Board Stiff (The Xanth Novels) (Volume 38)

If you love Piers Anthony's Zanth series, this one is another prime example of his. Filled with adventure, romance, puns, all wrapped up in a world full of Magic. People with Magical Talent's and Magical Creatures with a tale of a quest to save the puns from a virus..

I read many Xanth books years ago and then needed a break from the puns. But wanted to bring some light hearted reading back into my daily life. It's a cute book, a little challenged toward the end when he tries very hard to make some concepts work. But overall a fun experience and a great welcome back to the magical land.

Mostly a fairly dull story, but as my title suggests, at least he's not as much into sub-18-year-old girls fornicating. The story is a normal Xanth book, one of Demons, demons, and waylaid men and women who suffer through pun after pun. Character X goes through challenges to get mysterious Answer Y from the Good Magician, barely-clothed hijinks ensue.

A good step in the right direction, but a far cry from the first few books in the series.

BOARD STIFF is the 38th entry in the Xanth series. If you’re new to the world of Xanth, don’t worry — this isn’t a series you have to read in order. You could pick up this book as your entry to the series and not be lost at all. The books in the series are mostly stand-alone adventures, and if you need to know something from a previous book, you get filled in quickly.

The plot revolves around a Quest to save Xanth’s puns from a pun-destroying virus. Ease, a typical male, goes to the Good Magician to ask for the perfect weapon, the perfect adventure, or the perfect woman. He undertakes the Quest as his service, and accompanying him is a wide array of characters, including a basilisk transformed to human form. What he doesn’t know (but the reader does) is that Ease is about to get everything he wants, he just has to realize he has it all.

For also accompanying Ease is a wooden board. The wooden board is actually a woman, Irrelevant Kandy, who asked a magical wishing well for Adventure, Excitement, and Romance. As a board and Ease’s weapon, Kandy can influence his thoughts, keeping him from being too much of a stupid dude. That’s where the title, BOARD STIFF, comes from.

For the most part, BOARD STIFF is a pretty good Xanth book. I’ve been a Xanth fan for a long time (since 1995 or 1996), and generally prefer the earlier books in the series. They’re more about the land of Xanth and its people rather than the latter books, some of which are chock full of puns. And yes, I know puns are part of the magic of Xanth — I just don’t want to read a veritable list of them. That said, I think BOARD STIFF has an okay balance. There were a few points when I took a break from the book (pun overload), but for the most part, the plot kept me reading. It’s not the first time Xanth has been in danger, but I wasn’t sure how the group would save it.

In this book, I liked Com Pewter quite a bit. He gets pulled into the Quest, and though in the past he was just an annoying machine for other characters to deal with, in BOARD STIFF, he’s a lot more interesting. He becomes more human-like, learning what friends are. I liked him more than Ease or Kandy, both of whom were a bit too preoccupied with their dream partner, as well as matters relating to the Adult Conspiracy.

If you’re new to Xanth, you could dive right in with this book. There’s more than enough explanation of how things work, and that was one of my minor complaints. Every time the characters met someone new, or went to a new place, they introduced themselves and their various missions over and over. I don’t need multiple reminders of who everyone is and what they’re doing. Or multiple reminders that a basilisk, even in human form, is dangerous. And so on.

Overall, if you’re a Xanth fan, you’ll probably enjoy BOARD STIFF. It follows the usual story: someone with a question visits the Good Magician, sets off on a quest to save Xanth, and discovers the answer to their question on the journey. The main parts of BOARD STIFF are resolved by its end, although some of the story is left open for Xanth #39 to continue.

Disclaimer: I received a copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for an honest review.

*I received an ecopy from Premier Digital Publishing in exchange for an honest review*

It's been a really long time since I've read a Xanth book. Like, several years. And I'm pretty sure the last one I read I was a re-read of A Spell For Chameleon. But the thing I love about these books is that I don't have to remember much to become fully immersed again in this magical, puntastic world!

I really liked Kandy in this book. It was fun to see things from her perspective since she spends most of the time as a literal board. That's totally what she deserves for saying she's "bored stiff" though, since she should know better having grown up with puns all around. She's looking for Romance, Adventure, and Excitement, and I loved how the Wishing Well grants her wish in a most ridiculous manner. I do think she learns a lot throughout her adventure and is definitely a different person at the end of the book than she was at the beginning. She knows more about life, love, adventure, and men and is a better person for it.

I also really enjoyed getting to know the other characters she meets along the way. Ease is kind of an idiot and I'm not sure I would ever pick him to be the romantic interest, but whatever. Some times I just wanted him to do something idiotic and not have Kandy save him, but I guess that's not how Xanth works. Astrid was probably my favorite character in the group and I think her friendship was Kandy was an even better relationship than any of the romantic ones. We also get to see Com Pewter again, which was pretty neat since he's one of my favorite Xanth characters of all time.

The plot is this book feels really pieced together. Kind of like Piers Anthony was like "Ok, I want this group to do this, this, and this even though they are not related in any way. How can I string them together to make a cohesive story?" and I'm not really convinced that it worked as well as he hoped it would. I mean, it's tied together loosely, but all of the Events are just so random. There's a little bit of an explanation near the end... but it's not a very strong argument and feels kind of like he thought of it last minute.

Speaking of the ending, I thought it was a little lame. As I was reading, I looked at the amount remaining and was concerned that things wouldn't wrap up by the end. They do, but it just felt really rushed. We spend this entire book trying to figure out how to save the puns and in the end it's so much easier than you would ever think. And it was kind of annoying. This book could serve as a standalone because this plot is wrapped up pretty nicely, but I can still see there being a sequel because it felt like it was setting one up.

I would recommend this book to any fans of previous Xanth books. Even if you haven't read one in a while, there's enough here to get you right back into that magical place. All of the groan-worthy puns are there, and familiar characters show up. I would also recommend this series (and this book even) to pun-lovers and casual fantasy readers. Not my favorite Xanth book, but I still enjoyed it nonetheless. 3/5!

Hot off reading Ogre, Ogre and saying that I don't find puns funny anymore, I went on to read this. Why? Because I'm a sucker for punishment maybe. Or maybe because I had downloaded a copy of this for review from Edelweiss and figured, "what better way to review this than to see how Piers Anthony has grown since whenever ago?" Ogre, Ogre is book 5 in the series, I think, published in 1982 whilst Board Stiff, #38 was published in 2013.

I enjoyed Board Stiff more than Ogre, Ogre. It felt better put together, as if there were a stronger storyline and more going on than puns. Though there are a lot of puns. And many dying puns too.

Irrelevant Kandy makes a wish - except she made a mental typo that the Wishing Well picked up on. So instead of being a beautiful girl heading out for Adventure, Excitement and Romance, Kandy is a flat, stiff board with two knotholes for eyes, who is picked up by Ease on his way to look for the perfect adventure.

As with every Xanth story I've read so far (I haven't read many), the main two protagonists end up together, so you kind of know where this is going. In the same vein, Ease makes his way to the Good Magician with a question and is sent on a quest. You're not going to get anything especially new in terms of the general storyline.

However, in contrast to Ogre, Ogre, Board Stiff covers a much wider range of Xanth, and out of it as well. I haven't read much of the stuff in between, but the Xanth universe is much more expanded by this time (as it should be), and with the Sequin of Events and the quest that Ease and Kandy are on, much more interesting things happen.

One thing I didn't particularly enjoy was the perpetual male-bashing and the constant stereotype that men have no self-control (i.e. they freak when they see Panties. But freak less when the girl is nude? What?). I mean, it was slightly funny at the start of the book, but by the end of it, it was just annoying. I know that Anthony has to stick with it once it was established in the beginning of the book, especially as it seemed to be quite an important plot point that helped move the story along, but if it had been confined to maybe one bonehead guy it would have been more palatable than being a trait of every male of every species in Xanth.

So whilst I did enjoy it more than Ogre, Ogre storywise, I can't say that I really liked it that super much hence the 3-star review. Well, maybe 3.25.

Note: I received a copy of this for review via Edelweiss.

"Board Stiff" is number thirty-eight in the sequence of Piers Anthony's "Xanth" comic fantasy stories which began with "A Spell for Chameleon" in 1977, and features a most unexpected quest around the magic land of Xanth, some excursions into different genres, and a role reversal both for the main theme of the book - for the aim of the quest is almost the opposite of the role of the "Caprice Castle" characters from recent stories - and for one of the main characters, because this time Com-Pewter who was a nuisance or a menace in most opf the previous books, has a turn playing on the goodies team.

The series was a huge hit with fans and publishers - Piers Anthony is supposed to have said that the reason he is still writing Xanth books is to keep his publishers happy as the series is the only thing they ever pestered him for. Xanth is still going strong thirty-eight years of Earth time, a slightly higher number of books, and millions of copies after the 1977 debut.

"Board Stiff" and all the other books in the series are mostly set in a magical land called Xanth, a peninsular which usually looks a bit like Florida but can sometimes appear like other peninsulars such as Italy or Korea. All human residents of Xanth have a magic talent, which may vary from trivial to immensely powerful and from extremely useful to being a downright liability. The fauna, flora and geography of the land are based on a combination of legends and puns.

The primary heroine of this book is lady called Candy, or to give her full name, Irrelevant Candy. When she goes by her full name nobody pays her any attention: in the first of many terrible puns in the story, when she shortens it to I. Candy she gets too much of the wrong sort of attention from men who think she is nice to look at but good for nothing else.

So Candy goes to a wishing well and asks for Adventure, Excitement, and Romance - only to find herself transformed into a flat, stiff board with two knotholes for eyes. (This is not a spoiler as it is given on the book description on the back of the book and on the publisher's description on this and every other site.)

But Candy soon finds herself with a group of companions, some of whom know she is more than just a wooden board and some of whom do not. Following the inevitable challenge to get in and see the good magician, the characters find themselves on a quest to stop Xanth from becoming a flat and boring place - with some unexpected allies and opponents ...

The next book in the series, number 39 "Five Portraits (Xanth)," is to some extent a sequel to "Board Stiff" in that it has essentially the same cast of characters and carries on where this book finishes. However, each is a complete story and can be read on its' own if that is what you want to do.

The series as published and planned in October 2015 is as follows:

1 "A Spell for Chameleon" (1977), link A Spell for Chameleon
2 "The Source of Magic" (1979), link Source of Magic: Xanth Series, Book 2
3 "Castle Roogna" (1979), link Castle Roogna
4 "Centaur Aisle" (1982)
5 "Ogre, Ogre" (1982)
6 "Night Mare" (1983)
7 "Dragon on a Pedestal" (1983)
8 "Crewel Lye" (1984)
9 "Golem in the Gears"
10 "Vale of the Vole" (1987)
11 "Heaven Cent" (1988)
12 "Man from Mundania" (1989)
13 "Isle of View" (1990)
14 "Question Quest" (1991)
15 "The Color of Her Panties" (1992)
16 "Demons Don't Dream" (1992)
17 "Harpy Thyme" (1993)
18 "Geis of the Gargoyle" (1994)
19 "Roc and a Hard Place" (1995)
20 "Yon Ill Wind" (1996)
21 "Faun & Games" (1997)
22 "Zombie Lover" (1998)
23 "Xone of Contention" (1999)
24 "The Dastard" (2000)
25 "Swell Foop" (2001)
26 "Up In A Heaval" (2002)
27 "Cube Route" (2003)
28 "Currant Events" (2004)
29 "Pet Peeve" (2005)
30 "Stork Naked" (2006)
31 "Air Apparent" (2007)
32 "Two to the Fifth" (2008)
33 "Jumper Cable" (2009)
34 "Knot Gneiss" (2010)
35 "Well-Tempered Clavicle" (2011)
36 "Luck of the Draw" (2012)
37 "Esrever Doom" (2013)
38 This book, "Board Stiff" (2014)
39 "Five Portraits" (2014)
40 "Isis Orb" (forthcoming)
41 "Ghost Writer in the Sky" (forthcoming)

There is also a companion volume, "Piers Anthony's Visual Guide to Xanth" and the co-author of that book, Jody Lynn Nye, has written the adventure book "Ghost of a Chance (Crossroads Adventure : in the World of Pier Anthony's Xanth).

A major part of the plot of the sixteenth book, "Demons don't dream" relates to a computer game about Xanth, and Legend Entertainment were licenced to bring out a real computer game shortly afterwards which had the same plot as the game in the book and the same name, "Companions of Xanth." This game was designed to run under DOS and is no longer available at the store UK although it can still be ordered from the store.com or downloaded as abandonware if you have a working computer old enough or flexible enough to run games designed for the specs and operating systems in place twenty years ago.

If you have the right sort of sense of humour, particularly a love of dreadful puns, this book and most of its' successors can be quite amusing. These books are not meant to be taken seriously.

Be warned that if you did take some of the Xanth books too seriously, they can come over as rather sexist even by the standards of the seventies, let alone those of today. Certain characters in the stories have unfortunate attitudes, to put it mildly, and the series has evolved its' own rather unique set of conventions about when nudity is or acceptable and how male characters react to the sight of a woman's underwear which may appear somewhere between childish, sexist, or just plain odd.

However, many of the accusations of sexism against Piers Anthony over the Xanth books are based on taking out of context, and assuming that the author is endorsing, views which in context are clearly presented for the specific purpose of disproving them. In many Xanth stories the bad guys make serious mistakes by underestimating the female characters and the heroines often find that they can achieve far more than their initial low expectations of themselves.

In context many of the antedeluvian attitudes to women attributed to characters in the Xanth books contribute to the failures suffered by those characters or are a sign that they are on the wrong side, and similar sexist perspectives initially attributed to heroes and heroines are sometimes there so that the characters concerned can grow by learning better.

As you work through the Xanth series new characters and themes are gradually introduced and old ones fade away, so it is not essential to read this series in sequence, though I personally prefer to do so. Often, as with Com-Pewter in this story, characters who have faded out come back or figures who have been in the background, often as nuisances or opponents, move centre stage and sometimes become heroes..

Worth a try if you enjoy fantasy and puns, are reasonably broad-minded, and able to avoid taking things too seriously or literally.

I use to read everything Pier Anthony wrote. Love the Adept, Immortal Incarnation series, Marcoscope and many more. But my favorite series was his Xanth series. In fact, Castle Rooga is one of my all time favorite books. But after about 20 plus books in this series, I got tired of the puns and storylines weren't very interesting anymore. So somewhere around 2000 I stop reading his books. (Still I am faithful follower of his website blog, and before that his newsletter.) His book pop up on my discount ebook list and decided to take a trip in the past. No where as good as the first 10 or so, but it was a nice trip down memory lane. If you are a diehard fan, get it. If you haven't read any of this series start at the beginning. It will lose any newbies quick. (Warning for parents of younger kids. A lot about girls panties and losing clothes.)

It has been several years since I read a Xanth book so when I stumbled across this book I had to read it. Piers has not lost his touch as this was a thoroughly entertaining story. There is occasionally mild sexual innuendo and mention of violent acts. The straying of the focus of male vision to the female bodies may make it inappropriate for some children. If you have read any of the Xanth books you know that it is full of puns and if you hate puns you may want to skip the book. As with most of the Xanth novels you can read this even if you haven't read any others. If you have enjoyed any of the earlier Xanth books you will most likely enjoy this.

Puns. Clever ones. Silly ones. Obvious ones. Subtle ones. This book, the latest one by Piers Anthony about Xanth is replete with them. But I would expect nothing less from the author of the Xanth series. Buried underneath all the puns is a very interesting story about people, computers and relationships between men and women. If you are already a fan of the Xanth series then this book is a must. If you are new to Xanth, do not be concerned about understanding what is going on. Anthony explains things along the way. I recommend this book for anyone interested in the fantasy genre who wants to read a light but well-written story.

Board Stiff (2013) is the Thirty-eighth Fantasy novel in the Xanth series, following Esrever Doomt. The initial volume in this sequence is A Spell for Chameleon.

In the previous volume, Kody woke in a hospital bed. The nurse welcomed him back to consciousness and then administered a sedative. The next time he awoke, the doctor came to tell him what they would be doing to him and then departed the room without answering any questions. The nurse administered another sedative.

When Kody woke the next time, an ogre is flinging a catbird against a nearby wall. Kody caught the animal and encouraged it to flee. The ogre tromped away and left Kody alone.

Kody wondered where he was. Ogres and birds that are half cat were not usually seen in real life. Then Kody saw a dot in the sky.

The thing in the sky grew larger and became a flying horse. But the horse had the torso of a man. The catbird was riding on the back of the flying centaur.

In this novel, Irrelevant Kandy is a good looking woman of Xanth who is usually only eye candy. She wants adventure, excitement and romance.

Ease is a man of Xanth who has the talent of making complicated things easy. He is looking for the perfect weapon, the perfect adventure, and the perfect woman.

Cherry Centaur is a reddish color. She also can split into a human and a horse.

Humfrey is the Good Magician of Xanth. He provides answers to those with questions if they can solve three challenges. He has five and a half wives, who alternate wifely duties. Wira is his daughter-in-law and stays with him most of the time to manage his socks.

MareAnn is a half-wife of Humfrey. She loved him first, but went on to do other things. Now she is the designated wife on duty.

Astrid Basilisk-Cocktrice is a deadly basilisk who has been magicked into a beautiful woman. She has to wear sunglasses at all times to protect those near her.

Tiara is a young girl who is locked into a tower. She has a fly-away hair problem.

Com Pewter is a machine with a talent. He can change reality around him, but has only a limited range.

Mitch is the master of ceremonies in Punic Curse. He wears a hair shirt.

D. Metria is a demon. She has a vocabulary problem and really likes to annoy people.

In this story, Kandy goes to a wishing well and introduces herself. She explains her problems with men and says that she is board stiff. She presents her wishes and gives the well a pretty stone.

Then she falls down flat on her back and stares up at the sky. She cannot move, because she is a piece of lumber. She is a board with two knotholes as eyes.

After some time, Ease comes to the wishing well. He introduces himself and states his wishes. Then he gives the well an old knife. The knife sinks to the bottom, but nothing else happens.

Ease sees the board lying by the well and takes it as a weapon. It would be perfect for bashing dangerous animals in the snout. It works very well, especially since Kandy steers it to the right place.

Kandy falls asleep and awakes toward evening. She is awakened when Ease uses her to whack down the grass to sleep on. She projects thoughts into his mind. She has to shout to get through to him.

Ease thinks that the thoughts are coming from his subconscious. When she asks why he hasn't gone home, he says that they will all laugh at him for coming home with only a board. Ease also mentions that this is the second disappointment.

Ease had gone to the Good Magician first. He passed the challenges, but Humfrey couldn't help him. Kandy tells him to try the Good Magician again.

Ease thinks this is a good idea. It is getting dark, so he puts it off to morning. He goes to sleep with the board in his hand.

When he falls asleep, Kandy materializes as a ghostly form of herself. She moves his hand from her ankle to her back. Then she cannot fall asleep again.

During the night, she hears something. She realizes it is a snake. She awakes Ease by biting his ear.

Ease reaches for the board and aims a blow at its snout. His aim is not quite on target. Kandy shifts the board a bit sideways and it hits the snake's nose.

The snake decides that prudence is called for and leaves the vicinity. Kandy realizes that she has to stay awake to protect Ease. Soon he goes back to sleep and the board again becomes a ghostly human.

Ease returns to an enchanted path on his way to the Good Magician's castle. On the way, he meets a redheaded girl. Cherry is the human part of a centaur. She says that they are fifteen years old.

Cherry tells them that her horse part is galloping around the countryside. She thinks that her other half is looking for stallions. She doesn't know why, but Ease starts to inform her. Kandy shouts UNDERAGE in his mind and he decides to go to sleep.

After the girl and horse reunite, Ease looks for breakfast. He eats an orange and then smells tarts. A girl is cooking them on a firebed, but it is off the enchanted path.

Kandy tells him not to go there, but she doesn't shout. The girl gives Ease a sweet tart and Kandy tells him not to eat it. Kandy recognizes the smell of love potion and commands him to SPIT IT OUT.

The girl turns into a troll and leaps for Ease. Kandy orders him to SWING THE BAT! The board whams into the troll's bottom. Ease catches on to the need to return to the path.

Kandy accompanies Ease to the castle and helps him pass the three challenges. Wira meets them at the gate and greets Ease. He helps with a name for her baby that reflects her talents. Then she takes them to MareAnn.

Humfrey is not ready to give Ease an answer, so he eats and goes to sleep. MareAnn comes in while Kandy is manifested and introduces her to Astrid. She asks Kandy to accept Astrid as a Companion on the quest.

This tale takes Ease and Kandy to many places in Xanth and elsewhere in a search for an anti-virus to protect against a pun killing virus. Ease doesn't like puns, but he soon learns that Xanth would be a much different place without them. It would be just like Mundania.

They gather other Companions in addition to Astrid. Tiara , Com Pewter, Mitch, and even D. Metria contribute to the quest. Others help along the way.

The quest is successful, but the anti-virus has to be distributed. The next installment in this sequence has not yet been announced on the store.

Highly recommended for Anthony fans and for anyone else who enjoys tales of magic quests, romantic intents, and a lot of puns. Read and enjoy!

-Arthur W. Jordin

I loved these books when I was younger but after reading this one after many, many years, I know why I stopped at book 12 or something like that. I couldn't wait to get through it. Thank goodness I didn't buy it. Unless you just love puns - and bad ones at that - save your time and read something else.

I have read each book in the Xanth series starting when I was in high school and look forward to each new story. They are fun and light hearted and while I enjoy them all, it seems the last 6 or so have had more sex and nudity in each than the previous books combined. I'm not a prude by any means and I don't mind some, but it just feels like everything other scene has one or the other. I will read them until there are no more (and that will be heartbreaking), but lately it just seems over done. I'm also not sure yet how I feel about the carry over story line to the book, which I bought but haven't started yet.

I have read all the Xanth books through the years, and loved them all as well. For me they cheer me up when I'm in pain or down in the dumps. They are a fun read and the puns are wonderful! If you're looking for something deeper, read some of his other series, but the Xanth books fill a needed niche. I am so glad this one was Kindle Unlimited eligible, as my library does not have it and I am disabled and on a limited budget. Love the Xanth books Mr. Anthony!!!

This book is written for fans. If you have read all of the Xanth books and can't wait for this one to come out, then you will gobble it up. It has all of the things that you are looking for. It may even use a few of the puns that you sent in. You may even find your name in the credits at the end. But for most of the rest of the known universe, you can skip this book. Not that it is bad, just that it is a very specific type of book. It's a somewhat humorous fantasy. Diskworld and Xanth are two very similar series', and they both are not quite my cup of tea. I want so badly to really love them and bask in the gags and puns that abound, but no matter how many times I try, I just keep getting left flat.

I give this book 3 Stars out of 5 and only recommend it to fans. The rest of you ... look somewhere else.

I received this Digital Review Copy for free from edelweiss.com.

This was an unusual read. It is part of a long series which I've never read. It's a fantasy that would have any punster or English devote in stitches. I liked the story. Candy makes a wish at an enchanted well and turns into a board. Ease comes to the well to make a wish and picks up the board. Candy discovers she can send thoughts to Ease and thus their adventure begins. I might find some other books in this series but I'm always afraid I'll be disappointed.

I look forward to a new Xanth book each year. I am engrossed in each book and complete it within a day or so. Board Stiff held my attention as all other books. I enjoy the fantasy, references and puns. The books have evolved over the years as I would expect, but Piers Anthony continues to hold my interest and writes an entertaining story with Board Stiff. (This one did seem to have more puns but it was the main storyline). I have many of his other books which are equally engrossing in fantasy and story minus the puns ?

I haven't read the book yet so I cannot comment on the story however I can comment on the binding. The binding is akin to a library binding. The paper seems to be a reasonable quality but the is no slip cover. The image is printed directly on the cover. For the $20+ cost of the book I expect higher quality.

Punalific~ LOL...Is that a word? I have read every book in this series..I think I started in my teen years..Here it is 30+ years later and I'm still reading. never boring, full of magical creatures, a grumpy sorccer and his many wives. Mr. Anthony is an awesome writer and I would read anything he put out!

A typical later Xanth story: somewhat strained. The early stories in this series had tighter plots and didn't work so hard to make the puns. While this was a quick, light read, it didn't have the punch of the first half dozen Xanth stories.