do." I could relate scores of other times these techniques have helped over the years. Rick & Rick's set of tapes is also extremely helpful. You won't be sorry you learned this stuff.

This book is a good introduction to the major types of annoying people and basic techniques for dealing with them. It seems to be primarily aimsed at business people. I wouldn't recommend it for those who want to improve family relationships.

Other points: if you're looing for a detailed guide for dealing with difficult people in a wide variety of possible situations, this isn't a book I'd recommend. The focus is on identifying the ten most annoying people (whiners, know-it-alls, snipers, etc) along with some limited suggestions for maximizng positive communication. It is basically up to the reader to figure out how to do that in specific situations, althnougb a few examples are given throughout the book.

This isn't a terrible book but it is an introductory guide at best. There are better choices out there.

...and any book that can do that is worth something. The authors have focused their descriptions on the most common problem behaviors. The most striking thing you will see in the book is your own behavior. You will recognize a bit of yourself in this book. Problem people will be less evil to you and appear more human as you understand what is motivating the behavior. Seeing them as basically good is a wonderful way to deal with people. Read this book and see problem people for who they are and the ally they can become.

I had to read this book for a class in my last semester of college in 2008. Since then I`ve repeatedly had to use the strategies in this book to deal with coworkers and clients in my early career. I enjoyed the book and its results so much that I am repurchasing the second edition just to brush up on the material.

The book is simply written, with very few if any difficult theories or ideas put forth. The theories presented should easily be understood by most any reader, as it mostly rehashes lessons taught to most people by their parents. That is pay attention to people and deal with them calmly and rationally. Brinkman and Kirschner do tend to fall into a lot of pop psychology, which I guess fits this type of book, but tended to annoy this reader.
From the very beginning the doctors failed to engage me, they did not give me a reason to care to use these strategies on very many people. Given their backgrounds in holistic healing and naturopathic medicine, it would seem logical that they would have informed us of the health benefits enjoyed by eliminating stressful people from our lives. Instead this reader found it difficult to relate to any of the proposed situations in anything more than a professional setting. Because of that, this book would make an excellent blueprint on how to manipulate people on your way up the ladder of success.
Each chapter was well organized, most beginning with a story that depicted that particular chapters theme. The authors then laid out a step-by-step guide to dealing with this type of difficult individual. It seems a bit naïve to think that one strategy will work for each of the personality types. Some may find it difficult to proceed with the given advice, and therefore it would have been nice to see some alternative strategies given. This would give the reader greater flexibility when dealing with his or her particular difficult person. Not only were the suggestions limited, often times they seemed quite simplistic, almost as though Brinkman and Kirschner believe that people are machines and simply by pushing the right buttons or saying the magic pop psychology phrase we can control anyone. Seldom does it work that way in real life. This tendency is clearly seen in the stories at the end of each chapter. Again Brinkman and Kirschner introduce us to some people in conflict. One character is a difficult person and the other employs the strategies spelled out by the authors. After the techniques are used, it is almost like magic that the difficult person begins to cooperate. Now this would be acceptable as a way to make your point, but often we are led to believe that each story is a recount of a real-life occurrence. So, unless the authors have found a real life magic bullet, they have lost a lot of credibility with this reader.

Another reason to look upon this book with suspicion is the fact that the authors apparently want us to believe that all of these ideas were somehow conceived, developed and born of their own brilliant minds. On only two occasions do the refer us to any other sources for the theories put forth in this book, and one of those is another book written by the same men. A book of this type should be able to direct us to other sources to back up the theories presented.
As stated earlier, this book is an excellent source for those who wish to manipulate co-workers and business associates, especially the first two-thirds of it. Towards the end though it does become a bit more personal and even more enjoyable to read. The last section of the book is certainly the freshest. Here we get some good advice on proper use and etiquette on the phone and using E-mail.

I was looking for a reference book to aid a seminar I was about to give on interpersonal communications to aid selling skills. The book explains behavioral patterns and groups difficult people under 10 main types. And believe me you know them all! The book also contains live examples, which makes it all the more useful and valuable. I strongly recommend you to read it.

We buy books like this to help us learn techniques to deal with those people "that you can't stand" but if you have your eyes open at all, we can all be "those people" when we are having a bad day.

Really informative and glad I bought and read it!

I found this book is quite helpful in identifying differing communication styles and in giving suggestions for how to deal with them. One of the major, salutary, insights is that each of us probably has a communication styles that irritate somebody, somewhere. Ouch! But recognizing that aspect of "the problem with OTHER people" gives us a better chance to improve matters. I liked the humor, too.

This book is very insightful in dealing with different types of people who generally add challenges to your life. It starts with overall communication skills and the delves into the 10 individual personality types, breaking down their individual characteristics and giving actions for dealing with those types of individuals.

Dr. Rick Brinkman and Dr. Rick Kirschner are Naturopathic physicians who wrote the book, Dealing with People You Can't Stand, with good intentions of helping people identify and deal with the 10 most difficult behaviors.

Effective communication is key to successfully dealing with difficult behaviors. Good examples of effective communication are given in chapter 4. One communication technique is Blending. Dr. Rick & Dr. Rick state "Blending is any behavior by which you reduce the differences between you and another in order to meet them where they are and move to common ground."
Another strong point of this book are the illustrations of the Lens of Understanding. They are throughout the book and are very helpful. The Lens of Understanding illustrations help you to see the organizational framework. The illustrations are formatted to resemble the cross hairs of a scope on a rifle. They are an effective visual aide.
One of the weak areas are the typographical errors. There are several throughout the book. One example is on page xii. The period after the 2 is missing. Another typo is on page 118, in paragraph three. The word when is spelled ohen.
Another weak aspect is contradiction. For example in the Introduction Dr. Rick & Dr. Rick tell you that the difficult person will change. Their statement "While you can't change difficult people, you can communicate with them in such a way that they change themselves. It's a matter of knowing how to get through to them when they're behaving badly.", contradicts itself in several places throughout the book. The authors tell you that you better adjust your attitude. One example of this is on page 68. The heading is in bold lettering and states "You Better Adjust Your Attitude." They tell you to watch your emotions when dealing with a Tank.
On page 201, Dr. Rick & Dr. Rick give more contradicting advice. In the seventh ounce of prevention, they tell you to beware of multitasking when on the telephone. Then in the eighth
ounce of prevention they tell you to use your phone time to catch up on personal hygiene.

Errors and contradictions aside this book helped me to have a better insight to what makes some people tick.
This helps me communicate more effectively, thus taking some of the stress out of my life.

I was actually required to read this book for a college leadership class. I found it to be an excellent resource and I would recommend this book to anyone. It has many implications dealing with leadership, but you do not need to be a leader to find this book helpful.