A Widow's Story: A Memoir

My husband died in April. Eventhough we are not public people I shared many of the same emotions and reactions. Mine was not a sudden loss like Ms. Oates but we were both married a long time. I found it helpful.

Oates is my favorite writer, so I have been anticipating this book for some time. I'm happy to report that it doesn't disappoint. The first third of the book is especially compelling as Oates depicts her husband's initial illness (later diagnosed as pneumonia), six-day hospital stay, and sudden death. There then follows an unsentimental account of the "grieving process" seen as a kind of absurdest nightmare complete with unending morbid errands to be run and daily packages of useless party food to sign for. Oates' penchant for black humor comes through occasionally here, and I laughed out loud a few times. She certainly isn't trying to put herself in a good light.

The events of February-August 2008 are broken up by chapters describing how Oates and Raymond Smith met, the general track of their lives and careers, and certain episodes from early in their marriage. These chapters read like isolated short stories and may be the strongest parts of the book. Also adding to the variety of A Widow's Story are email exchanges between and Oates and her closest friends, some of whom readers may recognize.

The only major weakness is that the middle chapters are marred by too much repetition as Oates tries to convey her state of mind as a new widow. One metaphor, concerning how it's impossible to make out a reflection when standing too close to it, even appears twice, almost word for word. It's hard to determine if the repetition is intentional or the fault of careless editing. I hope the redundancies can be cleaned up for any future edition. With just a little trimming, it could be a five-star book. As is, long-time fans will get everything they love about Oates along with a fascinating account of her private life, and newcomers can dip their toe in the ocean of Oates' writing with this unique take on a universal experience.

Having recently lost my husband, I wanted to read about someone who also has had this experience.
For the most part, I totally agreed with her perceptions and agony that went on after the death of her loved one of
many years. She certainly has my sympathy and gratitude for sharing.

My first JCO book. Love memoirs and hoped to gain some insight into a widowed friend's mourning. Was drawn in, at first, but then felt bogged down with repetition, verbosity, and the dreaded beady red-eyed basilisk. Couldn't relate. Felt like fiction, especially when the damsel in distress is ultimately rescued by the Princeton prince, within 6 months of the love of her life's death. Not recommend. Do admire JCO's master of language and her gripping (and often disturbing) symbolism. I am sorry for the author's painful loss. Because she is such a renowned writer, I'll try again. Likely, fiction.

It would have been enough if she had described her depression in retrospect. And it seemed that she could have delved deeper into the reasons why she seemed to accept that her husband had kept so much of his life closed to her.

A Widow's Story is deeply moving but hilarious at the same time, to become a widow and how to cope with this newfound status.....Joyce Carol Oates writes intelligently, sensitivly and brutally honest an almost day to day acount of her very personal suffering. The only way to get through such a difficult time is to share it, she did with the rest of the world and gives us a superb offering of her art.

A most personal account of what a widow experiences. Ms. Oates provides the true feelings and actions of a widow. Every married woman should read the book. As one reads the book, one cannot help but feel that Ms. Oates accurately expresses a widow's personal feelings of sorrow.

Four and one-half stars for this memoir that shows the difficulty Oates had adjusting to the sudden death of Raymond Smith, her husband of more than forty years. A widow for seventeen years myself, I can identify with much of what she suffers at her loss. Because she had no children and few close family members, she relies on friends to help her. Her suffering---sleepless nights, forgetfulness, disorientation, lethargy, etc.---is so real the reader cannot help but sympathize with her. While the repetition of some of the narration serves to emphasize her condition, I thought it was a bit much in some cases, my reason for the rating of four and one-half stars. Joyce Carol Oates has been a long-time favorite of mine, and with this memoir, remains so.

Kudos to Joyce Carol Oates. Whether you are a widow now or could become one, this is a valuable treasure. I could relate easily ith the main character and have recommended this masterpiece to friends.

Appealed to me because of becoming a recent widow. Identified with her grief as only another widow can do. The pain is tremendous but life goes on. It becomes very different but with the help of beautiful family and friends you get through it.

Joyce Carol Oates, one of our best and most prolific authors, was joined at the hip with her husband, Raymond Smith. They had no children and did almost everything together. When he died unexpectedly, Ms. Oates was devastated. Although a woman of tremendous talent and accomplishment, she had failures of self-confidence, nightmares, and depression.

I know all these feelings, as I had them as well when I became a widow. The first year of widowhood has been described by some of my friends as "crazy time". The widow loses things, locks herself out of house and car, awakes screaming in the middle of the night, looks a wreck, and feels like a leaf being blown into outer space.

Ms. Oates describes all these feelings brilliantly and without mercy. The book isn't an easy read, but it's comforting in a strange way to know that someone famous could have the same feelings and somehow, with the help of friends and the gift of time, survive and flourish.

Some reviewers have mentioned that JCO should have revealed that, while mourning the death of her husband, Ray Smith, she married again. I believe that near the end of the book she does hint that love entered her life once again. After relating how she and Ray had met all those many years ago, she briefly describes a dinner party held at her house several months after she was widowed. In a book otherwise extraordinarily wordy, she suggests in a passing remark that she had on that occasion an encounter that was an echo of the meeting with her first husband. Life, at times so cruel, can also be wonderful. She was being given a second chance at love.

A Widow's Story is an amazingly candid story about a woman whose husband dies unexpectedly. Mostly it is about her personal life journey during the early days of her widowhood. Joyce Carol Oates is articulate in her description of how a wife loses her identity following the loss of a life partner. I feel that she has actually described widowhood as most women experience it. This is an excellent story. I highly recommend it.

Joyce Carol Oates continues to amaze her fans with brilliance. The writing style for this emotional spin through the months following the death of her husband three years ago fits the anguish she felt. And the style as well as the pace changes as she realizes the new life awaiting her. This is a must read for widow or widower alike who should find her candid exposure an important part of their own healing.

as a widow I have the misfortune of knowing exactly of what the author writes however it may be because she is writing of the very early stages mainly--a time of self absorption when the outside world and it's concerns fade--however I found the book pedantic without the glimpse of the future that truly is there

JCO' s memoir provides and intimate perspective of the writer's painful experience of losing her beloved husband. As a long-time fan of her novels and short stories, I was touched by how personal and detailed she was willing to be in telling her story. It is well known that she has rarely, if ever, been so open about her life in her writing and, by her own accounts, she doesn't share personal information with her students. Why not a rating of five? Unless there's a follow-up memoir,it seemed incomplete. What more has given hope besides that after one year, the writer is still alive?

Joyce Carol Oates has always been one of my favorite authors. This book did not disappoint. It was a very honest, raw account of what a woman experiences when she unexpectedly looses the love of her life.

A friend gave me this book right after my husband passed away and it was helpful and comforting then. I am praying that it will serve the same purpose for a recently widowed friend. It was delivered in a very timely manner in perfect condition.

I adored everything about this book and found myself carrying it around with me, hugged to my chest, as if trying to protect or comfort Joyce from all this pain. I loved the honesty and humor and deep down feeling she shared and magically put into words. This everyday side of an extraordinary writer's life is fascinating and wonderful. What a gift for her to share this with us.

Difficult to read! I'm hoping it was cathartic for her to write, but I am having trouble staying with the story. Of course she loved her husband and is blessed with good friends and financial security, but that's where I got lost.

I became a widow after almost 30 years of caregiving for my husband. My Faith sustained me all those years and through the parting by death. My faith kept me from the depression this writer talks about. I know he is face to face with the Lord now and it is such a comfort. Much different than Joyce's experience.

JCO never disappoints. This is a painful story but one you can pick up and put down depending on your frame of mind. I found myself taking notes in my journal after reading it. She is raw, honest, insightful and brave.

As a Joyce Carol Oates reader since the 1970s and a recent widow, Ms. Oates writing helped me weather some dark, sad nights. I felt close to her, but then I've admired her talent and work for many years. Reading "A Widow's Story: A Memoir" was almost as if I was learning about my experience and feelings.

She suffers from a mental illness, but is not aware of this.When her husband was alive, he stabilized her condition - but when he died her illness became acute.

She did not consider psychotherapy, but relied on powerful tranquilizers instead.

I frequently got tired of her complaints - but admired her for her courage.