How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack

The book is small, but can be read comfortably. I read the book in about an hour after i got it! I found the book to be enjoyable and very creative. Though it made me laugh, i was expecting it too be hilarious!?! I am pleased that i bought this book and i'm excited for my friends to read about these silly garden gnomes who could attack at any moment!! ;)

I purchased this for my sister who is deathly afraid of Lawn Gnomes as a gag gift for her bachelorette party....this book is hilarious!!!! Even the "genre" on the back of the book is "Humor/Gnome Defense"....i highly recommend this book for any weary of the little creepy lawn creatures!

This book is awesome. I bought it for my grandmother as a Christmas present and she was thrilled! It's just so much fun to look through and makes a hilarious topic when someone sees it sitting on your coffee table. :)

This book went on too long. I understand that the hook was to be serious about something absurd, but this is no comparasen to Max Brooks. All this was taken from photos of the authers house, or seems to be.

I purchased the book for my father for Christmas, also sending him a Garden Gnome as a joke. To my disbelief, the surfer-drunk-gnome has managed to vanish from my parents' house, leaving only the torn and bloody pages of this book behind. Nightly, my parents hear scratching on the walls and doors, with the brief swoosh of a beard rubbing against glass. The gnomes from the surrounding neighborhood appear to have also vanished from the lawns, and many a person has woken up with a travelocity brochure to Hell slipped into the mail. The local association has attempted to find a solution by using the tattered remains of this guide, but random pages have been ripped out and they fear that all hope may be lost.

Unforunately this was my mistake in assuming that this was a humorous book.

I bought it for my wife who loves garden gnomes as a silly gift. Sadly, it is a tactical method of preparing and fighting off gnomes that includes things like suggestions on how to use a baseball bat to beat them when they attack...

I have never owned a garden gnome, and reading this book made me count myself lucky. Who knew the danger behind those rosy cheeks and Santa Claus beards? Sambuchino's premise is that these gnomes are fiendish little statues who actually live and breathe and are out to get you once you've let them into your garden.

But, if you are one of the luckless who trusted the cuteness of these statues, don't despair. Sambuchino's thorough survival guide is divided into four sections and covers every aspect of handling the threat: risk assessment; gnome-proofing your home and garden; defense tips for actual confrontation; advice for dispensing with dead gnomes....

Sambuchino's sly humor had me laughing out loud a few times; more often, I was quietly snickering. His weird solutions are worthy of movie scenes: Picture a desperate homeowner digging his own moat or mixing his own quicksand or planting underground sensors to spot gnomes' tunneling activity. Picture this same homeowner practicing the art of rising from bed in attack mode, or putting kitchen utensils in padlocked drawers, or going to Antarctica to dispose of a gnome who may or may not be dead.

Included in the book are testimonials of those who have survived an attack, as well as quotes and advice from gnome defense experts. The "gnomenclature" insets tracing an ominous history behind various expressions (such as "a baker's dozen", "Murphy's Law", etc.), are almost believable. Andrew Parson's photographs somehow capture expressions of inherent gnomish evilness, adding an air of gravity and plausibility to the wildness of Sambuchino's premise.

How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack is a "one of a kind", good summer read -- one you might consider giving to a friend; especially if they have made the mistake of populated their yard with these dangerous figures.

How to Survive a Garden Gnome AttackHow to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack: Defend Yourself When the Lawn Warriors Strike (And They Will) By Chuck Sambuchino
Ten Speed Press
ISBN 978-1-58008-463-5
Reviewed by Billie A Williams
"Keep reading if you want to live." Talk about a hook. If that doesn't get you, nothing will. Am I reading Tess Gerritsen or Stephen King?

Neither. I'm reading How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack by Chuck Sambuchino. I have three of these little Garden Gnome predators but they decided not to come out this year to sit in the Keebler Elves type doorway created by a major branch breaking off in our willow tree. When one quarter of this willow tree toppled in a windstorm this summer, I realized how very clever they are.

Sambuchino only verifies my observation. A delightful tongue in cheek, but clever look at thwarting an eventual takeover awaits the reader. Garden Gnomes do seem to multiply. They come in various sizes and colors to fit any landscape or indoor décor. Tidbits of `Gnomenclature' (coined by Chuck Sambuchino) impart knowledge and a question in the reader's mind -truth or Sambuchinoed--you might ask.

An interesting trip through some natural world wonders, complete with photographs, impart wisdom and exploration and do a great job of raising the curiosity level of the reader. This book is a delightful treatise on our penchant for collecting. It's an innocuous, harmless habit - or is it?

Would you worry about reaching into your mailbox if you knew that, perhaps, a gnome waited there to attack that hand? Would you opt for a Post Office Box even though it cost you time, travel and money to retrieve your mail every day? See page 45. It's scary.

Do you know how to make quick sand? See page 36, it's for your own defense.

You know about crop circles don't you? Do you know how they are formed? See Page 22 for insider information.

On every page there is a footer. Each footer is marked by a pointed, little red, gnome cap. There is no escape!

You'll laugh. You'll question the sanity of the message. You will look with new eyes on that garden gnome you thought was a mere, sweet little elfin garden ornament.

I found myself wondering as I finished this marvelous small book; when will How to Survive a Pink Flamingo Attack, be released? I highly recommend this book to gnome lovers/owners everywhere. Even if you are not a gnome owner, but a gardener or have a neighbor who gardens--you need to read this book for your own protection or for a laugh a minute if you prefer humor.
Billie A Williams
[...]
[...]

Gnomophobia is an uncommon/unrecognized phobia in which the person is afraid of garden gnomes (its a real phobia look it up). Unfortunate for me, I'm deathly afraid of gnomes in which I wouldn't feel comfortable standing in the same room with them. I know this may sound stupid, silly, or just "What the...?" but, that's how I am and this book will atleast give me some comfort. How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack is a great, humorous book and has helped me "prepare" in case the cute, little garden standees spring into life for murderous fun. You got to admit, the way they stare at you would give anybody the creeps. Sambuchino did excellent work arranging this book together and he did a lot of thought on what their behavior would be like. Thankfully, I don't own Garden Gnomes and I never shall. This book is great for a humorous read or people like me. (And for people who are reading this and thinking I'm crazy or something, people are afraid of spiders, snakes, clowns, and even a zombie apcalypse; why not garden gnomes?)

I can say, that while I thoroughly enjoyed this guide, both for it's tongue in cheek humor, and it's "practical" suggestions related to self-defense, what really impressed me about it was it's ability to induce a sense of paranoia and fear of gnomes. Seriously, I've never been afraid of gnomes, nor even paid much attention to them (aside for the Guide to Gnomes that I had a child), but having finished this book I've definitely sat up and taken notice. Driving home through our neighborhood and walking in the woods behind our house, I've now started to keep a keen eye open for this little "monsters" and now double and triple check the locks in the house before going to bed. I'm also paying much more attention to the position of items in the house and in the yard, and no longer suspect the deer and squirrels of terrorizing our trees and bushes, because I know it's those "bloody" gnomes. Kudos to the writer for doing such a fine job of creating a threat where there was none before, my only hope is that Fox news doesn't get a hold of this book, because if it does, look out America!!!

This book is trying to ride the current zombie craze. Instead of zombies trying to kill you, you need to worry about garden gnomes invading your house.

Ha, ha. Get it? Those little gnomes in your garden? They're going to attack! Ha ha.

Unfortunately, that's pretty much the joke. Garden gnomes are planning attacks. They communicate with each other to coordinate attacks. They steal garden implements, scissors and other dangerous things that "disappear" around the house. Ha, ha.

What went wrong here? After meditating for a while on zombies and garden gnomes - - hey, it's harder than it sounds - - I decided that the problem was a lack of back story. Mark Brooks' "zombie survival guide" has thought through the problem: what causes zombies, why they attack humans, how those causes connect to the challenges of killing zombies, and so forth. Sambuchino hasn't thought through those problems. Why do garden gnomes attack? We don't know.

But they want to kill you.

Ha ha.

"How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack" is a parody of the "zombie survival manuals" that have been floating around for the past few years. Substitute the word "gnome" for "zombie" and you'll get the idea of this book pretty quickly. "Garden Gnome Attack" stretches its one-joke idea pretty far, however, due to the often creepy yet funny photographs of gnomes prowling around in the shadows and generally looking quite sneaky. These pictures go a long way toward making this hoax-themed comedy somewhat more plausible (and therefore funnier). Still, given the silliness of the main idea and its visual nature, I think the concept would work better as a skit on a TV show rather than as a book.

I'd describe this short book as Dave Barry meets Stephen King. It would make a good gift for a suburban gardener with a dark sense of humor, especially if given with an actual garden gnome! (note: despite the cover art, the book is not a parody of the classic illustrated "Gnomes" book.)

Chuck Sambuchino is the master of guides. Since 2008, he's given us 'Guide to Literary Agents' (Writer's Digest Books); now, he's unleashed a new kind of guide--one that, he says, will save your life. In his aptly-named and recently-released 'How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack: Defend Yourself When the Lawn Warriors Strike (and They Will)' (Ten Speed Press), he lays it out in the very first line: Keep reading if you want to live.

What, you don't think you're at risk? Sambuchino disagrees--and whom are you going to believe, you or a Class 1 gnome slayer?

Yeah--that's what I thought.

In Sambuchino's easy-to-read handbook, he provides tips you never realized you needed to know in order to defend yourself in the event of an ambush of the lawn ornament variety.

He has used his extensive garden gnome defense training to develop a foolproof four-step system (Assess, Protect, Defend, Apply), which will have you well on your way to total safety in just 106 pages.

Sambuchino not only equips readers with the proper tools to gnome-proof their homes and yards, but he also shines the light on the fact that these garden gnomes have infiltrated our world, down to well-known (and seemingly innocent) idioms ("gnomenclature"). The worst part is they've done so virtually undetected.

That's what makes the little buggers so dangerous, he says. But fear not--it's Sambuchino to the rescue.

I had no idea how much of a threat these pint-sized pests could be, but my eyes have been blasted open. I can now sleep much easier at night, after having acquired this knowledge, thanks to Sambuchino.

In the words of G.I. Joe, "knowing is half the battle." The other half? Strategically placing weapons throughout the house and kicking some gnome ass.

From fashioning weapons out of household items to memorizing escape routes, you won't find a more complete survival guide out there than Gnomes.

This title is based on the popular format that touts surviving zombie, robot, vampire, etc outbreaks. They all take a serious yet tongue-in-cheek style that purports to give the reader essential survival tips in the event the titular event occurs. The first book of this style I read was the excellent Max Brooks book The Zombie Survival Guide (http://www.the store.com/Zombie-Survival-Guide-Complete-Protection/dp/1400049628). That book set the bar high for all those to follow and unfortunately How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack comes up short, pun intended.

I did not find the book very entertaining as it seemed to be trying to hard to follow a set formula. The use of photographs of the same couple of yard ornaments in various guises got old pretty quick. The book could use some normal illustrations to spice thing up since they could show the gnome in more "action shots" that people can't capture on film.

Perhaps I would have gotten a bigger laugh out of the book if I hadn't already read better examples of the genre. In any case it does contain a couple of funny "matter of fact-isms" about how and why the ankle biting title characters are out to get us. It is a short read and would probably make a cute gift for someone who isn't familiar with this genre of book. Perhaps something you'd give your parents or grandparents as they are likely to posses these red hat wearing monsters.

In summation, if you are a fan of these types of books then skip it as there is nothing new here and what is here isn't done all that well. If you are looking for a clever gift to give someone who is not aware of these types of books then it will likely fill the bill since the novelty of the subject will cover some of the missteps inside.

Author: Chuck Sambuchino
Publisher: Ten Speed Press (September 7, 2010)
ISBN-10: 158008463X
ISBN-13: 978-1580084635
How to Survive A Garden Gnome Attack

Gnomes and gardens go together like peanut and butter. I grew up with Gnomes in Germany where I was raised as an Army-brat. No matter where I moved, there were Gnomes lurking about. They were as much a part of the landscape as the surrounding mountains. My friend's grandparents had Gnomes in their vegetable gardens. Like Leprechauns, Gnomes were mischievous and difficult to catch in their devilish acts. As the guardians of plants, they took particulate delight in attacking non-believers or disrespectful humans. Do you ever wonder what your Gnomes are up to when your back is turned? Have you ever looked for a sharp gardening tool only to find it's gone missing? Prepare and arm yourself with this book. An attack from a garden Gnome is eminent. And try not to crack a rib while you're laughing. It will only aid the Gnomes. The message in Chuck Sambuchino's book is clear,"Respect your Gnome and perhaps it will let you live."

[...]

This book follows along the lines of the Zombie Survival Guide books. It is pretty humorous, but seems to lack the finesse that the Zombie Guides have. I saw a lot of potential for humor and even a cult-like following of people joking about the Garden Gnome Horde, but the book sort of fell short.

You could read this book on a mid-length flight. Thats what I would recomend it for actually. Perfect way to just shut down and be mildly entertained for a few hours. Unfortunately, this book doesnt seem to have it in it to become a folk-like reference for the nerdy masses to amuse themselves with.

The book basically explains that Gnomes are out to get you. It attempts some humor, but I didnt get it too much. There was no depth to the 'story'. Never explained why they are attacing, or REALLY how to defend yourself, just that you should be ready to. Sort of a "look out for this" but not a "this is what you do" book. I do understand it is fictional, Im not crazy, but it should have gone about 20% further in the book and I think it would have made it. It just fell short.

I would recomend this book for a young teen or tween who might find it funny and a motivation to start harassing neighbors with antics of rearranging the neighborhood Garden Gnomes on a nightly basis.

Sorry if this review seems vaige, this is a hard book to review. I enjoy the Zombie Attack Survival books, my friends and I have long running jokes about that stuff. I was really hoping this book would open up new avenues of nerdiness and gag gifts like the Zombie stuff, but it just fell short.

I did read the book cover to cover, and in a short time, so it must have been somewhat enjoyable.

I've always thought the myriad of garden gnomes slowly taking over my father-in-law's yard and garden were slightly creepy and off-putting. Those rosy cheeks and twinkling eyes hid a dark malice I was convinced. This book proved my suspicions and more. If you're uneasy about the gnomes hiding in plain sight around us, this practical guide is essential. It will show you how to spot the gnome's sneaky infiltration and teach you how to protect yourself and loved ones. It's chock full of helpful tips such as constructing a moat and how to recognize gnome communication tactics. This book will make a great gift for others preparing to defend themselves from attack or for that unbeliever gardening fanatic in your family with the abnormal fondness for these plastic creatures.

Chuck Sambuchino is the master of guides. Since 2008, he's given us 'Guide to Literary Agents' (Writer's Digest Books); now, he's unleashed a new kind of guide--one that, he says, will save your life. In his aptly-named and recently-released 'How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack: Defend Yourself When the Lawn Warriors Strike (and They Will)' (Ten Speed Press), he lays it out in the very first line: Keep reading if you want to live.

What, you don't think you're at risk? Sambuchino disagrees--and whom are you going to believe, you or a Class 1 gnome slayer?

Yeah--that's what I thought.

In Sambuchino's easy-to-read handbook, he provides tips you never realized you needed to know in order to defend yourself in the event of an ambush of the lawn ornament variety.

He has used his extensive garden gnome defense training to develop a foolproof four-step system (Assess, Protect, Defend, Apply), which will have you well on your way to total safety in just 106 pages.

Sambuchino not only equips readers with the proper tools to gnome-proof their homes and yards, but he also shines the light on the fact that these garden gnomes have infiltrated our world, down to well-known (and seemingly innocent) idioms ("gnomenclature"). The worst part is they've done so virtually undetected.

That's what makes the little buggers so dangerous, he says. But fear not--it's Sambuchino to the rescue.

I had no idea how much of a threat these pint-sized pests could be, but my eyes have been blasted open. I can now sleep much easier at night, after having acquired this knowledge, thanks to Sambuchino.

In the words of G.I. Joe, "knowing is half the battle." The other half? Strategically placing weapons throughout the house and kicking some gnome ass.

From fashioning weapons out of household items to memorizing escape routes, you won't find a more complete survival guide out there than Gnomes.

This title is based on the popular format that touts surviving zombie, robot, vampire, etc outbreaks. They all take a serious yet tongue-in-cheek style that purports to give the reader essential survival tips in the event the titular event occurs. The first book of this style I read was the excellent Max Brooks book The Zombie Survival Guide (http://www.the store.com/Zombie-Survival-Guide-Complete-Protection/dp/1400049628). That book set the bar high for all those to follow and unfortunately How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack comes up short, pun intended.

I did not find the book very entertaining as it seemed to be trying to hard to follow a set formula. The use of photographs of the same couple of yard ornaments in various guises got old pretty quick. The book could use some normal illustrations to spice thing up since they could show the gnome in more "action shots" that people can't capture on film.

Perhaps I would have gotten a bigger laugh out of the book if I hadn't already read better examples of the genre. In any case it does contain a couple of funny "matter of fact-isms" about how and why the ankle biting title characters are out to get us. It is a short read and would probably make a cute gift for someone who isn't familiar with this genre of book. Perhaps something you'd give your parents or grandparents as they are likely to posses these red hat wearing monsters.

In summation, if you are a fan of these types of books then skip it as there is nothing new here and what is here isn't done all that well. If you are looking for a clever gift to give someone who is not aware of these types of books then it will likely fill the bill since the novelty of the subject will cover some of the missteps inside.

Author: Chuck Sambuchino
Publisher: Ten Speed Press (September 7, 2010)
ISBN-10: 158008463X
ISBN-13: 978-1580084635
How to Survive A Garden Gnome Attack

Gnomes and gardens go together like peanut and butter. I grew up with Gnomes in Germany where I was raised as an Army-brat. No matter where I moved, there were Gnomes lurking about. They were as much a part of the landscape as the surrounding mountains. My friend's grandparents had Gnomes in their vegetable gardens. Like Leprechauns, Gnomes were mischievous and difficult to catch in their devilish acts. As the guardians of plants, they took particulate delight in attacking non-believers or disrespectful humans. Do you ever wonder what your Gnomes are up to when your back is turned? Have you ever looked for a sharp gardening tool only to find it's gone missing? Prepare and arm yourself with this book. An attack from a garden Gnome is eminent. And try not to crack a rib while you're laughing. It will only aid the Gnomes. The message in Chuck Sambuchino's book is clear,"Respect your Gnome and perhaps it will let you live."

[...]

I gotta say, I really enjoyed this book, despite having to look over my shoulder to make sure the little buggers weren't watching me. I mean, you don't want them to think you are on to them. It would not be pretty. Thus the need for this book.

This is uniquely what you might describe a "3rd Level Spoof". The recent iterations of "Urban Survival" books were spoofs of the end of days militia survivalist books. The "Zombie Survival" books were spoofs of the "Urban Survival" books. And now the Gnomes is a spoof on the Zombie books. And it is done well and in good fun with funny, yet creepy pictures. And it seems to touch on some global nerve because worldwide there seems to be legends of Garden Gnomes being more than they seem.

For some more fun with Gnomes, check out the film Amelie.

This book follows along the lines of the Zombie Survival Guide books. It is pretty humorous, but seems to lack the finesse that the Zombie Guides have. I saw a lot of potential for humor and even a cult-like following of people joking about the Garden Gnome Horde, but the book sort of fell short.

You could read this book on a mid-length flight. Thats what I would recomend it for actually. Perfect way to just shut down and be mildly entertained for a few hours. Unfortunately, this book doesnt seem to have it in it to become a folk-like reference for the nerdy masses to amuse themselves with.

The book basically explains that Gnomes are out to get you. It attempts some humor, but I didnt get it too much. There was no depth to the 'story'. Never explained why they are attacing, or REALLY how to defend yourself, just that you should be ready to. Sort of a "look out for this" but not a "this is what you do" book. I do understand it is fictional, Im not crazy, but it should have gone about 20% further in the book and I think it would have made it. It just fell short.

I would recomend this book for a young teen or tween who might find it funny and a motivation to start harassing neighbors with antics of rearranging the neighborhood Garden Gnomes on a nightly basis.

Sorry if this review seems vaige, this is a hard book to review. I enjoy the Zombie Attack Survival books, my friends and I have long running jokes about that stuff. I was really hoping this book would open up new avenues of nerdiness and gag gifts like the Zombie stuff, but it just fell short.

I did read the book cover to cover, and in a short time, so it must have been somewhat enjoyable.

I've always thought the myriad of garden gnomes slowly taking over my father-in-law's yard and garden were slightly creepy and off-putting. Those rosy cheeks and twinkling eyes hid a dark malice I was convinced. This book proved my suspicions and more. If you're uneasy about the gnomes hiding in plain sight around us, this practical guide is essential. It will show you how to spot the gnome's sneaky infiltration and teach you how to protect yourself and loved ones. It's chock full of helpful tips such as constructing a moat and how to recognize gnome communication tactics. This book will make a great gift for others preparing to defend themselves from attack or for that unbeliever gardening fanatic in your family with the abnormal fondness for these plastic creatures.

Have you seen them? The pesky pointy hats? The fake smile? The hand behind their back holding something menancing? I bet you have. We have lived in fear too long of the oncoming attack. This guy willa ttempt to get you prepare of what is coming. I had an encounter with a gnome that has left me traumatized. He was following me through the woods of a New England town. I used the tactics I learned in this book and managed to get away.

The book is funny (if laughing maniacally due to dire circumsntaces is funny) and really short. The author is right, anyone can read it in an afternoon. It is not as good as other survival guides, but it does pretty well with its subject matter. Give it a chance.

Earlier this year I read Max Brooks' The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection from the Living Dead. I love zombies and a well written humor book can go a long way so I enjoyed it quite a bit. Unfortunately it also set a standard for other "survival guides".

I had high hopes for How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack. I grew up visiting my great-grandparents' home where all of their neighbors had rock gardens filled with gnomes in various states of activity and thumbing through the pages of an early edition of Gnomes 30th Anniversary Edition at my nana's house. Any The Sims player knows how much fun it is to kick a lawn gnome. Personally, I'm rather fond of the tacky lawn accessories. So a humorous book poking fun at them seemed like it might be really tongue-in-cheek entertaining.

Sadly, for me, it just fell short. While there was a lot of science and pseudo-science laid out in completely plausible ways in The Zombie Survival Guide none of the scenarios really felt at all "okay that could be real". Yes, I have seen a lawn ornament out of the corner of my eye and thought "did that thing just move a little closer", but I haven't found a missing pair of scissors that I didn't KNOW was somewhere being used by one child to hack the hair off the other. Don't get me wrong, I wanted to like this book. I really did. I just found so much of it felt downright contrived... maybe like this was intended to be a parody of other humor survival guides? It's just trying way too hard which even my husband, whom I read much of it aloud to, said it sounded like it was trying to be a Max Brooks work.

While I, personally, didn't like it this book definitely deserves praise for its originality. I think it might make a great gift for a gardening enthusiast with a good sense of humor or a die-hard The Sims player/fan who would get the joke. Enjoy!

Many people fear Zombies. I myself have recurring nightmares of getting captured and eaten alive by zombies.

This book shows you the menace that is almost as dangerous but more common, that of the common backyard Gnome.

These creatures, once thought be benign are terribly dangerous and are after you to kill you. They will strike, and this book captures the essence of the danger in a witty, wonderfully photographed book that details the danger and how to avoid it.

Quite funny, I'm sure all lovers of gnomes will enjoy this book.

Yes, the whole concept is absurd, and Sambuchino is well aware of that. But his choice to write the book mostly straight, as if the topic he addressed were real, makes this book enormous fun. A clever parody of do-it-yourself guides, the brief book (the author acknowledges its brevity, but really, does anyone want five hundred pages of this?) amuses page after page. Sambuchino covers all the bases from gnome-proofing your home to the best types of defense against the diminutive invaders should they decide to target you. Completely hilarious and very, very enjoyable.

The basic premise of the book is brilliant- that cute garden gnomes are murderous thugs bent on our destruction. The problem with this book is that it starts with a brilliant premise, but doesn't really do much with it except repeat the premise over and over again. I hate to use the word tedious, but I just did. I couldn't even finish it. I couldn't finish "A Wavelet Tour of Signal Processing" either- and we all know how exciting that was.

Everyone knows gnomes are cute and cuddly folk. Sort of like a less mischievous version of leprechauns, right?

Not so fast, says Mr. Sambuchino, and after reading his guide to gnome attack survival, I'll be taking my naps on the backyard hammock with one eye open.

If you love your garden and you love your garden gnomes, take my advice and read this book--preferably on a rainy day (when you're not able to get out in the garden). Or over winter.

And if you're part of a garden club, consider gifting the book to the group as a whole or have the group purchase a copy for every member. You may or may not save a life, but you'll definitely tickle a funny bone.

If you can overlook the couple of things the editor obviously did, this is a short and enjoyable book. 4 stars for a coffee table book about gnomes? Well, yes, because it excelled at what it was supposed to be. Written in a very dire tone about the perils of lawn gnomes and their psychotic desire to kill their humans, this book is light, fun, and worth a couple of hours for a few laughs.

This is clever book full of immensely practical, useful advice that may save your life. Drawing on -- and exposing -- the bucolic myths that have been spread by prior works like Gnomes and The Adventures of David the Gnome (3 Disc Box Set)-Nick Jr, this practical handbook will help you prepare, as much as is possible, for the inevitable strife to come.

There's been a spate of attack of the [blank] books lately, probably spurred by the success of The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection from the Living Dead, but this one's well-researched and original and the author's done enough background work to give his jokes some substance. If you're interested enough to be amused by the cover, you'll probably like the rest of it, too.

I decided to try this book because I love Gnomes. When the original book by Wil Huygen and Rien Poortvliet came out in the 70's, I was fortunate enough to be given a book from a family friend in the publishing business. Oh how I loved my Gnomes!

This book is a spoof on both the original Gnome book and the current "Zombie Survival" rage. It is "illustrated" with lots of snapshots, instead of beautiful drawings and hand written commentary. It has a few funny moments, but the whole book gives the effect of being very slapdash, in my opinion. It could be a cute joke gift, but do not purchase this book for serious Gnome lovers.

I blame Max Brooks.

The Zombie Survival Guide is, beyond question, an impressive piece of work -- it appeals to the primal fear of dehumanization and body horror that makes zombie movies so popular, while simultaneously mining painfully deadpan gallows humor from the standard zombie tropes. And this book is obviously a parody of Brooks' book, by way of Molly Weasley's garden and the weird dude reading all the tinfoil hat websites down at the public library... which, um... yeah.

See, garden gnomes just aren't scary. Annoying, pompous, and given to wanderlust, sure. Obviously the author was hoping to pull some laughs out of the idea of an utterly innocuous garden statue being a clear and present threat, but his gung-ho, vaguely paranoid style fails miserably to capture what Brooks' pseudo-scholarly tone did so easily. In fact, it kind of goes to the heart of a tricky question -- how do you parody a parody, especially one that's already so far over the top? One thing's for sure -- choosing a premise seemingly at random is not necessarily a bad idea, but being hyperactively, off-puttingly weird only works in the hands of a very few, very talented comedians, and when you've already gone far enough out on a limb with a premise like murderous garden gnomes, you're setting the bar so high that even Andy Kaufman, Steve Martin, or ZAZ would have trouble clearing it.