Slow Sex: The Art and Craft of the Female Orgasm

Very different approach to intimacy. I did gain a lot of helpful information from this book. I haven't actually applied the techniques given but have taken the general ideas and I feel this book could be very beneficial for many. Gives a different perspective on how we look at sex.

This groundbreaking research has finally been assembled and bound into a book that will change the conversation of sexuality for many years to come. As a culture, we are ready for a redefinition of pleasure and sex that goes beyond the classic definition of climax and it's over.

The writing is lucid, simple but not simplistic, and fun! This should be required reading for every relationship. Many relationships start to lose that spark that was there in the beginning and disappears at some point in the future--the information and practices contained in this book take little time and can be read and practiced by anyone, young and old, experienced and inexperienced.

Slow Sex and the mindfulness that is taught in this book has completely changed all aspects of my life. I am able to ask for what I want, Have what I want and give others what they want, cleanly and without strings attached. That alone is revolutionary~

Take your sex life to the next level, take it down a notch, and try Slow Sex. You wont be disappointed.

I have been an OM practitioner since 2006. This practice has completely shifted my connections with women -- and surprisingly -- with men as well. I am more finely attuned to my own body, and more sensitive and aware to the energy of people I am with out of doing this work. I have been waiting longingly for a book that shares this work in a pristine way, in a way that is authentic to the work and clear of nervous social chatter about sex. My standards evolved out of shared exploration, learning, and collaboration with Nicole and the OneTaste extended community. They are high standards and hold a clear expectation of what is possible, and a tenacious commitment to seeing that a clear access to this practice is created and supported globally. In 'Slow Sex' Nicole Daedone delivers the book I've been waiting for, a work that I can share with friends and family and send around the world to far-flung acquaintances. It opens doors to living lives of purpose, lives immensely pleasurable and sensually well-nourished. The chapter describing how to OM ... is beautiful! This is an important book not only for new practitioners of Orgasmic Meditation, not only for people curious about how to reconnect to their own bodies, their own lives more deeply, ... but for experienced, veteran practitioners. For me, this is a profoundly social practice, and this book rightfully, gracefully, and compassionately moves the conversation about how to live richer, more connected, more authentic lives in community forward.

Contrary to the surface-level topic: slow sex and female orgasm, what I really got from this book was about...
- slowing down and paying attention to my life, myself, and those around me
- living from my experience of each moment, rather than from my head
- connecting deeply to others - not just in the bedroom - but anytime you want
- noticing how scared I was to want what I desired (what if I didn't get it? what if it was BAD to want that? what if I didnt' know what I wanted?) and how different the actual experience of my desires was from the IDEA of my THEORETICAL desires
- asking for what I want in a direct, non-judgmental way that makes an opening for receiving it

I highly recommend it for people of both genders. Yep, it IS the best sex manual I've ever picked up. But that's because it's so much more. The stories are sweet and funny and thought-provoking and I find that I'm seeing how the ups and downs of life are kind of like the ups and downs of orgasm. Enlightening. And let's be honest: provocative. All this stuff pushed my buttons, and will probably push yours, too, even if yours are different than mine.

You need to understand something about this book before purchasing it. This book is a how to manual for a very specific way of having sex. I found what she was asking us readers to do was just not possible for my wife and I's life right now. That is okay I still found what she said fascinating. What I really gleamed is the stories of women and the trouble they face trying to lead their lives the way they believe it should be.

I would say do a little research before you click buy about the practice of OM. See if it something that you can benifit from. If you are intrigued then buy this. It is well presented and entertaining to read.

"Women who think they're going to learn anything from Fifty Shades of Gray are wasting their time. They'd do better to read `Slow Sex: The Art and Craft of the Female Orgasm.'"

I read that on a message board.

So I bought Nicole Daedone's book.

On page 1: "I teach a practice called Orgasmic Meditation. It's a way that any man can bring out the orgasm in any woman, in just fifteen minutes."

Would you read on?

Very quickly I learned that orgasm, for Daedone, is not the moment of climax. It's the entire experience of sex. It's the way sexual potency is "a source of power," an "entry point" to joyful living, a "gateway" to a deeper connection with your lover.

Sounds good?

Or would you prefer to learn, from "50 Shades," how to enjoy being whipped with a riding crop?

Given that choice, any reasonable woman --- or any man involved with a woman who prefers improved reality to romance novel fantasy --- would ask: So what is the technique?

It's not sex. It's not even foreplay. After 15 minutes, you get up and leave. It's just what Daedone says it is --- meditation. But because we're talking about orgasm, you do it with your body.

Or rather, you do it with the woman's body --- because the man remains fully clothed. She removes her pants. Lies down. Spreads her legs. From there, he does everything. Looking. Stroking. Talking.

However much I may be a man of the world, I blush to tell you the specifics. So please watch Nicole Daedone's TED Talk (yes, she made a presentation at TedxSF). I'd suggest that you start at 5:30 and cut out around the 10-minute mark.

But let's take a breath here and address a different question: Who is Nicole Daedone and why should you pay attention to her?

From The New York Times (yes, she was profiled in the Times):

"Ms. Daedone's early career was hardly alternative: she studied semantics at San Francisco State University and then donned her pearls to help found an art gallery. But at 27, her world came crashing down when she learned that her father, from whom she was largely estranged, was dying of cancer in prison, after being convicted of molesting two young girls.
"Everything in my reality just collapsed," she said. "My body turned to stone and crumbled."
Her father had not behaved inappropriately toward her, Ms. Daedone said; on the contrary, he was a distant figure.
"There had been a way I felt close to him in this felt way, and then all of the sudden he would shut down," she said. "I later came to understand that he was trying to protect me from himself, from his pathology."
Her pathway back to life was initially Buddhism, which she pursued with a vengeance, intending to live in a Zen community. But at a party in 1998, she met a Buddhist who had a practice in what he called "contemplative sexuality."

What she got from taking off her pants, being stroked and talked to was nothing less than a revelation. She discovered that women are entitled to ask for what they want, that paying attention to female pleasure rewards the man as well as the woman, and that the benefits of orgasm can have a huge ripple effect: "It will be turned on women around the world, and those that dare to stroke us, that will change the world, feeding the desire for connection that we all have."

This is powerful stuff. I know because when I described Daedone's technique to some women of the world, they all found reasons to balk. He doesn't have to be your lover? He looks at you? He talks to you? And then you leave?

Hey, I also felt huge resistance. But then I considered two of the chapters in this book.

The first is "What Men Should Know About Women." Among her points:
-- "Women want to have sex just as much as men --- just not the sex that's on the menu."
-- "What she really wants is access to your attention."
-- "Women have no idea how much men love them."
-- "She doesn't want `her' way, she wants `our' way."

The second is "What Women Should Know About Men." Among her points:
-- "Men experience acknowledgment through a woman's happiness."
-- "Nice is the trump card."
-- "Say it to a man every time like it's the first time."
-- "Men get confused when women withhold information."

This stuff makes sense. I can't speak to the genius of the meditation technique, but I'm sure that Nicole Daedone has a few things exactly right. I know I don't want to be "handled." I don't want a woman to fake her pleasure. I want sex to affirm us, not just get me off.

Is this technique for you? It's your call. I can only offer advice on a related topic: confusing the messenger with the message.

In the mid-1970s, I wrote a piece about Werner Erhard that put a serious dent in his business. Too bad it didn't shut him down. Not because est was a scam --- Erhard was a very clever guy, and he very adroitly appropriated the smartest tech of other disciplines --- but because he so fundamentally disrespected his customers. He could hardly avoid it. Someone who likes to stand in front of a large audience telling them how it really is tends to have some deep needs that, for all the sharing, never get shared with his/her disciples.

And so it may be with Nicole Daedone. I have no problem with her book --- you buy it, you take it or leave it. But I'm not sure you need to pay $49 for a "badge" that gives you greater access to her web site. Do you really need OM Stroke Lube? Or the OneTaste Signature OM Kit? More seriously, I note that several people who are no longer affiliated with her now speak about her crusade as a cult. If so, curb your enthusiasm.

As for the book and the technique, I can't fault her words: "Whatever you do, make sure you're doing you where you thought you were going, but it will never lead you astray."

Women are not just clitorises. Please buy and read Naomi Wolf's latest book Vagina: A New Biography. The amazing and profound information contained in that book could change any woman's sexual/psychic/emotional life for the best. I think Daedone means well, but again, women require much more than fifteen minutes of clitoral rubbing to feel completely fulfilled; indeed, the way women are constructed sexually demands much more....for one thing, the clitoral system extends far into the vagina and the so called G-spot is only one orgasm-inducing part of it; there is also a spot near the cervix that if properly stimulated, will result in some of the most emotionally intense orgasms imaginable. Perhaps it appeals mainly to men who don't want to deal with the emotional dangers of actually getting naked-on all levels- in a bed alone with a woman for several hours as well as to women who are used to perfunctory and truncated sex with their partners and feel that that is all they can ever hope for. 70 positive reviews of this book seems very sad to me.

there are some good people affiliated with this organization/cult /movement. Nicole is great: Fun , smart , approachable. I wrote a Satire about my experience with OM. Such a wild insightful experience. new book is called OM A Tantric SEX Cult Odesesyy

I heard about Slow Sex and Orgasmic Meditation in Tim Feriss' book, the 4-hour body - and stopped reading to order this. Nicole Daedone has found a perfect balance point at the intersection of sex and spirit, and simplified a great heritage of sacred sexuality into a 15 minute practice anyone can do - as long as a clit and one finger can connect :) <3

So I learned that sex is actually masturbation, because why else would you name the book "Slow Sex" and write about masturbating one another? Its one of those books where I get a kind of disgusted feeling afterwards because I felt scammed into buying it and wasting time on it. Obviously Tim Ferris and Tony Robbins have realized there is big money in recommending books so how big of a share do they get from the sales?

I read this Book and everything in my life including sex is different. The Slow Sex approach to life isn't new, but it is accessible to an engineer like me to really see how a mindfulness practice is so important. Practicing Orgasmic Medition has drastically changed our sex life. She is the one to initiate it now.

Short review: I picked up several ideas that make me, a man of 48, a better lover. The book reinforces the idea that women are very different from men, in spite of what modern trends have you believe. For those who are looking for better understanding of yourself and your woman, this book is a must read.

Expanded review: Listening to the audio of this book I noticed some sensations that were strangely familiar. After a few chapters I finally got it. It was a manual how to understand oneself, your woman, and life with all its wisdom.
If I'm not mistaken, my first exposure to the concept of Understanding Life came from reading about the practices of Shaolin Monks. Then, I thought that yoga held answers to all life's questions. Natalie Goldberg in her Writing Down the Bones tried to convince me that I can get answers to life's questions from writing, or with whatever it was I practiced a lot, with all concentration, without any reservations. I started believing that after wrote on my first book.
I also read that life's secrets reveal themselves to those who practice martial arts. I struggled with this concept until I got my first black belt in Japanese Swordsmanship. And only when I published my first book, I understood that anyone who practices their art with everything the got, full of intention and effort, can, and often do, head on the way to profound life's wisdom through their frequent practice of their chosen art. This idea is confirmed time and agin in these books:
Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance by Robert M. Pirsig;
Sword and Brush by Dave Lowry;
Moving toward Stillness also by Dave Lowry;
Shinkendo by Toshishiro Obata.

Reading this book only once will give you a glimpse into an unusual, very impractical world, where things seem harder than they appear. Reading it for the second and third times, you begin to understand that this new and different lifestyle is very much attainable with regular practice and devotion to the art. In this case the art is a very re-defined concept of Orgasm. I don't believe you can get there on your own, with just this book as your guide. You need a real teacher and other students who will keep reminding you that you are not alone with your struggles.
The book is revealing and frank. You will pick up some good ideas from there, but I doubt it will change your life with a single read. If you are at all concerned with making your partner happy and your sex better and more fulfilling, read this book at least twice. Hold your reason, logic, and common sense in check until then. The book will grow on you the more you read it and the more time you give it to penetrate through the lifetime of build up of callous in you psyche and on your genitals.

For a long time, I have found myself frustrated with my love life and intimacy. Recently, I set a goal to dramatically improve my love life and intimacy. As part of this goal, I decided to seek out reliable information sources and guides to help me better understand my love life and intimacy.

Last night, I finished this book. Admittedly, I have not begun to practice these techniques and therefore cannot attest to their efficacy. However, the raw theories and concepts outlined in the book have certainly caused me to shift most of my mental paradigms regarding intimacy.

I found the book refreshing, inspiring, and entertaining. There are a couple of unique aspects about the book which I would like to share which:
1.) Essentially, as you read along you will likely have some doubts and general skepticism about the overall theories and techniques...The author has artfully peppered throughout the book brief sections & testimonials for the skeptics and doubters which address/resolve the readers' skepticism and doubts.
2.) Most importantly, the book will inspire you and give you hope. This book effectively helps the readers' to see/recognize the flaws, & fallacies we are conditioned to believe regarding love and intimacy. Further, it purports to be the enlighten pathway to enhanced time enduring intimacy.

Be advised that that what the book offers is very different from what the group dynamic offers. Group dynamics around this sort of thing (I'm no prude) are fertile ground for unhealthy group dynamics- beyond polyamory vs monogamy debates. In good health :) !!!

I often wonder what kind of people spend their time professionally researching methods of sexual intercourse, and even more than that, where they get their funding. For some reason I get the distinct impression that they probably don't have much fun, despite the job title and flow of easy money.

This book isn't wrong, but neither is it the be all and end all. Slow sex and romance, yeah that works sometimes. As does a host of other things.

Sometimes a woman wants it hard and fast, strong and passionate. At least some women, sometimes. It varies. You have to feel your way throw things. But that's not something I expect people so alienated from their own being that they have to refer to books to learn how to have sex to really comprehend.

Try to enjoy the ride -- that's the point.

[...]

Nicole has written a thoroughly well-organized and detailed overview of the OneTaste style of expanded orgasm in her new book, Slow Sex.

Slow Sex is an EXCELLENT book for many reasons:

It teaches you the exact techniques to do a OneTaste-style OM
It explains what's in it for men and what's in it for women
It explains the rules of engagement for a OneTaste OM
It includes an OM for a man's penis, not just for a woman
It explains how once you turn a woman on, her whole life can be lived in turn-on and why that is a life changing possibility for YOU
I live my life in orgasm, in turn-on.

I am besotted with life. Heady with my potential and excitement. I feel wonderful. I'm deeply connected to my humanity. I love my body and its capabilities. I deeply appreciate how OMing has made my sex life incredible. And most importantly, I appreciate how deeply intimate and connected I am to my OMing partner, my husband.

And you can have all this too.

"Orgasm is the body's ability to receive and respond to pleasure." -- Nicole Daedone

Nicole underscores the importance of Slow Sex by describing how this focused attention on feeling the sensations derived from this clitoral stroking technique will make your body come alive with pleasure. And that pleasure will spill over into all aspects of your life.

How to OM is a great chapter that offers tremendous clarity and instruction.

The Ten-Day OM Starter Program is a solid beginning for the most simple OMing practice.

And where the book really shines is in Nicole's description of The Four Month Orgasm. Which is essentially "living in turn-on." That's where your OMing practice helps you feel your desire and ask for what you want - the strokes you want, the sensation your body wants to feel...

And the learning to speak and follow your desire spills over into the rest of your life in a way that empowers you as a woman to follow your passions, to pursue the things for which you long, to feel a hunger for life in a way that when you are not awakened in your body, you are anesthetized to the sheer joy of living.

The "Four Months" moniker is a Trojan horse. Once you are a turned-on woman, feeling life not just through your brain, but through your body, your world transforms into a richness that's indescribable. "Four Months" just makes it approachable to anyone who hasn't yet achieved this state of being and might like to. Trust me, living orgasmically goes on forever and keeps getting better.

Desire As Your Compass

[excerpt from Slow Sex]

The key to having a lifelong orgasm is not OM, exactly. OM is just the rehearsal; it's where we learn the music, build the muscle memory, develop the habits that will support us when we get onstage. It's where we practice for the main performance: life. Life, including "regular: sex, and male-female relationship, and everything else we do. The habits we form through OM -- habits of receptivity, appreciation, awareness, true intimacy -- are 180 degrees opposite from the habits that rule our conventional world.

So learning to make them our default setting stakes practice. It takes great attention and precision to choose subtraction -- simplicity -- in a culture that hawks addition at every turn. It takes repetition to learn how to pay attention enough to feel sensation in the body, to experience turn-on as it rises, crests and carries us. And it takes a practiced willingness to feel what you want and then be vulnerable, intimate, and open enough to ask for it, come what may.

It takes all those things, yes, but it takes one thing more.

When it gets down to it, there must a a willingness to change your navigation device. We tend to navigate our lives using signposts set up for us by the world -- norms, expectations, shoulds and should nots. If you want a lifelong orgasm, you have to let go of the comfort of being told what to do by the outside world and start looking for direction within. You have to start charting your own course, using your own compass. That compass is your own desire.

-- Nicole Dadeone

I cannot recommend this book highly enough. Yes, it will rewire your body and brain. Yes, it's well-written and you can follow it to try this at home. Yes, it's a fun read even if you decide the practice is not right for you.

I give Slow Sex a double dog-eared thumbs up!

"Slow Sex" is like having a very good friend lying on the table at the side of my bed, and in its pages I know I can find my orgasm. This book has a great sense of humor and when Iam being way too serious about my sex life, I can read a few pages and soon that seriousness will fade away. Reading this book is like pressing the "on" button to my orgasm and sex! So grateful to have it next to my bed!

Nicole shines the light on parts we have been taught to keep hidden and ashamed of - vaginas, clitoris, vulvas and labias (let those words roll off your tongue at the next dinner party and watch everyone's reactions). She takes sex and orgasm out of the dark ages into a world of enlightened possibilities. I keep it by my bedside so that I remember to remember how to live each day in orgasm, as she describes in Chapter 9. But try not to skip ahead or you'll miss the whole point to slow down. This book is for anyone who loves to love women. It'll set her free taking you with her on the most exciting journey.

I have had the chance to read Slow Sex. Informative, easy to read, friendly, inspiring, and deeply real. Slow Sex inspired me to turn on the lights, slow down, and feel every moment. It offers a different perspective about what female sexuality is in a way that is refreshing. Slow Sex releases the reader of having to "do anything" other than be present to what one is sensing. This book is a gift to the world. I will recommend it to many people.

This book is incredibly misleading and the author babbled about herself and mundane life experiences until she finally reveals her meditation secrets. If supporting your partners knees in the lithltomy position while you stroke her genitals for 15 minutes as she lays on a yoga mat sounds like great sex, than this is the book for you.Misleading and just plain weird. I practice Yoga so meditation and breath work are not foreign to me but this is just a book far from it's advertised tittle.

Wonderful book, well written, very honest, real and touching. And yet it's a manual on how to OM (Orgasmic Meditation). I am loving it. Could not put it down. Can't wait to take on OM'ing as a life practice. Is it true? can it really do all that and more? All I know is as I am reading it, my body relaxes, my heart opens up, and do I dare say... "my nana tingles and seems to be saying "Yea, it's about time!"
I highly recommend this book to my female friends (because it can set you free) and to my male friends (because it can get you more sex with your women)

Working with Nicole and reading Slow Sex has transformed my relationship life. Before being introduced to this work I was constantly in a state of terror that I would get bored, outgrow, or mess up my relationships with men. Armed with the material in Slow Sex I now feel confident that I can grow, transform, and co-create with my man based on desire and intimacy. yay!

The author acknowledges that women have "way more" repression around their sexuality than men do, but at times she seems to insist on not seeing the reasons why this is true. In her chapter on "what women should know about men," she states that men want women to be happy. I think this is naive. There may be some men that want women to be happy, or maybe many men that think that they want the women close to them to be happy, but in general, patriarchy is not about women's happiness. It is about controlling women. And one big way that patriarchy controls women is by making them ashamed of their sexuality and their desires.

By patriarchy I don't mean some anonymous institution. I mean the way individual men act in their lives toward women today. There's still a lot of misogyny out there, and to assert blandly that women just don't understand men and how much they want to please women and make them happy is extraordinarily naive to me.

On the OneTaste website (the author's organization's website), there's a video where a relatively young man says that he does not like women who have had too many partners in his view and who seem too eager to have sex. That's patriarchal conditioning in this young man. Yet these statements are just passed over in the video as if they don't mean anything serious.

You can't write a book about women's orgasm and women's sexuality that purports to liberate women to enjoy a more free sexuality without dealing with the role of men--individual, contemporary men in their relationships to women now--in repressing that sexuality. It seems as if the author is setting up a false hope of better sex for women, since she does not address the political issues behind the repression of women's sexuality.