12 Conversation Strategies to Build Trust - and Increase Intima cy

DONT BUY THIS BOOK. I read all the reviews before I did and I thought this book would be an amazing addendum to my self work...then I hit a speedbump. Waldemen & Newberg's stance on anger is disappointing. Anger is an emotional reaction that needs to be dealt with. Unfortunately, he does not recommend any strategies..but dismisses it as some aberration that we are afflicted with and he himself has it.....or at least reflects it in his handling of a story about a business and a therapist. I felt really confused at the end of the story...reheard it, reread it..I have both the kindle edition and the audio edition. Finally, after running into a wall of emotions myself , I realized that Newberg has done all of us a disservice. I am so sorry to have to write this. But I think this is a critically important part of our brain changing efforts and unless this is handled better we all suffer and fail in improving our lives and living them with richness and happiness. There are internal strategies for dealing with anger and they should be included in this treatise which otherwise has great tools (EMDR, and Dr. Sarno's Mind Body Connection)

WORDS CAN CHANGE YOUR BRAIN

Newberg and Waldman have done it again! Oprah picked their last book as a "Must Read" for 2012, and in this book they've identified 12 brain-based strategies that can surely help - at home or work - to improve communication skills. The technique is called "Compassionate Communication:" you enter a state of deep relaxation and focus, which includes an inner values exercise, then, when you converse with another, they teach you specific techniques involving nonverbal expressions and vocal tones. One strategy creates a "Mona Lisa" smile that causes the listener's brain to neurologically resonate to the speaker to build trust and foster cooperation. I've used many of these techniques and they can be powerful. The book includes a 20 minute training exercise and I've seen people tear up after a few minutes of practice.
Here are some of the highlights of my favorite chapters:

In THE POWER OF WORDS, the authors show how negativity can undermine a dialogue. They discuss the 3:1 positivity ratio that has been proven to improve personal relationships and work productivity.

In THE MANY LANGUAGES OF THE BRAIN, the authors cover cutting edge research involving the evolution of speech. Some words even have specific flavors!

THE LANGUAGE OF CONSCIOUSNESS: This was one of my favorite chapters because it shows how everyday consciousness is governed by a constant flow of inner speech. When you interrupt it, your conversations can become really meaningful.

THE LANGUAGE OF COOPERATION:Apparently it takes about seven seconds to create a state of "neural resonance" between two people, and research even sheds light on how plants communicate with each other.

THE LANGUAGE OF TRUST: In this chapter the authors elucidate about micro-expressions on the face and how to read the subtle emotions in others. Of interest is the section on how to tell if a person is being honest or deceitful.

Ch 8 guides you through twelve steps, backed up by over 100 scientific studies. Ch 10 offers specific advice for using Compassionate Communication with couples. I found this very useful. Ch 11 shows how to apply it in work situations, and Ch 12 shows how easy it is to use with children. This was an extremely useful and fascinating book, original and easy to read!

I am writing this review from an organizational perspective, and I hope to be especially helpful to those in organizational leadership roles. Leaders have to do a lot of talking in order to make themselves understood. Or do they? Newburg isn't so sure. She's putting her bet on listening. But this isn't the "shut up and listen" type. Nor is it the active listening promoted by so many therapists. This is a neurologically-based method for providing the optimal listening experience to whoever you are communicating with. This means that their ideas and insights can be maximized, to provide the most useful input possible

For example, the author recommends a 3:1 positive comment to negative comment ratio. This is the same ratio recommended in the groundbreaking Practice of Creativity by George Prince. In fact, a lot of the material in this book is a rehash of that classic material. However, the book certainly builds on older material, and updates it with contemporary research.

The objective is to foster an environment in which a speaker feels free and open to become vulnerable, to take verbal risks, and to make mental and communication connections that they would avoid in a less "safe" environment. So, if you are a leader looking to bring out the best ideas, information and trust in your subordinates, you really ought to check this book out. And, as I mentioned above, I also recommend the much earlier Practice of Creativity.

Some rather obvious, well known, already documented communication tips (not strategies, tips) that, while useful, are hardly new or breath-taking.
It's more an intro to basic counselling / listening skills so if you're a tyro, you're bound to benefit.

The audiobook version is not so much read as droned by one of the authors, Waldman (tip: hire a professional voice actor for your next endeavour).

As with all American books of this type, there's the usual over-sharing of personal details, the persistent misuse of the word strategy, and hyperbole about the benefits but I am benefiting from their basic counsel: speak slowly, warmly, and in <30 second 'bursts'.
That's good advice for living whoever you are.

I started recommending this book before I had even finished reading it. The practice of relaxing, speaking briefly and slowly can be started immediately to improve communication, without necessarily telling the listener that you are changing the way you converse. Formally describing the method and asking the other person to participate may be the next step. It is exciting to read that children actually like using the techniques, partly because the rules are the same for the adults. Children may be more inclined to start conversations on tough issues without being concerned they are going to get a long lecture. It may also help shy children speak up knowing that they only have to say one sentence at a time.

This outstanding book provides twelve excellent techniques to more effectively communicate with clients, colleagues, friends, family and loved ones, particularly in moments of stress.

These life-changing techniques have enabled me to listen more closely and hear what the speaker (client, boss, spouse, etc.) is trying to convey, and then respond in a manner that validates the speaker's feelings. Practiced daily, these techniques can calm the most emotionally charged situation, whether it is a challenging job, home or relationship.

As a financial services professional, I don't have control over market conditions, but I can now learn to control my response to concerned or upset clients.

I keep a list of the twelve techniques on my desk and utilize them when I need better skills to more effectively communicate with others, and manage difficult life circumstances for successful outcomes. I love this book!

This is a fine read. I practiced therapy for many years with a focus on individuals with chronic illness, and dealing with negative self-talk was always a central challenge. Words Can Change Your Brain provides a neurological explanation for the potency of those negatives, and some useful tools for dealing with them. Thanks to the authors for this valuable work. Breaking Eggs: Finding New Meaning with Chronic Illness

I started reading this book on my international flight from Washington DC to Italy. It was very clear, clean, easy to understand formula. As an executive, it has made me more cautious and observant of the way I communicate with my colleagues, employees, clients, partners, friends, and family. I am now conscious of the way I speak, the words I choose, and has helped enhanced my listening skills. I have incorporated the exercises from this book as well as practiced some with my brother. Now my grandmother is reading it. This book applies to all. It is not only informative but allows you to self reflect to better yourself. Love the way they explain the brain part of it as well. Highly recommend!

After reading a small part of the book and listening to him speak and teach, I find the research exciting. The material showing how frequently we need breaks and how to take breaks when studying helped me to see my study style in a different light and to consider changing how I teach.

Not since the publication of Getting to Yes has a book been written that will quickly guide anyone into powerful, collaborative, and creative dialogues. It's filled with easy-to-apply strategies to make every conversation a win-win scenario. As a business professor, we now use the exercises in this book to teach our students how to negotiate work related issues more effectively. Highly, highly recommended.
Chris Manning, Ph.D., Professor
Loyola Marymount University
Los Angeles, California

Sorry, but this book is a repetitive mish mash. Here is their Big Idea: have the mind and body in a relaxed state;distance yourself from bad thoughts and simply become the observer of same;replace negative thoughts with positive ones. That's it, repeated over and over again. Lots of new age lingo.