The Power of a Soft Warrior (True Woman) - Fierce Women

Good interpersonal advice for people with a tendency to be self-centered (aka most of us) for many relationships, not especially unique to marraige in approach but certainly applicable there. One feels for poor Leroy after awhile. The title is a bit of a misnomer: fierce doesn't imply self focused.

Good interpersonal advice for people with a tendency to be self-centered (aka most of us) for many relationships, not especially unique to marraige in approach but certainly applicable there. One feels for poor Leroy after awhile. The title is a bit of a misnomer: fierce doesn't imply self focused.

This book will now be my number one recommendation for new brides or engaged women!! It's message is so needed in today's culture. Even within the church biblical roles are so misunderstood. This book and the recommended resources at the end are fantastic tools for building families on gospel truth.

Very helpful and wonderfully honest - combining Biblical truth on the subject with the author's own marital experience and that of others. She doesn't pull any punches! Reading the book with a teachable spirit should help any woman who struggles with the balance between strength and gentleness; self-expression and learning to listen (both to the Lord and her husband). No "doormat" stereotype here, but learning how to have "beautiful vs ugly fierceness" and the beauty of the right kind of yieldedness.

What a powerful reminder of what we are called to be uniquely as daughters of God. We are not called to be weak or to be second rate. Yet we are given the amazing challenge of exemplifying Christ's humility and sacrifice in our everyday lives. We are called to be warriors but gentle warriors, in tune with the heart of God.

I agree with the reviewer who said "Women look to Christ, men look to your wives…". The personality traits she describes in this book could describe anyone male or female and the 5 responses one could receive from such behavior could apply to any gender and in any situation besides marriage. She does a great job with her theology but completely loses what the bible is actually saying when she starts making " to do lists" for women.
There is no freedom or grace in "to do' lists. Our man made "to do" lists are our own filthy works. Our job is to look to Christ and He will give us our assignments. The "to do" list she proposes leaves a women a doormat, which she says her book is supposed to be liberating us from.
You cannot manipulate a man to Christ. There is no formula to Christ' work!!! We are not responsible for others behaviors. We are responsible for our own!!! Our focus should only be on Christ and our own relationship with Him. Otherwise we make our spouse God and ourselves God!
Her views on sex are totally unhealthy. She gets it right to say it is a symbol of our relationship with God and an act of worship, but she loses that picture in a" to do" list that leads to "duty" sex instead of true intimacy. True intimacy comes from being connected emotionally through Christ and the rest follows. Anything else is empty. There is no true intimacy or healing in keeping a sexual "to do" list and it can actually lead a marriage away from Christ.
Unfortunately, this book is the same as many Christian marriage books. Spattered with enough truth to make it look good and then there's that one simple twist that takes our eyes off Christ and onto our own filthy works with a bunch of "to do" lists.
I appreciate the author being honest about the issues God revealed in her own life and the changes she needed to make. Bravo for that. And I am truly happy that her marriage is thriving now.But we have to remember that each has his own journey and there is no formula. We may have the same issues or experience the same things but Christ takes us through those things individually and each persons journey will be different because we are individuals with individual relationships with Christ. That is true beauty!
If you want true biblical counseling, check out Michael Well's materials from Abiding Life ministries. It's very simple. Take our eyes off of Christ, everything goes South.

I review a lot of religious books and Bible studies. Its one of my favorite types of books to review. And I've read some ones that were just "OK" and some that were INCREDIBLE. "Fierce Women: The Power of a Soft Warrior," by Kimberly Wagner definitely fits into that second category.

So what are my ideas for an INCREDIBLE Bible study book? Well, it has to be interesting and not "dry." Some books are very instructive, but so difficult to read without falling asleep. "Fierce Women" is not one of those books! Mrs. Wagner is painfully honest and open about her past failures as a wife. I found that utterly refreshing. Its always encouraging to hear a great woman of God say that they have also failed - just like me. It gives me hope for change! Mrs. Wagner also shared some stories of women she had counseled. These stories were also filled with hope for the reader. If these women could overcome their sin, then so can we!
Another requirement for an incredible Bible study book is its teaching ability. Some books seem to just regurgitate the same biblical information that we've heard over and over. Its hard to see a book like that to the end because you feel like you heard it all before. Mrs. Wagner's book is wonderfully different! She lets the reader in on what she has gleaned from several biblical passages and I felt myself learning new things as I read each chapter!
Finally, to me, an incredible Bible study book is one that you think about closing because it "hits too close to home." If you've had that experience, then you know exactly what I mean. When you're reading a Bible passage or a Bible study and you feel such deep conviction that you just want to slam the book shut and throw it in the trash. Well, I had several of those moments while reading "Fierce Women." I thought quite a few times about just moving on to my next review book. But I couldn't. And I'm so glad I stuck with it to the end. If you'd like to read a book that will help you develop into the kind of wife God wants you to be, give this one a try!

I'd like to end this review with a wonderful quote from the end of the book:
"Your purpose - the reason you were created - is to glorify God. Within the marriage model, you are representing the church in submission to Christ. Today - now - your marriage is to serve as a beautiful reflection to the world of the ultimate love relationship, that sacred marriage of the church and the Lamb. The choices you make on a daily basis - walking in humility, honoring your husband's position, gently motivating his spiritual hunger, affirming his masculinity, appreciating him as your husband - these choices are making up the bride's apparel.
What does your marriage look like to the watching world? To your children? Your friends? Are others drawn to Christ by seeing His power displayed in your marriage relationship?
Is the gospel message flowing through your marriage and touching others in life-changing ways?"
I received a copy of this book, free of charge, from MPNewsroom, in exchange for my honest review.

"Beautifully Fierce." Isn't that a phrase you would like to describe you?
It speaks of a woman who follows Christ passionately and has no fear holding her back.
It speaks of a woman who will pursue the Kingdom of God boldly and fight for the faith as a warrioress.
It speaks of a woman consumed in God's Cause, giving herself up for Him with no reservations.
Fierce is a good characteristic.
However, the word fierce has other conotations too.
Fierce can quickly turn into arrogant and demanding, prideful and painful to live with.
Fierce can either cause you to give without thought for yourself or to overwhelm others to get your own way.
Kimberly Wagner writes about both manifestations of fierceness in this book- the one that hurts and the one that serves.
It is very easy to hurt with our fierceness, it is hard to let Grace temper us into soft warriors.

This book convicts, and never condemns. Kimberly has walked this road. She has been transformed by Christ and now longs for every fierce woman to become a soft warrior, whose fierceness is refined by Grace, Repentance, Gratitude and Love.

Though this book looks primarily at the way misplaced fierceness tears apart a marriage, this book is essential reading for every woman.

The attitudes and habits that demean a husband don't appear (or disappear) when you walk down the aisle. They have been present in our hearts from Eve on, when good things became tainted by sin. Fierceness might be used to belittle or malign a husband, instead of to further his vision and encourage him.
The joyful, fascinating thing is, fierceness is not the problem.
Woman who fiercely loyal and fiercely loving toward Christ will set the world on fire for the Gospel.
A woman who is fiercely honoring to her husband and fiercely supportive of him will make a strong home. Fierceness is not bad! It doesn't need to be removed! Fierceness can glorify God!

The Fierce Woman can become a Soft Warrior.

Growing up in church I was taught the importance of being meek and mild. The verse in First Peter where women should have a gentle and quiet spirit was impressed on me. I wasn't the most lady-like girl in the youth group and I always thought I was failing to live up to what God expected from me. So when I saw that Moody Publishers published Fierce Women: The Power of a Soft Warrior by Kimberly Wagner for review, I couldn't wait to read it.

The author believes that God has instilled a fierceness within every woman. I have always been a go-getter and this really interested me -- what if my personality isn't something to always squelch but to embrace as God-given? The thought really intrigued me.

Yet, this was a book much about marriage. I'm not married, but I am dating a wonderful man. Learning about what works and doesn't work in marriage is something that I find helpful at this stage because I feel like what I learn now is preparation. Sort of like studying for an exam. Yet, even with this being a book about marriage, I still gleaned a lot of wisdom from this volume especially since I wanted to see how to be godly and fierce at the same time.

I loved the list of how humility affects a fierce woman. I think the defining one for me is she's a soft warrior. Not harsh. She gets the job done in her own kind way. Other advice she gives through the book is to watch how we give advice to men (I'm learning that already. I might be excited about a completed project and rattle on about that, but instead of it sounding like I'm just looking forward to completion, it might be interpreted differently by a man.) I also loved how she described how the marriage relationship parallels Christ and the Church. This is something I think hasn't been taught on enough in Christianity.

My one complaint about this book is I felt she went on too much about why homosexuality is wrong. My opinion is if someone is reading a Christian women's book on marriage and how to relate to the man they are married to,they are going to be in a hetrosexual union. I feel those sections could have been left out entirely, or just mentioned briefly if the author so chose -- or even better those sections filled with relevant advice or a story of hope for the target audience.

I recommend this to any Christian woman who is married and wants to learn how to use her fierce personality for good -- or wants to learn how to be fierce when needed!

FTC disclaimer: I received a free copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for a fair and honest review. All opinions are my own.

By Kimberly Wagner

The Power of a Soft Warrior is the subtitle of this book and it is right on. She gently challenges women to do what they can to create a peaceful atmosphere in their home and heart allowing the husband to focus on his walk with the Lord and lead his home without conflict or unnecessary emotional obstacles. (If you are offended..you know it's true..lol)

I felt a bit coddled and then again pushed forward at the same time. I always find it amazing when I feel like an author is "reading my mail" through a book. I want to be beautifully fierce, some people say I already am (fierce that is) but honing in on how to be righteously fierce, now that is a whole other story. Every day I read this book I had a nice chat with Kimberly and God joined us! She touches on so many topics that bring reality to your thoughts, hopes, dreams and disappointments, clarifying your mind and heart to not dwell on preoccupations that are stealing your time and distracting you from where you are supposed to be on the way to where you are going. Pride, fear, loosening the grip of things we are holding on to, being appreciative, and working on those unfulfilled dreams are just hitting the surface of where she goes.

Kimberly Wagner if you read this, thank you for pursuing the righteous walk that will break down doors, bring walls crashing down, and free an innumerable amount of women!

Disclaimer: I received this book for free from Moody Publishers, in lieu of giving my opinion in this book review.

Wagner writes a poignant narrative with raw, powerful emotion that will resonate with women with a "fierce" personality. God softened her heart and opened her eyes to her own flaws enabling her a complete transformation so powerful that it changed the course of her marriage. She is brave in sharing her shortcomings so openly in a way that will touch you deeply and inspire you to change.

I will admit that I have a strong personality that can rub people the wrong way. Over the past couple years God has softened my heart, which brought forth change but it's still a constant inner power struggle. I married a man who didn't allow me to walk all over him and manipulate him which helped me to let go of the need to be in control. I don't think it was as extreme as Wagner describes but I could certainly relate to everything she wrote and learn from her.

It takes strength to admit weakness and God broke Wagner at a time that her heart was ready. While her husband didn't immediately accept her change of heart, her ensuing actions proved her sincerity and willingness to become the wife God intended her to be which in turn gave him the opportunity to be the Spiritual leader God designed man to be.

This is an inspiring story of true change and transformation that proves that the old adage that people can't change is entirely inaccurate. Restoration and new beginnings in marriage are possible as the Wagner's learned at a time it seemed they were doomed to a marriage of misery. Prepare to be moved and stimulated to action to make the adjustments to live out your role as husband or wife God created us to be.

This would make a great Christmas gift, not just for a "fierce" woman, but for anyone who believes in the power of prayer, grace and new beginnings.

Kimberly Wagner's book Fierce Women is a challenging and inspiring book that every woman should read not only to better themselves but their relationship with their husbands and the Lord as well. Kimberly addresses the "fierceness" that is within women and how we can use our strength as "an asset or a detriment in marriage".
One of the things I appreciated about Fierce Women is that every chapter is grounded in scripture. Kimberly is not spouting off her own wisdom, but allowing the power of God's word to challenge her readers.
"Strong women are His idea" says Kimberly, as she gives countless Biblical examples of fierce women including Eve, and the Gentile woman with the demon possessed daughter.

Kimberly also shares her own stories of how she failed in her marriage to be a fierce woman who built up her husband and instead greatly intimidated him until he stopped trying to be a godly husband! Her own experiences make the lessons she shares much more real and applicable. She shares of the misery her marriage was when she was trying to fix and control her husband and the joy that followed when she surrendered her desires and agendas to Christ and used her "fierceness" to build up her husband rather than criticize and belittle him.

Fierce Women helped me realize the influence I have as a woman and inspired me to use it wisely to build up my marriage, family, and society as a whole. I definitely recommend this book for any woman who is looking to be challenged and inspired!

Wagner approaches womanhood from the standpoint that women are strong; they were created by God to have a fierceness. After the curse, women are prone to exhibiting this fierceness in ways that are sinful. The entire premise of the book is to talk about how to harness this fierceness in a way that will honor God and support our husbands.

Whether or not you realize it, you are in a battle, and God has placed strengths within you to be used in powerful ways. When you enter the marriage relationship, you are entering the sacred metaphor God designed to explain Himself to a watching world. Marriage is the great mystery, the glorious platform God created to display His love relationship with His bride. This is why marriage is a flashpoint for Satan's attacks; he sees to destroy the beauty and effectiveness of God's model. - pp. 10-11

When we first saw the title of this book, we weren't quite sure what to expect. The images that come to mind with the word "fierce" are not too pretty. As I read through Fierce Women, I realized that "fierce" has many facets. A godly woman should fiercely (or determinedly) embrace God's will for her life. She should follow His plans and desires passionately. She should fight to resist the distractions of life and fight to keep her marriage the #1 human relationship in her life.

In this book, Wagner describes the dangers of a fierce woman who seeks to dominate her husband. She talks about the signs of a dominating, fierce woman; too often women can dominate fiercely without realizing it. (Remember the curse after Eve ate the forbidden fruit?)

After describing the characteristics of a sinfully, fierce woman, Wagner talks about how to harness the power, strength, and fierceness of womanhood to glorify God in marriage.

Perhaps you are thinking that this book isn't for you; that you aren't a fierce woman. You don't have a tendency to dominate or belittle your husband. That is precisely what I thought when I picked up this book! But as I read Kimberly's testimony and words of wisdom, God showed me some "little" ways I tend to be a destructive, fierce woman. And it renewed my desire to pursue God's best for my marriage passionately.

I've just finished reading Fierce Women: The Power of a Soft Warrior by Kimberly Wagner. I wasn't sure what to expect, but the title intrigued me.

What I found was a very challenging book. From my perspective it was hugely about integrity and allowing God to shape how you express your inner strengths, particularly in the marriage relationship.

Fierce Women would be great for personal study or small discussion groups. There are truckloads (and I mean truckloads) of very challenging questions and you get a bird's eye view of the author's personal struggle in this area. I found her story to be very encouraging and insightful. It's easier to see your own sin (and own up to it) when it is modeled by someone else and, honestly, her transparency is refreshing. Her ability to cut right down to the truth is amazing (if not sometimes painful).

This book is going on my "read yearly" pile.

This book is biblically sound in the use of verses and the author makes many good points. However, she puts most of the responsibility for a man's fearfullness and lack of leadership in the home on the wife. She points out that a woman should get all her fulfillment from Christ (which is true) and not pressure her husband so much to fulfill her needs (also true). However, shouldn't a man get all his validation and acceptance from Christ and not look to his wife for these things?

This book pretty much states that if women would just change the way they relate to their husbands, the men would be less fearful and rise up to be leaders, confident, and protective. A Christian man should step into the leadership role no matter how his wife acts towards him. It's called leadership and is a command from God's Word.

This book calls women to talk and act nicer to their men and then somehow their fearful, effeminant, wimpy men will morph into confident, protective Christian leaders. I say to the men, "Look to Christ, he is the standard. He is the example. If you are not leading in your home then you are not following Christ or his Word. You will be held accountable by God and you will continue to have strife in your home!"

Fierce Women is one of the most honest, refreshing, and engaging books I've ever read on the marriage relationship when it comes to how wives relate to their husbands. Within our inherited sin nature and living in a culture where women have the tendency to dominate, manipulate, and take charge over men, I appreciate that author Kimberly Wagner has unashamedly called out this kind of behavior, or shall we say heart issue, as sin.

Not only that, Kimberly shares her personal stories and struggles of how her own behavior and treatment of her husband almost led to the destruction of her marriage. She gives women hope that they can change too. But rest assured, this is not a self-help book designed to repair marital problems.

Kimberly makes it clear that real change didn't occur until she realized that what she calls her "emasculation" of her husband was tied to God's glory. God opened her eyes and helped her see how damaging her selfishness was to their oneness. Humility, grace, and dying to self is what led to the restoration of her marriage.

Every woman has a type of fierceness within her and God desires to use that fierceness for good. Kimberly describes a "soft warrior" as a woman who uses her fierce strengths to encourage and inspire her husband toward greatness. A soft warrior trusts in her husband's leadership, doesn't try to "fix" him, accepts, admires, appreciates, affirms, and prays for him. She allows him to take the lead because that is his God-given role.

What is at stake if we fail to use our fierceness for God's glory? Kimberly reminds us that "God designed the most intimate of all earthly relationships to serve as a real-life parable to depict his commitment to his bride. Marriage is God's platform that displays to the watching world a physical picture of a spiritual reality."

Fierce Women spoke volumes to me personally because I am a fierce, strong-willed woman myself (just ask my husband!) and I have seen the "bad side" fleshed out in my marriage. I felt like I was seeing myself all over the pages. I was so encouraged that my fierceness can actually be a beautiful thing God can use if I am willing to surrender.

You will want to get your hands on this book as soon as you can. There is so much more to the book that can't fit into this review.

I cannot say enough good things about this book. I loved every chapter. Every page was filled with God's glorious truth. I highlighted and underlined quotes all over the book. I fully plan on pulling out this book as a resource for later on in our marriage when I need Biblical advice. It's so full of godly wisdom wrought from years of Kimberly Wagner's own experience and experiences of other women. I love this book so much because it's not "wishy washy." It doesn't cower to the culture. Instead, this book is full of truth that is founded on Christ and His unchanging Word. It's bold and it's challenging, even for a newlywed like me. I love that this book is a radical call to Biblical womanhood. It's a call to lay down ourselves for Christ and for the sake of the gospel. It's a call to be strong and courageous and to fight passionately for our marriages, that God alone might be glorified. It's a rare treasure in our world today.

I believe this book to be invaluable to any married woman, and I can't wait to give this book as a gift to another wife! I believe that God use His truth in this book to make us wives more like Him. I believe He will use the truths in this book to take our destructive fierceness and mold us into humble warriors who build up, encourage, and empower our husbands for the sake of Christ's kingdom. I hope and pray that God will use Kimberly Wagner's book to begin to transform marriages into the beautiful pictures of the gospel that they were meant to be. If you want to be challenged to grow as a woman of God, to fight passionately for your marriage, to lay down yourself for the sake of Christ, then I encourage you to pick up this book. The Lord will use His truth in it to teach, rebuke (lovingly), and encourage you. I can assure you that you will not regret it.

(I was asked by Moody Publishers to do a review in exchange for a copy of the book, but all opinions are completely my own).

Incredible book. May not be very palatable to modern women, but shje nails how discouraging and destructive the personality becomes to the men in the woman's life. Cycle of control/retreaty/discouragement/more nagging and control.

Overview/Summary

Fierce Women encourages women who are naturally assertive to embrace that part of their natures. It presents assertiveness as an expression of God's design and suggests that women can learn to use this quality as a way of encouraging others and strengthening relationships. The book focuses on marriage, and the main dynamic is that of husband and wife, but Wagner's advice could apply to any relationship. It has a complimentarianist slant, so its effectiveness will probably depend on the reader's theology.

My Thoughts

Kimberly Wagner's journey is a lot like mine. I am a direct, take-charge person, and I have to work hard to keep a balance between being assertive and being controlling her bossy. I agree with the author that natural "fierceness" can be a double-edged sword, and I've made a lot of the same mistakes that she has. I work at the same things she does in terms of trying to align my behavior with God and let him show me how to encourage others instead of trying to control situations.

The book is part memoir and part self-help curriculum. There are parts I found helpful, such as behavior breakdowns and list of questions to ask yourself before enaging in an argument or getting upset. I have to do this all the time, and it's helpful to know that I'm not the only one. Unfortunately, the book loses me with lots of churchy language, emphasis on gender roles, and it seems to argue that every problem can be traced back to self-centered or controlling behavior on the part of the woman -- whose job it is to learn to recognize and change those behaviors.

Overall

I tried hard to like this book. I really wanted to be able to recommend it. There just aren't many mainstream Christian writers who are willing to say that assertiveness is a positive trait for women to have, especially in a marriage. I can't recommend it though. If the best a woman can hope for in the church is to be an "inspiration" to men and bear the entire responsibility for her husband's behavior, there's a serious problem.

Disclaimer: I received a free copy of this book for Moody Publishers in exchange for my honest review

He swept you off your feet.

Your courtship was amazing.

He proposed and your wedding day went off without a hitch.

....and then came marriage.

Who knew living as two fierce human beings could be so hard? Dying to self daily and loving fiercely, the way Jesus calls us to, is hard!

Ask my husband and he'll tell you that the Lord gave me a quiet, but fierce spirit. When things don't go my way or I'm passionate about an issue, I'm not afraid to let anyone, including him, stand in my way. And, I can admit, my fierceness has encouraged a few senseless battles in the five years that we've been married.

"You see, I thought my job (the "helper" role) was God's way of using me to help my husband improve. I could "help him" with his grammar, correct his awkward clothing choices, or instruct him on the proper way to hang his bath towel. With "helping him improve" as my job description, I became his worst nightmare...criticizing where he parked the car, decisions he made in the home, pointing out how he could've made a better choice. And with my fierce determination to do my "job" well, he retreated into his own silent world. He clung to passivity as the only safe solution."
- Kimberly Wagner

In Kimberly Wagner's book, Fierce Women, she tackles the art of loving our husbands fiercely through Godly counsel, wisdom from the word, and prayer.

I read through Kimberly's book a few chapter's at a time and every time I set the book down, I wanted to love my husband better. I wanted to be the wife that the Lord has called me to be. I wanted to bring honor and glory to Him, through my fierce, God-honoring love.

I've known, for a long time, that I could love better; I just never had a practical resource to do so, aside from the word. I will be hanging onto this book forever. Filled with God's truth and the honesty of a woman who's not afraid to share her journey in order to impact other women's lives and marriages, Fierce Women hits the nail on the head.

"I realized I was guilty of presenting a faulty view of the love relationship between Christ and the church. I was guilty of marring this beautiful picture by my destructive behavior. I had to change how I treated my husband for the sake of the Gospel. For the sake of God's glory."
-Kimberly Wagner

If you're a women and a wife, this book is a must read! I promise you will love better, love deeper, love fiercely; in a God honoring and glorifying way!

"Surely you've struggled with a desire to control, as I have. We don't want to emasculate our men, but we do. We don't want to live as the destructive fierce woman, but we do. But the good new is: There is victory!
Because of Christ's redemptive work on the cross, because grace flows when we humble ourselves and cry out to Him for help - we can give and receive love the way were created to experience. You, who are restless and weary of heart, find heart's rest here. Christ offers true love to you. You may never have known or even imagined a love of this proportion. We, who are helpless, can find our need fully met in this Man.
You may be longing for love, wondering through a wilderness of pain and isolation, I assure you - no love relationship can compare to the one He offers. The pursuit of love must begin here. Our first experience of true love originates at the cross."
-Kimberly Wagner

Christie
[...]

In this book, Kimberly reveals how God created women with a special inner strength and ability to influence, inspire and encourage our husbands towards all God created them to be.

In the book, Kimberly shares how her "fierceness" became a source of conflict early on in her marriage because she was using it for her own selfish gain, but thankfully God intervened and showed her how to use it for His glory! This book gives insight on how to encourage and inspire our men to be the spiritual leaders that God wants them to be!

Since reading this book I've definitely been more aware of how I treat my husband and especially how I talk to him. I've kept my mouth shut more than once in the last few weeks because of this book and I'm grateful for it!

It was one of the most enlightening things that I have come across in my life thus far! My heart has been opened in so many ways and I know the rest of my life and relationships in my life will be better because of this book.

This book is phenomenal. As a Christian wife and a leader in my career field, I have struggled with the concept of submission. This book makes it clear. My power is God given, and necessary in my marriage. It just needs to be properly harnessed.