The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls - Odd Girl Out

Odd Girl Out is an extremely thorough treatise on girls using relationship as a weapon against other girls and the lasting impact it can have on them. The author not only interviews numerous girls (3rd - 8th grade students), but also tells the stories of many women who experienced the painful situation of being a victim from a former best friend. The author is able to vividly capture the pain that resulted in many women stating years later that they trust men more than women because women can be so devious in their personal interactions.
The author's purpose is not only to make the reader aware of the problem, but also point out that this is a very harmful type of bullying that is usually ignored or simply overlooked by teachers. The author even comes up with suggestions on ways that teachers and parents can recognize the problem and what are the best solutions. The only reason I did not give 5 stars was that there were so many stories included that the book became tedious at times.

In ODD GIRL OUT Rachel Simmons provides a good beginning of the examination of girl bullying. This book is long overdue as this type of bullying can often be more detrimental and hurtful than punches thrown in the playground by boys. Simmons' application of the concept of relational aggression is intriguing. There are indeed gender differences in bullying. Girl bullying is often hard to perceive from the outside and thus is difficult for schools and parents to identify and [hopefully] intervene. Most women have hurtful tales from childhood of being suddenly excluded from a group of friends or having rumors and gossip about them told behind their back. In Simmons' research she extracts tales from both her own personal history of bullying along with her original research to elaborate on her theory of relational aggression. The reader can certainly feel the pain of these girls as they recount their tales of female bullying. The deep scars often run into childhood. I, myself, have related back to my childhood to review my own experiences with female bullying while reading ODD GIRL OUT.
But as I have stated above, ODD GIRL OUT provides a good beginning. While reading this book I couldn't help but say, "I agree, but what about this?" Her theory of relational aggression is good but there were many instances when her analysis fell short. Her reliance on qualitative data did not allow for a more abstract view of this phenomenon. I am interested in how prevalent female bullying is in schools? Do boys bully more than girls and why or why not? Also, I believe Simmons' concept of female bullying can be applied to women in adulthood. Simply substitute the classroom for the workplace and this phenomenon continues to thrive in women. At work I have witnessed acts of relational aggression in women. It's sad but true.
Relations between girls and women are very complex and Simmons did a good job of exposing one piece of the pie. I applaud her efforts in exposing female bullying and all its negative consequences. Simmons alluded to her groundbreaking effort of exposure by stating that her intent is "to begin the process of naming and understanding [girl bullying]" (p. 231). There is no doubt that this book will help many girls and women in their own experiences and that alone makes reading this book highly worthwhile. My only wish is that other researchers will follow up on Simmons' research in the near future. This topic is so important that it deserves more attention from parents, educators, girls, and anyone concerned with the well being of girls.

I can empathize with another reviewer's position that this book offered no solutions to the victim. There is some of the typical "honor your feelings (while getting abused)" wording. But I encourage you to read the book a second time. There is a lot to digest and a lot of shock. On a second pass, you will probably glean some ideas. The passages on other, i.e. non-white, cultures which don't follow the code of silence are particularly interesting. There are girls who are capable of getting relational conflict into the open and getting over it. There are girls who have a mandate not to "stay hit". Physical confrontation, which is outright offered as a final solution at the end of the book, may be what is needed. Contrary to the author, I do not believe that relational aggressors are good girls who do bad things. We are defined by our actions. So maybe physical confrontation, or the willingness to partake, is what is needed to stop girls who have decided to be bad. Regardless, give this book a chance. It has information that can be applied - even if indirectly.

There are two main starting points here about how young women deal with conflict: (1) It is socially unacceptable for them to act out aggressively, and (2) girls (different from boys) typically fear social isolation above all else. Put these two together and girls will almost certainly trip up trying to navigate the contradictory scenarios they encounter. As long as young women aren't given a proper environment to create healthy friendships, the result will be a near-invisible struggle for power and bullying. Author Rachel Simmons makes her point early in the book and then proceeds through case study after case study which, while intriguing, only slightly adds to her thesis. The book feels overlong because of this.

This hidden culture of aggression is real and very damaging though I still think the line between bullying and normal youth socializing is unclear.

Most girls can identify with some aspect of this book, and many at multiple points in their lives. Sadly, this kind of behavior can continue through adulthood, and this is the most painful thing. At age 27 I was shunned by a group of friends--by being angry at one friend, she dug up things from 5 years ago instead of admitting she was wrong, and the others acted in 1984 fashion by pretending I never existed. This made me wonder why all my life I'd been so big on having female friends. I wanted to underline parts of this book and leave it on the doorstep of former friends.

She does repeat herself many, many times. Several different points are repeated, but mainly "girls are supposed to always be nice" is said in probably each chapter. Maybe girls are supposed to be nice to their friends, but when someone has been determined as having no status, girls have no problem being explicitly rude to the outcast's face. She also wrote a few sentences about how impossible it is to live as a girl with these demands and it was inevitable to collapse. I didn't feel like it was absolutely impossible to live, and frankly I don't think that many people care too much about what females are "supposed" to be like because they recognize that it is sexism to have uniform expectations of one gender.

My major criticism is in her chapter "Resistance", about how urban girls are missing this "be nice" complex. There are good points to this, but she comes off as idealizing some things that are not much better. There are descriptions of quiet or nonviolent people being disrespected, and bullied kids who come home and then get beat by their parents for "letting themselves" be bullied--which is about like punishing a rape victim for "provoking" it. Also, it's not like theses type of girls only act in self defense. I hated them the most in high school b/c they were openly rude and hostile to people for no good reason, and were always getting into fights and cursing people out for no good reason. She describes the "popular" lifestyle as being devoid of personality b/c the girls inside it were so busy maintaining their status, but the "not nice" girls were equally devoid of personality b/c they were so busy showing that no one could "mess with" them. Basically, they were about the same as male bullies. Whatever she says about alternative aggression, overt bullying certainly isn't better.

There are a few exercises where she describes "nice" characteristics and "not nice" characteristics (for instance in the professional setting), of course treating the former as if they were bad and the latter as admirable. But it is not a terrible thing to be "understanding", "open to other views", etc, and although it's human to be selfish or insecure, it's not something to strive for and often isn't a good quality to have in a supervisor. She complains that women don't get as far in the business world b/c of their "nice" complex, which comes back to wanting to preserve relationships. Well, maybe some women place more value on their relationships than their careers--after all, devotion to a corporation is one of the most unrequited loyalties in the world. There are also men who are not close to their wives and barely know their children and have few friends b/c they are so busy with their careers. It is very difficult to fully excel in career and have rewarding relationships, so usually a person is oriented one way or the other.

She rails against alternative aggression, but doesn't really have a solution. She seems to think that people should talk over every minor point of negativity, but there is such a thing as deciding what is important enough to talk about and what annoyances are part of life, part of the friend's personality, etc, and are more trouble than they're worth to talk about--because perfection in relationships is also damaging. Also, most of the time when females have an honest, talk-it-over session with each other, they usually end up resenting each other for what they say, and even more conflict arises. I still have female friends but I now prefer to simply keep them at a healthy distance.

What is the solution? I think that maybe if alternative aggression goes away, something even more covert will take its place. In the olden days, children and adolescents dealt with war and disease and child labor. In earlier generations, it was just bullying and maybe physical punishment from parents. Now the things that upset people are more related to self-actualization and belonging than to physical needs. I think as the really terrible things disappear, people are traumatized by lesser, more subtle things.

While Ms. Simmons says, "There is a hidden culture of girls' aggression in which bullying is epidemic, distinctive, and destructive," I must say that this is not new - as epidemic implies.
Girl bullying has been around as long as the industrial age has been around. And I believe that this continues throughout women's lives, if they continue to place societal and mother/daughter expectations before listening to their inner selves.

Girls and women put such a high price on their self-esteem, based upon pleasing their friends, that often, if they were to slow down, and truly think about what a friendship freely gives: A commitment to tell the other what you think, judge, feel, value, love, honor, hate, fear, desire, hope for, believe in, and are committed to - without reprisal, they would see that they have spent their lives making soul bribes, based upon unspoken rules about disowning yourselves.
Another interesting point is that girls and women often say that guys don't have true friends, because many guys based their friendships upon whether or not they do some activity, such as play golf together, from time to time. The complaint comes from the fact that these guys don't get into one another's psyche. And many wouldn't know if the other is having marital problems.
Women and girls spend so much time pushing boys and mean to process their emotions and say what they mean, when in fact, if we were to look at how females act amongst one another, without the boys around, we would have to admit that most women and girls spend an incredible amount of time walking on egg shells around one another. Yes. There is a great deal of bounding that goes on. But, when their is a problem, do we talk about it to the point that we fully process it, int the presence of our friends? Or, do we minimize it, and change the subject, choking off our feelings, because we decide that we want too much?
By 8 years old, we are socialized into the identity of disowning our authentic selves. And with this bargain, we set ourselves and future generations of girls up for self-destructive behavior.
When it comes down to it, girls and women, or anyone who is willing to: give others the silent treatment; exclude others, without a discussion of why; give mean looks; gossip; or, gang up on a girl, can we say that we are any better off?
I am so glad that there are books like this book. And I hope that mothers and daughters will read this together - followed by ongoing dialogues, and meeting with other mothers and daughters.
Imagine a world where girls and women no longer worry about what one another thinks. Imagine the possibility of girls and women being able to say to one another, "I feel angry when someone does ... I would prefer that you ..."
This takes practice, and acceptance of all that could happen. But I say that once we are willing to talk about this, and truly commit to being visible about what we have experienced, and the impact that this has had on us, we will rock this world!

I liked the book and think her ideas are important but I find that I must agree with some of the other posters and say that she included way too many case studies and and I was disappointed to find that she spent too little time on solutions to the problems she addresses. It would have been great to read some success stories based on the advice she gives at the end of the book.
I think the author also forgets that there usually is some middle ground in female hierarchies. Unless things have radically changed since I was in school, there usually is a group of girls in any given class that aren't swayed much by the popular crowd. Yes, they might not make the popular groups "cut" but they aren't shunned either. And even if these girls made the "cut" they don't like the popular group and don't want to be a part of it anyway. When you read "Odd Girl Out" you get the feeling that girls are either fated to be popular or outcasts. For most women, I think our friendships are a patchwork quilt that contains both loyal and enduring friendships along with episodes of betrayal in our less successful friendships.
That said....I would recommend this book to anyone I know raising daughters. I don't understand why feminist groups would deny these undercurrents in female behavior. Any woman knows that they exsist and endure throughout our lives. I've seen some junior high antics prevail amongst supposed professionals in the workplace. I can't wait to see someone write "Odd Women Out".

My perspective is shaped by being a male middle school teacher. I think Simmons gets two-thirds of the job done. She does an excellent job of explaining how devastating girls' aggression can be, and she does an excellent job of explaining the dynamics. But she has very little to say about how to address this problem.

She tells parents to tell teachers about what is going on, and to make sure those teachers take these problems seriously. Fair enough. But that's about it.

Intervening in these sorts of problems is tricky, especially since the offending girls often try to manipulate the teacher while they are mistreating a girl. (I'm not excusing not trying.) But a teacher who missteps can exacerbate the problem. In my experience, an individual teacher's relationship with the girls, both offenders and victims, is the single biggest factor in determining how effective that teacher can be in intervening. Sad to say, none of this is discussed.

Simmons has disgnosed the disease, and explained it's pathology, but offers no cure. It's an important first step.

Unlike so many books, which get published today, Rachel Simmons' `Odd Girl Out' is helpful and much needed. The subtle aggression of girls is so insidious and is often difficult to rid later in life.
The self-esteem of girls is often tied into what other people (peers) think of them. Their desire for approval and praise unfortunately turns into a weakness when other's words and actions target what they long for...ofen through gossip and silence.
The great thing about Simmons is that although she spends a fair amount of time identifying the issues and expounding the problem, she does not leave the reader without hope. Rather, she clearly presents solutions and exercises to heal and prevent further damage.
One thing, which would have been helpful, is if this book would have provided a means by which those who are at high-risk to be bullied can be identified, as well as those who are at high-risk to bully. This would go a long ways in prevention, as well as getting to the heart of the matter instead of dealing with symptoms and results. For instance, what are the common threads found in those who bully, and what motivates them? Simmons touches on this, but I wish she had dealt with it in more detail.
The home seems to be so key here. Providing a place where hatred, meanness, destructive words, and aggression is not tolerated would go a long ways in creating schools and common places which are free from these acidic behaviors. Unfortunately this is not often the case, but rather many of these behaviors are learned in the home and then brought into social settings to be used as weapons.

What an intersting book on the subversive nature of female aggression. I don't think growing up female you can escape being touched by this in the slightest bit. This book almost compliments The Ophelia Complex, which would be what would happen in the more extreme cases.
While the book does not offer any conclusions of what can be done, like others, I agree just talking about what goes on is of a great help. Validation is often the start of a healing process. The descriptions of some of the experiences are heart wrenching, and sometimes vaguely familiar to my own experiences growing up.
I wish I could say that this book offers some suggestions on how to handle certain situations, but I think its purpose is to make you aware of the masterful passive aggression that so often happens in manipulating relationships at a young age. Its interesting that our society brings this out in those that are so young.
I would recommend this book if your female, have a daughter, wife, or any woman in your life. I can't imagine being of the female gender and totally missing this almost seemingly a rite of passage.

In Rachel Simmons' book, "Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls," she introduces us to three hundred girls from thirty schools across the country. Blasting the stereotype that girls are the kinder, gentler sex, Simmons' premise is that girls are taught to "be nice" and to "make friends," and, as a result, are unable to express anger that might destroy the façade of friendship. Because our culture does not grant girls "permission" to confront conflict directly, Simmons asserts, there exists a "hidden culture of silent and indirect aggression" consisting of "backbiting, exclusion, rumors, name-calling, and manipulation to inflict psychological pain on targeted victims." Simmons remembers how she felt when a third grader named Abby told the other girls not to play with her; she remembers her own responsibility in giving another girl the silent treatment. It is from that base of personal experience that Simmons conducted her interviews.

The book consists of Simmons interviews...many, many interviews. Over time, the interviews begin to seem mind-numbingly similar. Natalie's story, Lisa's story, Molly's story, Dina's story...each story becomes repetitive. At one point, I set the book aside for a week and found that I had lost my place. I attempted to find the exact page where I had stopped reading, but I found that it was impossible to do so. Since none of the stories stood out distinctly in my mind, I gave up my search for the "right" page; I picked a random early chapter that I knew I must have read already and resumed my reading.

I enjoyed reading the book, even given its repetitiveness problems, and with a lifetime of experience being the "odd girl out," I found it somewhat cathartic to read stories of young women who had experienced similar trauma. Simmons does some things well. Her explanation of the devastating impact of girls' aggression is compelling, and she does an excellent job of describing the dynamics of the hidden aggression. In addition, Simmons relates the various interviews in a compassionate and thoughtful manner.

Where she does not succeed, however, is in giving her readers tangible suggestions about ways to address the problems she emphasizes.

Odd Girl Out contains two hundred and seventy pages, but it is only during the last thirty of those pages that Simmons addresses possible solutions to the problems she outlines. In those thirty pages, Simmons tells readers to talk to their daughters, to tell teachers about what is happening, and to make sure that teachers take the problems seriously. Those are reasonable suggestions, but I wanted more. I did not find a plan to keep these things from happening to my young adult daughter in the first place, nor did I find a plan of action in the event these things happen to my daughter. It is not enough to recommend we talk to our daughters and to their teachers - my friends and I could suggest that plan to one another over a cup of coffee at Starbucks. Simmons has made a good first step in raising awareness of the problem. She needed to work harder, though, to provide parents and teachers with skills and with plans for action when facing these issues.

This is a terrible book on an interesting subject. Anecdotes do not data make. This is terrible science, bad social science, and I'm unconvinced by her analysis. There are other theories about gossip, for example, cf Robin Dunbar books for one--gossip is good and helps to strengthen important social networks. There are other theories about female-female competition besides that it is pathological bullying (which it obviously can't be since it is so common). While Simmons notices interesting things, she seems to have had some unfortunate blinkers on while considering what it is she has observed.

Simmons should look more widely at the role of status-seeking in primates as well as in human cultures to better understand what it is she is observing. Hrdy's wonderful Mother Nature would have given her a great model for integrating unique observations with science and anecdote. Fellow journalist Natalie Angier's wonderful books would have also given her additional perspectives. And Simmons would have done well to look at this subject of status-seeking in the context of behavioural economics and evolutionary psychology and anthropology, where there is already a great and wide ranging literature on status seeking and interpersonal aggression and sex differences. I get the feeling she stumbled on a cool idea and was smart enough to write this book, but she is remarkably uniformed. This is not original territory and while her perspective is catchy, framed as it were in everyone's most memorable stage of life, but ultimately it leads nowhere.

It's dull. Repetetive. Did I say repetitive? And repetitive.

I found this book to be incredibly interesting and informative.

I have often wondered why women seem to dislike each other so much. Many a female friend has told me "I just don't like women...all my friends are guys".

This book explains the various ways in which girls (the book focuses on teens) use relationships for manipulation and even punishment. The strive to be popular and conform to society's 'good girl' ideal often drive girls to more subtle and covert forms of bullying.

I agree with the author that acts of aggression beyond physical assault must be dealt with at some level. Especially after reading about how grown women still remembered losing friends or being outcast in highschool, years after the fact. I think it is highly important that teachers, parents, and peers work with and for young women. Relationships are not always easy ,for anyone, and at a time when they can make or break you, it is certainly worth taking a deeper look into the dynamics of girls relationships with other girls.

This is a highly useful and informative book for anyone.

This book could not be more perfect in explaining how women have their little cliques and can make others feel out of place, unworthy, and unwanted.

When women get together, things can get out of hands especially between friends when one girl doesn't like another girl. They will gang up on the victim by ignoring them, criticizing them, laughing at them, by gossip, and be nice in person but mean in public.

This book stereotypes these type of girls and lets others wonder whats on the receiver's end of the abuse that is taken by girls like this. It also shows you how to deal with this type of people and all teenage girls should have this.

Great book!

I read this several years ago before my daughter hit middle school. It was spot on as far as description and discussion of various types of social aggression. However, I highly recommend the book Cliques by Charlene Giannetti as a more practical approach to dealing with all the pain, isolation and powerlessness girls feel when they are being vicitimized. It has excellent methods and advice for girls dealing with this trauma, and how to become the power holder instead of the vicitm.

I finished reading the book Odd Girl Out by Rachel Simmons a few months ago. I would read it for long periods of time, then leave it sitting on my nightstand again, until I got up my courage to read some more of it. I relate so much to the stories in it, it was painful to read it at times, yet I had to. It was too intriguing to leave alone. The girls Rachel spoke to really told her about how girls get along with each other. How there are underground ways we express our feelings and expect others to catch on to what we mean. How some girls try so hard to get into the "popular" circle. Or how some girls use their friends to gang up on a girl that they don't like.
I myself have been ganged up on by other girls. I did not convert to their behavior, and I did not let myself give them many opportunities to mess with me, but it still happened in ways I could not help. Eventually, I got to the place where I could ignore them. But it still hurt. After a while I found that one of my previous thoughts was not true; I was not the only one. I noticed this in school, but reading Odd Girl Out made me realize it and put the situation into perspective. Before I read the book, I had learned to live with being harassed and still get though the school day all right, but what I really wanted was to understand why... why did the others did this, why to me, why to anyone? When I was reading Odd Girl Out, I saw all my feelings about being harassed by other girls on the paper in stories similar to mine. I noticed patterns in behavior in the stories, and patterns in responses from different girls, and other things.
This book made it make sense to me, the that way girls treat other girls sometimes. Odd Girl Out is kinda like that birthday present that seems like it isn't much, but then you open it and see it's much more, a real gift. It also changed my harsh feelings for the other girls...since I got to see what might be their point of view, in my own way I forgave them for all the things they did and said. It felt like a huge burden was lifted off me, because I hate feeling badly towards other people. Though I do not tease people, I want to feel good about people in my thoughts. This book made that possible for me; it gave me the answers, and some ways I can prevent things from happening.
Now, if anyone ever gangs up on me again, I'll feel better about myself though the experience, and I'll be able to figure out part of the reason, (which is always part of the solution) so I'll be able to do what I come to school for; to learn and to focus on learning...not "Hmmm, how I should avoid getting harassed today?". Odd Girl Out is like getting a small education in protecting yourself from a hive of bees that will sneak up on you to sting you, and make you understand why they want to sting you. I thank Rachel Simmons for that. She really put together a wonderful book, 5 out of 5 stars.
This is one of my favorite books, and I think any girl who has ever been socially abused, teased, betrayed or abandoned by a friend should read it. The stories in it are like valuable treasures that show you your worth in the face of bullies, and the bully's worth as well. And I believe that in most cases seeing every person's worth (despite a less than perfect friendship with them) is one of the most important things in life.

Motivated by the girl bullying she experienced in her own life as a pre-teen, the author makes a small dent in advancing understanding in this important corner of the larger puzzle of American violence, writ large. What she has uncovered and exposed to the light of day is another well-hidden manifestation of violence in a seldom-examined corner of American society: passive aggression among pre-teen and teenage females. And in this regard, the book can be seen as a companion piece to several other books dealing with violence in American society more generally, and teen bullying by boys, in particular. Given the likes of Columbine and the like, and that teen violence has reached epidemic proportions no matter from what side of the gender divide it is viewed, this study could not have been more timely.

However, although it is a clinically based research design, it still retains too much of a testimonial quality to it. Ms. Simmons got a "bug in her bonnet" from her own experience and failed to get completely out of the way of her analysis. She basically uncovers and exposes a phenomenon with which she is already familiar. And in this sense, she may have been a bit to close to her subject matter to remain entirely objective. She admits as much in the sensitivities she reflected in responding to the charges that her study in fact was a "trashing of female humanity."

Despite her closeness to the substance, taking a clinical approach is to the book's credit. She interviews in a relaxed setting, several groups of girls reflecting a rich cross-section of socioeconomic backgrounds. As expected, none of her finding are surprising and in the end, all seem a bit too self-confirming: "our culture refuses girls access to open conflict, and it [thus] forces their aggression into nonphysical, indirect, and covert forms." Therefore girls are meaner, more secretive but no less lethal in the damage done than if they had used the weapons of choice by boys, fists, guns or knives. In short, the effects of covert violence can be as long-term and as lethal as overt violence.

For me, the book answered all of the easy questions but left a longer list of tougher ones unanswered. What the book did not do, even in a preliminary way, was to speculate on what role the larger context of American culture, one virtually dripping in violence, may have played in generating the phenomenon being studied? Or conversely, what this study and the phenomenon of passive aggressive female violence more generally itself might means for the larger mosaic of a violence-prone culture? Certainly, it would have made sense also to speculate on what kind of adults these violence-prone teen turned into at maturity?

What we learn through both her personal and clinical experience is something we already knew: that the hidden culture of passive aggressive female teen violence, like that among male bullies, has reached epidemic proportions. And while she sees clearly and early on that societal factors are involved, her focus to the bitter end was avowedly only on intrapersonal and intra-group, and intra-family factors: A good first order analysis. Three stars

This book is filled with many recognizable situations and I found myself turning back the pages of my own life having experienced a great deal of aggression from teen aged girls.

I found out, also, that in my adulthood, many of these girls had grown into full blown manipulative and aggressive adults. They had practiced the art of abuse and perfected it over the years and continue to be abusive.

Women often use the only way they can to deal with the jealousy they feel and the inability to address it. It is more than frightening. We might not recognize them if we have not dealt with the reality. We befriend them again and again and worse, we might marry them.

If you have a teenager, boy or girl, be aware of their moods and pay attention to any changes that seem more than temporary teen angst. It is all too possible that they might be the target of one or more of these monsters.

I happened upon this book in Costco and immediately snapped it up. After three years of the torture and abuse by other girls my age in middle school, I left with panic disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, agoraphobia, and depression. That was eighth grade and I was not yet thirteen. I am now twenty and still struggling just to drive to a local university each day because I cannot cope with leaving for a better school with the major I want. I still leave near in the same neighbourhood and literally gag when I see the girls who tortured me.
This book finally shows that the school itself-- not just the students, but the teachers and administration-- are at fault for letting us 'Odd Girls' (or as singer/songwriter Tori Amos refers to us 'Raisin Girls') fall through the cracks and sometimes become cracked ourselves. Perhaps we will not be the only ones to peruse this book, but those who can help us-- from teachers to psychiatrists. It's time to realise that hitting is NOT the only way someone can end up bruised.

Rachel Simmons has written something really special here. Reading this book, I remembered several experiences that I had buried somewhere deep in my psyche. But more importantly, even as a grown woman, I find myself in situations like these (like I'm back in eighth grade) and this book has really been a huge help in recognizing this sort of behavior immediately. This is a book that every woman who felt 'left out' or like an outsider in school should read, and a book that every parent of a daughter should read. Keep in mind that this book doesn't solve the problem, it only identifies it - but that's half the battle, and it's one that Rachel Simmons has won triumphantly.

Odd Girl Out- the Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls by Rachel Simmons is a MUST-READ book for teachers and parents of girls. "Girls can be mean" is a common statement that is made when observing girls interacting with each other. Odd Girl Out helps identify why girls can be so mean without the typical outward signs of anger. Rachel Simmons provides an illustration of the many alternative aggressions that typically "nice and sweet" girls use as they grow-up. After reading this book, as a female teacher, I was reminded about bullying that I had encountered throughout my education, and I was able to see examples of the bullying that has and is taking place in my classroom. As females, we typically do not recognize that bullying is occurring because of the use of alternative aggressions. In fact, after listening to a guidance lesson, the alternative aggressions that are explained and illustrated in this book are even typically ignored.

After one reads this book, you feel better prepared to create a safer and more understanding environment for any of your female students. Since I have read this book, I feel better about intervening on the behalf of some of my students. I also see where in the past I have excused the bully for the same reasons that Rachel Simmons discusses in her book.

As a parent, I could see the need to eventually share my own stories with my daughter. Many of the girls in this story mentioned being ashamed and alone while they had to deal with the bullying. Being aware of what your children are experiencing will help you become a better and more-informed parent.

This book is not an easy read; you cannot sit down and read the entire book within a short amount of time without some heavy thinking. The way the author set up and shares the different stories throughout the book gets a little confusing. However, the multiple stories easily allow the reader to personally connect to the book. Reading this book is not a quick-fix solution, but more-or-less allows the reader to gain insight into the aggression that girls show other girls. Teachers and parents are given some feedback and potential ways to help the students who are at the center of the aggressions.

I was immediately drawn to this book because I am raising a daughter and experiencing the wrath of female aggression again through my daughter's eyes. I never realized it started so young! This book is both enlightening and affirming as it acknowledges the undercurrent of hidden female aggression that lives within our culture. We live in a society where girls are raised to be loving and nice. "Our culture refuses girls open access to open conflict, and forces their aggression into non physical, indirect, and covert forms"(Simmons, 2002,p.3). I believe there are many women in our society that can identify with this statement and find this book helpful. Rachel Simmons provides testimony to this behavior from many perspectives. The girls interviewed are different ages with diverse racial and economic profiles. How many of us remember being excluded, ganged up upon or ridiculed? What is most difficult to understand is that often all we wanted was acceptance.
Rachel Simmons wrote this book to helps girls realize they are not alone. It provides helpful advice for teachers and parents to assist girls through these difficult times. The only part that was lacking in this book for me is that I would have liked to have heard from women that continue to experience this aggression into adulthood. This behavior certainly does not end in adolescence. In fact, I don't think this hidden aggression ever ends. Maybe that is an idea for a sequel. Rachel Simmon's book is well written and certainly held my attention. I highly recommend Odd Girl Out by Rachel Simmons if you are raising girl in today's society.

Rachel Simmons is to be commended for addressing an issue that has long been ignored.
As another reviewer has noted, this kind of behavior begins much earlier than High School, however. As someone who often found myself on the receiving end of the kind of bullying mentioned in this book during my during my formative years, I can say that from personal experience.
I would say that my worst experiences with such girls took place when I lived on military bases--environments that can breed such girls mainly because many of the authority figures are verbally abusive and as part of their jobs there is much yelling at any rate. Students at schools on bases are probably more likely to encounter angry-sounding teachers, who operate with drill-seargent style tactics, than students at schools off base, and the whole base environment is pervaded by authority figures that not only conduct themselves that way professionally, but also privately, and many kids in such places feel they have no recourse from it.
During the two times in my life when I attended schools on military bases, there was one girl who was not only one of my main detractors, but who harassed others as well. Both girls were rather frumpy, with short blond hair, and may have had insecurities about their weight and physical appearance. Perhaps they felt that others were judging them and comparing them when that may not have been the case at all.The first girl had a mother who was as disgusting as she was. The second may have felt that her older brother, who seemed like a nice guy, was the prefered sibling.
In the first instance, there was one class session where the girl and her cohorts were confronted by a teacher, as well as classmates. I don't recall the girl in question causing too much trouble afterwards.
In the second instance, few seemed to be willing to do anything about the girl, who was forever taking things people said and did out of context, and launching those noted whispering campaigns against various targets that would result in the small class being pitted against that person, who would not be given the chance to correct what ever distortions were made about them. Occasionally, I stood up to her, but got tired of having to. Sometimes this girl was verbally aggressive towards teachers as well, and I only saw one of them stand his ground against her and send her to the Principal's office; another teacher who publicly rebuked her, then apologized after class is the current Principal of that same school. In military terms, the rank of students' parents may have something to do with they way students are viewed and treated by students and authority figures, and while I never knew the rank of that bully's parents, I only knew that the other kids were rather afraid of her and that apparently, she had quite a power base.
Lives were ruined at that school and newcomers were denied the chance to be liked or disliked on their own terms because of this girl. Joseph McCarthy would have envied her tactics towards the student body. There were also feuds in the school corridors--difficult to ignore in such a small building--cliques dressed in similar outfits, and minor things that were turned into unnecessary points of contention. She made a game of blocking me as I tried to get on the bus, which was unattended, but letting others pass.... But time and military life can be great levelers, and when the girl who derided in the tears, public, academic, and social humiliations of her classmates finally had to move away, many of her victims had the satisfaction of seeing her in tears the last time she got on the bus. They were probably tears of humiliation rather than tears shed because she would miss anyone. Presumably, once she was the new student somewhere else, she got back what she gave to others.
I realize that part of the problem is that students in general are often threatened by their perceptions of others, and military kids will have less time to really get to know each other over time because people are always having to move, and they too often make snap judgements about each other. I guess one could call it the "Breakfast Club" Syndrome.
Where all schools could improve is at making students realize how little they really know or understand each other at that age, and to try to get students to improve at listening to each other and at giving both sides a fair hearing. They need to be reassured that the real or imagined conflicts and rivalries they have or feel they have with each other will be of little importance within a few year's time. Students being bullied need to feel that authority figures will do something about their tormentors, and students of both genders need to be encouraged and empowered. Bullies need to be taught to deal with whatever issues or insecurities that lead to their misbehavior in more constructive ways. All students should be warned that eventually in life, we get back what we give to people.

Pardon my feminism, but my goodness, there is an appalling amount of internalized sexism and flat-out girl hating in this book, and most disturbingly, there is no peer-reviewed research to support any of the author's assertions. Ms. Simmons is basically saying: "No girl can ever truly be trusted, because girls were mean to me when I was younger and now I am going to write a book based on my own 'case studies' to prove this, while not offering the readers any actual solutions." There is some big time sexism here.

Look, social undermining is, in fact, a very serious issue for a great many families. But to blame it on an overly-simplistic, personal theory that "all girls are sneaky and mean!" just so completely misses the larger point, not to mention the larger social context here. Folks looking for practical advice and some real solutions would be much better served by reading Rosalind Wiseman's "Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and the New Realities of Girl World," as well as her book on aggression in boys, "Masterminds and Wingmen: Helping Our Boys Cope with Schoolyard Power, Locker-Room Tests, Girlfriends, and the New Rules of Boy World." Though these books also suffer a bit from a sort of "boys are from saturn, girls are from jupiter" kind of false-dichotomizing, Wiseman's books probably are the most thoughtful and nuanced anti-bullying books for American parents that are currently out there.

I read this book in preparation for my daughter's middle school years. I can honestly say it helped prepare me the first time she came home in distress over a friendship that had taken a negative turn. It gives insight into what might be going on in a girl's mind when she suddenly starts displaying RA tactics, and the devastating effects it has on both the aggressor and the victim.

My daughter took great comfort from this book as well as the companion book, Odd Girl Speaks Out - they helped her understand her friend's possible motives and gave her some tools to use to turn the situation around. It also helped me open up a dialogue with her school, who were very responsive. RA can be overcome, but you have to educate yourself and your community. Sometimes this has to start with the parent, not the teachers. This book is a fantastic first step.

I recently saw the Lifetime movie. I havent read the book but I will. I watched this movie and was glued to the story because this was me. I went through this exact story line, to the point of SEVERAL suicide attempts and one issue that wasnt addressed was when the title SLUT is placed on a young girl she gets convinced that she is... the boys hear it and their ears perk up and take advantage of that title. I was fooled enough to think that their new found attention for me was genuine...I confused sex for love. I turned into that slut that intitally when the rumors started I wasnt. I was so desperate for love and attention and for the hurt to go away, I accepted these invitations from boys - which led to teenage pregnancy that led to an abortion.

Another item is it led to social anxiety growing up. I lived being bullied for so long I am paranoid Im being ridiculed wherever I go. I dont beleive when someone compliments me...I am always thinking Im being tricked or ridiculed. That I wont fit in anywhere. I struggle with relationships ...all relationships and I am now 34 divorced and a single mom to twin boys (thank goodness I have boys) I know that the bullying has a part in my divorce and the fact that I have no female friends to speak of.

Anyway I just want to commend the author for writing about this. Back in the early 80's there was NO where to go. No one did anything. I recall teachers joining the chanting and the bullying at times. I still have nightmares of feeling helpless.

Pardon my feminism, but my goodness, there is an appalling amount of internalized sexism and flat-out girl hating in this book, and most disturbingly, there is no peer-reviewed research to support any of the author's assertions. Ms. Simmons is basically saying: "No girl can ever truly be trusted, because girls were mean to me when I was younger and now I am going to write a book based on my own 'case studies' to prove this, while not offering the readers any actual solutions." There is some big time sexism here.

Look, social undermining is, in fact, a very serious issue for a great many families. But to blame it on an overly-simplistic, personal theory that "all girls are sneaky and mean!" just so completely misses the larger point, not to mention the larger social context here. Folks looking for practical advice and some real solutions would be much better served by reading Rosalind Wiseman's "Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and the New Realities of Girl World," as well as her book on aggression in boys, "Masterminds and Wingmen: Helping Our Boys Cope with Schoolyard Power, Locker-Room Tests, Girlfriends, and the New Rules of Boy World." Though these books also suffer a bit from a sort of "boys are from saturn, girls are from jupiter" kind of false-dichotomizing, Wiseman's books probably are the most thoughtful and nuanced anti-bullying books for American parents that are currently out there.

I read this book in preparation for my daughter's middle school years. I can honestly say it helped prepare me the first time she came home in distress over a friendship that had taken a negative turn. It gives insight into what might be going on in a girl's mind when she suddenly starts displaying RA tactics, and the devastating effects it has on both the aggressor and the victim.

My daughter took great comfort from this book as well as the companion book, Odd Girl Speaks Out - they helped her understand her friend's possible motives and gave her some tools to use to turn the situation around. It also helped me open up a dialogue with her school, who were very responsive. RA can be overcome, but you have to educate yourself and your community. Sometimes this has to start with the parent, not the teachers. This book is a fantastic first step.

I recently saw the Lifetime movie. I havent read the book but I will. I watched this movie and was glued to the story because this was me. I went through this exact story line, to the point of SEVERAL suicide attempts and one issue that wasnt addressed was when the title SLUT is placed on a young girl she gets convinced that she is... the boys hear it and their ears perk up and take advantage of that title. I was fooled enough to think that their new found attention for me was genuine...I confused sex for love. I turned into that slut that intitally when the rumors started I wasnt. I was so desperate for love and attention and for the hurt to go away, I accepted these invitations from boys - which led to teenage pregnancy that led to an abortion.

Another item is it led to social anxiety growing up. I lived being bullied for so long I am paranoid Im being ridiculed wherever I go. I dont beleive when someone compliments me...I am always thinking Im being tricked or ridiculed. That I wont fit in anywhere. I struggle with relationships ...all relationships and I am now 34 divorced and a single mom to twin boys (thank goodness I have boys) I know that the bullying has a part in my divorce and the fact that I have no female friends to speak of.

Anyway I just want to commend the author for writing about this. Back in the early 80's there was NO where to go. No one did anything. I recall teachers joining the chanting and the bullying at times. I still have nightmares of feeling helpless.

This book brought back so many unpleasant memories of my own middle and high school years. I could relate to so many of the girls stories about exclusion and betrayal by trusted grilfriends. I found myself shaking my head and saying that Ms. Simmons was right on target on many points. For anyone who has a daughter, I think that this book would be an important part of their library. I also like that Ms. Simmons spoke to girls from many ethnic and economic backgrounds and not just middle and upper class girls from the suburbs.

I highly recommend this book.

Odd Girl Out, while providing useful anecdotes of female aggression, falls short of offering a convincing explanation for the sex-differences in aggression seen among males and females. The idea that women or girls have no choice in how they express their anger is absurd. Women choose this strategy because it is less costly than physical aggression. Males also engage in social aggression when the opportunity arises that the payoff is greater than the cost compared to physical aggression, which is less often the case for women. And likewise, females utilize the strategy of physical aggression when the payoff is greater than the cost, for instance in a resource poor environment we see that women and girls are more willingly resort to physical conflict over resources (a fact that she uncovered in the book but failed to understand or explain to the audience - see Anne Campell's work for good scientific evidence and explanations on this topic).
Female aggression is not about the social abnormality of some girls to be bullies to others because they have been denied a physical or verbal outlet for anger. Females of all ages aggress because they are competing over resources. In some situations the resource is a bigger social network, or a better boyfriend, and in others it may be the favor of a powerful adult. In a social strategy, the best manipulators are the ones who gain the resources but don't pay the cost either because their attack is buffered by a large social network or because their deeds went unrealized by their competitor.
If all you want to do is read some instances of extreme cases where girls are not playing the social manipulation game well (evidenced by the fact that they are getting caught), then you will get plenty of great descriptive information. But keep in mind that the explanations are weak and lack scientific support. And as a final comment, I would add that Simmons blames society for not allowing girls to aggress "normally," which in her mind is physically or verbally, and yet she spends a few hundred pages painting a bleak picture, bent on a political agenda of breaking the cycle of relational aggression....the point being, she berates society for beating girls down and causing this social dilemma, but she is just as guilty of pushing girls into the "play nice" sex category by attempting to manipulate others into acting out against relational aggression and "girl bullies." So what are we leaving them with, they can't fight, they can't argue, and now they can't gossip....I wonder which avenue they will make for themselves next, our creative crafty little girls, because the only way to get them to stop competing is to take away the resource, and this simply cannot be done.

I was very interested in reading this book but am dismayed to find my interest waning with each day I attempt to plow through all of the details and interviews. "I don't think the book was well-written, and did not flow well from beginning to end, just restated the premise again and again with more vignettes." - I couldn't agree more laschnell (previous reviewer). A well written book can be such a joy to read, but I'm sad to say that I have to force myself to read this one - like forcing myself to have a spoonful of cod liver oil 'cause it's good for me. Not only was the content editing much too sparse, there were quite a few grammatical and spelling errors as well. Tsk Tsk. That said, the subject matter is fascinating and definitely of importance. It certainly brings to mind some of my own childhood experiences, and helps to shed some light on them. My bottom line: I would recommend this book for the subject matter, but caution that it's a slow read.

I saw this book at my local bookstore and decided to pick up a copy for a friend whose daughter is just entering this stage. I ended up reading the whole book myself overnight, before passing it along. As someone who was both a perpetrator and a victim of social aggression in my middle school years, it was a comfort and a long-needed explanation for what I had been through (and what I had put others through). These memories, though disjointed, are still a very vivid and real part of my reality as an adult. I still see these methods of aggression in people my own age (mid-twenties) and older, who act out in the same ways as described in this book. Lucky for me, I have been able to recognize and avoid these types of relationships for a long time now.
Simmons offers some valuable insight into the social games of young girls, and puts into words the misery that so many of us could only sum up to the "evilness" of girls. Her solution to the problem is a bit simplistic and unrealistic, but the very fact that the book opens up discourse on this subject is a very definite step in the right direction.

Aggression has always been assumed to be a problem only in male circles of friends, where disagreements are often visibly and violently resolved, both at home and in school. Females of all ages are held to certain expectations of niceness, calmness, and friendliness with one another. Within our schools throughout the past, and certainly now, that assumed niceness among girls is not as common as many parents, teachers, and researchers would hope to find. Although it often manifests itself in different forms, the level of aggression, as Rachel Simmons details in her book, Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls, is much higher than any of us may have imagined. This book offers "a glimpse of the back alleys and hidden corners of girl bullying, to begin the process of naming and understanding it. The difference in comparison to male patterns, as Simmons explains, is that female patterns of aggression s are usually much more discrete, much harder for those uninvolved to see, or to detect. This hidden aggression has developed as a result of the cultural expectations of girls in our society. Young females are often forced to put forth two personalities; the nice, non-aggressive personality which is used in the presence of adults. The harsh, mean, back-stabbing personality used to express their anger is used in relation to peers, in order to gain control and popularity.

Within circles of female friends in most school environments, as Simmons excellently exposes in her research, there is a constant battle for friendship, popularity, and belonging with the certain cliques, or groups. The constant struggle to belong forces young girls to rely on methods of teasing, rumor-spreading, alliance building, and secret-sharing, in effort to win the friendship of those students who are most popular. Through speaking to hundreds of young girls, currently involved in the harmful workings of female aggression, along with adults who were subject to the harmful effects of female aggression as young girls, Simmons was able to uncover the harmful ways in which girls use friendship as a weapon to gain control and inflict pain towards those with whom they are angry. The immense fear of being alone, or having no friends, is felt so strongly by young girls that they will often subject themselves to unhealthy friendships with aggressive peers rather than be alone.

The important question, we as parents and educators, must address is how to reform society as to allow girls a healthy outlet for their aggression. The discrete, non-aggressive personal attacks they are waging against one another daily in our schools is often more damaging than we have been willing to admit in the past. Simmons points out that we must allow our girls to express their anger and discontent with situations and with one another freely and outwardly. As we hear personal stories of how aggressive female bullies affected the lives of the many girls who offer their voices to this piece, we begin to understand the struggle between `nice' and `strong' that our society forces girls to deal with. Many channels for the expression of anger are eliminated within this struggle for young girls. "We are telling our girls to be bold and timid, voracious and slight, sexual and demure. We are telling them to hurry up and wait. But, as in the game of Twister, these girls eventually end up in impossible positions and collapse" (115). Any attempt at assertiveness, at standing up for oneself, as Simmons explains in Chapter 7, is viewed through the lens of traditional female roles as `mean' or `bitchy.'

The refusal of parents to address issued inherently embedded both the personalities of bullies and victims is discussed eloquently by Simmons near the end of the book, where she discusses the refusal of parents to admit that their children are not perfect. Whether it is their daughter who is being victimized, or who is doing the victimization, parents `fear that others will judge their mothering abilities based on their children's behaviors or problems. This refusal to openly discuss the feelings associated with being bullied, forces young girls to bottle-up their emotions, and continue to put on the face of happiness and content.

This book tells the stories of many who have felt the pain of female aggression in many instances, and offers excellent suggestions on how parents, teachers, and girls themselves should deal with the aggressive, hurtful acts of other girls in their lives. Simmons certainly could have spent more time discussing ways in which we, as educators and adults, could lead society toward developing different expectations of female behavior, allowing girls a voice to express their feelings and anger, and releasing our young girls from the pressures of `niceness' that have forever guided their actions. I also believe that her excellent work could have been raised to the next level is she could have spent more time researching and discussing the differences in aggressive patterns within schools not situated in middle class settings, where she spent a majority of her time.

Overall, I certainly recommend this book to many parents of female students, and to all teachers within the K-12 environment. An eye-opening look into what we have all seen or experienced in some form, ODD GIRL OUT: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls, begins the dialogue about alternative aggression, and provides and excellent platform for initiating the movement toward change.

I peeked over the shoulders of two giggling 1st grade students and realized in horror that they were collaborating on an "enemy list" during my Writer's Workshop lesson. Shocked and appalled that something like this could happen in my classroom, I quickly realized that I had a responsibility as a teacher to do something... anything... and fast. Odd Girl Out gives a brutally honest look into "girl world" and the secret and subtle ways that girls hurt each other. Rachel Simmons' work gives great insight into the make-up of female relationships and the way girls express their anger and aggression. After reading this book, I feel much more prepared when facing girl bullying in my classroom. This book is a "must-read" for teachers and anyone who has any significant role in the lives of young girls.

Ms. Simmons explores a fascinating topic--or at least I thought so, till I began reading. Her book suffers from two fatal flaws: 1) Endless, repetitive complaining from less-than-articulate girls in the 10-to-16 set [who need to have their meaning explained in brackets], and 2) the author's totally unsupported accusations that their manipulative, sociopathic behavior is all the fault of that nasty ol' male-dominated culture. Boo-hoo! This assertion is weakened by Simmons' own admission that this cruel streak in girls cuts across the entire socioeconomic spectrum, and is refuted when many of her quotees admit that they aren't influenced by--in fact, distrust--images and role models presented by popular culture. She fails to present any control groups--girls raised in a supportive, equally-gendered environments and therefore, do not display this petty, self-centered, oversensitive worldview. I wished she'd let her teens and pre-teens shut up and bring in some adult voices who might explain this phenomenon. Blaming society for one's ills is an age-old, shopworn way of evading the need for personal ethics and responsibility, and just because these "victims" are young and female doesn't make it any more valid.

Rachel Simmons shines the light on girl aggression/bullying and it can no longer slip under the radar in our schools. When and how are we doing to stop girl bullying in our schools? Simmons writes about her own familiarity with bullying. She also includes a variety of stories from different girls/women's experiences with bullying. There is no pretty pink coating to go over the reality of what is happening in our schools and from what I have come to understand, will continue at an intensified level in the future.

I saw myself in several of the different side stories included in the book. It would probably be hard for any woman to read this book and not relate to at least five or six of the small stories held within. This book would be a great read aloud for a group of older girls or you could pull some parts to read to a younger group of girls in order to start a discussion on bullying. Mothers and fathers may also find this book to be helpful when confronted with bullying in their daughters lives. Not only does this book give detailed examples of how some girls were/are bullied, it also provides ways to tell if your daughter or loved one is being bullied. It helps a person look for signs and then explains how to address the issues of bullying with girls. As a teacher, I was able to reflect at how I can better handle girl aggression in my classroom. Simmons gives great advice on how to talk to a group of girls about bullying in the classroom.

I would be interested if Simmons decided to write a follow up on how some of the girls interviewed are doing in 10 years and to see what they have to say in the future about bullying.

If you or your daughter has ever experienced the cold shoulder, the icy glare or the table that has no more room - this book is for you! Know that you - or your daughter - are not alone. Simmons gives credibility to this sociological phenonenon - the common struggle of girls and friendships - and given the painful experience a voice! No longer should we sweep the evil behavior of some girls under the rug or shrug it off as a phase...it should be identified as bullying, labeled as such...and NOT TOLERATED! Aside from sharing stories in which to relate, Simmons offers practical advice on how to cope with the experiences. I recommend this book highly.

This was a much-needed book, focusing on the hidden aggression of girls. Every woman has experienced this in her past and can relate to many of the stories inside, mothers of daughters especially. The only thing negative I can say about the book would be that there aren't enough proactive suggestions at the end of the book to counter this troubling problem. While it is touched on, I think more solutions or suggestions would have been helpful. It is worth reading, however, and gave me some ideas on ways to talk to my daughter when these sorts of issues come up with other girls at school.

Author Bio: Rachel Simmons, author of The New York Times best-seller Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls, is a native of Washington, DC. Simmons graduated from Vassar College with a degree in women's studies and political science. Awarded a Rhodes Scholarship in 1997, Simmons went on to work for New York City mayor Rudolph Guliani and on NY Senator Charles E. Schumer's 1998 campaign. After the election, Simmons attended Oxford University, where she began studying female aggression.
Rachel Simmons does an unbelievable job explaining the hidden nature of agression in girls. All girls will be able to relate to her interviews, whether they have been a part of it, or just watched it. She says things that have never been said but were much needed to be out in the open. Girls can be just as agressive as boys, but they hide it a lot better. This book is incredible and should really be read by every girl.

My eleven year old daughter was dealing with girl "bullies" at her school. She tried a variety of things to stop the situations. Some worked for awhile, some worked not at all. I happened to have Odd Girl Out on my shelf (bought it years ago-I'm a middle school teacher) and my daughter picked it up one day and said, "Mom, this is a really good book." She's read it cover to cover and has found some comfort in it. She has empowered herself and for that, I am glad.

As as former junior high teacher and now a school counselor and psychologist, I plan to use this book in my parent and teacher workshops. It is one you can't put down. Every teacher in junior and high school needs to read this to learn about the way girls show aggression in a covert way. I learned to read signs, which I missed before, to assist young girls who are ridiculed and shunned by others. Rachel Simmons researches this topic and has really conducted in-depth research and case studies which are easy to read and relate to. This will definitely help me to work with girls who would otherwise be ignored.
I will give this book to my fellow counselors and place one in the parent library.

This book resonated with me and brought back many painful memories. Girls are not always "sugar and spice and everything nice". I appreciated the thorough research by the author and her interesting writing style that kept me turning page after page. I read the book in one sitting.
Another must-read book is "IN THE COMPANY OF WOMEN" by Dr. Pat Heim, Dr. Susan Murphy, and Susan Golant. It seems like the perfect sequel to "ODD GIRL OUT" because it addresses how hidden aggression in girls continues into adulthood and can inflict the same painful emotional damage. But as adults, we also run tghe added risk of career damage.
I've recommended both "ODD GIRL OUT" and "IN THE COMPANY OF WOMEN" to men as well as women. Both these books explore and explain the female world of power and hidden aggression. At last we can talk freely about this problem and begin to solve it!

I can definitely connect with this book, and I've read several on this topic. It tells a lot of stories and explains through example. First chapter especially good about the hidden aggression as a culture among girls. I do think that if you're looking for a general book on hidden anger expressed in subtle ways -- with men and women -- and all ages, that "Overcoming Passive-Aggression" is another highly recommended book to cut through the mysteries of why people act this way, excluding, dissing, and doing all sorts of other unseemly things when they can't get to the point of what really troubles them, not the victim they pick upon.

I bought this book, read it and could pinpoint times when and persons to whom the stuff the author writes about happened. I think this book certainly is insightfull in the way it describes the 'undercurrents' of the behaviour (some) girls show when they're amongst each other or how this 'thing' is always in the background waiting to attack (so to speak). And it makes clear how this - sometimes downright cruel - behaviour affects the 'odd girls out'. I recommend this book to everyone (not just the odd girls out)!!

This book is filled with stories and life lessons that all women can learn from. Starting from the first pages, you will relate to the stories told. This book will change your perceptions and the way you relate to other women in your life. Do yourself a favor, buy this book. Buy a copy for those you love (and maybe those you don't necessarily like, too). If you want to have an emotional healing, start with this book. It's a journey of emotional, defining moments in our lives and how those moments have affected who we are. It's absolutely engaging.

Quite simply the definitive text on the topic. Although if parents are looking for skills and "how to" talk with your teen or pre-teen, I'd recommend Queen Bees and Wannabees. And if parents are looking for fiction to read or give to their teens, my recently released RETURNABLE GIRL tackles cliques, popularity, and what girls sometimes give up in order to fit in. A positive message prevails (I'm a social worker) and a subtle message to "TELL SOMEONE" what's going on!!!

Rachel Simmons's ground breaking "Odd Girl Out" is an amazing account of today's young woman and the struggles they have to face in the world we live in. Poignant and touching, Simmons talks to her reader with care and understanding and gives actual accounts by real women about their struggles of acceptance, peer pressure, and the hidden aggression that they have for each other and themselves. Not only does it gives you a better look at the women of our society but it makes you more understanding of there everyday struggles as well.

Buy it for the sister or daughter that is in your life and it will give you a better understanding of the plight that she is going though in her world.

Simmons has a great topic, and I am very interested in learning more about female aggression in youth - however, she usually seems to be just offering up the thoughts that come to her without assembling them into an outline. The book has sections, yet she is constantly putting stories and anecdotes outside of the sections set aside for them. It makes for jilted reading. She doesn't offer any *numbers.* There is no math in this book, no scicentific basis for what she calls "research."
What I'll say ultimately is that it is worth reading and there are some great take-home points, but the book seems to be co-written by her wounded school-girl side and is lacking in maturity a lot of times.

This is an amazing book that only someone who had been bullied herself could have written with such understanding. This book is a 'must read' for anyone being vicimimzed, whether at work or at school. It should be recommended reading for teachers too as it might make them more aware of 'bully' situations in their classes.

Rachel Simmons shows the truth behind the doors of any average girl. She also shows the trials and tribulations that girls go through in school. I loved the book because I felt some of the pain come back when I read about other people's life. Rachel really knows what she is doing and I plan on reading her other books. I never loved reading Nonfiction but now, I LOVE IT!!

Nothing new that hasn't been covered to death elsewhere. Writing is dry, academic, and definitely not clear. The author blames society's messages about what a girl should be like (as if this hadn't been said a thousand times before by others.) This book succeeded because of publicity but the content isn't all that great.

Taken as it was intended, a psychological study, this book is completely invalid. The author was simply to young to understand how to conduct and then relate a real psychological study so the information is entirely biased and taken from one point of view. However if you are looking for a book that relates to you or someone you know's daughter having problems with cliques or other passive forms of bullying simply skip to then end as the entire middle is just poor relations of "case studies" that all come from one point of view. Also note that this book solely looks at privileged and entitled middle class females usually in the middle school age group.

Social reality has ego boundaries that put writers up against irony when the truth hurts. I have a large collection of rejection slips from publishers. One rejection informed me that my work was extralimital to the presses' goals. Millions of women everywhere are sure to agree. Men can be odder than desire and decay.