Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction

Maybe this book is good for people who are actually planning on entering a 12-step program, but as someone who read it just out of general interest, I found it to be incredibly repetitive, and felt the entire book could have been shrunk down to a 25 page booklet, including all the checklists and tables. There was very little actual material in the book, and it seemed every other chapter was a direct repeat of the previous chapter.

It wasn't so bad as to not want to finish it (it took me about 2 hours to read it cover to cover over 2 days), but I will most likely be donating this book to our local library the next time I visit there as I won't be reading it again. There are probably better books out that address this condition than this one.

I expected more out of this book.Although packed with information,I found it overwhelming and discouraging for those who might pick it up to find hope. It was like reading a newspaper with nothing but bad news.The author needed to spend some time and chapters on recovery and focus on that.It was a good opener, but needed to uplift the reader in more ways.

This is a very good book that completely tackles the issue of sex addiction. It is very specific when dealing with the effects of this horrible affliction. It breaks down the different "categories" of sex addicts. It also shows how each one affects the person, the family, the career of the addicted, and the financial stability of the addicted as well. Very interesting and at the same time, very non judgmental, which is extremely hard to do when dealing with this subject.

If you are a psychotherapist and you work with sexually addicted populations, get this book.
If you think you might be sexually addicted, buy this book. It's an easy read. It might change your life.
If you are in a relationship with someone who you think might be sexually addicted, buy this book. It can help you understand, and get support for yourself.

This book has extensive knowledge in the field of sexual addiction. It displays the root of the addict's dilemma. In doing all of this it offers hope to those who are struggling. I highly suggest this book for individuals as well as small groups that are confronting such issues.

This book has allowed me to see myself outside of myself and to see _why_ I have done some of the things I've done in the past. I'm still finishing it up and will be ordering other related books to this subject by this author. Thanks for the much needed help!

Helpful reading and guidance in a new world where human sexuality is being warped by cybersex. Ways of countering this unbalanced addiction to sexual stimulation is also available through technology. A classic book like out of the shadows is not available in a random book shops. But, with kindle's vast library it is available and can be bought discreetly. The internet can be used to fuel an addiction but this technology is a double edged sword that can be harnessed for good purposes like being able to read a book written by the authority on sexual addiction. A possible marriage saver when you are lost in a world of secret/solo internet sex stimulation and social anxiety.

I found the book very helpful for understanding sexual addiction. It explains the deep inner workings which is not often dealt with in other treatments. It makes those inner workings very clear. It doesn't provide a solution for addicts but the first step is begins with acceptance and understanding of the addiction. Many of the examples are graphic which is important to be aware of.

Highly recommended for anyone who suspects or is determined to be a sex addict. It's the Twelve Step program previously reserved for alcoholism modified and adapted to sexual addiction. Eye opening and resourceful for identification, treatment and ongoing recovery.

Stopping sexual addiction is just as hard to face, and just as pernicious and painful to overcome, as opiate drug addiction. After some other research I learned that the brain pathways that reinforce the craving for opiates are the same brain pathways that reinforce continued sexual addiction drives. Keep in mind with this book that there are many different types of sexual additions (more than I ever realized), so many of the sex addictions covered in this book might not apply to you. I recommend that this book be used along with Patrick J. Carnes' "A Gentle Path through the Twelve Steps." as well. You will need support and help from others, so use this book with a therapist or self help group.

Patrick Carnes, considered one of the pre-eminent researcher in the area of sexual addiction, has written a most challenging yet readable [for the layperson] book to help those of us facing the destructive issue of sexual addiction. If you are facing issues of lust, use of pornographic materials which are impacting your marriage or relationship, Carnes' book is worth the time to read. This is not an easily read book when facing up to this addictive life style.

For those willing to go the additional mile the compansion workbook, "Facing the Shadow", also by Carnes will be equally worth your time and energy.

This book is very informative about SEVERE SEXUAL ADDICTION!! Not for mild cases. was way too much more than i wanted to know. i would only recomend it if you are dealing with rape, child molestation, or other severe cases. not for the mild porn, etc....

This book is very informative about SEVERE SEXUAL ADDICTION!! Not for mild cases. was way too much more than i wanted to know. i would only recomend it if you are dealing with rape, child molestation, or other severe cases. not for the mild porn, etc....

I recently entered therapy to address what I'd self describe as a minor-to-moderate lack of control over my lust in a way that conflicted with my daily life. While I do acknowledge that the psychological nature of my lust is problematic (hence why I voluntarily opted for therapy), I'm also very aware that there are much more severe cases of the issue that people deal with, leading to more extreme situations. After my initial intake, the therapist I was seeing immediately recommended that I purchase and read this book (along with another title by Carnes as well). Trusting the therapist's advice with an open mind, I did as he suggested and delved into the reading.

Within the first few pages, I took note that the reading/comprehension level of this book is fairly low. This could be considered a positive in terms of accessibility for a diverse audience. If this was Carnes' intent (accessibility), it would be understandable and mostly worth overlooking. However, as I got further into the book, I began to question whether it was in actuality a symptom of Carnes' lack of legitimacy as a genuine scholar on the subject. The majority of the book is seemingly just generic (borrowed?) theories on any generalized addiction along with some elementary logical conjecture thrown in. There's very little unique psychological insight that one couldn't gather from five minutes of any kind of introspection or average therapy session. The only redeemable factor--perhaps the strongest aspect of this book--was Carnes' diversions into generalized case studies. However, being mostly case studies of extreme scenarios, this mostly just made me feel like my issue wasn't really that bad, which didn't feel very productive.

Finally, even if you could brush all that aside and still retain some other positive take aways from the book, it gets to the point of being laughable when you get to Carnes' coup de grâce solution for sexual addiction: The Alcoholics Anonymous 12-step program (yes, almost exactly word for word). If you're not already familiar with it, let's just say the 12-step program would be a real struggle to an Atheist and a stretch (at best) for any kind of non-religious/Agnostic type. But even if you buy into the entire concept and it works for you (which would be great), you don't need to read this book at all to find out how to do it. Just do a Google search for the AA 12-step program, apply it to your sexual addiction using common reasoning and logic, and you've saved yourself the time, trouble, and money of reading Carnes' rehashed interpretations.

Conclusion: This book wasn't for me, clearly--and I can't imagine it would be for anybody with a less-than-severe case of sexual addiction or an ability to think critically for themselves. With all that said, it did still offer a few positives. Most notably, it gave me a slightly better scope of my issues by putting them in some perspective, for better or worse. However, there's a variety of ways this can be achieved without this book--therapy, talking with family or friends, support groups, discussion forums, etc. To each their own, though, and good luck to all. It's all about perspective.

Update: I'm only 30 pages through George N. Collin's "Breaking the Cycle" and it already blows Carnes' book out of the water. Collin's writing is more intelligent, more authentic, and he offers real solutions and exercises that he formulated himself (and no AA rehashing). Highly recommended, it has helped me leaps and bounds more than Out of the Shadows began to touch on.

Horrible Book! If you're looking for something to help you overcome addiction to things like porn then this is not it! I provides little to no help but is instead filled with little more then dozens of descriptions of sexual acts, all of them the most extreme. It may even create new problems with its descriptions. It marginalizes the most common sex addictions as being "not too bad" or not even an addiction at all. It even goes so far as to say masturbation is good and healthy as long as it's not done several hours a day and that the only reason people feel quilt is because of their parents saying its wrong. It places all blame on the family of the addict, especially his/her parents and spouse. It holds the addict 100% guiltless for anything he/she has ever done. The only "help" it offers spouses of addicts is to say that they are making it worse by trying to help. The only "help" it gives addicts is a 12 step program that is EXACTLY like alcoholics anonymous which is kind of funny since it is based almost entirely on God but that is the only chapter in the book that even mentions Him. Do yourself a favor and stay FAR away from this sludge pit of smut.

Though this book provides deep insight into the addictive cycle of the sexual addict, the knowledge provided is not, and never will be enough to break the chains of addiction. Christ alone can deliver. What I have read so far spoke to my mind, not my spirit, and it is that spiritual connection with God that I need. I also found that many of the stories actually incited lust within me. They were to illicit and descriptive for me. Which is obviously destructive to my sobriety. I would strongly recommend "He Restoreth My Soul", by Donald Hilton. I have read it twice, and it has lifted me up every time I have read the words it contains. Dr. Hilton takes some of Dr. Carnes work and helps you use the knowledge to make the needed spiritual connection with God.

The book was very informative and gave me insight and sympathy I was struggling with.

For those who read this and are facing sex addiction all I can tell you is time does help with the pain and suffering.

Listen to this book as many times as you need to. I am sorry to all who have to bear this burden.

As a clinician familiar with competing theories of addiction and a decade of experience treating people with various disorders including addictions, I found this book very disappointing. The authors tone and language was very off-putting. On addiction, the author states "the progressive insanity...begins with the delusional thought processes that are rooted in the addicts belief system.". Will sufferers appreciate being told they are insane and delusional? When discussing the world of sexual addicts, he cites almost every possible influence on behavior (low self-esteem, poor role models, dysfunctional core beliefs, abusive parents) and every possible consequence (loss of job, strained relationships, alcoholism etc.). What's missing is what clinicians call explanatory power. In other words, how might some of the causes (say, poor male-gender role models) result in the acquisition and maintenance of sexual addiction. Carnes offers no useful causal theories.

Statistics are thrown around but we are referred to other books he has written in the references section! I doubt these are the primary source. When discussing what makes humans sexually aroused, the author talks about 3 neural pathways in the brain in a way that implies scientific fact. In truth, he is referring to the work of Helen Fisher whose conclusions were drawn from the mating habits and brains of mice! Throughout, Carnes throws out conjecture as fact and I have a problem with that, especially given the audience of this book are likely to be non-academics trusting the statements. The book is misleading by the ommision of phrases like 'possible' and 'contributes to'.

An entire chapter is devoted to coaddicts. These poor souls are pathologized beyond belief in Carnes' damning descriptions of their dysfunctional beliefs, abusive history and manipulative tactics. I suspect a lot of partners will be alienated and miss a golden opportunity to understand how some of their well-intended actions (e.g. to monitor their partner and reward perceived progress) might come across as manipulative. Throughout the book, the author fails to connect good ideas to the majority, instead he focuses on the extremes. By extremes, I mean individuals who hide in closets to watch occupants undress and get sexual with farm animals.

To heal all these deep-rooted problems, Carnes advice is pretty much covered in the final 2 dozen pages which detail how each of the Sex Addicts dysfunctional beliefs will be invalidated by attending a 12-step Recovery Program. He suggests 12-step programs "do not prescribe a religion" p 173, neverthelesss we must: "Turn our lives and our Will over to the care of God" p171! 12-Step programs can be helpful but given the feedback I have received from clients in large cities, certain 12-step groups become notorious for illegal activity. Thus I am wary of such blind endorsement, despite the good intentions of the vast majority of attendees. Furthermore, 12-step has an incredibly high failure rate. As such, Carnes does rightly point out that 12-step meetings should not replace therapy, but support it. On that I agree.

In summary, this book delivers just one theory for severe sexual addiction in a rigid and unweilding tone. Partners are at risk of being misunderstood and demonized. This book will not provide a roadmap for recovery and fails to relate to the majority of people who compulsively turn to unhealthy sexual outlets. I would not recommend this title to clients, clinicians, partners nor interested laypersons. Each group deserves better.

Patrick Carnes is a recognized authority an sexual addiction and has a very clear, direct and writing style. He has a deep understanding of his topic and he conveys it in easy to understand language without any judgmental overtones.

This specific book is intended primarily for people who are addicts or suspect they have some problems in this area. As such, it contains a lot of case histories, first person quotes and a simple approach that describes the basics underlying sex addiction. The role of shame and guilt in the addictive cycle as experienced by the person caught in the cycle sexual addiction is covered in-depth. In addition, the role of sexual addiction as a maladaptive survival strategy in response to core wounds is developed at length.

In my opinion, this is an excellent resource for people in recovery. However, one of his other books CONTRARY TO LOVE seems to be more useful for helping professionals. While this book lacks some of the detailed accounts of OUT OF THE SHADOWS it goes into much greater detail on the systems dynamics i.e. role of family, culture, etc. It is more comprehensive, but a more difficult and less personal treatment of Carnes' ideas. However, this book will also be useful to people who are further along in recovery.

Patrick Carnes has written many excellent books in this area. However, Charlotte Kasl is also an author who I feel compliments Patrick Carnes' approach. The book WOMEN, SEX and ADDICTION is particularly good and even if you are not a woman, you will find it a useful resource for understaning sexual addiction and co-dependence in general.

Patrick Carnes is a fan of Twelve Step Programs and he argues convincingly for this approach in combination with therapy. Overall, he comes across as optimistic, encouraging, empathetic and practical. Much of his work has been with men, but based on my knowledge he has a deep understanding of sexual addiction and co-dependency in general.

Patrick Carnes has also written many other books on related topics such as pornography addiction, online sex addictions and breaking free from addictive or co-dependent relationships. The BETRAYAL BOND is an example of a book on this latter topic. All of his stuff is good, but various books have a different tone because of the different audiences addressed and where Carnes' was at in his thinking at the time that he wrote them. I honestly prefer CONTRARY TO LOVE to this book, but that is because I am a psychology professional and not someone looking for more detail from the inside.