I'll Be Dead, By The Time You Read This

Daelyn has suffered major psychological damage from years of being bullied. The torment and embarrassment she received because of her weight started her downhill slide into despair. She has lost her desire to live and failed at several attempts to end her life. Her latest failure has left her unable to talk and on 24-hour suicide watch. Her parents barely trust her to go to school.

Daelyn is biding her time. She only has 23 days until her Date of Determination. She discovers the Through the Light website by accident, but finds it to be a welcome change of pace compared to the other suicide websites and discussion boards she's visited in the past. Instead of preaching and warning her against her decision, the website provides rational and informational posts and discussions about ending her life.

BY THE TIME YOU READ THIS, I'LL BE DEAD is a powerful and heart-wrenching story of one girl as she makes the hardest decisions of her life. How will she end her life and what will she do with her last 23 days?

Daelyn thinks she has it all figured out until she meets a strange boy while she waits for her parents to pick her up after school. Santana is persistent when it comes to making friends with Daelyn, but with only 23 days to live does she really have time?

This is a short book at only 198 pages. It is easily a one-sitting read and well worth the time. The author, Julie Anne Peters, also includes a lot of factual information at the back of the book. There are 19 Discussion Questions as well as sections about Bullying, Suicide, Warning Signs, and Prevention Hot Line Information.

Your heart will break for Daelyn and the ending is thought-provoking.

Reviewed by: Karin Librarian

It is kind of difficult to review this one without touching on what happens at the end, so read at your own risk, I suppose?

I kind of have a thing for books with characters dealing with depression and other mental illnesses, since I have seen so many people go through similar situations. I am really glad to see the genre rising in popularity, written both well and not-so-well. It's amazing (and at the same time, sad) to see how an author can put themselves into that kind of mindset and come out with a great work of fiction. My point, I suppose, is that these books are what teens need, just as there's recently been an explosion of fiction featuring LGBTQ teens, teens have to know that there are others, even if they just exist in a book, dealing with similar issues, reassuring the readers that there is still hope. While Julie Anne Peters writes an incredibly touching story about a teenage girl struggling with extremely severe, debilitating depression, it's difficult to tell whether her story is one of hope. Reality, yes. Obviously, teens have dealt with and sometimes lost the battle to depression. Others have survived. So yes, the story's resolution is very realistic in its vagueness. And there's definitely the idea that not all books need to end happily. But the very first thing I wrote before even opening the book was the idea that I really wanted there to be a definite conclusion. I didn't want a cliffhanger ending, or an ambiguous ending. I wanted the girl to either die or survive. And I didn't get that. So I loved the narration. I loved the writing style. I wasn't a big fan of the romance novel interludes, but I still read through them. The ending just ticked me off though. I feel like the readers deserved to know what had happened.

Rating: 5/5 for writing, 3/5 for plot

Bullying is a national epidemic and adults don't always understand or see the signs that bullying is a problem for their children. No one wants to believe that their child is not "accepted" at school or they figure they went through the same thing and turned out okay so its no big deal. Unfortunately, kids who are bullied frequently keep the extent of the bullying hidden from the adults in their lives.

Books like By The Time You Read This, I'll Be Dead are a giant wake up call.

Daelyn Rice has never felt safe at school. For as long as she can remember kids have picked on her for being overweight. The older she got the worse things seemed to get and soon suicide seemed her only way out.

Through out the book we travel with Daelyn as she counts down the 23 days until her Day of Determination...the day she'll kill herself. Along the way she meets Santana a home-schooled boy about her age that lives near her school. She also meets Emily, a new girl who is chubby and teased...just like her. Both of them reach out to Daelyn just as shes shutting down emotionally.

This is such a good book and really, a story we should all read. Julie Anne Peters is a wonderful writer who has written a variety incredible books that deal with hot-topic issues that teens and young adults are dealing with.

Visit her website: [...].

Best suited for 8th grade and up

I was not expecting this, specially in such a short read. This book is so harsh. And raw. And wrong. And cruel. And depressing. And sick. Oh, and I loved, loved, loved it. Even though my stomach sometimes didn't. I had physical ache while reading, that's how amazing it was. Seriously, I believe every person alive should read it. If you dare to read something so heart-wrenching that will most likely stick with you. It leaves a great message.

The world is a freaking messed up place, no need to hide that. This may be a hard read, but only because it's so real that it hurts. The characters in the book were magnificent. The guy, Santana, I've never been so in love with a realistic-fiction character before. I wanted to tear him out of the book. He will steal your heart and keep it. The writing was good, felt awkward at times, but worked perfectly.

If you think you can take reading about bullying and suicide (Bullycide) you must go pick this up right now. If you read Hate List (Jennifer Brown) and liked it, I think you will find this one really interesting too.

Suicide is a serious issue and more people really should be aware of it - you never know who you might meet that is thinking about or has tried to attempt suicide. I think teens and parents both should read this. You'll get a basis of what a suicidal person thinks like.

Daelyn has attempted suicide several times. Her latest effort left her mute and in a neck brace. She counts down what she feels will be her final days and tells her terrible stories about being bullied because of her weight by using Through the Light, a website dedicated to those who wish to commit suicide. Then one day, while waiting for her mother to pick her up from school, she meets Santana, who seems to be interested in being her friend. Each day, Santana sits with Daelyn while she waits for her mother, but there's more to Santana than his humor and witty remarks.

This book goes to show you what repeated bulling can do to someone and I do recommend reading it. Although I enjoy the ending, others may not. You are left wondering what happens and it's up to your imagination to create an ending. By the Time You Read This, I'll Be Dead had so much truth to it. Daelyn's voice was captivating and her journey will suck you in.

Here there be some spoilers...

Okay, so By the Time You Read This, I'll Be Dead started out great. Daelyn was just an incredibly sympathetic character, and her plight with wanting to kill herself and reading about the bullying she suffered hurt my heart. And while it was hurting my heart, it also made it impossible for me to put down my Kindle because I wanted to keep reading this. Why, you ask (or maybe not)? Well, because Daelyn wants to kill herself. In fact, the whole premise of the book is about Daelyn's plan to kill herself because she really has made up her mind...and then she meets Santana and she becomes...not so sure.

Again, the whole premise of By the Time You Read This, I'll Be Dead is a sort of will she or wont's she thing in regards to suicide. While reading I started thinking about which ending I preferred. Did I want Daelyn to not go through with it or would that put a fairy-tale happy type ending on the a book that was consistently depressing? But then again, wouldn't having Daelyn kill herself make this book even more off the charts depressing? So, needless to say I was intrigued to see which way Julie Anne Peters would go.

Now, imagine my immense surprise when I read the last page of By the Time You Read This, I'll Be Dead and find, again to my total astonishment, we get nothing. Allow me to repeat: WE the READERS get NOTHING! We get a lack of ending. We get Daelyn making up her mind about something, but we don't know what that something is. Did she choose to kill herself after all, did she have second thoughts and decide not to go through with it? I don't know. You want to know why I don't know? Because the author decided to cop out. She decided that instead of picking an ending that would alienate half the readers, she would not pick an ending at all. And it sort of worked in that she didn't alienate half the readers...in fact, she alienated all of them (maybe not, but she alienated a big chunk of them).

Here's the thing: upon further reflection, I realized that I wouldn't have cared which ending Peters would have gone with. If she decided to have Daelyn kill herself, By the Time You Read This, I'll be Dead would have been a four star book. If she had decided to have Daelyn not commit suicide, By the TIme You Read This, I'll Be Dead would have STILL been a four star book. But since the author decided on a non-ending, this book becomes annoying and more than a little bit manipulative. Sorry, but I don't like being toyed with. So, alas, it gets two stars for a book with a promising start that should be finished.

Wow, Wow, Wow....When my high school daughter gave me this book to read for my Masters program presentation, I was a little taken aback by the the title. But I must say that I was thoroughly impressed and pleased. The topic of suicide and bullying is so prevalent in today's society and unfortunately many kids that are bullied see suicide as the only way to escape the horrors they face everyday. Julie does a great job of addressing this topic through the eyes of the abused. It is a great book for bullies, teachers, administrators, parents, and those that endure the bullying everyday. This book is extremely well-written and uses real adolescent dialog. I look forward to reading more books by this author. Kudos to Julie for tackling this issue in a responsible but real way!!

I was actually surprised to find how much I enjoyed this book. I have a habit of clicking on any book with an interesting cover, reading one positive review, requesting it from my library, and then reading all the negative reviews so that my expectations are good and lowered. So I was expecting to like it, but that it would just be another in the thick stack of books I go through every week.

It wasn't.

Daelyn's voice drew me in right away. Or rather, her lack of voice -- due to a previous suicide attempt, she has to wear a neck brace and her throat is too burned out for her to speak. Throughout the novel, her reaction to everything people say comes in short angry little thoughts that convey her character far more than any dialogue ever could. I simply love the way she tells her story, the simple and believable statements of feeling. Daelyn's voice is what really pulls this novel together for me: without that detail, she would have been a completely different character to me, and the story would have been something else entirely. Something not nearly as good.

And of course I loved Santana -- oh, Santana. A large number of negative reviewers have called him annoying, and I suppose he would be to some. But that just made him more endearing to me. Santana is dying too, because of something he can't control, and so I love that he has the bravery to go and do what he wants to do. He seems to me to be a wonderful example of a strong person. He is dying, and even though he's determined to fight his sickness every step of the way, he seems to have accepted the fact that it's going to happen and he's going to enjoy every last minute of his life, no matter what anybody else thinks of that. He's the perfect foil to Daelyn.

What else to say? I love the way the story is told, the chapters ticking downward toward Daelyn's day of death. I read this book in less than a day, and every time I looked at one of those numbers, a little lower each time, I could feel my chest constricting a little more. Each chapter also unveils more about Daelyn's life and why she is so determined to kill herself. She goes online and posts on the Final Forum, and each post reveals another layer of information about her bullying, fat camp, and the many sources of all her constant insecurities. I found myself gasping a little with each new detail.

Another thing I've seen people complaining about in the negative reviews is the ending, which is very ambiguous. This surprised me, as I though I had gotten a clear picture of what Daelyn was about to do, but now I realize that it was only my interpretation. Julie Ann Peters kind of leaves it up to the reader. And I, unlike the other reviewers, think this is perfect. I wasn't sure what Daelyn was going to do throughout most of the novel -- I'd read a review that made me think she had definitely killed herself, and yet there always seemed to be so much hope for her -- and the indecisiveness of the last page is like the last note of a song, stretching out and reverberating through the air even after the music is over. As far as I'm concerned, Daelyn's story is still going on.

And the truth is, most times with suicide victims it's impossible to tell beforehand what they were planning to do to themselves. It only seems fitting that we face this same uncertainty with Daelyn. It feel realer than any neatly-stated ending could.

The one thing I have a problem with is the cover of this book. It's too romanticized; Daelyn is shown as some kind of tragic heroine rather than the very real character she is. But I do know that authors have little control over their covers, and while it annoyed me, it didn't take away from my enjoyment of the story at all. And after all, it did get my attention enough that I would start reading. And that's something I'm very grateful I did.

The author is great at explaining to the readers how bullying affects so many people this book talks about ways of suicide but also talks about why this main character feels like she does I really like how when she met Santana he gave her purpose to hold on even when she was feeling hopeless the ending you have to figure out I feel she did find a way to live

Daelyn Rice can't be left alone. Following her most recent suicide attempt, her well-meaning parents have her on suicide watch. They follow her when she goes for walks, pick her up from school, and monitor her online computer use. Daelyn has found a way around them, though, with a website called Through-the-[...], which promises to evade detection by the kind of monitoring programs that her parents use. Through-the-Light also promises something else: to give users contemplating suicide a discussion forum, frank advice, and a countdown clock to their own date of death.

Daelyn is obsessed with suicide but just not sure which method will provide the best combination of minimal pain and maximum effectiveness. Her earlier attempts obviously didn't work --- she's still here, isn't she? --- so she needs a better way. Through-the-Light gives her plenty of material to work with.

As Daelyn counts down the days to her appointed "Date of Determination," she recalls the events that have led to her current state of despair and desperation. Daelyn, who is overweight, has been bullied her whole life, ranging from fat jokes to a sexual attack by a group of boys in a school bathroom. She has been physically and verbally abused at "fat camp," made the object of cruel pranks at school, and ignored or pitied by teachers and school administrators.

Just one thing is getting in the way of Daelyn's single-minded progress toward a successful suicide attempt: a boy named Santana. He's kind of a pain, engaging her in ridiculous conversation when all she wants to do is escape into the pages of the latest romance novel. He's also kind of weird --- he has a pet rat, for Pete's sake --- and extremely persistent. It turns out that Santana has a secret of his own, one that might change Daelyn's perspective on life --- and death.

Julie Anne Peters is not one to back away from painful or controversial topics. With BY THE TIME YOU READ THIS, I'LL BE DEAD, she confronts the very current issues of bullying and resultant suicide (sometimes called "bullycide") head-on. Her novel is a brutally honest, completely credible depiction of a girl at the end of her rope, who will do just about anything to escape her body, her pain, and her misery once and for all.

Although it comes with a brief afterword that lists resources and provides suggestions for combating bullying, the book itself offers few concrete answers to this epidemic; in fact, it is frankly critical of some peer "mediator" programs and other in-school initiatives. But that ambiguity and complexity --- illustrating a problem without feeding readers an easy answer --- is exactly what might enable it to make a real difference. By creating an artfully crafted, achingly true, painfully thought-provoking work of literature, Peters has given readers something real to consider.

BY THE TIME YOU READ THIS, I'LL BE DEAD should be required reading for those who have been bullied (who will know the truth in each of Daelyn's words) and for those who have been bullies (who might see for the first time the true consequences of their actions).

I was immediately enthralled by the cover of BY THE TIME YOU READ THIS, I'LL BE DEAD. It was a quick read at only 200 pages, yet it also was an uncomfortable read. I couldn't read it in one sitting because I wanted time to really analyze what I was reading. Julie Anne Peters does such a wonderful job diving into the head of teenager who feels hopeless. There were times I could feel Daelyn's pain jumping off of the pages at me. Daelyn is trapped in a life she cannot stand. She has tried numerous times to end her own life, and her resulting failures only add to her anguish that she shouldn't exist. The plot is centered on a message board that Daelyn stumbles across during an internet search. It turns out to be a message board of all individuals who are contemplating ending their own lives. Once she enters the website, she has only 23 days until the Date of Determination. Each chapter counts back as the days tick away.

I read this book trying to incorporate two points of view. I wanted to consider the impact of bullying on the receiver. The similarities to what Daelyn lived through--her own private hell during her primary years--was eerily similar to some of the teasing I can recall as a young student. For this reason alone, the novel feels real. She hears so many negative comments from her peers, mostly directed towards her weight that she begins to believe them to be true. However, I also wanted to read this book from the point of view of a parent/educator. What were the warning signs Daelyn gave for her deep depression? She was so isolated, she never made eye contact with anyone, and her self-esteem had plummeted. How could the influential adults in her life not notice she is once again contemplating her own death? For this reason, also, the novel felt real. Every day suicide occurs among young adults and there are typically warning signs gone unnoticed.

For this novel, I would want to know more about the reader. It gives numerous ways to end one's life, and even goes as far as to tell how painful the deed would be. On one hand, I wouldn't want to put this book into the hands of a student who feels similar to Daelyn, completely hopeless. However, there are several useful resources listed in the back for bullying and suicide that would be helpful knowledge for most young adults.

I do love the way the author tries to portray Daelyn as a stronger person towards the end of the novel. I was certainly left with questions lingering, which educators will love. There is room to be creative. The discussion questions at the end are also really helpful to dive into the novel and examine your own predefined notions. More importantly though it will allow anyone who has noticed bullying, been bullied, or is a bully see how devastating and detrimental that teasing someone can be.

You'll love Santanna and Emily. These characters were well developed by Peters. They become somewhat like guardian angels for Daelyn. But, more importantly, they give Daelyn back her self-worth.

The only negative things I can say about BY THE TIME YOU READ THIS, I'LL BE DEAD are:
* Each participant of the message board is assigned a Jane Doe user name; it can become confusing at times when the writers are changing'
* This novel also uses quite a bit of profanity, but does not allude to any sexual connotations.
* I didn't like the ending; I wanted to know more.

Need a fast read that breaks your heart? Well here it is. This book is about a girl who knows nothing about life other than being bullied and pushed around. She ends up trying to commit suicide and failing. After her failed attempt she meets a boy who is interested in her and she needs to figure out if she can trust him or not. Will this boy protect her from another attempt? Has she finally found a person she can trust? For fans of Ellen Hopkins and James Ashner.

Gripping, astoudingly powerful and gut wrenching. Despite how many suicide related books are out there, this one easily stands out. Peters has weaved together several unique elements, shining a very bright on Daelyn even in a world where she wants nothing more than to fade away.

Daelyn, for all intensive purposes, is mute. She has not been this way all her life but rather forced into it as a result of an unsuccessful suicide attempt- showing very vividly how easily many things can go wrong when the end isn't reached. Instead of being dead, she now wears a neck brace and her only means of communication is to write things down. This element alone makes this book stand out for me because her mind is fully intact and her personality easily comes through- her pain, her sarcasm, and her honest desire to no longer exist. When her parents try talking with her, it is acceptable for Daelyn to remain silent.

The website she discovers is another very unique aspect of this book- a meeting place for those wanting suicide and giving both an outlet as well as time to think things through. A Date of Determination is chosen- the day you will commit suicide but there is a certain amount of days that must occur before the DOD can be reached. Logically, anyone wanting suicide bad enough wouldn't worry what a website says but Daelyn follows it- the book focuses on those days counting down to her DOD.

Daelyn's character will break your heart. As the book progresses, the bullying and torment she's endured unfolds, showing how she came to be the girl with a few unsuccessful suicide attempts under her belt but determined for the next one to go off without a hitch. She knows her parents love her and she knows they will hurt but she also holds hope they will understand that no matter how much she does love them back, she hates living even more. Peters has written the suicidal mindset astoundingly well, thrusting the reader into that level of pain and hopelessness that could drive a person to taking their own life. Never once did I think Daelyn was being overdramatic- she wasn't even seeking attention. Daelyn stressed the point she didn't want to be remembered after she died and was thinking of those she'd be leaving behind, namely her parents, as she debated her chosen method of suicide.

This plot progresses very smoothly, telling both Daelyn's past as well as what is happening in the present. When she meets a boy- one that actually seems to take interest in her rather than wanting to torment her- minor hitches are thrown in her plans but Daelyn doesn't instantly decide to live just because of a boy. Peters continued to show her struggle and develop her character until the very end which was absolutely stunning and thought provoking. This type of novel tends to make the reader think and feel but Peters kicked even that up a few notches, guaranteeing this one to stay in their minds for several days.

I highly recommend this one as it is a very vivid trip into the world of the suicide and depression that comes from bullying, written beautifully. With strong characters, loving and devoted parents, and many other unique elements, this book stands out.

Daelyn feels like a broken person. Her latest failure has left her in a confining neck brace and unable to speak. She's under constant watch by her parents and school, but she is determined that next time she won't fail. Next time she will succeed in killing herself.

Santana is a young man that notices Daelyn as she waits for her ride home after school one day. He decides she needs a friend, and as much as she resists, he continues to try and get her to open up.

The story follows Daelyn as she plans her next attempt. We get to see inside her mind to whatmotivates her and what may hold her back. This may sound grim and depressing, but at the same time it is also very mind opening. We see how things we don't even think about can deeply affect the lives of others. The story was very real and the ending is very unexpected. I can't say how without giving too much away.

5/5

I personally loved every aspect of this book. It was heart wrenching and true in every way. It shows you the struggle that so many teenagers and other people go through day in and day out. Depression and suicide is no joke but it is often taken as one. I loved how it touched on the inside of someone who is going through the thoughts of suicide from inside their head.

After reading this I decided to name my first baby Santana. He really is the only charector in any book that has seriously stuck with me. This book was so raw and honest. At some points I could feel myself shaking in anticipation for what would come next. I got butterflies when I knew she was going to the bus stop. When I realized he was sick I thought I would have to stop reading. But I didn't and I'm glad I made it to the end. The last chapter made me cry tears of joy and pain and I'm glad I've been able to read this novel

Warning...this book is for mature young adults only! You experience everything that D goes through in her life, and it can be depressing. Bullying is real and hurtful. The victims are left to suffer from harsh words, and suicide is considered as a way out. Think before you say hurtful things...otherwise you will ruin someone. Bullying is a major problem in this world, and it needs to be stopped! Stand together, not against each other.

this was an interesting book. I liked the book overall, but I hated how the book just ended. It was a predicable ending but I wish it was elaborated more. I loved Santana and I wish that there could have been more scenes of them together.

This was very well written and I would love to read other books that this author has written.

The book is good, the writing makes you really think about how Daelyn is treated and how your words can effect others...but it doesn't end. I want to think she decided not to die...but it really could go either way.

My 7th grade teacher suggested this book to me after I was going through this sorta hard time in my life. I loved this book I loved the ending, I loved the slight romance aspect. I loved everything about this book. I didn't put it down till I was done!

I loved this book! I really felt myself diving deeper into this book as I read. Personally, I didn't like the ending only because I grew to care for the character so much and not knowing what happened to her is frustrating. But I'm sure that it was done on purpose so I accept that and will let my imagination finish the story.

I found this book rather triggering, I have been suicidal very recently, still am. This book is pro suicide and goes into much detail on ways to commit suicide that it only added to my large list of ways. I also struggle with self harm since I was 10, I am now 19, and really wanted to self harm as well as go through with my suicide plan. I am trying to work through my suicidalness.

Loved every single word of the book...until the last. Sometimes a cliff hanger is appropriate, but in a suicide book? with absolutely NO hints to if she ends it or not....nuh uh. do NOT waste your time, money, or energy.

As over coming suicidal thoughts, i could relate to her. I could relate to how she felt about every thing and her current situation. It really makes you think about the good and bad in life. Just a great book overall.

I read this book fairly quickly. The author has a very wonderful style, and a very worthy subject which saved it from being a complete write-off. There was simply no hope for the main character from the outset. She wasn't going to get better, and worse, she didn't want to get better.

When she started to feel, she stopped taking her pills. When her silly parents tried to reach out, she shut down. When she found a friend, she pushed him away. She wanted to be miserable. After everything that happens to her (told as back-story) she deserved to be depressed. What I hated, was that she was determined to stay that way. At one point the character even acknowledges the fact that she let bullies take away her power, and STILL she doesn't see anything wrong with what she plans. Daelyn HAS THE EPIPHANY, she finally gets it, the light comes on... and she is not interested enough to care. She is determined not to. I kept waiting through each page for this character to blossom, or at least become more than a surface character... but no, it was like watching Titanic.

This book earned one star because it left me with no hope. It gave the message that if someone wants to die, nothing you do can save them. Not 24 hour suicide watch, therapy, medication, friendship, or concerned parents, which are all things that this character had. And while this may be factually true, I think hope can be as real as despair.

WARNING WARNING WARNING: There is no real ending to this story. The author leaves you with that most infamous cop out: "What do you think happened next?"

I highly recommend you find a different book.