What To Say and Do When Life Is Scary - and Unfair to People You Love

This book is amazing. Everyone needs a copy. It is accessible, funny, and gets a the heart of what makes it so hard for all of us to talk about grief and loss and hard times. A beautiful new way to gently shift yoused into becoming a better friend and human.

On my first reading (hard copy) I thought "meh". A lot of common sense that I thought I already knew. But I highlighted passages of interest and when I went back to review the pages I'd marked, the advice seemed good to me. I needed to apply it more carefully to my particular circumstances. I'm glad I bought it and I'm not ready to pass it on, or re-sell it, to someone else yet.

This book is practical, whimsical and wise.

So often, when bad things happen to someone, I don't say anything because I don't know what to say. The suggestions and perspectives in the book are a perfect resource to get unstuck and show up as a friend in the most loving way.

Chapter 6 goes into what not to say, but it doesn't just leave it there. The author shows you simple dialogues as alternative responses. In fact, she has "Seeing it in action" sections with example dialogues throughout the book. Chapter 7 has a cheat sheet for what to say in different situations plus good ideas for thoughtful gestures. While all the pragmatism is useful, the book is also funny, which kept me reading. One illustration read: “I wish I could take away your pain, or at least take away the people who compare it to the time their hamster died.”

I've had loss in my life that was unexpected and more painful than I could have imagined. I've had friends say things that are unintentionally hurtful or really just take care of their own needs. I'm sure I’ve done the same in similar situations. I wish I had this book to build empathy and awareness for responding.

One of the things I love about this book is its realism. The author understands loss. Some loss is so great that it's not something you ever truly get over. And, “getting over it” would require amputating part of yourself anyway. The goal may be “learning to live with loss,” as the author explains, but that doesn't mean you have to live with suffering. For me, that’s a matter of seeing things as they are versus how I want them to be. The book resonates with me because it’s clear that the author sees things as they are. That’s how I’d want my friends to engage with me when life seems scary, awful and unfair.

I originally thought the book would be a "downer" (because it talks about death and other tragedies), but it was a surprisingly entertaining read. The "what not to say" sections had me wincing because I can totally see people saying these things (and can see why they're hurtful). I'm glad to know what NOT to say so I won't put my foot in my mouth. But more importantly I now feel confident on what I CAN say. Everyone is going to need this material at some point in their life (likely many times) so it's worth your time. Speaking of time, I'm SUPER busy with three kids and a full time job so I didn't think I would have time to read it... but it's broken up into logical sections (with lots of illustrations and callouts), so it's no problem to just read one chapter in a setting. It might even be better that way since you can think about one idea for a while. Of course, once I read one chapter I found myself wanting to read more... like I said, it's a very compelling read!

No doubt it is almost impossible to undo someone’s pain in hard time and this book is not about that, don’t expect any magic. It’s a review of a lot of common sense things that we might have forgotten about. Reading this book at least helped me reflect on how I behave and now I am certainly more aware of my words and actions and the difference that they can make. It’s all common sense but we might get caught up in the situation and act irrationally.

Useful book . Haven't finished it yet for some reason. It's a little chopped up in its presentation. In fact, I originally ordered it to read on my phone but the format,with charts and summaries in cute little boxes made reading it difficult by mixing short cuts with narratives .It is useful for pointing out common mistakes in how often react.

This should be required reading for all adults. Whether you see yourself as a beacon for your friends and loved ones in times of peril or find yourself hopelessly lost, this book will help you do better (and feel better about what you do) for the people you care about. I truly believe the world could be a better place if more people read this book.

This is the missing emotional owners manual that should have come in the box for all adults. As someone who both struggles with chronic illness and with what to say when bad things happen to other people, this is a truly amazing book. Easy to read, yet still has deep wisdom. I wish more people would read this to avoid saying the wrong things and criticizing those already having difficulties, but also that more people would be brave and say something when bad things happen.

This book was recommended to me by my physician. I thought it would contain something other than common sense, but it doesn't. If you are unable to think beyond yourself and your needs then this book might help you. However, if you have the least bit of empathy or sympathy coupled with simple common sense you don't need this book. I objected to the cartoonish presentation of this material. It is written as if designed for a child. Were I a child, this book might be helpful. I see this book as a giant waste of money.

Coarse language intermittently throughout the book. For a book on manners this was a conflict. Illustrations were distracting and did not add to learning. Actually I learned nothing as the book seemed targeted to a more juvenile audience or to someone with really no social skills at all. I guess others found the book helpful but if you have basic empathy in operation in my opinion you do not really need this one.

If you have ever wondered how to help someone who has experienced tragedy or suffering in life, but are afraid or have no idea how to help, then you need to read this book. Emily and Kelsey take you into the heart of empathy and sympathy and give practical illustrations of why we struggle to help and practical suggestions of how to help and how to better understand the needs of those who are struggling. The book contains many examples and teaches you the common mistakes and gives you ways to improve your empathy. The book contains humor and concrete guidance, along with exercises to help each person expand on their natural kindness.