How to Blossom and Thrive in Spite of an Unhappy Childhood

Excellent book! I especially enjoy reading caller situations and how Dr. Laura handles!
I like to think Dr. Laura and I think alike!!
I passed it on for daughter to read!
When she finishes, will pass it on again!!

I am a clinical psychologist and picked this book up in a thrift store without any real expectations. After all, could a book written by a pop psychologist really be any good? But I was pleasantly surprised. Although I can't say I really learned any new concepts, the gem was in Dr. Laura's excellent writing style, use of valuable metaphors, ability to confront patients/callers on their relished "victimhood," and focus on the positives. She encourages people to radically accept their parents and childhood, including the problems and limitations, and find a way to move on a live a good life anyway.

Some people reading this book may struggle with it, because it bluntly disparages tendencies to wallow in self-pity and strongly encourages a positive attitude (many are not ready to do this). But I'm sure it can also be a great inspiration to others. It can also give therapists new ideas on things to say to clients to help them move forward in a good direction.

My biological father divorced my mom when I was thirteen. Mom has been happily remarried for over twenty years but won't let go of her bitterness while I've struggled to find my place in this world. What about me? Where do I belong? If only there was someone out there who truly loved me. Bio-dad sent me this book after my attempted suicide so I could read it and "find peace."
He still believes THE DIVORCE was entirely to blame. It wasn't. I attempted suicide because, unlike every single scenario Dr. Laura shared in her book, I've yet to experience motherhood. I'm a forty-year old virgin who was never anyone's daughter, wife, mother, or even girlfriend. I lived alone for many years in a one-bedroom apartment. I earned two bachelor's degrees but was continually denied a satisfying, fulfilling career. I was tired of flipping burgers, living life alone with no one who cared about me and no one with whom I could share the joys and sorrows of life with. I was wise enough not to turn to the self-destructive behaviors Dr. Laura speaks so vehemently against and I agree with her on those views.
Bio-Dad had little contact with me, he was always too busy sleeping around with other women to involve himself in my life. Disengaged stepdad had five boys of his own and Mom just loved rubbing it in that she was so married while I was so...not. And I'd never given birth to boot. As an adult woman, I had truly "failed to launch" so who was to blame?
Because we live a superficial world where patriarchy is dead (the GOOD kind where men take loving responsibility for the women and children in their lives) and a woman's outward appearance is her only identification, I honestly believed no one would ever want to create a family with me, that no one would miss me, that a satisfying, fulfilling career was never going to happen for me; so why didn't I just take the hint and leave already?
From my point of view, my Bad Childhood had simply morphed into a Bad Single Adulthood. I would love to move on and embrace the Good Life but I simply don't know how because, in Dr. Laura's world, the Good Life is all about creating the healthy, successful family I will spend the rest of my life yearning for.
I have since moved into the basement of my mom and stepdad's house. I am doing better and I wish I could say reading this book helped but it didn't; there was little I could relate to.

Although I have not always agreed with Dr. Laura, this is the second book of hers I have read and I just loved it! It has set me on the path of freedom from guilt I have carried over the years for my parents (divorced since I was 5)...over my mother's bad childhood (which she NEVER stops talking about), over not contacting my father for several years (even though he never ONCE tried to contact me my entire 20 years in the Navy), over my own blessed life (the one I chose to live instead of following in my mother's footsteps), etc., etc. Since reading this book, which I will read again and take notes the second time around, I am now on the path of a guilt-free life. The bottom line for me is this; I was the child and did not deserve their insults about my weight(father's "fat girl") or neglect (mother's boyfriends). Because I was put second, third, and/or fourth in their lives, I grew up putting people, mainly males, and their needs before my own. No more! This does not mean I have become selfish; it means I include myself when I give to others. I am a very generous and thoughtful person to those who are truly special people in my life. I no longer give to takers!

I also admire Dr. Laura for revealing her childhood as well. not many authors do that. Many folks think she is a hyprocrite; she is not. Instead, she has learned from her childhood and own guilt and, in my opinion, is therefore an authority to write on the subject. She knows from whence she speaks, bless her hard-hitting, no-nonsense, to-the-point heart.

I have recommended this book to my all of my friends, regardless if they had good or bad childhood's. The reason I recommeded it to those who had good childhood's is so that they have a better understanding of those of us who had bad childhoods.

If there is dysfunction in your relationships or any aspect of your life (you, your spouse, children, families of origin), this is a must have, must read book. While not written for a particular type of dysfunction, the advice is cognitive-behavioral based and covers a range of criteria for various disorders found when flipping through a DSM-II (Psychiatric Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders).

For example, someone with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) has difficulty with intimate relationships, anger and depression. Dr. Laura does a good job intimating the changes in thinking and behavior that underlie the path out of these issues. This is not to say that this is a recovery book for BPD or any other mental disorder, but it could easily be a supplement to therapy (the treatment of choice for BPD). Furthermore, if your therapist does not agree with the majority of advice in this book (no one agrees with anyone else 100% of the time), I'd find a new therapist or you'll probably find yourself in therapy for years on end with little to no progress. That is, your therapist is letting you skirt personal responsibility for problems in your life (including skirting personal responsibility for HOW and WHAT you think).

Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, or one of its progeny, has become the treatment of choice for a wide range of issues that underlie OCD to drug addiction. Many people get caught up in their emotions and work to change them. This method is backwards. By and large, one's emotions are a byproduct of what or how one thinks. Change your thinking, and your emotions will follow. For example, if you want to be happy (basically an emotion), change how you think, and you will be happy. Often, changing your thinking is simply a paradigm shift (not always, of course...shifts won't do a lot for psychosis). Of course without CONSISTENT APPLICATION of these techniques, no advice or therapy is helpful. Change to a better life never falls on one's head while lounging by the pool, sitting in front of a TV or reading yet another self-help book (your thirtieth). If you don't APPLY these changes, your life will never change, regardless of who and what your spouse, children, parents, the auto mechanic or your neighbor does. That's not to say that if any of these people are abusive/evil (vs. sometimes annoying), you don't need to remove yourself from a connection with them. That's part of taking responsibility for your life/yourself. Sometimes applying these changes in thinking requires enormous effort initially. Withstand the discomfort, frustration and one step backwards after three steps forward! It WILL become easier and effortless with practice and time. All of these life observations and advice are part of this book.

As in most of Dr. Laura's books, a recapitulation or sound bite from a call to her talk radio program is woven throughout the text with added commentary. I believe this is helpful in personalizing the advice, as well as reminding the reader that he or she is "not alone" in their issues.

One thing in particular that I liked about this book vs. books in the same vein by other authors is that Dr. Laura gives better insight into what selfishness and/or self-centeredness is and how to change it (which in the end "gets" you more than being selfish or self-centered). So many books advise one to "get out" and do for others (charity work for example). What self-centered people have been neglecting is not charities, but their own significant others, children, jobs, elderly parents, etc. These are one's primary obligations and responsibilities and the first things/people they should begin "giving to" in order to unlearn selfishness and have a more fulfilling life. I can't imagine that a neglected family is going to see or feel a change in their spouse/parent (or their importance to him/her) when he/she ditches the golf clubs and spends Saturdays and Sundays at the soup kitchen instead of the golf course. Nor would this "window dressing behavior" bring about this spouse/parent feeling more fulfilled, connected or less self-centered. By all means, reduce your "me time" and "me thoughts" and give to others "outside" your primary obligations, but only after you have given to those who are dependent on you or make/have made sacrifices for you.

The last chapter of the book summarizes the steps necessary to make a big dent in your life and happiness level. If used as a guide that you stick to (i.e. APPLY CONSISTENTLY), you can't help but have a much better life. While I am less of a fan of Dr. Laura herself (some of her issues have issues ;-) than I am a fan of her advice, (which is usually SPOT ON), she too is growing like all of us, and demonstrates this expressly in her latest book ("Stop Whining..."). Nonetheless, this book coupled with one of her earlier written "Ten Stupid Things Men/Women..." would, in and of themselves, be excellent guides for anyone on this planet. They should be required reading for everyone, the latter especially for your mid to late teen children.

I requested this from my library and almost tossed it back when I saw who the author was, I'm glad I didn't. The most beneficial parts of this book is the explanation that working with a therapist who wants to have a pity party is not helpful. As for closure, she's right, odds are you're never going to get the apology and repentance that you are hoping for. Even if you do, is that going to make the memories go away?

The reason that I only gave it three stars is that she never seems to get to a solution for reactionary living. Sure, she points out that living in a reactive state isn't helpful, but never really gets into how to retrain your mind to get out of that way of thinking.

First I would like to thank the kind the store customers who have struggled in the muddy depths reliving their bad childhoods for taking the time to write a review -letting me know this book was worth the read. I concur and thank you. This book firmly took me by the shoulders and pointed me in a different direction. I have been trying to get out of my hole now for years but was stuck. Dr. Laura lays it all out -covers just about all the key points of your resistance. The rules of life-it stops the confusion, it empowers you in your decisions and gives you a new attiude. I have difficulty listening to her on the radio-she moves too fast for me-I dont think she realizes that she is a pro rabbit darting to the goal at hyperspeed and I am a turtle-an abused confused normal mortal. If you need a 80$ an hour psych type to hold your hand so you can whine for a few years till you get it, this book is not going to serve you. I took my time reading this book-and even though I already understood most of what she was explaining with great examples from callers on her show, -my humble opinion is, I believe the power of Dr. Lauras' message will change a part of my life I have been tortured with for the better.

After reading this book I realized that my childhood was not all that bad. I think the book made some very excellent points. I would have given it 5 stars had my childhood been a lot worse and therefore more parts of the book were relevant to me. Overall I would recommend this book.

Although I am the product of divorce and an alcoholic parent, I always considered myself as having had a relatively good childhood. Granted, even after 14 years of marriage to a wonderful man, I still feel as if he's going to find someone else and leave me. It wasn't until I read this book on my mother's recommendation and realized that I was quite effected by my parents divorce, much more so that I had previously thought. While I didn't see myself in all the scenerios Dr. Schlessinger wrote about, I was able to see various aspects of my life, aspects that I am quite unhappy about and am now changing. I found this book helpful to a better understanding of myself and my actions towards others, especially my husband and our children.

I posted here on Febuary 24th. I forgot my password, thus had to create another the store "me." I bought Bad Childhood Good Life at an airport bookstore. I've been so busy. Finally today, I finished it. In fairness to Dr. Laura, since my last review announced that I had just bought her book, I wanted to check back in with a report. As you can see, I gave this book 5 stars. I have noticed that there are a lot of books that deal with helping a person to deal with their own past, including of course, their childhood. From what I have heard from a few trusted friends who read more than I do, the wrong book can make you feel worse than you did before you read it. I believe one has to be "choosey" in this area.

Dr. Laura's book was a great help to me. It was very well written. And as I thought, it was helpful in bringing me further along on the new and "right" road that I am now traveling. I thank the Lord for people that have been put here that can help those of us that need it. I really do feel a lot different than I did a few months ago. I feel better, and I am more happy. I smile more, and this book is one of the reasons why. I must say that the two best non-fiction books that I have read in years, are this one, and of course Passenger's Side which I mentioned last month. Read them both!

I will never again underestimate the potential power of a great book.

Dr. Laura has provided an invaluable insight in the understanding of childhood disapointments and the power 2we have as adults to make our present day existence a happy one. Our job is to fill our lives with so many positive and uplifting experiences and people that we no longer have the time or energy to lament the past. Sound advice indeed.

I overheard a conversation between two people talking about Bad Childhood Good Life in my grocery stores book section. It appeared they didn't know each other, but one seemed to be recommending it to the other. This prompted me to go look it up online. Although I wasn't really in the market for a self help book, I must say that I'm glad I got it.
Dr. Laura's approach was one that works for me. I can see by some other reviews that it may not work for everyone, but ultimately I felt that it helped me deal with some things. In my case it wasn't early childhood but the high school years and beyond that were tough. Although no book perfectly suits everyone's personality, there is enough good information in this book that if you are really wanting to better yourself emotionally this will most likely help you.

I was scheptical when i ordered this book, When i started reading it I could not stop, After years of counseling, this book was the affirmation of what had happend to me and it was not my fault. Dr Laura is the best. This is the first book I read of hers, after reading this one I will buy more. I wish she would write another one regarding bad parenting and childhoods,

This book was suggested by my counselor. Little did I know that this purchase would change my thinking of my experiences in life. I would suggest this book to anyone who struggles not only with thier childhood experineces but also with life in the present. I have really decided which "wolf" to feed in my mind. I choose the one who is good, patient, and perservering through this life of other people just like me who make choices that sometimes dissapoint others.

I called the Dr. Laura show, and after speaking with her she sent me this book. I cried my way through it as my pain was acknowledge. While at the same time, I also felt liberated to finally let go of the pain that I have allowed to hold me back all these years. Awesome book, thank you Dr. Laura.

Yes a very excellent book from Dr.Laura! I thought she would be very strict as she is on her radio program..but she wasn't that bad in this book! Very straight forward..Helped me understand that you can go on after your bad childhood,life and the way you make it is now in your hands. The stories are amazing,Highly recommended book!

'Instead of resolving to lose these pesky 10 pounds, 2006 may be the perfect time to stop letting a bad childhood ruin another year,' says Schlessinger, author of seven New York Times bestsellers and host of an internationally syndicated radio talk show.

Despite what you might think of her views and opinions, her books continue to address specific personal issues we've all felt at some time in our lives.

- GiddyupGuy

This book is a compilation of phone calls that Dr. Laura received on her radio show. Although they were excellent examples of the wisdom she shares, there wasn't much practical advice on how to overcome a childhood of abuse and live a fulfilling life without that baggage. I walked away from this book feeling better because I knew I wasn't alone in this struggle, but there wasn't much guidance to inspire change in my life.

For anyone trying to heal from childhood abuse, I would recommend reading "Reinventing Your Life: The Breakthrough Program to End Negative Behavior...and Feel Great Again" by Jeffrey Young. This book is much more intensive and focuses on healing the source of your problems.Reinventing Your Life: The Breakthough Program to End Negative Behavior...and Feel Great Again

I really hope Dr. Laura reads her reviews. She needs to feel the hugs and thanks for her writing. Everything I went through as a child and the effects later in life are discussed in this book. It all makes sense! I am not a victim, I am not a survivor...I am a conquerer! Read this and let all the skeleton's go. Know that you are not alone in your struggle. Read this book, now!

Dr. Laura is a seriously deluded person if she thinks she is helping anybody. My mother got this book from the library and set it on the coffee table apparently hoping I would read it. I skimmed through it enough to see how harmful and hurtful it is. If you have done any inner child work, you will probably see this too. Dr. Laura quotes calls from her radio show. She is apparently even more deluded than Dr. Phil, who thinks he can fix people's problems in 30 minutes. She thinks she can fix them in 5. What I saw in her quotes was her completely ignoring her callers and pushing her own agenda.
Dr. Laura's whole thesis seems to be that people actively choose to stay stuck. This is bizarre to me. No one wakes up in the morning and says, hmmm I think I want to be stuck and depressed today.

I highly recommend that anyone who has read or is considering reading this book also read Toxic Parents by Dr. Susan Forward. It has helped me tremendously to see and confront the true source of my suffering, which, rather than blame people for dwelling in their past, shows you why it is natural to do so and how to process the the past in such a way that you can integrate it into your life and not kill off the painful parts of what you are.

Thank God I got this book from the library instead of buying it. I can boil Dr. Laura's advice down to three words: "Get over it!" There is NO good advice in this book, just the repeated exhortation to put it all behind you. Well, some of us can't and the title of her book is VERY misleading. Give this one a pass.

Finally! Where was this information decades ago. I am now able to strop being a survivor & am now a conquerer. A must read for so many who have had toxic families & are trying to STOP the cycle.