Monsters Eat Whiny Children

Sometimes deciding what to make for dinner is the hardest part of the day. This is true even for monster who are planning to turn human children into the main ingredient of it.

The premise of this tale caught my attention immediately. I’ve always loved children’s fiction that has a dark side, especially if it includes the horror genre in a playful way. The best moments of Eve and Henry’s adventures were the ones that showed what can happen to kids who refuse to stop whining. Not only were they funny, they taught an important message about communicating your needs without whining.

Most of this jokes in this book seemed to be geared to adults instead of kids. For example, one of the monsters decided against baking the children into a cake because she was worried about her bottom being too large and she didn’t want to gain any more weight. This isn’t something that most children think about at all, so it was strange to me to see it included in something that was otherwise written for them.

All of the kitchen accidents made me giggle. Cooking, baking, or grilling a delicious dinner isn’t always as easy as it may seem. It turned out that monsters are no better at any of this stuff than the average person is, so there were plenty of mishaps along the way as they decided how they should prepare the human children they’d just caught.

Monsters Eat Whiny Children is a good choice for anyone who loves snarky fiction.

originally posted at long and short reviews

I had high hopes for this story, but it's painfully-trite. There's some extremely good children's lit with this theme, and it's obvious the author was simply playing off the popularity of other such titles. Give this one a pass . . . it had not a single entertaining moment. It's just too self-consciously ironic to be of any interest to a child: it's for parents to say, "Tee-hee, isn't this edgy, we're reading our child books about monsters eating them!"

Plot holes you could drive a truck through. If you have a kid who wouldn't pick up on them, you probably should have them tested. Better yet, have this author banned from writing for children: he's obviously never seen a child in his life.

Monsters Eat Whiny Children is a very funny book reminiscent of classic fairy tales (you know, the Grimm kind - not the Disney kind). Young Henry and Eve (who are portrayed as pretty monsterly themselves) can't stop whining. Even when their father warns them that monsters eat whiny children, they keep right on... When the monsters do come and steal them away, they find themselves stuck in the monster's lair on the bad side of town while the monsters argue about how to eat them. The monsters bickering about whether they want Indian food, how making a salad is a waste of perfectly whiny children and even how one can't eat desserts because her bottom is too big is priceless. This will make a great read aloud that is sure to get lots of laughs. I won't be using it for preschoolers - I don't think their sense of satire has developed enough for this one yet. I wouldn't hesitate to use it for any early elementary school classroom. There's plenty of opportunity for lots of different voices and even a lesson to be learned. Well maybe...

My only reservation about the book is the illustrations. They are very simplistic and look more like they belong on the op/ed page than in a children's book. Sure they are effective in telling the story, but I just can't help wonder what this one would have been like with some illustrations that were a bit more lavish. Still a great choice for any kid ages 5 and up who likes a good monster tale. Recommended.

This book is hysterical. My 5 yo, 9yo, and husband liked it as well. It made my husband laugh when I was just telling him about the book. This is a great gift for your cool friends with kids. The humor is geared toward adults, but sharp kids can enjoy it, too. My favorite lines are, "Why does everything have to be so hard?" And, "Sometimes it's so hard to figure out if you're in the mood for Indian food." I just picked this book randomly from the library because I liked the cover and was surprised by how funny it was, and then I read the author's bio and it made sense. It's definitely edgy, so it won't be for some parents.

I read this to my son. He still whines, but we enjoyed the book anyways. It's less tedious than other children's books that I've read to my kids in that this one is written just as much for the adults who are reading it. Funny, lighthearted, honest. I related to the monster's wife being annoyed that they decided on barbecue, because it meant she had to clean the grill. Who hasn't been there??

Monsters Eat Whiny Children continues on with the growing clever number of children's picture book titles that make both adults and kids pick them up off the shelf, while meanwhile they create a bit controversy as the vocal minority of extremist belief parents who believe in sheltering their fragile children from the real world cry for its removal from those shelves. Bruce Kaplan's picture book certainly achieves those objectives, but once you open the book does it deliver the goods. I'd have to say it falls a bit short. It's readable, but I think it struggles to decide who exactly it is targeting, adult readers or child readers and has settled somewhere in the middle, thereby not really satisfying either. The illustrations for a start are very basic, what you see on the cover is as good and colourful as they get on the pages inside. There's the odd bit of colouring in of a parts of a cake or a toy, but for the most part the images are just black pen outlines. The monsters don't look scary, funny or, well even like monsters, they pretty much just look like adults which make the whole abducting these kids angle a bit scarier.

The story's plot itself is basically a retelling of the old Hansel and Gretel tale, except this time the kids are abducted from their house instead of having stumbled upon a house of candy in the woods. The story is just a heap of different adults, who are neighbours of the abductor or family members, arguing over the best meal to make now that they have these whiny kids ingredients in their possession. The ingredients and meals apart from a cake and burgers though, aren't simple things most child readers will know from having eaten themselves or been exposed to in other children's stories. Vindaloo, cilantro, paprika are just a few examples. The text is pretty lengthy too for a kids' book when talking about each meal scenario.

Yet the book holds back if the target market was adults and the intention is to be a parody of a kids book like Go the F to Sleep. Monsters Eat Whiny Children does have the odd funny moment that kids or adults who are forced to have a family gathering with relatives they don't really want to spend time with can relate to, such as the old lady who spits while she talks and the wife who can't eat sugar because she says her bottom is too big. But there's not enough of these moments to make you want to pass it on as a must read to your friends, especially those who don't read much.

"Once there were two perfectly delightful children who were going through a TERRIBLE phase, which is to say they whined ALL day and night."

so begins Monsters Eat Whiny Children

Henry and Eve were warned by their father that monsters eat whiny children, but they didn't believe it, so they continued to whine. So along comes a monster who stole them away to his lair on the bad side of town.

What happens next is that the monsters all have different ideas about the best meal to make out of Henry and Eve.......a whiny-child salad for dinner? other monster neighbors had other ideas.......whiny - child burgers, cake, Indian food? The monsters finally agree on simple whiny-child cucumber sandwiches on fluffy white bread.

However, before the monsters get a chance to enjoy their agreed upon whiny-child meal, the children find a way to escape, finding their way back home and hopefully learning a valuable lesson.

A cute cautionary tale with great cartoon style drawings in mostly black and white, peppered with pastels. The book is written and illustrated by the author who draws cartoons for the New Yorker magazine, and has also written for the television shows Seinfeld and Six Feet Under. The book is intended for ages preschool - grade 3, however, like Hansel and Gretal, Little Red Riding Hood, and other children's books with a villain in the picture, the story needs to be explained in a way that younger children are not frightened by this tale. RECOMMENDED

I got this book as a joke mostly, but after reading it I realized that it was appropriate for my daughter as well. It's well written and funny. Both my husband and myself got a good chuckle out of it. (Spoiler alert - the kids don't get eaten in the end, so my daughter likes it too)

I actually got this originally for my son (ten years old) to read, as a bit of therapy for when his three year-old sister gets on his nerves. I wasn't planning on reading it to her, since I thought it would be too scary. He liked it, but told me repeatedly that she would like it even more. Score one for my boy here; she thought it was hilarious, and wasn't scared at all. I think it worked because I already say lots of made up silly things to her that she knows aren't true, so Daddy "kidding" is already old hat. The author draws many cartoons for The New Yorker; if you have a liking for that kind of humor and think your child has inherited it, this is well worth a try.

This is a hilarious book. My five year-old laughs every time we read it. The story is simple, the jokes are good, the drawings are fabulous! The reviewer above clearly is looking at this book literally, but goodness know that a little dark humor is fun for kids! Look at the very popular TRUE STORY OF THE THREE LITTLE PIGS and SHREK (the story, not the movie.) Nothing but good fun in MONSTERS EAT WHINY CHILDREN.

Who could not give this book 5 stars? Who has not old their children things like this, but without such edge-of-your seat tension? Will the children be eaten in a salad? The map alone requires five stars.

My almost 4 year old son and I love this book. It is such fun to read out loud with funny monster voices. Yes, if taken literally it is scary but it is a silly satire and refreshing. Two big thumbs up.

It's no wonder this book was written by a Seinfeld writer. Somehow this book had both my children and myself giggling our way through. It's witty, clever and a great read. The bonus map on the end pages is a riot...Good read!

My kids love satire. This can't be taken seriously, and the title alone makes it worth buying this book. "Monsters Eat Whiny Children"! Hahahahahahaha

Now if I could only convince my children!

admittedly, i havent read this book, but the title alone tells me i would love it. i cant buy it though because i fear that i wouldnt be able to alleviate my hopes that the title was actually true. sometimes i really wish that monsters WOULD eat my whiney children. haha

This book is NOT for children. Be aware this is the author's first book for children and he wrote for Seinfeld and Six Feet Under. The illustrations are very disturbing from an adult perspective and downright scary from a kiddo's perspective. In addition, the story is not well written and essentially tries to scare kids into not whining. Lastly, he dedicates this to the two children in the book, which may be his children?!? If so, the story and the illustrations seem to be written from an angry parent to their irritating children.

As a children's librarian I can tell you this book is totally inappropriate for children under 9. Children take things very literally, and to suggest to a child (bedtime story from hell) that they could get eaten by monsters for whining, or anything else, is not only irresponsible, it is also cruel. Parents may think it funny (who hasn't been driven bonkers by whining?) But this is right up there with threatening to leave your kids behind if they don't get in the car.... and other mean-spirited ways of manipulating children's behavior. The book is not funny, and isn't cute or in any way enjoyable. Luckily our library copy just happens to fall alphabetically at the very bottom of the shelf, and I always give it a little shove back hoping no unsuspecting parents pick it up for their innocents. A terrible book, probably written by someone who has never had kids of their own.

This book is absolutely terrible for children. I bought it thinking it would have some redeeming message in it for kids. It doesn't. Neither the monsters nor the children in this book learn any lessons. The story itself scared my 5 year old daughter. It is basically about monsters that kidnap children and plot various ways to kill and eat them while the children watch. It is what I imagine a serial killer might force a victim to do. I would not recommend this book to anyone with or without children. It takes a seriously disconnected person to write this book or publish it.