A Revolutionary Way of Self Discovery - Bradshaw on the Family

Outstanding book on describing dysfunctional families and the problems that are created by one or both parents that are not fit to raise children. Excellent writing and excellent examples of the tragedy that occurs in too many families. Required reading for family and marriage counselors, school counselors, ministers and priests and rabbis, doctors and nurses, police officers, health workers, and people who are concerned about children and teenagers being raised by parents who are not morally or mentally or psychologically able to raise their children properly and in a balanced household full of love and understanding and compassion.

I gave this book three stars because it does have some very useful, insightful information packed into it. I have two of the author's other books. However, what I've noticed with John Bradshaw is that he tries to do TOO much. Tries to pack TOO much in there- too much theorizing, too many abstract concepts and quotations, too much detail and diagrams and explanation- where it could just as easily be a much more concise and less repetitive read. The first two chapters feels like he's trying to justify his profession to somebody and the rest of the chapters feel like one long lecture. I'm also uncomfortable with his loose use of language, like with potentially misogynistic expressions such as "whoring" and "bitches" (aka nags). It's also confusing as to who is target audience is. Is it his patients? His colleagues? Other academics? People interested in history and philosophy...or his own family members? As an "adult child" trying to make sense of my dysfunctional family, what we need is more compassion and empathy and more examples of REAL-LIFE scenarios and analysis of these. Not philosophical analysis, justifications and persuasion based on his own personal motivations. For a better, more patient-focused and equally informative and useful book on dysfunctional families I would recommend John Friel and Linda Friel's "Adult Children: The Secrets of Dysfunctional Families" and "An Adult Child's Guide to What's Normal".

The central idea of Bradshaw's book is an interesting one: that in recent decades, psychological research has begun to focus on seeing the family as an emotional system, and that one can't just study an individual's psychological difficulties without seeing his or her role in the family & the family's interactions. Families each have their own unique culture which creates an emotional environment that children learn from & absorb. People growing up in healthy families become mature healthy people, who have their own identity & have a healthy separation from their family; they have learned that they are free to feel what they feel and express it even if it goes against the family "script," roles, or views. If there are disagreements, then people fight fairly, with nobody is trying to manipulate each other or use each other to satisfy unmet emotional needs.
Bradshaw then looks at the dynamics in dysfunctional families. He examines, in turn, families with alcoholics, families who are physically or emotionally abusive, and those that are co-dependent. These families may have problems with enmeshment, guilt, control, shame, family secrets, continuous fighting or no fighting because "wrong" emotions are forbidden. He highlights the fact that dysfunctional families often have dysfunctional kids, who then seek out, find, and marry other dysfunctional people (since they act in a familiar, though dysfunctional, way). In this way, certain family problems such as alcoholism, violence, and so on can be handed down across generations. Because of this, one should examine one's problems in the context of one's family, and always look for the "problem behind the problem" (i.e. ask what drives one to drink? Rather than just address alcoholism as an addiction). Bradshaw goes on to give a 12-step plan for recovery to escape this pattern. The 12-step program he outlines mimics the one that Alcoholics Anonymous uses (Bradshaw is himself a recovering alcoholic).
Overall, I found the book to have several pluses and minuses. On the plus side, I thoroughly enjoyed the first third of the book, which laid out the main idea that the family must be understood as a system. The rest of the book amplifies and repeats the ideas in the first third, then goes into detail about the dynamics in various dysfunctional families & recovery. These details seemed to be somewhat similar, redundant, and somewhat obvious, though they will probably resonate with those stuck in those particular situations. Next, one slightly annoying technique that Bradshaw uses is that he often spells out a phrase, then use each letter in that phrase to write a paragraph about a related idea (for example, F.A.M.I.L.Y => F=Feedback loops are important...; A=Autonomy is key...; M=Marriage is a chief Component of families....etc.). Also, Bradshaw seems to emphasize that "shame" is the root cause of almost every problem he describes; I thought that this oversimplifies the issues involved. Finally, the book seems (and is, I suppose) geared towards a mass audience, so it's not a deep psychological text and at times it seems to have some "pop psychology" elements. But as I said before, I thought the first third of the book was good & worth reading, since it covers the main ideas. The rest of the book, about recovery & specific situations of abuse, can be skimmed or read in depth if one particular family situation applies to you.

This book saved my life! After years of counseling with therapists who were just counter-transferring their own unresolved issues onto me, Bradshaw helped me see the roots of my "mental illness" were from my upbringing in a patriarchal, totalitarian, authoritarin, rigid family & religious system. I was always made to feel by these systems that there was something defective about ME when, in actuallity, THEY were highly dysfunctional. In turn, that led me to seek therapy by therapists indoctrinated in these same systems. After realizing that going to my church for counseling was actually the antithesis of psycological & spiritual growth, I discovered the tools in Bradshaw's important work to heal myself. As a theologian, Bradshaw beautifully discerns the difference between spirituality & religion - that the more religious a person is, the less spiritual they are. That mature, spiritual people accept others just as they are & that religious people & systems narcissistically strive to create cookie-cutter people who act, think & believe that same way they do. I've come to the conclusion that every therapist I hired chose counseling as a way to avoid looking at their own issues. Receiving a different diagnosis from each therapist proves this to me. This comes without blame directed toward my primary caregivers as I realize that they were "mystified" by the same family & religious systems. I will never again look outside myself for approval. I honestly feel that Bradshaw's work (and the other psychologists he gives praise & credit to) is the most profound psychological & spiritual work of the 20th century. If you read this amazing book your life will never be the same. You will be unable to live your life the way you always have & it will change the way you see yourself & others forever. For the first time, I have made real, effective, positive changes in my life. My relationships are healthy & nurturing. I have self-esteem - something I thought was impossible. When friends & family comment on the amazing changes I've made in my life & ask how I did it, I don't say a thing. I just hand them a copy of this book...

I cant beleive this book isnt bein published anymore. it was a ground breaker for me. I came from a seriously dysfunctional and abusive "family"(the f-word to me). Before i read this book, i had no idea there was a logic or order to the chaos of an abusive household, I guess i was very naive. This book is the one that started me on my path to recovery from my past.

This is my first review in the store. There is something about this book that I have to tell. Besides this book saved my life, the knowledge consolidated in this book is one of the most important that humanity has discovered. It accounts for the happiness of individual, family, social from now on to generations ahead.

I am really pity for many teachers that John Bradshaw learned from and referred to their theory throughout the book. Even those teachers maybe not find the final answer and happiness like John Bradshaw... I really regrets that they could not live long to find the final answer they are searching for from the fruition of their own student, John Bradshaw.

This publication is a great read for the individual who is just opening up to the idea that perhaps his/her family of origin is not perfect! The audio version is great for a quick lesson in family dynamics and John Bradshaw's delivery is entertaining and to the point. If you are wondering if historical events from childhood could be impacting the way you live your life and form relationships, this one is for you!

John Bradshaw has a way with teaching. He has such integrity as an author in the field of family dysfunction and recovery from codependency. Reading this book, and his many other works, has been the most meaningful contribution on my journey to wholeness; my settling into reality, good mental health, and happiness.

Probably the most important book written about the discovery of yourself through your family history. A real eye-opener on the social illness that is passed on from generation to generation in families. This book was used as a text in a college course, and was a great learning experience.

I cannot recommend this book more highly to anyone who has wondered how their family dynamics have shaped their personality. This book truly gives you the tools you need to get past your family control dramas and move on to being a self-actuated adult.

John Bradshaw is an outstanding psychologist who has probed deeply into family dynamics, especially dysfunctional families. If you have ever wondered why you have trouble relating to your family "as you should" you may gain insights about your birth family and how you were treated by them. The family of origin's strengths and, more prticularly, their weaknesses will follow from generation to generation unless you gain insight into why you act/react to family members and make the necessary adjustments in your parenting style. John Bradshaw's "Bradshaw On: The Family" will help you see where you may have been damaged as a child. It is must reading for those who know there is "something wrong" but can't put their finger on it.

This publication is a great read for the individual who is just opening up to the idea that perhaps his/her family of origin is not perfect! The audio version is great for a quick lesson in family dynamics and John Bradshaw's delivery is entertaining and to the point. If you are wondering if historical events from childhood could be impacting the way you live your life and form relationships, this one is for you!

I was introduced to the Bradshaw Video's which aired on PBS in the 80's while I was in rehab. Not only did it answer a lot of questions for me about my childhood but it was enlightening and an eye opener for me. I bought all of his books and I highly recommend those from dysfunctional backgrounds to read his materials.

A must read for everyone. Better understanding my family history, I have the opportunity to make better choices for myself in present time.

I say, John Bradshaw for president.

With much love and gratitude for Mr Bradshaw`s work.

Sincerely,
Darryl Garcia

A friend gave me this book because she was offended that someone else had given it to her. I read it because I've always wondered about the ideas behind the terms "dysfunctional family", "inner child", and "co-dependent".
Unfortunately, the book didn't help me much with those terms. The author says it's based on a PBS series that he did. Unfortunately, it comes across as if he improvised it. The definitions are imprecise, and for some concepts, it's hard to figure out which sentences ARE the definitions. That makes the conclusions hard to follow.
Bradshaw seems to sell a lot of books, so presumably he's touching something in a lot of people. And what he's trying to do is very important. I hope lots of people become better and happier as a result.
But between inventing his own slightly-too-cute terms (e.g., "dis-ease", "patriarchal pedagogy", "deep democracy") and presenting things in clever-but-not-useful formats (he summarizes each chapter by a series of notes, each of which begins with the letters that make up a key phrase, e.g., S.T.A.G.E. I. R.E.C.O.V.E.R.Y.), he does almost nothing useful for someone who's trying to get an intellectual handle on his field.
If I wanted to know more about this field, I'd probably ask "cycworker"!

This book is approachable for nearly every reader. It puts complex concepts in terms that make sense without having to read over and over. This is a great starting point for anyone who is trying to understand famliy function and disfunction.

I have been an avid follower of John Bradshaw for many years....his books are easy to read and he writes in laymen's terms....this man knows what he is talking about .....best to read a chapter at a time so you can absorb it....a lot of information......thanks

This review is based on the DVD series Bradshaw presented.
John Bradshaw in this series talks about the crisis in the family. Much of the early part of the series especially is about breaking down the denial we have about our families and seeing that there is in fact a crisis. I would agree. In my experience we are largely unaware of how our family systems work, how they influence us in our adult lives, and what kind of help we need. The first part of this is to accept that we are being influenced by our childhood and recognising that help is needed.
Bradshaw explains how children think and feel - many of us do not remember what it was like to be a child. He explains how abuse of any kind affects a child's development. What exactly constitutes abuse is discussed - a much broader set of behaviours than I had previously thought.
He explains "the crisis" as being the loss of the self. We grow up in our families and in society learning how to behave and end up putting on an act which does not represent who we really are. We lose a part of ourselves, or most of ourselves. By the time we are adults we do not know who we are and this results in depression, anxiety, addiction, compulsivity, etc.
Bradshaw in the last few episodes discusses healing and what help is available for the individual. The focus is more on the individual than the family which I think is important to note. We can help ourselves but we cannot readily change others.
John Bradshaw was an alcoholic himself and constantly touches on his own experience. This enabled me to "get to know him" and trust him in a way which I do not do with many professionals in the field who do not show their own vulnerability.
I have seen or listened to the audio of this series three times now and get more from it each time - especially because I have become familiar with his accent!
A thought provoking series which offers practical ways to begin doing work on ourselves.