From the boardroom to the bedroom and beyond-and what to do about it

Having attended cloud & Townsend's Ultimate Leadership intensive I can say this book unpacks one of the most lasting principles I heard, "Nothing is learned outside the context of relationship." Great read; difficult application!

I think I highlighted more than half of this book! Our lives review love around our relationships with those around us - the quality of those relationships makes the difference between our failures and our successes. Read it! Let the truths here sink in. I plan to go back to this book again!

In the previous writings of Dr. Cloud found him to be well informed, clear, his information easily understood and relatable to a wide audience (from “regular Joes/Joses” to credentialed professionals), deeply researched and precise in his focus. When I saw this book newly available, I was enticed by the promise those earlier writings made. This book of insight into successful, mostly business, relationships continues to reveal that he continues to utilize some of those previous traits. However, between his earlier proffering’s and this volume he has lost some of the humility that made him so approachable in his earlier work(s).
The author’s premise, one I have found to be well founded, is no one succeeds in a vacuum or as a “solo” act. Everyone is influenced, for good or ill, by the relationships which one develops and in which she/he functions. The give and take found in connecting with another helps to define the Self of the individuals involved as it deepens the connection of the relationship.
Dr. Cloud has distilled relationship(s) into levels of “effectiveness” which can lead to a more successful life/business/friendship into four (4) categories. He describes those divisions as corners, as in “the people in your corner.”

Corner #1: Disconnected – those relationships wherein the individuals are unable to make real emotional investment in others. They are either takers or givers, but unable to do both.

Corner #2: Bad Connection – “a connection, preoccupation, or pull toward a person who has the effect of making (one) feel bad or ‘not good enough’ in some way. Inferior.” (p.40). Think of those folk who feel they can only look good when others look bad.

Corner #3: The seductively false “Good Connection” – whereas a Corner #2 relationship leaves (one) feeling “bad,” the Corner #3 connection is the opposite – they make one feel good but at the expense of truth-telling and ignoring those things that need to be spoke to or changed.

Corner #4: The Real Thing – a relationship in which one “can be (one’s) whole self, the real, authentic ‘You;’ a relationship to which you can bring your heart, mind soul and passion.” (p. 52). In this relationship both individuals own their needs/strengths and seek to help each other achieve their best.

The majority of the book is a discussion of Corner #4 – how they work best, how one assesses their “success” for and in them and how to manage them. Surprisingly, the author cites few research sources for his assertions or outcomes beyond his own experience. This is a shock given his training and history as a scientist (he has a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology).
The ego-centricity Dr. Cloud presents in this work was a large detractor for the possible benefits of the information held within the pages of this book. His frequent references to himself and his previous books seemed to be a lazy way of trying to sell more books and to not do the research he did (or did not do) to reach the conclusions presented here. It is a good book to help one envision relationship(s) from a new perspective, but the original content contained in it is scarce.

Helpful and powerful book. I would argue however that the purpose of corner door relationships is not to achieve the highest potential possible, but rather to achieve the task set aside for us by Christ: to love others. I believe the fact that people happen to perform better when experiencing a true loving connection is simply a blessing and result of obedience to loving others as God commanded.

There is a lot of circling, underlining and highlighting in my copy of this book, scribbled notes in the margin as I reached multiple A-ha moments. In Power of the Other by Dr. Henry Cloud, there are many insights that affirm notions that I have felt, but have not had the courage or confidence to act upon, and Dr. Cloud backs up many of his assertions with simplified neuro-science and much anecdotal evidence that we can all relate to.

Cloud focuses a lot on work and business relationships, but we can equally apply every concept to family relationships and friendships. He examines 4 corners of relationships, and helps you determine where yours fit, and how they impact your brain, mind and heart—emotionally and physically.

You know how I know this book works? Because it was the “other” that had the “power” to lift my hope and spirit, to help me recognize which relationships are positive Corner 4 relationships and how I can be a Corner 4 friend, parent and boss. It has encouraged me to recognize the great things in many of my relationships, and to realize which ones are worthy of my time and energy, and which ones I might need to shield myself from, or confront with honest integrity. Some of his anecdotes from working within successful businesses have provided me with great ideas that I can incorporate in my own business with our core values, and within our team interactions, while his honest reflections of a past failing business teach us all about the great opportunities we could have if we would just shift how we view those failures.

While we may know some of this intellectually, Dr. Cloud’s stories and psychology seal it with defined purpose and action, helping us to not just see how our behavior changes our lives, but how everyone’s behavior and words have tremendous power to lift other people far beyond what they can do alone.

I received an advanced copy of this book for honest review, and look forward to watching the webcast next week on his website!

Very few have competed in a heavyweight boxing championship bout but almost everyone understands what Dempsey means. There are times when many of us are convinced that we cannot keep going. We lack the energy and/or the will to continue. Then somehow, perhaps for reasons we will never fully understand, we hang in there and stay the course, whatever it may be. The title of this book refers to a specific situation in which Henry Cloud's brother Mark, a Marine who was later killed in Iraq, stood on the shore cheering on a SEAL candidate ' Bryce ' who was struggling to complete the final test of endurance.

'He could see his dreams sinking with him, about to be over. What must it have felt like, to have gone through everything he had gone through to make it up to the very end? I am sure that the lights were going out in his heart, as his body would go no further. Until'.' Then he saw Mark Cloud give him a huge fist pump and a yell, signaling to Bryce that 'he could do it.' Their eyes locked for a few seconds'.' What happened next enabled him to make it. He finished the course. He passed the final test. He would be a SEAL. 'That is 'the power of the other.''

Cloud's thesis is that "there is a 'neglected truth' about a relationship: 'the invisible attributes of relationship, the [begin bold face/italics] connection [end bold face/italics] between people, have real, tangible, and measurable power.' And the need for connection begins even before birth. 'It goes literally from the womb to the tomb. Relationship affects our physical and mental functioning throughout life. This invisible power, the power of other, builds both the hardware and the software that leads to healthy functioning and better performance.'"

Cloud explains what I have suspected for many years: Much (if not most) of what we achieve would not have been possible if other people had not been involved in one way or another. In this context, Cloud observes, 'The undeniable reality is that how well you do in life and in business depends not only on what you do but also on who is doing it [begin italics] with [end italics] or [begin italics] to [end italics] you.'"

I really do not want to say more about the material in this book because I assume that reading it will be for most others, as it was for me, a journey of personal journey from much of what had become a forgotten past through a carelessly examined or ignored present to an increased understanding and ' yes ' appreciation of the potential power of others in my life but also the potential power I could have in others' lives.

Those who share my high regard for this book are urged to check out The Path: What Chinese Philosophers Can Teach Us About the Good Life, co-authored by Michael Puett and Christine Gross-Loh and published by Simon & Schuster (2016).

The Power of the Other, by Henry Cloud is powerful and helpful book on many levels. It goes beyond Dr. Cloud's work on boundaries and how they help shape all of our relationships to make them healthier and more life-giving. In The Power of the Other, Dr. Cloud builds on recent research in psychology and physiology to demonstrate the power of the other in one's life. It is there. It is verifiable. He draws on the work of Daniel Siegel of UCLA concerning "the triangle of well-being." That triangle includes the clinical arena: how we feel, think, and behave; the relational arena: how we relate to others; and the performance arena: how we perform and what we achieve. The research comes to life through stories, examples, powerful narratives.

This book is helpful in almost all areas one's life; from family and marriage, to work and play; to friendships and personal health. I serve as a coach to a number of people and I found The Power of the Other to have new insights that helped me understand more fully how and why coaching makes a difference in the life of the person being coached as well as in the coach. Coaching is a powerful way to be a "corner four" person to another person as you listen; employ silence; ask powerful questions; and ultimately come along the person being coached as she or he determines what they will do and when. That is the power of coaching, the power of the other, at work. I experience "The Power of the Other" regularly with my coach.

This is just one example of the many areas of our relationships that are better understood and more fruitfully engaged that come to life in this book. I highly recommend it.

This should be a "verified purchase," but it was a gift from my husband, so it didn't go through MY account. I was not compensated in any way for this review. I wrote it, because I loved it!

Have you ever wondered if your success in life is dependent on you alone? If your own grit, drive, and tenacity are the chief contributing factors to achieving your life’s dreams?

According to Dr. Henry Cloud, success in your career and your personal life will never be determined solely by what you do, regardless of your level of commitment or your work ethic. Why? Because, unless you are Mark Watney, alone on Mars, you live in community with others. And, believe it or not, your friendships are already having a dramatic impact on how successful you will be at reaching your full potential and accomplishing your goals.

I just finished reading The Power of the Other, the latest book by best-selling author and world-renowned psychologist, Dr. Henry Cloud. In this enlightening book about “the startling effect other people have on you…and what to do about it,” Cloud draws a clear distinction between four different types of relationships—three dysfunctional, one healthy— placing each one in its own corner, extrapolating the ways they contribute to, hinder, or possibly halt our personal achievements and overall success in life.

Each “Corner” is defined according to the level of connection we have the person. These levels of connection are based on how we feel during and after interaction with the person (valued vs. diminished; condemned vs. accepted; authentic vs. fake; and so on) and how this person’s influence directly impacts our ability to move forward in life.

As we begin to sort our relationships into four corners, based on the objective criteria Cloud presents, we learn that the healthiest and most authentic relationships exist only in Corner Four where there is emotional support, wisdom, community, truth, reality-based feedback, and caring communication. Corner Four relationships are the key to our success and a significant part of the foundation of a fulfilled life.

According to Cloud, "What makes Corner Four relationships so powerful is that they don’t end even after they end. The lessons we learn, the phrases that motivate us, are ours to keep forever."

This is an excellent book filled with practical information to assist you in re-aligning your relationships (1) to invest in and benefit from the healthy ones while (2) setting boundaries with or ending dysfunctional ones. I highly recommend this book.

The Power of the Other: The startling effect other people have on you, from the boardroom to the bedroom and beyond-and what to do about it

Our connection with others has a real, tangible and measurable power for good or for bad...we all need relationships in order to grow and we can learn how to be master at handling and/or allowing that power into our lives -- or not.

Dr. Cloud shows us the process of learning how to harness The Power of the Other by explaining the Four Corners of connections.
And shows us also how Not all connections are the "best".

Corner One - you're isolated with no personal growth, introversion, no connections - all alone in the world.

Corner Two - you feel bad when you're with Corner Two people also possibly fearing disapproval or displeasing them.

Corner Three - being with them is more addicting than nourishing and requires you to be inauthentic or to lose yourself in them.

Corner Four - Corner Four people are With you and For you...it's an authentic place filled with strength, support, freedom, and trust. You will learn how to grow through experiencing the hard stuff of life and working through it as you face it together.

In this book Dr. Cloud shows how to surround yourself with healthy energy that Corner Four people can bring to our lives. "People give energy and they take it away - know the difference and plan accordingly." (Page 81)

This book also shows how to commit to making our Corner Four relationships an investment (page 180) and how to start growing and living our best in connection with The Power of the Other.

Leaders often say, “It’s lonely at the top.” That’s true, of course—at least to an extent—
but it’s also tragic. Leadership doesn’t have to be lonely.

In fact, as Dr. Henry Cloud argues in The Power of the Other, success depends on relationship. “The undeniable reality,” he writes, “is that how well you do in life and in business depends not only on what you do and how you do it, your skills and competencies, but also on who is doing it with you or to you” (emphasis in original).

But not just any relationship! What leaders need is “specific qualitiative relational connectedness” (emphasis in original). This is what Cloud calls “True Connection” or “Corner Four relationship.”

In Corner One relationships, leaders feel “disconnected.” He writes: “True connection always means being emotionally and functionally invested in other people, in a give-and-receive dynamic. Disconnection lacks something, in one direction or the other—either in the giving or the receiving. Truly connected people do both. They are emotionally present and able to give and to receive.”

In Corner Two relationships, leaders have “a bad connection.” They experience a “connection, preoccupation, or pull toward a person who has the effect of making you feel bad or ‘not good enough’ in some way” (emphasis in original). Think of a son trying to gain the respect of a hypercritical dad or an employee trying to please a boss who rarely praises employees.

In Corner Three relationships, leaders form a “seductively false ‘good connection.’” In this corner, leaders gravitate toward relationships that make them feel good. They cultivate people who flatter and praise them but overlook people in the organization who bear bad news. People in high-stress jobs who live in Corner Three often find themselves engaging in extramarital affairs or using addictive substances to maintain an artificial “high.”

None of these corners is a good place to be. Leaders need to go to Corner Four. Here, leaders form a “real connection” with others, “one in which you can be your whole self, the real, authentic you, a relationship to which you can bring your heart, mind, soul, and passion. Both parties to the relationship are wholly present, known, understood, and mutually invested. What each truly thinks, feels, believes, fears, and needs can be shared safely.”

In contemporary parlance, authenticity is often interpreted in non-relational terms. “I gotta be me!” people exclaim. The problem is that this understanding of authenticity is individualistic, not relational. “I gotta be me” is often used to slough off or criticize the counsel others are trying to give us. That’s not what Corner Four looks like.

Instead, Cloud identifies eight characteristics of Corner Four relationships. True connection:

• fuels,
• gives freedom,
• requires responsibility,
• defangs failure,
• challenges and pushes,
• builds structure,
• unites instead of divides,
• and is trustworthy.

When we truly connect with others, they help us draw out the full potential of who we really are and what we can truly be. Relationship makes authenticity possible.

Cloud opens the book with a story that I’ll close with. It’s about “Hell Week,” the final week of training for Navy SEALs. That week is “a grueling exercise requiring the utmost physical and mental endurance, pushing these already-at-the-top specimens to their absolute limits.” Cloud’s brother-in-law Mark was a Navy SEAL who was later killed in Iraq. In the days after Mark’s death, Bryce, one of Mark’s fellow SEALs told, how he almost failed “Hell Week.”

He was swimming in the cold Pacific Ocean after a week of grueling training. A way from the shore, he “hit the wall.” Cloud comments, “He tried to will himself to keep going, but his body would not obey.” It was at that moment that Bryce looked up and saw Mark, who had already reached land. Mark caught his eye, gave him a fist pump, and yelled an encouraging, “You can do it!” And that was all Bryce needed. “His body jumped into another gear,” Cloud writes, “into another dimension of performance that he had not had access to before…That is the ‘power of the other.’”

To be one’s true self, to reach one’s full potential—whether as a leader, a spouse, a parent, or whatever—you and I need others. Authenticity requires relationship. That’s what The Power of the Other is all about.

I recommend the book highly.

I identify completely and have been waiting and hoping for someone to put words to all these things I've felt like I've "known" for my whole life. I'm living proof that Henry Cloud's findings/conclusions in this book are right:

“Human performance, your performance, has its limits. Or does it?” From the very first sentence, Dr. Henry Cloud’s new book, “The Power Of The Other,” strikes a chord of hopefulness, familiarity, and truth that I’ve “known” all along! I’ve always thought that I could achieve more than even I can imagine – if only someone else would believe in me. In fact, people have been sharing the sentiments about the power of belief for a very long time. Not only does the power of belief work when you believe in yourself, but there is a whole other untapped level to this power when a person has others believe in him or her as well! I’ve said it hundreds of times over my life, but this is the first time I’ve ever heard anyone else confirm it: If only someone, anyone, would believe in me, help me, something, then I could do outstanding, amazing things!

Gave this book 4 stars because it has convicted me and that hurts, so i'm keeping 1 star. Trying to make it in life with certain people that are like a gardening hoe, everything for them and just taking has gotten me nowhere. So glad to have read a book that shows that we need others and the outcome of life, relationships, business whether good or bad is dependant on what kind of people are in my life. This book came at the right time for me, God is working in me so i can see my faults and I am now ok to accept that i have been very prideful. In order for me to get to the next level I need more people in corner 4. Why corner 4? To motivate, correct, and chisel me and vise versa. A clearer way to see the old saying "tell me who you hang out with and i'll tell you who you are" but better. A must read!!!

Another great book from Dr Cloud. After have read thee ever so successful and popular Boundaries, you still might be thinking, so how do I end up with no friends, the wrong friends, love relationships or marriage. Possibly as well in your business partners. Why does it seem that some one has a similar idea and just becomes successful overnight and you have to push your idea and product forward and nothing major happens......this book is for you. Dr. Cloud explains that is comes to 4 different corners in our life and where we choose to reside and feed our relationships. The way your perceive yourself, your value towards other, but also your business idea and approach.
This book is for you, hence it's for anyone that want to evaluate self and your relationships and see how you can even improve the successful ones you have.

Dr Henry Cloud has done it again with a fantastic new book, "The Power of the Other".
Self help is a misnomer. We cannot really help ourselves without the help of others. We were created for relationships; we have choice of the quality of those relationships. However, we need to carefully choose what kind people to hang out with and who we are letting influence us. He says it this way, " ...your brain ...has to be plugged in to a good network...".

In this book he describes Four Corners of types of relationships.
Corner One is more solitary, usually disconnected from other people and depends on himself alone.
Corner Two is a bad connection with negative feelings of blame, shame, guilt, and feeling badly about herself.
Corner Three is an endorphin high, feel good type of relationship, frequently with addictive behavior of various types.
Corner Four is real, authentic, open, honest relationships, where you can really be yourself without fear of rejection or saying the wrong thing. (This is where I want to hang out.)

Every relationship has some kind of energy. Being aware of what kind of energy is a first step in managing the energy sources around you. This makes a difference in your performance and whether you reach your goals. Dr Henry Cloud gives many examples to help us understand his points and inspire us how to evaluate and choose other Corner Four people to be in our lives.

Dr Cloud writes in an easy to read style, very down to earth in his explanations. Very practical in his application with many examples from his own life. I feel like with his authenticity I have a new friend.
I've always been a fan of Dr. Henry Cloud. I heard him live at a Women of Faith pre-conference. I listened to him for many years on the New Life Live radio show. He has much wisdom and practical application to share with us. If we will listen to and incorporate his insights into our own lives, we will become a part of the village that thrives in Corner Four relationships.

I received a complimentary copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
It's terrific!

Ever wonder why certain people you have worked with have sabotaged a team? Do you think you've just been unlucky in love or unlucky in business or employment? Think again. Get ready to truly understand how people affect you, your health and your performance. Buy this book because there are many leadership self-help books out there that are motivational, but they don't share truth and wisdom that uncover the shocking reality of many relationships. You must deal with all types of people and even if you prefer your dogs over people, this book will enlighten you. It might even show you why you've made mistakes with people in the past. It clearly defines four types of relationships with others and their communication patterns. This is key to all relationships in life. I've read this twice since receiving it and if you've ever suffered from depression, after you read this, you will understand how leadership roles can contribute to burnout, depression, etc. There is much more value to this book than its monetary cost! Buy two, one to keep and one to share with someone you care about.

The Power of the Other: The startling effect other people have on you, from the boardroom to the bedroom and beyond-and what to do about it

Dr. Henry Cloud begins his new book 'The Power of the Other' with a powerful account that immediately drew me in. A man is training to become a Navy SEAL is on his last test--a grueling endurance swim in the ocean...and his strength fails him. He has nothing left and is just about to signal he is giving up...all his years of training, the sacrifice, his dream of being a SEAL has disappeared. Suddenly he sees his friend standing on the shore ahead. His friend has completed the swim and is officially a Navy SEAL. The man on the shore yells and pumps his fist to let the man in the water know "he could do it". The man in the water would later describe what happened saying that as their "eyes locked...something happened. Something beyond him. His body jumped into another gear, into another dimension of performance that he had not had access to before". He was able to finish and became a Navy SEAL. This is what Dr. Cloud call "the Power of the Other".

This book resonates deep in me both in positive and negative ways. The negative is not for any of the content, but because through my family of origin I experienced the negative power of the capital "O" Other. As someone who also has given "the Other" much power in my life, I see how I was "either diminished or improved by the other people in my scenario". Dr. Cloud relates several of his own life experiences with failures and how the situations played out based on the people he was connected to.

I experienced many moments of recognition as Dr. Cloud described the people we find in his 4 Corner Model:
1 - Disconnected, No Connection
2 - The Bad Connection
3 - The Pseudo-Good Connection
4 - True Connection

Sometimes we think others don't have a lot of power over us at all but in reading the following quote I remembered so many past situations where others were saboteurs or saviours...

"How many times have you seen the power of others get in the way? How many times have you seen one person ruin the atmosphere or culture of a team, a circle of friends, or a family? And how many times have you seen a situation, or your life, get turned around because the right person showed up? Other people play a role at every step. They influence you as much as you influence them."

I remember so clearly some of these painful situations in family gatherings where there was no accountability for personal behaviour and the gatherings were disrupted for years because there were no consequences. The disruptive person has no limits put on their behaviour so they have no motivation or reason to stop.

I have never highlighted a book the way I have this one--even a whole chapter!

Dr. Cloud shares one of his favourite formulas
" Freedom = Responsibility = Love " in a moving account of a heartfelt formal talk he had with his two daughters as they became teenagers. I will be sharing this with my adult daughter for down the road when my grandson reaches this age. Self-control and personal responsibility are discussed and his fatherly goal is that his daughters know his loving lessons and messages so well that they are internalized thus governing behaviour and choices when they are on their own without him. It is truly wisdom.

It is clear that no personal growth or change can happen in a vacuum or isolation. Relationship, genuine authentic relationship is where we grow and transform.

"True connection always means being emotionally and functionally invested in other people, in a give-and-receive dynamic. Disconnection lacks something, in one direction or the other--either in the giving or the receiving. Truly connected people do both. They are emotionally present and able to give and to receive".

The Power of the Other is a book that would benefit any reader. So much great content. The idea that another person has a real impact on us, on our behaviour is profound and revolutionary in its simplicity. Dr. Cloud's research and how he explains the neuroscience is helpful and clear.

I am recommending this book to everyone I know. My adult children, friends, work colleagues and church friends. I have read and studied much of Dr. Cloud's other books and materials and they have transformed my life. Most influential was his book with Dr. John Townsend "Boundaries" -- I keep several copies to give away as my life has not been the same since I read it and saw the video series. I can already see that I will have extra copies of "The Power of the Other" on my shelf to gift to others as well.

Advance copy for review courtesy of Edelweiss Book Distributors.

Insightful. Intuitive. Informational. Influential.

Powerful.

Want to change your life? Want to improve your relationships? Want successful, life-giving relationships rather than those that drain you?

Surround yourself with more “Four Corner” relationships to put you on the path to success. THE PEOPLE YOU ARE IN CONTACT WITH MATTER MORE THAN YOU THINK! Our connections have a significant impact on us – emotionally, mentally, socially, and professionally.

In this thought-provoking work, The Power of the Other delivers the level of quality work we’ve come to expect from well-known expert, Dr. Henry Cloud. I loved this book because not only is the information extremely helpful in evaluating the relationships in our lives, the questions articulated in the manuscript are invaluable in aiding the reader in self-discovery, evaluating, internalizing, and implementing the principles presented.

Although the ending summary lacked some of the full impact I was hoping for (not quite as strong), the book provides excellent value and many “Aha” moments, offering information and insight you would normally pay thousands for in professional services. I’m confident that by applying what you learn in this book, you will improve your life.

Don’t miss out on the piece of the puzzle that is crucial to your success – the power of the other. It may be your missing link to success you've been searching for in many areas of your life.

This book is full of wisdom!

Dr. Cloud shares easy-to-understand (if not somewhat challenging to do!) concepts for maximizing success. These ideas and methods can be applied to any area of life.

Relationships are key and he breaks down exactly what must be present for a healthy relationship to flourish and why those healthy relationships are so crucial to success and fulfillment. The terminology he uses to define the four types of relationships helped me clearly identify the areas in my life that need attention. I'm inspired to collect more "corner four" relationships!

This is an amazing book that truly makes you realize the impact our relationships have on our well-being and success. Dr. Cloud delivers a powerful message that can literally make you completely rethink the way you are going about achieving your life goals. He discusses why the concept of "self-help" is actually hindering us. The "others" in our lives are the ones that give us the spark we need to get us to the next level. Dr. Cloud provides data driven facts that support how other people affect our brain and the way it works. I am now looking at the people in my life in a completely different way, I see how truly important they are to me. I would give this book 6 out of 5 stars :) It is truly perspective changing. Love it!

Of course we all know that other people can influence our lives. Likely you are thoughtful about which people you draw close to and which you distance yourself from. I thought this book would highlight and explain those tendencies and reinforce choices I've made in the friend arena over the last several years. But this book is SO much more than that! With a satisfying blend of neuroscience and psychology, Dr. Cloud unpacks how relationships wire us for success. We can't will ourselves to become better; instead our success comes as we are developed by others around us, as they teach us and influence our thinking and how our minds grow. He offers really profound insights into how relationships play out in the workplace, offering practical and important suggestions for leaders. This has given me insight into my own past and current work experience, and is helping me shift my thinking about what my next steps will be. And the applications don't stop at the workplace - you'll come away with new learnings about how to strengthen relationships with your significant other, friends, and extended family.

If you've read books by Dr. Cloud before you know he is both profound and practical. The examples he gives are down to earth and familiar, and his suggestions for change are equally accessible and empowering. Highly recommend!

The best of neuroscience, interpersonal skills, and leadership wisdom! When deciding whether to read a book, I always ask "What is unique or special about this book, and about the author?" Here are my 3 things:

1. Brilliant: The central idea of this book is that leadership isn't just about individual performance, but about knowing how to cultivate the right kind of relationships with the people in our lives! The book discusses the positive and negative impact people can have on us, and that we can have on others. It's a fresh perspective and each chapter contains so many nuggets of wisdom, but it never feels overwhelming.

2. Relatable: The book is written in a very down-to-earth tone, and includes a wide range of stories from business to sports to parenthood. Even after a quick read, I still remember the stories about Jack Nicklaus, Pixar, The Voice, and the heart surgeon who struggled with infidelity. The author also shares many of his own mistakes and lessons, including sharing about his own father and his daughters.

3. Practical: The book doesn't just list concepts, but includes practical ideas for leadership. For instance, how to give your work team new experiences to infuse new energy into their jobs (Chapter 5), how to cultivate a safe environment for creative feedback (Chapter 7), and how to avoid divisive environments and gossip (Chapter 11). However, the author does introduce some helpful new concepts like the "Four Corners of Connection" (Chapters 3 and 4) to help you diagnose the good and bad relational connections in your life, and the "growth structure quotient" (Chapter 10) to help you guide people with micromanaging them.

What I like about Dr. Cloud's books is that he brings together data and research from neuroscience, interpersonal (EQ) skills, and leadership wisdom. He respects both science and spirituality, and is able to explain complex topics in a way that people can relate to. And it's all based in his immense experience with the tons of clients he's worked with: if there's something messy you're going through, chances are he's seen and worked through something similar. I found the book constantly reminding me of situations in my own workplace and family as I was reading, which kept me interested and engaged.

I found the book sobering and challenging, but also hopeful and empowering. It made me want to talk about the topics with the people in my life! There were some powerful insights I wish could have been explored even more, like how addictions can be similar to relationships. But I guess sometimes the best books leave you wanting more.

My suggestion is to read a chapter each day, or each week, so it can sink in. I highlighted parts that I found most helpful, and wrote down occasional notes. It would actually be a great book to use for a discussion group, or just giving to a friend or coworker and seeing what they think. But don't skip the last few chapters... some of the best material is at the end!

It's a unique and worthwhile read. If you dive in and apply, you might find yourself a different leader and person in the years to come.

About two decades ago, John Maxwell taught us that the number one leadership principle is to surround yourself with people who are much better than yourself – and they, in turn, will make you look better and be better as you pour into their success. Now in 2016, Dr. Henry Cloud explains to us why that is the number one leadership principle. The Power Of The Other is an exceptional treatise on how those who speak into our lives can shape our character into what we were meant to be, what we are called to be. His book, by his own admission, took a lifetime to write – and one can tell from the wisdom contained within its underlying story. Missing from its pages is any trite, self-help drivel so prevalent within our culture – especially in our futile attempts at finding relational intimacy in a “plastic” social media culture. Rather, Dr. Cloud penetrates into the heart of relational significance – appropriately teaching the reader how to discern the right “others” to allow entrée into our self-definition. Having read every book written by Dr. Cloud, having taught repeatedly his Boundaries resources, having sat under his teaching within several seminars, and having met him (once) personally (yes – unashamedly, for an autograph), I can say with all due clarity that The Power Of The Other is consistently and quintessentially Henry Cloud at his best. It is yet another work of art for those daring to trust its wisdom. I look forward to giving this book as a gift to those special persons for whom I, graciously, have been welcomed as an “Other.”

The Power of the Other Henry Cloud:

"When you get the power of the other on your side, you can surpass what ever limit you are currently experiencing or will ever experience in the future." (Page 10)

Dr. Cloud describes the "four (possible) corners" of our relationship space; gives us descriptions and tools to understand "where" we are in our relationships and then maps out, with research and clear examples, the concept of how to grow in relating so that we ultimately partake in growth as a powerful "other" in relationships and as one empowered to the next level in leadership and relationships, both business and personal.

Cloud has, as a Leadership Expert and as a successful Psychologist authoring powerful relationship-healing books, brought his whole life's work and understanding to the book...demonstrating how the 'right' other in our lives makes all the difference...and how to achieve relating in ways to realize the potential of others with us in all our roles and relationships.

Glad to have seen an advanced copy of this next significant work in the fields of both Leadership and Psychology from Cloud!

This book is an excellent read to help unlock the key to success in parenting, business, sports teams, individual athletes and anyone desiring to level up in life. With a background in sports, I see the value of this book as it pertains to coaching, playing a sport and being on teams of any kind. At the coaching level, we know that master coaches leave behind legacies, we see that they are people who kept in contact with their former athletes and that their impact went far beyond the gym, field, court, etc. When athletes struggle off the field with emotional or interpersonal issues, it is often because they have not formed the kind of relationships that are imperative to thrive away from sports. This book examines four different types of other people that we typically have in our corner - and not all "others" are beneficial for us, some of them are toxic and sometimes we never experience the deep kind of connection we are searching for in life because we get stuck in a pattern of unhealthy relationship with others. Success in life, or in sports does not happen in a vacuum, we need other people (healthy, challenging other people) in order to grow and thrive. I'd recommend this book for coaches, teams, business owners, athletes and anyone who desires to become a true leader and understand the power other people have on our lives and how they are truly the key to unlocking our vast potential.

This book is an excellent read to help unlock the key to success in parenting, business, sports teams, individual athletes and anyone desiring to level up in life. With a background in sports, I see the value of this book as it pertains to coaching, playing a sport and being on teams of any kind. At the coaching level, we know that master coaches leave behind legacies, we see that they are people who kept in contact with their former athletes and that their impact went far beyond the gym, field, court, etc. When athletes struggle off the field with emotional or interpersonal issues, it is often because they have not formed the kind of relationships that are imperative to thrive away from sports. This book examines four different types of other people that we typically have in our corner - and not all "others" are beneficial for us, some of them are toxic and sometimes we never experience the deep kind of connection we are searching for in life because we get stuck in a pattern of unhealthy relationship with others. Success in life, or in sports does not happen in a vacuum, we need other people (healthy, challenging other people) in order to grow and thrive. I'd recommend this book for coaches, teams, business owners, athletes and anyone who desires to become a true leader and understand the power other people have on our lives and how they are truly the key to unlocking our vast potential.

Let's face it...relationships are THE defining measure of success for leaders. Poor leaders relate poorly: excellent leaders know how to develop, leverage, and sustain quality relationships. Dr. Henry Cloud brings a great perspective on leading, learning, and relating. In his book, The Power of the Other, you will learn how to leverage relational capital in order to build fulfilling relationships. The power of the other lies in what Cloud calls quadrant four relationships: the meaningful, honest, and transparent relationships that not only prompt change: but create a positive learning environment. Cloud has a magical way of phrasing things so that you can not only understand the premise, but apply it to your own lives. This is a must have for any leader in any organization.

Dr. Cloud clearly hits a homerun with this book. Today, we often hear about the self-made man. The Power of the Other illustrates that we need a team around us in order for us to reach out peak performance. This is a must read for every CEO and top executive. It is a sad reality that many executives do not have someplace where they can be 100 percent honest and vulnerable about their leadership role. This book reveals a leadership secret of developing a network of people that can call out your best. At the C12 Group [...] we practice the principles that Dr. Cloud points to in this book in order for leaders and teams to be the most effective. The power of the other will give the leader the right kind of energy for breakthrough performance.

Henry Cloud's books and videos (Boundaries, Changes That Heal) have been a godsend for me during a time of cataclysmic upheaval, transition, and loss. I truly don't know where I'd be without them. So when I heard his newest had potential to offer a great synthesis of his ideas, I couldn't wait to get my hands on it

Yes, you'll read compelling stories of relationships and how central they are to "success" and flourishing. Yes, the findings on neuroscience and pithy, brilliant conceptual frameworks are vividly presented in a memorable way (Corner 4 could be a whole book!) - the words just sing yet are direct & clear.

But the most important thing I took away was ... hope. Hope that even with the loss of close relatives and a great deal of social/familial support in the past couple years, that there are rich times ahead. A way to navigate. A way to be vulnerable and honest, yet set limits and discern in a safe, healthy way. A way to thrive that's counter to our ethos of individualism. Cloud takes you by the hand as a trusted "other," leads you through, then gives you a gentle push - the best kind of "Corner 4."

i consider Dr. Henry Cloud my own personal counselor via his books. I have read 10 of his books so far Each time I read one Dr. Cloud's book, I walk away as if I had just spent so equality 1-1 with him. The reason that I feel like I have spent quality time with him, is due to the nature in which he writes plus his content is always what I need at that momentum my life

In The Power Of The Other, Dr Cloud speaks to the value of quality relationships and how your relationships will either help you to succeed or to come up short in life. Don't ever underestimate the power of the other in one's life.

I would highly recommend this book to everyone who desires to go places

I have enjoyed and reaped huge benefits from reading many of Henry Cloud's books, including Boundaries, Necessary Endings, Integrity, and several others. When I heard about The Power of the Other, I was so anxious to get my hands on it and read it, and I was not disappointed. Everyone in your life has power to affect your life. Is their role in your life positive, or negative? Do they help you, or do their words and actions harm you? Without knowing it, we give many people power over our lives that is not in our best interest. This book does a wonderful job at giving examples that show the different kinds of relationships we have with others and the power they have in our lives. We can't choose whether or not people affect our lives, but we CAN choose what kinds of relationships we allow in our lives. This book would absolutely benefit anyone wanting to understand relationships, and grow into the healthiest ones with others!

Do you want to have better connections with other people? Do the people in your life challenge you? Stretch you? Find help in Dr. Henry Cloud’s best book yet, The Power of the Other. “People give energy, and they take it away. Know the difference and plan accordingly” (p.81). This is a book I will refer back to quite often; I’ve highlighted something on nearly every page. I will definitely re-read it so that I am able to “internalize” the wisdom Dr. Cloud offers. I plan to use it with our leadership team.

Boundaries was full of aha moments and wisdom and The Power of the Other gives us no less. Dr Cloud lends keen insight into why some relationships crumble and some thrive and why. Communication is harder these days even though we have more mediums through which to communicate and relationships suffer as a result. This book is very enlightening and even empowering. I recommend it!

Henry Cloud has written some incredible books, and this one simply out does them. Technically, it is the foundation of all of his previous projects. We need other people in our lives, people that make us better and reach our best.

The Power of the Other explains why we feel voids in our lives. We all have been there. We may have concluded it was a shortage of money, the wrong job, too busy, not enough time off, a lousy supervisor, etc. Some of those things skirt the issue, BUT the power in others within our circle is the root cause.

Grab this book to get an energy boost, clarity of relationships, and the will to grow deeper on life's journey.

It will likely be the best book I read in 2016, and I read a lot (generally two books a month). Join me in the club that will be transformed by Cloud's latest work! Awesome stuff!

Once again Dr. Cloud has delivered a thoughtful and insightful body of work that has practical application in the workplace as well as in our personal lives. The Power of the Other integrates impressive research with what most of us know in our core; we were created to be interdependent and we are far more complete when we reach outside of ourselves and are engaged in healthy relationships. Like all of Dr. Cloud's books there is remarkable clarity at the intersection of our heart, soul and mind. The insights on Corner 4 relationships are very challenging and affirming and the practical insights in the book are easily understood. I would highly recommend this book to anyone interested in being a healthy leader and for anyone who struggles with yielding self to others and to God. Great Job once again Dr. Cloud.

Life is relationship. Without connection, we're not fully living, and this book explains why, plus how to build the healthy relationships we all need. It describes how to watch out for signs that a relationship is unhealthy or disconnected, including our own thought processes or triangulating. It also explains how to prepare oneself to build deep relationships, including structure. The right relationships are our 'corner four,' as Cloud calls it. The only element I would add is a brief how-to outline at the end to guide readers in establishing such growth-giving relationships.

Truly refreshing insight on the power of connection. Dr. Henry Cloud has reset the conversation on how to move past personal and relational limits. Great Read - Dr. Cloud helps us discover the truth about True Connection and how connecting with others helps you push farther than you ever thought you could. Not just another Henry Cloud Book - A true relationship (business and personal) game changer.

Working with stepmoms, there are a lot of issues around the power of other people in a stepfamily. This book shares greats insights as to how not let others dominate you, to communicate in effective ways what you really need in your life and to stand up for what you want. Will be using this book as a guide for my stepmom clients in helping them live more fulfilling family lives.
Claudette Chenevert
The Stepmom Coach

Concepts are equally relevant in building effective work teams and reducing the burdens of many forms of mental illness. Contains some particularly useful guidance for those struggling with anxiety at work, focusing on connecting with others as a way to reduce the burdens. Well written, easy to understand and within anyone's capability to implement.