A Handbook for Unapologetic Living - Things No One Will Tell Fat Girls

This book was recommended as something "all women of all sizes" should read on a blog I follow. The the store description also implies that it's a self-love promoting book for everyone. Within the first few chapters, it becomes apparent that the target audience is obese women, not "women of all sizes" and there's next to nothing in it for women of a not-obese size who have body image issues. Around the entire chapter yelling at me that obese women are often healthier than "skinny" women, which just plain isn't true the majority of the time, I gave up.

The writing style is barely tolerable. You would think a teenager wrote this, not a respected blogger. There's enough bold, italics, and all caps to be seriously annoying, waaaaaay too much low class slang, and a large amount of profanity that honestly serves no purpose except to be obnoxious.

Although the author claims to be promoting body equality for everyone of all sizes, colors, abilities, and so on, she has some very obvious resentment against "skinny" women and completely fails to acknowledge that most of the women who think they're fat in this day and age are nowhere near obese. I found myself skipping over entire chapters that are irrelevant and/or outright insulting if you're a size that obese women consider "skinny." So there's not much in here for slightly overweight women who have body image issues. The parts about the beauty industry are eye opening, but I feel like there's probably a book that can say as much, in better quality English, without all the pro-obesity, anti-fitness rants disguised as feminism. In fact I think it's pretty horrible that a book about "body positivity" shares such negative and sometimes degrading opinions about women who make any effort to eat right, exercise, and avoid gaining an enormous amount of weight. My big takeaway after reading about half the book and giving up is that women who are on the obesity spectrum have a lot of hate for healthy, fit, slim women.

I would like to thank Perseus Books Group, Seal Press for an ARC of this book in exchange for an open and honest review.

Wow. What a book! To let you know what interested me in reading it: I’m tall (6’2), fat (hovering in the 17 stone range) and - a scary trifecta to some – smart (not Mensa). And, on top of that all I am at peace with my inner self… while not a big fan (actually totally the most horrific enemy) of my outer, physical self. And I am sarcastic, brash and blunt and LOVE reading stuff by sarcastic, brash and blunt women!

With me so far? This was the sort of book I was interested in as sceptical me didn’t think anything could change my opinion of myself. It’s my opinion… of MYSELF… so of course I’m an expert. ;-)

Okay, so I can’t say this book has turned me into a total convert who LOVES herself and is proud of herself… but it has made me wake up and realise all those positive things I’m always telling people about themselves, all those positives I try and seek in every situation… I’ve been turning a blind eye to seeking those positive in my physical self. THAT is what this book has done.

‘Things No One Will Tell Fat Girls’ isn’t about being fat. It’s not about being thin. It’s not even about being a girl. This book is about having the reader wake up and realise how awesome they are. I do this, I am constantly telling people they are worth it, they are important… but I only focus on what is within as I can’t cope with facing my own exterior. This isn’t a book about fat, thin, girls, boys, etc. It’s about your exterior and how the only way others are going to accept it for what it is, is if you do so first. And I thank Ms Baker for that. For years it is something I’ve struggled with and she’s finally been the person to prise open that stubborn willed door to help me start to see this.

This book is not encouraging you to be fat. Not asking me to give up my ‘foodie ways’ and embrace pizza and over eating and getting unhealthy. None of that is even MENTIONED. But sadly that’s what a lot of people I spoke to thought when they heard the word ‘fat’. This book is trying to help remove the negatives that come with such a small word. Fat. It’s not about you, food, clothes or health. It’s just a word to describe a part of your body. Of ALL our bodies.

Oh dear, I can feel this review becoming a bit of a soapbox moment so I will shut up before someone comes and pulls it out from under me and I fall on my arse.

But before I do stop soapboxing, I will say this: I’m a mum of three young kids and two are girls and the other a boy with ASD. So I am constantly reaffirming how awesome they are, how fantastic they look and how terrific it is to be different. I compliment them… but found I was unable to take compliments back when they would say things like “you’re beautiful mummy”. ‘Things No One Will Tell Fat Girls’ has honestly helped me with this bad situation. I might not be a total convert yet, but it’s helped me stop gritting my teeth when I’m complimented. There is no hidden agenda in my kids saying it – just accept it. And I’m starting to now see I can, and will. Affirmation in the making maybe?

Okay, so I better get back to the actual review and not just spouting about how this book has affected me. There is a lot of swearing. But Ms Baker does warn us about it at the start, so no complaints there. It did mean reading affirming parts of it out to my girls needed a bit of mental translation as I went - and that they weren’t allowed to read it over my shoulder - but that’s okay too. It is why I didn’t give it the full 5 stars though, sorry.

My girls may only be 8 and 10 but they are savvy and they are already feeling the effects of the stupid body (and mind) image stigma happening. They’re tall and smart too… fat may still come if they get my genes more than their dad’s. So maybe a less sweary ‘G’ rated version would be good to let girls learn these fantastic truths as they enter the soul hating teen years… not something they can read while recovering from them later. Just a thought. ;-)

Other than that, this is an insightful, inspirational, funny and really, really mind altering (in a good way) book. And it is our minds we need to be altering here. Our bodies are fine the way they are, let them be. Let’s get those stupid mental preconceptions ingrained in our souls, break them down and realise we are what we are, love it, live it and BE it.

Would I recommend this book to others? Oh hell yes. Except maybe my Nanna… not a book for Nanna, too sweary. But yes I would recommend it to EVERYONE else! This is not just a book for we fat girls, that’s just a title. We all have bodies, so we all have body image issues. And so we need more books like this to help us realise we’re all in it together and maybe once we’ve realised that we can start cutting each other (and ourselves) some slack.

Would I buy this book for myself? Yes I would. And I would get my kids to read it, as well as Ms Bakers blog and many of the places she references in it as they’re growing up so they realise that no matter what they look like – that’s awesome as that’s who they are. Whether than start to grow outwards when they stop growing upwards, whether they stay “supermodel thin” once puberty take hold (yeah, good luck keeping slender hips in this family girls) – It doesn’t matter. And I feel every family needs such reference guides to help us all remember how awesome we are (on the outside as well as the inside).

In summary: A powerful, emotional and uplifting book with a lot of swearing in it. ;-) Seriously though, this is a good read. I know I’ve said it before but I feel I need to say it again – not a book about (or just for) fat girls! This is a book for those of us who can’t look ourselves in the mirror without cringing, sighing or dreaming of a better view.

Best thing I got from ‘Things No One Will Tell Fat Girls’ is this: You are what you are. Go with it, embrace it, cherish it and celebrate it. If you're not happy with what you are, it might not be WHAT you are that needs changing, more HOW YOU LOOK AT YOURSELF. Accept who you are, that is not admitting defeat, that is making a stand and moving on with being YOU.

Things No One Will Tell Fat Girls is an interesting, important book on the body love movement that speaks to everyone, not just the titular “fat girls.” Author Jes Baker fearlessly tackles the body positive movement, taking on not just sizeism, but racism, classism, ableism, and more. Things No One Will Tell Fat Girls encourages women and men of all sizes to challenge what has become completely ingrained in our society: the idea that one type of body (whatever that may be) is the ideal and that anything less is unworthy of love, respect, or dignity.

Intellectually, most of us know that the ideal body image the media sells us is not only physically unattainable for 95% of the population but is also simply corporations capitalizing on people’s wants and fears. However, the way this image has pervaded every aspect of our lives makes it difficult for many of us to fully love our bodies, to fearlessly face a world where we are constantly made to feel “less than,” and to accept the love from ourselves and others that we deserve. Not only that, this picture of the perfect man or woman has an impact on every aspect of our lives, and if you don’t fit in it affects you socially, medically, etc. Ms. Baker’s research and discussion regarding how body love can change the world is insightful. I may not have agreed with absolutely everything in this book, but that’s ok. Ms. Baker challenged my viewpoint and made me look at things in a different light. What she and her contributors succeed in doing by opening up is to make you think, and their words are sure to inspire you to question the information you’ve been fed all your life. Because everybody, absolutely everybody, deserves love, acceptance, compassion, and understanding.

There are simply too many topics in Things No One Will Tell Fat Girls to talk about and for me to try and summarize each would do the book a great injustice. Ms. Baker does her best to be inclusive in talking about the body love movement and her care in doing so makes the book all the better. This is truly the best book on body love I’ve read yet and if you go in with an open mind, you will mostly likely find something to inspire you. Ms. Baker has an intelligent, powerful, funny voice that shines and makes Things No One Will Tell Fat Girls a must read!

Kimberly
Review courtesy of Wit and Sin

This book should be ready with really *anyone* with any kind of mild body dysmorphia. Yes, the book is primarily about fat people and primarily about fat women, but it is also about the general social forces working to intimidate and insult the general population and its physical flaws. Jes is an amazing writer; I picked up this book after stumbling onto her TED talk, which is a great introduction to her quick, witty and abrasive style. I'm not fat (I have abs) and I'm not a girl (although I do have great child-rearing hips), but I found this book to be transformative. It helped me deeply, thoroughly reconsider how I think about fat people, and how my thoughts are *very* conditioned by unfair assumptions posed by national media sources. I strongly recommend this book to everyone. I will definitely read it again. -Ryan Mease

Jes reminds women how powerful they are despite what the world around them says. Woman are bombarded daily with constant reminders of their inadequacy in the work place, relationships, and life in general. It is inspiring and groundbreaking to have a woman come forward and say to hell with that logic and encourage other women to define themselves differently. What would happen if one morning you decided to eat the damn donut instead of worrying someone is going to judge you because fat girls should never ever be caught eating dessert? Nothing catastrophic happens. The world does not come tumbling down because you allow yourself to enjoy something. You can a piece of yourself back that society has taken from you, and you allow yourself to smile, indulge, and enjoy yourself.

Jes's kind, strong, and unfiltered words remind us to breathe and really look at the amazing and beautiful women we are. Not what size, color, age, or race we are. Just beautiful creatures that can accomplish incredible things in our lives if we allow ourselves to be open to change and vulnerability.

Given that so many women struggle with body dysmorphia, and categorize themselves as fat, this book definitely applies to us all.

It's been 10 years since I started on a similar journey as the one Jes relates (at least similar to her personal development journey, not her awesome rise to fame), and I, too, devoured every resource I could access. I read this book because I like Jes's sassy style, not because I expected to find much brand new info. But, sometimes I'm wrong, and this is one of those times.

You lose something when you realize that no one needs to change themselves, but the rest of the people you know are still buying it. You miss out on the bonding that comes with the commiserating about your neck jowls or the diet-cheating days and other body-hating topics that define so many "casual" conversations. That's where women are in their comfort zones, but they stop being your comfort zone. It can get kind of lonely.

Jes really helped me fill this gap. She escorts her readers to meet a whole sub-culture of unapologetic human beings owning their bodies, reveling in their disobedience, and delighted for you to bring your mess to the party.

Now, instead of being excited while I'm reading the book, but watching the truth of it fade away when I finish it, I'm following up on what I learned from the book by diving into the community she introduces. Camaraderie makes all the difference.

This is an amazing book, for anyone of any gender type and body size. No kidding.

Baker has done her research and mixes this with life experience to create a funny and blunt book about body image. Yes, she cusses quite a bit, but if you have ever been on the loosing end of body shaming the language is appropriate. It is eye opening in it's message of love.

I have the audiobook and Baker reads her book. She has a voice that is very trust inducing, comforting, and unpretentious. I think that hearing her speak added to the experience. Never mind the rough language - if you can't handle F-bombs and put down this book, you'll miss out. That seems to be the biggest criticism of 1 and 2 star reviews, and I feel sorry for anyone who didn't still manage to finish this.

I am a woman of a certain age, size, background ... all of which "society" disapproves, and this has been a stunning life changer.
I now own a bikini and I'm wearing it.

The message is important enough to me to share this book with everyone - AND I CANNOT STRESS THAT ENOUGH - I am also in the camp of "this book has a little too much swearing." My mom wouldn't read it because she was too offended, and she is exactly the audience that needs to read a swearing-free version of this book. Maybe one day there'll be a "for your delicate grandma" edition? :)

Revolutionary! This book really should be handed out to every woman. Who doesn't have body loathing? The standards set by society are unattainable to most of us and thats ok. Do yourself a favor and read this book.

I couldn't even finish it. The chapter on medical bias did me in. Let me start by saying that I work in healthcare and I ABSOLUTELY know that there is bias against obesity in medicine. I truly think that there are times that a hand-waving "Just lose weight" is given instead of thoughtful discussion and testing when it comes to obese people.

On the other hand, this woman decided that there MIGHT be times when obesity is harmful to the health but qualifies it by saying IF the obese person thinks so. Whaaaaaaaaaaaaa? Sure thing, lady.

I love this book along with Landwhale. I've recommended both to many of my friends that suffer from the "must be skinny" stigma. She will open your eyes and give you a new view on life, diets, self-love and everything in between. A MUST read!

Author could easily have made her very valid points without using the vulgar language. I am NO prude,
but Jes Baker's mouth is filthy. Barely a sentence is used without SEVERAL expletives. I became annoyed by the second CD and grew tired of listening to an otherwise, very profound work. Moms ... if you buy this for your teenager, BEWARE! Should be 'Rated (R)' ... So disappointed.

I received an advanced reader copy through Netgalley.

Jes Baker writes in a very accessible, funny, and relatable way. She deserves praise for tackling tough issues related to obesity, positivity, and body image for both men and women.

Just like another reviewer says- the F bomb is pretty much on every page 10 times. She seems very angry and mad st the world- entitled may be a better word- makes me think she’s not OK with her body- she just manifests her anger and outrage and it bubbles over into this book. I read nothing positive in here or uplifting- my only take away is I hope I don’t ever come across as the author does.

I bought the e-book because I follow Whitney Thor and she recommended this...however, after about 2 chapters, I couldnt read anymore. Im sorry-but so much ranting and raving about "body shaming" and "fat-power"....Im a heavy woman, have been my whole life...but I dont need to get motivated by reading about someone else whose just trying to convince herself that its okay to be morbely obese. There is much more that comes along with that then ridicule. Its something when you're young you rarely think about. But as I have aged, I have realized that although Im overweight, I can still do my best to maintain "healthy" that isnt the picture of stick-thin model form, but its definitely a "good" on the health scale. If this is the movement that is helping heavy women believe in themselves, good for you-whatever works. But just remember, this too will pass....and in the end, you'll be left with nothing but YOUR HEALTH. Be big. But be HEALTHY.

I checked out the audio eBook from my local library. Ms. Baker reads the book herself. I thoroughly loved her passionate, exuberant voice! She enlightened me through her personal life-changing body-love discoveries, while teaching me about all the ways our "atypical" bodies are shamed and what to do about it. She starts with the cultural and historical underpinnings of the concept of the ideal body, and builds her case with her in-depth research. I feel solidly empowered after reading this book. But . . .

In her introduction of herself, she proclaims that she swears a lot, and she does. At the beginning of the book, I was cheering her on, "Way to tell it like it is! Right on!"

I'm not a prig. I used to swear constantly, but I stopped; it wasn't effective. I learned it's best to space out your profanity to punctuate important points, rather than float your entire message on a sea of f*cking sh*t, like Ms. Baker does.

Maybe reading the book is different, because a reader could skim past the bad words. I get that she's outraged, but listening to her swear through every paragraph of every topic was extremely tiresome.

The book would've been a third shorter, more succinct, appropriate for a wider audience; as well as a likely revolutionary read for a high school student, or cited in research if it were profanity-free.

I'm heavy myself, but unlike the protagonist, I still want to lose weight. I am NOT ok "loving myself"at this size, and I want to be healthy, to look nice in pretty clothes, and accomplish my days' wants and needs in a more comfortable manner. The author, at one point, says she weighs 300 lbs. I'm sorry....I just don't buy into the idea that anyone that large (ok, fat) can be fully happy with themselves and have no wish to change things.

There might be some great wisdom and insight in this book, but her very liberal peppering of F-bombs, mother-f@#$%^ and more really overshadowed any point she was trying to make. I read a few pages and when I noticed a definite trend, I flipped through and the whole book is like this. Personally, I will just seek out other books on this topic that do not rely on this language. I am not going to read any more of it.

I belong to an online weight-loss community and I see a LOT of obese women (and men) struggling every day after day to lose weight. These people have been redpilled about the very real medical and social consequences of obesity, and they don't buy the "fat but happy" trope. Chasing self-love is a futile pursuit. You gain self-esteem by doing estimable things, like meeting the challenges of losing weight and maintaining a healthy weight,and not giving up when they are discouraged. Ask anyone who has lost a lot of weight whether they would be happier, or feel better, at their old weight. You won't get many takers.
And the author has a gutter mouth. That is often the case with people who have low self-esteem.