Coping with the One-Way Relationship in Work - and Family

For anyone who has realized that their life has been affected by someone with narcissistic personality disorder, and especially if one has felt as though there is no way to change the situation, this book will give you a new sense of empowerment and hope. While we might not be able to change a narcissistic person, we can change our broken self-concept and we can affect how the narcissist behaves in front of us.

If you regulary interact with someone with NPD, then you have no doubt sought help from several books on the subject. I initially did not order this book and picked others because (due to the title) I expected a more technical read comparing and contrasting the Wizard of Oz with narcissists. But, this is not the case with this book! It is a very easy read and is spot on in describing the feelings you may be feeling while dealing with a narcissist. I highly recommend this book! It was very helpful for me!

Excellent read. Helped me to make sense of my situation and realize that I was absolutely living in crazy town and it didn't matter what I did, how I looked, or how much I cared for my narcissist, I was never going to matter or measure up. I am clicking my ruby slippers because there is no place like home...

Eleanor Payson does an excellent job in giving the details, signs, symptoms and inner dynamics of interactions of the Narcissist. As most books on personality disorders, there is little in terms of treatment and this understandable given the diagnosis. The best treatment is usually exiting the relationship ASAP.

The book gave me the inner workings in a concise, non-clinical as well as some clinical presentation. Very difficult to write a book that would be beneficial for the professional and the lay person. She does a great job.

I applaud her perserverance. I personally refer out these disorders and give all the credit in the world to someone that has the ability to hang in there.

Excellent for those living with a NPD. Highly advise this book.

Dan Williams,Psy.D., P.A.-C. author, Above His Shoulders. a memoir of sexual abuse.

The recent demise of a particularly confounding romantic relationship sent me looking to purchase my very first "self-help" book. Most of the time, people make sense to me. However, a year's worth of WTF? with this person really had me confused, as I'd never met someone quite so self-obsessed, empathy-free, and with a hair trigger temper if his knowledge/opinion was questioned. This book was really a lightbulb moment for me-- it really put into context not only his confounding behavior/actions, but also my inexplicable responses/behavior that were, frankly, not the me I thought I was. It's been an eye-opening experience to understand the overt narcissist/co-dependent relationship, and to see how I have been in this same dance (in subtle and not-so-subtle ways) a number of times with friends, family, and at work. Some of these relationships I could (and did) walk away from. For those that I feel I can't (family, co-workers), this really gave me the knowledge to understand the dynamic and deal with it effectively, rather than continue to get emotionally caught up in the situation and, ultimately, give the narcissistic personality the "knee-jerk" reaction that s/he thrives on.
The reviews really sold me on this book, and I certainly was not disappointed (in spite of my cynicism). Very well written, very highly recommended!

I browsed through a few books on the subject, and my only concern about this one was around its relative brevity--I wasn't sure if it could do justice to the subject at such a modest length (compared to other volumes addressing the topic). My worries were thoroughly unjustified. This book is packed with useful information, yet remains very readable--at times even quite poetic. Due to its accessibility and comprehensive nature, I would wholeheartedly recommend this book to anyone interested in this subject. It was tremendously helpful to me. I feel very grateful to the author for masterfully assembling such a great deal of information in an initially inviting and consistently engaging manner. I have a couple of friends who have also found this book to be an invaluable tool in understanding certain facets of their lives. I suspect that other readers would respond similarly.

OMG! This is probably the most influential and informative book I have ever read. It is SO EYEOPENING. This book nails narcissism on the head. It is been so helpful to understand how a narcissist thinks. Once you understand narcissism better it really helps in dealing with one. Gave me my sanity back.

Interacting with a narcissist is a particular kind of hell, that you don't want to repeat. This book is a good resource for adapting your behavior to make work relationships manageable, and if you are leaving a marriage with a narcissist, how to avoid becoming involved with another one. Life is so much better away from their controlling ways!

After reading this book I could no longer deny how the narcissist in my life made me feel. Most narcissist never change. This book will open your eyes to reality, which can sting a little. In the end you will understand the narcissist in your life better, but more importantly be able to articulate your feelings. If you believe your feelings don't matter to that certain someone read this book.

Saved my sanity. Bought this book because I was the one who was supposed to be NPD and found out why I wasn't and my wife is. Bought 3 more copies and gave them to friends who can't put it down. It's not a gathering to make someone wrong but an answer to why it is wrong and why I've been struggling to make sense of it all. A LIFE saver

Excellent insight into my marriage, my relationships with my mom and sister. We all have the patterns described in this book of NPD and co-dependency. The most poignant passage in the book for me was the description of the "emotional hostage" phase of relationship with an NPD. I want to print and frame that. I thought I was going crazy until I stumbled on that.

This book was revolutionary in my life during a very difficult time in my marriage. It helped me understand what I was dealing with. As I read this book I was amazed at how accurate it described my situation. I recommend this to anyone suspecting they are in a narcissistic relationship to let them know "it's not you and it's not all in your head".

This book is really easy to understand and helped me come up with stratagories to help with the NPD I work with. Since most books just tell you to give up because you can't fix a NPD, it is refreshing that this book contains methods to help you deal with the narcissist in your life. I have read many accounts on line of countless people who have quit their jobs because they can no longer deal with the NPD at their work. I would recommend this book to each of them. Our narcissist does not have more power then I do, but dealing with her attitudes and comments is extremely frustrating and demeaning. It is difficult to find information on how to deal with NPDs at work, most just say be careful and don't antagonize them and learn how to avoid them. Most of us who work with NPDs, can't just avoid them. If the NPD is your boss, you are really at their mercy and since finding a new job is not alway easy, it helps to have some ideas of what to do. People like Steve Jobs might have been brillant in their field, but their professional behavior toward their subordinates was deplorable and no one should admire them for such behavior. If you work with a NPD then read this book, all of it, it tells you what not to do, why NPD's do things and most important, strategories to maybe get things under control.

This book mostly contains help for those who have a NPD in their personal lives. The book will help you understand your own behavior traits that can be feeding into the disorder. Although the book is structured by which relationship you have with an NPD, reading each section has information that is useful for dealing with any NPD. The author obviously has worked with a great many people who are frustrated and at their wits end dealing with NPDs. Encounters with NPD's can ruin your life. If you are unfortunate enough to have an NPD in your personal life, you should definitely read this book. It has many useful techniques for helping others with NPD's and can help you get your life back.

A "Thank you" to the author for writing it and including some positive information to help each of us deal with this devastating disorder. I will keep my copy, but I'm buying another copy for management at my place of work in hopes that it can help others who have to deal with NPD's at work.

This book has divinely fallen into my lap twice, and thank God! Both times I was dealing with having to end a relationship with a person I loved who had addiction and abuse problems. This book put confusing and crazy-making experiences into the perfect words. It also provided me with validation of my sanity, contrary to the nacissists opinion that everyone is 'crazy' except them. It helped me to believe what I knew: that I wasn't crazy but was dealing with a crazy situation, and that I wasn't alone. Thank you SO much for writing this book. I inspires one to trust their instincts, step back, and set healthy boundaries, before we get sucked down the rabbit hole with the narcissist. Or at least not so far down we can't find our way back outs. Again, God bless you and thank you for writing this book!!!

This book is really easy to understand and helped me come up with stratagories to help with the NPD I work with. Since most books just tell you to give up because you can't fix a NPD, it is refreshing that this book contains methods to help you deal with the narcissist in your life. I have read many accounts on line of countless people who have quit their jobs because they can no longer deal with the NPD at their work. I would recommend this book to each of them. Our narcissist does not have more power then I do, but dealing with her attitudes and comments is extremely frustrating and demeaning. It is difficult to find information on how to deal with NPDs at work, most just say be careful and don't antagonize them and learn how to avoid them. Most of us who work with NPDs, can't just avoid them. If the NPD is your boss, you are really at their mercy and since finding a new job is not alway easy, it helps to have some ideas of what to do. People like Steve Jobs might have been brillant in their field, but their professional behavior toward their subordinates was deplorable and no one should admire them for such behavior. If you work with a NPD then read this book, all of it, it tells you what not to do, why NPD's do things and most important, strategories to maybe get things under control.

This book mostly contains help for those who have a NPD in their personal lives. The book will help you understand your own behavior traits that can be feeding into the disorder. Although the book is structured by which relationship you have with an NPD, reading each section has information that is useful for dealing with any NPD. The author obviously has worked with a great many people who are frustrated and at their wits end dealing with NPDs. Encounters with NPD's can ruin your life. If you are unfortunate enough to have an NPD in your personal life, you should definitely read this book. It has many useful techniques for helping others with NPD's and can help you get your life back.

A "Thank you" to the author for writing it and including some positive information to help each of us deal with this devastating disorder. I will keep my copy, but I'm buying another copy for management at my place of work in hopes that it can help others who have to deal with NPD's at work.

This book has divinely fallen into my lap twice, and thank God! Both times I was dealing with having to end a relationship with a person I loved who had addiction and abuse problems. This book put confusing and crazy-making experiences into the perfect words. It also provided me with validation of my sanity, contrary to the nacissists opinion that everyone is 'crazy' except them. It helped me to believe what I knew: that I wasn't crazy but was dealing with a crazy situation, and that I wasn't alone. Thank you SO much for writing this book. I inspires one to trust their instincts, step back, and set healthy boundaries, before we get sucked down the rabbit hole with the narcissist. Or at least not so far down we can't find our way back outs. Again, God bless you and thank you for writing this book!!!

Payson clearly and thoroughly discusses one of the most damaging types of people one can encounter, that of the malignant narcissist. These people expertly create an image of benevolence, while leaving a trail of destruction. One of the best books I've read on the topic.

Someone suggested I read this book when dealing with a mother who has issues. It was such an eye opener. I am actually going to begin working with Eleanor and hopefully she can help me understand how to heal my life from growing up in such a toxic environment. Great read and I am not am avid reader of books like this.

It looked at narcissism in many different lights and provide me with the ability to recognize a narcissist and understand why their behavior caused me so much pain. At the same time I was given the ability to forgive myself and the Narcissists without making it ok to continue in the negativity of the relationship.

Having grown up in a household with 2 NPD (narcissist personality disorder) parents, as well as my older brother, I've done a good deal of reading on this subject to fully understand my formative years. While I found the first 2/3's of this book more strongly written, the entire book is a very worthy read. The author's writing style was very easy to follow and offered several a-ha moments, especially in the first few chapters. I rank this with Why Is It Always About You? and Toxic Parents as must reads for anyone who endured this crazy making kind of parenting.

This is an extremely intelligent, comprehensive book about the human behavior we call narcissism. You might see a parent in there, you might see a friend or relationship, you might even see yourself. Payson is a generous writer, a clear communicator, and I'm sure this book has helped thousands of people. Highly recommend.

This book gave my insight into what narcissists act like, the distructive power that living with one can have on your life, and exactly why they are so unable to connect with other people. It explains how people can gently put up boundaries to extablish limitations when dealing with narcissists in their lifes.

I bought this unresearched for its title alone, while ordering a related book that had been recommended by a friend. So when the package arrived, I opened this one first, just to see what I'd bought. I never set it down again til I'd finished it 3 hours later -- I was riveted. When I'd finished it, I immediately went online and sent a few to friends who've also been wrestling with this issue -- something I've never done with any other purchase.

If your life has contained major narcissists, this book will amaze you -- mostly with its clarity. It's got a brisk, no-nonsense style, very readable. It dissects the narcissistic personality and its effects, tells you how to identify situations where those patterns are in effect, and even offers tips on how to deal with the narcissists you can't avoid -- without getting eaten alive in the process. I can say without exaggeration that it changed my life.

However, if you like to wrap yourself in self-pity, you won't much enjoy reading it -- though it will still be a huge help to you if you want help. If you want to wallow in self-pity and would rather not resolve any of your narcissistic situations, read "Will I Ever Be Good Enough" -- the book that was originally recommended to me.

Being the son of a narcissistic sociopath, this book brought comfort, validation and coping strategies for me and my family. I thought I understood narcissism. This book showed me that I had a lot to learn. An easy read (I'm a slow reader) and the use of vignettes keeps it interesting and appropriate. So glad I read it!

This is an incredible book! It helped me so much that I bought it for my daughter who was having problems with a person at her work. She said that it was very helpful in dealing with the problem person. She read it more than once and underlined key passages. I strongly recommend this book to anyone trying to cope with a narcissist!

Having suffered under a Grade-A narcissist in my business career, this book answered so many things I hadn't understood. It won't 'fix' the narcissist, but it will arm you with knowledge and allow you to manage your way through - and hopefully out of the situation. I'm very thankful to the author.

This book does a wonderful job of clearly laying out the dynamic invovled in narcissistic relationships. It becomes clear how the narcissist draws others into a codependent dance, and why people who grew up with narcissistic caregivers have such a difficult time seeing the dyanmic and ultimately extracting themselves from it. It's a powerful book for anyone who lives or works with narcissistic personalities.

I read the whole book highlighting through tears. It's tough seeing your messed up life on the pages of a book, but oh so liberating when the light comes on and you learn the shadow of the tiger that's been stalking you was cast by a paper cut out. Yes, I recommend this book for anyone looking to shed light on the demons. It will empower you to choose a new reality. With the knowledge you will have the power to exercise the will to be the person God needs you to be, not who the narcissist needs you to be. Read, and be free!

Anyone dealing with toxic personalities who come on as the most positive people you ever met will find this helpful. Certain settings seem to attract narcissistic personalities, from the workplace to organized religion. After you have found someone whose attitude has shifted from friendly to, in retrospect, a user, this information can help anyone forgive themselves for being taken in. Solidly researched.

It was as though she were writing personally about my life. Over and over I would say to myself, that's me, oh my gosh that's me. My therapist had recommended this book for me and I immediately sent her a thank you email. This book has clarified so many of the feelings I've had about my relationship with my husband, and helped me understand so much.

(Kindle version)

Easy read with lots of insight into the minds of the self absorbed.
It was a little lengthy on the sections of spousal narcissism which was irrelevant for my purposes. I had to filter through these sections. It is a book that you will want to keep handy to reread and refer back to if you have a Narcissist in your life.

It left me with wanting to learn more about narcissism and how to actually deal with these mental defectives.

This book really opened the world to me. Thanks for being so direct and forthright. I can't believe I have been under the cloak of fright for 40 years growing up being the step child of a type A naricissist family. WOW...now I've got to figure out how to adjust my life to all this information....

This book is essential reading if you are living with or in any kind of relationship with someone that has narcissistic personality disorder or NPD.

Also extremely helpful to the 'regular' person exhibiting unhealthy narcissistic traits, i.e. most of the human race.

I have been dealing with a narcissistic person in my life and had no idea how to deal with them. This book will tell you why they are this way and how to deal with them. I am much more confident now then I was before I no longer feel like I have a problem.

The "Wizard. . ." opened the world of narcissistic thought and actions to me. The behavior of those long since passed, and of those very much in the present was made extremely clear. I appreciated the illustrative material, i.e., the examples, analogies, etc. with which the author chooses to make her points. Finely written for all faced with the WHY and WHAT regarding family, friends, colleagues, and acquaintances.

In reading the other reviews I notice that several people have read several books on the subject. So have I. I do find Eleanor Payson's book to be balanced in her attitude towards the NPD, and she also offers real tools to help one find their way through the narcissistic maze. If I could only read one book, it would be this one.

I liked the book very much. From my reading, this gives a pretty accurate discription of the personality disorder. It is not "pop psychology" but makes the label people tend to throw around a serious disorder. I have counseled for years and see mental as well as chronic physical disorders creating an extreme self interest. A person doesn't have to have a "full blown disorder" to show this kind of development (this is not in the book but my observation) and this book has helped me understand this kind of personality. I have recommended this books to others and would recommend it to anyone be it a person living with a person having this disorder or a counselor.

A revealing insight into the narcissistic personality, this book will help readers understand that this damaging personality disorder is negatively affecting their lives and making them believe that they are the guilty party.

So many marriages in trouble have one partner who inflicts this disorder on the other, affecting every aspect of lives together.

The partner who does not have the narcissistic disorder unknowingly feeds and enables.

Narcissitic individuals, whether in the role of spouse, parent, child, friend, co worker etc. are simply put, a 'torture'.

This book walks one thru in understanding, realizing and coping with such.

It also points out that the narcissistic personality rarely changes and the partner will make some utlimately hard decisions...perhaps the hardest...leaving the relationship.

Reading this book brought many insights into my own life and marriage. The author describes issues in detail and her words are therapeutic because I finally feel that someone understands what I've lived through. I highly recommend this for spouses of narcissists as well as the book "Disarming the Narcissist".

THE WIZARD OF OZ AND OTHER NARCISSISTS is without a doubt the best information book ever on dealing with, understanding and clearly defining a Narcissistic person...and it also includes dealing with the feelings of the person involved with such a person...I highly recommend this book for anyone who is or thinks they are closely involved with such a person. For me it helped understand and deal with an ex-daughter-in-law and her behavior with our grandsons and our son. It makes you stop second guessing yourself.....!!!!!

I was completely ignorant of the diagnosis of a true Narcissist and can now see that I survived a relationship with a covert narcissist (by leaving him) and now hope to help my adult daughters survive by sharing this book with them. Thank you Eleanor Payson.

This book is probably the most informative book on narcissism I have ever read! After being in a relationship with a narcissist for ten years (on and off) I finally get it. It's not my fault!!! The fear of thinking I was going crazy with the humiliating comments. There were so many things I identified with. I always took it personally when my boyfriend broke up with me. The cruel ,demeaning put downs as he was walking out the door. I understand now that it was his way of devaluing me-so it wouldn't seem like a great loss to him. My head would be spinning because HE CHEATED ON ME!!!!!! Then he would leave me in the dust telling me I couldn"t take it. As if I was deficient in some way! My collection of books on narcissism is enormous but this book is my favorite!

My therapist suggested this book as a way of looking back at my relationship with my father (deceased five years now), and I immediately loaded it onto my Kindle and read it pretty much in one sitting. I was startled at how much I recognized him (and myself) in this amazing book. I actually gasped a few times while reading and could barely sleep last night. It really was mind-opening to see that my entire life I'd been dealing most likely with an NPD parent. I'd long suspected my father had some undiagnosed mental issues, along with depression and alcoholism, but this really made it clear that he suffered from a condition and that as his "chosen" child, I suffered along with him (as did my mom and my siblings). I really like the way she also guides the reader through the guilt of "labeling" their parent as having a mental disorder, and I can relate to that because a lot of the myths I've upheld about my dad for my whole life are starting to crumble. I'd recommend this book to anyone who is trying to figure out if the person in their life is a true narcissist or just somewhere on the spectrum.

I've read quite extensively on the subject of narcissism, personality disorder, and family dysfunction. I find this book to be one of my better finds. The author has clarity, insight, wisdom. Worth reading.