This Is How It Always Is: A Novel

Whoa. This book sure got me in the feels. The story line is so amazing. The characters are priceless. I am broken by people who are bullied or marginalized or treated unfairly. I loved Poppy and her family in this book. I loved how they loved each other unconditionally. The book was painful but hopeful, sad but joyful. This author is brilliant. God bless her and her precious child and all the people who are "different", but just want to be free to be themselves. They are Gods precious people too.

One of the finest, most tender novels I have ever read. This could serve as a general guide to a wonderful approach to parenthood. It is filled with respect, awareness, and recognition of different needs of children, as well as different supportive approaches and the impact on siblings, spouses, extended family members, and community. It's about parents loving and advocating for their children. Plus, it is written in a witty, humorous style.

Endearing book and I enjoyed reading it. It was a truly beautiful story with a heartfelt ending. I can honestly say I have a little bit of a better understanding of this topic after reading this book. What kept me from giving 5 stars was that the writing style was rambling at times and the author seemed to focus too often on extraneous things. Great book for a book club though.

This novel tells a beautiful story of a family founded on love, confronted with a child who doesn't fit gender norms in the U.S. Without ever preaching, it challenges what we think we know about what it means to be a boy or a girl, and more importantly, what it means to truly accept someone who doesn't conform to our culture's yet-rigid perspectives on gender identity. The book is thoughtful, insightful, multi-layered, and beautifully written. I can't recommend it strongly enough.

Laurie Frankel captured the sheer beauty and uncertainty of child raising with this novel. Poppy/Claude's story is central to the family but a singular one also in the context of a real family with kids who sometimes stray from what is expected.
That Poppy was portrayed with love and humanity and as a gift (despite the issues raised by a society that viewed a transgender kid as aberrant) was so welcome. I could see myself in both parents and could
not put this down. A great kick-off for discussion farents and anyone who knows what it is like to walk a different path.

Thank you, Laurie Frankel for this wondrous book. I adored Rosie and Penn, Claude and Poppy, and all the boys. Maybe it's fairytale, maybe it's spot on life. Whichever or neither, it gave me hope for a world that embraces a bigger normal ... a big dream wrapped in an entertaining story. I believe in happy endings for us all. Well done!

This is How it Always Is is about just that: about how life always is, about families and day to day life and the ups and downs of it all, and ultimately the difficult choices we all must make at some point in our lives. When the youngest son in a huge family of boys reveals herself to her parents as a girl mistakenly located in a boy's body, we all know how difficult this is going to be for everyone, but to the parents' credit, they ultimately believe their child, and not lightly, even when things go horribly wrong. Who would wish this for anyone, to have to endure whatever may come for this child, but because the reader gets to know the child and family, we understand better the decisions many families make, and will continue to make regardless of what the outside world thinks. This is a beautifully written novel about love and identity, themes common to everyone. After all, this really is how it always is for parents: you have children thinking their lives will be thus and so, and then, things change. Hopeful, hard, inspiring, and brimming with love.

Whoa. This book sure got me in the feels. The story line is so amazing. The characters are priceless. I am broken by people who are bullied or marginalized or treated unfairly. I loved Poppy and her family in this book. I loved how they loved each other unconditionally. The book was painful but hopeful, sad but joyful. This author is brilliant. God bless her and her precious child and all the people who are "different", but just want to be free to be themselves. They are Gods precious people too.

One of the finest, most tender novels I have ever read. This could serve as a general guide to a wonderful approach to parenthood. It is filled with respect, awareness, and recognition of different needs of children, as well as different supportive approaches and the impact on siblings, spouses, extended family members, and community. It's about parents loving and advocating for their children. Plus, it is written in a witty, humorous style.

Endearing book and I enjoyed reading it. It was a truly beautiful story with a heartfelt ending. I can honestly say I have a little bit of a better understanding of this topic after reading this book. What kept me from giving 5 stars was that the writing style was rambling at times and the author seemed to focus too often on extraneous things. Great book for a book club though.

This novel tells a beautiful story of a family founded on love, confronted with a child who doesn't fit gender norms in the U.S. Without ever preaching, it challenges what we think we know about what it means to be a boy or a girl, and more importantly, what it means to truly accept someone who doesn't conform to our culture's yet-rigid perspectives on gender identity. The book is thoughtful, insightful, multi-layered, and beautifully written. I can't recommend it strongly enough.

Laurie Frankel captured the sheer beauty and uncertainty of child raising with this novel. Poppy/Claude's story is central to the family but a singular one also in the context of a real family with kids who sometimes stray from what is expected.
That Poppy was portrayed with love and humanity and as a gift (despite the issues raised by a society that viewed a transgender kid as aberrant) was so welcome. I could see myself in both parents and could
not put this down. A great kick-off for discussion farents and anyone who knows what it is like to walk a different path.

Thank you, Laurie Frankel for this wondrous book. I adored Rosie and Penn, Claude and Poppy, and all the boys. Maybe it's fairytale, maybe it's spot on life. Whichever or neither, it gave me hope for a world that embraces a bigger normal ... a big dream wrapped in an entertaining story. I believe in happy endings for us all. Well done!

This is How it Always Is is about just that: about how life always is, about families and day to day life and the ups and downs of it all, and ultimately the difficult choices we all must make at some point in our lives. When the youngest son in a huge family of boys reveals herself to her parents as a girl mistakenly located in a boy's body, we all know how difficult this is going to be for everyone, but to the parents' credit, they ultimately believe their child, and not lightly, even when things go horribly wrong. Who would wish this for anyone, to have to endure whatever may come for this child, but because the reader gets to know the child and family, we understand better the decisions many families make, and will continue to make regardless of what the outside world thinks. This is a beautifully written novel about love and identity, themes common to everyone. After all, this really is how it always is for parents: you have children thinking their lives will be thus and so, and then, things change. Hopeful, hard, inspiring, and brimming with love.

I could not put down this book except when I needed a tissue. I moved into this home, met the family, got to know them, respect them, and felt their pain, love, and fears. We are taught to fear what we don’t know, what looks different or is different then what we are comfortable with. I hope this book helps people to step back and just accept we are all different, and it’s ok.

A friend recommended this book and I enjoyed the read very much. The subject is thorny but the characters are so warm and real that it makes for a very good read. I did some research as I read the novel into Buddhism, Thai culture and transgender information. I believe that love, acceptance, enlightenment and optimism are the themes of this book and I would recommend it to book clubs everywhere.

Taking a controversial subject, so relevant to our contemporary lives is in itself not enough to make a book a good read. This one rambles on and on with endless superficial conversations and very little action. Chat between characters is written as staccato sound bites, so that one loses track of who is saying what. No idea what the ending is because I gave up.

I loved this book and how the author dealt so honestly and openly with the topic of gender identity. Being a good parent can be very challenging, but Penn and Rosie were surely dedicated to doing right by their son/daughter Claude/Poppy. They certainly made mistakes but they exemplified the true meaning of unconditional love. Now if more people could open their hearts and minds to what constitutes normal, the world would definitely be a better place.

The author sucks you in with great character development and a very touching story. I kept thinking, what would I do as a parent? Love this book for all the above reasons! Thank you for writing and giving a platform to accept differences.

This book needed to be written since we have such large numbers of people with gender dysphoria. A sad story when you try to imagine being born in the wrong body. Written from the parents perspective, it tore at my heart, since most parents just want their children to be happy and to fit in.

2.5 STARS - I'm going to start this review by applauding the author for bringing the topic of raising a transgender child to her readers. But while the subject matter is important, and the author brings some of her personal experience to the story, this book was a struggle for me.

I think it's important to have books that focus on LGBTQ issues and I went into this book wanting a bird's eye view of what it's like to raise a transgender child. I wanted to understand the different perspectives of various family members - their frustrations, fears etc for their child/sibling. But I didn't get that connection to the characters. Instead, we're given a family who was too perfect to be believable. There wasn't enough hesitation, fear, doubt, concern etc by Claude's family members and any complications were easily solved without major outbursts but with a quick discussion, sometimes leaving readers with hard to believe results. A lot of focus was on their day-to-day family dialogue which didn't give readers better insight into the characters but was used to spoon feed readers on the issues surrounding gender dysphoria/transgender which gave the book a teachy, artificial feel.

This book has a lot of heart and will instigate discussion, but I can't help but feel that this isn't 'how it always is' when a family has a transgender child. It lacked the tension, emotion and real struggle that I think many transgender people face. It focuses on a weak main story line with several smaller tangents (the 'trip' story line didn't work for me at all) and readers are left with everything neatly wrapped up in the end.

This was a sweet read that has a fairy tale quality to it but I was hoping for a more realistic portrayal of a family and child who are struggling with the issues surrounding gender dysphoria.

Considering that I came upon this book by chance and not design, it can only be fate or kismet. I can't say enough good things about this novel, and I read a lot of books. This is much more than a book about a transgender child: it covers so much more territory, and is woven together so artfully. In the 1980s I read Lynne Sharon Schwartz to get the pulse on today but decades have passed and Frankel seems to have been passed the baton.

Her novel moved me, made me smile, made me laugh, made me sad. It gets my highest praise: "a book to live in".

Check it out and live in it for a while - you might learn a thing or two....

Thought it would be funny and interesting after the first chapter. It then became increasingly unrealistic, contrived, redundant , ridiculous, and ultimately too irritating to finish. The glowing reviews absolutely confound me. Read Middlsex if the topic intrigues you. Read most anything else if quality literature intrigues you.

I've been a fan of Laurie Frankel's work for a long time and this is her best novel yet. The touching and timely story of Claude--the youngest of five boys who announces at the age of five that he'd like to become a girl--is a perfect pick for book clubs as there is so much to unpack here.Parents Rosie and Penn struggle not with loving their child, that's unconditional, but how to guide her through the potential minefield of growing up trans. But as the title suggests, the story of this family, despite their extraordinary circumstances, is like that of any other; they do the best the can with the curve balls life throws at them, and they love each other no matter what.

This book does many things well, including holding my interest. But that wasn't easy, considering the many nagging contrivances and implausibilities that keep me from wanting to recommend it. The child at the center of this book, Poppy/Claude, a startlingly bright intersex child, is probably the only character for whom I felt complete empathy. She is the youngest in a family of five, and none of her siblings bear any resemblance to interesting or necessary characters. Her parents - MD mom and at-home writer dad - struggle with how to keep or share the unusual nature of their child's sexual ambiguity. It's tedious, and totally far-fetched when a mission of mercy to a clinic in Thailand becomes theor point of revelation. What kind of family practice sends one of its doctors on such a mission to win the admiration of potential new pateints? This is no Middlesex, to my mind the gold-standard of novels about the struggles of being transgender.

In truth, more like 4.5 stars.

In a world where gender lines are slowly becoming more fluid, here is a book that explores all the subtlety involved in a family where one child appears to be transgender. Well worth reading this bestseller!

Two loving parents, Rosie and Penn, are living in Wisconsin when they begin seeing signs that one of their five sons, Claude, may actually think of himself as a female. Thinking little of it initially, over time, they begin increasingly to address the complexities of making Clause feel ok about whatever he wants to be. And no surprise, it’s not easy.

There are teachers and administrators to deal with. There are the other children in the family who at times are more subject to the pressures exerted by their peers. There are other parents whose attitudes may not as accepting or liberal. And there is the huge task of weighing the needs of one child against those of the other six members of this family.

The questions are profound. Do they tell close friends or keep this a secret within the family? Should they move so that Claude can “start over” as a girl? What about balancing Rosie's demanding career as an emergency room physician with the special needs of her family? And of course, the big question: what happens when puberty hits?

This novel covers a ten-year span and I think what I liked best, aside from the parents’ commitment to love Claude no matter what, was that despite how earnest and committed they are to do the right thing, being transgender is still a difficult path in today's American society. Much more so than in some other parts of the world. I think this book helps to normalize the transgender experience, certainly makes it believable, and helps put this particular issue in the context as just one of many issues that all parents face as they try to raise responsible and caring human beings. 

There’s a lot of humor in the writing. And wonderfully creative bedtime stories created by Penn (a writer) to help his children understand what is happening within their family. And I now feel I have more understanding of and am better sensitized to transgender people. For that reason alone, I highly recommend the book to everyone.

This Is How It Always Is by Frankel is a novel that tries very hard to bring us enlightenment in understanding the transgender journey.It begins by immersing us in the daily life of a big loving family. It is a family of four to begin with. Rosie is the working physician mom.Penn is the stay at home author father and there are two sets of very bright and active twin boys. Juggling life and maintaining a functioning household shows Frankel at her best in the novel. She brings a humor to this crazy whirlwind of a house brimming with life, love and activity. Into this crazy mix a fifth child is born but not the girl Rosie and Penn dreamed of. Their fifth child is Claude who until age three is another boy who enters the frenzied world of a busy family. At age three Claude asks to wear a dress and here begins a journey of coming to terms with a transgender child. Wearing a dress is not a passing fancy as first thought and as the reality of the situation becomes clear to the family there are difficult decisions to make, hardships to endure and secrets to be held.The author allows us to follow the innocent Poppy's path navigating a world where she is not the norm. The reader learns a great deal about the transgender experience as Poppy's parents open our eyes to such things as hormone blockers and puberty suppression.The use of Penn's fairytale tries to make the reader aware of the inner struggle of a transgender child . This sometimes backfires as the fairytale goes on and on and on . A third portion in Thailand did not work for this reader. This section seemed to break the flow of the first two sections. In her effort to bring enlightenment the author pounded us with Buddah connections that seemed far fetched. The portion with family was the authors strong suit and in Thailand the family disappeared as patients in a clinic took the forefront. All in all, the novel does strike a deep chord in understanding the plight of being a transgender child. Frankel, being the mother of a transgender child herself, brings a sensitivity to this complex and misunderstood topic. It is a book that opens eyes, touches hearts and enlightens minds. It is a superb book club selection.

>Book Review – This is How It Always Is
>I am an independent reviewer. This book is a standalone work of fiction. Rosie and Penn are married with 5 boys. Each of the boys has a distinct personality. One son is so bright that he skips a grade and is in school with his older brother. The story never mentions that this brother is ever teased regarding being so young in an upper grade. There are twins who like to pretend to be superheroes. Once again, they aren’t teased for their love of dress up. The youngest boy, however, likes to dress up as a girl and is teased so much the family has to move across the country.
>This family is really fun. The scenes with the family just interacting with each other are so fun. Penn is a Mr. Mom and really loves his role. He is a writer and part of the book is his made up bed time fairy tale that tends to mirror whatever is happening in the family’s life. The main point of this book is to figure out, not just gender identity, but what are black, white and shades of grey. When is it okay to lie and when should you be yourself.
>This book is appropriate for an adult audience. I am giving this book 4 stars. I felt the end of the story, with Poppy going back to the school after his secret is out is a bit unrealistic. Poppy feels acceptance from the Buddhist religion, but his classmates did have have such an epiphany.

I had never really thought about kids who feel like they were born the wrong sex until this book, and this sweet story was eye-opening. There were times when I wanted to cry for the main character, Claude, and Laurie Frankel does an amazing job of portraying the characters in a way such that the reader feels like he or she really knows them and has a "stake" in their wellbeing. Moreover, this book helped to shed light on an incredibly important issue (suicide is incredibly common amongst transgender teenagers) without being too political or too droning — it shed light on this issue by telling a story of human, and showing how we are all alike. It didn't tell a story from an ultra-liberal point of view where as the reader, if you weren't fully comfortable with these things, you felt odd - it told a story from a point of view of confused parents who, like all other parents, just want to make their kids happy - want to do enough to ensure their kids can put a smile on their faces.
At a time when the book Wonder is read by adults and students alike to shed light on issues surrounding bullying those who do not look like us, it is incredibly important to read a book like this one and gain some perspective on the issue, as well as a deeper sense of empathy for those who cannot help but feel that they don't identify with the gender they were born as.

In addition to all of these things, it was a quick and fun read, and a page turner as well. There were some slow parts in the beginning, but as soon as I got into the story, I was invested in Penn & Rosie's household.

Who should read this book? Well, first of all EVERYONE - especially if you are someone who feels uncomfortable with transgender individuals.
But more specifically, parents, especially those that have children in elementary, middle, or even high school - teach your children the impact that bullying can have (you will see through this book), even if unintentional. I read this book as a college student, and I can now say I feel horrible for some of the things I have thought throughout the years, and hope I never hurt anyone.

Lastly, I personally enjoy books that are engaging books (where you don't feel it's a chore to read the book) and written well, but also have a deeper message. This book isn't a nonfiction book, it's not a memoir, it is a quick fun type of read, but at the same time - while you are breezing through pages, while it is a fiction book, you are also widening your worldview and gaining a ton from it, even if you don't realize while reading.

This Is How It Always Is is, without a doubt, one of the most emotional and important books I've ever read, and it's going to resonate with me for a long, long time.

At its core, this is a story about family, about learning to embrace and celebrate change, and about fairy tales and how happily ever after might not exist ... but that's okay because it isn't a happy ending you should be striving for, but a happy now.

There's something instantly recognizable in the hectic Walsh-Adams family. The anecdotal nature of the storyline makes it easy to find something to connect with, whether it's the challenges of parenthood or the endless frenzy of a bunch of siblings. Aspiring novelist Penn and resourceful doctor Rosie already bring diverse personalities to the table as parents, and the chaos of having four boys in the household creates an loving environment equal parts open and unpredictable. There's surly Roo, precocious Ben, and the wild twins Orion and Rigel. And then, of course, there's Claude.

When Claude begins to express his desire to grow up to be a girl, it's refreshing how willingly his family embraces the idea and allows him to become Poppy. But the safe haven of their household can't blanket the entire world, and closed minds and brushes with violence prompt the family to relocate to more liberal Seattle. Suddenly, the promise of a fresh start and the question of whose business is Poppy's history anyways has the Walsh-Adams unintentionally keeping a secret that feels weightier and riskier with every year that passes. Until suddenly it's not a secret anymore.

I loved everything about this novel: the push-and-pull of Penn and Rosie's personalities, both of them wanting the very best for their daughter; the fierce protectiveness of Poppy's older brothers, loyal at times almost to a fault; the harsh truth that even the best of intentions can be hurtful.

My absolute favorite part was the ongoing motif of family story time, a tradition born out of the fairy tale Penn crafted to woo Rosie in the first place. I loved how the story grew to incorporate the kids' problems, and how Poppy eventually came to take the reins and make it her own. It was incredibly rewarding to watch the story spend a lifetime growing and changing and adapting - not unlike Penn and Rosie's relationship, their children, themselves - until it became so much more than just a bedtime tale for their family alone.

This Is How It Always Is tackles so many important and relevant issues and serves as a reminder that you never have any clue what the person, the family, next to you is going through. An open heart and mind can go such a long way. I simply can't recommend this book enough. 5 stars. Without a doubt, 5 stars.

This book was a great change of pace for me. I've recently been binging on psychological thrillers and I needed something that wasn't so twisty or frankly anything that was a similar story.

This was our Book Club pick this month so I was hoping it would meet my expectations and it really did. I wasn't sure who the author was going to tackle this gender identity in question subject but I think she did a great job.

We first meet Claude. His parents had 4 boys before him and they were really hoping for a girl. However when he comes into this world it's a 5th boy for the family. When Claude starts to grow up he puts on dresses, likes to paint his nails and likes to wear makeup. I think this is where the family struggle starts. They're excited that they have a child who is doing all the things a daughter would do however how do they protect this child from the harsh world that may not be so accepting?

There's a lot of rawness in this book. We see sexuality slurs and the harsh reality of how people in the world can portray someone who was maybe born as one gender but identifies with the other. It initially bothered me but then I realized that the author needed to have this in there because this is today's world and it's just a face that people aren't as accepting as we'd hope they'd be

I think Laurie Frankel does a great job of portraying what it's really like for children and their families who go through this on a daily basis. I enjoyed that she didn't sugar coat this topic and really dove into it. I also learned that she herself has a child who has gone through this.

I recommend everyone pick this book up and read it. I think that it can enlightened some people who aren't as well educated on this topic and may even open some minds.

Just finished This is How It Always Is by Laurie Frankel.

Amazing.
Absolutely amazing.

It is a book about a transgender child.
It is a book about family, marriage, expectations, and secrets.

I sometimes fall in love with authors. I fall in love with their use of words, their use of punctuation. Sometimes I just fall for the whole package.

This book was one where I fell in love with the whole package.
I want to find Laurie Frankel and convince her to be my best friend.
I want her to throw words at me.
I want to read over her shoulder while she writes, a book, a note to the mortgage company, a shopping list. I don't care. I just want to read her words. But perversely, because I am nothing if not perverse, I am afraid to read another book of hers in case I don't feel the same love, the same "I would stalk you but I haven't the time or the money to" feeling.

I savored this book. I felt it in my soul. I felt it in my heart. I sometimes felt it in my stomach.

This book will make you look at your family dynamics. It will make you look at how far you will go to protect your child, and how far your child will go to protect you.

It has love and light. It has pain. It has growth on levels you don't even know exist. But at the end, it is a book about family, with its foibles, with its misconceptions, with its passion.

Rosie and Penn have 5 sons. When their youngest, Claude, is very young he decides he would be happier being a girl rather than a boy. His parents and brothers are accepting of his choice, but advise (because of his young age) that some things are best kept secret. How long can a secret stay a secret? And what about when Claude reaches adolescence?

A wonderful story about a family supporting each other, coping with changes and making mistakes along the way. At times I wondered if such a wonderful family could really exist, but it was part of the enjoyment of the book that downtimes were acknowledged but the positive, and gentle, theme of the book was at all times maintained.

The narrator was great; she read the different voices well and was very clear.

5*s from me for a number of reasons. The main theme of how to support a child in Claude's position was very thought provoking, and the main characters really came alive as the story progressed. As an audio book it was easy to put down and pick up, without losing the thread. I've been talking about this uplifting book with so many people, which for me is a sign of a really good book!

Suitable for all ages.

missed so many great books last year.

It was a tough year, and my reading for the first few months really suffered. I couldn’t concentrate on reading (although I found myself listening to a lot of old favorite books on Audible). Somehow, through lots of listening and a big comeback, I completed my Goodreads Reading Challenge 22 days before the end of the year.

YAY ME!!!

There were some really good books that I missed, and I knew I missed, in the first part of the year. Luckily for me, some of my favorite publishing contacts sent me a few of the books I missed so I could catch up before they were released in paperback.

One of those was This Is How It Always Is by Laurie Frankel. I knew I was missing a good one, but just couldn’t fit it in. But I took the time last month to catch up.

And it was so worth it.

Reading This Is How It Always Is was a wonderful experience. Each of these characters is wonderful drawn and real, and Frankel pulls the readers in with the ordinariness of their lives. Of course, the ordinary is never ordinary.

The dilemma comes in trying to do the right thing. When the Walsh-Adams family moves across the country, from their rural farmhouse to the more liberal Seattle, they decide to keep the fact that their daughter was born a boy a secret. And you know a secret is going to be uncovered eventually.

Although I’m not the mother of a transgender child, I felt the confusion and pain Rosie and Penn (the parents) had to fight. Having a child with Down syndrome is nothing like having a transgender child, but then again it is. I felt their pain in fighting the school system to include a child just the way she is, and to hope and pray that the other children can just accept her for the incredible person she is. Hoping that they can look past her differences and see the bubbly, effusive, wonderfulness that is my daughter.

The Walsh-Adams family doesn’t set out to keep Poppy’s truth a secret, but it falls on them and they decide to take the easy path for a few years. Secrets are never good, but who knows what the right thing is in this situation? Who knows what I would do? Embracing your own child and his or her own differences is the easy part (usually), but protecting them from the rest of the world is much harder. Sometimes (often) the world doesn’t accept the different in the world, even when it is a child. If you can protect a child from that for even just a few years, whose to say you wouldn’t? I can’t say I wouldn’t have done the same thing.

After I finished the book, I learned that Frankel has a transgender child, so many of the feelings are real and first hand. But, like any good author, she took her life and made it fictional. Because she has her own experiences parenting a transgender child, she’s able to make readers connect deeply to their child (Poppy, who was born Claude), and to the whole Walsh-Adams family.

The only real problem I had with this story is the ease in which the Walsh-Adams have it in the world. The other day I read an article about families of special needs children picking and choosing school districts for the programs — and how that is really an upper-middle class choice (we got pretty lucky with our school district, and have been even luckier with teachers and advocates). How much harder it is to advocate for a child with special needs if you don’t have the luxury of being able to move easily.

I felt that way about the Walsh-Jennings. Claude was born into a wonderfully accepting, liberal family that accepted Poppy, which is definitely not always the case. And then they had the ability to move across the country, to a new, more liberal city. And one parent (in this case dad) was able to stay home and be there for all the kids and the issues they might be having. And then, when things got tough, mom had the ability and the need to go across the world, talking Poppy with her, where they could figure it all out in a different locale.

I just kept thinking, that if it was this hard for a family of means with open minds, how hard is it for a child with less, and/or a child with closed minded parents?!!!

But this wasn’t the story Frankel chose to tell, and the story she does tell is beautiful and honest. The ending is wonderful, if a little fairy tale-ish (and even involves a fairy tale), but I love a good happy ending.

This was probably my favorite book I read in November. A lovely, beautiful story, and one that I suggest everyone read.

Becoming a parent changes a person's life permanently and in ways that cannot be explained or expected. Each child is different and the responsibilities that go with parenting each child challenge as nothing else can. Laurie Frankel's novel, This is How It Always Is gives an exhaustive look at how difficult it is to guide a child, never mind five children, through the first years of life. The parents, Rosie and Penn, are bright, in love, and quite inventive as young parents in Madison, Wisconsin. Rosie begins as an ER resident, and Penn is a writer and the parent who stays at home with the babies as they arrive in rapid order, totaling five.

Rosie and Penn immerse themselves in family life and expertly handle each hurdle that comes at them. They make family life fun and exciting with precocious children challenging them at each turn. I loved all their quirky traditions, especially story time when Penn used a blank notebook and made up stories rather than reading from a book that wouldn't be easy to share with a group of five. Penn's stories took on a significant role in guiding the kids through life's trials and tribulations. I loved it when all five were happy and sleeping peacefully after story time.

The book is a novel so conflict must enter the picture. LF crafted a situation that pulled me into the book, made my heart race and pushed me to read through to the end. I appreciate all the work that went into imagining, researching, and writing this novel which will, I think, break ground and serve as an educational tool for everyone, especially those not familiar with the LGBT community. Courage is a requisite of all humans who choose to raise children in today's world. I loved this book, and I think it certainly adds tools to the kit needed by all parents.

This novel is a about a family with four boys, with the mother a doctor and the father a writer/poet. The fifth child is also a boy, but at age three, Claude just wants to wear dresses. This novel spans Claude / Poppy's life from age 3 to 10, as the child and parents struggle with issues of gender identity. I was a little hesitant about this when I noticed most reviewers seemed to be female. I am a male father of three sons, and a teacher who teaches transgender kids. There was a lot attracting me to this novel. The start of the book felt more like a chick lit romance, and I almost stopped. I am glad that I continued, though. This book and family slowly grew on me, and was filled with many painful and touching moments. This also had flaws. For one thing, I felt like the characters were fictional. They never transformed into the real people who come alive in great novels. Nevertheless, I still cared about them and about the situations I found them in. The "fairy tale" thread, especially at the end, seemed over the top to me. Still, as a whole, I was entertained and drawn in by this family story, and I feel I better understand the issues of transgender children. The story mostly stopped short of being too preachy.

Thank you NetGalley and Flatiron Publishing for an advance copy for my review.
This is How it Always Is immediately grabbed me as a wonderful story about marriage and family. Yes, the plot is driven by the child with gender dysphoria, but each of the characters are imbued with such authentic detail that Penn, Rosie and their children ALL wormed their way into my heart. The minutiae of their family life felt so familiar and intimate: from the details like the names given for the kids rooms (the self proclaimed 'shark cave' or parent named POH for 'pit of hell'), to those terrifyingly familiar moments of parenting decisions.

"When was the last time something was bothering one of the kids or he was acting strange or he wasn't sleeping or doing well in math or sharing nicely during free-choice time, and we knew why?" "Knew why?" Rosie said. "Knew why. Absolutely knew what was wrong and what should be done to fix it and how to make that happen." "As a parent?" "As a parent." "Never?" "Never," Penn agreed. "Not ever. Not once. You never know. You only guess. This is how it always is. You have to make these huge decisions on behalf of your kid, this tiny human whose fate and future is entirely in your hands, who trusts you to know what's good and right and then to be able to make that happen. You never have enough information. You don't get to see the future."

DAMN. This novel is full of these sharp observations about life as a parent and how everything affects the family as a whole. At times it almost felt like an editorial, but with great breadth and depth of emotion: I laughed, I cried, I clutched my hand to my heart. And, of course, it's a fascinating portrait of a transgender child - written by a parent of a transgender child. As progressive as I am, I felt like I learned SO MUCH and gained even more perspective on this timely issue. It is not at all heavy handed, but we can all learn from someone so brave to share a part of her story. You can read more about Laurie in this Seattle Times article. It sparked great conversation at the dinner table with my husband and he directed me to this article he found enlightening from National Geographic, which is also worth a read.

I must say that the complex message in the blurb is what first attracted my curiosity I had heard or seen nothing about the hype of this book until recently which is good for me, I could walk in open minded and away from distractions from the hype.

The first half of the book was a struggle for me. There is a huge amount of narration and not much dialogue although at times even the dialogue was hard for me to follow at times to.

I got it though. I got the gist of it all.

This is a good modern times family that accept things, like they have accepted Claude their young son who needs to be Poppy.
We learn from the start the complexity of her sons feelings at an early age.

It's a powerful book with a message.

There are some fun things that will make you smile.

I've given it a 3 star simply because I really struggled reading this, not because of the subject matter, not because of the complexity, more from the readers POV in keeping with it.

My thanks to Headline via Net Galley for my copy

Rosie and Penn are a bit of an amazing love story. They both knew they'd fall in love before they even met. Now they have five rambunctious kids, a farmhouse in Wisconsin, and a crazy, wonderful life. Things get a little more complicated, however, when their youngest son, Claude, starts wanting to wear a dress to preschool. Claude wants long hair with barrettes. Claude wants to be a princess when he grows up. Rosie and Penn are supportive of Claude: they just want their children to be happy, after all. But they soon realize Claude isn't just going through a phase. Claude has gender dysphoria, and their son wants to become a little girl named Poppy. The family is willing to support Poppy, but Rosie and Penn make the decision to do so in secret. But secrets don't stay kept forever.

This is a fascinating, heartbreaking, and beautiful book. It's filled with endearing characters, and I will certainly be recommending it to many people. I had a few issues with some of the realism aspects (more on that below), but I loved its details about raising children (of all kinds) and its humor. Penn, Rosie, and their kids are real.

Woven and embedded throughout this novel is a fairytale that Penn tells his children--starting with when his first boys were babies--and in some ways, the novel itself has its own fairytale moments. Frankel mentions that she does have a child who used to be a little boy and is now a little girl, but the story is not about her daughter. It is, she writes, "an act of imagination, an exercise in wish fulfillment." Still, you can imagine her as a supportive parent. That's certainly not everyone's experience. Does that mean everyone has to write a novel where the child's parents throw them out and society shames them? No. Would I have liked to have a seen a little more of a realistic take on how Poppy and her parents would deal with her secret and how those around her would take it? Maybe. It's not that the family doesn't have hardship, because they do, and Frankel does a good job showing that it takes a bit of a toll on her clan of brothers, as well. But--and I don't want to go into too much, as I don't want to give spoilers--I felt the resolution to the story was a bit pat. Much like Penn's fairytales, it seems to allow things to just wrap up quickly easily. So that was a little problematic for me. But, I didn't feel as irritated after reading Frankel's afterword, because I realize that this novel--for her--is indeed an "exercise in wish fulfillment." This is what she wants in the world. I won't lie: it's what I wish for as well. And perhaps reading novels like this, featuring a wonderful, precocious little boy who can become a wonderful, beautiful, mostly accepted little girl, is a great first step.

The novel is intricate and very detailed, though quite well-written. It's heartbreaking in Penn and Rosie's realization that Claude wants to be a girl and what that will mean for him and the family. They only want for their children to be happy. Frankel does an excellent job at portraying how adults and children can see the world so differently--in terms of gender and much more. As a parent, I often found myself wondering about what I'd do in their situation: it's a book that gets you thinking, for sure. In the end, I loved the family very much and was quite invested in their happiness. Again, another reason why I would have liked a slightly more developed ending after having gone through so much with them.

Still, this is a lovely, timely book. No matter some of the issues I had, I still enjoyed it and certainly recommend it.

I was disappointed in this book primarily because (although the little Claude/Poppy at the story's center is a likeable child and a sympathetic character) everybody else was over-the-top quirky. Enforced quirkiness. All characters draped with things like too many accessories that screamed, see? aren't I madcap and wacky? What a clever, odd, captivating family we are. This was distracting--too much 'author' intruding on the scenes for my taste. If it had been toned down a bit, the characters would've been more believable to me.

Also, I dislike books in which epic speeches and position statements are placed in the mouths of characters so they can have multi-page op-ed discussions about topics, as in the last part of "The Jungle." To me that turns a story/characters into mouthpieces. The topic of this book is a very important one and discussions need to take place, but I find it tedious when a novel is really "point/counterpoint" most of the way through.

This Is How It Always Is is a character-driven story about a family who’s youngest son starts identifying as a girl around age 5. I found the topic and emotions to be fascinating, but the details about every member of the family were too much for me. I like to get to know characters when reading a book, but I am always more interested in plot than character development. It felt necessary to examine both parents in this story, but it was sometimes too much, especially in regards to the mother’s career.

I loved learning about Claude and his transformation into Poppy. I adored the father, Penn, and his story-telling with all of the kids. Rosie, the mom, kind of drove me crazy. It’s hard to know how I would handle their situation, but I couldn’t deal with the way she was handling it.

This book would be a PERFECT book club book, and I was really wishing I’d read it with other people, so I could talk about it. There is a lot of thought provoking content. It would make for great discussion!

I enjoyed listening to this book, but as much as I loved the content, I just couldn’t rate it more than 3 stars. It just dragged on too long, with too many extraneous details.

Blog: Opinionated Book Lover

What if your loving pre-school son preferred dresses, playing with girls, and pretending being a princess—not just sometimes but all the time, consistently? What if as he grew, he didn’t change? What would you say? What would you tell teachers, neighbors, friends? What counsel would you get? How would you deal with the distress your child felt when challenged and ridiculed by others, as well as with the distress when not being able to live as a girl?

Those are the questions Laurie Frankel poses in her semi-autobiographical novel. The title is drawn from a conversation the parents have regarding what to do. As a parent, you never know exactly what is the right thing to do, how to fix things. “You have to make huge decisions on behalf of your kid, this tiny human being whose fate and future is entirely in your hands, who trusts you to know what’s good and right and then to be able to make it happen. You never have enough information. You don’t get to see the future” (84). This how it always is being a parent. So you do your best.

And we feel the anxiety, the tension, the questions the parents face. And we feel compassion for their child and for their parents, as we should.

This novel can profitably be paired with Mark Yarhouse’s excellent book Understanding Gender Dysphoria. He also calls for compassion for transgender children who clearly did not choose their inclinations. At the same time Yarhouse, a psychologist who has had many transgender people as clients and studied the issue extensively, generally calls for a go-slow, minimally invasive approach for both parents and those who are transgender. The unspoken assumption of Frankel’s book tends toward fully embracing transgender identity.

Both books offer a valuable window into a challenging dimension of our culture.

This story has so much heart. Rosie and Penn have five sons and the youngest of their sons decides as a very young child that he wants to be a girl. The family struggles with how to deal with it with starts and stops along the way. It covers the period the youngest child is ages five to ten. The father is a writer and tells his children fairy tales that tie into their lives. I enjoy a story-within-a-story in a book and liked that part of it very much. The time set in Thailand is interesting. Many of the sentences were a bit challenging, not just because of the length but also the structure, and I did have to read a few sentences more than once.

With a well-written book I often wonder how much the author researched a major plot line and this author provides details in her author's note at the end. It caught me by surprise but she certainly is qualified to pen a fictionalized account of a family with a transgender child.

Rosie and Penn loved their four sons, without question. But always in the back of Rosie’s mind was the tiniest bit of disappointment, the tiniest wish that she could have a daughter and name her Poppy, after her own sister who died when she was a child. When Rosie finds herself pregnant again, though, the result is another boy --- a Claude, not a Poppy.

Or so they assume, until their precocious child starts to walk, talk, and ask to wear princess dresses and fairy wings. At first Rosie and Penn, who pride themselves on their progressivism and cherish their deliberately quirky family (Rosie is an ER doctor, Penn is an aspiring --- and struggling --- novelist), allow Claude to wear his fairy wings and pink bikini at home. But soon Claude is requesting to wear dresses to school and asks to be renamed, that’s right, Poppy.

The family’s home town of Madison, Wisconsin, is an open-minded university town. But kindergartners are hardly known for their tolerance, and after a series of troubling incidents, Rosie, in particular, begins to wonder if the family would do better in a totally different environment, one where they can make a fresh start. So, despite the protestations of their oldest son, the family moves halfway across the country to Seattle, where Rosie starts work at a family practice and their youngest child is known as Poppy from day one.

Keeping Poppy’s biological sex a secret isn’t something that Rosie and Penn deliberately decide; it just kind of happens. And when Poppy is soon surrounded by a tight group of girlfriends who love and accept her, the secret seems even less urgent to reveal. But as years go by and puberty lurks on the not-so-distant horizon, the question of how to approach Poppy’s gender with family, friends and even Poppy herself becomes increasingly urgent --- and increasingly unclear.

Laurie Frankel knows of what she writes in THIS IS HOW IT ALWAYS IS. She herself is raising a transgender daughter, so she understands the complexities and nuances of these issues in a very personal and, obviously, sympathetic way. At times, the story risks romanticizing the transgender narrative, as Penn regales his sons with a years-long bedtime story whose allegory stretches to encompass their personal dramas and struggles. However, she also illustrates some of the ethical quandaries at the heart of raising a transgender child: Do supportive parents encourage their child to suppress hormones before puberty, for example, and to pursue significant components of gender transition perhaps before a child is ready to make decisions independently? Or do they wait until a child is old enough to pursue that choice, even if physical changes of puberty are already well advanced?

Throughout, the family’s story valorizes difference and offers a heartening portrait of the loving, accepting ways in which parents can embrace difference and recognize their children as beloved individuals. Frankel’s author’s note ends with the sentence, “I know this book will be controversial, but honestly? I keep forgetting why.” Readers will likely agree with her after they’ve spent time with this loving, thoughtful family and witnessed their ability to struggle without ever losing sight of love.

Reviewed by Norah Piehl

WOW!! Kudos to Laurie Frankel, author or "This is How it Always Is". The genre of this book is Fiction, but in the author's notes she courageously writes that the motivation comes from her living with a family member with the same issues.

Rosie and Penn have five children. Rosie is a Physician and Penn is a writer, and tells the children made up fairy tales. The baby of the family Claude is different. Claude loves to wear dresses, play with dolls, wears jewelry, Barrettes in his hair,and approaches life differently than his brothers.Claude is happiest when can do this.Rosie and Penn want to see their children happy. Claude draws himself with long hair and dresses.At first his parents feel that all children go through phases.

This is a controversial topic that is spoken about currently, but I feel that many of these issues just have always existed but never were addressed as openly. Children(and adults) can be devastatingly cruel, be bullies, and do not accept whatever the "norm" should be. It is not often that we speak of transgender children, sometimes as young as three.

Laurie Frankel gives me much to think about. Should answers be black and white, yes or no? Does a person have to make up their mind if they feel they are a girl/boy? Is it so simple? Should society force families to keep a "secret" if their feelings don't conform to what is supposedly expected?

I love the way that Laurie Frankel writes about family, love, support and acceptance I also feel that the hardest job in life is to be a parent. Of course, we want to see our children happy, but can we admit that we have certain expectations that might be or not be in our children's best interest?

I highly recommend this intriguing novel. It is so very different and unique, and Laurie Frankel's descriptions are amazing!

My favorite reading experience is to open up a book, not knowing anything about it, with the assurance of many trusted bookish peoples seal of approval. Ashamedly I will admit that if I had been the synopsis of this one, I may not have been so anxious to pick it up. But words can’t express how grateful I am that I did. For those of you that don’t know anything about this story, in short, it’s about a family raising their 5th son who they recognize to be unique from their previous boys at a very early age and reveals to them at 3 that when he grows up he wants to be a girl. Now, before you judge me for having any hesitation about wanting to read this, I have always been a loud advocate for equality for people of any and all kinds- sexual orientation, religion, race, you name it. 5 years ago I was raped in a bathroom by a complete stranger and it was shortly after that the public debate about allowing trans people use the bathroom of their preference began. I have always been so confused on my feelings about that for a number of reasons, mostly because using public restrooms in any capacity still makes me very anxious, but the thought of seeing a man in the bathroom makes me feel like I’m on the verge of a panic attack. No one that I have a relationship with, at least to my knowledge, is a trans person, so as a privileged person who easily fit into the body I was born with and the accompanied gender norms, my selfish fears shadowed my ability for compassion at the lack of equality our culture has shown them. Thanks to this book, I now get it. This book truly broke me. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since I started and it has raised so many questions in my head, about what I would do in so many hard situations that the characters deal with, both the child, the parents, the siblings, the teachers, the friends. All because of a person not fitting into a box, boy or girl. This makes me think of all the different boxes that I don’t necessarily fit snugly into the norm of, for example I’m not solely a stay at home mom or a working mom, I’m both. My daily life isn’t affected by that, as Poppy/Claude’s is. How is that fair? It brought to mind one of the songs from my little girls favorite show, Daniel Tiger, “You can be more than one thing!” And we all can. I’m a mother, a wife, a business owner, a reader, a sister, a daughter, etc. We can seem to understand all of those roles, but because it’s not as common, our culture has not accepted those that in some ways classify as both a boy and a girl. This book was so well written, so necessary, and taught me so much. What it reinforces to me most is that it’s true that we as people fear what we don’t understand and it’s so crucial to educate yourself about things that make you uncomfortable. A MUST read.

Rosie and Penn are living the dream. Rosie is an ER doc in a busy Washington hospital. Penn manages their sprawling farmhouse and works on his novel while their five beautiful boys are at school. Sounds like the beginning of an afterschool special. And it sort of is – or should be. Claude, their youngest, most precocious, brilliant little boy is starting kindergarten and wants to wear a dress to school. The parents; educated, open minded, and busy raising a bunch of noisy boys - try to be understanding. The dress idea backfires and Claude winds up with a purse as a lunchbox. Teachers and administrators “say” they understand. But do they, really? Very quickly the questions become less straightforward, more complicated and some are just downright unanswerable. Claude wants to wear a pink bikini, grow his hair and take ballet. He wants to be “she” and would like to change his name to Poppy. With a house full of bright, creative children where individuality has always been encouraged, the parents allow this and more. When not everyone in their small town follows suit and a nightmare case in the ER leaves Rosie visibly shaken, the family moves thousands of miles away to begin again. Seattle seems the perfect location. Sadly, Rosie and Penn learn that secrets can’t stay buried forever, and the consequences affect the entire family. Their love has no limits and this is a rollercoaster ride they need to see through to the very end. No amount of medical knowledge (Rosie’s) and googling (Penn’s) can protect the parents from the heartbreak of a child’s tears. As the old saying goes: A parent can only be as happy as their least happy child. I highly recommend this educational, emotional and beautifully written novel by bestselling author Laurie Frankel. Her surprising sense of humor and heartfelt characters will leave you thinking about them long after you turn the final page. This should be read, this should be discussed.

This is a great novel about parenting a child who does not fit in. Claude is the 5th son of ER physician Rosie and at-home father/aspiring novelist Penn. Claude is intelligent, and loveable, and more than anything in the world, Claude wants to be a girl.

So much of parenting is just feeling your way along. You can read all the parenting advice in the world (I ought to know, I tried) but no book or blog or website can prepare you for actually being a parent. There are so many times when, as a parent, there is no "right" way to do things (feeding an infant, sleep training or not, potty training, I could go on...) There is only what is right for one's own family and one's own child.

This is the crisis at the center of Frankel's book. Claude cannot live and thrive as Claude any longer. Penn and Rosie cannot watch their child grow increasingly miserable. So, in spite of resistance and many questions from others in the community, Claude begins his life as Poppy. He becomes she, and the entire family takes steps to shelter her from the judgement of others and watches her bloom. For a few years, anyway.

This was a very timely, well-written book about parenting and supporting a non-gender-conforming child. Highly recommended!

I won this book in a giveaway from another author. I read the first page and for some reason found it momentarily convoluted. I thought, 'Oh God, I'll never make it through this'. Then I read the next page. I was not seen for days at home as I was totally immersed in this touching, at times heartbreaking, at times exhilarating novel. I admit to very little knowledge about transgender children, and maybe had some preconceived notions. I fell completely in love with Claude/Poppy, and I found myself wishing this child existed in the world but being scared for what the world would do to her. Laurie Frankel has opened up a world for enlightenment for the uninformed. I hope anyone who doesn't understand this way between will read this novel. I am eternally grateful for the look into what hit home to me as the same worries and changes and transformations we all experience growing up and being a parent to any child. Beautifully written. I was in awe.

Rosie and Penn are parents of five boys in Madison, Wisconsin. From a young age it was clear that their youngest son Claude was different from the other boys in the family. At three years old, when asked what he wanted to be when he grows up, he replied “a girl”. During the next few years his family observes him wearing dresses and barrettes in his hair.

Acting in the best interests of their child, Rosie and Penn are supportive of Claude’s feelings. He begins to transform into a girl named Poppy. Her parents make provisions with the school so that Claude can be Poppy outside of their home. Conflicts and hostilities develop from their community causing them to move. They relocate to Seattle where they seek a fresh start for Poppy and their family. In Seattle, they decide to keep her transgender status a secret. Ultimately, this causes stress and grief to the entire family.

This novel is about two parents seeking optimal choices for their family where one of their children is transgender. It is a strong reminder that we should judge less and embrace the differences in people. Laurie Frankel writes a heartfelt novel and has a transgender child.

Loved this book. The family were very three dimensional and the scenes of typical family chaos were so very real that they leapt off the page and put you right there. In many ways Rosie and Penn were the parents that I aspire to be: loving, open, welcoming, proud, inspiring even, although the secret that began innocently went to a whole other level until it itself became the problem.
As Poppy/Claude grows up you really celebrate her innocence and weep for her as the harsh realities of life begin to intrude, as a reader we laugh with the characters but also feel their conflict. They were all so beautifully portrayed that you took every single one into your heart. Read it!

I would never have picked this book up if not for the recommendation of a friend. I don't like preachy books or books with an agenda, and while this is a touch of both it's also an interesting and well written story. I would have preferred less "Hallmark feel good" stuff - who the heck has five boys who never fight and are all clever and cooperative? And how many spouses never fight and always have conversations which are cute and clever? And the minute the wife agreed to work in Thailand and take her son with her, I knew where this was going and found it a bit heavy handed. But all in all it was an enjoyable book and rounded out my understanding of gender dysphoria.

I can't even begin to tell you how lovely and heartbreaking and emotional and sad and inspiring - how, well, EVERYTHING this book is... I know it will take a lot of flak for the subject matter - a gender dysphoric child. Regardless of your position on the issue, this is a beautifully written story about family and love and secrets and being true to yourself. All of your selves. Whether people understand or see those selves or not. Whether you understand or see those selves or not.

It's really something - I just finished and am still working through a lot of what I read in my head, but HAD to recommend it. It is a deftly written tale, with so much wisdom about the importance of being who you are - not who people (any people - strangers, family, friends, or even the small scared sad voice inside the back corner of your own head who only comes out in the dead of night) say you are...

Rosie & Penn had a chaotic loving family of four boys. Although they would really have liked a daughter they welcomed number five son with joy. However from a very early age Claude wanted to wear a dress have 'girly' things and not conform to the male 'norm'. When asked what he wanted to be when he grew up his answer was , "A girl!" His brothers were all fairly eccentric in their own way, so at home it was happily accepted as being Claude's 'thing'. When Claude started pre- school things started to get complicated.

This was a well written book that raised many questions. Why do we have to conform to gender stereo types? Why is is so much more difficult for a boy to be a girl than a girl to be a boy? How do you support all those in your family when one member's needs impact on everyone?

This is well worth a read and I would like to thank Netgalley & the publisher for giving me the opportunity.

Interesting story about a family in transition with a child who is transgender. It is not a bad story but it is just simply not that interesting. I felt this family sacrificed their other four sons by asking them to keep secrets and lie to protect their youngest. The parents well-meaning intentions created chaos for their family. I know such a family personally and their ability to embrace their son's wishes have been inspiring to me. Again, not a bad book just not a great book. 3 stars. #book #books #read #reading #bookstagram #bookclub @annebogel #livinginfear

IG:@bookbimbo

This the second time over the past couple of years that I downloaded a sample of this book, not remembering what frustrated me so much the previous time. The problem is that the author takes forever to move the story forward while she rambles on and on in her apparent effort to write the great 19th century styled novel albeit with an intriguing contemporary topic.

So, with the prospect of more of the same wearisome verbiage and cliches, I have once again declined to purchase the entire book. At half of its $10 Kindle purchase price, I might have given the book a chance.

Although the topic is timely and well worth talking about, I didn't feel as if the story flowed naturally. I enjoyed getting to know the parents , Penn and Rosie, and their five children but so many of the situations seemed contrived. I have worked in middle school with families who have children who are questioning gender and this book just didn't feel entirely real. I DID appreciate being able to ride along in the minds of the characters and see the world they were seeing. I get that the issue is complex and Ms Frankel is skilled at presenting those complexities. I wasn't really able to connect with the characters, however, and characters are what matter to me in a novel. Kudos to the author though for presenting a novel that is centered around a topic that needs to be out in the open.

My favorite reading experience is to open up a book, not knowing anything about it, with the assurance of many trusted bookish peoples seal of approval. Ashamedly I will admit that if I had been the synopsis of this one, I may not have been so anxious to pick it up. But words can’t express how grateful I am that I did. For those of you that don’t know anything about this story, in short, it’s about a family raising their 5th son who they recognize to be unique from their previous boys at a very early age and reveals to them at 3 that when he grows up he wants to be a girl. Now, before you judge me for having any hesitation about wanting to read this, I have always been a loud advocate for equality for people of any and all kinds- sexual orientation, religion, race, you name it. 5 years ago I was raped in a bathroom by a complete stranger and it was shortly after that the public debate about allowing trans people use the bathroom of their preference began. I have always been so confused on my feelings about that for a number of reasons, mostly because using public restrooms in any capacity still makes me very anxious, but the thought of seeing a man in the bathroom makes me feel like I’m on the verge of a panic attack. No one that I have a relationship with, at least to my knowledge, is a trans person, so as a privileged person who easily fit into the body I was born with and the accompanied gender norms, my selfish fears shadowed my ability for compassion at the lack of equality our culture has shown them. Thanks to this book, I now get it. This book truly broke me. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since I started and it has raised so many questions in my head, about what I would do in so many hard situations that the characters deal with, both the child, the parents, the siblings, the teachers, the friends. All because of a person not fitting into a box, boy or girl. This makes me think of all the different boxes that I don’t necessarily fit snugly into the norm of, for example I’m not solely a stay at home mom or a working mom, I’m both. My daily life isn’t affected by that, as Poppy/Claude’s is. How is that fair? It brought to mind one of the songs from my little girls favorite show, Daniel Tiger, “You can be more than one thing!” And we all can. I’m a mother, a wife, a business owner, a reader, a sister, a daughter, etc. We can seem to understand all of those roles, but because it’s not as common, our culture has not accepted those that in some ways classify as both a boy and a girl. This book was so well written, so necessary, and taught me so much. What it reinforces to me most is that it’s true that we as people fear what we don’t understand and it’s so crucial to educate yourself about things that make you uncomfortable. A MUST read.

Rosie and Penn are living the dream. Rosie is an ER doc in a busy Washington hospital. Penn manages their sprawling farmhouse and works on his novel while their five beautiful boys are at school. Sounds like the beginning of an afterschool special. And it sort of is – or should be. Claude, their youngest, most precocious, brilliant little boy is starting kindergarten and wants to wear a dress to school. The parents; educated, open minded, and busy raising a bunch of noisy boys - try to be understanding. The dress idea backfires and Claude winds up with a purse as a lunchbox. Teachers and administrators “say” they understand. But do they, really? Very quickly the questions become less straightforward, more complicated and some are just downright unanswerable. Claude wants to wear a pink bikini, grow his hair and take ballet. He wants to be “she” and would like to change his name to Poppy. With a house full of bright, creative children where individuality has always been encouraged, the parents allow this and more. When not everyone in their small town follows suit and a nightmare case in the ER leaves Rosie visibly shaken, the family moves thousands of miles away to begin again. Seattle seems the perfect location. Sadly, Rosie and Penn learn that secrets can’t stay buried forever, and the consequences affect the entire family. Their love has no limits and this is a rollercoaster ride they need to see through to the very end. No amount of medical knowledge (Rosie’s) and googling (Penn’s) can protect the parents from the heartbreak of a child’s tears. As the old saying goes: A parent can only be as happy as their least happy child. I highly recommend this educational, emotional and beautifully written novel by bestselling author Laurie Frankel. Her surprising sense of humor and heartfelt characters will leave you thinking about them long after you turn the final page. This should be read, this should be discussed.

This is a great novel about parenting a child who does not fit in. Claude is the 5th son of ER physician Rosie and at-home father/aspiring novelist Penn. Claude is intelligent, and loveable, and more than anything in the world, Claude wants to be a girl.

So much of parenting is just feeling your way along. You can read all the parenting advice in the world (I ought to know, I tried) but no book or blog or website can prepare you for actually being a parent. There are so many times when, as a parent, there is no "right" way to do things (feeding an infant, sleep training or not, potty training, I could go on...) There is only what is right for one's own family and one's own child.

This is the crisis at the center of Frankel's book. Claude cannot live and thrive as Claude any longer. Penn and Rosie cannot watch their child grow increasingly miserable. So, in spite of resistance and many questions from others in the community, Claude begins his life as Poppy. He becomes she, and the entire family takes steps to shelter her from the judgement of others and watches her bloom. For a few years, anyway.

This was a very timely, well-written book about parenting and supporting a non-gender-conforming child. Highly recommended!

I won this book in a giveaway from another author. I read the first page and for some reason found it momentarily convoluted. I thought, 'Oh God, I'll never make it through this'. Then I read the next page. I was not seen for days at home as I was totally immersed in this touching, at times heartbreaking, at times exhilarating novel. I admit to very little knowledge about transgender children, and maybe had some preconceived notions. I fell completely in love with Claude/Poppy, and I found myself wishing this child existed in the world but being scared for what the world would do to her. Laurie Frankel has opened up a world for enlightenment for the uninformed. I hope anyone who doesn't understand this way between will read this novel. I am eternally grateful for the look into what hit home to me as the same worries and changes and transformations we all experience growing up and being a parent to any child. Beautifully written. I was in awe.

Rosie and Penn are parents of five boys in Madison, Wisconsin. From a young age it was clear that their youngest son Claude was different from the other boys in the family. At three years old, when asked what he wanted to be when he grows up, he replied “a girl”. During the next few years his family observes him wearing dresses and barrettes in his hair.

Acting in the best interests of their child, Rosie and Penn are supportive of Claude’s feelings. He begins to transform into a girl named Poppy. Her parents make provisions with the school so that Claude can be Poppy outside of their home. Conflicts and hostilities develop from their community causing them to move. They relocate to Seattle where they seek a fresh start for Poppy and their family. In Seattle, they decide to keep her transgender status a secret. Ultimately, this causes stress and grief to the entire family.

This novel is about two parents seeking optimal choices for their family where one of their children is transgender. It is a strong reminder that we should judge less and embrace the differences in people. Laurie Frankel writes a heartfelt novel and has a transgender child.

Considering that I came upon this book by chance and not design, it can only be fate or kismet. I can't say enough good things about this novel, and I read a lot of books. This is much more than a book about a transgender child: it covers so much more territory, and is woven together so artfully. In the 1980s I read Lynne Sharon Schwartz to get the pulse on today but decades have passed and Frankel seems to have been passed the baton.

Her novel moved me, made me smile, made me laugh, made me sad. It gets my highest praise: "a book to live in".

Check it out and live in it for a while - you might learn a thing or two....

Loved this book. The family were very three dimensional and the scenes of typical family chaos were so very real that they leapt off the page and put you right there. In many ways Rosie and Penn were the parents that I aspire to be: loving, open, welcoming, proud, inspiring even, although the secret that began innocently went to a whole other level until it itself became the problem.
As Poppy/Claude grows up you really celebrate her innocence and weep for her as the harsh realities of life begin to intrude, as a reader we laugh with the characters but also feel their conflict. They were all so beautifully portrayed that you took every single one into your heart. Read it!

I would never have picked this book up if not for the recommendation of a friend. I don't like preachy books or books with an agenda, and while this is a touch of both it's also an interesting and well written story. I would have preferred less "Hallmark feel good" stuff - who the heck has five boys who never fight and are all clever and cooperative? And how many spouses never fight and always have conversations which are cute and clever? And the minute the wife agreed to work in Thailand and take her son with her, I knew where this was going and found it a bit heavy handed. But all in all it was an enjoyable book and rounded out my understanding of gender dysphoria.

I can't even begin to tell you how lovely and heartbreaking and emotional and sad and inspiring - how, well, EVERYTHING this book is... I know it will take a lot of flak for the subject matter - a gender dysphoric child. Regardless of your position on the issue, this is a beautifully written story about family and love and secrets and being true to yourself. All of your selves. Whether people understand or see those selves or not. Whether you understand or see those selves or not.

It's really something - I just finished and am still working through a lot of what I read in my head, but HAD to recommend it. It is a deftly written tale, with so much wisdom about the importance of being who you are - not who people (any people - strangers, family, friends, or even the small scared sad voice inside the back corner of your own head who only comes out in the dead of night) say you are...

Rosie & Penn had a chaotic loving family of four boys. Although they would really have liked a daughter they welcomed number five son with joy. However from a very early age Claude wanted to wear a dress have 'girly' things and not conform to the male 'norm'. When asked what he wanted to be when he grew up his answer was , "A girl!" His brothers were all fairly eccentric in their own way, so at home it was happily accepted as being Claude's 'thing'. When Claude started pre- school things started to get complicated.

This was a well written book that raised many questions. Why do we have to conform to gender stereo types? Why is is so much more difficult for a boy to be a girl than a girl to be a boy? How do you support all those in your family when one member's needs impact on everyone?

This is well worth a read and I would like to thank Netgalley & the publisher for giving me the opportunity.

Interesting story about a family in transition with a child who is transgender. It is not a bad story but it is just simply not that interesting. I felt this family sacrificed their other four sons by asking them to keep secrets and lie to protect their youngest. The parents well-meaning intentions created chaos for their family. I know such a family personally and their ability to embrace their son's wishes have been inspiring to me. Again, not a bad book just not a great book. 3 stars. #book #books #read #reading #bookstagram #bookclub @annebogel #livinginfear

IG:@bookbimbo

This the second time over the past couple of years that I downloaded a sample of this book, not remembering what frustrated me so much the previous time. The problem is that the author takes forever to move the story forward while she rambles on and on in her apparent effort to write the great 19th century styled novel albeit with an intriguing contemporary topic.

So, with the prospect of more of the same wearisome verbiage and cliches, I have once again declined to purchase the entire book. At half of its $10 Kindle purchase price, I might have given the book a chance.

Although the topic is timely and well worth talking about, I didn't feel as if the story flowed naturally. I enjoyed getting to know the parents , Penn and Rosie, and their five children but so many of the situations seemed contrived. I have worked in middle school with families who have children who are questioning gender and this book just didn't feel entirely real. I DID appreciate being able to ride along in the minds of the characters and see the world they were seeing. I get that the issue is complex and Ms Frankel is skilled at presenting those complexities. I wasn't really able to connect with the characters, however, and characters are what matter to me in a novel. Kudos to the author though for presenting a novel that is centered around a topic that needs to be out in the open.

I love this book! It’s well written, unique, powerful, beautiful, and heartbreaking. It’s very rare that you see a book take on a subject that is so necessary and yet sadly, still so controversial in so many circles. This book takes on so much — a transgendered child, a family struggling with balancing the truth with maintaining privacy, the ripple effect of secrets, unconditional love of all kinds — and does them all justice. What a gift! What an important piece of work. I love the author’s note at the end letting us know that although it is based on a true story, there is a fine line between fiction and reality. Bravo! Thank you Laurie Frankel for this book.

This book should be required reading for every parent or would be parent. It is so full of love and wisdom. I cannot praise it highly enough.
Yet it raises as many questions as it answers. the underlying theme is that as parents, we want what's best for our children. As adults we know cruel the world outside can be. How do we protect our children yet still allow them to find their own way? Every parents faces this dilemma. How do we become enlightened enough to find the middle path?
Whether you are the parent of a child with gender dysphasia or not, the story told will resonate and teach you so much.

This is an endearing novel about the Walsh-Adams family and their five children. Their son, Claude, is the youngest of five brothers. When he is five years old, he decides that he wants to a girl. He changes his name to Poppy, lets his hair grow and lives his life as a girl. This is the story of how Poppy/ Claude and his family deal with this issue. The family is wonderful and loveable and the story is amazing. The book is funny in spots and the author shares many joys and sorrows of this exceptional family. Lots of takeaways here about an important current issue. I recommend this book to anyone. Keep the tissues handy.

Rosie and Penn are parents. Rosie and Penn are practically perfect progressives in every way.
Their preschool-aged, youngest child presents with gender dysphoria. The only question is whether he/she should be treated as a girl in every respect, or whether the child should be openly transgendered.

The idea that the child's body might reflect a truth greater than the deep-seated feelings of his/her very young self is a non-issue. The only people who even come close to raising that question are a gun-waving, barbarous bigot and holy-rolling, preachy dispensers of unsolicited advice.

Extreme measures are taken, child is happy as a girl for a while, then disaster ensues. A trip halfway around the world is had. The answer to the whole dilemma is . . . Buddhism, a third path, peace love and forgiveness, a fairy tale, something like that. It's not very clear.

Ms. Frankel ends her afterword stating, "I know this book will be controversial but, honestly? I keep forgetting why."

Anyone who can stand upright and clasp a book with fingers and thumb must agree with her. And if not, like the middle and southern sections of the country that Rosie cuts out of her United States map, it would be better that they not exist.

This book did a decent job of explaining what it is like to have a gender dysmorphic person in the family. You get to see how it affects everyone-from the child to the siblings to the parents to the people they meet along the way.

My favorite character in the book is the father. I would love to meet a real life version of him. Everyone should have a Penn in their lives.

This book also shows the effect of keeping a secret-and what that does to you and how ultimately, you can harm yourself and others when you are just afraid of sharing the truth.

I didn't hate this book, I just thought it was a fairytale. The parents in this book, especially the father, were "too good to be true". I would hope that siblings would be supportive but these brothers were storybook accepting and supportive. They were never, ever bratty typical children, not even for a minute. The author tries to make a reader think that one of the brothers is having a reaction and acting out in school but the rationale and reasoning for his behavior made me roll my eyes.

The characters were developed in this novel but not quite as complex as I would have liked. Rosie's character very much followed the over-worked doctor character and Penn was the quintessential writer who tries so hard to finish the great American novel but just can't seem to do it. That being said, there were a lot of discussions in this book about the "maybes" of gender and the children's characters reflect that. The kids were my favorite characters in this novel. This novel flows very well and is easy to read. It was a fast-read and was very enjoyable. Overall, I enjoyed reading this book and would recommend it to those looking for a novel about family.

This book had everything a great novel should (great story, great writing, and great characters) plus so much more! This author leant a voice to such a difficult and misunderstood topic with such delicacy and heart. It was insightful and hard and hopeful. The only thing I don’t understand is why everyone I meet isn’t talking about this book!!!

If you're looking for a novel about a transgender child then this is the book for you. Even if you're not looking for a novel about a transgender child this is the book for you. It's a beautiful story, and beautifully written story, about love and family and acceptance. Read it. You'll be glad you did.

An incredible read, very touching and thought-provoking. I've read many works of fiction about transgenders, but they've all been from the point of view of the transgender. This was a nice change since it was mainly from the point of view of the parents as well as also including the opinions of siblings and other family. Definitely a must read on this subject.

I mostly really liked this book. The subject matter is provocative, the plot was engaging, and the bits of fairy tale were fun. But the parenting felt fakely perfect, the part about going to Thailand seemed too magical, and at times the book got a little heavy handed with the moralizing. Also, when books are set in Seattle, I like there to be a couple of Seattle details besides it's hilly and rainy. I wish I could give it a 3.5.

I found this to be a beautifully written, thought provoking book. What a great window into a subject that is hard to imagine if you haven't experienced it. But, as is so deftly explored in this novel, is really the same thing we all experience underneath it all. It's about parenting and love and identity and all the complicated stuff we navigate in life. Laurie Frankel did a wonderful job with this story.

This is a wonderful book that makes you realize that people who are transgender didn’t choose to be that way and how difficult life can be because of how they were born. The parental part really got to me - the difficult decisions are overwhelming to me. The story is beautifully written, there are people to root for and love.

I loved everything about this book: the characters, the story, the voice, the characters. Penn, the story-telling dad of five and devoted husband, ranks up there as one of my all-time favorite heroes. If you want to read a heartwarming family drama with a unique style, this is the book for you. A great book club pick, too, since there is so much to discuss #PennForever.

Read this book! The writing style might seem a little odd when you start but wait about 20 pages and you will fall in love with this family. This is sensitively written and so insightful. Thanks to Frankel for bringing this story of Claude/Poppy to life with such love not only for Claude/Poppy but also for the rest of the family. I wish I had a father like Penn. Bravo!

This book had so many high reviews; I wasn't sure the book could match my expectations, but it did.
A thoughtful, humorous, and most importantly, a normal portrait of a family contending with one of their own not meeting societal norms and concluding that maybe those norms should change.

Such a lovely book- laugh out loud funny, real yet magical, warm and touching, lyrical. Frankel has created a family of wonderful characters- the perfect father, the conflicted wonderful mother, their four quirky sons, and, most of all, the luminous Poppy.

This novel is clearly written by someone who knows what it's like to parent a transgender child, and the author has crafted a story around that that is both realistic and optimistic. I was charmed by the characters and spent the last fourth of the book growing and grieving alongside them.

Tells the story of a family with 5 boys, the youngest of whom realizes at a very young age that he feels like a girl inside. Loved the parents, the quirky siblings, the messy way things went even when they tried to do their best and what was "right". I learned a lot about gender dysphoria and brought to light issues I never contemplated before about gender identity much less changing that identity. Excellent read!

Here is a book with real people, living real lives, facing a big challenge, and acting like real people with it. I admire the author for tackling a controversial topic with sensible and sensitive facets and views. Congratulations. Makes me want to look for more by this author.

A book so full of heart, it's a guide to living with all of our challenges and eccentricities and insecurities, and the power we all have to lighten the burden for others struggling with their own mix

Yes, it's about a child born physically as a boy and the transgender issues. Handled superbly indeed. But it's also about family and life and how we all deal with the stuff life throws us. Touching and uplifting.

I totally loved this book. I loved reading about a family that unconditionally loves their child. I loved learning more about acceptance. And I loved learning more about alternative ways to look at sexual identity. Lastly, I loved the author's style of writing.

A beautifully written book about a difficult and timely subject. The story is interesting and the writing good carrying the reader into the heart of Rosie's family to watch not only the children, but also the parents, grow and make their way in life. A must read for anyone who knows a trans child.

Read this book! The writing style might seem a little odd when you start but wait about 20 pages and you will fall in love with this family. This is sensitively written and so insightful. Thanks to Frankel for bringing this story of Claude/Poppy to life with such love not only for Claude/Poppy but also for the rest of the family. I wish I had a father like Penn. Bravo!

This book had so many high reviews; I wasn't sure the book could match my expectations, but it did.
A thoughtful, humorous, and most importantly, a normal portrait of a family contending with one of their own not meeting societal norms and concluding that maybe those norms should change.

I hardly know what to say about this wonderful novel. Beautifully written, awesome, heartbreaking yet humorous- I have never read Ms. Frankel's books but am a fan forever now! Sensitive writing on a tough topic/ kudos!

Such a lovely book- laugh out loud funny, real yet magical, warm and touching, lyrical. Frankel has created a family of wonderful characters- the perfect father, the conflicted wonderful mother, their four quirky sons, and, most of all, the luminous Poppy.

This really is a well written book which really tugs on the heartstrings. You will laugh. You will cry. But all in all you will enjoy a very good book which the author has obviously researched well. This is a story which will stay with you for a very long time.

A story of modern issues and how they are dealt with in family life. This is a book I shall never forget

This novel is clearly written by someone who knows what it's like to parent a transgender child, and the author has crafted a story around that that is both realistic and optimistic. I was charmed by the characters and spent the last fourth of the book growing and grieving alongside them.

Tells the story of a family with 5 boys, the youngest of whom realizes at a very young age that he feels like a girl inside. Loved the parents, the quirky siblings, the messy way things went even when they tried to do their best and what was "right". I learned a lot about gender dysphoria and brought to light issues I never contemplated before about gender identity much less changing that identity. Excellent read!

Here is a book with real people, living real lives, facing a big challenge, and acting like real people with it. I admire the author for tackling a controversial topic with sensible and sensitive facets and views. Congratulations. Makes me want to look for more by this author.

A book so full of heart, it's a guide to living with all of our challenges and eccentricities and insecurities, and the power we all have to lighten the burden for others struggling with their own mix

Yes, it's about a child born physically as a boy and the transgender issues. Handled superbly indeed. But it's also about family and life and how we all deal with the stuff life throws us. Touching and uplifting.

I totally loved this book. I loved reading about a family that unconditionally loves their child. I loved learning more about acceptance. And I loved learning more about alternative ways to look at sexual identity. Lastly, I loved the author's style of writing.

A beautifully written book about a difficult and timely subject. The story is interesting and the writing good carrying the reader into the heart of Rosie's family to watch not only the children, but also the parents, grow and make their way in life. A must read for anyone who knows a trans child.

This novel challenges preconceived ideas about what is going on when a person struggles with their identity. The angst that causes for them and all who go through this with them. While this novel's character felt completely like a girl, and that was still difficult, I can't imagine the confusion it would bring to be pulled both ways. Her parents love and devotion to all of their children & each other was so wonderful.

Such a great book on how a family deals with their young transgender child, with perspectives from all family members, including the confusion of the transgender child herself. Great reflections on what is really important in life and how we all must tackle unforeseen and sometimes lifelong hardships.

I love the way this book made me think about the bravery it takes for a transgender person to be themselves. It is not an easy path and it is not chosen to make others uncomfortable. It also made me realize how our society is often OK with girls acting like boys because "who wouldn't want to be a boy?", but thinks that there must be something very wrong with someone who would choose to be a girl if they could be a boy. Amazing story.

This book touched my heart as it told a story that is not common for most of us in this world. What a fantastic way to take a glimpse into the difficult subject of gender identity and how each family member deals with the wonder and discomfort of all that comes with it understanding feeling vs. labels. This book was a joy to read.

When my library sent me a notice that my hold was ready, I couldn't remember why I had wanted to read this book, and I almost passed on it. SO glad I didn't, as I would have missed out on a beautiful story...I laughed, I shed a tear or two... Amazing story of family love and life's difficulties.

This is a timely book...I learned how difficult it must be to raise, not only for the parents, family but also the child, a transgender person. Laurie Frankel did it with compassion, honesty and insight.

This is somewhat outside of my usual genre, but I'm so glad I read it!!! Outstanding writing and a graceful way of treating the subject matter - transgender children. This is not a light read but I couldn't put it down. I highly highly recommend this book!!!

This is an excellent book for parents of questioning children, educators, and counselors. It talks about hard to understand/explain subject of transgender children and what they need from adults. I would highly recommend this book for anyone who works with children or anyone who is a parent of a questioning child.

This was probably the best book I have read in a long time. I loved all the characters, but what I loved the most is the message. I think that it speaks to me as a mom, a early childhood professional and an aunt. I would recommend this book to anyone! Be prepared to laugh, cry, scream and wish this book would never end!

Because as parents we don't have all the answers... The characters feel real because the author really let's us get to know them. She writes in a way that makes you connect and remember we're all just figuring it out as we go.

This book deals with many important themes including the difficulties of parenting in general and specifically with a transgendered child. As a parent, the book was very easy to relate to and very thought provoking. I highly recommend it. I think it will be an excellent book for book club discussions.

More of a "I wish this is the way it is" than "the way it more frequently is". Too wordy too often and too sparse with respect to developing characters that readers might genuinely care about. Well worth the investment.

I had no idea what this book was about before I started reading it, and, was pleasantly surprised at how much I enjoyed reading it. The story was fascinating and the characters felt so real to me. I definitely recommend this book.

Such a touching, real glimpse into the lives of a family to whom we can all relate. Frankel digs deep into the way individuals and society respond to transgender people. These characters will be living with me for a very long time.

More of a "I wish this is the way it is" than "the way it more frequently is". Too wordy too often and too sparse with respect to developing characters that readers might genuinely care about. Well worth the investment.

I had no idea what this book was about before I started reading it, and, was pleasantly surprised at how much I enjoyed reading it. The story was fascinating and the characters felt so real to me. I definitely recommend this book.

Such a touching, real glimpse into the lives of a family to whom we can all relate. Frankel digs deep into the way individuals and society respond to transgender people. These characters will be living with me for a very long time.

I checked this book out of the library because the cover caught my eye. It turned out to be a sterling choice. The story takes place in the Midwest, and is about a family with 5 boys. Mom is a doctor and dad is an author. When the youngest son, Claude, decides he'd like to wear dresses, they strike a bargain whereby he can wear them at home, but not at school. Little by little Claude changes to being Poppy bringing a unique set of "problems" for the family. A traumatic incident leads the family to seek a change of scenery, and they move to a more accepting place, Oregon. Here Poppy can flourish and no one knows anything different. The family dynamics begin to change as the boys seek to deal with the idea that their brother is now their sister. There aren't a lot of fiction titles out there dealing with transgender children, and this one goes a long way toward offering information as to how it all might work. The ending is a little contrived, but I forgave Ms Frankel since she had done such an amazing job in the rest of the story. I'm choosing it for book club when my turn rolls around.

This book didn't affect me as others have expressed. I felt confused as to what was going on at times and what the author was trying to say. There were times I wondered why she (Frankel) put this in the book.

I loved this book from the very beginning. I had no idea what the subject was, but it was handled in a very loving way and explained gender identification clearly. If only we could all have marriages like this and be this kind of parent....felt a bit envious of their relationship and had to remind myself that it was fiction.

I've never read anything by Laurie Frankel but just ordered two more of her books and am looking forward to reading them.

I really can't speak highly enough about this incredible, smart, heartfelt and thought provoking story that Laurie Frankel wrote. I love the characters from the start all of whom tugged on my heart strings as the story evolved. What a wonderful way to learn about unconditional love & self acceptance.

Great story with believable characters and dialogue. The dialogue is a real winner for me, snappy authentic and it had me engaged from the start. The characters are fully realised and feel like real people bouncing off the page.

The only gripe I have, is that I feel the novel really suffers when they hit Thailand. I was hoping the author would focus more on the transgender aspects of Thailand, rather than the poverty (which is really over done, they do have real hospitals in the north). She talks about Poppy learning how to be in the "middle" with her gender from K, but in the narrative, there is virtually no communication between her and any transgenders (including K, they don't even meet in the story, but somehow she learnt from her?), except the kathoey she saw on the train. It would have been great to dive deeper into that world. An opportunity missed, I feel.

This really is a well written book which really tugs on the heartstrings. You will laugh. You will cry. But all in all you will enjoy a very good book which the author has obviously researched well. This is a story which will stay with you for a very long time.

A story of modern issues and how they are dealt with in family life. This is a book I shall never forget

Where to start?? This is one of the best books I've read in such a long time! Ms. Frankel's writing is superb, in addition to having a great story to tell. It's a book about family, love, transformation, choices, acceptance, and so much more.

It is an amazing story . How one family embraced their child who was born a male but was a female in his biology.
Very well written . The author helps the reader to see what truly loving parents go through to support their child and to
Understand what they must do as a family. Very emotional read but excellent

Love, love, love this book! It’s beautifully written. I have highlighted nearly every page because of the lovely writing. And the story gave me a perspective that I couldn’t have ever known. Please someone make this into a movie!

“This Is How It Always Is” by Laurie Frankel is the story of a family in crisis that should not be in crisis. The seven members of the Walsh-Adams family should be happily living their eccentric and peculiar lives, but one member, Claude, is not sure what his life should be, Claude, who at five years of age, likes dresses, tights, and purses. The book is the story not only of Claude and Poppy, but also of the entire family. How do parents Rosie and Penn pick friends and acquaintances for their children and particularly for Poppy? How do they keep secrets and tell secrets?

“Poppy’s story (is) too awkward and complicated, too intimate, too risky to share with new acquaintances. But by the time those acquaintances became close friends, it was too late. “

The family is supportive and at the same ill equipped to deal with the complex gender identity issues of a very young child, being barely able to deal with their own multifaceted issues. They attempt to be compassionate, but they are also terribly impractical and unrealistic.

There is a nice shout-out to book clubs that will endear Poppy to them forever.
“She was in a book club?” said Poppy.
“Everyone’s in a book club”
“Like with wine?” Poppy was intrigued.
“It’s not a book club if there isn’t wine.”

In the end, gloom rises to the surface and, change abounds everywhere.
“Why would change make you sad?”
“Because it doesn’t mean different,” said Claude. “It means ruined. Why can’t one thing just stay the same?”

“This Is How It Always Is” is funny and tragic, poignant and heartbreaking, emotional and practical. Readers will hate Rosie and Penn Walsh-Adams for what they did not do and love them for what they did. It will make readers angry, happy, and sad. Most of all, it will make readers think, and that is always a happy ending.

This book was sweet, loving, terrifying, and seemed so real that I couldn't put it down. I could feel everything each one of the family members went through and fell in love with all the characters! I love this book!

This story helps us to narratively play with things like gender roles in a safe space that isn't too challenging. It provides solace and insight into the family of a transkid. I would recommend it to a friend.