Center Mass (Code 11- KPD SWAT)

This story needs some real good editing. The premis behind the story could be wonderful but it seemed that the author forgot things that she put in earlier in the story, ie: the H's eye color changed, the h saw him with another woman hugging him and his daughter, thought they were a happy family and never had the loop where she found out who the hugging woman was. There was more. I enjoyed the base story line but was tossed out of it by the inconsistencies. The story went too fast from them not knowing each other at all to her living with him, just jumped from 0 to 50 in 2.5 pages. This could have been spectacular, it had the bones of a great story, but I was dissapointed in the way it played out. I might try another story to see if she started paying attention to her own story but am unsure. Buy at your own risk.