Sex Object: A Memoir

Currently the top negative review states, "She start [sic] off as if her problems are the problems of all women."
As a reminder to this critic, the book is titled "Sex Object: A MEMOIR." This is one woman's life, although I can imagine a commonality to the very troubling issues discussed herein; I am a man, so will only ever know of most such issues through secondhand accounts. As at least half of my friends and colleagues are women, this book is not so eye-opening and confrontational to me as it might feel to other men, yet I suspect it remains informative to most readers regardless of gender. Valenti's cumulative experiences were likely magnified beyond those of many women simply because she grew up in an extremely populous area (NYC). It would not be surprising if the insights she provides are of such value precisely because she encountered such a swath of people every day from a young age.

The memoir format apparently is problematic for some readers. While true that Valenti jumps around within, this type of literature does not demand a rigid arrangement; since her thoughts are logically connected, a demand for sticking to the traditional thesis structure of many books on the topic is unnecessarily archaic. I found Sex Object easy to get through, which can't be a bad quality... if you need more 25- or 50-cent words in your analysis on the subject matter, you have plenty of feminist books out there to choose from.

Is the material in the book for everyone? If one were to put aside pretext, preconceptions, and previous experiences in life (which is of course impossible for any mortal) and read Sex Object simply as a human being not devoid of humanity, then yes, it could be. Sadly, the inability to put oneself into someone else's shoes (or feel empathy at all) in the 21st century hardly seems improved from the 19th century (and might even be headed in the wrong direction). But books like this one attempt to work towards a greater empathy.

This book did a very good job of showing what it is like for some women growing up in a man's world. It is shocking, but sad because very few will open their minds up to others experiences as a woman in a world still dominated by men. It made me feel better and look to my own experiences, and for that I am thankful.

Sex Object introduces a dizzying cast of male characters to frame Valenti’s message of how women in our culture are inundated with sexual advances and messages, regardless of our willingness to participate. While I was initially put off by trying to keep track of so many people, I realized that the need to keep track of the characters gradually ate away at the numbness I experienced as I read of Valenti’s numerous encounters. As someone who has experienced sexual assault, I had normalized the multitude of reasons women have to be on guard daily. This writing helped me rethink this normalization and open myself to considering how the general experience of living as a female in today’s society has added to my experience of vulnerability.

This brief memoir covers Jessica Valenti’s childhood and adolescence growing up in New York City, her college years, her marriage, and the birth of her daughter. She foregrounds her feminist ideas and describes the life experiences that inform, though not in a determinative way, her philosophy. Indeed, she claims right off the bat that the “cumulative impact feels slippery” when referring to the individual experiences that make up her life. Valenti can be self-critical and self-aware and the book is full of rich insights into the experiences of women.

Couldn't put it down. Valenti's reflections are raw and unflinching, and she resists easy answers. What emerges is a powerful portrait of one woman's path toward transcendence in a world that hates and objectifies women at every turn.

SEX OBJECT is an interesting book, partially because of what it contains but also partially because of how I think people are going to react to it. If you skimmed through it, you might say, "Oh, it's just another one of those self-effacing memoirs of a woman relating all of her sexual encounters." But that makes it too easy to dismiss this book - and it shouldn't be dismissed.

I know "microaggressions" is a loaded word with some people, but there really isn't a word out there that's quite as good at describing those little tiny "tells" of subconscious prejudice. SEX OBJECT shows many of the microaggressions women have to deal with on a day to day basis, from whether it's how women get the short end of the stick in most sexual encounters, to date rape, to sexual harassment, to pregnancies from hell.

SEX OBJECT is a collection of essays and as with most essays, they are uneven in quality. I think the most powerful essays are the ones where Valenti writes about her coming of age, and how young women are often the favorite targets of predatory men. I also liked the essays about abusive relationships, and how abusive doesn't always necessitate hitting - many of her ex-boyfriends found creative other ways of being abusive.

The most relatable chapter for me, however, was the last chapter, in which Valenti provides a collection of emails, tweets, and Facebook messages she's received from men who either insult her looks, threaten her with rape, or otherwise objectify or dehumanize her in an attempt to invalidate both her points and her as a person. It made me think of Buzzfeed's video, What it's like to be a woman online. It's a video I often trot out when reading books like these because it underscores what women have to deal with every day if they have an active, feminist presence online.

There are a lot of topics in SEX OBJECT that make for difficult reading: rape, rape threats, gore, sexual harassment, sexual harassment of minors, and all kinds of other infuriating things. But if you can stomach the content, you should read this book: it puts an interesting spin on what the sexual life of a woman can sometimes be reduced to, and why we should all be angry about it.

3 to 3.5 out of 5 stars!

I love Jessica's writing and own almost every book she has written. The first book I read that she wrote was Full Frontal Feminism and it was during my 1st year of College. I was inspired to read it after taking a Women in American History class and having a total shift in the way I viewed womanhood. Each book Jessica writes is more insightful and excellent than the one before, if that's possible. This one is no exception. I credit Jessica to teaching me an extraordinary amount about navigating life as a teenage girl and woman. I sometimes have a hard time reading a lot of the content that she covers in the book, but it really is worth it. It's simply a reminder of situations I have also experienced. I'm really excited to get through this book entirely and be able to expand on my review. So far, it is amazing.

This was an enjoyable read, describing a young life exuberantly lived with much risk. What was missing for me was some analysis of the behavior of the men around her. Why were the men in college so hostile? Why were the flashers in NY so numerous? Many young girls have experienced the disquieting sight of the latter; it always seems to appear to girls at their most vulnerable. Many of the males who have abused Valenti evidentlly harbored fear and hatred of females. I would have liked to hear her on the subject of where this comes from.

This was my first exposure to Jessica Valenti and I expected more. I wanted her to explain how she went from a young woman who abused drugs and slept around to a woman who found her power and became a feminist. That never happened. She never outlines any remarkable experience, so I fail to see the point of this memoir and why I should be interested in her story.

Having said that, it opened my eyes to how repulsive men can be. Her tales of exposed body parts on subways opened my eyes to a culture I had no idea existed. Those stories were interesting at least.

We’ve been lucky this year to see the release of some very strong feminist texts, from Dawn Foster’s “Lean Out” to the collection of Solnit essays in “Men Explain Things to Me”. To that, and others that of course I am missing, we should add Jessica Valenti’s “Sex Object”.

What makes this compelling is not the use of memoir to explore feminist themes - that has been done before. What makes this compelling is Valenti’s voice. I had not read anything by her previous to someone linking an essay in the Observer on twitter that was basically a teaser for this book. That, for me, was publicity that worked, since I immediately put the book on my list and am talking about it now. I got it and it was literally one of those books that I couldn’t put down, staying up two hours later than I normally would on a weeknight, and then finishing it the next day as I sat in my backyard with my feet in the grass as the birds ate at the feeder.

I don’t want to try to give anything away here, since the plot is her life and she tells it so much better than I would be able to in a truncated fashion here. What I want to relate is what reading this made me realize. There are a lot of hurdles to being a woman that just don’t exist when you’re a man. There’s so many things that you can blithely ignore because you are not at danger, and society isn’t structured so that you are automatically perceived as both weak and automatically subservient to any person (this goes double for being a white man). So what Valenti’s book really made me internalize, perhaps for the first time, is the reality of male privilege. Because what male privilege to me is now not what I get automatically for m=being a man, but it is more defined by absence. It is what I don’t have to deal with and what I don’t have to think about. It is the privilege to have that extra mental space to think about whatever I want. I think this is the key thing that critics of the idea of privilege miss. And is the memoir format that really drives the point home since it is one thing to intellectualize it, but it is another thing entirely to live in its absence.

I’m not really sure what the point of this memoir was. It seemed to be a litany of horrible things men have done without much reflection, analysis or commentary. I appreciate the honesty and candour with which Valenti talks about her own behavior which most of us 21st century urban liberal women probably identify with, but there is no deeper analysis of whether our self objectification is a result of men, or whether women are complicit in their own objectification and why. I listened to the audiobook and Valenti’s severe, monotone, depressing and emotionless delivery made it a tough listen. A list of shitty things men has done.... isn’t well, a memoir, which requires some degree of self reflection and analysis. A strange and rambling book, held together by little but misery. One note.

Jessica is one of the most relevant and poignant writers of our time. Her ability to portray, in words, the experience of countless women in our society, is appreciated and a breath of fresh air. The truth needs to be told. Experiences deserve to be heard. And feelings deserve to be addressed. I hope that Sex Object will give validation to the feelings of women the world over, and provide impact in the fight against rape culture.

"Yes, all men (and everyone else) should read this." That pretty much sums it up. I was already feminist when I came to this book, so this was more like furthering my education than showing up to the first class. Whether you're uncertain about feminism or a seasoned pro, this book is for you. It's hard-hitting, provocative, depressing... and yet encouraging. This is real. Maybe we don't all experience what Valenti describes, but some women, many women, do. Valenti walks through her encounters with men over the years, from boyfriend, hookups, to strangers on the street hurling abuses--and she's lucky when it's just words. Nothing in this book surprised me, which isn't to say it's not worth reading... It's worth reading because as a twenty-something in this world, /nothing/ about the abuses surprised me. I hope one day, with feminists like Valenti and others doing the heavy lifting, we won't have a need for books like this.

In buying “Sex Object,” I went looking for education and illumination about feminism and the feminist movement in its multiple expressions and manifestations. Having read Jessica Valenti’s graphically-personal memoir, I can report that I obviously went looking in the wrong place. Guess I must have been too gullible and swallowed hook-line-and-sinker the praise that has gushed forth about it.
First of all, I assumed that Ms. Valenti would be describing how she, as an innocent young woman, fell prey to a world of male dominance and oppression, all the way from traditional experience as a child (pink clothing; playing with dolls) to her encounter with harassment and inequitable pay and promotion in the workplace.
In other words, that she would be the unwilling “sex object” as in the title of her book, right?
Wrong. In detail we are told about her obsession with her body and her physical appearance, especially her breasts, as if she were willingly, evenly desperately trying to turn herself into an “object.”
No, she is not the “object” at all. Clearly, it’s the cute men who happen into her line of sight that are her “objects.”
With that point of view established, we are off with her to serial adventures having casual sex with uncounted boys and men and doping on alcohol, cocaine, Ecstasy.
To take a step back, these adventures follow her young and traumatising adventures with perverts on the streets and in the subways of New York City, giving this non-New Yorker the impression that the city is populated with armies of repulsive men exposing their penises.
Ms. Valenti closes “Sex Object” with an engrossing section on finding a companionable husband and becoming a mother, perhaps the most serious and, yeah, illuminating part of the book. But how that fits with the purported “Sex Object” theme — or feminism — sorry, I have no idea.

I devoured this book and related to much of it. Valenti is incredibly brave to share these stories. I am of the mind that sharing the hard, vulnerable, messy truths about ourselves is not "TMI" or oversharing; it is showing yourself to others so that they may get to know you and themselves better. It is the most human thing we can do. Valenti aims to connect her sexual life from childhood, adolescence and into her current life as a wife, mother and famous feminist and author to the sexist culture we all exist in. And I get that. Our choices are not free from the societies we exist, this Valenti makes clear. But I do think this connection could have been strengthened throughout the collection.

This memoir is a series of vignettes that, at their best, stun you with their sharp, concise clarity. But sometimes it seems as if Valenti is leaving deeper discussions and thoughts on the table. That is the only slight weakness that keeps me from giving 5 stars. I wish she had delved further in some cases. Not necessarily in revealing more autobiographical details but in explicitly connecting her experience with her feminist awareness. I think this could have been done without getting too academic. Valenti seeks to write mainstream, relatable books about feminism, not academic tomes. In her desire to reach as many as plainly as possible, sometimes the discussion is too superficial (as was the case with her previous book, Why Have Kids?). Additionally, she touches on her mental health struggles and these discussions really moved me but I think she could have further connected the dots in these pieces as well.

Still, I was riveted by this book and saw so much of my younger self and now my current self as a wife and mom in this. Valenti's writing is getting braver and she should keep going in the direction of this book.

This was my book of the summer. I picked it up on audio first (read by Valenti herself) for a car trip and it was so impactful I bought a hardback of it. This was my first time reading any of her work (I can't believe I never had!) She is so honest, not the least afraid to show the gritty side of her past. Although this is a memoir I feel it is a very important read. Valenti puts sexual harassment into words, what it feels like to walk down the street on guard, without sounding preachy.

Because this is so honest, it is graphic. So young readers be aware of the content and language.

"We see things not as they are, but as we are." This quote, attributed to Anais Nin and to an earlier Talmudic source, was my reaction to Valenti's troubling book. Our preconceptions, our conclusions about roles and behavior, can dramatically alter our attitudes toward each other and toward the world. I wish Valenti well, and I wish for her a more balanced, realistic, and wholesome approach to life, to loving male-female relationships, to motherhood, and to the choices she makes in the future.
As many readers have pointed out in this review section, this disjointed book (in need of a good editor) can read like a modern-day morality tale about the poor choices that she made. I would advise her not to read the comments on her various social media outlets as she develops the necessary protective shields and. let us hope, matures into all she can be.

I've been a fan of Jess' books for a while, so I was so excited when this one came out. More than any of her other titles, however, this one feels the most personal and the most important. She is speaking about herself, of course, but she's also helping to give a voice to so many young girls today. She puts into words so beautifully many of the feelings I've had as a young woman, and I enjoyed hearing about her path to becoming an author, as well. It's an enjoyable read and touches on a lot of important topics, so it will make you think and ruminate, like any good memoir does. And I'm a sucker for a good memoir.

Valenti's a great writer, and she brings a unique perspective on many social issues that affect women today. Her somewhat disinterested attitude about some topics seemed a bit forced, but for the most part I was here for what she had to say.

Change happens when people figure out ways to name negative situations. Jessica Valenti does that...without naming and describing we cannot be aware. Besides the importance of the subject matter, Valenti demonstrates skillful writing, full of nuance and understanding, but gripping enough to make it a summer page turner. Highly recommend!

One of the promises I made to myself for 2016 was to write bravely at least three times. This memoir is the definition of brave writing. Valenti takes us on her journey of objectification, sharing stories not unlike many women have experienced. She talks about her abortions, her boyfriends, her daughter - she even talks about the sexual abuse her mother and grandmother suffered. It's honest and unhinged. After reaching about the 75% mark, it inspired me to write my own piece for a blog - an entry about my absent father slated to post on...you guessed it - Father's Day. Sex Object is not for the squeamish but I guarantee that any woman who pick up this book WILL find a piece of themselves within Valenti's pages.

Read this book. Valenti's words could not come at a better time. As I write this Brock Turner has just been given a paltry six months in jail, Trump has accused HRC of playing "the woman card," and Fox has a billboards up across the country of Jennifer Lawrence being strangled to promote a movie. Sex Object explores the ways in which being female in the United States is exhausting, the toll of the constant barrage of patriarchy, sexism, and inequity, from the personal to the systemic. Valenti bravely excavates her own experiences to offer us a map so that we might do the same with our own.

I am a fan of Jess Valenti in general (social media, blogging, her columns) and I was so excited to read this book. Her level of honesty in this memoir impressed me--what she was willing to disclose to the reader about her life (and about life in general) was so remarkable and trustworthy (even as she writes all the ways the world has been terrible to her in the past). This might be the most honest memoir I've ever read. When she quits doing blow with her then boyfriend, leaves NYC, and moves to her parents' upstate to write her first book and says something like "I just stopped (doing coke) cold turkey. People ask me how I did it and I still don't know. I always wonder if it's still in me somewhere." The confessional tone that passage (and all of them) truly blew me away. This memoir also infuriated me about the way women are treated, particularly, on a daily basis in NYC. I spent the two weeks after reading this book walking down the street ready to jump down anyone's throat that breathed the wrong way. Normally, when I see a man eye a woman on the street (or subway) in the city, I want to speak out. ("That's offensive!" is my go-to line.) But then I remember Valenti's stories about when she did speak out, and how smart she is, noting that women ALWAYS need to consider whether they are in a safe enough space (and time) to do so. Everyone I know should read this book. I read it back to back with Lindy West's SHRILL which I also cannot recommend enough. Every woman I know should read both.

I'm a huge fan of Jessica Valenti's writing and was really excited when I heard she was coming out with another book. Almost as excited as I was when I found out I could hear her speak about it at the first stop on her book tour in D.C. This is an excellent memoir that exposes how exhausting and frustrating it is to be a woman in this country. It's raw and unfiltered, in a way that is necessary to do justice to the retelling of the horrible things that occur to women just by virtue of being a woman. Men want us to sugar coat these things so that they are easier to consume, but Jessica refuses to do that. She is brave in how she exposing herself and her stories. But I'd be willing to bet that every woman reading this book has experienced something similar. So I thank Jessica for telling these important narratives, especially with everything going on in the world right now. I have so much respect and admiration for her and this book has only reinforced those feelings. Highly recommend.

There have been so many times in my life (especially when dealing with men) when I've been outraged but too frustrated to find the words to describe why. Lucky for us, Jessica Valenti DID find the words and she wrote them all down in this beautiful book. Raw, honest and eye-opening about what it means to be a woman in this world. Jessica is like the wise older sister every young woman wants and needs. I'm endlessly grateful to her.

The jacket blurb trumpets Jessica Valenti's memoir as a combination of "Mary Karr and Joan Didion". That is a good indication of the schizoid nature of this book. The first half is a rather quease-inducing recounting of Valenti's youthful exploits and her downright icky encounters in the schools and subways of New York City. The second portion of the book seems to be written as a corrective---here Valenti has entered the sobering realities of the adult female body, beyond the fantasy projection... with a traumatic birthing experience, and subsequently, the worries brought by a very fragile young daughter.

The difficulty that I had with the book is that Valenti does not seem to "own" her own culpability in some of the bad choices she made as a young woman. As such, her reminiscences reminded me more of Mary Gaitskill ("Bad Behavior") than Mary Karr.... or perhaps Liz Phair's "Exile in Guyville." In the 1990's, the attitude seemed to be that young women have as much right to be mess-ups as young men. This seemed to be symbolized at the time in the double-fingered, double-fisted gestures popularized by figures like Courtney Love and Sean Young.

In this book, Valenti tries to square that kind of feminism with the "victim feminism" earlier propounded by authors like Susan Brownmiller, Andrea Dworkin, and Catherine McKinnon. "I don't know that laying claim to 'victim' is such a bad idea," Valenti writes. She doesn't seem to find her current role as a "feminist blogger" very fulfilling, writing of the discomfort she feels when approached by young women and men who ask her for answers to their dilemmas.

But, Valenti is a talented writer. Maybe she'll write something in the future that is a bit more circumspect in its outlook.

Reading this made me recall way too many of my own and my girlfriend's stories as teens and young adults about what we put up with and the warped, harmful, expectations from bits and men. We have to change this! I hate yo think of my son's and my friends ' daughters growing up with this same, or worse, story. Great book and Valenti is one brave woman!

I preordered this book – admittedly, from Apple – the second I heard about it because I love Jessica Valenti's writing so much. After reading the recent excerpt in The Guardian I was literally counting down the days until today. Very much enjoying it.

Sex Object is an insightful, involving memoir that I thoroughly enjoyed reading. This book is a different kind of book than Valenti's other offerings but no less essential. Instead of looking at widespread trends and patterns, Valenti offers a personal story that will remind you why you started calling yourself a Feminist in the first place. Sex Object is a great compliment to Valenti's other books and like those other books, it is a must read.

An excellent book. This is partly a serious articulation of the daily terrorism that women have faced just walking down the street, using a subway, using the internet or from their very families. Also a serious narrative that is definitely in the footsteps of Joan Didion. Most men have no idea what women go through on a day to day basis.

Reading this book was like reading a letter from myself in the future, or from another older girlfriend who isn't just standing there telling me how boys will be boys or how they have been through much worse than me so I have nothing to complain. I needed this and read it just when it was most important for me to read it.

Jessica Valenti's writing is stunning and open in this new memoir. She is a leading feminist voice; she is also very, very human and prone to being affected by shame, criticism, and patriarchy. In this book, she shows the behind-the-scenes: the vulnerabilities, the mistakes along the way, relationships with men, what sexual harassment feels like on a personal level, how it feels to be in the public eye, what it means to her to be a mother to a young daughter. I appreciated reading her story, and knowing what she has overcome while also writing important articles and books.

Reading this book was like reading a letter from myself in the future, or from another older girlfriend who isn't just standing there telling me how boys will be boys or how they have been through much worse than me so I have nothing to complain. I needed this and read it just when it was most important for me to read it.

Valenti writes about her many experiences as a "sex object" and illuminates how that role is bestowed upon women without their permission or blessing. It can be a tough read at times if only because it's very unfiltered and personal. I'm used to reading her work for The Guardian, which is (of course) much more editorial and has quite a different tone. Overall, I recommend it for several reasons... Not the least of which is that we need to be comfortable moving this type of discourse forward if we hope to forge safer pathways for women and girls of the next generation.

I have felt so alone in my life and experiences that I have had. I read this book all in one day. I felt like she was telling my story. I feel less alone in life now. I am grateful this book told the raw truth on complicated subjects.

Raw, engrossing and unflinchingly authentic, Jessica Valenti's new book is a long overdue look at how insidious sexism can be in our culture. As a woman and a mother of a daughter, I think this book should be required reading not just for us but for men too. It's also funny, and edgily optimistic. Jessica's sharing of her experiences is the ultimate act of hope and a balm in a world where sexism is so often on display in big and little ways.

This book didn't impress me at all. The first 1/2 of it was an endless commentary about the author's sexual encounters, from about age 11 on (she started early!). I just can't feel any sympathy for a woman who "tells it all" with no sense of propriety or pride. I find this book to actually be degrading to women. It's getting two stars (not just one - my first instinct) from me only because the second half of the book improved somewhat with more disclosure of the author's deep feelings, particularly about her very premature baby, her daughter. Still, the entire book was "too graphic" and insulted me as a woman. If the author had inserted some intelligent commentary about the things that happen to many women, it would have been easier to digest. I would strongly recommend that a potential buyer/reader NOT buy this book. It offers nothing that might better the cause of women; it only hurts it.

An amazing book!! Valenti has written a great book and the time to read it is now. In a year when political figures and ex media figures have harassed and demeaned women, and have been protected and coddled by those around them, this book takes on added significance. Everyone should read it....

I ordered this book with great anticipation of reading something that would inspire, enlighten, and broaden my understanding of what it means to be female. What it means to be a daughter, sister, mother, wife, and at times a sex object. This book made it seem as if the person was merely going through life without taking ownership for her choices. I found it sad, and it lacked any kind of wisdom that I would expect from a feminist. Was it honest? I suppose at the very least it was that, but I was looking for more depth. It left me feeling empty, and disheartened. I think as feminists and females we are about so much more.

This book brings to light what so many women feel but struggle to speak about publicly. Valenti's bravery to stand in her truth and boldly share her personal stories gives power and voice to women everywhere. This book is a rallying cry for every woman to stand in her own truth and every man to recognize and take responsibility for the dramatic changes we must undergo for a truly equitable society. May it be required reading for all.

This book was disappointing to me in that only about 15% of the book (my rough estimate) actually speaks about the author's experiences as a "sex object". To me, that material that material was well worth reading, if not actually riveting. However, the rest of the book is more of a traditional autobiography. In my view, therefore, the book's title and advance praise are misleading as to the actual content of the book.

I googled the picture the author mentioned in the book; it didn't look to me as if she was deliberately emphasizing her breasts. Some people are just haters and look for anything to criticize about another human being. Those people are sad and pathetic. I enjoyed reading this book even though it made my blood boil. I also lived in NYC and had men make obscene comments to me in the streets. I yelled at them to publicly shame them and they slinked off; my hope was that they would think twice before trying to harass another woman in the streets. My only problem with these essays: I wish the author would strongly advise other young women about the dangers in combining drugs/alcohol with "romance"; that is how you: 1-get raped 2-waste time with a looser. I'm glad the author ended up with a good husband and a precious daughter.

This book spoke to so much of what I feel and have felt. She is so honest, vulnerable, messy and inspiring. This memoir is so powerful, I couldn't put it down! I definitely recommend this to everyone.

I lost track of how many times I nodded my head, sighed in recognition, laughed morbidly and wanted to scream while reading this - and that's all meant as a compliment to the author. I think almost any woman will see a whole lot in here that she can immediately identify with, and the underlying premise - that Valenti sums up in the intro when say asks, "Who would I be if I didn't live in a world that hated women?" - hit so close to home for me that I almost cried. I'm sure this was an incredibly difficult process, writing this book, but I'm damn glad she did it.

An excellent memoir from one of the greatest feminist thinkers of our time. This book is really part-memoir, part-theory. I read it in one day, and was so struck by the power of some of her sentences. I can't recommend it enough! Such a great book for both women AND men.

I want to start this review off by saying, first and foremost, that I love Jessica Valenti's other books (The Purity Myth, and Full Frontal Feminism, to name a few). I even had a chance to meet her and have her autograph some of her books for me. I did not enjoy this book, however. There were a number of stories in here that I did not need to know about Jessica and would prefer to move them out of my head. I did not need to know that Jessica once broke her finger while walking into the bathroom to have sex with a man at a party. I fail to see how this is relevant to anything I need to know for this book. While I found some of the anecdotes in this book entertaining and insightful, overall I just didn't get what Jessica Valenti's message was supposed to be. The stories jump all over the place, and quite frankly I did not need to hear about Valenti's sex life.

I do not recommend this book. Read any other book written by Jessica Valenti but avoid this one at all costs.

This book was emotionally hard to read. You can't root for such a self hating, ex-promiscuous druggie. I wish she valued herself and life in general. It was a scary peek into the life of someone with almost no morals and awful experiences with men. Won't be raising my kids in New York, that's for certain. Can't recommend this book to anyone.

This poor woman made lots of poor choices from drug abuse to promiscuity. She then attempts to elevate herself at everyone else's expense. A pathetic diatribe from a woman who either never had, or lost her moral compass and common sense.

Good morning world!

If you had told me a month ago that I was walking around asleep, I wouldn't have believed you. But now, after reading Jessica Valenti's book, I realize that I have been completely blind to the secret world that actually exists around me. You see, I always thought that I lived in a free country whose laws permitted me to make my own choices--but boy, was I wrong. I now know that, even though I can't see it, I am secretly being constantly held down and discriminated against. I used to think that I am where I am in life because it is what I am capable of accomplishing, but obviously, if you take into account all the bad decisions the patriarchy brainwashed me into making from birth, I should really be CEO by now. Granted, even after this awakening, I still can't quite totally SEE the sexism and patriarchy all around me, but I KNOW it's there and, sometimes, if I squint really hard and imagine feminist glasses slipping over my eyes, I can almost see the brutal oppression I am constantly experiencing. Thank you so much Jessica Valenti for finally making me feel justified in asking for special privileges, as I now know they are still less than I deserve for everything I've had to go through as as woman! Just... thank you. Thank you.

In the Introduction chapter of Jessica Valenti's book, Sex Object: A Memoir, the author asks the question, "Who would I be if I didn't live in a world that hated women?"

For starters, that is a goofy question to begin a book with. It is obvious she is referring to men (unless she is suggesting that not only are the vast majority of men in the world misogynists, but also a significant percentage of other women as well). So, the real question that Ms. Valenti should start off with should be more appropriately, "Who would I be if I didn't live in a world where most men in society didn't exhibit hatred and misogyny toward women?"

I remember once back in Summer of 1985 (when I had a 42'' chest and a 29'' waist and about 8% of body fat), I had a female friend invite me to model some men's underwear for a lingerie shop in Bloomington, Indiana (my alma mater is Indiana University). I was one of three men selected, and we joined 6 or 7 female models. I walked through the all-female crowd wearing a men's g-string, and this is when I first realized that if a man is handsome and perceived as having a high degree of sex appeal, HE TOO will be 'objectified' as opposed to being treated like a multi-dimensional human being. Women began to touch on my physique without my consent or permission. They grabbed on me - as well as my two fellow male models - as if they were ENTITLED to touch on me.

My point in sharing this story is not to brag on how lean, muscular and athletic my physique was 31 years ago, but rather to emphatically highlight that BOTH MEN AND WOMEN are frequently "objectified." The difference between most men and many women is that the vast majority of men LOVE being treated like "sex objects." I would even go as far as to suggest that most men PREFER to be treated "sex objects." What men hate is being treated like "male girlfriends" and/or "play brothers." I feel totally insulted when a woman treats me like I am not worthy of being anything more to her than a purely platonic male "friend." I would say I speak for most men.

The thing is, women enjoy men's non-sexual / purely platonic companionship probably ten times more than men enjoy spending time with women in a purely platonic manner. And THIS is what REALLY leaves women feeling agitated, irritated, and frustrated (this is discussed in the , The Beta Male Revolution: Why Many Men Have Totally Lost Interest in Marriage in Today's Society). If a man is attracted to a woman physically and sexually, more often than not, he has no desire to remain "just friends" with a woman. This is a concept that I feel leaves the author and the fellow members of her gender feeling delusional about and in denial.

Another thing: I am so sick and tired of women (and particularly feminists) whining about this so-called "double standard" (i.e., men who are labeled 'players' and 'womanizers' when they are sexually active and promiscuous, but women being labeled as 'sluts' and 'whores' when they are sexually active and promiscuous). THAT IS NOT MEN'S FAULT. THIS IS WOMEN'S FAULT. Women love promiscuous men. They cannot get enough of them (I am speaking from personal experience as well as my personal observation). If women, as a group, were to CHOOSE to avoid dating and/or marrying men who have a reputation for being promiscuous ... PROBLEM SOLVED. There would be no more "double standard." Quit blaming men for the fact that you women are far more willing to be the wife of a highly promiscuous man than most men are willing to be the husband to a highly promiscuous woman.

For every choice and decision we make - men and women - there are going to be potential consequences, criticisms, judgments, and/or repercussions. You just have to accept that as fact and deal with it. Quit whining and complaining. If women do not want to be 'sexually objectified' ... eat junk food every day, allow yourself to gain 40 or more pounds, and stop taking care of your grooming and hygiene. Then women will stop being sexually objectified by just about all men overnight. Trust.

Here are some of the points expressed by Ms. Valenti that I am in agreement with:

A) If a man makes a sexual advance toward a woman ... and he is rebuffed ... he should then immediately leave the woman alone. If the man persists after being straightforwardly rejected, then he is more than guilty of "harassing" a woman;

B) No man should feel like he is 'entitled' to grope a woman's body (like those horny women groped my body in 1985) when she has not given him the green light to do so; Such behavior is representative of sexual harassment, if not borderline sexual assault;

C) If a woman is not interested in engaging in oral sex, anal sex, and/or vaginal intercourse with a man, she needs to make that specifically clear to a man before she begins 'making out' with that guy; Similarly, if a man is interested in engaging in sexual relations with a woman, he needs to express that to a woman in an upfront, specific, and straight-to-the-point manner in order to prevent "compromising situations" that could potentially lead to date-rape or sexual assault;

There are few other valid points and assertions that are expressed, but the overall demonizing of the male gender in this book is totally unwarranted and invalid. Next time, Ms. Valenti needs to present a book that is more objective-minded than what was presented in this recent effort.

Valenti is so scared to name black and latino men, she engages, stalks and harasses marginalized white queers looking for posterized victims she and her crew of gender fabulists can make into the next hannibal lecter. she is a bigot and abully trying to play politically correct games with an issue she swears is the end all be all of human engagement and one of course she is a victim of and not a perpetrator. She misunderstands sexuality on such a massive scale she can write 400 pages on a subject best covered in one come on from a street pimp. not that valenti would really know. her exposure to sexual come ons are really about race. she is not an object, she is an objection. this is dangerous communal fantasy to misappropriate and mis identify racial hostility for sexual aggresiveness. worse is when she and those who share her platform expand their misunderstanding by blaming "all men" and the "culture" for a bunch of hoodlums in the street.

This is an extraordinarily dark and painful look into what being a female is all about. Valenti surely is experiencing this lifetime with the worst possible karma ever, and I find it hard to imagine many, if any, women being able to relate to this, much less find support or inspiration in her bleak tales. Wait, was this supposed to be comedy? If so, it wasn't the tiniest bit funny. Bleah!

I should have known that a book written by a liberal feminist wouldn't be for me, but I decided to give it a chance anyway. I'd hoped 'Sex Object' would enlighten or inspire me, instead I found it degrading towards women and I was actually offended at times while reading. I found myself saying "when is this garbage going to be over" from about 1/2 way through until finally, it was. It started out ok, where she addressed the title of the book and how awful it is to be viewed that way by men. I think all women can agree that sucks, "feminist" or not.

Then the book turned into her talking about her breasts and sexual conquests OVER and OVER and OVER. I'm sorry, if you don't want to be viewed as a 'sex object', how about stop sleeping with every penis that comes your way? How about stop putting your breasts on display on purpose, for attention? She whines about how terrible it is to be treated like a 'sex object' but acted like nothing more than one!

I also cringed when she spoke of her not one, but two abortions. I wish I knew this book was going to go into great detail on abortions and leaky breasts, I would have saved my time and money. Jessica went into great detail about her pregnancy (the only one she actually DID keep) and raising her daughter. I'm sorry, but I just don't care. I picked up this book to read about sexism, not child-rearing. The second half of this book is just a rant about raising her kid and how living is Boston isn't good enough for her. Jessica made herself sound like such an unlikeable person, that the only reason I kept listening to the book was because I spent money on it.

As someone who is a free-thinking, Independent, staunch pro-lifer, I shall certainly do more research before I pick up another book that spits out garbage at me about how terrible abortions are (aww, you poor thing, how bout the baby you murdered, twice?), and how wonderful she thinks her breasts are. (Btw- googled her, they are pretty average boobs...).

Lastly, if you have a major speech impediment, as Jessica Valenti does, why in blue hell would you decided to narrate your own book?? It's incredibly distracting and annoying to listen to, and the only reason I could think of as to why she narrated it herself, was that her narcissism overcame her. This book really couldn't have gotten much better, but perhaps a smidgen better if read by someone, anyone, else.

I wouldn't have a problem with the incessant "poor me" bleating from white western feminists, if it didn't interfere with the efforts to advocate for women WHO ACTUALLY NEED ADVOCACY. How much has Jessica Valenti donated to charities for girls and women subjected to female genital mutilation? How often has she traveled to India to advocate for an end to a system of dowry that results in women being set on fire on a DAILY BASIS? Pray tell, what has Ms. Valenti done to help the African women who are rejected by their communities, forced to live alone and fend for themselves in the wilderness, when suffering from fistula-related injuries? I can imagine how instrumental Ms. Valenti has been in fighting for equal rights for women in Muslim countries... Oh no, that doesn't sell books, and lest we ever forget, all that matters to modern feminists are Western White women. Today's American feminists must always write tripe like this book to steal the coveted label of victim from women who are ACTUALLY SUFFERING. As a Western White woman, I find their constant need for attention, with the specific purpose of shifting attention AWAY from women in third world countries, to be embarrassing. Do everyone a favor and read "Half of the Sky", to learn ways that you can help women around the world WHO ACTUALLY NEED HELP.

I hate to rate this book so low because I do feel many women will have stories similar to Jessica's and they may get something out of this book. But for me it was a lot of complaining. If poor people aren't allowed to complain about being poor why are some women allowed to complain about some guys wanting them for their bodies? If those guys don't interest you move on to someone else who does. It's like a guy crying about rejection hes faced from women. Women would scream boo hoo suck it up and rightfully so.

Jessica Valenti's writing is stunning and open in this new memoir. She is a leading feminist voice; she is also very, very human and prone to being affected by shame, criticism, and patriarchy. In this book, she shows the behind-the-scenes: the vulnerabilities, the mistakes along the way, relationships with men, what sexual harassment feels like on a personal level, how it feels to be in the public eye, what it means to her to be a mother to a young daughter. I appreciated reading her story, and knowing what she has overcome while also writing important articles and books.