One Woman's Journey into Manhood and Back Again - Self-Made Man

I don't think anyone but an intelligent lesbian could have lived and objectively observed life as a man.

A man would not be the necessary outsider.

A heterosexual woman would not be able to be the necessary outsider who can critique how women pander to and enable men to be men. She would be too self-invested. Well, maybe a merciless, comedian-type could have.

I unfortunately never got the chance to finish this book. The concept of it made me instantly intregued. I can always find an instance in history where a man dressed as a woman for some type of crazy antics but no one really stepped and went in the other direction for sheer research, not a comedy. Norah Vincent is a gifted writer, and I can't wait to have the time to sit down and pull the bookmark out of this book. Thank goodness for the invention of tablets, this one will be on-the-go with me once my Kindle arrives.

Her observations pertain to a selected demographic, blue-collar men, so her conclusions/assessments are limited. However, I suggest the book for those interested in an engaging read about the limitations of masculinity. While patriarchy negatively affects women by way of sexism, Vincent clearly demonstrates that it also curtails men's ability to live out authentic identities.

I realize this book was written some ten years ago, but there's very little excuse for what Vincent did (including people in her "social experiment" without consent, which is unethical in an of itself) or her attitude regarding people in general.

She leads women into romantic encounters, and only reveals herself as a woman when she has her hand up their shirts--and then proceeds to have sex with them anyway, instead of introducing her dates to the idea in a less sexually charged environment. Later, these women avoid her, uncomfortable with their brush with lesbianism. Vincent seems generally nonplussed with this, like she believes, on some level, that everyone is at least bisexual and genitals don't matter.

Her condescending attitude towards those of a lower social status is disgusting, like she's vacationing among the natives and finds their candor oh-so refreshing!

Then there's her treatment of transgender people. She only mentions "transsexuals" in order to clarify (over and over) that she isn't one. She even references Brandon Teena (the real life transgender victim of rape and murder) as Teena Brandon and uses female pronouns when discussing his case.

On top of all that, she takes a woe-is-me attitude when she has a mental breakdown after her experiment ends. Yeah, just ask any trans person how we feel on a day to day basis. But we can't exactly check ourselves into mental health resorts for rich journalists, can we?

Meh. Had to read it for college. It's captivating at first, but Norah can be kind of long winded about her experiment. This was supposed to be an undercover journalist story, but Jones is by no means a journalist (I actually work in the industry as a photojourn). Fun read about a social science experiment and not much else.

With "Self-Made Man", Norah Vincent charts the lonely topography of male socialization, and issues a bleak report. Men, she says, live straitjacketed lives within a pathetically stunted range of emotion.

You would think that'd be a hard pill to swallow, but Vincent is such an ingratiating writer and the idea of a woman researching men by impersonating one is something that can't help but ignite curiosity. The book jacket blurb says that Norah Vincent is following in the footsteps of John Howard Griffin (a white writer who blackened his skin to write about discrimination in the South), but in truth I think it's more apt to say that Vincent is following in the steps of Billy Tipton, a woman musician who impersonated a man so successfully that she married more than once and adopted children, without ever being detected.***

Norah Vincent didn't go the full distance and investigate the roles of husband and father, but she wrote a compelling and honest book full of clear-eyed descriptive prose. Some reviewers have complained that Vincent only described a narrow range of male experience: a bowling league, bars for exotic dancing, a monastery, a sales firm run by "alpha male" philosophy, Robert Bly-inspired therapy retreats....but Vincent is such a keen observer that despite the limited scope of these experiences she reaped an enormous amount of insight.

My only complaint with the book is the guilty way that Vincent nearly always feels compelled to reveal her ruse to those she deceived, as if she was doing segments for "Candid Camera". I think the reason she felt compelled to reveal herself and apologize was a need to emphasize that she was an ethical person.

There were a number of books like this in the 1970's, honest explorations of sexual politics. In the intervening years, political correctness (on the Left) and conservatism (on the Right) stifled the feminist spirit that inspired such efforts. But in these postmodern times of "genderization", books as forthright and well-intentioned as Vincent's are sorely needed.

Forget the comparisons to Camille Paglia and Christina Hoff Sommers. Norah Vincent has a few things in common with Paglia, but not much at all with Sommers. In her tone, Vincent is much closer to Germaine Greer (a down-to-earth feminist with few pretensions), and it's always refreshing to come across open-minded and conscientious treatments of male/female relationships.

*** Since Vincent emphasizes in the book that she is completely happy as a woman, and would never be a candidate for gender change, I felt somewhat vindicated in my opinion that Billy Tipton may similarly have had no need to surgically become a man (which was not a possibility during her lifetime, anyway). It is better not to cloud these kind of accounts with transgender issues, when there is no compelling reason to invoke them. I applaud Vincent's intelligence in recognizing this.

This is quite easily one of the best (and thought-provoking) books I've read this year. I think we can all benefit from the research that Norah Vincent decided to do regarding gender role differences.

In brief, Vincent decided (after a night going in drag) that it might be interesting to see how a man lives... as an insider. She spent the next several months bulking up her muscles, studying how men talk and move, and crafting a disguise that included realistically-fake facial hair and a plastic phallus lovingly named "Sloppy Joe"... and "Ned Vincent" was born. She took very masculine-heavy sales jobs, 'infiltrated' a male bowling league, went on the dating scene as a male, and even went into a Catholic monastery (to be among only men).

This book is journalistic recount of that experience, broken up in chapters by subject - one chapter on her experience dating, one on employment as a man, another on the experience in the monastery, etc. She learned many things about how in some ways males are privileged, and in others, females are; privilege, it seems, doesn't go one way only. In employment situations, for instance, Vincent noticed that she was taken much more seriously as a male than she likely would have been as a female (you don't have to apologize when you are male). In other situations, like dating, Vincent noticed that men have the burden, being expected to be stoic provider, and the one who makes the first move when in the dating scene (where women are the courted).

Another interesting thing Vincent learned about manhood is those hidden social rules about men and how/when they can show emotion. Generally speaking, men keep emotion (particularly of weakness and vulnerability) locked in even in situations (hanging out with friends) where women are usually socially "allowed" to freely express it. In one situation, Vincent "came out" as a women to a male bowling buddy, upon which she noticed that this once quiet friend started really opening up about tragic events in his life; the difference between him talking to Ned and him talking to Norah.

Lastly, a really interesting find was Norah's discussion about what it means to be masculine and how the standard is different from women to men. Norah is a lesbian who is somewhat masculine in appearance. She noticed that when living as Norah, she often gets comments about how masculine she is. But when living as Ned, she often found out that friends gossiped about how feminine Ned was (even hypothesizing that he was gay). What is "masculine" for a woman is "feminine" for a man (and I am guessing vice versa).

One part sociology, one part really good journalistic story, this book will change the way you look at gender and gender roles. It makes the unseen and often taken-for-granted seen. Not only a great story, but indirectly, a really good commentary.

This book is brutally honest - about men, women, feminists, and social situations.

Norah was raised as a Feminist. She had their beliefs. She saw Misogyny everywhere. Saw men as both animals and as unworthy of power. Like most women who had gender studies, she didn't even think of men as Humans with Actual Feelings and Needs. Men were conquerors, abusers, rapists, oppressors, and emotionally inept.

She referred to Heterosexuality as Male Sexuality, and considered Male Sexuality to be the same as Misogyny. Saw the dating world as exploiting females. Saw strip clubs as fantasies for men, and abusive of women. She saw women as innocent victims of patriarchal abuse and neglect.

Throughout her time disguised as a man she learned how wrong all that is. All her deepest beliefs were torn apart, and she had re-evaluated everything. She had a complete breakdown for awhile.

The insight this provided about how males and females interact is intense.

At the lowest end: Many women are revolted by their boobs and entire anatomy. It's not that they're not pretty, they're attractive to males. It's that they despise their own bodies, and hate their Own Femaleness. Those women have relentless contempt for men, because Men value what they hate - the female form. To those women, men's need for women is nothing but a tool for exploiting men.

The men at the lowest end know how much those women detest themselves and male attention. Still they can't help it. No matter how unstable and hostile females are, the need for females is hardwired into their bodies. Men always physically need women, and many despise themselves for that.

At the lowest end. Men and women have a mutually abusive cycle of self loathing, contempt, and exploitation.

Next is the single life, the hook up life: Women and Men go to clubs or bars. If it works out they spend a night together, then go their separate ways. The women however are quite closed off. They've placed themselves behind emotional walls, like the proverbial princess in the tower, forcing men to storm the castle. They make themselves look great, to lure men in, and then give men rejection after rejection. Even the players or ladies men get rejected about 9 out of 10 times. The repeated rejections are exasperating, humiliating, and/or crushing. All that for a single night of comfort and companionship.

Then the dating world: Many women aren't ready for a relationship. They don't let go of their previous relationships. They hold their experiences with men against the one they're dating. They don't see men as individuals, or a new relationship as a thresh start. They have their ideas of various ways "Men are Scum", and are constantly trying put each man into such categories. Mentally and emotionally, many women haven't any idea how to be alone with any man. They don't know how to value men, or be valued by men.

Then comes relationships and/or marriage: Women often claim men don't meet their emotional needs. Norah learned what that means. Modern women have countless expectations of what they want/need from men. The strongest examples are: 1) wanting men to be confident but not arrogant - in other words, rejecting men for either strength or weakness. 2) Many women simultaneously want men to fulfill their traditional role and to accept Feminist beliefs. Basically women have impossible and contradictory expectations of/from men. Faced with that something has to give, and often it's honesty that does. Men love their wives, but often can't be truthful with them.

Finally Norah's journey into teams and male support groups revealed men's current state. After having been raised with both Feminist views of men and the traditional roles of males, countless men are tied in emotional knots. They're so lost they don't have any way to understand or express their feelings. They simultaneously see themselves through the proverbs or "Holding up the World" and "Pushing a Boulder up the Hill".

An enlightening account of what it really means to be a man in our society—the good and the bad. This book goes on my list of books everyone over 16 should read. I expected Vincent to be surprised by how not-green it is on the other side, but I was the one whose eyes were most opened. She passed as a man for 18 months and learned that trying to change something as ingrained as gender is dangerous to one’s mental health—she had a breakdown and checked into a hospital to recover. Her methodology was to break down the different aspects of daily life—friendship, dating, sex, work, etc and then found ways to most fully experience those aspects. My personal favourite section was when she spent three weeks at a monastery. One of the most fascinating things was that when Vincent stopped wearing her drag (beard, binding) people still saw her as a man proving that people will accept you for what you present yourself to be.

Norah Vincent spent 18 months pretending to be a man. She adopted the persona of "Ned" to see what life was like on the other side of the gender line, becoming a man to gain entree into male-only establishments--a monastery, a men's bowling league. But even in environments that aren't exclusively male--strips clubs and a sales office, for example--being a man allowed Jones to experience interactions very differently from what she was used to as a woman. She came away from the experience with a lot of guilt--because she'd spent a year and a half deceiving people, including women she dated in her guise as Ned--and in fact the whole business ended with her suffering a nervous breakdown. But she also gleaned some insight into the male condition. In short, men struggle with their sexual urges and their masculine identities whether they're truck drivers or monks, they are enormously burdened by the responsibilities and expectations imposed on them by society, and at the same time they are unable to express their feelings about all of this because they are emotionally stifled. Maybe nothing very new here, but Jones wound up feeling a great deal of empathy for men, and I gather that is not what she expected to feel going into the experiment. I came away from the book thinking that I might understand men a little more than I did before. On the other hand, I'm not sure that Vincent's experiences can really amount to a representative cross-section of the male experience. If a man similarly went undercover and set out to experience life as a female, I very much doubt that his forays into, say, beauty shops and modeling agencies and a convent would give him a taste of what my life is like. Still, an interesting read, and I'm certainly impressed with Vincent's courage in going undercover as she did.

-- Debra Hamel

This book was engaging enough that it went fast. Vincent is witty. I found valuable lessons in her experience; mainly, I gained a sense of empathy for the male experience. But more often than not I found myself feeling like Vincent was putting womyn down to uplift men. Her tone was misogynist at times. I give this book three stars, because I find that it promotes totalizing views of feminists and it espouses essentialist ideas about people.

This book both fascinated and surprised me in a couple of ways. Here were the ups and downs of it to me:

1. It's just a plain fascinating social experiment, that she takes to the Nth degree.
It's amazing that she never gets "outed" when she takes on her role as Ned infiltrating various societies of men, except when she "outs" herself. (though her status as a lesbian who wasn't attracted to them to begin with probably helped).

2. WOW!She picks some pretty interesting male sub-societies to infilitrate.
An all-male monastery, a men's bowling league, an uber-macho group of salesmen, strip tease clubs and a male support group all become one of her targets. Each makes a fascinating look into these male-dominated sub-cultures as much as into the male psyche.

3. Norah by training is a journalist and philosopher. The philosophizing parts are less interesting than the actual reporting of her experimentation.
Norah's overall conclusions - that men have a tougher time than she thought because they're raised to not share emotions, be tough, manly and responsible - aren't all that eye-opening. But, how they show these in their daily lives and interactions are what makes the book shine. And, at least the book isn't a male-basher.

4. I wished she'd had a little more humor and grace, but she does take the whole experiment to heart.
Norah takes her experiment very seriously. She invests herself with the plights of the men with whom she surrounds herself. However, telling men she's befriended as a man that she's a woman often comes across as a bad April Fools joke on them so that she can get some personal drama. It gets even worse when she dates women pretending to be a man, and then reveals it to one of them she's been dating awhile. All of these "outings" come across as mostly a way for her to get some personal drama and deal with her own internal issues.

Bottom Line: Even where I didn't necessarily agree with how she handles it, I give her lots of credit for the extent she went in this experiment. If you like to read about strange social experiments - this should be on your must read list.

One of the most impressive books I have ever read is Black Like Me by John Howard Griffin. Following Mr. Griffin as he moved across his day's color line to see how his skin color changed the reactions he experienced created a searing memory for me. It was my respect for that book that brought me to Self-Made Man.

Norah Vincent's transformation from tall gay woman into a somewhat effeminate appearing man provides a very powerful reading experience as well. You have both gender and sexual orientation differences here to deal with. I admire her thoroughness and courage. The disguise preparations were extensive (down to a simulated beard and false frontal appendage), training in how to walk and talk, and research into male culture.

Many people would have been satisfied with taking on easy challenges: Ms. Vincent clearly pushed herself. She went into environments where many men wouldn't feel fully comfortable: a bowling team of friends while having little skill; working class stripper bars; dating women who have been hurt and haven't recovered; staying at a monastery; working in door-to-door sales; and a men's retreat. As a result, you see many dimensions of social class and religious differences as well.

Her observations obviously reflect who she is. She longed to build real connections to the people she fooled, but suffered from a great fear of a hostile reaction. Instead, people accepted her for who she appeared to be and were gracious when she revealed the end of her masquerade.

In her writing, I only noticed a few false notes. Some of what she's trying to experience probably depends in part on hormonal reactions so I'm not sure she fully grasped the stripper scene (but how could she?). In other places, I found the descriptions to be a little over-intellectualized.

Ms. Vincent paid a big price for her research, suffering a breakdown as her identity became blurred with her artificial role. I'm sorry that she had that problem. I suspect it's indirect testimony to the fact that we cannot be our best unless we live life as ourselves.

I found an unexpected benefit of the book was to see how a gay woman sees men so the perspective is a two-way street for many.

I suspect that many people would gain even more from this book is they went out and experienced some of these activities for themselves to have another point of perspective.

Impressive and thought-provoking!

One of the most interesting questions that can be asked is "What is life like for others?" We so often and naively assume that our experience of being human unites us--but so often our differences divide us even more deeply. Norah Vincent explores the world of gender by masquerading as a man for a year and a half (on and off), and comes to the conclusion "that there is at bottom really no such thing as that mystical unifying creature we call a human being, but only male human beings and female human beings as separate as sects." Overstatement? No doubt, and certainly Vincent qualifies her statement by adding that she 'almost believes' it, but there is a truth to the deep divisions between people. Just as John Howard Griffin did some 40 years earlier, in Black Like Me, Vincent lived a new life she was unprepared for, one that was difficult and dangerous and an incredible mental challenge. And just as Griffin's, Vincent's revelations are deep and profound. To a man, some of these seem obvious, but others not, and still others we would prefer not to admit. Light is shown on both sides of the gender divide; as Vincent's amazement at aspects of the world of men reveal how the world of women is so different. Self-Made Man exposes only a fraction of the possible experience of manhood, and Vincent readily admits this in the beginning. Had Vincent mingled with a wider variety of men her observations might have been different--she seems to have mixed with almost exclusively less affluent, less educated men. Perhaps, though, the braggadocio would have been no different--consider Donald Trump's ego. Vincent seemed too willing to 'out' herself; there almost seemed a self-congratulatory attitude of 'look how well I fooled you" which she readily admits, and I often felt that the moral thing to do was not reveal her deception--but admittedly, that's a man's perception. Regardless of its few flaws, I found Self-Made Man a real revelation, fascinating throughout, and I think it should be required reading right along with Black Like Me.

I was immediately impressed with the self-awareness imbued in author Nora Vincent, which is perhaps ironic given that her "self" is, in fact, a front she pulls off for an entire year and a half. During the time she lives as a man, she observes the behavior of men in context to dating, religion, solidarity, and of course, sexuality.

To me, the first chapters of the book were undoubtedly the most interesting. Her observations of sexuality are remarkably insightful, namely her points on the fluidity of gender and sexual attraction. Despite society being quick to slap labels like 'man,' 'woman,' 'straight,' 'gay' or 'bisexual' she demonstrates through her own experiences those fuzzy gray lines which often go unexplored. Her seduction of Sara, a supposed 'straight' woman is a great illustration of society's inhibitions on issues of sexuality that are largely due to nurture vs nature. Without societal constraints, I truly believe more people would be receptive to their own blurred sexuality which Nora proves is a spectrum instead of a clear-cut line. The rest of the chapters discuss the society's unspoken (and largely misunderstood) primordial rules of manhood. Such rules exist in parenting, camaraderie, and the work force.

One thing in which I delighted was the sense of sympathy for men. She does so in a non-condescending, observant manner which endeared Vincent to the reader. She writes in awe and pity of the difficulty men face living up to society's high expectations. I too consider myself a feminist but this book revised my way of thinking. Previously, I looked at my male coworkers' mobility in the workforce with such envy and admittedly, begrudgment. Coupled with their impression of career equalling self worth, however, I wouldn't trade my gender for the world. Nora Vincent's frustration of picking up women in bars also proved thought-proviking. While men grow accustomed to rejection and being sized up in a two-second glance by the other gender, I can't think of too many women (if any) who wouldn't go home in tears at similar treatment. If every man treated me similar to how I treated a man in a bar, I would be crushed. Haven't all women been guilty of the sly eye-roll at the less-than-attractive man who merely wants to buy us a drink?

I also appreciated Nora Vincent's humility when writing her experience. She was quick to apologize for the deception to those around her, especially those with whom she felt a close bond. Her guilt elicited confessions to several of those people-- not only was I surprised by the fact that she actually confessed her true identity, but I was even more surprised at the mens' reactions; none of which were hostile.

Group behavior amongst men is another way she summarizes the male psyche. I wouldn't have suspected her judment of men in a monastery to be akin to the judgments she makes of their character in a bowling league, strip club, or therapy group.

I rate "Self Made Man" 4 stars because I felt the book losing some momentum towards the end. At the point she begins cross-applying much of the same analysis to the different scenarios, I felt myself losing interest. Even so, I wish more people would give this book a read-over as it certainly changed the way I look at men, gender, and sexuality.

Norah Vincent gives us a firsthand look at her experience living "undercover" for eighteen months as a man. Expecting to experience a world of privilege unburdened by the constraints and pressures of society, Vincent instead discovers exactly what it means to be a man in society today. In doing so, she addresses topics that many individuals, of both sexes, consider taboo or inconsequential. By taking an unbiased look at multiple groups and facets that make up a "man's world" Vincent strives to understand what it is that makes a man who he is. The experiences that Vincent, as Ned, had are something that anyone striving to have a deeper understanding of the human soul should take the time to read.

This book's rather ridiculous premise -- a woman going undercover as a man to discover gender differences -- would have prevented me buying it for myself. I was lucky therefore to receive it as a birthday present.

You see, Norah Vincent's "Journey" is not the expected "Black Like Me" diatribe, nor is it an expose of the "Suits Me" type. Vincent is a perceptive, and dare-I-say profound author who avoids easy answers and two-bit quips. Her ridiculous premise isn't played for laughs or to make predictable cliches.

Her ruminations on the contradictions of maleness -- be sensitive but don't be a nancy boy, be strong and assertive but not overbearing, treat her like a lady but whatever you do don't ever condescend -- are surprisingly illuminating, central and spot on. Especially from a woman! Similarly, her dissection of the feminine mystique is unflinchingly honest and sure to give feminists pause and conservative stereotypes reason to belittle her.

As "Ned" she experiences the unexpected acceptance of a bowling league, the disorienting disassociation of love and sex in a strip club, the claustrophobic social pressures inside a monastery, and in the best chapters the role-playing within her role-playing on the dating scene. Her text is compulsively readable, making me get up early and stay up late to finish a few more chapters.

Take these examples:
"...his suggestions were so profoundly right, so purely expressed, that they made you feel by comparison like a donkey who'd been temporarily granted the power of speech." (pg. 155)

"Dating women was the hardest thing I had to do as Ned, even when the women liked me and I liked them. I have never felt more vulnerable to total strangers, never more socially defenseless than in my clanking suit of borrowed armor. But then I guess that's one of the secrets of manhood that no man tells if he can help it. Every man's armor is borrowed and ten sizes too big, and beneath it, he's naked and insecure and hoping you won't see." (pg. 130)

"...women have a lot of power, not only to arouse, but to give worth... I thought I saw how rejection might get twisted beyond recognition in the mind of a discarded male where misogyny and ultimately rape may be a vicious attempt to take what cannot be taken because it has not been bestowed." (pg. 127)

Throughout the book Vincent maintains a tone which is learned without being didactic, genuinely sympathetic and compassionate, and deeply reflective on the nature of man and woman and how we came to be this way.

I just finished THE most interesting book I have read in a long time: "Self-Made Man" by Norah Vincent. The subtitle says it all: "One Woman's Journey into Manhood and Back."

Vincent mastered male disguise and surreptitiously made her way into one traditional males-only bastion after another, all the way from a men's bowling league and strip joints to a Catholic monastery and a Rober Bly-style men's group. And not once for each of these venues, but over and over and over again.

Both female and lesbian, Vincent was a double outsider in these all-male and mostly heterosexual groups. Her struggles to master male dress and behavior (and subsequent constant fear of discovery of her female-ness) and her constant surprises as her experiences of these men belied her expectations made for fascinating reading.

Interestingly, Vincent used Internet dating for her forays into heterosexual love (if you can call a lesbian masquerading as a man, trying to date women, as heterosexual love). The Internet part is rater incidental to Vincent's main point that dating and love, which she thought would be the easiest for her as a man, were the hardest. You'll have to read the book to find out why.

As a Romance Coach working with heterosexuals who are trying to meaningfully connect with each other, I found "Self-Made Man" a page-turner, and am almost ready to say it is a "must-read" for all my clients, female and male. Vincent's attempts to span the gender gap, her struggles to fit in, and the realization that she never would, plus her guilt and discomfort with being in disguise and essentially fooling these often endearing men, made for riveting reading. I think this book can definitely help women understand men better, and interestingly, men have more understanding for women. Plus help both to gain an increased appreciation for the "unbridgeable gap" between the two. Five chocolate dipped strawberries!

[..............]

Critics of this book argue that Ms. Vincent began at the outset of her cross-dressing, gender-bending adventure with a biased, anti-male outlook. This may well be true, as Ms. Vincent, if not biased against men, certainly battles with an almost omnipresent cloud of arrogance. However, it is foolish of the critics to expect an unbiased accounting of an event that in itself eliminates any possibility to be unbiased. This is not a distant observation of animal packs, but an author putting herself within the experiment and attempting to gain knowledge and insight into herself from her deceptions.

On that subject, Ms. Vincent's year-and-a-half dressing and acting as a man seems to yield relatively few strong insights for outside readers. The analysis Vincent gives: That men act differently around men than women, that men are held to a different standard and that oftentimes this different standard damages men's images of themselves, that men are often not the single-minded, sex-driven animals some (like Ms. Vincent) believe them to be, fails to break much new ground. If anything, Vincent's triumph is illuminating these ideas with biographies and interactions with real people. One comes away from a first reading sympathetic towards the many men Vincent meets, condescends upon and redeems while incognito. The male supporting characters - not Vincent's fictional man - ultimately become the most intriguing and thought-provoking characters in Self Made Man, a fact that ultimately supports Vincent's argument that the "modern man" could use a good second analysis, for what first appears in Vincent's varied characters rarely holds true beneath the surface.

5 of 6 people found the following review helpful
GENDER BLENDER, March 18, 2013
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This review is from: SELF-MADE MAN: ONE WOMAN'S JOURNEY INTO MANHOOD AND BACK AGAIN (Audiobook)

DAVID, I hope this is not too much. We don’t have to talk about it, until and if you read it. Then we can talk about it.

Take one part female, one part male, mix in a transgendered-male with a few shakes of transgendered-female and what do you get? You get a mass of confusion and uncertainty about what gender is, how much of who we are is due to our gender and how much does being gender specific limit us from being fully human?

Questions about gender have been explored throughout the years. In the mid-2000’s, there was a rush of movies and books that threw their voices into the fray. I thought the movies, Brokeback Mountain and TransAmerica did their part in expanding our understanding of gender. Then there was the book, She's Not There - A Life In Two Genders by Jennifer Finney Boylan, which added much to the discussion, yet, also left me with many gender related questions.

Coincidentally, or not so coincidentally, soon after finishing "She's Not There", I picked up the recorded edition of the book, Self-Made Man - One Woman's Journey Into Manhood and Back Again by Nora Vincent. This book on CD started out for me as boring, mainly because it was read by the author and her voice was quite low in tenor and monotone. But it was not long before boredom morphed into not only interest and fascination, but a kind of identification that often brought tears to my eyes.

Nora Vincent is a writer who went on a journey, a project, to see what it means to be a Man in America and to experience this though the eyes of a woman, a woman who happens to be a Lesbian. That Vincent is a Lesbian was really not significant, except that she had always been a tomboy and came to the project with what she thought was perhaps a better understanding of what being a man was because of her predisposition to boyish things. Much of what she learned on this journey was to dispel many of her (and hopefully the reader's) preconceptions. So, Vincent did some physical training to build up muscle mass, she did what was necessary to hide her breasts and to appear to have facial hair. She got a coach to help her with any of the characteristics of male-hood that she might have overlooked. All in all, it worked, in so far as her biggest fear, that of being "found out", never happened. She spent about 18 months passing as a man, a man named Ned (a nickname she'd had as a child). She began the journey as the newest member of a bowling league. She went on to become a young man dating young women and then a man in a male dominated field, sales (door-to-door). Her final foray was becoming a part of a male bonding weekend in the woods.

I grew up through the Woman's Movement and I am a product of it. I also grew up in a family where, though my parents were well meaning and there was a lot of love and affection, I was not provided a great model for a good, healthy male-female relationship. I was never given the opportunity of seeing a man who was multi-faceted in his emotional development. After listening to this book, I have come to somewhat understand the monochromatic male when it comes to his emotions. Men, like women, are products of their environment and the American culture we all live in. We cannot escape the male-female expectations taught us from infancy and we cannot change the early relationship we have had with the parent who was to be our role model.

The author exposes the suffering of men when they are denied their father's approval and warmth. Men, all too often, grow up deprived of being allowed to experience a range of human emotions. They are not allowed to feel them, no less express them. Fear, insecurity, doubt are fiercely prohibited. Silliness, puckishness, playfulness, nurturing are given little value and attributed more to the "weaker sex.” Sorrow, guilt, confusion and grief are frowned upon. In other words, it's a very short list from which men can choose when it comes to emotions. Women are pretty much free to experience and express them all, and generally we do. Boys often grow up learning, and as adults are left with happiness, sadness, and then three major emotions: anger, rage and bravado. Sometimes the anger and rage men feel are directed towards women and Vincent helped me to understand where this might come from; how we women are ever ready to criticize men for being emotionally distant, yet at the same time, preferring them to meet our stereotypical images of strength and virility, how women, intending to be sensitive to their man, in reality, often do not honor his male needs. So, in response to his sadness, perhaps tears, we jump in to kiss the boo-boo or talk away the wound, when what he really needs is space and silent understanding. He needs the woman to understand that just being there, being present with him, is enough. Does this sound familiar? It's exactly what women want from men when we cry. We don't want him to try to fix it. We do want him to listen and just be there for her. Vincent further explained that she came to see how women can sometimes bring on male hostility by assuming an emotional superiority that closes down all communication (this resonated the deepest and elicited the most tears for me. Do I do that with the men in my life?). Finally, however, she states that both genders are hurting, lonely, longing to connect, and that faults, as well as strengths, can be found on both sides.

What is refreshing in this book is that the author is not on a mission to degrade the male gender, far from it. She clearly has no axe to grind. She managed to display men's relationships with other men as enviable. When women meet new women we often tend to size them up, literally size them up....she's thinner than me, fatter than me, has prettier features than me, has horsey features, has huge breasts, is flat-chested,, has a flat stomach, is just too damn perfect. We tend to go into automatic competition mode and not necessarily for the highest bowling score. The men Ned met when he joined the bowling league came across to me as more "real". These men seemed to take each other at face value, without judgment or comparison. The stronger ones tended to take Ned under their wings and mentor him. Some of the older men provided a welcoming father figure. The male bonding in this segment of the book displayed a tenderness that never lost its masculinity and I found it enviable. I felt a longing for this kind of relationship with other women. I found myself admiring and even envying men for this ability to truly bond with others of their gender without rancor or pettiness.

Nora Vincent truly helped to give me an insight into the opposite gender that was as open as any I've encountered. Through her eyes I came to have a greater understanding of what's behind men's failures and to see and maybe for the first time, appreciate what is good in the male gender. She also helped me to understand quite a bit about my own gender.

In Vincent’s words, "And I came largely to forgive women and myself for our own all too apparent shortcomings, our emotional arrogance, our lack of perspective, our often unreasonable needs and projections and blaming, our failure, like men, to manage or acknowledge the imbalance on our own side of the equation."

If nothing else is certain, what is without doubt is that the most important thing for men and women to learn is open communication with each other. I think of all the gender questions and answers I have come upon lately, this book, Self-Made Man: One Woman's Journey Into Manhood and Back Again is the one for us all, men and women, to read and to take from it the fodder for that communication.

Norah's story is clearly and interesting one. I consider myself to be a man of average intelligence and class and found her observations (for the most part) to be valid. I think men and women can gain a measure of insight regarding the opposite sex by reading "Self-Made Man". Some may not agree with the methods Norah employed to produce her product, but the book doesn't pretend to be a lesson in ethics. I think that deception was simply an essential tool required to achieve her objectives.

While interesting, I do think Ms. Vincent targeted a left side sampling of the class and intellect bell curve. I would love to see how far she would have been able to penetrate into a community of male college educated middle managers.

I don't think this book is a must read, but I can't think of anyone I would tell not to read it.

I got this book after reading a favorable review from one of the mainline orthodox Christian magazines.

I have one word after reading it: "Wow!"

As a late-blooming man (I am coming to grips with masculinity at 56 years old), I found this book one of the best at exploring some of the aspects of what being a man is.

Although the language and some of the stories (to this Christian's viewpoint) were at first deeply offensive, I found that when I worked past that, there were really insightful and touching observations. Who would have thought that it would take an undercover dyke (her term for herself, not mine) to observe men in just a select few 'native environments' to shatter not only her own, but my preconceived ideas and prejudices as well. Between the lines, there is much material to ponder about the strengths, weaknesses, and illusory 'advantages' that accompany being a man in this society.

She also hints at the mystery of gender - Are gender roles imprinted by upbringing and society (however badly that is done), or are there biologically encoded norms that are being daily played out in the love-hate dance between men and women? She does not answer that question, but that was not her purpose.

I am recommending this book to a select few of my Evangelical Christian friends who are mature enough to handle the raw, blunt (and often vulgar) sexual language with which she writes.

I read this book because the premise sounded interesting. I loved this book because it was an eye opener in a way I never expected. As someone who has battled body image issues and weight issues my entire life, reading about Norah's painful experiences trying to be a man as Ned, made me realize I have spent the better part of 40 years trying to be something that not only will I never be, but don't WANT to be! I grew up with the stereotypical image of the "perfect woman" and somewhere between 20 and 40, I really stopped seeing that as my ideal. I so identified with Norah's pain at not fitting a certain image and the toll this took on her and suddenly, I became aware that I not longer WANTED to be what I had told myself for years I should be. A very liberating experience. Thank you Norah Vincent! One of the most enlightening books I have ever read and I have read a multitude of self-help, body image, weight loss, women's issues titles. How ironic that it took reading about a WOMAN trying to be a MAN to make me realize how futile my thinking I should be a size 6 with big boobs, a flat tummy and no wrinkles was! Shows just how distorted the societal images we accept as real are!

I've always loved to read articles in typical "girl" magazines that claimed to know what men are thinking. They're often ridiculously wrong. So when I spotted this book I had to pick it up, to see what Norah's opinion was after doing some actual research.

The book is sectioned into several parts, each being a detailed recounting of a long-term situation she put herself in, such as a bowling league, sales job, monastery, and men's retreat. My one criticism of the book is that many of the situations she chose are not very average or typical "manly" groups. The bowling alley was a great choice, the monastery not so much. Regardless of this though, I felt her impressions formed of the events were very enlightening - to both her and me. Though Norah is gay, her preconceived notions of what men are like seemed no different than many what many straight women have. And it was refreshing to see her stereotypes shattered, and in the end her decide she prefers to be a woman, that she thinks it's easier.

I'm passing the book to my wife to read, and I think it would make a great discussion piece for her (or any) book club.

Immersion reporting, especially to expose social injustices, has been a long-standing tradition in journalism. One only has to think back to Laura Z. Hobson's "Gentlemen's Agreement" (or Elia Kazan's classic film adaptation) where a Gentile journalist poses as a Jew, or John Howard Griffin's "Black Like Me" where the author, a white man, disguised himself as a black man for a year. The idea of gaining a perspective alien to one's experience produces insights that cannot be discerned as acutely when studied objectively. Such is the compelling, though hardly groundbreaking idea behind freelance journalist Norah Vincent's decision to disguise herself for 18 months as "Ned", i.e., to understand firsthand what the true gender divide is all about.

Vincent's tone is thankfully not conciliatory. Rather, she provides a series of sociological observations that enhance our awareness of what separates men and women. We have been manipulated by years of Hollywood movie cross-dressing (consider films like "Some Like It Hot", "Tootsie", "Yentl" and "Victor/Victoria") that push us to surmise that the so-called battle of the sexes is one that can be overcome by simply putting oneself in the other's shoes. What Vincent finds - and perhaps the most penetrating insight she provides in the book - is not an unacknowledged commonality between the sexes but instead a gender gap that is even wider than anyone cares to admit. Fortunately, she does not use this revelation to produce a feminist tract, as she shows how women can be as presumptuous as men when it comes to understanding motivations and behavior.

Vincent points out that the mutual ignorance has been especially evident of late since the expectation of women has come with the feminist movement. In fact, from Ned's perspective, Vincent learns that men are trapped by their own patriarchal prejudices and that women are not remotely inclined to learn men's language. Not only do men have ways of communicating that women don't understand, but men are further burdened by not being proactive social animals among themselves. For example, she discovers that men will rarely stare at other men unless as a provocation to fight or as an unwanted homosexual advance. Instead, if men's eyes meet for more than a moment, one or the other would look away immediately never to look back. Such are the unspoken rules of behavior for men to ensure their self-inflicted independence.

The other aspects that Vincent shares are somewhat more predictable as they have to do with more obvious acts of sexism. Taking on a job that involves her working closely with an all-male sales team, she hears the inevitable sexist comments and naturally needs to support and participate in such macho revelry. However, Vincent recognizes that these displays are really hiding emotions compartmentalized by machismo-centric custom. In turn, she idealistically encourages a liberation movement to free men from their isolation. Of course, Vincent discusses the perils of dating as a man and claims to be surprised at how much sexual power women have over men and in what manner they display it, often with an unblinking coldness that seems to be a response to their disempowerment in other areas of life. As Ned, she is not lacking for confidence or entitlement to authority, but it becomes a strain to keep up the façade of arrogance to reflect Ned's innately manly attitude.

The intriguing twist of the book is that Vincent is a lesbian, so her accounts of dating have a double-edged sense of irony, especially when an attraction to a woman named Sasha leads Ned to divulge her true identity and surprisingly does not meet resistance. Of less interest are the strenuous efforts Vincent takes to encompass the full male experience - joining an all-male bowling league, ordering lap dances at strip clubs, participating in male bonding retreats, spending three weeks in a Catholic monastery. While the experiences provide some amusing anecdotes, they really don't add any resonance to her findings. At the same time, Vincent provides an enjoyable, sometimes revelatory read with her clear-eyed reportage.

One has to give Norah Vincent credit for even doing the fieldwork for this book - disguising herself as a dude and hanging out with the guys to get an insider's view of the modern day American male. The results are, for the most part, quite worthwhile and Vincent provides a view that may be all too familiar to many men yet uncomfortably unfamiliar to a number of women.

Vincent immerses herself in some areas where even the average guy does not hang out. The strip clubs she describes seem to be of the sleaziest type out there, few men ever visit a monastery let alone live in one and the job she takes as a salesman is populated by a number of guys on the fringes. Despite this, Vincent is able to peer through the outward social environment and touch upon some insightful themes.

Upon joining a bowling league, she is surprised at how fast she is taken in as one of the guys and much of the chapter is devoted to the concept of camaraderie among men. Even those with whom she competes want her to improve her game and seem to take an active role in helping her. She listens to men talk among themselves and discovers - big surprise for some no doubt - that they are not bastions of sexism where they plot to keep the non-white males of the world in continual oppression. In fact, Vincent is surprised at how accepting men are of others.

The best and most amusing chapter of the book revolves around Vincent's dating life. She describes the scenario all too familiar to many men of women calling almost all the shots and laying down numerous litmus tests for the men but feeling no need to reciprocate themselves. If it had been written by a man, the author would have been trashed beyond recognition. That it is written by a woman allows many men to simply give a big thanks to Vincent for saying what many had thought for some time.

There are some flaws to SELF-MADE MAN, some of which are significant. By taking a job in a field that was overwhelmingly male, she deprived the reader of a portrait of working with women in the modern day workplace. It would have been interesting to hear Vincent discuss such an environment when women can accuse men of harassment or, even more vaguely, making them uncomfortable for such things as, oh, looking at them or providing an off hand compliment. The cold hard fact that too few people want to say is that current employment law in this area has actually encouraged immaturity in way too many people.

There are other interesting aspects of women in the workforce that could have been addressed, both positive and negative. Women's more emotional natures have no doubt had some beneficial impact on making the workplace nicer. Yet some of the headaches now take on a particularly feminine quality. No doubt many have worked with the woman who does not express her hostility directly, as many men would, but instead sets people off against each other while keeping herself removed from the chaos.

The most significant flaw in the book, however, is Vincent's selective interpretation of things. One powerful example that has been picked up on elsewhere is Vincent's interpretation of other men not looking at her while disguised as a man as a sign of respect. This is quite suspicious. Usually being ignored is not a sign of respect but the opposite. Indeed, one classic of American literature, INVISIBLE MAN by Ralph Ellison, is devoted to this. Far too many men over the age of 25 without a lot of money are simply invisible to the rest of society and Vincent's interpretation that being ignored is a sign of respect makes one's head shake with disbelief. Although that is probably the single most noticeable example of Vincent's preconceptions getting in the way of correct analysis, it is not the only one. A careful reading of SELF-MADE MAN demonstrates that Vincent, although certainly not close minded in her journey, took more than a bit of baggage along with her.

If you characterize the current state of gender relations in the Western World as a gender war then "Self-Made Man" must be treated as the contents of a captured spy's briefcase. If you are not that paranoid, it's still pretty good. A shortcoming is that she limits her adventures in ways that show more about class distinctions than gender. Vincent's choices throughout the book show she is disdainful of the workaday world and the things ordinary people do to have fun and earn a living. Some of her experiments could have been done without the masquerade but they would have been called "slumming."

She concludes, and I agree with her, that gender is a different phenomenon from sex. But she also claims that people are taught their gender in early childhood and this I don't agree with. (She seems to have missed the research that shows little girls playing dolls with "daddy and mommy" toy trucks and little boys using dolls as tools and jet planes.) She also shows convincingly that people continue to accept original gender identification even if the outward cues are taken away. I suspect some of Vincent's test subjects saw through her gender disguise immediately and simply treated her as a man because the circumstances made it irrelevant.

It is worth considering what impact this work will have among feminists. It seems reasonable to expect a string of copycats so be on the lookout for the fellow who asks for extra napkins with the order of wings and forgets to look at the waitress's bottom. I think we can also expect another round of women telling us it's okay to cry when we all know it's not. "Self-Made Man" is a fun read and carries a few tidbits of useful wisdom. Vincent states right up front that this is not a scientific experiment so cut her some slack if she cuts a few corners. She seems like a basically decent person who did something interesting that took real cajones.

I bought this one partly because I was curious as to the author's methods: how exactly did she pass as a man? There wasn't quite enough detail for my liking on this point, but I quickly forgot what I'd come for, too absorbed by the narrative -- and too busy carrying on my own mental dialogue with the author -- to worry about scrounging for technical information.

Her conclusions are tightly drawn and surprising, and the way she draws them is one of the finest gifts I've ever been given by an author. Vincent respects the line between opinion, fact, and experience, and lets the reader know which is what. She does this so well and so transparently that it only registers as a perception that her book is remarkably effective without being offensive.

And on a personal note, I'm extraordinarily grateful to her for being a woman, becoming a man, and returning to herself afterward. Her experiments work in a way that I couldn't emulate. She carefully lives the lie and then returns to her own truth, whereas for a person like myself, "I am a woman" and "I am a man" both feel like uncomfortable falsehoods.

I do want to bring up a factual point she simply didn't touch on: In some states, strip clubs like she describes are par for the course; in others, they don't exist. I live in Portland, Oregon, where private dances are (largely) just that, strip clubs are not infrequently owned or managed by women, and lesbians and couples sit happily at stage-side, enjoying the show.

Ms. Vincent writes a convincing story/report of her 18 months undercover as a man. Her descriptions of friendships with men were very vivid, including intimate conversations man-to-man. Her conclusion at the end was that she now has more sympathy for men in our society and states that they are very put upon to be strong all the time, to work hard, and keep their feelings to themselves. I agree with her, being a fellow lesbian. My attitude toward the male species has definitely taken a turn for the better, thanks to having read this book. I recommend it highly to both men and women. Viva la difference!!

I got this book after reading a favorable review from one of the mainline orthodox Christian magazines.

I have one word after reading it: "Wow!"

As a late-blooming man (I am coming to grips with masculinity at 56 years old), I found this book one of the best at exploring some of the aspects of what being a man is.

Although the language and some of the stories (to this Christian's viewpoint) were at first deeply offensive, I found that when I worked past that, there were really insightful and touching observations. Who would have thought that it would take an undercover dyke (her term for herself, not mine) to observe men in just a select few 'native environments' to shatter not only her own, but my preconceived ideas and prejudices as well. Between the lines, there is much material to ponder about the strengths, weaknesses, and illusory 'advantages' that accompany being a man in this society.

She also hints at the mystery of gender - Are gender roles imprinted by upbringing and society (however badly that is done), or are there biologically encoded norms that are being daily played out in the love-hate dance between men and women? She does not answer that question, but that was not her purpose.

I am recommending this book to a select few of my Evangelical Christian friends who are mature enough to handle the raw, blunt (and often vulgar) sexual language with which she writes.

Norah Vincents journey to manhood and back again details the obvious and not so obvious difference between the sexes. Rather than dwelling on the material description of the transformation, she moves quickly into male mind and genre, as much as the fair sex can, and as much as guys open up. Her description of male bastions such as bowling nights, the monastery, high-testosterone sales and Iron John weekends turn out to be suprisingly revealing to the author as well as this reader. The strip club chapter was sad for both male and female participants. Dating as a guy remains a mystery. Vincent has a feminist attitude while she writes, but it never overpowers the story of the men that she befriends. An very good read for both genders.

This book has had a much more lasting effect than I expected. I would have reviewed it much like the folks who gave it three or four stars when I first read it a couple of years ago. Since then, so many times I've had experiences which recalled this book, especially as a dating woman. In the dates I've had since reading the book, I see how much really bad dates have hurt men, too. We hear so much about how men can be such jerks, but women can certainly be too. Informed by what I read in these pages, I see the after effects of the reverse side of bad dates for men. Fortunately, I've never been a horrible date, but reading this book has made me a much more compassionate and better date. Several times, I've recommended it to friends, men and women, stymied by the other sex. Who'd have thunk I'd learn this from a woman?

This book is extremely unique. I had never read a book like "Safe-made man," and I had never heard of anyone living as a member of the opposite gender for over a year. I'm not aware of any other books like it. I think this book is useful for women who want to know what it is like to be a man and for people who wonder what women think about men in general.

Recently, a woman ended our dating relationship because she claimed she'd, "eat me up," and needed a different personality type in her life. In other words, I wasn't "man" enough for her. So, I wanted to get a woman's perspective on manhood to see where I might be lacking. How do they see us? What do they expect from us? I was initially worried that this book might be a repeat of Maureen Dowd's dreadful "Are Men Necessary?" But a quick skim of "Self-Made Man dispelled that notion. It's a well-written, thoughtful analysis of masculinity.

Norah Vincent disguised herself as a man, took the name "Ned," and then infiltrated a number of male-dominated venues (a blue-collar bowling league, a monastery, men's movement meetings, etc.). Like anyone venturing into a new culture, she went into our world with a number of preconceived notions. However, she was constantly surprised by her findings, and ultimately came to respect the male gender.

Although the entire book was fascinating, a couple of chapters were more applicable to my quest. For example, her take on the dating scene in Chapter Four was spot-on. As men, we have to endure a ton of tactless rejections. Women consider us losers and/or predators until we prove otherwise. Perhaps that explains my current ex's statement that, "a man views a woman as an accessory to add to his life, like a big-screen TV. However, a woman has to take on the man's life, have his kids, and so on. Therefore, she has a lot more to lose, and has to be much more discerning." While that's a somewhat cynical take on the situation, she has a point. But I'm dismayed that she confirmed the author's findings about the adversarial nature of modern thirty-something dating. It makes me lean even more towards lifelong celibacy.

Of course, Ms. Vincent also reveals the broken parts of the male world. The "In The Company Of Men" atmosphere of a sales office and the tightly regimented relations at the monastery were highlights of masculine dysfunction. But the author doesn't sugarcoat the faults of her own gender, either. Despite their own flaws (or simply disregarding them), the romance-seeking women she encountered, "wanted a man to be confident. They wanted in many ways to defer to him (110)." But they also desired, "a man who was vulnerable to them...someone expressive, intuitive, attuned (111)." I know I can't live up to both ideals at once, although I struggle most with appearing confident. The author's findings gelled with my experience, and I felt that I had a better understanding of why my latest relationship didn't last.

At any rate, "Self-Made Man" is an excellent analysis of masculinity in 21st century America. Norah Vincent gave me the insightful woman's perspective I was seeking, all unsullied by the sound of a grinding axe. It's ironic that someone of her persuasion would craft a much more respectful and even-handed take on manhood than many straight female writers. Highly recommended.

Very introspective and enlightening. Since the dawn of feminism, there has been a great deal of focus on women's thoughts and women's rights and women's burgeoning place in society. In a lot of ways, the man's place has largely been ignored, generally assumed we already knew what a man's life was like, and that he was living the high life. In some ways it's true, but we rarely explore at what cost, not only to women, but also to the men themselves. This is a very insightful personal look at the life of a man from the outside. It's valuable to women, certainly, to better understand the opposite sex, but also to men who may not realize why they do or think how they do. I strongly recommend to anyone and everyone.

Read this for my Women Gender Studies class. It was nice as that it was written for a wider audience than just those in the field of Gender studies, but at times came off as verbose and overworked. Would recommend to anyone interested on the role of Gender in social interaction.

Read this for my Women Gender Studies class. It was nice as that it was written for a wider audience than just those in the field of Gender studies, but at times came off as verbose and overworked. Would recommend to anyone interested on the role of Gender in social interaction.

I purchased this book somewhat skeptically, thinking that I already had an extremely in-depth understanding of the psychology and behavioral patterns of both men and women in today's society and that this book would probably not offer me much more than what I already "knew."

I read this book completely nonstop over a period of only maybe two days, and came out of it completely surprised at the extremely in-depth and insightful writing by the author about the subject and about herself. She is an amazingly eloquent writer and even more observant and perceptive.

Additionally, the book is a LOT more male positive than anyone would ever expect, not just from a woman, but a *lesbian* woman. In fact, I would go so far to say that she is *extremely* in support of men by the end of the book, a conclusion that she didn't seem to expect even in herself and I certainly didn't before I read the book.

Give this book a chance, even if you are skeptical. It was the best $25 whim purchase I've made, and it completely (pleasantly) surprised me.

Life is too short to learn everything you need to know on your own time. Fortunately, if rarely, a book comes along that is filled with relevant insights that can jump-start your understanding ahead by years - perhaps even major fractions of a lifetime. This is one of those special books.

For 18 months Ms. Vincent lived the life of a man, among men, in several well-chosen, largely- or exclusively-male situations (e.g., a men's bowling league, a monastery, a high intensity, in-your-face sales job, and others). She deftly distills deep understanding from the clues she uncovers, to explain the limits that each gender accepts upon their ability to live as their view of society seems to dictate.

You are unprepared for all the veils she lifts on the misunderstanding we live within, in our own gender, and - more important - in our understanding of what makes the other gender tick. You will recognize the truth of her words by the way they resonate with your life, and you'll leave this book knowing more about many facets of life that you didn't know you didn't know. This book should become a classic reference for every form of study involving gender dynamics.

Come along for the ride; it's fascinating and - if you're open minded - you won't be sorry. (What's more, the conclusions are useful even if the story is someday shown to be exaggerated.)

Somewhat interesting, but as the book wore on I realized the author really does not like women. She has a bone to pick with women who perhaps have reacted to her in way she didn't like in the past, and that is largely why she wrote the book. In the passage where she says playing sports with women had been a bad experience for her, she generalizes and says women won't help women or show them how to do things. This just isn't true. I enjoyed her description of what is was like to walk down the street as a man, though I imagine it was full of generalizations that men would not find true either.

Vincent goes behind the scenes -- and behind the suit -- to see what life is really like as a member of the opposite sex. Written in an honest, straightforward, down-to-earth if somewhat overly academic manner, this book shows what goes on in the typically male realms of girly bars, bowling alleys, monastery retreats, and men's wilderness retreats. Vincent makes no sweeping statements, doing her best to convey that her experiences are colored by her particular circumstances. An interesting, if not particularly enlightening, read.

I found this book fascinating and humorous. But though this experiment gave valuable insight into the club of male bonding I found it to be skewed by the fact that the experimenter was a woman. As a woman, whatever information is gleaned from the experience is going to be biased in some fashion, but interesting nonetheless.

I did find the book to focus a bit much on sex. Ned spent a lot of time at nudie bars, trying to convince the monks that he wasn't gay, and dating. The other aspects of his existence were minor in comparison to this preoccupation. The men that I have encountered in my life, though were normal healthy men, also had other interests.

Although, Ned may have come across a bit feminine, and what metro sexual doesn't these days, he did allow for one important insight to this mother of boys. Boys need men to show them how to be men regardless of what kind of man that is. Only men know how to read the cues that other men transmit and fathers/father-figures relay this information to the boys in their charge whether its conscious or not. This is a vital part of the make-up of our society and must not be looked down upon as something that isn't necessary.

Read this book for what it's worth.: a workshop in curiosity of the other side. You might find something that can be taken from the experience.

Norah Vincent's Journey into the land of Masculinity is a first rate book and a page turner. It is a tale of a study that leaves the author exhausted and drained at the end. One almost feels guilty reading and enjoying the fruit of that pain, which is the price of the deception necessary to pull this off.

Vincent's look at a man's life from the inside yields its best fruit in three places, the Men's group, the Monastery and the Bowling league. You will find these chapters the best of the book although the rest of it from dating to sales to girlie bars will still be worth your time.

What intrigued me the most was the amount of times she seems to reference her now defunct Catholic faith. It seems to be inside of her waiting to burst out. As a practicing Catholic that reinforces the decision to send my kids to Catholic school since the lessons learned seem to remain inside even if one moves away. Will they always produce good fruit? Who knows but the seeds stay there and can grow given the right circumstances.

The conclusions of the book would seem to be nothing earth shattering, but in a society that tries to fool itself to reinforce the prejudices of popular culture and the elites it is breathtaking.

Those things are good reasons for buying and reading this book, however the best reason is this: The book is entertaining, thoughtful and tells an interesting story.

And on that bowling, the trick it to keep to the arrows...

This book is a rare gem. Honest, open-minded, thoughtful, and what it has to say is important to us as individuals and as a society. No dogma, instead Vincent shares her piercing insights. A brave book.

Norah Vincent wants to learn more about the opposite sex; that is, what it's like to think, feel, act, and be treated like a man. In order to do this, she does what any cultural anthropologist would do - she embedded herself within the culture and subjected herself to several "guy" activities and experiences. She realizes that, yes, there are culturally defined differences between men and women. It is not a judgmental book; it doesn't bash men - it seeks understanding of what is considered "male" in our society. This is a wonderful experiment. My key drawback is how she tends to make a point and overly "beat it to death".

Norah Vincent's foray into masculinity suprisingly shed light on the ways that she feels that men are suffocated by the structure of gendered expectations. The book is written for an educated lay audience and would also be well used in the classroom.

There are places in the book where she falls into mainstream cultures misunderstandings about women's studies or feminism that I found troubling. However, her otherwise honest reflections on masculinity were enlightening and I've found that I've been thinking more about this book in the two weeks since I've finished it.

The chapter that I continue to reflect on is the one where she describes dating as "Ned." It was illuminating to get the sense that dating and rejection is hard for men. I never would have thought about it in the way that she described it. The quiet desperation that some of the men exhibit in the section about strip clubs was also sad. Sad that some men feel utterly compelled to have no real connection to women, as women, but rather to look to women as objects or a sexual fetish of some sort.

Overall, I found that the book was well-written. And, if anything I was really saddened to see that once again we expect men to be emotionless. It must be terribly lonely to not feel that it's acceptable to express your emotions. I think I have more empathy for the way that gender suffocates men. I am well aware of the punitive consequences of gender and gender roles on women, but I think that Vincent provocatively addresses heterosexual men in her snapshot as Ned.

Oh, one last comment. I do think that her experiences as Ned and "coming out" as Ned to some of the folks (men) she met were influenced by her Lesbianism, as were the dating relationships that she had with some of the women. I do think that a straight woman traveling/transforming as a man would have had a different experience, since she would not have been a potential object of affection for the any of the people she came out to, for instance.

That said, I think her lived experience also influenced her understanding of gender. I don't think that these are weaknesses of the book, but something I felt compelled to note.

This was a very insightful novel. Norah Vincent's depictions of being in a monestary, strip club, and in the workplace as a man were all very humerous and fun to read. However, I wouldn't take Vincent's observations at more than base value. She doesn't make that many astounding findings and the book doesn't leave you more knowledgable then before you read it. It is however a fun read.

I also disliked some of the conclusions of her research. She comes up with simplified and rather sexist views of rape and misogyny. At times I couldn't actually believe a woman was saying such things about other women.

Despite these flaws, I still enjoyes Vincent's book and give her 4/5 stars for her excellent and humerous writing style.

I am a professional economist by training and occupation, and I found the scientific method in this book to be of a spectacularly high quality, even though the author is self-deprecating about her claim to methodological rigour. I loved this book for many reasons, of which I would mention just three - (i) It is widely held that experiments are generally not possible in the social sciences, but this author provides a refreshing refutation to that claim. This book provides an example of the ever sought after "counter-factual"; in this case, what would a woman do if her boyfriend is actually a woman, or a guy discover that his buddy is indeed not quite what he appears to be; (ii) I liked very much her command over the language; here and there she uses very evocative expressions, without appearing the least bit to be "clever" in the manner that some journalists do when they turn to writing books; (iii) The best part I found is her searing honesty, she does not appear to be writing to please one group or the other, just telling the world her story, even though it means revealing her insecurities and feelings such as guilt at her deception - in fact, I find metaphysical wisdom in her enterprise, as she herself writes in the book, that she needed to deceive in order to develop a deeper understanding of things. As Churchill said, the truth is so precious that it has to be hidden inside a web of lies, and it seems to me that the author had to cross this bridge of lies, to get through to the other side, lovely.

I do wonder about one thing, I do not know if the store.com would be able to collect and publish those statistics - who likes this book more, men or women?

I immediately found the idea of the book in interesting, but approached it defensively. I was expecting a judgmental hash of the short comings of men.

Instead I found a shockingly even handed, and review of the difference societies that men and women coexist in, and the roles that we play in them. The contrasting roles, rules, and dynamics found provided me with invaluable incites in our gender roles and within my self.

This unorthodox "expose" of men's lives in the United States by Norah Vincent was a quick entertaining read, but not necessarily profound or groundbreaking. Vincent is certainly a very good writer, and manages to keep the reader engaged by peppering her narrative with insights that she has gained from her experiment. However, I wouldn't go looking for anything more than personal experience in her story. While I wouldn't say you won't manage to learn anything from it, Vincent's most profound observations are personal, and her experiment doesn't hold up to scientific standards.

For instance, in the chapter in which she attempts to hold a job as a man, she restricts her choices of employment to commission-only door-to-door salesman jobs--not necessarily a 9-to-5 job that would require even minimal training. And since these jobs offer no benefits or even a steady salary, I highly doubt that they are representative of the "male experience." Perhaps a job as a waiter or similar low-end job would have been better. Similarly, her dating experiences were limited to web-dating only--perhaps by necessity, but maybe some peer-arranged blind dates would have added some diversity.

Still, I enjoyed reading this book. It may not be textbook material, but if you're a man or woman who's wondered what it's like "on the other side," you'll probably enjoy it too. Vincent manages to be insightful without judging either men or women and comes away from it all with a deeper understanding of our culture's gender roles.