Every Woman’s Guide to Life and Love - Choosing Me Before We

This book is excellent. It really points out to you how you must figure out what you need from life and what makes you happy before getting into a relationship. It gives you loads of exercises and questions to ask yourself. It can take a while to work through due to all the exercises but it is well worth it. Wish I had read it before I got married (and subsequently divorced). So simple, but scary how many of us don't even consider our needs / wants / objectives before getting into a relationship. Many people just fall for someone and then convince themselves they have met the right person (when they may very well not be). Love for another person is simply not enough to make a successful relationship. We must love ourselves first and also choose wisely.

Okay, wow... If you identify as an "independent woman" or "feminist", you will hate this book. If you identify as having "any common sense whatsoever", you will hate this book. If you are even remotely mature or over the age of fourteen, this book will be condescending, basic, and irritating. I think what the author is trying for is noble, and it's important to learn. However, I simply could not relate to the girls' girl way this was written, and it never got past scratching the surface of "self-love". It offers basic ideas as to why you may be in a bad place, and it offers even more basic ideas to getting through it. If you have very, very minor stuff to work through, and you just want someone to validate your existence, this author will do that. If you actually want to be challenged and learn and engage in something, don't bother. This will be frustratingly simplistic. Go read some Brene Brown or something. That's a much better investment of your time and money.

I got this book after reading an article the author wrote on Your Tango about why smart women fail at relationships. It was one of the best decisions I've EVER made and I truly feel that it was divine guidance that led me to this book because reading it helped me change my life! Until that point I thought I loved myself but honestly I didn't know how or even what that meant! This book guided me and gave me the tools to finally deal with old demons which had been plaguing my every step without my realizing it.

Thanks to this book, I finally got off autopilot and realized I'd been living and repeating the same pattern of making bad decisions because I believed I was not worthy enough to have something good. I finally saw that the people, especially the men I was attracted to, I'd been attracting into my life were reflecting how I felt about myself and since I didn't love me, they couldn't love me in the way I needed either. Heck I had left me, so why would anybody else stick around?

Thank you Christine for everything! Thank you for being such an inspiration and for helping countless other women like me to finally understand that validation and acceptance must come from within, first and always. I hope to pay forward my blessing and I've told all my girl friends to read your book.

I think the book offers some good advice that can help avoid years of pain and frustration followed by an expensive divorce and a broken home.

That said, at times it is ponderous and repetitive. I think it offers sound premarital advice. But in a married relationship, especially with children in the mix, it reads like the author feels the reader should place themselves and their personal happiness first before all else. I beg to disagree. In a marriage one has committed to being a "we", for better or worse. Marriage has it's ups and downs, sometimes you will be happy, and sometimes not. If you can't deal with those facts of life then don't get married, and especially don't have children. Parenting is certainly rewarding but it requires you put your children first.

I listened to the audio version. I did not like the narrator.

I found this book by accident, in the library where I work. Since I work with people on a number of different levels and read a lot of "pop" psychology & self-help books, this one seemed interesting for it's own sake (I'm happily married). After scanning it I realized that the process Arylo outlines could be just as useful for creating and maintaining healthy friendships.

The year I read this book, three long-time friends had moved out of state and a book group I'd been in for a decade had disbanded. I was feeling as though I'd lost my moorings. I decided to try Arylo's process, altered slightly to fit my own situation. It really helped me clarify what I was looking for in a friendship. Her Core Four principle is especially useful.

I would recommend the book to anyone who may be starting from scratch or starting over in any area of her/his social life. Even though it was written especially for women looking for Mr. Right, the exercises are easily adjusted to other situations.

Each chapter offers so many ways to really discover who you are, what you need, and what truly makes you happy. I've spent months with this book and I'm only about a third of the way through it because for the first time in my life I'm savoring every moment I spend taking care of myself!

This isn't about male-bashing or victim-mentality, it's about honesty & taking responsibility for your own well-being as a woman so that you can be a pillar of strength for the ones you love -- and a shining example to every little girl who makes her way into this world for generations to come.

This is soul-feeding, life-changing stuff & if every woman out there could get the chance to read this book & would make the time to take care of HERSELF first, we could collectively change the course of history.

Infinite hugs to you, Christine! :)

What I appreciated most about this book is that anyone can read it and benefit from it -
Regardless of where you are on the relationship spectrum...
married, committed, single, dating, happy with a partner or miserable with a partner
CMBW gives you the tools you need to check-in with yourself and access the most important relationship you have in your life:
the one with YOU.
Because you can't really love anyone until you really truly love and honor yourself
and know what your heart really desires.

I love that Christine Arylo shares her own personal journey with the readers
of what her life was like before she really loved herself.
she learned she wasn't living her heart's deepest desires
and many years of training and inner exploration gave her the tools that she in turn shares with us, her readers

whether you read the book from cover to cover
or decide to just pick a random page to read for the day
her book will give you the insight and practices that are deeply thought-out, fun, and totally transformative!
Plus, Christine is friggin hilarious ;)

HUGELY thankful for this book!
and so are the many friends and family whom I have gifted it to .. :)

Thank you for this wonderful book, Christine
<3

Video Review: [...]

I really like the author and what she teaches but this book just didn't resonate with me and I found the questions at the end of each chapter to be a bit tedious so I only read a few chapters and put it away. I also don't like books that give dating advice and tells me how things should be in my life. I think I get to make those choices. Anyways, not really for me but may help others.

I learned of Christine Arylo's book and website after hearing her on Kimberly Wilson's podcast. I went through the book with highlighter, tabs and journal in hand. I seriously collected more real, useful tidbits from this book than I think I've ever gotten from therapy. This is not fluff or filler, but real substance mixed with Christine's personal experiences and antic dotes. Since reading the book I've bought several additional copies to keep on hand for friends who are going through relationship or self-esteem challenges. I am so grateful for whatever motivation Christine had to create this book. It's a gem!

Choosing ME Before WE empowers women from all walks of life to work on the most important relationship there is -- the relationship with themselves. Women have been taught to take care of everyone else -- the kids, the husband, the boss -- and to put ourselves last. We have been taught that taking time for ourselves is selfish. Well, it's time to throw those old thoughts out. Arylo has provided an inspirational guide full of tips and tools to help any woman find her true soul mate: herself. This book is full of real life experiences by the author and her friends. It tells the story of how after a 15-year relationship fell apart just before the engagement party, Arylo went on a self exploration. It was full of dark corners and truths she did not want to confront, but ultimately she found the courage to honestly face who she was and how she had gotten there. And the reward: she developed a loving, trusting, honest relationship with herself. Along her journey she found Noah, her husband, and together they work on continuing to have a committed, fulfilling partnership.

-- Tiffany LaRue, New Connexion Journal
[...]

I recommended this book to my massage therapist a couple years ago. She spent the summer reading it and doing all of the exercises and wound up meeting her partner in the fall. She called the book "life changing". What's funny is that I hadn't fully read it yet myself! Well, I just did, and I agree with her. It is life changing. Regardless of your relationship status, every woman needs to love herself if she's ever going to be the best partner to her man.

As a relationship coach, I often see singles seek a man to fill a void in their life which leads to constant heartache or settling for less. Christine says it all in the title, you have to take care of yourself first before you can have a lasting relationship. I adore Christine's work and highly recommend it to all women to embrace their awesomeness.

This book is so useful, and such a worthwhile read, that I have given it to my sisters and my best girlfriends. Christine Arylo offers so much of herself and her own story that she really brings these principles alive and makes them accessible and relatable.

This really is a guidebook to loving and defining oneself - and thereby becoming a much stronger partner in life and love.

Christine's courage, warmth, and strength shines through every word of this book. This is like having the calming voice of your very best girlfriend with you-- the one whose reassuring voice calms your little (and big) moments of doubt. But it's even better than that, because Christine's insights into the issues of dating and mating are rock solid, and incredibly empowering and inspiring. I highly recommend this book.

Haven't finished this yet, but am loving the journey and just bought another copy for a friend! There are some areas that might not appeal, but you just use what's helpful to you and your exploration is what you make of it!

I highly recommend this book to anyone in a serious relationship or even for a mother to give to her 20+ year old daughter. I only wish that I would have had this book before I got married! Trust your instinct! Christine Arlyo provides you with some very insightful thoughts about trusting and honoring yourself first! There are many practical tips and questions that you can ask yourself that will empower you to not settle for less!

This book is an excellent tool for getting clear on your hopes, values, attitudes and intentions, first for YOURSELF and then for a relationship. Poignant, well-written and to the point, this book offers insight and tools that will lead to deep reflection and powerful inspiration!

After going through a big break up AGAIN...I bought this book from a friend's recommendation, and I read this all in one day. Very honest messages that you need to hear and take in. Great book for all women in any relationship.

This book was disappointing to read. I was expecting wise, feminine counsel on the best way to manage being a complete and vibrant woman while also being part of a couple, however, the book espoused alot of reality TV 21st century values that seemed selfish and lacked depth or moral compass. The book treated relationships as though sleeping around, hooking up and shacking up were perfectly acceptable ways to find love or figure out if you are in love. It also treated marriage as something dispensable and featured several victorious "testimonies" of women who got married (some who even had children) but didn't feel "fulfilled" in their marriages and made the decision to divorce, as though that is a perfectly good reason for breaking up a home. The solemn vows of marriage are no match for this book as no distinction is made between husband or boyfriend - basically if he is not meeting your needs then you can call it quits and be free to find someone else who will. The subjects seemed disjointed and the writer continuously referred back to her own ex-boyfriend and the failed relationships of her friends with too much repetition. I tried to wade through to find some nuggets of wisdom to pull it all together but I just couldn't.

If you are looking for sound and wise advice on love, relationships, healthy compromise, marrying well, integrity, promise keeping, etc... I wouldn't buy this book.