Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity

I have to agree with the other reviewers that this is a very good book. I am a pretty tough critic, who reserves five stars for books that change my life. While this book fell just short of that classification, I can say that my life is a little easier/better after reading it.

If you are reading these reviews, you probably have some experience with the subject. For that, I offer you my condolences. The good news is two-fold. First, it gets better with time. Second, books like this one can help you along the way.

Dr. Glass makes no secret of the fact that she is a big advocate of trying to fix the relationship. Therefore, roughly half of the book is devoted to doing that. She also does not hesitate to say when she is not in the majority about some issue. That is, several times she says what most therapists believe, and then explains why she feels otherwise. It's nice to get both sides of the story so you can make your own decision...most of the time I agreed with the author.

But what I like most about this book is that it gives the perspective of all those involved. It covers the betrayed, the betrayer, and the outsider who the betrayer had the affair with. Therefore, it helps you look at the situation from the other person's point of view. While you might think you don't care about his/her side of the story, it is really important for your own "recovery."

This is the book for you if you are struggling with questions like: Why did this happen? What do we do now? Is the marriage worth trying to save? If so, how do we do it? I personally did not read all of the chapters. My marriage is long over and I was just looking for a book to help give me closure. I think this did it for me. I kind of wish I had found this book shortly after my ex-wife's affair. It might not have changed whether or not we would have stayed together, but it would have made the last nine months a whole lot easier.

I bought 3 books that appeared to be similar, and this has blown the others out of the water.

This book changed my marriage and I believe my life. I can't say enough just how great this book has been.

It will force you to face up to important questions about you, your partner, and your relationship. It will produce a lot of emotions, some positive and some negative, but in the process, you will find the answers you need and be able to make the necessary changes.

I'm 2/3 of the way through the book, just to the part where it gives practical application tools. This isn't an "easy" read; I've needed to take it a little bit at a time in order to handle all the emotions and issues resurfacing as a result.

The quizzes and questionnaires regarding your partner/you/you marriage are incredibly helpful.

I can't say enough, if you are in a tough spot in your marriage, or smart enough to plan ahead in order to avoid a tough spot, BUY THIS BOOK NOW. Invest in your marriage.

this book helped me understand the way different types of couples experience infidelity and the emotions that go along with it . I highly recommend it if you are looking to understand how this is possible in a good marriage, and many more scenarios.

Outstanding advice not just for those impacted by an affair, but those seeking to safeguard their marriage against a very real threat. It's strength is in conveying a very in-depth understanding on how several factors (vulnerabilities) contribute to infidelity - individual, sociocultural and marital. The author also offers truly useful advice that will help all three people involved move through this difficult time. The information will enrich anyone's understanding of intimate relationships, not just those presently in danger. I seriously doubt there is a better book on the descent into, experience of, and recovery from affairs.

This book is definitely geared towards recovering a marriage. However, I found it hugely helpful for just understanding what was going on with my spouse and with me. It also provided a framework to help me get to a much more positive place personally and to want to build a more positive relationship with my unfaithful spouse. I wish my husband had been willing to make the effort to read the book but I think he found the first section pretty damning for the cheating spouse and couldn't stomach the rest of it.

If you think that the infidelity is the result of a midlife crisis, I'd also recommend 'How to Survive Your Husband's Midlife Crisis' by Gaudette and Courter.

A balanced, not preachy, approach to understanding and moving past the devastation of infidelity. If you want to get past an affair, and rebuild your marriage, this is a very helpful book. It validates the emotions both people are feeling, and gives some very specific advice on how to communicate and act to give yourselves the best chance for reconciliation.

If reconciliation is not an option, I would still recommend this book for the betrayed spouse. I confirms all of your crazy emotions a valid and helps begin the healing process.

I hope you never need a book like this, but if you do, this is the one to read.

Good luck.

Amazing insight into one of the fastest growing forms of infidelity. Appropriately titled...a Must Read for the Unfaithful Partner to admitting the AFFAIR and how far a cheating partner is willing to go for the thrill of it all. Perhaps a second book "Not Just Talking" would be a good followup to this. Didn't agree 100% with total content and the book didn't spend enough time "coming clean" and "rebuilding trust".

the information was very helpful in developing a plan to protect our marriage and family from outside threats. I would recommend this book to anyone who thinks you can have a successful relationship without putting in the work. The material offered ways to build new skills to have a happy and healthy relationship.

Really insightful and down to earth. I am so glad I read this book. My only regret is not having read it 6 months ago - it could have saved me from a lot of issues. I would recommend not waiting - read it now!

Well worth the read. Some pretty eye-opening revelations to understand why wayward spouses do what they do, and how to cope with this life altering event. Get your wayward spouse to read it as well. You'll be glad you did,

I like how anyone involved in the affair can benefit from reading this book. It normalizes feelings and reactions without judging and can predict any number of possible situations that occur after the affair. Really practical advice: "you may be experiencing this and this. Here's what you do." This book could even be helpful for preventing affairs in that her theory is that affairs occur because of blurred boundaries. No relationship is immune. Comforting and scary.

Simply fantastic. Gives full credence to the pain the betrayed partner goes through without ripping up the betraying partner. Quotes statistics, is no nonsense, gives excellent PRACTICAL advice for how to move on. Even explains the point of view of the other woman or man-what they might have invested.

I have a master's degree, betraying partner has a PhD, between us we found most books too difficult to slog through. Not this book. Plain, simple, elegant, and willing to hope. I cannot say enough good about it. May buy a second copy just so my spouse can have own!

I am a psychologist who works with individuals and couples. Infidelity (the major topic of this superb book) is a not infrequent issue. I heartily recommend this book to therapists and to couples; not just how to recover from infidelity, but what steps to take to diminish the likelihood of its occurrence.

As a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist I work with many couples who are/have experienced affairs in their relationships. This book is very balanced and looks at both sides of the issue. Couples who have read it report they have found it very helpful in repairing the damage to their marriage caused by one partner's infidelity.

I have read almost every book on infidelity, and this is the ONE that I recommend. It treats infidelity like the trauma that it is. The author gives very specific advice how to overcome and rebuild. She gives a great metaphor of relationships like houses with windows, doors and rooms to each other and how to guard your garden to avoid infidelity's slipery slope.

She also covers how and why the betrayed spouse needs to piece together the past to understand what was real and what was false in their life and marriage - putting the pieces of the puzzle together and how important it is for the infidel spouse to help in that process. The book covers everything from the trends in the last 10 years rise of women in the work place, electronic communications, etc. and impact on infidelity and the myth that it only happens in bad marriages. She then moves through how infidelity occurs, how to protect against it, discovery, deciding to stay or split and reconciliation / rebuilding including communication coaching for the spouses that chose to rebuild their "shattered vase with super glue" to make their marriage stronger and better than before.

If the author could add something, it would be nice to touch on the meaning of specifics in affairs. For example, what does it mean that an infidel spouse never intends to divorce yet takes photos with their lover, which sooner or later will be found (self-destructive, wants to be left but won't actively leave). Also, what about revenge affairs? This isn't covered in the book. Many betrayed spouses feel it's only fair to revenge affair or to create a plan-B in case the marriage doesn't work out. It would be nice if the author would expand on these topics

Well balanced and effectively written. Highly recommend it compared to the other books I've read! Interesting points to consider in almost all the example situations even if they aren't applicable to your own situation. In todays work place environment, I think all married people could benefit from understanding points raised in this book.

Excellent book. The long list of cases help examplify and drive home the points. Easy to read and you feel like in a therapist's office - you can say or feel no wrong. Dr. Glass is here to help you, not judge you.

This book helps you broach an incredibly difficult and painful topic from a lot of different angles that, while not easy, make the conversation safe to have for everyone involved. It also walks you through decision-making in a non-pushy, non-threatening way. Truly, this book is invaluable.

This book covers just about all areas of affairs.
It is written in an approchable style with variation of presentations.
It is informative and seems to be reliable.
The only aspect left out, is how children and communication in families can be affected by affairs. But the book does not promise any covering of this matter.
I am glad I got this book from the store.
Many thanks.
Erla

This book is the absolute perfect, perfect, perfect book for anyone dealing with recovering from infidelity! It is worth more than any of the money we have spent in paying a therapist. She covers everything so thoroughly and helps the deceived partner to find a way to finally heal while also helping the involved partner to understand the depth of what they have done while also finding a way to rebuild their partner and themselves. It was a godsend!

I highly recommend this book to anyone in a relationship. It does a great job of explaining how a platonic relationship can turn into an "emotional affair" which will likely lead to a physical relationship. It definitely forewarns you of what can happen even if you truly belief your spouse/partner would never stray. Wish this was required reading for engaged couples. We are all sinners striving to be saints.

Excellent read for clients and therapists. Highly recommend! Shirley Glass covers all the bases and angles on this difficult and challenging topic.
David Nowland Psychologist www.davidnowland.com.au

In my desperation to find the reason for my husbands affair and to reclaim my sanity I was directed to this book by my counselor. The book is a great guide and takes you step-by-step through the recovery process after the trauma of an affair. While it helped us, it also hurt us. Before we started reading the book we had already talked about many of the aspect of his affair and his decision to have sex with the trashy whore. When the book ask us to discuss those things again it brought back all of the pain, humiliation, anger, and rage that I felt in the early days after his disclosure of the affair. It was difficult to go back to those discussions and set us back on our road to recovery. It took us weeks of discussions and counseling to get us back on track toward recovery and trust.

This book is for both people who are wiling to work on their marriage and forgiveness of the unfaithful spouse and the person who is traveling that road alone. It is a good book and a great resource. I would recommend it to anyone who is suffering the trauma and aftermath of an affair. If you are, I am so sorry and I hope you find healing and peace.

My husband had his second affair (that I know of) last summer. I couldn't get over my bitterness and I couldn't sort out my feelings. He is of no help, thinking that everything should just "get back to normal". All my feelings were in black and white in this book. How the affair played out was in black and white in this book. It felt so good to know that I wasn't crazy, that my instincts were correct, I would read something and just think "YES! That is exactly what happened/what I'm going through/what I need to heal!" My marriage may not survive, but at least I felt validation after reading this book, and that is what I needed most.

Every married person needs to read this book. It is so much more than a book about affairs. It's a relationship book and it gives guidelines to avoid inappropriate relationships with the opposite sex. It also teaches you to trust your gut. If something feels wrong it probably is.