How to Heal Your Childhood Wounds and Build Trust - and Self-Esteem

I definitely appreciate the fact that an author finally recognized the issue of having a borderline parent. However, you can tell the author is simply a good author...that's it. She has no personal experience to speak from nor is she a therapist of any sort...at least this is the impression I get. Reducing signs/symptoms, outcomes, probable causes and such in bullet points kinda reduces it to a cold or flu. I found other books to be more helpful HOWEVER this would be a great book if you're just beginning your research.

As an adult suffering from depression at age 30 and having to move back home with my BPD mother again after years of independence, I bought this book as well as a few others as tools to help me cope with my return. Unfortunately, if I am completely honesty, this book had some less-then-insightful (unproven as effective) techniques that probably made me much worse for awhile. One exercise in particular has you imagine your mother (or BPD parent) as being dead and asks you to write a letter communicating all of your feelings towards him or her. Now besides the reason for this exercise being unclear, actually doing it made my mind spin out of control. I was much better off reading the book Understanding the Borderline Mother and finding an effective way to cope with my unresolved feelings that including a sense of compassion for me and my mother rather then imagining her dead. After the experiment with that exercise, I did try to return to this book to see if there was any other salvageable useful information, but alas I found none. Overall, it was a waste of my time and money.

Wonderful & Practical!!!!!
Kimberlee and Freda's book draws on the insights of previous books concerning people in relationship with those who have borderline personality disorder. Having read this wonderful and very practical book, I can see why Randi Kreger wrote the forward.
As I read this book, I saw a very good but non-technical theme throughout the book. The term is never used, but the issue of co-dependency is addressed. Also, the way out is clearly outlined.
While written for adult children of parents with bpd, I see two more audiences to benefit from this book.
First, the children of those with this personality disorder who still live at home can benefit from this book. If used wisely by the non-bpd parent and/or the therapist of the family's children, it could help them greatly.
Second, those whose mother-in-law or father-in-law have this disorder will find practical help here in dealing with very challenging 'toxic in-laws.' Thank you very much for writing this book.
Sincerely,
John

My parents both suffered from BPD. I had no idea they did (although it had been suggested to me by a friend who is a psychiatrist) until I read this book shortly after it was published. There it all was -- the hidden shame and torment of being the child-parent to angry, volatile, hateful, self-destructive, self-centered parents. I never understood what it meant to have my own opinions and wishes. I had lived forty plus years in survival mode until I sought therapy. Thank heavens for this book -- it may rescue another generation of children trapped in these families.

This book was incredibly eye opening for me. My mother is not diagnosed with BPD or anything, but this book matches my experience with her perfectly. It's affirming to read it and have explanations, affirmations, advice, and solutions. I related most to the chapters on boundary violations, engulfment, and how to set healthy boundaries where none have been in the past. It is also invaluable in helping identify my own thoughts, feelings, core beliefs, and pain as a result of my relationship with her. It includes many good ideas to change yourself. Even if your parent is not diagnosed with anything like mine this book helps if your experience suggests to you that your parent has BPD.

I came across this book after researching Borderline Personality Disorder because my mom always had what we called the "chameleon disorder". The accounts of others in this book were exactly like my own in childhood and in the ways I see it affecting me now. I felt a huge relief to find out that it is a real disorder and I'm not alone in dealing with this growing up. The exercises in this book are extremely helpful and I would suggest that anyone that had a parent with this disorder to read it. This book has really helped me understand things I have never realized before and it is a great tool to help you empower yourself to change your life.

well even though a borderline parent is one of the last things you want on this earth.... s*** happens and you get one. or two. in any case this book covers it all. I didn't find out anything new, that I hadn't learned in the past from talking to therapists and reading other books, but it was nice to see it all in one place. must have. wish I'd had it at an earlier age.

Some helpful information, easy to read, I'll give it to my sibling in hopes that she gets more out of it than I did. Needless to say, it didn't fix my issue but did help me to better understand what I had been dealing with all of these years.

I have just read the book, and while the overview over the disorder is a bit sketchy (I would recommend Lawson's outstanding book Understanding the Borderline Mother: Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable, and Volatile Relationship for that), the writing exercises in it are very good, especially if writing is a medium that comes easily to you. But there are also exercises that can be done through art. Many books on trauma and toxic parents have very good advice and exercises, but the ones in this book are specifically aimed at the damage a borderline parent does. That way, they also convey a lot of hope for growth and healing from the trauma that is a childhood in "Borderland" (to use Christine's Lawson't term).

This is an outstanding book about growing up in a household with a borderline parent. It is so relieving and validating to read the stories shared by other adult children - many of which resonate deeply. Kimberlee Roth writes with compassion and love as she takes readers on a journey into the inner workings of BPD and its devastating effects on children who grow up in households with a BPD parent. The exercises are excellent companion pieces to the work that I am doing with my psychotherapist, and they are helping me identify the root of some of my beliefs about myself and the world around me. I am still very early in my healing journey, but I believe that this book will be integral in helping me reclaim my true self and feel the love and connection with myself and others that I deeply desire.

This book blew my mind, especially in the first few chapters. Every sentence was so validating, and I was shocked that it described my whole childhood exactly. I never thought a book would be able to change my life as much as this one has, but it definitely did. I recommend it to anyone raised by a parent with BPD or who you suspect may have BPD.

A must read for anyone who knows or suspects that they were raised by a parent with Borderline Personality Disorder. Grab this book FIRST, before reading others like it. It lays the foundation for your healing and has lots of great journal work to help facilitate processing.

well even though a borderline parent is one of the last things you want on this earth.... s*** happens and you get one. or two. in any case this book covers it all. I didn't find out anything new, that I hadn't learned in the past from talking to therapists and reading other books, but it was nice to see it all in one place. must have. wish I'd had it at an earlier age.

the first step in changing a habit that your mother and her mother and perhaps her mother has been carrying on it to read about it and learn to change it. this book changed my life and made me a better mother. If your mom is borderline, I wish you all the best in figuring out how to change the cycle.

I came across this book after researching Borderline Personality Disorder because my mom always had what we called the "chameleon disorder". The accounts of others in this book were exactly like my own in childhood and in the ways I see it affecting me now. I felt a huge relief to find out that it is a real disorder and I'm not alone in dealing with this growing up. The exercises in this book are extremely helpful and I would suggest that anyone that had a parent with this disorder to read it. This book has really helped me understand things I have never realized before and it is a great tool to help you empower yourself to change your life.

Amazing book, has been a great help in my therapy as the adult child of a BPD parent. It goes beyond what the BPD parent is and becomes a workbook for the adult child to learn and understand what they are not only thinking but feeling and how to recover.

If you are considering this book because you have a borderline parent, order this now.

I've been trying to cope for over a decade and this book has absolutely changed my outlook on our relationship and how I move forward with my own life. Get it now!

This book has helped me understand what my kids are going through and how to help coach them through and understand that it's not their fault. Plus it has helped me understand that I made the right choice in leaving their mother. This book is worth it's weight in gold.

An excellent self help book for those tormented by a borderline parent .Reading this, allows you to realize you are not the only person who has or is suffering; and there is something you can do about it. That something, is to realize it is NOT your FAULT !

I especially loved the first couple of chapters where it would explain a symptom of BPD, and then state the bad messages that the children internalize from being raised that way. It was so beneficial for me to learn that other people struggle the same way I did. Wonderful book

interesting read. its a self help book that makes you really dig deep. slow going because you are constantly relating it to your life if this fits you. definitely helpful if you have a parent with borderline.

Not sure what was wrong with my relationship with my mother, but suspecting BPD, I read this book in 2 days. It is the only book I've read that offers practical advice for dealing with difficult people, especially the overbearing, moody, and negative parent. This book was my saving grace and I have given it to friends who also have difficult family members. I can't say enough about the positive change this book has brought, helping me create boundaries and be able to communicate effectively and respectfully. It has also helped me, as a borderline mother myself, not make the same mistakes my mother did.

If you have a parent or loved one with Borderline Personality Disorder OR borderline traits, this is an amazing book. It validates childhood wounds and explains not only why the wounds happened, but more importantly, how to heal from them. Powerful book.

This book not only helped me understand my BPD mother but it also helped me understand where my fear of engulfment comes from and how to create comfortable boundaries! Bravo!
Thank you for putting a name to my 20 years of life I called hell.