When Someone You Love Has Borderline Personality Disorder

I know people say that with silly things but this book really did change my life. I learned things about myself being a child of a mother with BPD. I really recommend this book to anyone that thinks their loved one has BPD and needs answers. My mother went too far and she is out of my life now and that's ok. but while she was in my life I needed this book to help me deal with the extra drama and reflect it back to her instead of mirroring her. Great book!

This book leads the lay person through the muddy waters of Borderline Personality Disorder. If you know someone with this disorder, you will be blown away at how accurately this book describes this condition and then leads you through the BP's thought process, helping you understand their emotional rollercoaster. The second half of the book then gives you steps to assess your own situation, detailed guidance for communicating better with your BP person, what to accept and not accept responsibility for and so much more. It is a must in understanding and living with people with borderline personality disorders.

I would estimate that 80 percent of the information in this book, I have experienced with my loved one. Until I read it I felt like I was on an island, not knowing what to so. It gave me a better understanding of what was happening in our relationship and also brought to light that someone with this condition will not get better until they acknowledge they have an issue and are willing to do something about it.

This book will be a life changing experience to anyone who has had to live with and deal with borderline personality disorder in a child, relative or friend....It will clairfy a number of things that have caused my wife and I grief over the years.... wish we had known about this book several years ago.....must read for those who are tip toeing around the people they love who have this disorder...

This book changed my life. Must read for anybody who thinks may be involved with somebody who suffers BPD. The great thing about this book is that it does not only focus on the borderline person, but also analyzes potential problems of yours.

This is a great book for those who have experienced or are experiencing the pain of dealing with a borderline personality. It helped me to understand family members with this condition and to realize there's nothing wrong with me.

This book is really a quality source for family members, or loved ones who are looking to understand borderline personality disorder more. This was recommended to us by our counselor and certainly lived up to his rave review about it as well.

great book explains borderline much better than others. I have this book for myself and gave it to two friends who are psychiatric nurses. They said the same thing. It is very good at explaining the meaning of borderline.

I am interested in borderline personality disorder because I know a few people with it, but I found myself feeling dark as I started reading this book. There is nothing wrong about the book; it is well written, very informative and descriptive of the disorder, but it just bothered me too much. Perhaps I will go back and finish reading it some day.

I care deeply about someone. He is extraordinarily brilliant and a high achiever. I revel in his brilliancy; he looks down at me. He has not kept his promises and blamed me for unsubstantiated actions or inactions. The language used in his emails to me is arrogant and offensive. It upsets me, disappoints me, I feel betrayed and it undermines my health. I have often asked myself what have I done inappropriately to deserve such an attitude. I ponder whether my attitude towards him contributed to his unbearable behavior towards me. As a teenager, in Nazi Germany I had been subjected to constant humiliating and harmful blows. It is extremely difficult for me today, as an octogenarian, to absorb humiliating blows coming from somebody I deeply love. I was undoubtedly an innocent victim at my tender age, why do I have to be an innocent victim again at my old age? I often wonder why he has never expressed any sympathy for my traumatic past during the Holocaust or interest in its legacy. Where is his conscience or sensitivity? Since the liberation from the Nazi's yoke, nobody has ever insulted and degraded me as this person.

Reading STOP WALKING ON EGGSHELS, I am realizing that my loved one's behavior matches the criteria of a BPD. I do not know if he has been diagnosed with BPD. However, this book helps me to understand the situation I have been confronting. Sometimes, borderlines fear that their non-BPD targets will retaliate (p40). It seems to me that the loved person I am referring to lashes out at me, humiliates me, because he knows me to be a mellow and honest person who will not retaliate with abusive language or lies. Also, had I known for sure that my loved one could have been diagnosed as BPD, which in this case might have stemmed from a neuro-transmitter disturbance, his degrading me wouldn't be so devastating. The authors Paul Mason & Randi Kreger do not pretend to give concrete professional advice. Nevertheless, this book has given me a picture what might really be going on in the life of that person I love. As a layman, I am grateful to the authors for questioning BPD's credibility and integrity.
One of the common Non-BP thinking (p.74) is that by accepting BP's nettlesome behavior may encourage him to continue. My feelings need to be validates just as much as those of the person with BPD (p.142). I feel that the mutual respect and responsibility are vital and that my assumed BPD is capable of accepting some responsibility for his actions. Emotional abuse is emotional abuse regardless whether the abuser is aware of it or not. He involved me in a certain business transaction that eventually caused me a nervous breakdown. As a defense mechanism he never mentions it, has never apologized for it although he is definitely fully aware of it. One of the ten traits typical of PBD is that I as a non-BPD will always be put in a non-win situation (p.54). I am willing to accept and live with it, but I have been barraged with insults that I am not able to digest. It only gets harder to stay in the current abusive situation. Therefore I find no other recourse than to stop communicating with my assumed BP. I will not read his emails (p.157) in order to avoid anguish and preserve my sanity. I will be cognizant that he is not merely arrogant and unconcerned about me but he is inflicted with a disease that there is nothing that I can do to alleviate his suffering or stop him from stamping on me. My true love for him will not be diminished by one iota. As much as I would like to have a positive healthy relationship; it does not seem to be possible.

I bought this book after learning from a counsellor that a significant person in my life was more than likely suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder.

It was not a pleasant read for me: The descriptions of the symptoms and issues others like me had to deal-with simply hit too close to home. I had a hard time sleeping if I read this book before going to bed.

Even so, it was something that I, and others facing persons in their life with this disorder, should read. I wish I had known a long time ago how to cope with the behaviors that those with BPD exhibit. Doing so would have saved alot of grief and pain for myself and those I love. In retrospect, I wish I had been able to apply the advice of Paul Mason and Randi Kreger to my own situation.

If you are living with someone who feels they must control every aspect of the world around them, who sees the world only in terms of "black" and "white" with no grey areas, and/or who uses rage and anger to dominate those around them, then you must read this book. Enough said?

I would also suggest searching the internet for sites devoted to this disease - there are several very good organizations devoted to helping people, like you and me, who are (or were) trapped in relationships with a BPD partner: they can help you overcome many or most of the issues you face.

I cannot express how much this book helped me put into perspective the relationship I had with my former fiancée. I wished I (we) had come across this book earlier as it would have helped our relationship immensely. The authors have a solid understanding of behavior patterns that will echo so closely to what you have experienced that you will think they have been following your relationship as observers the whole time.

My partner at the time had told me when we got together that her mother had BPD. I never really assumed that my partner might also share these characteristics. Her only indication of behavior/mood swings arose from occasional imbalance caused by her ingesting gluten due to her Celiac disease. These moods were short lived and did not seem to have a lasting impression on her views or her long-term attitude towards people, situations, or myself.

In my case my partner only hinted at the notion that she too might have BPD but never really embraced the fact that she did. To be fair I am not a doctor and she was never diagnosed while we were together as having BPD but there were many signs and after reading this book it became even more clear that the behaviors, actions, and attitude that were transmitted to family, friends, and me were consistent with BPD.

Stop Walking On Eggshells does an excellent job of compartmentalizing normal behavior changes with those associated with someone showing sings of BPD. The approach shown in dealing with the distrust and preconceived notions of good/evil that is often skewed by the disorder is always one of compassion and understanding. They make no illusion on the difficulty of dealing with someone with BPD. Instead they prepare you, family members, and friends on how to interpret these reactions in order to minimize the hurt felt at being rejected, demonized, or perceived in ways that do not reflect the reality of your situation.

The book does a great job of identifying all kinds of BPD patterns and behaviors from the slight BPD to the fully engulfed BPD individual. It uses real world testimonials that paint a very honest light of what people have gone through while dealing with someone they love that has BPD. Knowing that you are not alone and that you are not this terrible person as your BPD might make you feel at times is very critical towards understanding and dealing with the loss of a BPD person from your life and/or assisting you in forming a better relationship with them.

I highly recommend this book not only for people dealing with BPD but also for BPD individuals who wish to get an inside look at how the people around them feel and react to their behaviors. There is nothing wrong with having BPD. The only difficulty is not recognizing that one has BPD or that their actions do not affect the people around them. Communication is key. Compassion is key. Willingness to see beyond what you currently understand and perceive is what this book helps everyone to achieve.

This certainly is the best self-help book for those who think they may be living or dealing with someone with BPD. It is particularly informative as to the nature of the disorder with out becoming overly technical and the reader may also come away with a better understanding of the experience of having BPD, from the suffers standpoint, than some more advanced books may offer.
More importantly it encourages a sympathetic and empathetic approach to dealing with behaviors, which, on the surface, may seem driven by anger or revenge. This understanding of where BPD behaviors come from, and what their ghiddenh messages may be, forms a large portion of the core of this book.
The book then moves on to suggest very common-sense approaches to dealing with day-to-day problems one may encounter during life with a BPD individual. Considering the general quandary the mental health community seems to be in regarding treatment and prognosis, this book offers a wide ray of hope to those who might otherwise feel there is nothing effective they can do to further the improvement of BPD symptoms in a loved one.
However, this book is probably NOT a good choice for current BPD sufferers. The book goes on in detail about many of the emotionally toxic behaviors and situations that those involved with BPD individuals may be suffering through. This gets pretty rough when the issue of BPD parents and the effects upon their small children is addressed. The book goes into the possible necessity of protecting yourself and others from BPDers and the potentially corrosive effects they can have on those around them. This self-protection may ultimately involve divorce, or sending children to live with relatives.
Since abandonment and self-image is are major issues for BPD sufferers, this part of the book, while important to address for the target reader, may make for EXTREAMLY DISTURBING reading for BPD sufferers, and may gtriggerh many of the very same behaviors that the book so sympathetically seeks to alleviate.
One should not take from this the impression that this book stresses these ultimate solutions. It is, on the whole, very optimistic in its prognosis for successful relationships between gnonsh and those with BPD. If for only this single outlook, it should be applauded.

I have read a range of books and papers concerning domestic violence, and some of the facets of the personality disorders that seem to be a part of the abuser's psychological make up. Stop Walking on Eggshells is a self help type book for the families, friends and loved ones of people who fit the profile of a person with Borderline Personality Disorder.

The biggest problem I had with this book is that while a person may or may not have BPD, that the real issue is the person's abusive behaviour and attitudes. Some of the advice is good, such as setting healthy boundaries, and communication in a non-confrontational manner (ie "owning" the response to a problem). However, one aspect that seems to never be addressed in this book is the power dynamic in an abusive relationship, and the book states over and over that issues within the relationship are 50/50. The authors also reference co-dependence several times throughout the book. Co-dependence is a very problematic pop-psychology concept, that may have some validity with regards to a loved one with an addiction (but even in this context is still incomplete and troublesome). A person with a loved one or family member who may or may not have a personality disorder, who continually behaves in an abusive, controlling, hostile manner is not the same as a person living with a drug addict, who gives the addict money to get high ! The co-dependence industry is based on a very insidious type of victim blaming, in which the person who is victimized is considered responsible for triggering the abuser, and for not being able to prevent the abuse. Many of the authors of books about co-dependence have no psychology credentials whatsoever, and have no research or data to back up their premises(google them if you don't believe me). In a situation where a person is being abused, the issues that result are 100% the fault of the abuser - not 50% the responsibility of the abuse victim to somehow prevent or short circuit the abuse, or process it in such a way that the abuse is rationalized into a BPD's acting out v.s. abuseABUSE.

In addition, the book offers a scant page and a half with regards to domestic violence, which seems to be segregated into the territory of physical violence(while ignoring that a pervasive pattern of control, manipulation, isolation etc.etc. is also abuse = domestic violence). And not only that, special advice is offered to male victims about how to deal with physical assaults. There is no discussion of the results of living with an abusive, aggressive batterer for women, or the social dynamics of how domestic violence is perceived by the culture at large, or safety planning for women, or that women leaving an abusive relationship are at the greatest risk of physical assault or homicide are when they are leaving ! The authors also spoke with Donald Dutton concerning physical abuse. Donald Dutton is a psychologist and researcher within the field of domestic violence psychology. He has taken the largely unsupported position that abusive men suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder. He is also the author of "Rethinking Domestic Violence" which essentially ignores all research, data, etc. to claim that women batter their partners as much as men (although women are many, many. many more times likely to be KILLED by their abusive partner/spouse/ex, and does not sift through the data with regards to women who respond to physical assaults with physical defensiveness, which is not the same as being the primary aggressor). His position has been widely scrutinized/criticized by others active in the field of domestic violence research, and certainly comes from a stated anti-feminist perspective.

The book also references the work of John Bradshaw, late 80's self-help author(ie "Your Inner Child"concepts)whose works have some lingering issues. However, the references for the book ignore the major work of Judith Herman and Bessel Van der Kolk, who have both written extensively on the effects of trauma, and the psychological fall-out that can result, like BPD and PTSD symptoms.

In short: I think this book is a useful resource, sort of, in some ways. I do wish that that authors had been more widely read, and less dependent on pop psychology and easy answers, and were more educated about domestic violence. I also wish that they had been more critical consumers of information. I am also concerned that people reading this book will remain in a relationship with a person who is abusive, without recognizing it as ABUSE, since the issues get shifted over into the territory of BPD.

I also agree with several commenters that the book could also be titled "How to Walk on Eggshells Better and More Quietly: Placating Your Hostile Aggressor". There is some good in this book, but this is not a good starting point for people in an abusive relationship, whether or not this is a result of BPD.

Anyone, anywhere, who has ever lived with a person who has been diagnosed with "Borderline Personality Disorder", will recognize many facts in this book. Many realistic solutions are also offered. The amazing part is that if you have lived with a Borderline Personality Disorder Person long enough, you will recognize qualities within yourself that you are exhibiting! It is as if, in a way, the "disease" is contagious. I learned much about myself, my partner, and there was only a minimal amount of nonsensical psycho-babble. Mostly, it's pretty factual. The only part I wish the book offered more of is how to be certain you or your partner does have this disorder without benefit of a psychiatrist, since it does sound very much like a label psychiatrists are wont to throw on a disorder they barely understand.

This book really opened my eyes to the roller coaster ride I've been on with my son and mother! I think they both have the disorder, even though neither has been diagnosed with it because they fit the descriptions perfectly. I've just gone through a year with my son involving temporary placement with relatives and friends, court, two hospital admissions, and treatment foster care after he attacked me and tried to choke me for something as trivial as reminding him to go to bed. (This was not something new, rather the last straw - the first time I called the police, he was 12. I should have called sooner.) I found writings of his threatening to murder me and tapes he made worshipping the devil. He's been suffering from depression for several years and has bouts of extreme rage and violence combined with periods where you would never expect him capable of such things. He doesn't have the same highs or fit the descriptions of bipolar disorder and he focuses his anger at a few people and looks normal to everyone else. Lately, all his anger been focused on me. When he would speak with the professionals who were supposed to help, he managed to make me look like the crazy one with all his wild accusations made against me. My son has gotten better at hiding his problems during the limited one-hour sessions and has learned new buzz-words. He's only 14 and he can't come home because it would not be safe for me. This book helped me understand what's going on and why he seems so unpredictable. It helped me feel 'ok' with the decision I made for my own safety.

This book is NOT about treating the person with borderline personality disorder. Instead, it is about the person who is involved with the borderline and how they can identify and cope with such crazy behavior. Just like Al-Anon teaches people they can't make the alcoholic in their lives stop drinking and have to choose for themselves what kind of relationship they want to have with the alcoholic, this book helps family and friends decide what they want from the borderline in their lives. It is not a fix-all, but it sure helps you realize you are not crazy, which borderlines are sooooooo good at making you feel. It is the first step in going forward with your life and feeling good with the tough decisions that have to be made. I highly recommend it for anyone who has someone in their life fitting the traits!

Great resource if you are in a relationship with a BPD, and trying to understand. It is NOT your fault! How could you know what sets off the rage? There is a companion workbook that helps you both recognize the behavior, set boundaries, and may help a couple survive. BOTH have to want help, tho..." The Stop Walking on Eggshells Workbook: Practical Strategies for Living With Someone Who Has Borderline Personality Disorder. Randi also moderates several valuable online groups, including the Welcome To Oz groups for those in relationships with a BP and trying to make it survivable and stay, and another for those divorcing a BP when all else fails.

Another great book that pegs the person with BP spot on is I Hate You, Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality. The woman with BPD will be beautiful and exciting, but there is hell to pay, later....VERY accurate book. Vice versa for the women in relationships with a BP guy, of course.

This book is well written, well organized and, while not dumbed down in any way, easy to understand. Written in mostly laymen's language, it makes sense of the nearly incomprehensible actions of those that suffer from borderline personality disorder. The authors neither condemn nor attack the sufferers, presenting the material in a compassionate and objective manner. The included letters from those suffering from BPD do more to illuminate the thinking and feelings of BPD sufferers than any book on the subject I have so far read. The authors provide helpful guidelines to assist non-BPDs in dealing with the BPDs in their lives. While the guidelines are good, they could be much better. The knock on those with BPD is that they haven't learned how to manage their emotions -- that they are too emotional. The opposite is more accurate -- they're repressing too much. Non-BPDs in relationships should be encouraging those w/ BPD to express their feelings and to resist the temptation to act out.

This book is well written, well organized and, while not dumbed down in any way, easy to understand. Written in mostly laymen's language, it makes sense of the nearly incomprehensible actions of those that suffer from borderline personality disorder. The authors neither condemn nor attack the sufferers, presenting the material in a compassionate and objective manner. The included letters from those suffering from BPD do more to illuminate the thinking and feelings of BPD sufferers than any book on the subject I have so far read. The authors provide helpful guidelines to assist non-BPDs in dealing with the BPDs in their lives. While the guidelines are good, they could be much better. The knock on those with BPD is that they haven't learned how to manage their emotions -- that they are too emotional. The opposite is more accurate -- they're repressing too much. Non-BPDs in relationships should be encouraging those w/ BPD to express their feelings and to resist the temptation to act out.

Although directed towards family members of someone who has BPD, it was suggested that this book might be appropriate for relatives of other mentally ill (Mainly depressed people). Thus, when a therapist suggested I might try reading this to help develop coping skills for dealing with my depressed relative, I did. Much of this book can be discounted if you are not reading it for BPD specifically. However, the skills and techniques are very useful and seem to be helpful in dealing with my relative. I particularly felt that this gave me a new way to self talk that helped me let go of many of the negative feelings I am left with after an episode. I find this book to be very wonderful and useful.

After working with hundreds of borderlines in mental health settings and in the everyday world, I, as a psychiatric social worker, had read most of the recognized works on BDP. Most were academic or treatment oriented; they did not offer relief for the lay person who has a borderline loved one in their life. This book stands head and shoulders above the rest. It is easy to read for clinicians and non-clincians alike. It is objective and gives nonjudgemental information to the borderline and to the non-borderline. Here's hoping that clinicans will be more willing "to hang in" with the borderline for the long-term after reading this book. I'm recommending this as "must" reading to other mental health practioners.

This book is outdated. This is a complicated mental illness. I wish the best to anyone with it, please avail yourself of the best medical care you can find. This is not a helpful book if you love someone with it or have it. I heard that Randi Kreger's mother had BPD, not her boyfriend. An honest book would have been more helpful. Being the child of someone mentally ill is very different than being a friend or spouse of one.

Living with a BPD is different then reading about them, but not in this book. I consulted with "experts" about my former spouse who has BPD their impressions are MUCH different then the actual experience. When seeking counseling I was blamed for her outrageous behavior, as anyone who has lived with a BPD they begin their formation at very early ages. The book was surprising in the honestly from those recovering from BPD. While married to a BPD I heard the "real story" behind many of the events of her childhood (from her) those events were never discussed as honestly in front of counselors. This book was both illuminating and liberating to finally hear groups of people echoing my own experiences. Even the frank quotations read like a script of my marriage it left me feeling like the problem was so thoroughly understood that it left me no more question in my mind about my own sanity. If someone you love has ever threatened to kill themselves, cut themselves, if you have had a conversation with that person and felt like "was I really there when we talked about this?", or if you have been arrested 3-4 times without knowing why until the court date, you really need to buy this book.

Stop walking on eggshells if a very good book and pretty much used universally as a referral to those that are dealing with someone with borderline personality disorder. I found it very helpful, but did have some trouble connecting with certain parts as it is written from the viewpoint of someone who is a friend of a person with bpd. The problem with this is that it does not account for those of us who are married and intimately close to the person with bpd since the writer did not have that relationship with the person the book was using as an example. It gives examples of responses that are not likely to work in a scenario with a spouse, whereas they may work if the person you are dealing with is only a friend. BUT having said this, the information in the good is for the most part good and useful.

For those who are in a relationship with some with BPD I would recommend the book One Way Ticket To Kansas by Ozzie Tinman. It is written from the perspective of a spouse and gives great detail as to the strife and effects on the mental health of one married to someone with bpd. It also give examples of behaviors that I and many others experienced with our bpd spouse that are likely to arise only in a intimately close relationship such as a marriage. So my suggestion, pick up One Way Ticket To Kansas by Ozzie Tinman and SWOE, and your bases should be covered.

Michael Glowinsky

I've read virtually every book there is about Borderline Personality Disorder, and this is the absolute best. I've read it more than once myself and have purchased at least 6 copies which I ended up giving to others. I consider it the "BPD Bible" and refer to it often.
Regardless of your knowledge or experience with BPD, after reading this book, you will come away with even greater knowledge and insight, and hopefully skills to deal with and help the BPD in your life.
I can't recommend this book highly enough.

Eggshells is a great book. It is full of helpful advice when you have a friend that suffers from BPD. It helps a layman understand the disorder and ways to protect yourself from the emotional demands of someone with BPD. It helped me a great deal understand not only the condition of BPD but also how caring for someone with BPD effected me in regards to my emotional health. Eggshells further gives assistance in recognizing certain red flags when a person with BPD is breaking down your boundaries and emotionally sucking you into their world. The book is very sympathetic to the reader and gives a very understanding view to the person that suffers from BPD. It is a one of the foundation books referred by therapist to assist people with weak boundaries or someone trying to deal with a friend that suffers from BPD. I wholeheartedly recommend the book and suggest keeping it close by as you will refer to it often.
Another book about BPD I would strongly recommend is One Way Ticket To Kansas: Caring About Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder And Finding A Healthy You. This book presents a more personal view as it addresses the emotional impact of BPD on the partner (spouse, romantic relationship, significant other). It includes the diagnosis criteria in easy to understand terms, ways to rebuild your self esteem, and gives a very touching personal story of the author that describes the impact and disorder progression of having a wife diagnosed with BPD.
In a book market with very few helpful books to explain BPD and its impact in laymans terms, these two books stand above the rest. I strongly recommend picking up copies of Stop Walking on Eggshells and One Way Ticket and keeping them close. You will find youself referring to them often for validation and advice. You may also want to look into some online support groups for people effected by having a loved one diagnosed or suspected to have BPD. Godspeed, keep you head up, and know that you will be strong enough to make the right decisions for yourself.

I can't say enough good things about this book... I read it after doing a web search of various symptoms and realizing my best friend who I had recently started rooming with had BPD. Let me tell you, it was the epiphany to end all epiphanies - realizing that I was NOT imaging things, being overly sensitive, or going crazy and that there was an "answer". This realization gave me a sense of peace I cannot begin to describe. Waves of shock went through my body as I saw symptom after symptom listed; some of the case studies were almost verbatim accounts of the rage filled blow ups and bizarre behavior I experienced first hand. The authors call this realization "the light bulb effect" (perfectly put, by the way). I was fortunate enough to be able to remove myself from the BPD environment shortly after realizing what was going on, so while I can't vouch for the usefullness of the tips the authors give on how to deal with/live with a BPD person, I nevertheless count this book among the most important I've read thus far in my life. The authors break everything down in clear, concise, easy to understand terms and give very specific and realistic analogies and examples to illustrate their points. "Gaslighting" was the term that spoke to me the most. This is when the BPD's [inaccurate] reality is different from, if not the exact opposite of yours. I'll give you my own horrific experience with this: I asked my roommate a question, she guessed at the answer but didn't know for sure if she was correct. So I emailed my mother the question and she verified my friend was right. So I showed her the email from my mother, the whole point being "Look, you were right!" Well somehow this triggered a 15 minute long screaming, yelling, belittling, venomous verbal tirade that ended with her screaming "And then you show me this letter from your mother to tell me I'm wrong!" THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF WHAT I SAID! I started yelling at her to look at the email to see that I was, as I said, showing her she was right and she refused to look at the paper, actually turned her head away so she wouldn't see the printed words. For whatever reason, she NEEDED to feel I was trying to tell her she was wrong and therefore stupid. This trait is summed up by the authors in one simple sentence: "Non BPDs base their feelings on the facts, while BPDs change the facts to fit their feelings". It was worth the purchase price for this sentence alone! If you suspect someone in your life has BPD, this is a must. Even if you don't, it's still a fascinating read. There is a place in heaven for these authors!!!

I was already married and going through a divorce when a friend who is a mental health professional recommended this book to me. It helped me establish boundaries and go on with my life but the battle was just beginning when it came to my children. I have two children with my (UDBPD) X and she made it very difficult on them and still tries her best to manipulate them. I now have sole custody of my children after a long battle which still continues today. If you are in a realtionship with someone with BPD this book will show you some insight and scare the living bejezus out of you as well. I wish you well.

I lived with the rages, the back and forth personality, the verbal assaults, and the uncertainty that comes with BPD. It's a tough life to live. This book is great in showing what it's all about, especially for a family member, such as a parent or sibling, to understand what the person is going through, and so that you can understand.

As far as living with this in a romantic relationship or marriage, it's a living nightmare. Something I learned recently is that I do not have to live with this. This book will show you every stage the person goes through, and it's like you're reading about your own life story on the pages.

If you're looking for a book to better understand BPD this is one of the best books I've read on this subject. I also have to recommend another book that was a life saving grace to me by Barbara Rose called "Stop Being the String Along" it saved my sanity. If you're in a romantic relationship with someone where you are "walking on eggshells" I strongly suggest getting both books, they can very well save your sanity too.