Discovering What Death Can Teach Us About Living Fully

For six years as a volunteer at Zen Hospice Project in San Francisco, I was blessed to have Frank Ostaseski as my teacher. He and the hospice residents we served helped me better understand death, dying, and ... living more fully. Those teachings continue to inform my life.

Now, Frank has captured the wisdom of a lifetime of service in a new book that will enlighten all who want to open their hearts and live life in a more loving and heart-full way.

Frank has finally put into print the remarkable and inspiring teachings he has so effectively shared with those of us who have had the good fortune of learning from him in person. This book is authentic, personal, and real. It truly is an invitation and a guide on how to live a full, kind, and meaningful life. It is a book to be read over and over again. Susan Poloway LCSW

The Five Invitations: I was disappointed in the book, compared with Frank Ostaseki's videos. The Four Things That Matter Most, by Ira Byock, seems more on point. Both, however, are helpful to those serving the dying.

For six years as a volunteer at Zen Hospice Project in San Francisco, I was blessed to have Frank Ostaseski as my teacher. He and the hospice residents we served helped me better understand death, dying, and ... living more fully. Those teachings continue to inform my life.

Now, Frank has captured the wisdom of a lifetime of service in a new book that will enlighten all who want to open their hearts and live life in a more loving and heart-full way.

Frank has finally put into print the remarkable and inspiring teachings he has so effectively shared with those of us who have had the good fortune of learning from him in person. This book is authentic, personal, and real. It truly is an invitation and a guide on how to live a full, kind, and meaningful life. It is a book to be read over and over again. Susan Poloway LCSW

The Five Invitations: I was disappointed in the book, compared with Frank Ostaseki's videos. The Four Things That Matter Most, by Ira Byock, seems more on point. Both, however, are helpful to those serving the dying.

The book left me disappointed. It contains too many stories in which the author or somebody else was helpless until he/she discovered how to respond to the difficult situation. I couldn’t find in the stories and the subsequent lecturing much convincing material about what can be thought by death. In certain parts, the book is getting better. But there is absolutely nothing original in this book, it’s more or less the repetition of Buddhist concepts already presented by other authors.

Buddhism is well-known for its plethora of numbered lists. To name but a few, we have the three jewels, the three poisons, the four noble truths, the four foundations, the five hindrances, the eightfold noble path, the ten paramis. Now, to this abundant collection of lists, first-time author Frank Ostaseski has added his own, the five invitations. It’s a worthy, and a welcome, contribution.

Ostaseski, a cofounder of the Zen Hospice Project in San Francisco, has cared for dying patients of all ages and from all varieties of sociocultural backgrounds for over 30 years. In this book, subtitled “Discovering What Death Can Teach Us About Living Fully”, he distills half a lifetime’s worth of experiences into nearly three-hundred pages filled with personal anecdotes, patients’ stories, and Buddhist wisdom.

When reading books by authors with backgrounds in the helping professions, I often find myself, with each passing chapter, growing more and more irritated by their excessive (in my opinion) fondness for including lengthy accounts of their past – and, unsurprisingly, nearly always successful – therapeutic interventions with their clients. Perhaps I’m being too harsh, but I usually can’t help wondering whether these anecdotal passages have been provided not so much to augment the reader’s understanding as to amplify the author’s ego.

But I can happily report that I harbored no such suspicions as I read The Five Invitations. The numerous personal stories that fill out each chapter prove to be not mere supplemental material, but the vital source from which this book springs to life. Ostaseski makes this unmistakably clear right from the outset, when he offers his dedication “to the men, women, and children who gave me the blessing of being with their dying. My true teachers.”

The modesty contained in this opening declaration graces every page that follows. Time and again, with one dying patient after another, we witness Ostaseski exercising the wisdom to take himself out of the situation and to simply be present with his patients. He recognizes that the dying that is taking place in his presence belongs to his patient, who needs to experience it on his or her terms alone, without any unhelpful and unneeded counsel from him. From his example, we begin to grasp the intellectually challenging Buddhist concept of “no-self” in a new experiential sense that goes far deeper than any conceptual understanding we may already have.

This deepened understanding and heightened appreciation of core Buddhist teachings is the extraordinary benefit that this unique book offers its readers. The five “invitations” themselves (“don’t wait”, “welcome everything, push away nothing”, “bring your whole self to the experience”, “find a place of rest in the middle of things”, and “cultivate don’t know mind”) will be quite familiar to most practitioners. They are all about embracing impermanence, letting go of grasping, and cultivating equanimity – cornerstones of the dharma. What makes them resonate in such a new and compelling way as we read The Five Invitations is how we come to see the crucial role they play in dying skillfully as well.

From his decades of compassionate work with the dying, Ostaseski has come to see that the wisdom that can emerge naturally at the end of our lives, in the process of dying, is the wisdom that is available to us at every stage of our lives preceding that final ending. In the same way that a poet’s gift is to let us see something we already know in a new light that forever transforms our understanding, so too Ostaseski’s gift to readers of this book is to transform forever how we understand the unity of living and dying, and how the dharma teachings speak so powerfully across the entirety of this unified continuum that is our life.

Frank Ostaseski has written a book that is truly an instant classic: the best book on death and dying I know of and - even more impressively - a book which shows us how to live the liberating teachings of the Buddha in each moment.

There is much hard-won wisdom here but what I am struck by over and over is the author's warmth, compassion and humor. The text flows like a river, with each of the five invitations being illustrated with deeply moving real-life stories. There are a small handful of other books on these topics (Stephen and Ondrea Levine's "A Year fo Live," Rodney Smith's "Lessons from the Dying" and Larry Rosenberg's "Living in the Light of Death") but I find "The Five Invitations" to be simultaneously more accessible and more profound than anything that has come before.

Whatever you do, don't miss the opportunity to experience this book both in print and in its audio version read by the author (Kindle makes this very easy!). Mr. Ostaseski's warmth comes through loud and clear even in the print version but hearing him read it is both moving and healing. This is a book I will share with everyone I know.

“Forgiveness is not an occasional act, it is a constant attitude.” “Barn’s burnt down – Now I can see the moon.” Gems like these, by Martin Luther King, Jr., and Mizuta Mashide, respectively, are examples of the epigraphs that Frank Ostaseski has carefully selected for each section of his own gem, The Five Invitations: Discovering What Death Can Teach Us About Living Fully. The epigraphs alone are worth the price of admission, but don’t stop there.
The invitations – Don’t wait; welcome everything, push away nothing; bring your whole self to the experience; find a place of rest in the middle of things; and cultivate don’t know mind – are more than principles for caring for the dying. As the subtitle suggests, they a roadmap for successful living. I invoke them daily. My wife has the second invitation posted on our kitchen wall and in her Reiki studio.
Frank invitations are borne from his bedside experience at San Francisco’s Zen Hospice Project, and refracted through the prism of his Buddhist practice. Refracted, as well, I’m sure, through his own brush with death – he had a serious heart attack and cardiac bypass surgery several years ago. Frank is also a wildly engaging teacher, and if you haven’t had the opportunity to learn with him in person, this book is essential reading. It’s a distillation of his experience and teachings, interwoven with the stories of the men and women he has cared for – and learned from – at the end of their lives.
Disclosure: I was a student of Frank’s for his inaugural, yearlong Metta Institute program on caring for people at the end of life. The experience, and particularly these five invitations, forever changed my relationship with my patients, my friends and family, the barista at Starbucks, the homeless person I see every morning down the block, and, well, everyone, including myself.
Do yourself a great favor – accept these invitations.

Frank Ostaseski , invites us to embrace death as a doorway to a more intimate and deeper relationship with life. He guides us towards this door way tenderly with great love and compassion offering his 30 years of cultivated wisdom from serving at the bedside of the dying, precious moments and dialogues with patients and their families and personal reflections of his own times of illness and vulnerability. The authentic and richly down to earth approach of this book allows for that which is sacred to be witnessed, held and integrated in the moment. This book made me feel alive while I was reading it. It is one that I will read many times One of my favorite lines by a woman whose husband has just died is.” I thought he would be gone but now he’s everywhere.” This book is a blessing.

Frank Ostaseski tells us beautiful stories of those with who he worked at the Zen Center Hospice in San Francisco. His tender-hearted stories remind us to use death as our advisor to inspire us to live as fully as we possibly can right now. Don’t miss this wisdom filled book!
Linda Bloom-Co-author of 101 Things I Wish I Knew When I Got Married: Simple Lessons to Make Love Last

The following quote from this deeply moving book was one that reflects the way I hope to work and be in relationship to the world around me. I offer it to you as an invitation to read and reread this journey of heart and soul nourishment from Frank Ostaseski.

"Sharing our stories helps us to heal. Intuitively, I sensed that the greatest gift I could offer Travis in that moment was my attention. Listening without judgement is probably the simplest, most profound way to connect. It is an act of love."

Frank Ostaseski has spent his professional life working with people transitioning from life to death. His sharp mind, warm heart and willingness to be open during the passages he attended makes him uniquely qualified to offer guidance to others. The Five Invitations is filled with anecdotes and sage counsel that is relevant for professionals and lay people alike. It's a transition that we all make and this book is a tremendous resource that offers invaluable insight and comfort. But rather than simply being a guide that helps us navigate the death process with patients or loved ones, this book reminds us that being present can help us lead a more fulfilling life before we make that final transition ourselves. No matter what your profession or stage of life, this is a book that's well worth the read.

For me, my recent investigations of death and dying are akin to my pre parenting-phase reading. I suppose I feel even less prepared (if that's possible) for the upcoming inevitables. I guess I'd hoped I would be more sure on my feet by this point. Either way, of the reading and course work I've been consuming lately this book has been the standout. Powerful. Practical. Intimate. Honest. And beautifully phrased. If you can get your hands on a copy, do. Not sure if any of my efforts will prop me up thru the end games but this book is worth the read either way.

I'm still processing and learning from Frank Ostaseski's book "The Five Invitations." His words are filled with compassion, wisdom and presence. "The Five Invitations" are:
• Don't wait
• Welcome Everything, Push Away Nothing
• Bring Your Whole Self to the Experience
• Find a Place of Rest in the Middle of Things
• Cultivate Don't Know Mind
His teachings and stories have opened up my heart in a deeper way. Welcome this book. Bring your whole self to his words. Be open and curious as you read it. And consider it a deep and meaningful gift you are giving yourself. In the moment.

The Five Invitations by Frank Ostaseski is a splendid book that suggests we can have a more fulfilling human experience if we are willing to open our minds and hearts sufficiently to allow death to be a part of our lives. Today’s society largely considers the topic of death to be a taboo topic and therefore avoids it until more-than-subtle reminders, often unexpectedly, arise showing us the tenuous nature of life.

Life is a dance in which we encounter numerous partners who come forward periodically to lead us and inspire us. Rarely is death one of those partners. The Five Invitations shows us ways to begin and learn to dance with death. Frank does this so eloquently by weaving stories of his own life with his caregiving experiences at the bedside of hospice patients. As Frank’s intimate stories illustrate, there is no better seat than the bedside to witness what death can teach us.

As Frank goes on to illustrate, there are many ways to have this experience and learn without necessarily sitting at the bedside. Life will present us with many opportunities but we will miss those opportunities if we do not first inform ourselves of such opportunities. There is no better book to learn from than the Five Invitations.

Greg Schneider, Founder & President, Hospice Volunteer Association

Like a Zen koan, Frank Ostaseski masterfully leads us through the paradox of what it means to be human, fully alive, yet dying moment by moment with each breath. The stories and realizations of his own journey as a Buddhist practitioner and renowned teacher are relayed with simplicity, elegance and such grace it would be easy to mistake this book and not see it for what it is--one person's courage, perseverance and commitment to bear witness to the raw immediateness of living daily at death's threshold with others. "The Five Invitations" is the culmination of a lifetime of work, to bring dignity to individuals the dying process through the (r)evolution of the now famous Zen Hospice Project and the Metta Institute's End of Life collective work. In sharing this profound spiritual path of his own life's discoveries and unfolding journey, Ostaseski maps out how we too, can bring forth our unexplored character qualities and develop the innate capacity of fearlessness, equanimity, love and compassion, presence, humility, etc. Through facing our own death we also embrace life... a journey and book not to be missed!

In this book, Frank Ostaseski presents us with The 5 Invitations, the bedrock principles of the powerful and life-changing Metta Institute “End of Life Care Practitioner Program”. These invitations are companions on the journey of accompanying the dying.

These principles come from Frank’s years of love and compassionate service at the bedside of those who are dying. He has lived these teachings. However, this book is not just about serving those who are dying; it offers us so much more – a wise and accessible guide on how we may live life in each moment.

Being with those who are dying, in our work and in our personal life, can be difficult, messy, heart and soul-wrenching work. Frank shows us a way to move with it, generously offered with heartfelt depth from his own lived experiences.

While some of the teachings are offered from a Zen Buddhist perspective, the reader does not have to be Buddhist nor know any Buddhist terminology in order to receive benefit from reading this book.

This is a book to savor and reflect upon, beautifully written and deeply offered. You will be rewarded for opening this book.

Through the wisdom absorbed from his own personal suffering and decades of compassionate care for the dying Frank Ostaseski invites us to live life fully as we move toward death. The acceptance of our dying and of the dying of those near to us is an opportunity to enrich the moment.
My ailing sister finished reading this book and spoke for the first time with her children about how she no longer wanted to resist dying but instead to open to it. She said that she felt a lightness in her heart and within her family that neither she nor they had not previously experienced.

Frank Ostaseski's book, The Five Invitations, is a compassionate, loving guidebook for all of us, the living and the dying. He has evolved into an "Everyman" who has served, inspired and been inspired by the myriad of humankind life has gifted his journey with.

Mature hope empowers us with the light of flexibility, in order to cope beautifully with challenges we will always encounter. Forgiveness is for the forgiver, to bring breath and space to hardness and stagnation in our hearts. These are only a couple of invaluable insights-tools Frank has shared so eloquently and heart-wisely, and I am moved.

I will be sharing The Five Invitations with many loved ones.---Mona K.-B.

In this book, Frank Ostaseski shows us how to soften in the face of death and loss, to turn toward these experiences, and he affirms the life-giving power of this choice. He is masterful at this precise moment in our lives, which we encounter again and again. His writing is fluid, gentle, and beckons us forward into this territory, at precisely the moment when we most need such encouragement. The book has clarity and feels deep and wise. I love the stories he uses to illuminate his meaning. His life, as he writes about it, and his book attest to the transformative power of embracing these difficult moments in our lives.

Frank Ostaseski has written a book that is rich and accessible to both seasoned end of life professionals as well as laypeople and those who simply want to understand more about why death and dying matter so much to those who truly want to live. The Five Invitations is a beautiful tapestry of deeply vulnerable personal stories from the author's own experience woven together with the kind of wisdom that brings you gently back to those most important things that you forgot to remember...about how the ever-present reality of our own mortality can be a source of vitality and clarity when we turn toward it with gentleness and curiosity. This book is a gorgeous and realistic how-to for anyone who is looking for guidance about how to be honest about what it is to be a feeling, loving, thinking human being.

Frank Ostaseski, a deeply wise and compassionate Buddhist teacher, has written one of those rare books with the transformative power to inspire the best in all of us. It is an extremely valuable resource for all those who seek to be more aware and to serve others. Reading this insightful book left me with two distinct thoughts: First, may this book contribute to making all beings happy and second, may many of those beings read THE FIVE INVITATIONS.

Charles Garfield, Ph.D.
Founder, Shanti Project

Seriously good book. I have waited for Frank's next book /cd and this does not disappoint. For someone who wants to understand what is required to be with those at end of life and their loved ones...this is the book i wholeheartedly recommend.

Frank is a treasure. Every chapter of this book reflects his personal journey with life's challenges to find his own authentic voice. His wisdom and compassionate presence has been my invaluable guide that has inspired my work with others. This is a book I will re-read many times to help me find my own authentic voice. It is a book that will find its way in the library of not only everyone who works in the palliative care and hospice field, but will also be of immense benefit to others who value a skillful and compassionate presence in relating with others.

Frank Ostaseski embodies Wisdom. In The Five Invitations he distills a lifetime of showing up at the
bedside for the unknown with a soulful perspective and practical guidance.
In attending to and witnessing loss of any kind we are encouraged to embrace constant change.
Live fully given our present condition. It is a fierce practice to move towards what hurts
and to bear witness with the possibility of healing.
This is a vulnerable and courageous exploration of our experience as it unfolds.”
The Five Invitations has been a lifeline to me as I have been healing from surgery and the challenges of
fatigue, hunger and accepting help. I am immensely grateful, It is a timely and invaluable guide.
Dahlia Kamesar

Reading it for the second time in two weeks. Ordered a copy for my wife and her friend. I highly recommend this book on dying, being with someone in the process and helping each of us to prepare for our own death. This is living Buddhism to me. Thank you Frank.

Very profound. I am honored to have met Frank Ostaseski in 2015, his shared experiences helped me when my friend passed unexpectedly that year. In awe of how he bears witness to the most intimate of human experiences. How he steps up and does not back away from those who are passing. Still allowing them to lead the way. The Five Invitations is inspiring.

Reading this book was a beautiful reminder of the wisdom I have heard Frank share at medical conferences, meditation retreats, and professional workshops. His guidance has deepened my relationships with people I have served in my role as a palliative care physician by simply recognizing all of our shared humanity. By choosing to read this book, you decide to turn towards death which as Frank states is an act of courage in itself. By doing so, you open your heart to your most authentic self. "Life and Death are of extreme importance. Life passes quickly and opportunity is lost." (Frank O.) Don't wait...start reading this book now!

One of the most profoundly inspiring books i have ever read!
A true balm for the soul!!!!
Ever so grateful!
Thanks for the generosity, sincerity, truthfulness, beauty and heartfulness of your sharing!

Frank is an awesome spiritual teacher and the Five Invitations is filled with amazing stories - organized around 5 teachings: "Don't Wait", "Welcome Everything, Push away Nothing", "Bring your Whole Self to the Experience", "Find a Place on the Middle of Things", and "Cultivate Don't Know Mind". Frank's insights gleaned as a life- long shepherd to the dying are revealed in this book of wisdom and compassion. It is a gift to all.

Frank's writing is warm, conversational, and easy to be with. This book conveys the depth of insight that he has gleaned in more than 4 decades of work in this fertile field. As most who work with the dying know, this is truly about living -- how we live meaningful, loving lives that express the full truth of who we are.

This book offers us a profound and essential teaching of how to face the great mystery of death. Frank's clarity, honesty, and poetry is thoroughly embedded in the living stories surrounding transitions- from moment to moment, from life to death. He is a powerful and stable guide gently reminding us that love is what heals and makes us ready for whatever comes next. It is a book of how to wake up and be ready for the unknowable. Frank's warmth, wisdom and kindness shines through the pages and is a great offering. I am very grateful.

Gifted this book by a colleague and really wanted to like it but I didn’t. I found his writings to be repetitive and superficial at points. He also seemed to write about specific ideas that werent his own as if they were. While he may have experience the book lacked soul. I wish I could recommend it but I can’t.

I was at a workshop that Frank presented today with our hospice agency. His book did not come up directly today at all. it is an important book. i wish that many. many people would read it and have a chance to talk about it with others. Each of us would do well to address these issues
now, regularly, with folks we trust and respect. Please accept these invitations and be better for them.
In our

I found the Five Invitations to be an inspiring, thought provoking insight into the fluidity of being-and the impermanence of everything- and that's a really good thing! It is written so honestly, personally and in such a clear way, I found I just couldn't put it down. It's not a how-to book about death and dying but rather a very uplifting book about compassion and living fully. I would highly recommend it.