My Secret Garden

For years, I used erotica books as surrogate fantasy material, believing that I was incapable of fantasizing during sex, that I had no fantasies of my own and had to use other people's. Reading "My Secret Garden" changed my perception of myself drastically. Those horrid, disturbing thoughts that floated into my brain, that I would shove down quickly as "sick," were indeed fantasies. The brave women who contributed their fantasies and feelings showed me that even if what I was drawn to was "sick," it certainly wasn't uncommon.
I am especially grateful to the women who commented on making the decision to share, or not share, their fantasies with their lovers. This was crucial for me. At a time when my thoughts were to be confessed on demand, I deprived my lover by depriving myself: those weren't fantasies, they were just random weird thoughts that made me uncomfortable. However, after getting out of a bad relationship and realizing that my mind was my own toy, I realized that I could explore those thoughts without fear of exposure to anyone but myself.
One I allowed myself my own secret garden, I found that I could share with myself and my current lovers in a way that previous ones had tried to coerce out of me. Living well is indeed the best revenge, and I thank Nancy Friday for her subversive assistence.
There are sections and chapters. Here's a listing of the section headings:
Introduction: Twenty-Five Years in the Garden
1. "Tell Me What You Are Thinking About," He Said
2. "Why Fantasize When You Have Me?"
3. The House of Fantasy
4. "Where Did A Nice Girl Like You Get An Idea Like That?"
5. Guilt and Fantasy, Or, "Why The Fig Leaf?"
6. Fantasy Accepted
7. Quickies
Afterword: "In Defense of Nancy Friday" by Martin Shepard, M.D., psychiatrist
Along with fantasies submitted via taped interview and by mail, Friday includes her own analysis of the history of women's erotic nature, the era at the time of initial publication and the fantasies themselves. There's no bibliography and no footnotes; she mostly refers to any sources in her text itself. She's a good writer, whether I agree with her at each chapter or not.
Written letters are kept in the style in which they were sent. Some of the women are amazingly articulate. Some of the letters are a painful read from a literary standpoint. But I think that enforces the idea that all of the submissions are genuine.
People who are interested in this book simply as another erotica compilation may well be disappointed. This is an academic study of women's fantasies, and not a "best of" compilation. If anything, it's a compilation of what Friday observed to be most representative of her times. And a quarter of a century after its initial publication, it changed my life.

Huh. What can I say about this book that you don’t already know. It’s all the fantasies of the women in the seventies in one place. Nancy interviewed many women and their interviews are recorded in this book. One thing that I found interesting, or maybe shocking, was that some women fantasied about having sex with animals (dogs, mostly), (that’s not the shocking part - I guess to each it’s own), but then few women said that they actually had their dogs preform cunninlingus on them almost every day. I had never come across this before. Perhaps I haven’t read much. 

...ok, I simply have to say a few words about this book. I was a repressed teen. Had fantasies but felt shameful, dirty, weird. I don't even recall how it was that I found myself in a bookstore thumbing through this book, but I felt SO aroused and...more to the point, LIBERATED..and validated. I wasn't alone in my "weird" fantasies! . I left the store with red ears and a throbbing pulse. Took me many weeks ( maybe it even was months..I don't really remember now, as it was a lot of years ago!) to go back and shame-facedly purchase the book. I won't go into detail here, but suffice it to say, certain pages were dog eared..for many years. ( other pages were never even looked at twice) That one book was the key that opened me up to being a very sexually open and expressive woman. Bravo. Lisa in CT

Nancy Friday asked women around the world, to send in their sexual fantasies and experiences. What she got even shocked her. Some of, if not THE most provocative fantasies and experiences ever published. I have owned(notice I said "have owned") a couple of copies of this extraordinary book. But each time I bought one, someone would want to "see it", and I would never get it back. Like Forbidden Flowers (a similar publication by Nancy Friday), anytime someone seen me reading a copy, they'd want to read a page. Only thing is, I never had anyone who could only read one page. They would be so captivated by its contents, they'd read more and more. I've had as many as 5 women at a time, come up to me and inquire as to what I was reading, then ask to let them "read a page". As they read, mouths dropped open, eyes would widen, faces would turn flush, and giggles galore would occur. It's amazing how a book can make women in their 20's 30's 40's and 50's act.

This is in no way like one of those "letters" books you've heard about in porno shops. Those letter books are not even in the same league!!! And its not a book with a bunch of 4 letter words in it to help sales, though there are a very few of them in it. No, it's what, and how it's said that makes this one risque' to say the least. Millions have been printed, and millions have sold. It's been a few years since I owned a copy of this book, and for various reasons. But I love to write reviews for the store, and since it is a book I've read several times through (grin), I felt I should write about it.

Getting back to the book, be prepared to be shocked. It is totally uncensored, and includes Nancy's own research into human relations. If you desire to find out if other people have had similar fantasies and experiences that you've had. If you seek to learn about research done on the topic of sexual fantasies, you'll want to read My Secret Garden, and Forbidden Flowers.

Easy, quick read. I didn't realize it was written in 1976. The whole book is confesses of other women's fantacies that they have written to her about and a little paragraph of her introducing them. It's not a story. There is a little bit of every and I mean every kind of fantasy in this book. Not for the squeamish
I imagine it was the first book of its time

I couldn't just recommend this book without knowing why someone would want to read it, or more importantly, if they're ready to. I've always been open to female sexuality and don't care of their fantasies, or don't care that they have them. They're healthy.

I highly recommend this book to females who need to understand their sexuality and be comfortable with it and to open-minded men who can accept women as sexual creatures.

The beginning of this book is an introduction of how this book came to be along with a few cool stories about her life that led up to it. For the most part, this book is just slam full of female fantasies. Think about any kind of fantasy, its in here. Great read, worth buying to read the beginning and skim the fantasies.

I always thought this was the best book on female sexual fantasies but when everyone started talking about 50 Shades of Grey I thought it would be much better. 50 shades is a totally mediocre even not compared to my Secret Garden.

I have enjoyed every Nancy Friday book that I have read. In this one, Nancy Friday, brings together women's fantasies under one cover and tries to represent different commonly occurring themes. The book is well organized and gives a great sense of women's interior fantasy life. It is also RED HOT and broke ground at the time in overcoming ignorance and shame where women's sexuality was involved. There is also a similar book on men's fantasies called Men in Love.

I first purchased a copy of My Secret Garden back in 1975. What most impressed me was the wide range of attitudes and ideas one possesses; the vastness of the human mind, as expressed in our sexual fantasies.

Some may cringe at some of the fantasies in this book, the bestial and sadomasochistic ones in particular. Readers will also have a variety of opinions on the commonality of bisexual and lesbian fantasies. However these are all part of human nature.

The updated version contains several more recent fantasies and a very interesting introduction which shows how both the study of sexuality and feminism have changed since the early '70s.

This book puts a spotlight on one of the "mental prisons" in which so many women (and men, also) spend their lives. Friday shows us the secret and denied fantasies that a few couragious women were bold enough to share with the world.

When I first bought My Secret Garden, I was expecting to read some hot steamy erotica. And this is book is not exactly erotica. It's more of the lines of educational research, but in my opinion no longer relevant because this book was written in the 1970's and was a taboo shocker when it came out. I'm writing this review in 2004 and nearly 30 years later we've pretty much know everything by now and I certainally was not shocked when I read it.
But I think My Secret Garden is very sincere and honest. Nancy Friday is obviously a very intelligent person, though she tends to blab on and on and really doesn't get to the point, I lose interest in what she is saying. The women write about what turns them on or about past sexual experiences, but rarely get into explicit detail about their fantasies, which I was expecting.
My Secret Garden is a good book if you want to learn more about women and their different concepts of fantasies, but if you're looking forward to reading detailed erotica, I'd look elsewhere.

You know what I learned from this book?

I had no idea women fantasized about dogs so much. (New meaning to the word "shagged"?)

And that's why I give this book a 4 star rating. You'll never look at women the same, you'll learn a lot about yourself, and you'll never take anything for granted.

Some women admit things that could land them in prison, while others don't seem to realize they're describing their own child abuse. Structurally, I found Friday's commentary superfluous and many stories are redundant, making the book twice as long as it needs to be. I also wonder, are these stories an accurate reflection of general trends or did the publishers just print the juicy stuff?

Either way, this book will change you. If you thought you already knew women were freaks you ain't seen nothin' yet.

I am online to purchase more of this amazing woman's work. I found her open mind to the hidden world of women's fantasies refreshing. She also opened my mind to how thoughtless I have been as a lover. It is a great book to travel with, the person sitting next to you will either "not bother you, due to the subject" or "start an interesting conversation, because of it". I am ready for the next adventure, thank you Nancy Friday.

I first read this book 25 years ago. It was the "Hottest" thing I had ever ever read. I was a mother of two young children. It was nice to know that other women had fantasies and that they were just plain fun and nothing to be ashamed of. I am 25 years past my shyness now but am glad to know the book is still in print.

If "normal" women really have these fantasies, they are mentally-deranged. Which would explain a LOT, esp. why they're so easy to pick up. But it's still seriously depressing to even consider the possibility.

I first read this book on the shelves of my public library when I was still a teenager, and I'll NEVER forget that first rush. WOW - someone else actually has these ideas going through their head?!
Mind you, that was 10 years ago. I've re-purchased the book many times over, because I keep on losing it or giving it away. This book is a fantastic combination of the psychology behind women's sexual fantasies and the actual fantasies themselves. I'll be honest - I haven't masturbated to these fantasies in years.. although I did constantly when I was still a teen.
This book opened my eyes up to the 'taboo' of sexual fantasy, and helped me understand at a crucial time in my life that fantasy is healthy and a necessary part of anyone's life. I no longer have ANY sexual taboos.. and it's mostly because of this book.

Ten years ago, this was the first book of erotica that I read.
I still remember many of the fantasies and stories vividly.
These range from the "standard" to the extremely daring.
The mixture of real events and fantasies is very stimulating.
The women recount near-incidents that became lifelong fantasies.
Many readers may enjoy having old encounters stirred back as such.

it is so important to get a different perspective of the dynamics of a woman's mind. each story is short and to the point, and so eloquently written. whether you stop reading after one brief fantasy, or, continue through the next random few, it leaves one with a feeling of lightness and openess in the mind and heart. it feels safe. its a secret, yet its open....

I purchased this book hoping to get some new ideas, be inspired, enlightened, aroused, titillated...but no, none of the above.
The only thing this book did was reassure me that this world is full of a lot of sexually repressed women and even more Jerry Springer-like trashy ho-bags. There was no sensuality here. Perhaps it's because most of the text was written by amateurs but good LORD. If I were writing something that I thought would end up in a book, I'd take more care to make it interesting.
There's a distinct lack of imagination AND character in our society. This book makes that painfully obvious.

Another reviewer mentioned this already, but there is sex with animals. Most of the lesbian stories involved women being turned on by dogs or donkeys. I was pretty disappointed. I didn't give it 1 star, because I appreciated the work that went into collecting the stories. It was written in the 70s, so maybe that had something to do with the tone.

This is so funny. Back in the bell-bottom days, Nancy Friday basically put out an add and got a bunch of women to send her their sex fantasies. Then she picked out the most deliciously perverted ones, left out the tame boring ones, and passed her book off as "research" into the "average" female's sexual imagination (haha).
This book has it ALL, even bestiality and incest. Read at your own risk.
David Rehak
author of "A Young Girl's Crimes"

This collection of fantasies may be just that: a collection of people's fantasies and silly sexual secrets. Don't expect any more than that and you will be ok. If you think this is going to be sexy to read or erotic then you are waisting your money!!!

I really wanted to like this but found it shocking and disturbing in some places to the extent it's now lying in the bin. I consider myself open minded and sexually liberated but learning that people get turned on by family members and animals made me recoil in horror. In one story a woman clearly referenced being sexually abused by her dad but (despite being a child) saw herself as the instigator. This kind of fantasy shouldn't be celebrated in a book in my opinion.

Nancy Friday
My Secret Garden: Women's Sexual Fantasies

(New York: Simon & Schuster/Pocket Books, 1973) 336 pages

A collection of women's sexual fantasies as told by themselves.
Good raw data for further research into sex-scripts.
They seem little different from men's fantasies.
Many show signs of early sexual imprinting.

If interested, search the Internet for the following bibliography:
"SEXOLOGY---SEX-SCRIPTS---BEST BOOKS".

James Leonard Park, author of
Imprinted Sexual Fantasies:
A New Key for Sexology.

The title of this book should be changed to "My Secret Sewer." A garden? Replace the flower on the cover with a weed and bury this piece of trash six feet under. While there's some good stuff here, some of it is disgusting beyond belief, and no, I'm not talking about the lesbian scenarios. I'm not advocating champagne and roses, and I have nothing against red-blooded, no holds barred, even explicit sex. But some of this stuff is simply sleazy, degrading and masochistic. Bestiality? Incest? Well, as I've heard it put, erotic is when you use a feather and kinky is when you use the whole chicken. Yeah, I know some of you will say I'm a prude. Well, shoot me. I'm wearing my bulletproof vest.

This is obviously not something you leave out on the coffee table but I give it five stars for the type of book it is. Fantasies are just fantasies. Most people have no desire to do what they may fantasize about. Even her next book is not as good.

This was the best book I ever purchased. Mainly because I coach men and women in their relationships, on dating and intimacy. It really helped me understand what women desire even more. Not to mention how erotic it is!