Children and the Search for Identity - Far From the Tree

I think this is the best written and most interesting book I've read all year.

The size is a bit daunting, but the book is divided into smaller sections (Dwarfism, Deafness, Downs' Syndrome, prodigies, children who commit crimes, etc) and each one is relatively self contained.

The author combines lots of research and statistics with in depth connections with individuals in each section. He presents viewpoints and does not push conclusions.

So moving, eye opening, life changing, and well written. I think everyone in the country should read this book. It is a lot, but divided in to essentially stand alone chapters. I read them out of order. So you dont have to power all the way through.

Andrew Solomon writes with deep understanding and empathy about families dealing with life's most challenging situations. A bonus for the reader is the author's account of how, in the course of his research, his own life was immeasurably enriched. This book should be required reading for all students in the helping professions, including law, medicine and psychology--but its message is one that will touch every thoughtful person who recognizes the interconnectedness of all human beings.

Read the first chapter and I'm totally fascinated. This is a really unusual and interesting book that's great for challenging and questioning your beliefs and asking you to consider how you interact with human society as a whole. It's massive, and it's dense, but for people who are interested in how humans think and function and behave, this seems to be a really good read. You have to be willing to put some time and effort into it. I'm well educated and read it with a dictionary next to me.

This book opened my eyes to what other parents have to deal with when they are raising children of different abilities. I read it as a physician assistant in family practice. I see patient with many different problems, but I am never aware of the difficulties presented in the home. This was thoroughly eye-opening. I think anyone who is a parent needs to read this. It will make them more empathetic to others. This was a book suggested by my sister who also found this book enlightening.

Terrific book. Extremely wrenching to read at times, but that's what makes it terrific. I felt as though I was with the author as he spent time with all the people in this book, like I was just another person in sitting in the kitchen with them. Andrew Solomon conveyed the agonies, frustrations, and triumphs of children and parents so clearly that I cried at times.

Andrew Solomon has a produced a thoughtful and nuanced portrait of the differently-abled and the challenges they present to society, their families, and themselves. I agree that the theme of "far from the tree" doesn't really cover the wide ranging content of this book. Mr. Solomon's encylopedic knowledge is on full display--the book is 1000 pages long in hard cover. But this is a well-written and insightful account and well worth reading.

I would recommend this insightful book to anyone caring for differences in all of us.
It was well written, thought-provoking, and, intellectually stimulating.
This book went far above my expectations. I saw an interview of Andrew Solomon.
I'm not sure if it was on The Daily Show or The Colbert Report. His explanation
of this intriguing subject matter convinced me to purchase his book. I have learned
so much from this work of Andrew Solomon.

Read Solomon's Noonday Demon in a time of darkness - served to illuminate my way. Far From the Tree afforded me greater insight into the immense love and staggering tragedy that parents invite when deciding to have/adopt a child.

Having no children of my own, I am at once saddened and grateful for my status.

This book celebrates the fact that if a child is born into a loving and accepting family, then the nurturing family will experience a glow of contentment that they could help this child with a disability to a good life for himself/herself. The book also shows how various conditions impact the victim; dwarfism, mental illness, deafnessautism and other conditions (see the index.) There is new information on all of these conditions that can enable a parent too stop grieving for an acorn nearby, but except the one laying a distance away.
Our extended family has experienced many such Far from the Tree relatives, and somehow expanded their love to accommodate them. This books helps both in philosophy, psychology. and information. Martha SArkissian

Andrew Solomon 'Far from the Tree' is the masterful result of his extensive research, superb writing skills, empathy, open-mindedness and patience. Reading it is an education on various conditions that make a child 'different' and in how families struggle, cope, grow and meet these challenges---and opportunities. Solomon provides historical context to show us how society and science has understood and misunderstood these differences over time. No better guide exists to this subject, and no better example of what humane response should be.

Reading this book is a large time commitment. It is long and not a fast read but worth it. I learned so much! Initially I was especially interested in some chapters but found myself fascinated by others too. My criticism is that most of the children featured are from wealthy families. This really skewed some of the stories. That being said I feel the book is enriching and Solomon is a gifted, brilliant author.

An in-depth, thoughtful and insightful look at parents, children, identity, connection, culture, attachment and humanity. Just when you think all sides of the issues covered have been exhausted, the next passage will make you consider something you'd never have thought of. This is not just well written and informative, this book conveys a dignity and respect very rare in our culture today. The stories and the grace of Andrew Solomon in telling these stories has the power to change how you think. This book is remarkable.

Solomon writes with a deep compassion for humanity that comes from his own deep well of love and suffering. Reading this book is an exercise in sensitivity training. It is a long book because the writer strives to cover the full range of experience in each of the categories he addresses. He doesn't judge; he doesn't preach. He just tries to illuminate the lives of people whose lives are driven by their love for children who are unique and challenging.

Solomon gives us the best researched view of children whose identities are far different from their parents. He presents every side of the often contentious viewpoints of each condition. He does it with love, amazes us with the many ways these loving parents advocate for their children and presents his own philosophical points in such a manner that I need to do a lot more underling--when I read this wonderful yet again.

This phenomenal book is a tome of research into differences....required reading for any parent of a child with a disability or not..
It is beautifully written and an attestation to the power of love. It has opened a new world of the larger meaning of parental love in all its facets. Not to miss Andrew Solomon's TEDMED' talk where he speaks candidly about his personal experiences of being different during his lifetime and how he overcame them all by turning out to be quite extraordinary.
I so enjoyed following the families he interviewed and the roads they took in order to cope with the myriad of challenges presented by their handicapped children.
My only problem was that the array of interviewees seemed overwhelming at times due to the author's scrupulous thoroughness and attention to detail.
I will conclude by emphasizing how valuable a read this book is.

This book should change your view of differently abled people in our society-from dwarves and autistic kids, to the transgendered and children born out of rape. Soloman covers a lot of ground in this book and he spent about 10 years researching and interviewing for it. You won't be disappointed. There is a lot to digest and talk about. He is also the author of the excellent "Noonday Demon," an excellent account of depression from which he too suffered. Far from the Tree is one of the best books I have run across in quite a while.

A compelling and important view into the lives of children, adult children and parents of persons who significantly vary from the mainstream characteristics both physically and mentally. Great insights can be gained in relating to oneself and also the expectations that parents including parents of those who do have mainstream characteristics that resemble their parental heritage. the expectations of children that parents have and the projections that have little to do with a real person who varies from mainstream in appearance and or behavior are explored in ways that are essential to enlargement of knowledge. Especially important for those working in non-profits which border on the lives of homeless people and other persons who do not fulfill their natural abilities due to projections that impact self belief.

One of my favorite books of the year. The overlying thesis of identities and when parents/children don't share similar ones--was very well observed. Andrew Solomon is a thoughtful man. This opened a window of insight into those aspects/interests in their lives that my children don't share with me and gave me an empathy for people who face a much larger difference between themselves and their children. A large book, but so worth the time spent reading.

Finally a book that normalizes those considered "other". I really like this author. Nevertheless,
I'm in kind of a bad mood this morning. I hate to write negative reviews and almost never do.
I hate very much the possibility of hurting someone's feelings who worked so hard
to enlighten humanity. So, to continue: I adore this author. Update 2-3-17: There are other new treatments for depresion now. Today I just learned of a more non-invasive procedure for those ECT did not help. More later:)

Except on schizophrenia which Solomon calls the most "intractable" and untreatable illness.
While much of his brain research is quite up to date- nevertheless, there's still so much we don't know.
E.g, we think we know what SSRI's and Dopamine inhibitors do but the whole model of why
they(sometimes but not often enough) work may not be right.

What I think Solomon misses here is that it is the UNITED STATES approved medications that are intractable and unusable. Getting the really good antipsychotic/stabilizer/antidepressant, Amisulpride,
from France or London can be a drag and most shrinks in Massachusetts won't even prescribe it.

Also brain research is still going on and there may be a good cure for schizophrenia in ten years
based on gene therapy. I so wanted to write him of this pill after Noonday Demon as a cure for himself,
but there was just so much I had to say about his book, most of it positive, that I never got around to it.
Write what you know, Andrew. Write what you know.

The guy who writes so lovingly of his(Noonday Demon) depression, for which there already exists
a diagnosis through MRI, and his son's Autism- takes a very cold and under-researched eye to schizophrenia.
He mentions few or none of the success stories.

It's wonderful to be so confessional and I thank him for that but there's no need to take swipes at
the children dealing with something more difficult. It seems that there always has to be a pariah
even for those who profess to like everyone. A also there is a richness to schizophrenia
(even in catatonia) that we can be more curious about. Carl Jung found it at least tractable.

After reading Far from the Tree I'm thinking, Why even deal with schizophrenia?
If you see those genes in your baby's sonogram, throw it out with the bath water.

Mr. Solomon deals with specific genetic disabilities or disabilities thought to have a genetic component, and this is a good introductory read if you have an interest in any of the areas covered. It is not all inclusive. In all cases, there are numerous interviews with parents or parents and children regarding the disability. It is interesting to see how different parents react to having a disabled child -- many react well and grow with the experience.

I would recommend this book for everyone, whether you are parent with a "different" child or not. Andrew Solomon does an awesome job of raising awareness about disability or difference, and showing all the challenges and dilemmas that these children and their parents face everyday. I am the mother of a gay son, and the aunt to a niece with Downs Syndrome, so this book was extremely personal for me. In the end, all parents really want is to try and make the world a better place for their children, despite their child's differences. My only hope would be that parents of "normal" children would read this book and teach their own children to treat others with dignity and respect.

A beautifully written and meticulously researched explanation of parents, children, and identities. Be sure to read the last chapter too! It took me many months to finish this book. I read it in fits and starts, sometimes unable to put it down, sometimes needing a break to ponder the sorrow and the joy.

This book is about families who have "different" children--that is, children who are different from 'normal,' and different from everyone else in their family. It's about how families cope, or don't, but it's also about how to think about differences and lifestyle choices. It offers some really good lessons about tolerance and it's just a good read. Highly recommended.

I have been disabled all my life. I have cerebral palsy which means that at this point in my life I walk with two canes. Though my parents sought medical attention for me, eventually they embraced my paternal grandmother's Christian Science faith. I have through the years been considered crippled, handicapped, disabled, differently abled and physically challenged. I am who I am both because of and in spite of my parents.
Andrew Solomon's book is wonderful because he is so open to any possibility. He enters so fully into the lives of the people whom he interviews that he helps you understand what their lives are like. All of these families have difficulties but the ones who seem to do best are those who accept (and in some cases) embrace the difference and who say to their children "I love you as you are" and thereby allow their children to accept themselves.(That, alas, sounds like a Hallmark greeting card and Mr. Solomon's book never gets mawkish and his explanations of the difficulties these families face are never facile).
I also loved Mr. Solomon's inclusion of all sorts of differences. He talks about transgendered people, criminals (his interview with Dylan Klebold's mother is very moving) and geniuses. I know a bit more about Joshua Bell's relationship with his mother than I might like, but the chapter was very entertaining.
Mr. Solomon himself is part of this tapestry. He discusses his mother's wish to correct his homosexuality much as she fixed his dyslexia and the teasing he underwent because of he was more interested in opera plots than football plays. As an adult he has married and talks about the feelings he had as he contemplated the possibility of having to raise a disabled child (the child is not disabled and Mr Solomon confesses his relief)
Many the families to whom Mr. Solomon speaks are well off (if they can't find a suitable place for their children to be treated they start one) and I sometimes fear he may be preaching to the choir. Nonetheless, this is a marvelous book and it's wonderfully written. It deserves the widest possible audience.

Through meticulous research and sensitive interviews, Solomon shows how human beings - whether children or parents - yearn to connect through group identities. "Horizontal" identities form from connections outside the biological family. Solomon describes the suffering and celebration children with or from conditions beyond the norm (deafness, autism, prodigies, produced from rape). Parental love for their children is a consistent theme, even when it is a difficult love.

Anecdotal in the extreme - and densely written (and thus hard to read and follow) - I recommend it anyway because having a close relative who suffers from bipolar (originally diagnosed as depressive) it took me a long time to separate my reaction to the disease/disability from my reaction to the person with the disease/disability. Helps to value individuals.

Excellent information. I read every chapter and couldn't wait to start the next chapter. Very insightful about disabilities and the effects of that on loved ones, as well as the narrow-mindedness of others. Understanding these marginal disorders leads to compassion and tolerance.

Ths is an incredible book. So informative and compelling read. It's about four books in one and takes a long time to read. You can skip around and read different sections in any order. Best in Kindle version because it is a big heavy book. Don't missit!

I haven't finished this yet. Borrowed it from the library - the library actually bought it per this request - but I couldn't finish it before we left for vacation. I was so engrossed and had to return the book to the library before I finished it that I ordered it for my Kindle and have continued to read this unusual book. Who ever thought about vertical and horizontal relationships before? No matter what 'disability' your family member shows, it seems that the one difference that cannot be hidden is that of the dwarf. Everyone stares at the dwarf....isn't that strange? Maybe it's true that God only gives us the disabilty that we are able to deal with. This author seems to be unusually gifted both in his abilty to do and interpret research, and in his ability to write about it in such an intelligible way.

As a professional in the field of developmental disabilities, I was often awestruck by the fantastic parent that I met. This book goes much deeper into the relationship of individuals with disabilities (and other social issue) and tells us how prejudice makes a person "an other", left out of the greater society. There are lessons for all of us in this book but the lessons are gained from very readable and enjoyable narrative.

I am a retired rehabilitation counselor with several years of experience working with people with disabilites and their families and yet I felt this was one of the most mind expanding, eye opening books I've ever read about disability. I believe every physician, teacher and counselor should put this book on their "must read"list.
Mr. Solomon has written a book of great depth and wide ranging empathy.

this book really grabbed my attention when he talked about his experience of being a gay son of heterosexual parents. He mentions an important teacher who helped him during his adolescence. He visited her after he learned she was dying. This woman was my favorite first cousin and it was wonderful to read his words about her. It is a must read for everyone who has raised a child whose struggles are challenging to one's expectations of parenting

Far From The Tree was full of information that causes the reader to ponder, reflect, and explore another perspective in the face of diversity. I enjoyed the genuine and bold feelings put into words from the author's interviews with parents raising children who are "different". Their honesty is refreshing and speaks to the depth of love that is discovered on life's journey.

SOLOMON has written a fascinating book in which he captures the spirit of love and relationships. It is not a perfect book. He writes from a particular bias and, I feel sure, there are those who disagree with him. At times, I was frustrated with his bias. I wanted more objectivity and yet by the time I finished it I was enthralled.

This is a 700+page book, but the sections/chapters make it less daunting. Furthermore, it is absorbing reading and, I believe, is a culture-changing book. Solomon's research and the volume of interviews he conducted are remarkable, and he writes beautifully, with warmth and obvious compassion. I especially like that he speaks of his own experiences, growing-up dyslexic and realizing he's gay, sharing his struggles and triumphs. My one objection is that he occasionally uses some amazingly obscure words. I am a writer, too; and I have a master's degree and am quite intelligent...but these words stun me! It's the only stumbling block in the book, that I can see.

I love this book. I appreciate that it has opened my eyes to the mind-set of other people, of what they go through in their extreme circumstances, and it helped me better understand how I deal with certain, similar circumstances in my own life. I no longer see my children as extensions of my self. Instead, I see and appreciate them as their own unique individuals, and I couldn't thank Andrew more for that. I feel it has made me a better parent, a better wife, and a better daughter all around. Great book. Fantastically written.

This wonderful book covers all aspects of mental illness and other disabilities. It is well written, very erudite and the author certainly has the credentials for such a scholarly tome. Dr. Solomon is also very compassionate and covers each subject in great detail. I would recommend it to parents dealing with these issues in their family.

After reading this book, it is evident that an incredible amount of time and research went into writing this and it paid off! One need not read the book in chronological order. The author focuses on 10 areas of horizontal identity. This book has the power to change your perspective on so much. It is the best book I have read in many years.

Scholarly, well-researched, and at the same time, touchingly personal and filled with compassion, Far From the Tree provides a thorough exploration of what it means to be related - by family, by community and by choice. Solomon's method of alternating research findings with the stories of people he has interviewed, sometimes for years, including his own story, gives the book both credibility and readability. Truly, the work of a lifetime.

Wow. Andrew Solomon's ambitious epic journey into the sensitive and complex terrain of identity is fabulous! Mr. Solomon manages to hold both the crucial opportunities and serious challenges of identity and life outside of narrow definitions of "normal." In this must-read tome, Mr. Solomon shares his impressive treasure chest of experiences and interviews with families and individuals who sometimes struggle with, sometimes celebrate, and generally call on us all to question, broaden, and break through our ideas about normality, difference, genius, and what it means to develop as families and as a society in order to embrace humanity in its entirety. I loved it!

Very informative. The human spirit is so adaptable to even the hardest or situations. I loved reading about the passion and persistence of parents who will do anything to give their child the best life possible. God bless them.

This is an outstanding, well research and well written book and should be required reading. While it is a long book with much detail, I think it would be hard to really discuss the areas and issues raised without hearing so many personal stories of people living with people "Far From The Tree." The strength, courage and resilience of both those classified as not "normal", and their parents is inspiring. Likewise, the frank and honest discussion about we treat people not like us is well done. Very informative and thought-provoking!

This is a book EVERY parent should read. My family does not fall into the definition of "horizontal" identity, but the more I read of Mr Solomon's empathetic and sensitive book, the more I realised how much it has to offer all of us who have mistakenly assumed that our children should directly reflect our own identities, our aspirations. The most profound humanity we can share with our children is to believe in their uniqueness from us and to nurture it.

Andrew Solomon is a truly awesome writer and an even more awesome HUMAN BEING. I am not yet finished with this, because I am relishing every page - scarcely a page goes by that I don't feel I've learned something and become a better person for doing so. THANK YOU, Andrew, for writing this book!

This book is life changing. I feel empowered, empathetic and generally more knowledgeable about the personal journeys of many people who have raised children with special needs or identities. I think everyone should read this book. It is very vivid and interesting. I love the way the chapters are structured. I thought I might be able to skip around if I was bored with a particular chapter, but so far I've been unable to do that, everything has been intriguing.

I think this is an important and timely book that should be read by anybody in the helping professions and in education. It is incredibly well-researched and well written. Andrew Solomon provides a depth of knowledge, insight and compassion rarely seen in one single volume. The combination of personal stories, informative research and philosophical discussion is enriching, eye opening, and thought provoking. I also like how he weaves in his own experiences. I also think that parents would also benefit from reading this book. I am recommending this book left and right to both professional colleagues (I am a psychologist), family and friends.

an excellent book describing life for the families and victims of a wide variety of health and body-type problems. I was married to a schizophrenic and the chapter on that problem was the best description I've read of the chaos generated and futility of treatments.

This was a fascinating book that takes disparate differences and weaves together a commonality of experience. I usually prefer fiction but could not put this down. Chapter after chapter I found thought-provoking issues that I wanted to share with people. Note: it is very long and could have used some prudent editing but I still enjoyed every word!

I have not yet finished this book. It requires so much contemplation and is at times painful to read but the author has done such meticulous research and has written it with so much compassion that it is just mind boggling. I think it should be almost required reading for everyone. Thank you, Andrew Solomon, for this incredible book.

This book is eye-opening. Andrew Solomon put a decade of work into this book and it really shows. The book is compassionate, informative and well-written. The author is an exceptionally innovative thinker. This may well be the best book I have ever had the pleasure to read.

This was a most interesting book with some unique perspectives, but like many books of this type, it went on too long with example after example. The points were made, but then ran on and on. After a while, I had to quit and move on to the next chapter. I would recommend this book to anyone who falls in one of the categories written about - those people might not be so bored by the extra examples -but for the casual reader, you might want to skip through some parts.

This book kept me reading along with each chapter taking you into a different world. I learned a great deal about cultures and perspectives I didn't previously know much about or understand well. It is a very well written book with a conclusion that ties everything together beautifully.

I loved this book. The subjects are so interesting. Once I finished a chapter I felt like I had learned so much about the subject. I never thought so hard about a book. I've had many excellent conversations with friends regarding many of the subjects in the book. Andrew Solomon did an amazing job!

This is an amazing read for any parent, special needs parent or not. I imagine that it is an even better read for a parent of a special needs child or a child of a special needs parent. His insights are invaluable, and the breadth of experience and knowledge he shares is astounding.

This book is incredible. Sullivan tells stories of children who are different from their parents — deaf, autistic, Downs, dwarf, genius, etc. He followed some families for as much as ten years, and gives easy to read snapshots of the joys and pains of being such a child as well as parenting such a child. He also gives pros and cons to different issues facing such parents — is it a good idea to get cochlear implants for deaf children? Should dwarfs spend their teenage years in pain and casts, having their limbs broken in order to lengthen them? The book is amazingly easy to read, for such serious issues. It's quite long, but well worth the time. I encourage everyone to read it.

This thought provoking book will inspire you to look at the world, and the people in it differently and not to judge the book by it's cover! Excellent information, well written and at times gut wrenching, this is a page turner from beginning to end.

It sounds depressing to read about dwarfs, blind children, autistic, schizophrenic, and many other "differently abeled" children, as well as prodigies and career criminals. But the love parents have for their child radiated through anecdotes throughout the book. I've told my "reading-friends" about it. And I've told casual acquaintances about it. The only thing I haven't done yet is accost strangers on the street and make them listen to how much I loved this book.