The Definitive Book on Letting Go of Unhealthy Relationships

I picked up this book at a used book sale hoping it would provide some new insights into my codependent family. I somehow missed the fact that it was going to point everything back to the authors' religious beliefs. There was a lot of great information in the first half or so of the book, but the closer I got to the end of it, the more they harped on using Christian beliefs as a tool in the recovery process. For those who are Christians, I'm sure this is a very helpful approach... but I had a problem with the way they actively painted non-Christians, especially atheists and agnostics, as inherently broken people who will never fully recover from codependency unless they start believing the same things the authors do.

The book was great at reiterating what all of my problems were and even painting some of them in a new light I hadn't thought of yet. It did help to elucidate some things. However, I wanted some solid advice on specific issues that I have struggled with, particularly dealing with anger and guilt. Instead, what I got was some halfhearted homework exercises followed by pages full of promises that if I would just put my faith in this deity I don't believe in, my problems would all go away.

Through most of the book, I thought I would give this a 4/5. I couldn't give it the final point because it was just a little too preachy. However, after reading further, I can't give it higher than a 3/5, because it didn't really provide me with too many solutions that are viable for me as a non-Christian. It would be so nice if I could find a book on codependent/ACoA recovery that doesn't force faith into the picture.

Let me tell you my story instead of critiquing the book.

I was stalked for two years after my ex-husband, who has antisocial personality disorder, in other words, a sociopath. He was charged by the state of Florida for felony stalking. This book helped me realize how I was paralyzed by fear and self-doubt after a ten year relationship with this man, who was verbally abusive. I am normally an outgoing, confident person, but after ten years, this person was gone. Victimization is a difficult feeling to change, but this book helped me change my point of view. Reading it opened my eyes about how a normal relationship should be.

As far as self-help books goes, this one is golden. I've bought several copies to give to other women (although men can be victimized and manipulated too), who have been caught up in codependent relationships. Given time and education, I am now back to normal. And that feeling is priceless. I heartily recommend this book to anyone in a poisonous, codependent relationship.

Right around the time when I began to realize that my marriage was not going to survive, I dove into self help and recovery books with laser like precision. I bought this book, because I was in need of knowing whether or not there was some way I could save my marriage on my own. The title "Love is a Choice" prompted me to think that perhaps love was that simple; a matter of choice.

I was happily surprised when I began to understand the premise of the book was not that simple. We all have the choice to love ourselves or not. We all have the choice to learn about our inner wounds or not. We all have the choice to try to understand why we are the way we are, or not.

This book helped clear up my ideas about codependency and the innumerable ways in which it effects our minute to minute thought processes.

Although I could not save my marriage alone, I did learn to save myself...

The concepts in this book were clear and easy to follow. Their many case studies made understanding very complex relationship dynamics easy to relate to.

There is not anyone who would not benefit from the teachings in this book.

I highly recommend this book...

Namaste...

Don't let the title fool you. Although this is a book about dealing with failed adult relationships, the main emphasis in on the phenomena of co-dependency. Unresolved issues of childhood are the primary cause, and Drs Hemfelt, Minnerth and Meier go through many real life case studies that lead the reader to examine their own life, as well as the life of thier "significant other". Realizing how your lowly filled "love tank" is affecting your life is a powerful tool for recovery. Realizing you have a loving heavenly father is a key to recovery as well. I think this book is excellent for anybody experiencing a significant problem with a marriage or other long term relationship.

This is the premier book for overcoming codependency, especially for Christians. It was actually one of my required textbooks in Bible college. I have read this book over and over again. As a Christian counselor, I have recommended it so many times I should be getting royalties! This books helps you to understanding your hurts and behaviors, where they came from and how to be set free. I appreciate the fact that it is not written just for the family members and friends of addicts like most codependency books and addresses "unhealthy relationships" instead.

Excellent self help book. Hard to read the reality of what the doctors are saying. It does get worse before it gets better. I learned so very much from this book and have had it passed on to me. I hope to pass it on to others.

I am a spiritual person but not Christian. Have a friend who is always trying to get me to go to church with her and giving me religious information. When I broke up with my boyfriend, she used it as an opportunity to continue the trend and give me this. I was a bit skeptical but was hurting and read it because I was desperate. Found the information helpful and the book actually pretty interesting. Made me look at things from a different perspective. I think Christians and those who are open-minded will benefit by reading this book. For a more secular viewpoint, look at Codependent No More.

Having been raised in a home with an alcoholic father and abusive parents in general, I was left in a codependant stuper. At thrity-something and after the birth of a fourth child I found myself in a serious depression I couldn't shake. Having gone through years of counseling and having dealt with much of my past, I was suprised to see it creep up again. This book gave me some powerfully accurate information as well as some great tools for dealing with my situation. I highly recommend this book to anyone who wants to finally be rid of the old tapes in their head.

This book is EXCELLENT. In the first place, it's SO readable. In the second, it's SO insightful and so clearly explained.

Great case studies, great points made about codependence (which is more prevalent than you probably thought - something in here probably applies to at least one of your relationships).

I am a 63 year old Pastor's wife. My husband preached a sermon, after reading "Love is a Choice" in the 1990's when the book first came out. I chose to put it into practice, and chose to love my husband no matter what he said or did to me. I lasted 6 months, and it was the happiest time of my life. After 6 months a voice said I didn't have the strength to do it anymore, so I quite for many years. In 2008 I made a vow to "Choose to Love", no matter what people said or did, for 7 years, because I wanted to make my husband and my mothers life happy the last years of our life. I started having so many wonderful things happen in my life, so after 2 months I decided to write them down. So for 9 months I wrote the changes that were happening One of the biggest changes was if I decided to love I would need to give up running away when ever my husband upset me. My suicidal thoughts no longer had control of me. I started running away when I was 11 and the suicidal thoughts started at that age also. I chose to stay and talk things out with my husband. It has been 2 years now. Before I vowed to choose to love I was runing away 4x a week.
I haven't run away in 2 years. Choosing to love has changed my life and made me free. I wrote "My Story". I now know what the abundant life is.

This is a must read for individuals with codependant issues. It is written from a biblical perspective by three Drs. Is uses scripture all the way through it. It is very easy reading and very simple to understand. The very best book on codependancy I have ever read. I use it to counsel people.

Learned a lot about the "why's" behind the behaviors the first time, saw clearly how it applied to my life the second time. Not very good about finishing books, but finished this one. Well worth the read. So glad my counselor recommended it to me.

I found the information in this book very helpful. It is easy to read and understand. It is encouraging. It provides insight into what's going on when you're trying to cast off old ways of living that hold you back.

This book is worth reading, not only for the information to help you grow personally, but to be more aware and understanding of others in your life.

Although the authors may be religious, this does not come across heavily in the book and would not complicate a non-religious person using the information and insights to change things they don't like.