The Best of Us: A Memoir

...particularly The Good Daughters, and after I read this memior, I read the novel she wrote during the time covered in the memoir: Under the Influence. It was a bit far-fetched, but I enjoyed it too.

That's why I heartily wish Maynard would stick to fiction.

There were so many things in this book I wish I didn't know! SPOILERS...: the slip and slide way she lives; the way she took over this man's life after she realized disappointing her was his worst fear; that she insisted on inhabiting his hospital bed day and night, no matter IVs and surgical drains; that she begged new mothers on Facebook to send her colostrum because in her own mind that might be a miracle cure for pancreatic cancer. No boundary too tough for Joyce to cross.

The memoir made me very sad for her husband. His exhaustion was palpable; her repeated complaining about how slow he became intolerable.

Her narration on Audible was excellent.

And as I said, her fiction is just fine.

The Best of Us: A Memoir by Joyce Maynard
Sept 2017

I received this digital book from Bloomsbury Publishing via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

What a touching and honest memoir! Joyce Maynard displays remarkable strength in sharing her story. Every author has a story to tell, not just the ones conjured up with imagination. This is a deeply personal exploration into her brief but moving relationship with her soul mate. Most divorced people will be able to relate to her quest for a meaningful relationship post divorce. Although cliche, when you least expect something wonderful to happen is when you are presented with the unexpected.

It is wonderful to read how they relished everyday together before and after Jim's diagnosis of pancreatic cancer. It is admirable the painful fight exerted against this growing "cancer" monster. They put up a vicious fight until the end. Accepting hospice is not "giving up" but a choice to once again take control over your life and death. I remember sitting with my father-in-law as he lay dying at home as he wanted. That takes courage to choose your ending by reflecting on your life and memories.

This is truly a memoir written from the heart. It is an easily read book that is hard to put down for the genuine life lessons she shares. I could feel the grief and relief to which she must have felt to confront her deepest feelings through writing. Similarly, I believe we all have painful memories of situations in which we might've handled differently in hindsight. Although, it is said that the best life lessons are learned through experience.

I had read, "Under the Influence", and had such mixed feelings about it. After reading this book, I find new meaning in those words. She was enduring her own challenges while writing that book.

"Not until we learned of his illness, and we walked the path of that terrible struggle together, did I understand what it meant to be a couple - to be a true partner and to have one. I only learned the full meaning of marriage as mine was drawing to a close. I discovered what love was as mine departed the world."

The Best of Us by Joyce Maynard is a highly recommended memoir of the author finding true love in her late fifties and then losing her beloved.

In her late fifties and after two decades of being single, Maynard begins this honest memoir stating that she was done with love and marriage. Then she met Jim on Match(dot)com and quickly changed her mind. The first part of her account is a detailed, open examination of her life and failings. She is quite open with her poor life choices and the fall-out from some of those decisions. Jim accepted her as she was and gave her the support she didn't even realize she needed. After they married it seemed that she finally had the love and a true partner for the rest of her life.

Then, just after their first anniversary, Jim was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and their dreams changed. For the next nineteen months they battled his illness together, including frequent hospital visits, surgeries, and medication. Even as the narrative becomes increasingly painful and difficult to read, it also moves closer to acceptance of the inevitable heart-break end. Maynard celebrates her once-in-a-lifetime love and the heart-wrenching experience of losing him.

This is certainly a worth-while, well-written memoir. Maynard is extremely open and honest with her life and the choices and mistakes she has made. Some of these choices were rather impulsive and made without much forethought or consideration of the outcome or wisdom of her actions. The fact that she has openly written about some of these events indicts that she chose to do so despite the fact that they may reflect on how individual readers react to her. (It should be noted that Jim and Joyce were in a much better financial situation than many who face similar trials.)

Disclosure: My review copy was courtesy of Bloomsbury USA.

This latest memoir from noted novelist and essayist Joyce Maynard, somewhat of a leading voice for her generation of Baby Boomers, tenderly recounts how she finally in her 50’s met, married, and lost the only man she had ever genuinely loved. Her husband Jim’s pancreatic cancer diagnosis and treatment serves as the framing event for the larger tale of Maynard’s coming to terms with the choices she has made throughout her life, including clearing up misconceptions about events that played out in some news quarters.

The book is divided into essentially two sections—before and after the diagnosis
--but effectively weaves in and out of time via flashbacks and personal reflections. The richest part of Maynard’s love story, paradoxically, depicts the couple’s intense fight against one of life’s most devastating cancers. We learn in exacting detail the medical ins and outs of battling pancreatic cancer, the unconventional paths taken, the triumphs met and missteps made along the way. Yet in Maynard’s skilled hands, the telling of this journey never drags readers down but instead sweeps us along on a crest of optimism. Says Maynard, “ The thing about hope is that it provides the motivation to try.” And try she does, frantically pursuing answers, researching long into the night to the neglect of her own ambitious career, flying from coast to coast and overseas, and, most rewarding, building a network of supportive friendships with other pancreatic cancer patients and their families.

At times, the author’s descriptions of jet-setting become annoying and tiresome (after all, how many of us can relate to this expensive, high-charged lifestyle, especially in the midst of fighting a terminal illness?), and Maynard could have been a bit more selective in some of her revelations. While this memoir lacks the robustness found in Maynard’s earlier writings, her supple prose, honesty, and finely detailed rendering create a vivid portrait that is nothing short of captivating.
[This review is based on galleys supplied by the publisher.]

I first became aware of Joyce Maynard when she appeared on the cover of the New York Times Sunday magazine section in the early 1970s. A picture of a fresh-faced college student smiled out at the world; the accompanying article she wrote was published in probably the most prestigious newspaper in the United States. She was a year older than me. Like Ms. Maynard, I lived in the northeast. I, too, aspired to be a writer (which did not pan out). And I was just entering college (although not in an Ivy League school as Ms. Maynard attended). I was in awe of her; my interest in her was off and running.
Over the next 40+ years, articles would pop up about and authored by Ms. Maynard, as well as TV news stories, and I would catch up on her life. It was like receiving the occasional Christmas card from a distant friend. Even though I lived around the world for over twenty years due to my career, her life seemed so exciting and accomplished…more free-spirited. She lived with a famous, reclusive author for a year! She had a vacation home in Guatemala! She skinny-dipped in lakes wherever she was! And she had a son who was a drop-dead gorgeous actor in a TV show I occasionally watched. Her novels were wonderful (an “accomplished wordsmith,” one reviewer described her writing). She was “out there” and she was honest and frank and entertaining about events in her life. So when her latest memoir hit the shelves, I was interested.
I read her memoir, The Best of Us, in two days and when I finished the last page, I slowly closed the book and quietly sat in my chair on the front porch, staring at the vista of the Blue Ridge Mountains before me. I felt drained. This book deals primarily with Ms. Maynard’s relationship with her second husband and their short-lived marriage due to his early death from pancreatic cancer. (However, Ms. Maynard is not shy about discussing other -- sometimes controversial-- issues in her life such as the emotionally devastating event that garnered her some bad publicity, i.e. adopting two children from a Third World country and then subsequently giving them up when she realized she could not adequately care for them.)
But it is her account of her marriage to Jim and his ultimate death-sentence diagnosis that makes up most of the book. I wondered, a few times when reading, if I had been holding my breath. Ms. Maynard’s story of the courageous, deliberate steps she takes to find an ultimately unsuccessful cure for her husband and how she tries to come to terms with the way both of their lives were turned upside-down is searing in its honesty. I realized one thing about myself as I was reading the final pages of the book: I never, ever would have the strength of character nor physical stamina Ms. Maynard displayed while coping with Jim’s illness during the nineteen months of his decline. My image of Ms. Maynard, based on forty years of following her, changed from a free-wheeling woman to a person who is much deeper and thoughtful -- one who has been forced to come to terms with the loss of a great love and is taking stock on how her life will now unfold alone.
I highly recommend this book to anyone. If you are a fan of Ms. Maynard’s previous writings, then this book will have special interest for you. However, even if you are not familiar with her body of work, The Best of Us: A Memoir is an inspiring story describing deep love and tenacity and compassion that any reader appreciative of stellar writing will want to read.
In the “acknowledgments” at the conclusion of the book, Ms. Maynard explains that she wrote The Best of Us “…in the hope that it will help others who walk some part of the path I have known and those lucky others who have not walked our path, in the hope that knowing our journey may inspire their own.”

I enjoyed the writing and recommend this for anyone who enjoys memoirs, biographies, or just good writing. The love story between Joyce and Jim was moving and beautiful. For me, this book was very slow, I knew going into it that Jim died of pancreatic cancer, so there was no suspense to keep me reading. Instead, I kept reading because I appreciated the writing style and the characters. However, I only read it when I was in a certain mood because 1) there was no suspense and 2) there were parts that were just hard. The honesty was painful and raw. What was happening to Joyce and Jim was hard and sad and difficult to read about. It just made me sad. Three stars instead of four because even though Joyce draws you in and makes you care about her story, it left me feeling more sad than uplifted.

I was skeptical as I began reading Joyce Maynard’s latest book. My life parallels the author’s life as far as being a woman who decides to remarry late in life after years of searching for love. I was immediately drawn in by the first chapters—her honest and humiliating dating scenarios practically made me cringe with embarrassment, because I related. About the time Joyce Maynard met her husband, ironically, I had also met mine. From there on over the next few years, however, our second marriage paths turned out very differently.

Even though I knew from the start that Joyce’s husband, Jim, would not survive, the writing kept me believing he might. Having survived my own cancer ordeal, I worried for Jim, but I couldn’t wait to see what Joyce would try next, and how she would manage to do something I had not--succeed in marriage. Ultimately, the unbeatable strain on their relationship from a devastating disease, opened her heart to succeed in love.

I listened to this book on Audible , and was happily surprised by the excellent reading by the author. I was somewhat familiar with her work before this but hadn’t read anything in a long time. I thought the story of this portion of her life, with its joys and sorrows, failures and successes, was well told. For me, it was particularly vivid as I spend much of my time both in California and in Maine, and traveling a bit, and many of the locales she describes are familiar to me. It’s a self portrait, and does reveal a lot about the author as a person. Her imperfections are laid out for us to see, and I can relate to some of them. I also like the fact that she herself recognizes them, with the sorrow all of us have when we are faced with the knowledge that we could’ve and should’ve behaved better. And that sometimes we fall sadly short of our own expectation of who we want or wanted to be. That being said , the book also brings a message of hope and healing after great loss. I’m going to revisit at At Home in the World and look forward to reading more of her work.

Every Joyce Maynard book I ever read, I have loved! She writes as though you are living inside her books. You see the things she describes, you feel the things each of the characters are feeling. She's simply brilliant in my opinion.

This book was even better than I imagined it to be. When I downloaded this book, I didn't open it for two weeks because I knew this story was going to be different. I knew I was really going to feel everything she poured into this book and I did. I felt every happy moment, every tear, and everything in between.

She's led a remarkable life and if I am ever asked again if you sit and have dinner with any author who would it be, I would say Joyce Maynard.

I won't even bother describing the details of this book because nothing I can say will add any justice to the writing of Ms. Maynard.

A heartbreaking, yet hopeful memoir by author/screenwriter Joyce Maynard---Imagine it taking until your late 50's to finally find your true love, only to lose him a few years later. We know from the start of Maynard's memoir that this chapter in her life will not have a happy ending, and yet I kept hoping for a different ending. There were men, long term and short, a marriage which produced children, but nothing really good for decades, until Maynard was caught totally off guard by love at age 56. The novel traces the romance, the wedding, and finally the agonizing pain of trying to keep someone alive who is suffering from pancreatic cancer. The author writes with brutal frankness and with heart. I rarely read non-fiction, but a review of The Best of Us caught my eye. I am grateful it did. Excellent book!

(by Jeffrey's wife) Beautifully written and heartbreaking. I've always been a Maynard fan. This story reminded me a lot of what my father and stepmother went through when she was diagnosed with advanced ovarian cancer two months after their wedding.
For those who criticize some of Maynard's choices and feelings: I think she feels that part of being a memoirist means being brutally honest about YOURSELF as well as others, so she doesn't gloss over her own shortcomings. She certainly could have painted herself in a better light if she'd wanted, but I admire her for not doing so.
One of the takeaways of this book, for me, is to cherish your significant other and count your blessings.

Though the book takes the reader through Joyce meeting her future husband, Jim, when she was in her 50s, to his death just a few short years later, this is first and foremost a book about love: finding it, appreciating it, discovering a new understanding of it, and cherishing it.

Be prepared to rejoice at the couple's late-life love and cry as their time together on this earth comes to an end, but most of all to consider what love really is and what it means.

Ms. Maynard's story initially felt like a typical failed marriage/bad divorce saga with adult children torn between the two parents, persistent anger and bitterness, and attempts to ease the pain with a series of bad choices in lovers. Then the tenor changed with her telling of a complicated adoption attempt. Finally we can breath a sigh of relief when she meets a man and seems to have found true love at last. But that comes to an abrupt halt when he is diagnosed with cancer. From then on she poignantly describes a life turned upside down as she enters new territory as a caregiver. As she relates how their lives changed, we as the readers are changed also, learning to recognize what is truly important in life. As the author writes, "success, money, beauty, passion, adventure, possessions- have become immaterial. Breathing would be enough." Read this book if you want your assumptions about life and death to be challenged and changed.

(by Jeffrey's wife) Beautifully written and heartbreaking. I've always been a Maynard fan. This story reminded me a lot of what my father and stepmother went through when she was diagnosed with advanced ovarian cancer two months after their wedding.
For those who criticize some of Maynard's choices and feelings: I think she feels that part of being a memoirist means being brutally honest about YOURSELF as well as others, so she doesn't gloss over her own shortcomings. She certainly could have painted herself in a better light if she'd wanted, but I admire her for not doing so.
One of the takeaways of this book, for me, is to cherish your significant other and count your blessings.

Though the book takes the reader through Joyce meeting her future husband, Jim, when she was in her 50s, to his death just a few short years later, this is first and foremost a book about love: finding it, appreciating it, discovering a new understanding of it, and cherishing it.

Be prepared to rejoice at the couple's late-life love and cry as their time together on this earth comes to an end, but most of all to consider what love really is and what it means.

Ms. Maynard's story initially felt like a typical failed marriage/bad divorce saga with adult children torn between the two parents, persistent anger and bitterness, and attempts to ease the pain with a series of bad choices in lovers. Then the tenor changed with her telling of a complicated adoption attempt. Finally we can breath a sigh of relief when she meets a man and seems to have found true love at last. But that comes to an abrupt halt when he is diagnosed with cancer. From then on she poignantly describes a life turned upside down as she enters new territory as a caregiver. As she relates how their lives changed, we as the readers are changed also, learning to recognize what is truly important in life. As the author writes, "success, money, beauty, passion, adventure, possessions- have become immaterial. Breathing would be enough." Read this book if you want your assumptions about life and death to be challenged and changed.

This 448-page love letter highlighting Joyce’s abbreviated love story with soulmate Jim is one chock full of emotion and packed a powerful punch. This beautifully written tribute is simply stunning. I mourn Maynard’s loss and reading this book serves as a reminder to not take my own marriage for granted; it could all change tomorrow.

The book is also a reinforcement of the old saying “Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” I will be purchasing the audio so I can hear the words in Joyce’s own voice. I will have handy my box of tissues as this is one of those few books that made me cry.

Joyce Maynard has penned a courageous and honest memoir about love and life that everyone should read. The Best of Us is a reminder to all of us to live in the moment and stop sweating the small stuff. Every day is a gift!

While reading Joyce Maynard’s, The Best of Us, people who have loved and lost and those who have cared for, or witnessed, someone going through a traumatic disease will discover kindred feelings and experiences. As a result of her fine writing, readers will find themselves rooting for the author and her husband.

This book reveals how when seemingly opposite personalities discover love, the result can be profound. The surprise of finding deep connections with someone who doesn’t fit one’s imagined ideal is both humbling and rewarding. As the author learns the value of being present in the moment, she also learns to receive love graciously and to give love fully.

Maynard also reveals how both the power of denial and the practice of hopefulness ultimately become magic wands bestowing moments of happiness in the face of tragedy. Without either, life’s problems can outweigh Sisyphus’ rock with the potential to crush the human spirit.

Illness becomes a teacher in this memoir- selflessness becomes the lesson, something we should all practice.

Joyce Maynard should never be judged badly for any of her writing. She is honest, articulate, and more real than most people could ever dare to be. Some of the people I have loved most have been taken by cancer. It's insidious, and those left behind are forever changed by watching loved ones go through this terrifying experience. Years ago I read Joyce's column, "Domestic Affairs" and unfortunately, it has taken me so long to start reading everything else she has written. You just come away feeling like she is a friend of yours telling you this story. I can't imagine anyone not being deeply touched by this book and others Joyce has written. I'm so looking forward to reading others by this sensitive, talented author.

The Best of Us is a touching recollection of Maynard's finding,love again and then watching her husband's downward spiral from pancreatic cancer. After only one year into the marriage her husband gets this diagnosis and together the couple scours every scientific, medical, and homeopathic treatment available. It's a touching, sad story as she commemorates her husband' struggle and the all too soon inevitability that the fight will end. Thanks to NetGalley for the copy.

brutally honest first hand account of the life journey Joyce and her husband took upon his diagnosis with pancreatic cancer. A touching, gut wrenching account, but one that ultimately reminds us of the inner strength we all have and how two people called upon it in the most trying of times.

I received a copy of the book from the publisher, for which I am thankful. The opinions are solely mine.

Maynard brings us a beautifully written heartfelt book on the meaning of love and marriage. This memoir is for everyone, not only those who have lost a spouse to cancer. I was so engrossed with the characters that when my son bought a Porche Boxster, the car Maynard’s husband drove, I told him I knew someone who had that car and loved driving it- only to suddenly realize I didn’t actually know Jim. He was a character in a book.

From the author of (2016) Under the Influence: A Novel, Joyce Maynard once again delivers a mesmerizing and beautiful journey and love story.

I loved THE BEST OF US! A deeply moving and powerful tribute. One of the best memoirs I have read in 2017. Love, loss, grief, and marriage. Cancer, and its battles. Life changing experiences. Raw and honest, a poignant and beautifully written memoir that accompanied me for a 20 hr. car ride in bumper-to-bumper gridlock traffic while evacuating Hurricane Irma from South Florida. This was supposed to be a birthday weekend trip with my sons coming into town from NC to Florida. Then with IRMA, the hotel canceled and the airlines. Not happening.

Recalculate. Now, I had to evacuate and leave Florida. The perfect book would be THE BEST OF US. Loaded on all my devices and synced to my car. I knew she would carry me through. What was supposed to be a trip to Highlands, NC (Western Mountains north of Atlanta) to escape Florida and IRMA on Thursday before the upcoming disaster. With only two roads out of Florida and 7 million people in South Florida trying to evacuate. This would have been a 12-15 hr drive.

However, it turned into a 20 hr. drive and never even got out of Florida, much less cross into Atlanta or NC. I could not wait to get out of the car and no hotels on this strip of the turnpike. I only made it a little north of Orlando, in Ocala, FL. (On a normal day, would take you 4 hrs.). At the end of the Florida Turnpike, when I saw I-75 after driving all night, lack of sleep, lack of fuel for travelers, overcrowded highways, and no vacancy; you can bet I grabbed the first hotel I could find when they had a last minute cancellation.

I recall sitting there in the heat, trying to decide where to go, with my A/C running at a truck stop on the turnpike with hundreds of stranded families with their children and pets, sitting in my car listening to THE BEST OF US. I looked around at all the hundreds of families that may never see their homes again and are sleeping in their cars. While listening to Joyce and her brave fight as well as Jim's courage and tenacity. I am currently riding out the impending storm here in Ocala, FL at the same hotel for its duration before I can return home to Palm Beach. This central location may still face issues as well, but at least I will not be on the waterfront in South Florida. Still waiting it out until Monday and beyond to see what will happen.

Without the audiobook, to accompany me on this stressful journey, narrated by Joyce, not sure I could have made it thru this time. I always purchase her audiobooks. Her voice is spellbinding. Her stories grab you by the heartstrings and never let go.

While listening, filled with anxiety and stress worrying if I would (will) have an apartment to return to on the water, top floor in West Palm Beach and on the heels shortly after my dad's death in June (heart) and mom's (cancer) last August, I had to take a moment to think beyond my current situation, while listening to this beautiful and heartbreaking love story. I related on so many levels. I have so much to be thankful for. Her voice was calming and soothing.

Being around the same age as the author, and single (divorced), I found it refreshing —two courageous and talented people were able to find one another and bring so much joy to one another if only for a short time.

From the love, tears, fears, and sorrows, I adore Joyce Mayard's writing and highly recommend this amazing book. Flaws and all, she shares a personal story with passion, heart, and soul; filled with humor, wit, love, grief, honesty, and raw emotion. From the darkest hours to the magical moments.

An added bonus for the audiobook readers, the author, and Jim share their wedding vows. Priceless! Readers, you have to meet Jim. An incredible man and one which will not be forgotten. An inspiring story! For readers who enjoyed When Breath Becomes Air. Highly Recommend the author and this amazing book. Buy the audio! JDCMustReadBooks

A wonderful book that will make you cry and laugh Joyce Maynard found her soul mate they had great times until Jim found out he had pancreatic cancer. There world was shaken at the core of the foundation. This wonderful book goes in detail how each of them in their own way and together had to battle that his life was on a limited timeline. A true book of real love, real pain, and the real affect that Joyce suffered once Jim when home. I highly recommend this book to any and everyone who is or has struggled through difficult times as we all have some more sever than others. Yet this unique gives hope in darkest times.

”Let us be lovers,
We’ll marry our fortunes together.
I’ve got some real estate
Here in my bag.”

”So we bought a pack of cigarettes,
And Mrs. Wagner pies
And walked off
To look for America.”
“America” by Simon & Garfunkel, words by Paul Simon

I began the year reading Joyce Maynard’s “Under the Influence” and years before that, I read “Labor Day,” which later became a movie. I have not read her 1998 memoir “At Home in the World” – yet. There’s vulnerability apparent in her writing, underneath the self-protecting armor she’s wrapped around herself.

She’d been divorced for twenty-five years, children more or less grown. And then, one day Jim walks into her life, and after a period of time he manages to convince he’s really “the one.” It wasn’t an easy task.

”On the Fourth of July weekend three years ago, at the age of fifty-nine, I married the first true partner I had ever known. “

This memoir is the story of their love, of this man who cherished her, who taught her so much about herself, her capacity to love, her willingness to give of herself, but also her determination to keep a portion of herself to herself. Some might see this as a fight to retain her own identity, but I felt it was more of an acclimation, a gradual allowing herself to fall into believing in this new land of Love.

”Not long after our one-year anniversary, my husband was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.”

This is lovely, but heartbreaking. Sad, but life affirming, and love affirming, as well. During the time they were pursuing various medical avenues for treatment, their love was tested, and strengthened. There were moments they each undoubtedly had when throwing in the towel might have tempted either one, but when she was weak, he was strong. And then, as time passed, more and more often it was her turn to be the strong one.

This is an incredibly poignant memoir, with many shared moments of the times they spent driving around in various cars, listening to music, meeting new people – a parking valet who would remember them years later after a simple, if generous gift they bestowed upon him. People they never met in person, but befriended who were in similar circumstances, wives needing to share their sorrows watching the man they love deteriorate, trying to do all, be all for everyone.

This isn’t a fun story, although there are sweet, fun, funny moments mentioned in their years spent together, moments of great joy, but there are also moments of despair, frustration, anger at the world, or no one in particular at the unfairness of it all. Life. The thing that makes this hard to read, and also makes this so beautiful, is Joyce Maynard’s willingness to bare her soul to show others that they are not alone. To know that someone else out there has been through this feeling, and is willing to put it out there for the world to read, to judge, and as much as some of those judgmental words have hurt her in the past, she’s doing it again. Just so someone else won’t have to feel so alone, so someone else will feel known and understood. Isn’t that what we all want, when it comes down to it?

”So I looked at the scenery,
She read her magazine;
And the moon rose over an open field.
‘Kathy, I’m lost,’ I said,
Though I knew she was sleeping,
‘I’m empty and aching and
I don’t know why.’”
“America” by Simon & Garfunkel, words by Paul Simon

Recommended

Many thanks for the ARC provided to Bloomsbury

This was a tough read at times empathizing with Joyce and I had to put it down for a while, not because it was bad, but like many who have lost some in a similar way, we have a fairly clear knowledge of the pain this experience brings. Revisiting these memories was hard to experience again and impossible to not feel from reading this book. Still, though that was hard, like few other books, it bound me to Joyce and made me care in a way I can't say I ever have felt from reading a book. It was a unique experience. I'm glad I read it.

I don't know if I'd have the strength of character that she has, but this is an honest look into a her heartbreaking tale and how she shares the intimateness of her life with the reader in an untethered honestly that leaves no option but to keep turning the pages.

A beautiful memoir about the brutal privilege of being human, and what it means to love another. Joyce Maynard writes with both tenderness and grit. She’s honest in the way only a survivor can be.

Maynard brings us a beautifully written heartfelt book on the meaning of love and marriage. This memoir is for everyone, not only those who have lost a spouse to cancer. I was so engrossed with the characters that when my son bought a Porche Boxster, the car Maynard’s husband drove, I told him I knew someone who had that car and loved driving it- only to suddenly realize I didn’t actually know Jim. He was a character in a book.

This 448-page love letter highlighting Joyce’s abbreviated love story with soulmate Jim is one chock full of emotion and packed a powerful punch. This beautifully written tribute is simply stunning. I mourn Maynard’s loss and reading this book serves as a reminder to not take my own marriage for granted; it could all change tomorrow.

The book is also a reinforcement of the old saying “Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” I will be purchasing the audio so I can hear the words in Joyce’s own voice. I will have handy my box of tissues as this is one of those few books that made me cry.

I am “Patrice,” in Joyce Maynard’s new book: “The Best of Us.” "Patrice" was Jim's former law partner, and life partner.
I do not use Facebook, Twitter, or any other social media. I would never voluntarily reveal private information on the internet.
However, I am forced to. I am forced to because there is a lie told about me in "The Best of Us."
The lie is I had hostility towards Jim’s elder son Jonathan, and towards his daughter Jane. And that Jim ended his relationship with me because of that hostility, and in order to support his teenage daughter.
It’s just not true. Either Joyce made that up, or Jim did. I suspect Jim did, because he wanted to cast himself in a good light, so Joyce would think well of him.
I have never had hostility toward Jim’s children. For as long as we were together, and were in partnership, I lived my life in dedication to Jim's welfare, and the welfare of the children. The kids came first, always.
The truth is, Jim did not end our relationship to support his teenage daughter, or for any other reason.
He did not end our relationship.
I did.
And, his daughter was not a teenager in 2009, when I ended the relationship. She was in her twenties.
The allegation of hostility is very wrong, very untrue.
Jim and I were together for 20 years, in all. I ended the relationship because, starting in our tenth year together, and continuing thereafter, with ever increasing frequency, Jim treated me badly. He raged at me. He denigrated me. He told lies about me. And he drank to great excess.
I valued our relationship very much. I thought eventually things would get better, that they would go back to normal. I did everything I could to get us back to where we had been. Of course, we never returned to normal. I learned life doesn't work that way.
It is a wrenching history of failure of appreciation, failure of loyalty, and failure of compassion. It left me heartbroken.
After I broke up with Jim he said to me: "You were the best thing that ever happened to me. And I destroyed it."
I agree. I was, and he did.
All that said, it is just possible the sea changes that took place in Jim's behavior, and our relationship, can all be put down to what the cancer did to his body chemistry. The pancreas secretes serotonin, insulin, and hormones. Imagine how out of balance a person is when those vital chemicals are affected. It is also the case that pancreatic cancer can exist in the body for as many as 20 years before it is detected.
And, it is undisputed, that due to the effect on body chemistry, almost invariably the presence of the cancer plunges the victim into clinical depression.
After Robin Williams died, I read to Jim a list of the symptoms of clinical depression that was published in the paper. I said: "Jim, you've had all of these." He replied: "I know I have."
I even said to him: "I am putting everything [that you did to me] down to the cancer." I didn't know if that was right, but he felt so guilty, and was so sick, I felt it was an act of compassion to say that to him.
I can say with certainty that I never felt his behavior was volitional. It seemed to be beyond his control, and for that reason, I never reacted negatively. I just tried to soothe him, and calm him down.
The truth is, I will never know, for sure, what brought about the changes in him, but I do know it was so, so sad.
Jim and I were never estranged. We continued to work on cases together. And I helped him when he got sick. I gave him airline miles to go to Los Angeles, and Boston, for treatment. I helped him finish his estate plan. And we met regularly at my home, or at Starbucks, so I could offer support.
I always had compassion for Jim. I always cared about the children.
I hosted the two children, who were able to attend the memorial, at a lunch for twelve friends, and family members, before we all drove over to the service. I hosted all three of them, at a lunch for eight, after we scattered the ashes. And again, the next day, I had them, along with their partners, to my home for another lunch.
On that last occasion, they were sorting through Jim's personal property that filled my dining room. Joyce had sent those items over, for delivery to the children.
They are quite simply, the only kids I will ever have, and it has been distressing to me that anyone would say I had feelings of hostility.
And that, dear readers, is the truth.
A few days after Jim died in June, 2016, and knowing, as we all did, that Joyce was going to write a book, I contacted her.
I asked her to promise that she would "omit me from the narrative." I.e. Leave me out of the story. Joyce promised that she would. Obviously, I was not left out of the story after all.
I also offered to fact check the book for the period of time before Jim met Joyce. I did that because there had been so many factual errors in the obituary she wrote, errors having to do with the times before 2011, when Joyce met him. Joyce declined my offer.
So, I tried two ways to prevent being written about, or lied about, but I was unsuccessful.

"Patrice"