The One Your Wife Has Been Waiting For - 7 Ways to Be Her Hero

I always love diving into a book that Doug writes, as it reads well, keeps me engaged, laughing, but also helps me pursue life change personally. The 7 Actions were very clear for me to learn, and hopefully apply to my own marriage!

As someone who's had the benefit of knowing Doug, I can honestly say that this book is far too long in coming. Beyond his ministry wisdom and insights, the thing I've learned most from watching him is how to be a good husband and father. He's the real deal, and he's made a huge impact on my life.

So I can't recommend this book highly enough. It's not a money-grab. It's not a "brand builder." This book is the distilled wisdom of someone who has been living out these truths for years. Like everything Doug does it's well-written, vulnerable, honest, funny, & dodges the cliches that litter many Christian marriage books.

In other words, this is the "marriage book" for the person who is tired of reading marriage books. You should absolutely check it out.

I recommend the book to husbands especially, Christian or not, with perhaps an ending handoff to the wife. The author concedes that marriage isn't easy, but with the right attitude and useful techniques it can be extremely fulfilling and worthwhile.

In many word choices (which are over exaggerated and disrespectful), it seems to teach men to pretend and manage their wives. It explains scenarios that really make the lady look very unreasonable and the husband needing to be quiet manage her - teaching word choices that will work for them. It almost paints the man as a victim and how to deal with it. In the beginning of the book/cd it explains that the goal is to learn a way to get more sex. The spirit of love, partnership and better understanding is taught but it seems to be a means to this end. I am only 3/4 thru the cds but think the advice may in some cases do more harm than good making the man feel he has to manage his wife rather than communicate and understand like real friends should.

I liked the simple , straightforward approach of working on our marriage. This the stores account is in my wife's name but I'm the husband and I think it is well worth the short read. Guys, just do one of the suggestions and you'll soon notice a positive difference in your marriage

Contains many insightful (yet simple) ideas. Nothing too earth shattering, but there were still many "ah ha!" moments that weren't difficult to understand. The book just helps adjust your perspective in order to view things in the correct light and become a better husband and person in general. Very helpful.

If you're an agnostic or atheist this book probably isn't for you. A LOT of bible versus and explanations about God are used.

If you're a progressive or non-typical guy this book probably isn't for you. The author assumes old-school gender roles.

There is a lot of great info in the book, don't get me wrong. If you're okay with God and bible talk, and can get past the bits of sexism then you'll enjoy it.

Many reviewers state that this is the "guide for every man!" While I found many legitimate insights in this book, in agnostic and therefore many of the biblical principles are lost on me. I've studied the Bible, Torah, and Quran. I understand and appreciate organized religion and I am not an ignorant agnostic. I find I'm more versed in religion than most "believers".

If you can read through the continuous bias, this book offers many gems. I don't regret reading it for one moment. Compliment sandwhich! Great idea! but if I told my wife that she needs to see Jesus through my eyes or that I need to love her like how Christ loved the church, she'd laugh at me. We watch porn together and by ourselves. Our sex life is great.

Doug fields is a creationist. While this book is not at all related to the evolution or lack thereof, folks that think homosapiens have walked Earth for about 6,000 lose a lot of credibility with me.

Thank you Doug for writing the book. It's a solid read, by readers need to understand it is heavily biased towards religion.

Also, I listened to the audible book and dean gallagher is a superb reader. I'm going to find a few more of his reads and pick them up just because of him.

Doug Fields has been a pastor to teenagers and ministry leader for over 30 years. He received his MDiv from Fuller Theological Seminary; and for 18 years he was the youth and teaching pastor at Rick Warren's Saddleback Church. He is the author of several books, including this latest, 7 Ways To Be Her Hero.

To be fair, there have been numerous books printed on how to "date your wife" or to "rekindle the flame" in your marriage, so what's one more, right? Why did Doug write this book?

Well, this book is a brief collection of just seven pointers that if most men could remember it would help foster a much better relationship with their wives.

For instance:

1. Don't say everything you think

Our words tend to be biting and cutting and sometimes it's best to have an edit button.

2. But, say what is powerful.

Reserve your words for words of affection and words that will go far.

Doug writes as one of your buddies that you're sitting down to coffee with, he's the smiling pastor who counsels you and listens. He has a fun voice and tells great stories, but there is an underlying tone of wisdom and truth to his words that you know will go far.

Action 4 is: Go big with small things.

You've always heard it's the little things that count? Well, maybe there's some truth to that. Doug urges his readers to look at their wives and their marriage with new and fresh eyes and to notice the "small things."

Action 5 is: Be liberal with touch

And then Doug adds, "But not THAT way!" I think Men's first idea is to jump straight to heavy petting, making out and sex. But Doug reminds us that women still like to have their hand held, or their forearms stroked while sitting on the couch - again.... look for little gestures.

Ultimately we are to love our wives the way Christ loved the church and that is no small feat. Remember, Jesus died for his bride and so there should be no measure or limit to the distance we as husbands should go for our wives.

Great book - highly recommended! Thank you to Book Look & Thomas Nelson for this preview copy in exchange for a fair and honest review

Doug Fields admits right up front that his book "7 Ways to Be Her Hero" was originally going to be titled "How to Get All the Sex You Want" but that he thought that title might be somewhat off-putting to the women who were the likely buyers of his book (for their husbands, of course!). The book begins with reminders to husbands to stop chasing things (success, women, excitement, etc.) and turn their energies into becoming the best husbands they can be. He uses Biblical principles and ideas to emphasize the point that once married, husbands and wives form one heart and should try to treat each other with more respect and thoughtfulness, since what harms one harms the other as well.

The seven ways are each given their own chapters, with information and examples to explain each idea. Among the ideas that are explored are "Don't say everything you think" and "Put your pride aside." I really liked the way the author presented his ideas with reasons to back them up. For instance, he gives examples of situations in which the first temptation might be to say something which will be hurtful, or cause tensions to rise and how things like this might be better handled. Of course, it's easy to sit and read (and plan to act on) advice like this when not in the heat of the moment! Still, I think the ideas about being more thoughtful in our interactions is good advice.

Many of the chapters have a "B" section following. These sections deal with what to do when you (as the husband) feel that you are not the one with the problem that was discussed in the previous chapter. Sometimes, while not in the wrong, the way of dealing with character flaws in your spouse in such a way that won't exacerbate the situation. I enjoyed the way the book attempted to give men concrete ways to be more "heroic" to their wives, but also gave reasons as to why these actions will also be helpful to the men themselves in the long run.

Disclaimer: I received a copy of 7 Ways to Be Her Hero from BookLook Bloggers in exchange for this review

We are all chasing after something. For men, we chase after purpose, pride and passion. Those 3 things are often changing in priority in the chase, but they still remain our pursuit.

The problem is that we try to find those things in the following:

- Sports / fantasy leagues / recreational leagues / semi-pro leagues

- Hobbies / hunting / fishing / hunting / archery / shooting / golf

- Impulsive purchases / cars / boats / tools / atvs / toys

We are wanting to be the hero above all other men, so we pursue these things alongside of our comrades with the hope and idea that we will outdo them and leave them in our dust, even if it is done in the name of friendship and fellowship.

What if we stopped chasing after something unattainable and temporary and began chasing after the love and respect of our bride? Might she reciprocate the admiration, heroism, respect and love that we are seeking in these other frivolous pursuits? Might she esteem us in ways that our buddies simply cannot?

Men were created to lead their wives and others, but often we end up leaving our wives and others behind in our prideful pursuits. And we wonder why the home is often not our sanctuary? We wonder why their criticism brewing from our spouses? Perhaps it's because we aren't laying our lives down practically and spiritually for them.

This book will equip and encourage you to get off the wrong path of pursuits and onto the right pursuit, which will enrich you in ways that sports, hobbies and purchases simply can't and will never do.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own.

I had privilege of hearing Doug Fields speak a few years ago and have been a fan ever since. I was curious about this book, even though it is written to men, I wanted to see if I agreed with advice being given to women.

This book was exactly on target. I so appreciated SO many aspects of this book. To begin though I should warn you that Fields makes no apologies for writing this book in a very blunt, male slanted way. Each chapter is specific to an area of conversation that I believe every married man should consider and listen to. Each chapter also has a follow up chapter on how to discuss the area presented with your wife. For example, there is a chapter on being a good listener. The "b" chapter address what to do if it is your wife who is the one who needs to grow in listening. One reason I love that these "b" chapters are enclosed is that these chapter help guide any husband on how to lovingly confront their wife, and be a leader.

There also a lengthy section in the back of the book on what to discuss with your wife. Probably the most important chapter I felt was the discussion on Shepherding your Wife's Heart. This is not something I have found other marriage books have addressed in such a specific, Biblically based way.

I would not necessarily recommend this book for a man unless engaged, it is very specific to a marriage relationship.

Whether you're a hardcore reader or a sports-magazine-only type of reader, this is a book for you. It's interesting, it's to the point, it's practical, it's funny, it's useful, and it's short.

While his recomendations may seem really simplistic and not too deep, don't be fooled. Loving selflessly is not an easy task, and this book gives you ways to put your wife in front of yourself. It will confront your selfishness. It will point you to Jesus.

This book is great because it's spelt out so clearly. You aren't left wondering what you just read. Boom. There it is. Nice and simple.

Have you lost sight of the value of putting effort into your own marriage? Consider Doug's words:
“In marriage, when I wound or hurt or trample on my wife's heart, I am really doing the same to my own heart. Or the more positive way to look at it is this: when I enhance my spou8se's heart, I am really enhancing my own at the same time.”

You and your wife are one. You and your wife are to picture Christ and the church. That's a huge deal. This book could be the wakeup call you need. Read this book.

I recieved a complimentary copy of this book courtesy of Booklook Bloggers.

Doug Fields acknowledges a couple of things in 7 Ways to be Her Hero and it surprised me that he admitted them. One of them is that husbands suck, they know they suck, and they just want to suck less. The other is that men generally don't read books and probably did not buy this book; it was probably purchased for them by their wives. I join the author in hoping that husbands read this book.

I must say that 7 Ways to be Her Hero is not typical of the books written for Christian husbands that I have read so far. It's much better. Other books tell men that they should be egotistical, leading with an iron fist because God made them better than women and put them in charge for that reason. Any book that even hints at that is useful for propping up crooked tables and not much else. This one was a breath of fresh air—and humorous, too. It's written the way guys talk, and it's a fast and easy read.

This book tells husbands that they should be humble, not egotistical, and that they should lead carefully and quietly, with tenderness and consideration, not run roughshod over their wives. God did not make men any better than women, and Doug Fields makes this fact clear in this book. If husbands will only read this book and do what it says, the steps and the attitude presented in this book could change the culture of our country as a whole and especially the culture in the Church (in my experience, American Christian men treat their wives worse than non-Christians treat their wives).

Doug fields calls husbands to stop being egotistical jerks and be real husbands instead—the kind of men God created and called them to be. That's something most wives can get behind.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookLook Bloggers <http://booklookbloggers.com> book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 <http://www.access.gpo.gov/nara/cfr/waisidx_03/16cfr255_03.html> : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Title: 7 Ways to Be Her Hero

Author: Doug Fields

Publisher: Thomas Nelson

What It's About: 7 Ways to Be Her Hero

Why I Read It: I've read Doug Fields' books on youth ministry in the past, and I was interested in what he had to say about marriage.

What I Liked About It: Fields is gut-honest throughout the book, and that's what makes the book so great to read. He uses humor throughout, but he's also very serious about what husbands can do to better serve their wives. One area that he covers in the book, that I also struggle with often as a husband, is the power of a husband's words, especially encouraging words to his wife. Another area that is vital is the husband's role of shepherding his wife's heart. This book is all about being a better husband and leading your wife closer to Jesus.

Review copy provided by Book Look Bloggers

Divided into 10 chapters, Doug begins with the appropriate chapter title of stop chasing the wind and start chasing your wife. Here, he lays down the gauntlet of what is necessary if you are to truly be the hero in your wife’s life. The second chapter looks at the foundation of the relationship.

Chapters 3-9 offer the seven actions each man must consider when it comes to loving and serving his wife. I can say that most of it has to do with your keeping your mouth shut! The final action is the need to shepherd your wife’s heart. Doug appropriately concludes the book with a chapter on Christ setting the example for the men by loving His Church to the point of dying for her. Men are expected to do the same.

7 Ways to be Her Hero is pretty straight forward. Doug pulls no punches and offers some pretty straight talk on a somewhat difficult, though always timely, subject. I would have liked there to have been more gospel and perhaps the last two chapters being the first two chapters, but Doug’s audience is a bit different.

Since Doug is writing to an extremely wide and ecumenical audience, he paints with broad strokes. He also uses what I would consider fairly crass language though not by today’s standards. For example, the second chapter is entitled “How it got laid” and he claims to be intentional about the double entendre. Granted this will help sell books, but I do believe it should cause one to pause when considering what is being advised in this work.

In the end, his advice is fairly practical and helpful. The discerning reader will see past the silliness and get to the heart of the issue in loving his wife.

I can recommend this work because it is rooted in Scripture and it does offer many solid conversation points among guys. This is a great starting point for men, but, if they will want to take the next step, they will want to read those who have plumbed the deep theological depths of marriage and being a husband.

Even though the book is geared towards men and not women, I found it to be insightful on both sides. Doug Fields really related to what women want in their husbands, and guides men as to why they should seek this kind of connection, and how to do it. His discussions are honest, frank, and sprinkled with a bit of humor in areas.
He does, however, make men out to be a bit “piggish” in his assessments. He focuses in on a man’s desire for sex from his wife, and the negative aspects of being a man. He discusses in the early chapters the benefits of some of these attributes such as men’s competitive drive, but looses it towards the end when he begins to delve into areas of sexual immorality. He discusses a group of men riding on their bikes, and one man cat-calling a woman who was inappropriately attired. He doesn’t make mention that men are visual, that their vision in that context is to be channeled to their wives, etc. It is seen as more humorous in nature as is all sexual references.
While he discusses non-sexual touching, the book is loaded with sexual references throughout. While the purpose is to grab a man’s attention, you have to wonder if it is completely necessary to turn a man’s attention to sex while knowing that even as he reads his mind is probably flooded with sexual thoughts that he may not be able to do anything about.
Men will like the book. It is very direct, and simple. It reads like a “how to” manual on how to fix/improve your marriage. It identified the issue, and then tells you how to solve it. Women will like it because his assessments are perfectly correct as to what women want in their husbands. It is a very basic book, with very basic information, but very poignant information.

Doug Fields' newest book -- 7 Ways to be Her Hero: The One Your Wife has Been Waiting For -- is a good attempt to hammer home important points regarding what we, as men, must do in order to lead our wives (and ultimately our homes). He spends the first couple of chapters as an introductory piece and lays out his overall approach, and he completes the thesis by establishing the 7 actions that men must take to become the hero their wives want. While this book does have some value for open-minded men to glean, it has significant shortcomings as well.

The author writes with a tongue-in-cheek style and readily admits that choice. At one point, he says that ultra-conservative folks should put the book down because they may be offended with some of his off-handed remarks. I found that approach or admission rather strange because the author then alienates a potentially good sized audience. In reading the book, I did not see anything offensive; however, the stylistic treatment seemed to cheapen them -- as if they were not as serious as he said in his introduction. Yes, you can have fun with a book but that "fun" can take too much away from the topic if not balanced appropriately. From my perspective, there is not a proper balance.

Perhaps my biggest gripe with the book is found in the middle portion of the book. The author advises men to incorporate the "sandwich method" of sharing a real, authentic and relevant conversation about issues. For those of you that do not know, the "sandwich method" is where you say something nice, slip in the issue, and then close with something nice. I am aghast that he would ever suggest such an approach because that format is not real or authentic. Knowing that men and women differ on conversation -- women seek to wage the entire campaign whereas men like the surgical strike method -- this suggestion seems to fit the men's perspective rather than being heroic (which IS the title of his book). The better approach would be to utilize tools such as "Fierce Conversations" (Google Susan Scott) or "Crucial Conversations" (Google VitalSmarts) to truly be heroic for the woman that you love and want to lead.

The list of individuals providing "praise" for the book is impressive, but I just view the book as a meager effort. Field's book pales in comparison to other stronger reads (such as Stu Weber's Tender Warriors which I highly recommend), and for that reason, I'm giving it an "okay" rating. An "A" for effort is not sufficient, in my opinion, when such a topic is desperately needed in our modern culture.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookLookBloggers.com review program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

OK, OK.. yes, we all know that men are slobbering idiots who only care about sex and that all wives are superior to husbands and men suck. The author approaches the entire book with this as the assumed truth, including the sections where he is suppposed to be talking to husbands where the wife needs to work on a life skill more than the husband. Add in the juvenile and (not funny) jokes inserted every paragraph or so and you have a book that appears to be written by a horny sixth grader who just hit puberty. This book is insulting to men and women in marriages as it assumes the man is always at fault and automatically needs to make up for this genetic lack of self awareness. Mind blowing how denigrating this book is to men and disrespectful to wives. Mix in the very basic advice given and this book belongs in the recycle bin at best. Any person who is learning something new from this book on a meaningful level must have gone through life with blinders on. The author throws in a few cherry picked Bible verses, mostly from the writings of Paul and Proverbs. Any Christian who has done a cursory review of the Bible should be familiar with these verses. Bottom line, any man capable of an intelligent thought beyond an 8th grade level should feel offended by the delivery and tone of this insulting mess of a book. The topper is the huge ego on display by the author throughout. This ego trip is boring and condescending and unbearable by the middle of the book. Stay away from this steaming heap of nonsense.

OK, OK.. yes, we all know that men are slobbering idiots who only care about sex and that all wives are superior to husbands and men suck. The author approaches the entire book with this as the assumed truth, including the sections where he is suppposed to be talking to husbands where the wife needs to work on a life skill more than the husband. Add in the juvenile and (not funny) jokes inserted every paragraph or so and you have a book that appears to be written by a horny sixth grader who just hit puberty. This book is insulting to men and women in marriages as it assumes the man is always at fault and automatically needs to make up for this genetic lack of self awareness. Mind blowing how denigrating this book is to men and disrespectful to wives. Mix in the very basic advice given and this book belongs in the recycle bin at best. Any person who is learning something new from this book on a meaningful level must have gone through life with blinders on. The author throws in a few cherry picked Bible verses, mostly from the writings of Paul and Proverbs. Any Christian who has done a cursory review of the Bible should be familiar with these verses. Bottom line, any man capable of an intelligent thought beyond an 8th grade level should feel offended by the delivery and tone of this insulting mess of a book. The topper is the huge ego on display by the author throughout. This ego trip is boring and condescending and unbearable by the middle of the book. Stay away from this steaming heap of nonsense.

The way Doug writes is amazing. I have never been a big reader but this big changed all that. I flew through it in 2 days and learned so much. I also laughed out loud several times. Definitely worth the read to any man looking to improve and build upon his marriage.

This is an incredibly important book for me, like me, who need some help loving the woman they love. It's written with men in mind and is great to read alone. But, even more, I can't wait to read it and learn with other men in my church. Fantastic job from a fantastic guy, Doug Fields!