Surviving and Thriving with the Self-Absorbed - Disarming the Narcissist

Very interesting and relevant if you are seeking to understand the narcissist in your life. Buy one for you and other family members since there is always more than one. Easy to read and understand. Will provoke your thoughts.

If you think you're dealing with a narcissist, this is a good book to confirm your suspicions. I would have liked to see more about dealing with narcissists in various situations (namely boss, co-worker) a little more but overall it gave good ideas on how to adapt your behavior with them. Above all, it was very insightful as to how these people manage to manipulate you. Unfortunately it isn't as simple as saying it's their fault, there is a lot you can do to protect yourself. In the end, reading the book has helped me with the decision to leave a work situation with a narcissistic boss. Having a boss with almost no boundaries set in the workplace by the company means that overall change would be extremely difficult (and without imposing visits to a therapist). In my next workplace I will set my boundaries much earlier. Many thanks to the author for putting all these together in a way that is overall very easy to understand.

Not what I expected. No one should willingly stay with a narcissist. That's what this book is about. The recommendations presented here are common sense and quite frankly are NOT effective. Not worth a read.

Wendy Behary introduces an approach to intervening with oneself and the Narcissist where both sides can choose to grow out of their habitual childhood coping habits and negotiate a healthier, compassionate, and mutually supportive relationship. Her program requires that skills be learned and practiced before attempting to intervene with the Narcissist. The approach is workable. It requires deep commitment , honesty, and introspection to track emotional threads back to the innocent children we were while experiencing the relationship in present time, keeping both parties safe and supported. Wendy is an excellent teacher. I have used her techniques in session. If both partners want to stay together, this intervention is very good place to start. The skills transfer well to the workplace with difficult workers and bosses. Excellent, well- researched book...

If you are well-versed in this subject and complementing a library of research on this subject, this book is OK. There are a few pieces of wisdom in it. However, if you are inexperienced, or if you can only afford one book, do not get this one. Some of the advice was actually dangerous. For example, many of the techniques suggested to"diffuse through empathy" will actually backfire in a very significant way. They can act as triggers particularly if the individual has a sensitivity about one of those issues the author suggested you be "empathetic" about ...

Reading this made me wonder if the author has hands-on experience or if this is all theoretical case study?

Great read for non professional who finds themselves in situations with a narcissist. Focus seems more for personal rather than professional situations (think boss, supervisor). Tough road but at least a way to understand, cope and find your way back. Probably will re-read at least once.

In this book, Behary does a remarkable job of injecting respectful levity into explaining what can be an insidiously harmful experience for someone who comes to deal with a narcissist, or perhaps worse, wakes to the fact that they have been living with/parented by/controlled by a narcissist over an extended time. Having been brought up by a pouting narcissitic martyr of a mother, I descended into utter confusion, inner turmoil and suicidal depression because of the self-sapping influence of my distorted reality upbringing. Living this confusion under a veneer of normality - that others will defend while telling you your experience isn't true - kills you certainly and slowly. This book is like sitting with a professional friend who "gets you", validates the crazy-making influence of the narcissist you've been dealing with, peels back that veneer to explain the actual reality of the situation, and throws in light and gentle relief. While not taking away any of the gravity of the subject, and while always explaining with respect for you the reader and also the narcissist, Behary wonderfully breathes the hope for normality and life back into your Self. The book is thus powerful and Behary is a talented and exceptional healer, able to take complex ideas and present them to the layperson intelligently and appropriately.

this book is one of the most thoughtful, concise and comprehensive studies of this personality type and the people who find themselves sometimes trapped in relationships with them. incredibly useful techniques and strategies in dealing with narcissists. helpful advice in how to seek out the right kind of therapy also. highly recommended

The best book ever! Literally this book saved my life ! It's really like been blindfold to a situation that we can only see from outside . That's not one single paragraph on this book that didn't apply to my 6 yrs relationship. Everyone should read this book before get engaged on a relationship. Thank you so much !

Originally I bought this book for leisure reading, but when my sister approached me about the bullies at work, I listened for several weeks then after my suggestions didnt really fit her way of life, I gifted this book to her. To some degree we are all narcissistic, but there are "those others" that are sticklers to navigate around. This book from what little I read seems to address "those others."

This book is so helpful and informative. Living with a narcissist, I needed some guidance. I couldn't even figure out how to communicate with them until I read this book. I am so grateful for insight and suggestions.

The writer described my husband perfectly! Until I read this book , I thought I was the one who had all the problems. I found this book extremely helpful by disclosing new communication skills. Now I just need to practice, practice, practice.

This is a helpful and insightful book for those with a narcissist in the family (or other close quarters, like work), and wanting to learn how to enjoy life with them by better understanding them. Key advice includes how to communicate with them to get needs met, reduce frustration and upset caused by their traits, and enable a closer relationship. This isn't a book for those wanting to get rid of a narcissist in their life. This is a book for those who want to build a better and less stressful relationship with one.

Written like it's a rant about narcissists rather than as a helpful guide. If your irritating person exhibits these signs, they're a narcissist! What? That's not clinical. That's just dangerous. You don't diagnose your own medical conditions, so... but this is exactly what a narcissist would write.

Really good information - BUT not too easy to do - so practice, practice, and PRAY because if you are somehow connected to a narcissist - you have a LOT on your hands! (Oh, and IF you are dating one - my advice, not the book perse', DO NOT marry them - just saying).

the book was very interesting in terms of what to do and not do in the event of a disagreement with the narcissist. Take my advice don't argue or debate with a narcissist you will never win..and you will come out confused, crying, agitated and want to fight back. The book gave me some interesting tips., i will get more information about the narcissist by reading more books. Pages 13-15 in chapter 1 and page 63 in Chapter 3 was on point for me i had to put the book down..because i was emotional to read how i always walk the fine line for fear of losing him because of abanddoment issues in my life. My opinion its a good first book to have to begin learning about the narcissist in your life.

Most people don't yet recognize this behavior as something negative, unbecoming, obnoxious or as arrested development from younger years. It explains accurately, complex details of this to have a greater understanding and perspective that is well needed to arm myself regarding these crazy-making people that infiltrate our society. I do like to share what I learn with others, it has been enlightening for them as well. Personally I think that it should be taught in schools, narcissists don't like this behavior to be brought out in the open, they much prefer to broadside unsuspecting people. Ruthlessness is also part of this affliction that seems to not be recognized by most people, the general public has a preconceived notion about what a ruthless person does and how they look and act. A little old lady in a wheelchair couldn't be one, nor could an attractive young one with a great smile. They are all men wearing black hats with a frown or scowl. Hopefully this book will shift people's bias.

This gives a thorough insight into what makes a Narcissist do what they do, while examining what triggers do I have that cause anxiety. It also provides boundaries to use when dealing with a Narcissist.

Practical steps to address contributing factors leading to emotional disaster when on the receiving end of Narcissistic Personality Disorder are helpful and informative in this book. It deals with the issue head-on with understanding and realism. Hope is a word that can show up for many people who have lost all hope of surviving or salvaging a relationship with a person with NPD after reading this book with its good, solid advice. If a relationship is not too far gone, one can see how something workable may evolve from following the easy-to-understand and linear advice. I give this 5 stars for sure.

The author is more self-involved than the few case examples I was able to get through. It is very triggering to be enveloped by her self-congratulations of her "natural writing talent" for at least a chapter, never getting to useful analysis or insightful guidance. Perhaps that comes in later chapters, but, I, as a voracious reader, found myself triggered and nauseous; unwilling to venture further through the manure. Unbelievable.

I don't even feel good about donating this book to the thriftstore. Waste of trees.

Disarming the Narcissist is a brilliant practical guide to handling anyone who has Narcisstic personality disorder - or shows symtpoms of this disorder. It uncovers and makes clear exactly what drives the Narcissist and also exactly what drives those who find themselves entangled with them.

The book shows that its the inner "schmemas" or psycholical patterns inside us which give a Narcissist such power to hurt us - and its the "schemas" or psychological patterns inside them that drive their behaviours . The author gives a very clear simple explanation of how this works - and how knowing what your "schemas" and the Narcissits "schemas" are - can make an enormous difference to how you handle the relationship. They also make it a lot easier to leave the relationship if that is what is best.

I'm a psychotherapist working with the wife of a "classic bully" narcissist. Got two copies so cl could have one. This book has helped me to see I was on right track with the client, and has helped her to understand herself and her part in this relationship much better. The book was recommended in a seminar on Personality Disorders, and I pass the recommendation onward! It is very easy to read. My only criticism is that the author's "scripted" responses for the narcissists "victim" is too wordy, ergo not something a frightened, timid "victim" is likely to do. I do, however, endorse the context of the responses, and will work to support clients in this process.