My Heart and Other Black Holes

Dear Reader: The is a review of My Heart and Other Black Holes by Jasmine Warga. It was certainly an interesting read but I feel like I needed more information than the book was giving. It's a very dark plot; a story about a girl who sees no light left in the world and decides that she is going to take the quicker way out. She will kill herself to rid the world of the daughter of a murderer. Via the internet and a website, she finds a boy who wants nothing more than to do the same. He is mourning the loss of a sister that feels 100% his fault. But humans are inevitably social creatures and neither can do it alone. When Aysel finds Roman, she thinks she has found someone with the same darkness in their soul to help her maintain her path of self-destruction. FrozenRobot, or Roman, as he is known in real life, needs someone to keep his over-bearing mother off his trail long enough to finally jump into the void.
I have mixed feelings about this book. On one hand it is a realistic take on life and how sometimes you people who have given up on everything can find another lease on life, but I didn't feel like either of their lives was bad enough to make such drastic choices. However, I will leave the final opinion up to you, dear reader. In the end I would give it 3-3.5 stars. Worth reading. I would recommend it to readers 16 and up.
Yours,
Rosie the Reader

4 stars!

“Maybe we all have darkness inside of us and some of us are better at dealing with it than others.”

Sixteen year old Aysel is ready to die. Thrown in the aftermath of her father’s actions, she has been shunned and pulled away from everyone close in her life. An outcast at school and in her own home, Aysel has been spending her time browsing suicide websites where she meets Roman. They make a pact to kill themselves on a specific day, and in order to keep up pretenses for their families, they begin to spend time together.

“You're like a grey sky. You're beautiful, even though you don't want to be.”

I’m not normally one for the teen suicide genre, I find I cannot relate often times and cannot understand the desire to take one’s own life. Imagine my surprise when my heart just bled for Aysel and Roman and each of their situations. Aysel brought my eyes to tears multiple times in the beginning of this book. She was thrust into a horrible life situation very suddenly, the actions of her father ruining her life and the lives of others. She’s shunned by her classmates at school, and she stays away from those trying to be nice to her because she doesn’t want them hurt by association. Her family doesn’t know how to reach her, and at times it seems like they don’t want to.

Roman had an equally horrific reason for wanting to take his own life, one shrouded in guilt I couldn’t even begin to understand. As a romantic interest, he wasn’t my favorite because while he accepted Aysel and didn’t judge her, he also didn’t seem to have her best interests at heart. In fact he was a lot more invested in the pact than he was in a friendship with Aysel.

“Depression is like a heaviness that you can’t ever escape. It crushes down on you, making even the smallest things like tying your shoes or chewing on toast seem like a twenty-mile hike uphill. Depression is a part of you; it’s in your bones and your blood.”

I picked up this book and couldn’t put it back down. Reading this book you wouldn’t think this was a debut novel by this author. I honestly think her books will only continue to get better based on the great quality of this first book. Aysel was my favorite part of this book, I never at any point felt her feelings were unjustified, even if her turn around was fairly quick. This is a young adult novel that I feel will stand the test of time.

“I will be stronger than my sadness.”

by Zach...

This is a heartfelt book that showcases the emotions and actions of a pair of teenagers who have been kept in the dark and find the light in one another.

In Jasmine Warga’s My Heart and Other Black Holes, two depressed teens find each other on a suicide support website and make a pact to be suicide partners. Aysel, the main character in the novel, gives a first hand look at her depressed, suicidal life. She constantly worries of growing up to be a monster like her father, who committed a murder the town has never forgotten. She eventually meets “FrozenRobot” or Roman. The pair become friends so Roman can get out of the house long enough to kill himself. As the story continues, Aysel and Roman form a weird friendship as they talk about their past, depression, and the pain they felt through the years. The novel brings up topics often talked about on social media. The overall story is both heart wrenching and entertaining. This is a sensational book to read, one I definitely recommend!

Review courtesy of Dark Faerie Tales

Quick & Dirty: A suicidal romance

Opening Sentence: Music, especially classical music, especially Mozart’s Requiem Mass in D Minor, has kinetic energy.

The Review:

There was a lot of hype surrounding this book when it first released and although I didn’t get a chance to read it at the time, I’m so glad I received a review copy from DFT. Just so you know, it was hyped for good reason!

The story is told from Aysel’s perspective, a young girl suffering from depression, wanting to kill herself but is in the search for a suicide partner for ‘moral support’. Aysel uses a suicide website (do such things exist???!!!) and meets her match; Roman, aka frozen robot. The story takes off from there and is a countdown until April 7th, their agreed ‘deathday’.

A surge jolts through my bones and I vaguely remember that this is what excitement feels like. FrozenRobot has perfect timing. Maybe, for the first time in my life, I’m lucky. This must be a sign from the universe-if the only time you get lucky is when you’re planning your suicide, it’s definitely time to go.

Even though the love story was predictable, I still enjoyed reading it. Neither teenager has any hope for the future but, ironically, by meeting their suicide partner they begin to experience living. It’s all about finding reasons to live that are stronger than the reasons to die.

He looks over at me and my heart seizes and I think that any second, it might explode. Sometimes I wonder if my heart is like a black hole – it’s so dense that there’s no room for light, but that doesn’t mean it can’t still suck me in. I’m going to miss Mike the most. I’m going to miss him so much, I almost can’t stand it.

Aysel has a very realistic way of describing depression, and she emphasises the ugly truth of it, like a black slug that sucks her happiness away. Her honesty and exposed feelings really hit home and helped the reader to try and comprehend why she’s so focused on dying.

“You’re like a gray sky. You’re beautiful, even though you don’t want to be.”
But he’s wrong. It’s not that I don’t want to be. But I never wanted to be beautiful because I was sad. FrozenRobot of all people should know that there is nothing beautiful or endearing or glamorous about sadness. Sadness is only ugly, and anyone who thinks otherwise doesn’t get it. I think what he means to say is that he and I are ugly in the same way and there’s something familiar, comfortable, about that. Comfortable is different from beautiful.

I enjoyed this story more than I expected to because I’ve known people suffering from depression and I know first-hand that it’s an awful place to be. For someone to pull you out of that ‘black hole’ is near enough a miracle, and this story gives the reader that hope.

As I pull out of the school parking lot, I make a promise to myself: I will be stronger than my sadness.

In this tale, Aysel begins to imagine a positive future, but just because she’s started having second thoughts about committing suicide doesn’t necessarily mean that Roman feels the same. Aysel’s new mission is to try and turn Roman around, which is a very scary thought because you can only help someone willing to accept help.

What I also liked about My Heart and Other Black Holes was that the story isn’t focused on Aysel wanting to live for Roman or vice versa. Aysel fights for herself and although it was because of Roman that her perspective changed, he’s not the sole reason for her decision. Her strength comes from the inside and the author is correct about it being a long road to recovery. The fundamental message that I hope everyone takes when reading this is that no matter how difficult and dark things may seem, it does get better if you only let yourself believe.

Notable Scene:

Yes, I’m broken. And yes, he’s broken. But the more we talk about it, the more we share our sadness, the more I start to believe that there could be a chance to fix us, a chance that we could save each other.

Everything used to seem so final, inevitable, predestined. But now I’m starting to believe that life may have more surprises in store than I ever realized. Maybe it’s all relative, not just light and time like Einstein theorized, but everything. Like everything seems awful and unfixable until the universe shifts a little and the observation point is altered, and then suddenly, everything seems more bearable.

FTC Advisory: Balzer + Bray/HarperCollins provided me with a copy of My Heart and Other Black Holes. No goody bags, sponsorships, “material connections,” or bribes were exchanged for my review.

I have read one other book that focused on suicide… so I found myself comparing a bit when I first started My Heart and Other Black Holes. It was impossible not to because that book was such a hard read and at times this one had me feeling the same way.

In My Heart and Other Black Holes, Aysel is obsessed with planning her own death. She lives with a mother who can barely stand the sight of her, and a family who isn’t really hers… all because she has a father whose crime has defined her short life and made it a living hell.

But she can’t do it on her own… which is how she discovers a website for Suicide Partners. Once she’s there, she’s convinced she’s got a solution in the form of a boy named FrozenRobot… or Roman in real life.

Roman himself is haunted by a tragic family accident and has decided his time has come… he even has the exact date and so he and Aysel agree to be in this together.

Warga has created an amazing story here … one filled with heartbreak and tragedy, but also filled with hope and love. These two desperate teens find each other for a reason and while they have nothing in common in the beginning, as their relationship progresses and the days count down you can’t help but hold your breath wondering what will happen at the end.

I think what I loved most here was the acknowledgment of depression. Aysel didn’t once try and sugarcoat her feelings, she knew exactly what was wrong with her, she knew she needed help… it’s the asking that’s the hardest, and I suppose as a parent the acknowledgement of it is hard too, so to see her and her mother discuss it was an amazing part of this story.

The thing that bothered me about this though, was that there is somewhat of a mystery as to Aysel’s father’s actions. It really irritated me that we had to wait as long as we did to find out what exactly her father had done especially since this the main reason for Aysel’s depression and desire to die. I think for me, I wanted to know why she was so set on this action.

I will say that I loved the progression of the Aysel’s character… seeing her family rally around her, especially her sister, and point out that that things will never change if you don’t let them was wonderful.

Overall, a sad and poignant story filled with hope. Hope that things can, can and will be better someday. Definitely put this one on your to read list if it isn’t already, and I’ll definitely be looking forward to more from Warga in the future.

If you want an enjoyable and touching book about mental illness, I suggest skipping this one and instead reading Finding Audrey by Sophie Kinsella, which shows monumentally more respect for mental illness than this book does.

I think I have a hard time connecting with a depressed teenager MC, having never been one myself; however, I did generally enjoy the story. My main issue is with how it's all wrapped up. Aysel is depressed, and wants to die, but then (view spoiler) Like... Really? Sure, I've never been depressed or suicidal, but I know it's not something that just magically goes away. And this ending really downplays the seriousness of depression and the fact that it's a real, horrible disease. It's as if the author is saying (view spoiler)

Suicide isn't a topic most people like to discuss. It's upsetting and sad, and I doubt the majority of folks want to believe that it's a subject they'll ever have to deal with personally. Of course, they think, if they ever need to talk about it, they will. They will get a suicidal person the help they need, and they will be supportive, and they will show their loved one that they are not alone.

The problem with that sort of thinking, unfortunately, is depression and suicidal thoughts are not visible to the naked eye. They isolate and tear down, whispering to the depressed person that they are alone in their struggle, and sometimes the people who love them don't see the signs until it is too late.

MY HEART AND OTHER BLACK HOLES tackles this difficult conundrum. Aysel (pronounced Uh-zel) is a 16-year-old girl living each day in tremendous doubt and fear after a horrific incident that turned her life upside down and inside out. Roman is a 17-year-old boy wracked with suffocating guilt over a terrible tragedy that he feels was his fault. Both of them consider the cold end of death far more appealing than the certain pain of continuing their lives. Both of them know they can't take the plunge into that dark unknown without a little nudge.

Both of them feel completely, devastatingly, alone.

But in that loneliness, they find common ground. And on that ground, using the pieces of their shattered lives, they start to build.

MY HEART AND OTHER BLACK HOLES takes a thoughtful, honest approach to depression and suicidal thoughts. Aysel's pain is very real and raw, and there are no easy answers for her. She sees the world through a jagged, fragmented lens that twists everything into ugly and hateful shapes. But even as she longs to escape her life, she has fears and uncertainties about what taking her own life means. And when she looks at Roman -- a boy who is good looking, popular, athletic, and loved by his parents -- she sees so many reasons to live that she can't see for herself.

I'll admit, parts of this story were hard for me to read. Any time Aysel had to interact with Roman's parents and felt guilt over what his death would do to them, I was gutted. And when the tragedies in each of their lives are revealed, it was achingly clear that should Roman and Aysel decide to live, their journeys will not be without pain and heartache and the kind of healing that can hurt worse than bleeding. This is not a story with easy answers or simple anything, and it felt all the more real for it. As the Author's Note at the end of the book states, recovery is not a switch flipping, but a daily battle that some people fight their whole lives.

But despite the pain and loneliness and bitter heartbreak in Aysel and Roman's lives, MY HEART AND OTHER BLACK HOLES is not a bleak book about death, but a story about hope. It takes two broken, hurting people and shows us that even at our darkest, we can be someone's light. Even at our weakest, we can find strength. And even the loneliest of us can provide support to someone who may desperately need it.

This novel is a little different from most novels out there. It is much darker than the books that I typically read, but even in its darkness, there was a lot of light. The characters were witty and likeable as well as diverse and complicated. I was hooked from the beginning and found myself constantly asking, “How is this going to end? Is this going to rip my heart out?”

Aysel and Roman are both teens going through life with a lot of weight on their shoulders. They turn to each other in order to end their lives, but begin to find that there might be a few things in life worth living for. This novel is beautifully written and sheds some light on the topic of depression in a way that people who do not understand it can gain a better grasp. Depression is something that is inside of a person and it can affect anyone. I love that Warga has written a book for young adults about such an intense topic. Mental illnesses are often misunderstood and are not talked about frequently enough. Warga did a fantastic job with the topic. She talked about dark subjects but kept it upbeat and readable.

All in all, I thoroughly enjoyed this book and think it should be added to every young reader’s “To Be Read” list. It is thought provoking, sweet, and witty. I enjoyed Warga’s writing style and plan on reading more of her books in the future.

Jasmine Warga’s My Heart and Other Black Holes is as heartbreaking as it is hopeful. Ayzel has been silently dealing with a growing sadness that’s been gnawing away at her insides. Ayzel’s relationship with her father was never perfect, especially when he seemed to get more and more unstable, but she always felt more of a connection with him than her mother. But when her father committed an unspeakable crime, Ayzel had no choice but to join her mother’s new family. Not only does she feel like an outsider in her small town, where everyone looks at her as an extension of her father, but even in her own home, she knows she’s different from her stepsiblings. Ayzel is convinced that it’s only a matter of time before whatever lurked inside her father comes barreling out of her. After all, how can she still love a man who committed such an unspeakable act?

Ayzel is ready for a way out and suicide feels like her only option. When she makes a suicide pact with Roman, a fellow teen also dealing with depression, she has every intention of following through. But Ayzel begins to have doubts the more she spends time with him and the more she begins to realize what she’ll be leaving behind. Both Ayzel and Roman are dealing with loss, while one is consumed with fear, the other is consumed with guilt. It’s important to note that these characters come from different backgrounds and are dealing with different issues. It’s a reminder that depression isn’t predictable, that it can affect anyone and it isn’t an easy road to travel.

My Heart and Other Black Holes deals unapologetically with depression and suicide. Warga is quick to remind readers that mental illness is not something to be romanticized, to hold up on a pedestal and call beautiful. It’s messy, all-consuming, and does not come with a quick fix. Hope is also an important concept in this novel; Warga provides another way out for her characters without giving an unrealistic impression that treatment will be easy.

When a severely depressed teenage girl named Aysel (pronounced Az-elle), decides to commit suicide, she trawls through a website to find a ‘suicide partner’, so they can do it together and make sure they go through with it. Her partner turns out to be seventeen year-old Roman, haunted by his own demons and wanting out. The book is about their journey together as they build up to committing suicide together on April 17th.

This affected me so much and so deeply that I couldn’t stop thinking about it for weeks. It made me cry most of the way through and the characters were so well done.

This book is really important, no doubt about that. It teaches about the importance of life and living it, and gives an insight into the suicidal mind.

It’s stunning and powerful, and I recommend it for anyone looking for an emotional, thought-provoking read.

The full review can be found on my blog, Reader Rayna, as well as on my Goodreads.

I started reading this with a lot of sensitivity brewing in me because of my personal past (and present) and how much I can relate to Aysel's feelings of depression and suicide.

That being said, that is not why I rated this 5/5 stars.

The writing was fantastic and kept the plot moving forward. Yes, at times I thought it was a bit slow and dragged out, but I also understood the importance of those scenes when they made a reappearance later in the book.

The plot itself was something I've never read about - or have chosen to read about. As it's such a personal topic for me, I have a very sensitive heart when it comes to it. But the story itself was gripping and I wanted to cheer for the characters to get better and to realize it wasn't their fault and that it does get better.

I thought there was great character development. I saw the transformation in Aysel and was so glad when I saw it. Roman was the tough one and the stubborn one, but I completely understood where he came from and why he blamed himself so heavily for what happened.

Yes, there were some parts that could have been explained more or actually happened (I really wanted her to confront her father) and maybe some things should have been different, but for the subject matter of the book, this was beautifully written.

And please. If you or someone you know is in a situation like this, please have them (or you) talk to someone who can help and be a positive bright light I that darkness. You have no clue how much that light will be of value to that person one day.

My Heart and Other Black Holes was obviously an important book for this author, the heart of it is full of a depth of emotion and shows a writer baring her heart a little. In that way, it is beautifully written and resonant and I can see exactly what this was trying to achieve. And would I believe for the target audience.

For me it didn't quite work. Whilst I was involved with the characters, they didn't quite stick and some of the things that happened and how it panned out didn't quite touch my heart in the way I expected despite the struggle they face which is well drawn.

Aysel and Roman meet through a suicide website, both looking for suicide partners. Lets gloss over for a moment the fact that Aysel just happens to find and end up meeting a good looking, athletic boy who is of a similar age - and move onto what happens next.

They agree a date and a method and start hanging out together so it will look less strange for them to be away with each other on THE day. They both start connecting with each other on a deeper level and whilst Roman remains determined Aysel begins to see light at the end of the tunnel.

Whilst the theme of depression is explored well here, there was an emotional disconnect for me because a lot of what happened seemed all too convenient. Aysel falls in love and love conquers all right? Well no, not really although we'd all like to think so. And it was WAY too quick. The novel is set over a period of about a month, and various things all happen in a heap in that time that begins Aysel's slightly hopeful upturn.

The two teenagers are well written and I think that, on a plus note, young adults reading this will therefore connect with them a lot more than I did. I got stuck I think on the unlikely things that happened and lost focus on the heart of the story - that of two young people struggling with severe depression.

It was a fast read and I liked that it ended on a more positive note. Nothing was fixed but some things were fixable. And it is a good story well told touching on some distinctly important issues.

But whereas "All the Bright Places" left me an emotional wreck and "Weightless" still haunts me to this day and "Unspeakable" made me cry both happy and sad tears, "My Heart and Other Black Holes" hasnt really hit me where it hurts. For that reason whilst I would positively recommend it to its target audience, for an older reader it just wasn't quite.

Severely depressed due to the fallout from the violent crime that sent her father to prison, 16 year old Aysel is convinced that suicide is the answer. Turning to a website called Suicide Partners, Aysel teams up with FrozenRobot (Roman), a troubled teen with his own reasons to make this very permanent life decision. In the process of planning their end, can Roman and Aysel decide that living is not as bleak as they once believed?

Dealing with realistic issues such as teen suicide and overwhelming grief, My Heart and Other Black Holes is a well written look at how depression can take all of the good out of your life. The concept is not a new one in teen books, but the way that author Jasmine Warga uses some of the scientific principles of physics adds a different element to this novel. For such a heavy subject matter, My Heart and Other Black Holes is strangely optimistic. With well developed characters and a fast paced plot, this novel held my interest from the first word to the very last. This is an ideal book for teens and parents alike, as the conversation it can spark could potentially save someone's life. I look forward to reading more by debut author Jasmine Warga in the future.

Aysel's parents are from Turkey and moved to the U.S. before she was born. They split up when Aysel was about a year old and Aysel lived with her father. When he is sent to prison, Aysel moves in with her mother and her new family, though she doesn't feel welcome.

Aysel is 16-years-old and sad and feels alone. She decides she is going to commit suicide and finds a partner in Roman, another teenager, on an online suicide site. As she and Roman start hanging out together, she gets to know and like him and starts to reconsider their pact and hopes that Roman feel the same way.

This is the author's first novel and despite probably not being the correct demographic (mid to late teens), I liked it. It wasn't a happy story as Aysel and Roman were both dealing with dramatic events that had effected their lives. I liked the writing style and it was written in first person from Aysel's perspective. As a head's up, there is some swearing.

At the end of the book, there are resources for suicide prevention.

Blog review post: [...]

It's only February, but I think My Heart and Other Black Holes is going to be one of my favorite debuts of the year. It sounded right up my alley, but writing is everything for these kinds of stories - and luckily, Jasmine Warga's writing is definitely strong enough to make this story work. I absolutely loved Aysel's story.

Aysel is definitely what impressed me most about My Heart and Other Black Holes. From the very beginning on, I absolutely loved her and felt for her. I was really impressed with how Jasmine Warga's writing makes Aysel's emotions come across as so real. I understood her completely; it sounds bad, but it actually made sense to me why she wanted to die. Jasmine Warga's descriptions of the black slug, as Aysel calls her depression, are honest and raw and really make you understand what it's like to suffer through something like this.

I also loved the whole set-up of this story. The idea of suicide pact is horrible, but it's also very compelling and suspenseful to read about. Because of this, Aysel's and Roman's relationship is very distinct because, at the same time as developing feelings for each other, they have to keep reminding each other not to "flake out" and make sure they will stick to their pact. It's very dark, but I think Jasmine Warga made it work because, again, it totally made sense to me.

The only part I had an issue with is the ending; it just felt a little bit rushed to me. I found it kind of problematic how the romance is Aysel's main motivation for wanting to live, and how it changed her mind so quickly. After her decision not to commit suicide, I wanted to see more of the uphill battle of how she still struggles with depression, and how she manages to move forward. Especially Roman's development towards the end felt a bit rushed, and a part of his story seemed like it was only there to add drama without being fully explored.

Despite my issues with the rushed ending, I absolutely loved My Heart and Other Black Holes. Jasmine Warga's writing is poignant, raw, and honest, and Aysel is one of the most relatable characters I've read in a while. I definitely recommend My Heart and Other Black Holes, and I can't wait to see what Jasmine Warga comes up with next!

My Heart and Other Black Holes was recommended to me, and I’m glad I got to read it. I think this book may have pulled me out of a two month long reading slump! I have been enjoying Contemporary books lately, this one and Paper Towns are now my favorites from that genre. My Heart and Other Black Holes was hard to read and not cry, page after page I kept having to hold back tears.

Aysel has been depressed ever since her dad committed a terrible crime, everyone keeps there distance, they’re scared of what she might do, who she might become. It was interesting to see how Roman and Aysel’s relationship changed overtime, and how Aysel began to look forward to the future.

This book had moments that made me cry. My Heart and Other Black Holes was dark and mainly dealt with partner suicide, and depression, not light topics.

I feel like I would recommend this book to everyone, it was both sweet and sad. There were so many great quotes added in that just punched my “feels” in the guts.

If you ever need anyone to talk to about suicide or depression just talk to Angelina and I, we’re always there for anyone ? plus here’s the suicide hotline: 1 (800) 273-8255

At seventeen, Aysel's life has darkened and shrunk to the point where she doesn't look up, has no friends left, feels like a stranger in her own home and only feels anything like alive when listening to classical music or participating in physics class. She often describes her mood as a black slug inside her consuming anything remotely happy.
What got her to this state wasn't her fault, it was the horrific crime her father committed, but she's terrified that what triggered his act, lives inside her and she'll be just like him. Her Turkish ancestry in a small almost all white town in Kentucky, coupled with her mother's having remarried and that marriage producing two 'normal' kids, make breaking free of her emotional prison seem impossible.
When she finds a website dedicated to suicide that has a discussion board where people can partner up to make sure they'll be successful, she's hopeful that someone close by will post there. Enter Roman, AKA Frozen Robot, also seventeen who lives in a nearby town. While he's reluctant at first, to share his reason for wanting a suicide partner, he 'gets' Aysel and she 'gets' him pretty quickly.
After meeting and agreeing on April 7th as the date they will die, they continue meeting to plan so everything goes according to plan. However, even frozen hearts aren't immune to hope and the more time Aysel spends with Roman, letting him inside so he can understand her anguish, the less the black slug seems to consume.
What happens as feelings creep in and Aysel begins to re-evaluate everything she's come to believe about herself makes this book difficult to put down. In fact, it beat out my gardening plans yesterday because I couldn't stop reading. I've read and respect the critical comments from other the store reviewers. However, as someone who grew up with alcoholic parents, became one myself and found a new way of life when I didn't believe change was possible, I think the message in this book trumps any weaknesses. I would certainly add it to a library, whether school or public without any hesitation.

Grade: B+
Release date: February 10, 2015
This ARC was provided by Read Between the Lynes in exchange for an honest review.

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly: My Heart and Other Black Holes wasn't an easy book to read. It's full of sadness and dismal moments. Because of the synopsis, I found myself expecting the general ending, although not the specific details (none of which I will spoil here). Aysel Seran is a protagonist that you want to root for; I didn't pity her, but I did want to wrap her in blankets, give her hot cocoa, and tell her it gets better and not everyone is as awful as her classmates and people in her town can be. Roman Franklin is a character who needs blankets and hot cocoa, too. They're both so lost and they've both lost hope, and my heart goes out to them.
I appreciated how Aysel's mother and half-siblings made an effort to reach her. Her mother admitted her wrongdoings in a way that was perhaps wrapped up a bit too neatly, but I'll take it because it proves that, even when you think you're all alone, there are always people who will be there for you. I wanted a bit more of that Tyler kid because his part, while important, didn't have quite enough to it to satisfy me. Also, once the whole story behind Aysel's father was revealed, I found it to be well-developed and a fairly good reason for Aysel's fears. However, I didn't appreciate how long it took for that story to be told; I suppose it was for suspense, but it didn't feel like that to me.
Finally, for a contemporary book, the setting was nicely developed. There wasn't info-dumping or anything overly descriptive. I learned just enough about Langston and Willis to feel like I could picture Aysel and Roman in their towns and what-not.
There's foul language, but not on every page and not enough that I had to start skimming. There is also underage drinking.

The Verdict: Dark and sad but with enough moments of hope and light so as not to be overly depressing. And surprisingly, I enjoyed My Heart and Other Black Holes. (Surprisingly because, from the synopsis, I felt like it was a book that would make me think but wouldn't necessarily be entertaining.)

Review originally published in February on richincolor.com. ARC by publisher in exchange for honest review.

It is interesting that two of last week’s new releases dealt with the subject of suicide, as it is a subject that is sensitive to many and one that a lot of people don’t want to talk about, which is a shame because many folks experience depression and/or have thoughts of suicide. Teens especially need to be able to have someone to reach out for help, and sometimes, handing a young adult book that speaks to the heart of what they are going through can save a life. I honestly feel that My Heart & Other Black Holes could be a potential life saver for many young adults.

While Aysel’s depression is triggered over her father’s crime, Warga makes note to show how Aysel showed signs when she was growing up, so the novel doesn’t feel like one of those, “she’s depressed over something and now she’s all better, happy every after” novels. No, when we meet Aysel she is in the thick of her depression, has made the decision to commit suicide and is actively seeking help by having a suicide partner. And this is where I think Warga’s novel really shines. Reading the thought process of someone committed to taking their own life is very tough, but it is a thought process that is very real, hence making Aysel a fully-fleshed out character. It makes the reader empathize with Aysel, as we understand that when someone is at the point Aysel is, when they are in their darkest moments, it can be extremely hard to change their thinking. A person who is depressed to the point of committing suicide will not “just get over it”. Aysel is actively looking forward to her death. As a teacher of teenagers, this was hard to read because I kept thinking about a student who came close to this point a few years ago, but reached out and got the help she needed. As the novel is told in first person, Aysel, unfortunately does not believe that she can find help or even capable of help. It was also those moments that the heart of Warga’s story really impacted me.

It was also Aysel’s thoughts, her self-awareness about her depression that really made her a character to root for. She even personifies her depression, calling it a black slug, and it became a “villain” in a way. She has to actively fight against the black slug and sometimes she wins, sometimes she looses. I feel that having Aysel name her depression was a stroke of genius by Warga. It turned an illness that can be very abstract into something concrete. It allowed for readers who might not fully grasp how depression works into seeing the disease as a real obstacle in a person’s path. If people get anything out of this book, it will be that depression it is not just an imaginary illness in a person’s head, but a real tangible presence that they fight daily against.

And, I think, that is the beauty of Warga’s novel. The reader really connects with Aysel, with her wry humor, her love for her little brother, and how much she struggles with the slug that she fights daily. The reader knows that Aysel is a beautiful soul and really wants her to recognize her worth so she won’t continue to think about suicide, but is still willing to go on the journey that Warga lays out as Aysel begins to question her decision with Roman. The novel takes place over a span of 26 days, with each chapter counting down, and we are not privy to Aysel’s decision to live or die until almost the very end. And when she does, well…you just have to read the novel to find out.

Jasmine Warga’s debut novel is a beautiful and touching story about depression, family, friendship and love. It’s about answering the tough questions we have about ourselves, our place in our family and our world, but mostly it is about discovering and owning our own self worth. The messages and themes that My Heart & Other Black Holes explores is one that people of all ages can learn from and relate to.

Some teenage girls get labeled depressed for just run of the day teenage drama moodiness. Aysel is different. She’s actually gone through life changing events that have left her in a very deep depression. The kind that sends her to the internet to check out pro-suicide websites. When she finds someone near her town, she’s pleasantly surprised. She’s worried she’ll chicken out and wants a partner to encourage her. Upon meeting “FrozenRobot” aka Roman, she questions her decision. This kid is popular. And not just popular but jock kind of popular. Maybe it’s a set up. Somehow these jerks knew she’d be looking for a partner and set her up, revenge for her father did. But Roman. too, has gone through a life altering event. He’s serious. He too wants a partner. A partner to jump with as he’s already got his method, date, and location all mapped out.

As the days tick by and the countdown gets shorter and shorter, Aysel and Roman get to know each other. They bring out things in each other that had been buried deep down inside. They get to know each other. They discover they have chemistry. Roman doesn’t want a flake, he wants to know that what is happening won’t change Aysel’s mind. She assures him it won’t. But she can’t help but be changed somehow. Maybe she doesn’t want to die after all. Roman showed her there could be another way, but can she show him the same?

Most of the book is a bit dark and should be. The end feels somewhat different from the rest of the story. It’s too quick. Rushed. The characters are changing, but there’s no time for the transition to feel real. It feels like too easy an ending compared to the rest of the book that was so rough. Otherwise, I did like the book. It felt real right up to the ending then cheapened itself a little.

This book was given to me in exchange for an honest review.

My Heart and Other Black Holes is about Aysel, a girl who is obsessed with plotting her own death. Aysel meets Roman, a perfect football star, or so it seems. Aysel and Roman start to build a friendship, even though they don't have anything in common other than wanting to commit suicide. Aysel and Roman both had something in their lives that triggered the need to end their life. While this book is about depression and suicide it is about so much more. These characters are faced with unbearable choices that no one should have to face at their age. It seems like the world we live in talking about suicide is a taboo. It happens. It shouldn't but it does. Novels like this let people know that it is okay to talk about and that you are not alone. Filled with romance, depression, and very complex characters, this novel will leave you guessing and breathless.

I can't express how much I loved this novel. My Heart and Other Black Holes by Jasmine Warga is a novel that everyone should read. Young Adults, adults, everyone. It is such a powerful novel. You will be hooked with this book from page one and wondering what happens next. Pick up this amazing book, you will not regret it.

Some of my favorite quotes:
-I spend a lot of time wondering what dying feels like. What dying sounds like. If I'll burst like those notes, then go silent forever. Or maybe I'll turn into a shadowy static that's barely there, if you just listen hard enough.

-I've gone from being a bruise to an open festering wound. Evolution isn't always a positive thing.

-That's what they should write on my tombstone: Aysel Leyla Seran, the Girl Who Never Fit.

-Does a dead body still have potential energy or does it get transferred into something else? Can potential energy just evaporate into nothingness? That's the question I don't know the answer to. That's the question that haunts me.

-What people never understand is that depression isn't about the outside; it's about the inside.

-Like the universe's final joke: you can't plan your death, even when you try.

-We all want to believe that every day is different, that every day we change, but really, it seems that certain things are coded into us from the very beginning.

-He squeezes my hand so tight, I can't feel it anymore. I wish someone would do that to my heart.

-He is no longer the person I want to die with; he's the person I want to be alive with.

-Maybe we all have darkness inside of us and some of us are better at dealing with it than others.

-But as cheesy as it sounds, maybe the good days will make it worth getting through the bad ones.

Something that took me aback about MY HEART AND OTHER BLACK HOLES was how much was going on in it. Obviously, there’s the suicide aspect to the book. The summary also hints at some family drama. One thing it doesn’t talk about at all is Aysel’s struggle to fit in as a child of immigrant parents in a town that doesn’t have a lot of them, so not only does she feel Other because of her depression, her community constantly reinforces this through their treatment of her – both because of her father’s crime and because of her ethnicity. And, through all of this, Aysel still manages to be darkly funny.

Depression is like a heaviness that you can’t ever escape. It crushes down on you, making even the smallest things like tying your shoes or chewing on toast seem like a twenty-mile hike uphill. Depression is a part of you; it’s in your bones and your blood.

I feel like Warga did a great job getting us inside Aysel’s head right away using a combination of cynical observations and lyrical writing, which made it all the more difficult to watch Aysel wrestle with the decision to commit suicide and explore ways to do it. I think that ultimately, though, the book was as much about hope as it was about depression. As it says in the summary, Aysel starts questioning her will to die – as the book progresses, she starts finding little reasons to live.

Aysel’s struggles with her heritage were woven seamlessly into the story, from people stumbling over her name or straight up pronouncing it wrong even after she’d corrected them, to people learning her name and asking where she was from, to her exploration of her own feelings as she talked about how she didn’t look anything like her blonde, light-skinned half-sister.

Like I said, there is a lot going on in this book – a surprising amount, considering it’s only 300 pages. It’s both thematically and emotionally complex, not to mention the strength of Aysel’s character development. I will definitely be on the lookout for more from Jasmine Warga in the future!

Originally reviewed at http://www.shaelit.com/2015/03/review-my-heart-and-other-black-holes-by-jasmine-warga/

On the one hand, this book does a pretty fantastic job of laying out what depression really feels like. I say this as someone who gets the basic idea from reading Hyperbole and a Half, so disclaimers all around, but still. It seemed accurate to me. Aysel is depressed. Detachment, apathy, fatigue, difficulty concentrating, irritability, it’s all there. She’s determined to kill herself and uses the suicide website Smooth Passages to find a partner to help her go through with it. That’s where Roman comes in, another depressed kid looking for a way out. Interestingly (accurately), both teens appear to improve as they near their chosen date, as they’re buoyed by a sense of purpose. I liked the accuracy.

But OH GOSH, their families. I’ll be honest, I didn’t care much about Aysel or Roman. They were fine, but I couldn’t connect with their struggles. Yes, the actual depression was realistic and well-written, but their reasons? Aysel’s dad killed a kid in broad daylight and now she’s known as the crazy guy’s daughter. Could someone relate? Yeah, I guess? But sometimes people are just depressed because their neurochemistry is out of whack, and that would’ve been far more relatable. But THEIR FAMILIES. Whether you care about Aysel and Roman or not, their families will get you, especially Aysel’s brother Mikey and Roman’s mom. Telling a person they need to stick around for another person usually doesn’t work, I know, but I wanted to shake those kids. They knew how much their loss would hurt their families, and yet they didn’t care.

And… that’s about all I’ve got. I was pleasantly surprised that I liked Tyler Bowen as much as I did. I was less surprised (but wearily disappointed) that the plot drifted toward a “saved by love” resolution, even if it didn’t go all the way. There were some description quirks that irritated me (“silent” humming and Aysel hearing a whisper that would be physically impossible to hear), but nothing outlandish. Ho hum, Shae is done.

Points Added For: The acknowledgement of various Southern accents, Tyler Bowen, Mikey, Roman’s mom, some genuinely beautiful lines, the acknowledgement that depression is a war instead of one battle.

Points Subtracted For: Aysel’s prejudice against cheerleaders, the hint that Aysel and Roman can save each other, failing to make me care, a cover design that doesn’t really make sense (Aysel doesn’t cross-stitch.)

Good For Fans Of: Depression books, suicide stories.

Notes For Parents: Language, sex (off-page, in the past), death, underage drinking, kissing, suicidal thoughts/acts.

Note: I received a review copy of this title from the publisher for review consideration.

MY THOUGHTS
This was such a beautiful and brilliant book that I easily finished in one night!

Aysel currently lives with her mother and stepfamily in a depression. She has a mediocre job, she feels like her stepfamily doesn't want her there, her mother doesn't seem to care for her, and everyone judges her for what her father did to end up in jail. Aysel wants to commit suicide. She's been constantly planning her death and has been using the website Smooth Passages for ideas. The website has a thing called Suicide Partners where two people partner up and commit suicide together. This has never interested Aysel until a user called FrozenRobot asks for a partner and happens to live nearby. He only asks that they commit suicide on a specific day.

What I really love about this book is how realistic and relatable it is. I love how many books about suicide are coming out! That sounds bad, but suicide is, sadly, a very often occurrence and we need these books! I myself have thought about suicide before, many people have, and books like these do help. This book also showed depression very realistically. I could feel the characters' depression seeping off the pages and I was able to be fully immersed into how they felt and way they would want to end their lives.

This book also has so much beauty in it. Aysel and Roman (FrozenRobert) become close to each other during their time waiting for 'the end' and they eventually tell each other why they decided to do this. Aysel begins to actually care for Roman and her odd friendship actually helps her out of her depression. Even more, she doesn't want Roman to go through with it. It's so beautiful seeing the change in Aysel and seeing her slowly start to recover from her depression.

Also, this book is not a romance. I guess you can say that there is a bit of a romance, but that's not the point of the book. This book is about so much more!

IN CONCLUSION
Really, this book has so many layers within it. It's about depression, but it's also about relationships and family becomes especially important. This book was horribly, beautiful and I strongly recommend this book to anyone!

I wanted to read My Heart and Other Black Holes because the issue of mental illness is one that I struggle with as well. I can relate with either how the character is feeling from times in my life where I have been in a similar state of mind. I think that suicide is so important to talk about instead of letting it be so mysterious. I think that the message that teens-- and anyone really-- getting help is possible, and that the after math for the family is catastrophic. I have been in the position of a daughter losing her dad to suicide as well as my best friend's husband who I was also college friends with taking his life. Both have effected me and I miss them both.

Anyways, Aysel is a genuine and realistic character. The author has either experienced or did deep research because her depression is spot on. She has repetitive thoughts, she is down, and feels like it is something ingrained in her and that she can't fix it. Though her dad was arrested and she is on the outside of the social circles, she has never quite felt like she fit. She wonders if he passed anything to her, if the sadness was just the precursor to insanity and the murderer gene as she thinks of it.

She is worried though that she would chicken out, and doesn't want to be a failed attempt at taking her life, ending up paralyzed or even more isolated than she was before. Which is why she finds a site with forums and one lets you get a suicide partner. I was curious about Roman from the start, and even though they don't even talk online at the beginning of the book, I wanted to know where his depression and tendencies come from.

I aired the friendship that formed between her and Roman. They had a kinship and just accepted the other... weirdness, sadness, complicated pasts and all. Ayzel began to see that happiness can be changed. She was fascinated with physics and began to imagine that she could be great scientist in this life instead of theoretical possibilities. The way Roman saw her and the way she started seeing things from a new perspective . And with the possibility the sadness may not colour every day and experience.

She wanted to help Roman see these things... the possibility, being able to look at guilt and deal with grief and live in a way that can honour bcc what he had lost. While I think that friends and support can be a huge help and motivation, I also appreciated that she realized the desire and drive to overcome or at least battle the sadness and hopelessness was ultimately a personal choice.

The writing was gorgeous and flowed so well. I was flying through the pages and I wanted to know more, get deeper with the characters, find out their choices and how their past would effect them and how to make other choices.

There was a bittersweet but hopeful ending and I appreciated the author note and the realistic way she wrote the story.

Bottom Line: emotional, powerful, realistic with flawed but easy to relate to and pull for characters.

I'm so conflicted over this book. So conflicted in fact, that as I sit writing this review days after finishing it, I still haven't settled on a rating. My Heart and Other Black Holes was one of those very rare reads for me where, even though I didn't quite connect with the characters or become as invested in their lives as I normally prefer, I was wholly engaged with the story being told. The novel was very well crafted and the character development is nothing short of masterful, and yet for some reason I never connected emotionally, which hindered my enjoyment.

The prose is wonderful. It managed to reflect the bleakness and despair of the characters mindset, while also maintaining an underlying tone of hope and humor.

Aysel was a fascinating character and so realistic. She's dealing with a serious depression issue, one she describes as a black slug living in her stomach and sucking away all happiness. She's also terrified that because of her depression she'll someday snap and hurt someone like her father did. She's got a really bleak outlook on life, a fascination with physics and a sassy internal voice that I really appreciated. And then you have Roman. He's dealing with a terrible loss and an impenetrable grief. My heart hurt for him but he also frustrated me to no end. His selfishness, his single-minded viewpoint on things and the way he treats Aysel at times had me so irritated, and yet that frustration was part of the magic of his character development. His behavior, reactions, choices are beautifully realistic. Even when I was irritated with him I knew that anything different would be a disservice to the character and the story being told.

As much as I appreciated the character development, I couldn't quite connect with either of them, and I was not a fan of the romance that developed. The story takes place over the span of a month, with Roman entering Aysel's life and changing everything. I absolutely loved their friendship and how the author used it to show the ways that simple human connection with someone who gets it and doesn't judge can change a person's entire perspective, but I thought the romance and I love you's happened way to quickly and didn't jive with the character's personalities.

Another of the issues that I struggled with was how little Aysel's mom was involved. It's pretty obvious that Aysel has some problems & is exhibiting classic signs of depression, but rather than show concern and address the issue her mother just ignores her and that really just bothered me.

Overall though this was a quick and mostly enjoyable read that I would recommend.

I have had issues with other books that were very similar to this one, so I was worried that this one would also be a disappointment to me. What I wasn't expecting was to fall in love with Aysel and Roman so completely. Flawed characters are my jam and these two are so flawed, yet so human, it was easy to fall in love with them.

I actually liked Roman a lot, maybe even more than I liked Aysel. Roman had his own guilt to deal with. He blames himself for the death of his younger sister, even though his parents don't blame him, and in fact they love him fiercely. I was angry with him that he wanted to commit suicide when he had two loving parents who had already been through the hell of losing their youngest. I understood his thought process, but I was still angry with him.

Now Aysel has her own demons. Her father committed an unspeakable act in their small town. Now he's locked away and she has pushed everyone away and no one will even look at her. Not even her own mother. I felt horrible for Aysel because what she really needed was a mom who could tell something wasn't right and who would reassure her that she was not like her father. Being like her father was Aysel's biggest fear, and I totally understood that feeling. I just wished she had someone to talk to about it.

They become suicide partners thanks to a website, and over the next few weeks they plan how they are going to do it. Where they will do it becomes most important because Roman has a specific, non-negotiable date in mind. April 7th is to be the day they do it.

But what neither of them expects is the thing that happens. They slowly begin to fall for each other as they spend more and more time together. He lets her in emotionally a lot sooner than she lets him in emotionally, but eventually, she too allows him in. This book that starts out feeling like "just another suicide book" turns into something beautiful and full of hope.

I wasn't expecting to have the feels at all in the book, but then they kinda came out of nowhere and before I knew it I was sobbing into my Kindle. This book was a beautiful book with interesting characters that I cared deeply about, and that was missing from the two previous "suicide books" that I had read.

This book surprised me in the best possible way and I think everyone needs to read this book. I didn't expect to love this book as much as I did, but I'm thrilled I read it and I want everyone else to read this gorgeous book. 5 stars to this book and I cannot wait to see what's next for this author.

So for my bookclub we decided to read My Heart and Other Black Holes.

It was a different book for me and I loved it!

Blurb
Sixteen-year-old physics nerd Aysel is obsessed with plotting her own death. With a mother who can barely look at her without wincing, classmates who whisper behind her back, and a father whose violent crime rocked her small town, Aysel is ready to turn her potential energy into nothingness.

There’s only one problem: she’s not sure she has the courage to do it alone. But once she discovers a website with a section called Suicide Partners, Aysel’s convinced she’s found her solution: a teen boy with the username FrozenRobot (aka Roman) who’s haunted by a family tragedy is looking for a partner.

Even though Aysel and Roman have nothing in common, they slowly start to fill in each other’s broken lives. But as their suicide pact becomes more concrete, Aysel begins to question whether she really wants to go through with it. Ultimately, she must choose between wanting to die or trying to convince Roman to live so they can discover the potential of their energy together. Except that Roman may not be so easy to convince.

From the beginning of this book I was prepared for heartache! Its an emotional rollercoaster following Aysel's thoughts & actions. She thinks just because her father committed an awful crime that she would end up like that one day..thats the reason she wants to die. When she meets Roman, I was hoping for thinks to change .. I was hoping he would change her mind..I wasn't expecting for Aysel to be the one begging him to stay!

I wanted them to get together since the day at the zoo.. I just thought they were perfect for each other. Reading this book..I wasn't prepared for any romance..so when something happened I was super excited! I'm pretty sure I squealed with happiness.

So many awesome quotes in this book. Here's a few of my favorites

“You're like a grey sky. You're beautiful, even though you don't want to be.”

“Maybe we all have darkness inside of us and some of us are better at dealing with it than others.”

“It’s funny how once you like someone, even the unattractive things they do somehow become endearing.”

My Heart and Other Black Holes is a great read! I couldn't put it down! I needed to know what was going to happen! I'm glad we chose this book to read!

Aysel wants to die. Her father did something terrible in a fit of rage and she's worried that the same darkness is hiding within her, so she wants to take her own life before she can follow into his footsteps. But she's afraid of doing it by herself, worried that she will chicken out at the last moment and only make matters worse. So she visits Smooth Passages, a website for like-minded people, in the hopes that someone will post a message looking for a suicide partner not too far from where she lives. And that's how she meets Roman.

When she first sees Roman, Aysel thinks that he is an all-star popular kid in high school, someone who has everything going for him. But when he shares why he wants to die, Aysel realises he is just as broken as she is. The two quickly connect, not only over their mutual wish to die but also because they share a similar feeling of confusion, anger and loneliness. They start to feel closer to a person their own age than they ever have before and doubts start to seep in; can they truly go ahead with the plans for themselves if it means the other person, someone they now care about, will die as well?

My Heart and Other Black Holes was equal measures terrifying and beautiful. Terrifying, because the age of the internet has made it so much easier for young, impressionable and confused teenagers to find like-minded people to push them over the edge and even help them take their own life. Yet the story was also beautiful because it showed that even in the darkest moments of depression an unexpected light can surface. A light which cannot make everything better like magic but can show a path out; giving hope that the suffocating feeling will if, perhaps, not disappear at least become bearable.

This is an incredibly well-written novel, which is must be to be able to tackle the subject matter, and with such aching realism and sensitivity at that. I instantly deeply cared for Aysel and Roman, which made the countdown until the day they would take their lives together even more poignant. I was completely gripped by the stories of their individual struggles and their unfathomable desire to die as a solution to their continuous pain. It was heart-breaking to read, but for someone who has never been in that position it also provided a meaningful insight into how difficult it can be to crawl out of the feeling of utter desperation.

My Heart and Other Black Holes paints a brutal picture of depression in young people and shows how, when going unnoticed and untreated, this mental illness can literally kill its victims. Yet, while the story was undoubtedly harrowing, and was filled with plenty of devastating moments that will grip the reader in its clutches, it was an at times surprisingly uplifting and beautiful one too - and definitely worth exploring.

I waited a long time to read it to read My Heart and Other Black Holes. I was a little intimidated by it because it looked like an emotionally exhausting read. And I was right! It was a wonderful book that also happened to hurt my heart a bit. My emotions bubbled to the surface and there was no way I could hold back the tears. I really liked how this book was able to do that.

I liked how depression was handled. You can't fix the person yourself, but you can help the person see things differently. A connection can go a long way. In the author's note, she explains that this book is about the power of human connection and the people that truly understand you. She did a really good job of building the story around that and making it one that the readers can connect to. It has the ability to touch your heart and feel with the characters.

I actually don't have much to say on the characters, the plot, or the development, I focused most of my attention on the emotions and the connection between the two characters. I did wish, though, that issues with the half-sister were resolved more. She kinda . . . disappeared from the book after a scene she was a big part of. This felt like a loose thread.

Overall, My Heart and Other Black Holes was a well written, emotional read. I loved the physics aspect. It made the book unique and even more deep and meaningful. It made me connect to the characters even more, which just allowed me to have a stronger reaction. This story is worth reading if you like an emotional contemporary!

*I received a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

18336965

the store / Goodreads

Sixteen-year-old physics nerd Aysel is obsessed with plotting her own death. With a mother who can barely look at her without wincing, classmates who whisper behind her back, and a father whose violent crime rocked her small town, Aysel is ready to turn her potential energy into nothingness.

There’s only one problem: she’s not sure she has the courage to do it alone. But once she discovers a website with a section called Suicide Partners, Aysel’s convinced she’s found her solution: a teen boy with the username FrozenRobot (aka Roman) who’s haunted by a family tragedy is looking for a partner.

Even though Aysel and Roman have nothing in common, they slowly start to fill in each other’s broken lives. But as their suicide pact becomes more concrete, Aysel begins to question whether she really wants to go through with it. Ultimately, she must choose between wanting to die or trying to convince Roman to live so they can discover the potential of their energy together. Except that Roman may not be so easy to convince.

The premise was truly interesting. Two people that form a connection after meeting up and deciding to be Suicide Partners. You don't get they every day.
It was interesting how it was executed. We have these two teenagers who both hate themselves and want to die coming together and meeting in real life after agreeing to die together. (Are there places for Suicide Partners? Not that I'm suicidal. It's just curiosity.) They slowly and steadily form a bond. Even if Roman doesn't want it. (And even if the black slug within Aysel denies her simple pleasures.) This story was good for giving you precisely what it offered. We were offered a story about Aysel the daughter of a murderer and FrozenRobot aka Roman. Both depressed. Both have self-loathing. That combination makes them suicidal. (I'm not implying all suicidal people are depressed.)
The premise is well-executed. I'm given what I wanted.

I liked how Aysel ended up accepting her father and her past. She had to, of course, to accept herself. She had to accept her father. She had to realize that what happened with your parents or grandparents doesn't affect you. There is correlation between being the son or daughter of someone with mental health issues and having said mental health issues yourself. But that does not mean you are forced to be that person. You aren't. She seemed like a perfectly nice girl. Smart and funny. Even though she was depressed, she did make some amazing jokes. Which is good. Even if it was just with Roman. She at least made jokes.
I also...wanted to see her father. Or read her seeing her father. She had this love-hate relationship with him. And she didn't ever get a goodbye. Or anything. She was left out in the open. Out in the cold. She didn't get anything from him. She didn't get a chance to talk. They were separated. And that's that. I wanted to see how she would react to her father. What she would say. And do. I know that telling her mother she's 'sad' is one thing. But telling her father she loves him? And seeing him? I was patiently waiting for this reunion. And it didn't happen. This is a minor letdown. But I can ignore it for the most part.

Roman was an interesting character. He did seen quite fine. But 'seem' isn't 'is'. Many people seem fine when you know they aren't. He had a good backstory. I didn't like the blame he forced on himself. But it was a good motivator to hate himself. Or...Before Roman at least.
He's quite kind actually. He cares for people. I know that's odd to say about someone who intends to kill himself. But...Roman knew about Aysel's father. Never said a word. He kept it all hush hush. He didn't try to be someone else around her. He wasn't scared of her. He was just Roman. We need more accepting people like Roman.
I'm still confused about his username. FrozenRobot? I would have thought CaptianNemo or something Jules Verne-ish.

The relationship isn't bad. I don't typically like them. Them being relationships. I guess I'm becoming a mush. But the way Aysel falls for Roman...I guess it just pulls at my heartstrings. She slowly falls for him. It's not rushed. It's not quick. It's a slow falling. And she's trying to avoid it. I know I'm getting mushy. But this isn't a bad relationship. I wish they had built more. But being Suicide Partners doesn't give you so much wiggle room in the crush department. I do have a problem, though.
Why him? What's so great about Roman? I know he's a chill dude. But...why? Seriously. Explain. Is it his acceptance of her past?

The ending wasn't the best. It was rushed at the end. It seemed to push past the buildup it had. And Roman seemed to just...give in to Aysel. For someone so determined to kill himself, he sure did seen quick to become slightly better. I expected more resistance. Or something. I dunno.
It also felt like the suicide attempt was a curveball just thrown at us. I know Aysel's a flake. And I know Roman probably saw that. But still. I feel like that was such an unexpected yet expected event... I'm not sure exactly what to think. Just that I don't like it. At all.

And Aysel was supposed to be a physics nerd. She didn't seem too nerdy to me. She didn't mention physics too much. I wanted more. Some equations? Some spiel? I don't know. We only get some physics. Well. I wanted much much more. Maybe her calculations? Or her thought process? I don't know. There was a promise of a physics nerd. We got less nerd and physics than I expected. That was a disappointment. It was promised in the premise after all.

I know this book dealt with heavy issues. Suicide is a rising pandemic, consider it that way. It's serious. A major killer. But I felt like this book wasn't the best at showing the emptiness and pain. I feel like it could have been better.

Weather:
Cloudy with a 10% chance of rain
3/5

Aysel is planning her suicide. She has made up her mind. No one can change it. There's only one problem. She's not sure she can do it by herself.

That's where Roman comes in. One click of the mouse and they are now suicide buddies.

Two completely different people who have a darkness inside of them so strong and so powerful that they see no way to get rid of it save for ending their lives.

Aysel keeps the reason for her upcoming death close to her chest, she's not an open person and even when Roman shares why he's chosen this path she still keeps her secrets locked up.

Roman's reason is simple. He blames himself for the death of his little sister. Why should he continue to live when she had her life stolen away from her?

The closer the day they've chosen to die comes the more Aysel second guesses her choice. But can she really back out on Roman? Can she really let him die without her? Or will she be able to save both of their lives?

This is my THIRD suicide book of the month... I can't even tell you how happy I am to be able to finish this book and move on to a light, fluffy, romance book.

Now... I think I'm the only person who didn't like this book...

*Ducks and runs away in a zig-zag motion*

It wasn't bad but it just wasn't my favorite.

The writing was nice and I did like the dry humor that Warga has, Aysel and Roman were good characters and I did feel for both of them but I just didn't feel any connection to them. Even towards the ending I made myself put it down with only a few chapters left because I had read reviews that everyone cried during the last part and I was at work. Well once I got home I finished it and realized I could have read it anywhere without risk of hysterical sobs taking over my body.

I'm not really sure what else to say. I feel like when I love a book I could go on for ages talking about it and the same when I hate a book but when I feel... Indifferent I'm not really sure how to describe it.

It was okay, not my favorite, didn't love it, didn't hate it.

Until next time,
Ginger

In compliance with FTC guidelines I am disclosing that this book was given to me for free to review.
My review is my honest opinion.

"Nothing about this is going to be easy."

When it comes to books about suicide and depression, 2015 has started off with a couple of them. All the Bright Places, I Was Here, The Last Time We Say Goodbye, and now, My Heart and Other Black Holes.

What this book brings to the table, however, is a different way to commit suicide: using suicide partners. Seeing Aysel and Roman forming a connection over deciding to die together was definitely very different to what I was used to reading.

I will be honest and let you know right now: this book? It’s depressing. I was bummed out for the first 30-40% because everything was just so sad. I could literally feel Aysel’s depression as strongly as if it were my own. Her “black slug”, as she refers to it, is a constant presence, and I felt as if it were sucking up my happiness as I kept on reading.

It was very impacting seeing how Aysel and Roman planned their impending suicide; the knowing that a special project was due for a date after the mutual suicide, the fact that they were slowly saying goodbye to family members and friends without being so obvious about it… It was damn heartbreaking. It makes a reader think “could I be able to see the signs if someone close to me was considering suicide?”.

This book is beautifully written. It’s easy to follow, and Aysel’s voice, even while being completely messed up and cynical, is compelling to say the least. I like how physics and classical music were integrated into the novel; it made it all the more interesting.

I thought this would have been predictable YA mental illness disorder book, but I’m glad to have been wrong. I loved being surprised!

My only complaint is that I wish I could have read from Roman’s POV as well. I don’t feel like we get to know him all that much through Aysel’s description.

Overall I really recommend this book; it brought something different to an seemingly saturated genre about suicide. It was brilliantly written and Aysel and Roman are characters that'll stick with you even after finishing reading.

A review copy was provided by the publisher via Edelweiss in exchange for an honest review

When I first read this book I read it over Thanksgiving break. During this time I was already thinking about all the things I was most thankful for. Reading this intensified those feelings. It made everything I was thankful for seem about 50x's more important to me. I'm so thankful for the family and friends (both bookish and non) that I have in my life. Because I've realized that having even only one person in your life to show you that you matter can make all the difference.
"Depression is like a heaviness that you can't ever escape. It crushes down on you, making even the smallest things like trying your shoes or chewing on toast seem like a twenty mile hike uphill. Depression is a part of you; it's in your blood. If I know anything about it, this is what I know. It's impossible to escape..'"
pg. 14 (ARC)
Aysel wants to die and she's spent the majority of her life planning out the ways she wants to do it. She's not brave enough to go at it alone, so she enlists the help of a website that specializes in suicides. She goes through a part in the website called "Suicide Partners" and enlists the help of a teen boy named Roman. Together they plan their lives until the end.
"Before my father's crime, my mother used to look at me with a combination of love and longing, like I was a morror into her past life, a biittersweet memory. [...] It was almost like I was her permanent bruise. Not a painful brusie, but a tender one made of melancholy memories.'"
pg. 20 (ARC)
What hooked me about this book is the writing style. I'm absolutely shocked that this was a debut. There were so many passages that I wrote down or tabbed to remember for later. Warga did an incredible job depicting Asyel and Roman's sadness; she made it feel so real. When the emotions in a book make me feel like the events are really happening, like I feel really heartbroken, that's how I know I've fallen for the book.
"Maybe the sadness come just before the insanity.'"
pg. 27 (ARC)
Which is also another reason I loved this one. Her characters were SO believable and realistic. And her descriptions of depression made me connect with them even more. I know someone who battles with depression and Aysel reminded me so much of them. The same actions, thoughts, everything. Because of this I wanted to reach through the book and try to save her by myself. I really felt like I knew her, or at the very least understood.
"What people don't understand is that depression isn't about the outside, it's about the inside. Something inside me is wrong. Sure, there are things in my life that make me feel alone, but nothing makes me feel more isolated and terrified than my own voice in my head.'"
pg. 40
Lastly, I was so thankful for their friendship. Regardless of the circumstances, I was so happy they found each other. Because making one friend to someone who feels so lost and alone could mean the world. Them finding each other helped me see a change in one of them and I was glad for even that one small change even if it was insignificant. At least they could have something to do together and neither had to be alone.
"...I'm more scared of what comes next. [...] What if this isn't the end and we just go on to a place even worse than this one? [...] Any place has to be better than this one.'"
pg. 99 (ARC)
As real as the emotions and characters were though, I didn't find myself crying until the very end. The ending of the book and the author's note had me in tears. Like "I'm glad this is the end because I'm crying so my eyesight is blurred" tears. But even still, this book was so good. I encourage everyone to read it. It will make you think about what matters the most to you and why it's so important to keep those things surrounding you all the time.

You can read this review and more on my blog, Caught Read Handed.

I’m sitting here trying to start a review on a book that made me cry, made me smile, made me hurt, and that I loved with all of my black hole of a heart. I’m not sure if I can do it. Alright, take a few breaths, Stefani. Here we go.

This book is beautiful, you guys. It deserves to be read, whether you are suffering from depression or not. I wholeheartedly believe that everyone can find something to relate to in My Heart & Other Black Holes. I really cared about these characters because they were me. I’m so glad that this book is out there, because it tells you that you aren’t alone. It tells you there’s hope and this doesn’t have to be the end. It’s something that is important and needs to be talked about.

The characters were real because of their feelings. You can feel Roman’s grief. Aysel’s depression was tangible and real. I loved this book, but I also hated how much I could understand both of them so well. Warga’s description of depression was spot on and I relished in it. This book felt so real, you guys. “Depression is like a heaviness (ARC 14)” and sometimes “It’s like your sadness is so deep and overwhelming that you’re worried it will drown everyone else in your life if you let them get too close to it (ARC 183).” Aysel thinks “He gets it” after Roman says that last part – I thought “Jasmine gets it” when I read that.

But I didn’t just love this book for the sad parts. I’m not giving anything away, but the ending was so realistic, and I really appreciated that. I’m just happy I got to spend time with these two characters, because I loved their journey together. I’ll end this review with my favorite quote:

“I will be stronger than my sadness” (ARC 266).

The bottom line: My Heart & Other Black Holes is a beautiful, honest, heartbreaking, real, and sad book. It deserves to be read – not only by anyone that has suffered any kind of mental illness, but by everyone.

If there is one thing that I can highlight as a takeaway from My Heart and Other Black Holes, it is the way that this story endeavors to encourage readers to believe that there is a way out of the “black holes” in their own lives. Many of us, in varying degrees, have felt beaten down, burned, oppressed by the circumstances that we face daily, and Aysel’s story is a reflection of that part of human experience. As a person who constantly strives to remain positive + hopeful in the face of anything negative, this story resonated with me on a very personal level.

There are certainly great moments in My Heart and Other Black Holes, and most often they are the simplest of interactions – a touch, a line, a thought – between Aysel and Roman. Warga crafted two characters with different backgrounds, brought together solely by the sorrow that encourages them to commit to ending their lives. While at first I was hesitant about getting to know these two, it’s undeniable that there is something in both that feels so familiar. They are regular people, filled to the brim with all sorts of emotions; their different backgrounds set them apart from us, but their emotions, their pain, their joy – those things are very universally experienced.

Overall, I feel positive about My Heart and Other Black Holes. It’s got a great underlying message, but doesn’t cross the line that would have made it a preachy novel (though I do think it does toe the line of cliché). It’s not necessarily a novel that I can see myself revisiting in the future. But it certainly was worth a read, if only for the way it left me feeling optimistic at its end.

[...]

Favorite Character

Aysel. Her dark humor and passion for physics is very … energetic (insert groan).

Favorite Line

“Depression is like a heaviness that you can’t ever escape. It crushes down on you, making even the smallest things like tying your shoes or chewing on toast seem like a twenty-mile hike uphill. Depression is a part of you; it’s in your bones and your blood.”

Aysel’s many descriptions of depression are beautiful and sad.

Fun Author Fact

Jasmine Warga recently spoke at the Nova Teen Book Festival in Arlington, VA. Jess was lucky enough to hear her inspiring talk!

Read these next:

This Side of Home by Renee Watson. This is not a book about depression, but is another beautifully written piece about something you may be less familiar with: gentrification.

Is this worth a book hangover?

100% Don’t walk – RUN to your nearest bookstore and buy this beautiful piece of literature.

My Heart and Other Black Holes by Jasmine Warga was one of those books that I wanted to read the instant I heard about. It just sounded like something I’d love. Maybe that combined with great early reviews made my expectations too high, because I just didn’t love the book the way I wanted to.

I really have some readers guilt with this one. I seem to be the only person that didn’t think it was absolutely incredible. I think my biggest issue is that I never really felt a big connection to Aysel and Roman. I didn’t dislike them…I just didn’t have a lot of feelings for them. Roman’s story was heartbreaking, but I feel like Aysel’s life wasn’t really as bad as she thought. I know her eyes were clouded with depression, but it was frustrating to me that she didn’t see these things right in front of her. Maybe I have trouble with books where the main characters are contemplating suicide. I have in the past, so maybe it’s an issue for me and not really the book’s fault.

Despite all that I still found My Heart and Other Black Holes to be a compelling read. I had to know how Aysel and Roman’s lives turned out (or didn’t). That kept me turning pages. It’s also a pretty fast read.

So, while it wasn’t my favorite book, it was an interesting one. I’ll certainly read future books my Jasmine Warga.

Three years ago, Aysel’s father committed a horrific crime, and Aysel is still feeling the after affects: her family doesn’t seem to want anything to do with her, while her classmates talk about her behind her back. Aysel is depressed, and lately she’s been thinking that the only way out is to die. But she’s not sure she can do it alone, so when she comes across the idea of getting a Suicide Partner from a website, the solution seems obvious. And then she meets Roman, a boy nearby who is looking for a partner. But as the two begin to make more definite plans, Aysel starts having second thoughts. Maybe she’s not ready to die just yet. But can she convince Roman to want to live too?

Jasmine Warga’s debut novel "My Heart & Other Black Holes" is, simply put, one of the most spectacular stories I have read in a long time. Aysel and Roman are both very broken individuals, and watching them struggle together is both painful and beautiful. Discussing such severe depression can be taboo in our society, but Warga tackles the topic with a story that is real and with characters that readers can identify with on some level. You’ll have a hard time putting this one down.

Originally written for San Francisco Book Review.

This review was originally posted on my book blog: http://seamlessreader.blogspot.com/2015/06/book-review-distance-between-us-by.html

I've always had a keen interest in books, especially YA, that center on the topic of mental illness. It's a topic that hits real close to home and I find it very interesting to see how authors portray the subject. It's something that I think should be talked about and discussed more often. Not only could it really help those suffering from it, it might also help those who know someone who's going through it understand the situation a lot better. Jasmine Warga dealt with this sensitive topic in what I found was one of the most truthful and honest portrayals.

Both of the main characters in this book felt relatable. Not only that, they were also believable. I found myself powering through this book and when I got near towards the end I realized that I became very much attached to them. I really liked Aysel and reading from her pov. I liked how she was honest with the things she was feeling. I also really liked Roman too although a little bit less than I did Aysel. Regardless, I found both of them to be really strong characters.

I will say that prior to reading the book I was a bit uneasy about the plot since it is about these two characters that meet on a website to become suicide partners. I was afraid of how the story would unfold since the circumstances do seem pretty extreme, but in the end I was not disappointed. It was. Very well-written book and I loved every single bit.

Another thing I want to add, is how this book doesn't just focus on depression. It brings a lot more to the table. For example: family. Family was a huge topic in this book and I loved how it was included. After all, it's no secret that YA books tend to neglect the topic altogether. Jasmine Warga showed how important and crucial it is for people who are in this state of mind to have support from their family. To have someone that cares about them and only wants to see them get better.

Overall, I would recommend this book to people who would like a more insightful view of what depression is like and how it affects people who suffer from it and those around them. It's clearly not a light-hearted read, but it is eye-opening and I think more people should give it a try. It definitely made its way to my favorites list!

Not a bad book but to be honest a predictable one that reminded me an awful lot of the drama-filled efforts of a college-level creative writing student. There was a certain originality in this novel's setting, in the ethnicity of its main character, and a freshness in updating the means by which the intentionally moribund located one another ( a website), but all in all there's not much in this book that hasn't been said and done many times before. I did get a chuckle out of Ms. Warga's description of the "Bluegrass" Kentucky accent as being like that of Colonel Sanders, and if My Heart and other Black Holes had contained a few more bits of humor, black or otherwise, there would have been more to recommend it. Also I suspect part of the reason I was not more impressed by this novel relates to the fact that I am a bit beyond its target age-range, and therefore have encountered this sort of subject matter in the past. Among the young adults Jasmine Warga aims for, I'm sure that won't be the case, and they'll probably respond more positively to its freshness, and that's as it should be. (Not a put-down, just saying...) Not a bad book at all, just not one I feel brought a lot to my overall reading experience.

I mainly picked up this debut contemporary because of the cover, which is how I pick the majority of books (besides by author). And I cannot begin to tell you how utterly heart-breaking and beautifully written this novel was. This is the a first novel for Warga, and it was an amazing one, I will be picking up any other novels that she writes in the future.

I was not sure that I wanted to read this novel because of the topic, suicide, I knew that it would make me sad and the last book I read about that topic ended up crushing my heart. I did end up in tears, mainly because I fell in love with the two main characters, Aysel and Roman and hated the fact that they were suffering from depression.

Writing about depression or other mental diseases is a tricky thing because it hard not to make it seem over the top or even miss the mark completely. I have experience with parts of depression, and this author describes it so well, as the "black slug" that won't let Aysel have any happiness. It broke my heart, but it also opened my eyes to what people may be going through will depression.

I recommend reading this novel if you can handle the subject matter because she is a beautiful writer.

From the start, I hoped that this story would not have a sad, teary ending. Suicide.. the topic of this novel. This topic made this novel very hard to read at moments. It is a topic often misunderstood and not often talked about. We meet Aysel, who feels so out of place in a world where her father is a murderer. Making her feel like an outsider with a possible dark side that she has yet to know of.
She finds a website where she finds a partner.. That is a suicide partner. This is when we meet Roman, a handsome former athlete who blames himself for the death of his younger sister.
Although they have nothing in common, they have the same goal.. To die together.
I enjoyed reading the way the characters evolved.. through tough moments, and most importantly through one another.. *Spoiler Alert* They found a reason to live.. Such a wonderful read, from start to finish. It reminds us to be kind, because we never know what type of war a person is battling within themselves. ♥EG

It’s bittersweet. I was anxious to read this novel as this title has been posted everywhere and I have been good and haven’t read any postings as I didn’t want to spoil my read. To make a suicide pact, this seemed like a bizarre concept and then to stretch that idea further and commit that act with a total stranger, I couldn’t understand why someone would want to take that additional step? It seemed that Roman has reasons for choosing to end his life and he has everything mapped out except who his partner will be. To advertise yourself on a website, along with other desperate individuals, everyone there reaching out to each other, everyone looking for a friend, someone to carrying them forward, it just seemed so sad. We meet Aysel who I thought was an interesting individual. She is carrying around some baggage and she’s suffering. As she wanders around the website, Smooth Passages she’s looking for partner and she finds Roman. As they connect, suicide is not the only thing the two of them share. I enjoyed the book and the subject matter but I just didn’t enjoy it as much as I had hoped. It just didn’t have the vigor, I was looking for and I thought it could carry.

“He’s no the longer the person I want to die with; he’s the person I want to be alive with.”

This is a very quick read and I read it in only one sitting. I was never bored, but I was also not blown away by anything either. It is a very emotional read though, and I really enjoyed it.

There was a lot of build up around what Aysel’s father did and why he was in jail. I was expecting so much more around this than what it was. I also wanted more out of the ending.

Overall, this was pretty good.

My Heart and Other Black Holes brilliantly portrays young adult life through Jasmine's wonderful, and wonderfully accessible, literary voice. Aysel emerges through this novel as a spirited, desperate, probing person--a fully formed character if there ever was one. Jasmine takes up depression not as a trope but as a hauntingly real experience, an experience with many layers and many shades. Aysel speaks with true depth about her troubles, and these troubles will absolutely resonate with any audience. In the end, what a reader is left with is a desire for more--more books like this one, more work by Jasmine Warga, and more pieces that seek to interrogate important issues with care and empathy.

My Heart and other Black Holes is written by Jasmine Warga. (2015). This book is about two teens contemplating taking their own lives but figure out that it is harder than expected.
A sixteen year old girl named Aysel is planning out her own death. She has had a hard time because she is looked at differently because of her dad's actions. Also Aysel is not sure if she will be able to go through with it, so she seeks out a partner. Aysel finds Roman a once popular jock with an unforgiving conscience. Aysel starts to regret her decision and tries to decide whether to go through with it or to convince her friend roman to live.
Jasmine Warga is an incredible author, however My Heart and Other Black Holes and her second book Here We are Now, are completely different works of literature her first book is about death a suicide but her second book is about a family and someone's legacy and the way that they love. Which in my opinion is peculiar because I would think Authors literature would correspond together.
I did enjoy this book, it was really deep and made you think about everyday life; how you should never judge someone because you have no idea what they are going through. Be a friend to everyone it doesn't matter is they are different from you show love to everyone. Aysel says in the book “After what happened with my dad, I lost all my friends. Some of them distanced themselves immediately, but some of them I pushed away. It was too scary to let anyone be close to me.” If Aysel just had a friend that she could have talked to about all of this with then she would have never had to be in this hard place in life, or even think about ending her own life.

Book #11 Read in 2017
My Heart and Other Black Holes by Jasmine Warga

Aysel is a depressed teenager who feels as if she would be better off committing suicide. She surfs a suicide website and pairs up with FrozenRobot (a teenage boy named Roman) who is looking for someone to commit suicide with him. The two meet and plan when and how they will do it. But as that date gets closer Aysel feels as if she is not ready to give up living. Will she be able to get Roman to feel the same in time? This was a powerful read which both high school and adult readers would love. It is raw and realistic and has an important message.

An amazingly fast read. I picked this up in the late afternoon and finished it in the evening. I wasn't sure I wanted to read another book about suicide because it seems to be the thing to write about right now in YA but I felt this story gave a different enough take that I actually got something out of it versus I Was Here by Gayle Forman which left me a bit confused. My Heart and Other Black Holes tells the story of Aysel and Roman, two teenagers who meet online at a site for people who want to commit suicide. Each one has their own reason but are looking for a partner to do it with. I thought the story was told with compassion and understanding for each characters pain and I liked seeing Aysel and Roman spending time getting to know each other in the days leading up. This is Jasmine Warga's first book but I look forward to her writing more because it's the writing in a not-long book that quickly pulled me along in this touching story.

A depressed teen, Aysel (pronounced like gazelle), enters into a suicide pact with a boy, Roman, who's wracked with his own grief and guilt. As Aysel gets to know Roman and finds herself opening up to him, she discovers that she wants to live. The concept might sound dark and sad—and it is. But this book is also profoundly hopeful. Aysel's journey is heartbreaking and difficult, and yet it also manages to be uplifting without minimizing the serious issue of depression. Part of what keeps the book from feeling unrelentingly bleak, especially at the beginning, is Aysel's wonderful voice. She's funny and snarky, and she peppers her narration with references to physics, her favorite subject. As she finds herself falling for Roman, there's a sweet vulnerability, as well. A wonderful read.

This book is about Aysel, a teen who has become obsessed with death and plotting out what will eventually be her own suicide after the actions of her father have crumbled her world. So when she visits Smooth Passages, a pro-suicide website, and finds someone who could be a possible suicide partner, she jumps at the chance to meet him when she finds out that he lives in the next town over.

The theme of this book is really about the depression that can be all-consuming and that often leads to suicide. For so long, suicide has been something that's been avoided and has recently got lots of great attention and awareness and prevention help in the community. But something that people are still avoiding talking about is depression and (in Aysel's case) the "black slug" that lives inside of you and can just consume you.

I think this was tastefully and beautifully written and portrayed and I highly recommend this book as a book that more people should read. It's messages that change is possible and that you have to talk to other people and be around other people to get better are wonderfully positive and I don't think that it's in a preachy or pretentious way.

This book addresses some pretty heavy issues. I'm always a little apprehensive going into a book that deals with something as serious as depression and suicide because it's so difficult to deal with them well. I was especially worried with the blurb on this one - I was afraid that she'd fall in love with with guy and her depression would be magically lifted. But I think this book handled the issue well and I didn't get the feeling that Roman "cured" Aysel - he just unintentionally helped her to see herself in a different way. That being said, I've never been depressed or seriously considered suicide, so the author's depiction may not be realistic. But it felt realistic to me.

However, this book got 3 stars instead of 4 because it just didn't make me feel as many emotions as a book about suicide should. I'm a book emotional person (I don't feel emotions about real people or events, but I cry about fictional characters way too much!), so I feel like I should have at least teared up while reading a book about suicide, but no, nothing.

~I received a copy to review~

My Heart and Other Black Holes (2015) by Jasmine Warga. This book is about two very depressed teens trying to plan their suicide.
This book, My Heart and Other Black Holes, is very eye opening. It shows that depression is a real thing and it is happening around us all the time, even when we don’t realize it. In the story you have Aysel, the main character. She is afraid of becoming like her dad so she feels that it better if she kills herself. She meets a guy with the internet name “Frozen Robot” on a suicide website. This guy, also known as Roman, is trying to find someone that will commit suicide with him on April 7. A day that a very terrible thing happened to him. When reading this book it made me realize how crazy depression and suicide is and how just because the thought of suicide and depression do not go through my head how they could be going through other individuals heads around me. If you enjoy books that always keep you on your toes this is a good one. The author always leave you wondering how they are going to do it or what they are going to do. This book also leaves you breathless, sad and even scared at times!
I would recommend this book to anyone. Reading this book really opened my eyes on these two subjects and made me notice that it really is a problem!

I really, really, really wanted to love My Heart and Other Black Holes. Like, really. I just couldn’t. The story was not original and at times I felt bored. I think the reason is the fact that this book is extremely hyped and I had high expectations. When I finally got the chance to read it… it felt like other stories I’ve read.

My Heart and Other Black Holes is the story of Aysel. She wants to commit suicide. At times, she doesn’t think she will go through with this alone. She feels like she needs someone else. Someone that will understand her and commit this action with her. She stumble upon a site and finds a partner. An extremely cute boy. A boy named Roman. A boy that lost his sister. A boy that wants to die the same day he claims he killed his sister. As she gets to know him, Aysel falls in love him. Making it hard for her to commit suicide the date they chose. But Roman is determined to end his life.

The book is depressing, which I usually tend to like. I like dark stories and this one is well written. But having two people trying to help each other commit suicide is a bit… too much. I didn't even know there is such thing as support team - to support suicide. This is something new to me and it definitely broke my heart. Aysel start falling in love. She tries to save him and they start fighting. I didn’t like this. I was hoping they would both fall in love and help each other. In a way they did but it wasn't enough for Roman. My biggest issue with this book is the “secret” Aysel is keeping. Trust me, not a secret at all. And the book drags to keep this secret secretly. Which in reality, one can easily guess from the start.

Overall, I personally wouldn’t recommend this to my friends. They know I love sad books but this one wasn’t it for me. I know sometimes the books I read have the same issues but they are unique in their own ways. With My Heart and Other Black Holes, I cannot say this.

My Heart and Other Black Holes by Jasmine Warga is a book that I’ve been excited to read for a while, but constantly put off because I was convinced my fragile heart wouldn’t be able to handle it. For lack of a nicer way of putting it, I’ll say this: I was disappointed.

The novel begins with Aysel, a sixteen-year-old who suffers from depression as a result of her father’s actions. Wanting to die but scared to do it alone, she’s become obsessed with a website called Smooth Passages where users enlist the help of “suicide partners”. When she finds an ad posted by a user called FrozenRobot A.K.A. Roman who lives close to her middle-of-nowhere Kentucky town, she thinks she’s found the perfect match. However, things get complicated when she finds herself falling in love with the person she’s supposed to die with.

Of the things this novel does well, I most appreciated the metaphors Warga uses for depression. Throughout the novel, Aysel often refers to her depression as a “black slug” inside of her that eats up her emotions. As someone who has struggled with depression, I can concede that Warga’s interpretation is accurate and powerful. There is a deep understanding of what it’s like to be depressed beyond the laymen’s idea of you just feel sad. Aysel isn’t just a teen that suffers from being sad every now and then. Her illness has completely usurped her life, making it difficult for her to maintain relationships and even see the point in getting out of bed everyday. She only begins to feel purpose again when she believes death is within her grasp.

However, even though Warga handles what it’s like to suffer from depression well, she ultimately falls into the bad land of romanticizing suicide––quite literally. Through Roman and Aysel’s suicide pact, they find love. I almost wanted to gag when this part of the story came full-circle. I was prepared for romance, but I expected it to arrive in a package a bit more interesting than what the book delivered. What Warga ended up selling in My Heart and Other Black Holes was a story that says the best way to find purpose is by falling in love with someone more messed up than yourself and saving them.

Another issue I had was with the characterization. Although I loved the way Warga captured depression, her characters were too flat to deliver that insight poignantly. For the entire first half of the novel, Aysel is the typical YA outcast minus the Doc Martens. No one understands her and no one likes her, and every girl who isn’t her is a stereotypical preppy, vapid, popular girl (Georgia, Stacy Jenkins, Melanie Taylor, etc.). No other female character of Aysel’s age group is depicted in a positive light.

Speaking of, there’s even a loose end that Warga either forgot to tie up or blatantly didn’t want to: Georgia, Aysel’s half-sister. There are a couple scenes that suggest Georgia is trying to get through to Aysel, to befriend her, but Aysel doesn’t believe her sister’s attempts are genuine and shuts her down. Even Tyler, Aysel’s project partner (another loose end) says to her that Georgia is just trying to be her friend. By the end of the novel, the only relationship the protagonist has that matters is her romance with Roman. This leads me to believe that he’s the only reason Aysel has chosen to stay alive, which sends a dangerous message to those struggling with depression and further enforces the romanticizing that the novel sets up.

Overall, this novel had a great premise that it failed to sell. What could have been a fresh addition to the “depressed teen” category of YA fell flat because of a cliché protagonist, missed opportunities, and a questionable message. However, Warga still has her career ahead of her and I look forward to seeing where her writing takes her as she continues to improve and grow.

I'm sad to reach the ending, but only because I won't be able to share more moments with Aysel and Roman. I could relate a lot.. a lot.. to the characters. And maybe that's why some people left only 2 or 3 star reviews, they just don't get it. If you have ever struggled with any type of mental illness, especially depression, I hope that you can appreciate the honesty. I also love the subtle shift, it's not abrupt or unnatural, it's beautiful.. I can't wait to read her next books.

This book was pretty good overall. I think Aysel was a relatable character especially for any of us who have gone through or still continue to battle depression. What I dislike about this book is the "saved by love" approach. I definitely appreciate what Aysel and Roman gained from one another, I felt that this was a beautiful thing to read but this is not a reality for most. Many times people are left to battle depression in their own head and aren't saved by meeting a boy who makes them find a reason for living. The idea is nice of course, but this shouldn't be the underlying reason of why she decides to live in the end. Of course I'm glad she was able to meet someone that allowed her to see the beauty and worth in herself but I'm also a realist and I know that's not quite how it tends to works out in the real world. Besides that, great book.

My Heart and Other Black Holes was a very intriguing read. The main character, Aysel, is battling depression due to past happenings and contemplates suicide, but she's not sure she can do it alone. She looks at a suicide website and finds a partner to do it with. The tone of this story is sweet, even in its darker parts, generating the necessary empathy for the main characters. Suicide is a sensitive topic, and the author handled it responsibility (even with the suicide supporters website). The author did a nice job getting inside Aysel's head. It's not too over-dramatic or super emotional. This book is very well written. Reminds me of By the Time You Read This, I'll Be Dead by Julie Ann Peters.

This book is a bit of a trigger but also in the same sense it helps you understand that there is always hope, that things can get better. It shows that maybe others don’t view you like you view yourself. I would have given 5 stars but I felt like the end was kind of rushed and I would have loved to see what their future looked like.

This novel is both heartbreaking and hopeful. Jasmine Warga captures the weighted, dead-inside feeling of depression and, ultimately, the tiny fragments of hope that can help someone fight through the pain. Aysel’s transition from wanting to commit suicide to wanting to save both herself and Roman is slow and, therefore, realistic. Their relationship slowly reveals to her reasons to stay alive. That Roman does not follow suit is also realistic because he has his own demons to face and having people love you doesn’t make depression go away. This is an intimate, accurate depiction of depression, why some teens consider ending their lives, and what it takes to find hope again.

My Heart and Other Black Holes was a very intriguing read. The main character, Aysel, is battling depression due to past happenings and contemplates suicide, but she's not sure she can do it alone. She looks at a suicide website and finds a partner to do it with. The tone of this story is sweet, even in its darker parts, generating the necessary empathy for the main characters. Suicide is a sensitive topic, and the author handled it responsibility (even with the suicide supporters website). The author did a nice job getting inside Aysel's head. It's not too over-dramatic or super emotional. This book is very well written. Reminds me of By the Time You Read This, I'll Be Dead by Julie Ann Peters.

This book is a bit of a trigger but also in the same sense it helps you understand that there is always hope, that things can get better. It shows that maybe others don’t view you like you view yourself. I would have given 5 stars but I felt like the end was kind of rushed and I would have loved to see what their future looked like.

There is something equally beautiful and pensive about Jasmine Warga’s debut novel; it does not romanticize depression. Even with a turn not quite so unexpected, it feels natural. She gets it, this author.

I like that Aysel (pronounced like “gazelle,” as she told one of her classmates) can find humor, albeit twisted in times, amidst her black slug of sadness. It isn’t an instant connection, yes. I dig Aysel’s voice after a couple of chapters, but it took a while for her character to grow on me. But even that was organic. When I began caring for Aysel, I was all in. I wanted her to reconsider things. I wanted her to ditch the suicide plan. I wanted her to save Roman. I wanted her to be saved.

I wouldn’t deny that Roman is my favorite character though. He’s complicated and you see the layers in him. He’s not some enigmatic-equals-attractive dude. I actually sort of wish there were pov chapters from him or bonus ones or something. And I spent half of the book feeling queasy knowing these teens are planning their suicide. I also appreciate the inclusion of the parents of both characters. I prefer that there were more interactions but I understand, too, that when you’re a teenager (and forlorn, besides), adults are almost always a detached reality.

Ultimately, My Heart and Other Black Holes is about the walls a person—and depression—builds around her. That isolates the person and locks everyone out. It is about the unheard cries for help. I was deeply moved by a scene centering on the relationship between Aysel and her mother. That particular part, I think, shows really well the depth of Aysel’s character. But Warga, who divulges in the author’s note her personal encounter with depression, creates a heartening, realistic conclusion. I believe there’s a recent rise in YA books dealing with depression and suicide, and My Heart and Other Black Holes is one of those that tackle this thoughtfully and insightfully.

This novel is both heartbreaking and hopeful. Jasmine Warga captures the weighted, dead-inside feeling of depression and, ultimately, the tiny fragments of hope that can help someone fight through the pain. Aysel’s transition from wanting to commit suicide to wanting to save both herself and Roman is slow and, therefore, realistic. Their relationship slowly reveals to her reasons to stay alive. That Roman does not follow suit is also realistic because he has his own demons to face and having people love you doesn’t make depression go away. This is an intimate, accurate depiction of depression, why some teens consider ending their lives, and what it takes to find hope again.

This book, as you may have guessed or were probably already aware, is about teen suicide. To be more precise, it's about two teens who decide to make a suicide pact.

The author writes that this book helped her deal with the loss of a dear friend, and I am glad she was able to use her writing in such a cathartic way. I'm also glad that this book was accepted for publication, not only because the author is a gifted writer, but also because the subjects of depression and suicide hold so much stigma. We need more discussion of both issues in a way that treats them seriously. And this book does that.

I'm conflicted about the book, however. There are adequate descriptions of what depression feels like, and I'm sure this is helpful to many readers who are experiencing depression. But the author never really captures the bleakness of someone who is that close to suicide. The words are there, but the emotion (or lack thereof) really isn't.

Aysel's decision to stay alive (and this isn't a spoiler, it's in the book synopsis) comes at a very alarming rate. It troubles me that she decides life is finally worth living because of some boy. What does that say to suicidal readers? What if that boy never comes along? What if that boy comes along but then breaks up with you? There is very little sense that Aysel has decided that she herself is worth the effort to live. There is just suicidal Aysel and non-suicidal Aysel who is all ready to live her life (with maybe a few therapy sessions) as though nothing has happened. And darn it, she doesn't want to live life without Roman. What a troubling message for someone who is feeling suicidal because someone just broke up with them!

The bounce back from serious suicidal ideation just happens too quickly. What does that say to a depressed reader? It takes a long time to recover from depression that serious, and I would hate for someone to think that their situation is hopeless just because it's taking them longer to recover than it does for the characters in this book.

(Spoiler Alert in this paragraph) As far as Roman's story goes, we get a small sense of what he is going through, but again, there is more bounce back from his depression than one would expect after his suicide attempt. He seems much more lucid and in control of his thoughts than someone in his position would tend to be. The author does make a note at the end that true recovery does take a long time (and it does), but how many people read author's notes? That note would have been better placed at the front, where more people might see it.

Now, I'm not sure how much of this is the author, and how much of it is a publisher who doesn't want to have that much sadness in one book. (Because, yes, bookselling is a business, and you do have to take the target audience into account). But it's a narrow path you travel when you put something like this out there. I truly hope that readers who have depression or suicidal thoughts seek the help that is offered in the back of the book. No one's life story is the same. And the characters in this book are just that - fictional characters. Happy endings like the one in this book take time, and I would hope that no reader would expect recovery to happen so quickly.

THE REVIEW:

Pre-Read: I’d read a good amount of reviews about this book, and all of them were positive. In fact, one of those reviews (I don’t recall which, or I would link to their blog) got me to purchase the book right away. The cover is really adorable, and the storyline seemed like something I would love and relate to. This seemed like an emotion-packed read, and something I definitely wanted to own.

Characters: Aysel is where the issue really was for me. She’s sixteen, but her entire mentality is just really ignorant. I understand that having such a tragic experience in her family could bring about emotional stunting, but she was just written in a way that kind of annoyed me. I love that she is obsessed with physics, and uses physics metaphors to better explain how she views the world. However, she is written in a really flat way. I just couldn’t feel any emotional attachment to her at all. It was unnerving, considering she was the main character. I read of a similar issue in the review on NPR, so I am going to assume that it wasn’t just me. That being said, a lot of her descriptions of depression and guilt were spot-on and beautifully artistic.

“I bet if you cut open my stomach, the black slug of depression would slide out. Guidance counselors always love to say, “Just think positively,” but that’s impossible when you have this thing inside of you, strangling every ounce of happiness you can muster. My body is an efficient happy-thought-killing machine.”

Roman was a really strong character, and I felt far more emotional attachment to him than I did to Aysel. The grief and guilt that he harbors breaks my heart. He is so caring, and has incredible artistic talent. He wanted to make sure that everything was going to be taken care of – such as his pet turtle – after he was gone. He was very selfless, and didn’t care about himself as much as Aysel did. However, he emphasized why suicide is a selfish act, and I felt that was a really strong point for this book. He should have been the main character, in my opinion.

Overall: The romance that blossomed between them was beautifully done, and grew as a result of trust and a shared depression. The book is not as morbid as it sounds (I like morbid, though), and actually has quite a lot of snark and humor. It was fun to read it. There were parts that made me cry (like the ending), and parts that punched me in the gut (Roman’s story). There were parts that made me smile (her half-brother’s birthday), and parts that really annoyed me (her slacking off at work). Overall, though, it was a delightful read and definitely thought-provoking. You WILL cry, though!

THE VERDICT:

This book has an age – range of 14+, meaning it is very much a YA novel. Were this an adult fiction novel, the mindset and characterizations of Aysel would have been far more problematic for me, in terms of story enjoyment. I did, however, have a problem connecting with her as the main character. She felt really flat to me, though many other people loved her. So, I’m going to assume it was just my own reader’s perspective.

I would recommend this novel to anyone in that age range, especially someone who is dealing with depression. The ending is incredibly encouraging and promotes a sense of hope for the future. As a result, I give this a 4.5/5

Book Review by A. P. Bullard : http://www.triskelereviews.com/

Aysel and Roman have something in common, depression that is consuming their every breath and thought. They meet online on a suicide partners website, and make a pact to go through with it. What they learn about themselves, each other, and their sadness in the weeks leading up to the suicide has Aysel questioning everything. What will happen if she is changing?

Like another reviewer, I read this book in one sitting. My Heart and Other Black Holes is dark and uncomfortable and an extremely important addition to the YA shelf. It is very well written (especially for a debut novel!), and the dialogue and relationships are realistic and relate-able.
I wish this book had existed when I was in high school - the message is powerful: that when you're depressed, it's hard to see the potential in your life that is so obvious to others. A good read whether you want to better understand depression or whether you already understand it too well. I couldn't put it down.

This book is all at once heart-wrenching and life-affirming. Suicide is a tough topic to tackle in a novel, and the added tension of having two teens who are seeking support for that most personal act made for a very compelling and unique story.

Aysel is both snarky and smart in her way, yet also broken and pained. She’s messy and real and everything a YA protagonist should be. The way that she links physics to matters more of the heart is intriguing and works on so many levels. Roman is complex and difficult to like, yet you cannot help but feel for him and the enormous burden of guilt that he carries with him every day. Both teens experience depression in very different ways, yet seek the same solution to ending their pain. Their depiction is a wonderful way to show that depression manifests in different ways in different people, yet it’s still such a universal feeling.

This book is lovely and heartbreaking, yet still so hopeful. It was a book that I couldn’t put down once I started reading. I had so many emotions while reading this book, feeling so much for these characters. I highly recommend this novel.

I thoroughly enjoyed this book. It was definitely honest and I flew through it. I just wanted to know what happened in the end. I highly recommend it. But definitely a trigger warning for suicide and depression.

I came really close to DNFing this book at 96% on principle alone because I was fed one thing in the beginning of the novel, only to be force fed something entirely different by the end. My Heart and Other Black Holes had so much potential--a lot of novel accurately described what it feels like to be depressed. So I was expecting a novel about discovering yourself, overcoming depression and finding something to live for. I was excited for it because it's a topic that needs more awareness and understanding. And for about 60% of the book, I got just that, but somewhere along the way, My Heart and Other Black Holes got ridiculously lost and confused. What happened?

Be warned: Unhidden spoilers and very personal feelings ahead.

Aysel is battling depression in the aftermath of a public tragedy that befell her family. Her father murdered their small town's star athlete, and as a result Aysel carries a burden of guilt of the incident. There's also a part of her that wonders if she, too, will end up like her father. She suffers in silence, never allowing anyone in, even former friends that stood by her after the tragedy, convincing herself that it's for their benefit to not be associated with her. In fact, she's convinced her own mother and siblings would be better off without her, too, going as far to remind her younger sister that they are half-siblings whenever she can.

Her pain is real, and as someone who has suffered from depression and social isolation for the past 7 years and anxiety issues for longer than I can remember, I could relate to the "black slug" that she continues to reference throughout the novel. Depression is a hard thing to describe to someone who has never experienced it, and until I personally dealt with it, I can honestly say that I had no idea. Even to this day, I find it difficult to fully explain it to my husband who, bless his little heart, tries his very best to be as understanding as humanly possible. Fully understanding would involve him feeling this heavy thing and I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy, let alone him. But it's great that he listens and it's even better that he's there and has that want to understand. So as I was reading, I found little quotes that perfectly described feelings that I've felt and I read them out loud to him.

"Depression is like a heaviness that you can't ever escape. It crushes down on you, making even the smallest things like tying your shoes or chewing on toast seem like a twenty-mile hike uphill. Depression is a part of you; it's in your bones and your blood. If I know anything about it, this is what I know: It's impossible to escape."

Aysel's voice felt very true to her situation and worked well with a topic as heavy as this. It never felt like it needed more or less of that something for me to connect with what Aysel was saying because I completely understood where she was coming from. I've been there; I'm still there.

"What people never understand is that depression isn't about the outside; it's about the inside. Something inside me is wrong. Sure, there are things in my life that make me feel alone, but nothing makes me feel more isolated and terrified than my own voice in my head."

I also loved how Roman described how he felt about missing his little sister because it reminds me of how I feel when I think of my little brother.

"The hardest moments are when I miss her in the future."

After my brother passed away, for a long time, I had moments where it was like a part of my mind was still in denial. I'd see a commercial and absentmindedly think, "Oh man, wait till I tell Steve about this" and then remember that I couldn't do that and have a long cry. Sometimes I still do that and it hurts so much because life has gone on without him, I've gone on without him, and that feels wrong and unfair. So I completely related to Roman's grief of losing a sibling. And strangely, even though, this book made me remember certain feelings, it never depressed me. It was more like a bunch of "I know that feel, bro" moments while reading.

This is where Warga excels in My Heart and Other Black Holes and why the first 50% is so dead on. It's also why I said I was loving it around that marker.

Unfortunately, it went downhill from there.

Sometimes I just want to have a heart to heart with the book I'm reading. I want to invite it to tea and a spot on my comfy couch and tell them one thing: Look, I know you're a YA novel, but you don't always have to have a romance.

With the introduction to Roman, a boy who Aysel finds on a Suicide Partners forum, we get romance. Now, this is partly my fault, because if I actually read blurbs like a normal person before starting a book, I would have seen this part and ran the other way:

Even though Aysel and Roman have nothing in common, they slowly start to fill in each others' broken lives. But as their suicide pact becomes more concrete, Aysel begins to question whether she really wants to go through with it. Ultimately, she must choose between wanting to die or trying to convince Roman to live so they can discover the potential of their energy together.

This is problematic for me on so many levels.

1. Romanticization

I want to make this clear: I am not saying any of this is authorial intent. As soon as you introduce teenage romance to a a topic as heavy as this, you run this risk of it being romanticized. I saw moments of this when Roman started saying things like:

"You're you. You get it. you get all of it. And you're sad like me, and screwed up as that is, it's pretty beautiful." He reaches over and brushes his hand across my face, touching my hair. "You're like a gray sky. You're beautiful, even though you don't want to be."

This gave me pause because one of the reasons why Roman liked Aysel was because she was depressed and wanted to kill herself. But I was willing to let this go because at this point it seemed like only Roman had these twisted feelings while Aysel was bothered by it.

"But he was wrong. It's not that I don't want to be. But I never wanted to be beautiful because I was sad. FrozenRobot of all people should know that there is nothing beautiful or endearing or glamorous about sadness. Sadness is only ugly, and anyone who thinks otherwise doesn't get it."

I was further bothered when other characters started pairing the couple off, telling them they looked cute together. But I still had hope because Aysel hadn't completely lost her grip on reality... yet.

"If I have a boyfriend, his name is Death. And I'm pretty sure Roman is in love with him, too. It's like a love triangle gone wrong. Or maybe it's a love triangle gone right: we both get the guy on April 7."

I would have much preferred if the romance was left completely out. What Aysel needed was understanding and a person she could talk to. If there's one thing I've learned about depression, it's that it can't be conquered alone. Having someone who can relate to your own situation, who knows exactly how you're feeling, without having to spell it out to them, is invaluable. I have a person like that in my life and she is amazing and thoughtful and strong and she's probably reading this review right now, wondering if I'm talking about her. (Yes, it's you, Kat.) I literally don't know what I'd do if I had never met her. She is my person. So I get the need for her to connect to someone. It does help, but this needed to be accomplished without romanticizing the situation and it wasn't.

It's basically the same way I felt about The Fault in Our Stars : great idea, but the romance distracted from the central conflict and somehow made it all about their love. (Which is why I've been saying that Me, Earl and the Dying Girl is a much better alternative to The Fault in Our Stars.) Introducing this romance cheapened the story and the connection I thought I had to the characters. All of a sudden Roman is kissing Aysel, telling her how he wishes things could be different for them in another universe, but that she better not flake out on him come April 7th, that it changes nothing. It went from Aysel overcoming her demons and finding a reason to live to I'm in love with Roman, but he still wants to kill himself, let me save him with the new found love in my heart. And just no.

2. Love is the Cure-All

There comes a point in My Heart and Other Black Holes where Aysel has this AH-HA moment (ironically, sometime after kissing Roman--gag me) and decides she really doesn't want to die after all. Apparently, all it took was someone telling her it wasn't her fault for what her father did and she magically gets over her depression. Why? Because someone she has grown to care about accepted her and changed her in less than a month. There was way too much change in her attitude and outlook on life and not enough catalyst to justify it. That deeply bothered me.

I understand that she made a commitment to be stronger than her sadness, it was a great start. But depression is more than just sadness and is not something you can just decide to "get over" one day, especially if you've been suffering for years and are at the point where you are contemplating suicide. If the word "sad" were a bucket, depression would overflow it ten times over. Being depressed isn't a choice, it's a disease, a war within yourself. One where everyday is its own battle. It's not something that can be overcome by love alone. As awesome as that sounds, it's unrealistic.

3. Loose Ends

Aysel did have people in her life who was trying to reach out to her before Roman entered into the picture. Instead of the reader seeing Aysel get the closure she's been desperately craving, we get Aysel worried over Roman and his suicide attempt. Of course, this is why the romance felt so out of place and inappropriate to me: it monopolized the central conflict--Aysel's battle--and morphed into it being about Aysel saving Roman with love.

What I wanted was more closure with Aysel and her family. I was hoping we'd get to see them visiting her dad, finally letting her sister Georgia into her life, reconnecting with her mother, seeing a doctor for her problems. Asyel's broken family life was one of the biggest things that led to her depression and I was very disappointed to see this not addressed in the end. (Side note: I am scratching my head at Aysel's mother's decision making. She willingly left her daughter with her father knowing that he had violent tendencies? Never reached out to her further when she got remarried and had more kids? And then she was shocked to learn about her depression? Shocked that Aysel didn't come to her? HUH?)

By that time I was at 96% of the novel, I wanted to rage quit because I knew the book couldn't pull off what I needed it to. I was right because the final scene is full of Roman in the hospital after his failed suicide attempt and Aysel there confessing her love.

"Because loving you saved me. It's made me see myself differently, see the world differently. I owe you everything for that."

So much no.

My Heart and Other Black Holes could have been amazing. It could have been the book I'd recommend to really help people understand what it feels like to be depressed. The descriptions of grief were spot on and genuine. But the glamorized-suicidal-romantic-teen-love-fest killed any hope of redemption. I love a hope-filled story as much as the next person, and oh how I wish depression could just be cured with a little bit of love. I wish loving my husband and kids and them loving me in return could fix me. Love is a lot of things, but it is not a magic pill. This is real life, and real life is a lot more complicated and messy than that. What My Heart and Other Black Holes does do is give off a false hope with the road it took to achieving it almost impossible to attain. And that, frankly, depresses the hell out of me.

ARC provided by publisher in exchange for an honest review.

More reviews and other fantastical things at Cuddlebuggery.

My Heart and Other Black Holes investigates the many shades of depression. The author does a very nice job describing Aysel and Roman's feelings that led them to the point of creating a suicide pact. While I'm not sure whether or not the author gave a true representation of the depth of suicide, I do think she gave a realistic picture of how the experience of personal trauma can lead up to such a dramatic decision to takes one's life. In my opinion, the book stayed focused, interesting and had an intelligent subject-matter. Combining the topic of physics into how the main character viewed the world was a different perspective and one I have not seen used before.

I look forward to seeing what this author creates next. She has a talent for words and for drawing the reader in. I have no doubt she will have a long career in the writing of young adult and perhaps, adult novels.

I really enjoyed MY HEART & OTHER BLACK HOLES by debut author Jasmine Warga. She brings Aysel to the table, a Turkish girl who is smart and capable…if she could only see it. I loved her slow character growth and the way she learned to realize what she sees is not always the truth. I thought the depression aspect of the novel was very truthful and the ending was WOW! I did think the romance was a little too fast for me and I wanted a more slow progression but overall I really enjoyed Aysel and Roman together. The writing was great and I really look forward to Warga's next novel. Hopefully it is out soon!

I liked this book but the subject matter was very dark. I had a hard time identifying with Ayselle because I just don't understand that level of sadness. The ending wrapped up a little too neatly for me but overall I did enjoy it and would recommend it to students who like romance and are willing to shed a few tears.

This book was wonderfully written and provided an amazing insight into mental illnesses like depression. The characters were very well-developed and I almost cried a few times while reading it. I would definitely recommend this book to anyone who wants a heartfelt story with tons of emotions!

I was feeling in the mood to read something darker than a fluffy romance and I found it. The synopsis instantly captured me, maybe because I've never read a story about suicide, maybe because I've been feeling alone, anyways I always go for the ones with happy endings and this one has a hopeful if not happy ending. I recommend it if you want a dark but promising read.

Finished this book in an afternoon. Never would I have thought I would connect so much with teenage characters considering I didn't feel connected to them when I was one. A bit predictable but achieved the emotional impact it was going for. Many of Aynsel's thoughts seemed to be ripped from my own head. Also loved her nerdiness;her interest in science and physics as well as classical music added depth to her character.

This was a surprisingly beautiful and touching read. Even though I'm far from a teen, I picked it up in the teen section of the library on a whim and devoured it in less than 24 hours. Warga crafts a memorable portrait of two young teens who craft a unique bond despite the overwhelming weight of depression. Despite it's dark topic, it was beautifully crafted, relatable, and engrossing. I'd highly recommend it for a weekend read!

This was recommended by a friend and though the subject matter was off-putting at first the page-turning storytelling, vivid characters and beautiful writing sucked me in. Suspect this will linger with me for a long time.

This book is great for when you are stuck in a dark place and going through a rough patch. It's scary to think of people being suicidal but it something we all need to be aware of. I love how this book also makes me feel hope for the future and how meaningful it really is to have wonderful people in our lives.

Such a lovely, sad, smart, funny, honest, moving book. Warga handles the subject of depression with care and compassion, and I loved protagonist Aysel--and her voice--from the first page. Highly, highly recommend.

This book talks about suicide and depression in an accessible and honest way. I hope that this book will inspire younger readers to reach out when they are feeling something similar or see one of their friends suffering in a similar way to the characters in the book. I picked up this book after seeing it reviewed by NPR and am so glad that I did. It is a great read that touches on complicated but deeply important issues in an entertaining and gripping way.

This book is a wonderful read that demonstrates the everyday struggles that come with depression in a very relatable way. I sat down to read it for just a little while but then I couldn't put it down! It is a book that will make you laugh, cry, and hope. Would definitely recommend it!

My sister wouldn't stop talking about this book, and I picked it up one day when I had some time to kill and am surprised to say that I really enjoyed it. The relationship between Aysel and Roman was especially gripping, and I liked how the book was structured as a countdown. Will be recommending to my friends at school.

My Heart and Other Black Holes was a wonderful read. It is beautiful, heartfelt, honest, and hopeful, all at the same time. It is a great book for classroom or book club use, the story draws you in and allows for really important and interesting conversations. A must read!

As someone who's struggled with depression her whole life, it's troubling to me that this book sends depressed teen girls the message that a boy can fix/save them. What if a girl reads this book and can't find a boy? What if she finds the wrong boy? What if he leaves her? What if he doesn't leave her but she still doesn't feel "fixed?" Sorry, one spark can't change everything, because sparks, boys, friends, even true love can't magically cure mental illness, and it's irresponsible and potentially dangerous to pretend that they can. I can see this book being popular with readers who have never wrestled with depression or suicidal ideation, because "love conquers all" is a great story. But that's all it is--a fairytale--and anyone who has been personally touched by suicide might find My Heart and Other Black Holes more offensive than comforting. I know I did.

Other things that didn't work for me: This book tries to recreate the mystery element of Thirteen Reasons Why by purposely withholding information from the reader. Unfortunately, that strategy only works if there's a reason for the narrator to hold back and the reveal is worth it. I waited so long to find out what Ayzel's father had done I became convinced it was going to be this big twist or revelation, something that brought all of the loose ends together. Instead it's more of an "Oh. So why didn't you tell me that 200 pages ago?" moment.

The characters' dialogue reads like real teens, which I appreciate, but their feelings with respect to their depression simply did not ring true to me. Maybe it's partially because I read this right after All the Bright Places by Jennifer Niven, and that book's portrayal of mental illness is incredibly well done. The things Finch says and the way his thoughts are constructed lead me to believe Niven has known someone with his issues or she spent a lot of time talking to emotionally disturbed teens. By contrast, this book feels more like someone watched a very special suicide episode of Saved By The Bell and wrote a book about it.

Both My Heart and Bright Places start with two kids who "meet cute" while deciding to kill themselves. This plot device seems popular in teen literature this year, and while the whole idea leaves a bad taste in my mouth, the reason Bright Places worked for me and this book didn't is in the way these stories play out. Niven's book paints a vivid picture of the emotional repercussions of suicide and doesn't shy away from the darkness and pain that can rock an entire community when someone plans to end their own life. My Heart takes the soppy and sentimental route, a bit like a suicide-pact Disney movie. What other readers are describing as hopeful just felt phony and contrived to me.

Finally, I respect that the author included a note with resources to get help, but I don't know anyone who reads author notes, and either way it's inclusion is not enough to make up for the fact that this book contains information on finding suicide partners that some kids won't know before reading it. Books don't cause kids to kill themselves any more than heavy metal music does, but there's a wealth of empirical evidence demonstrating that someone already thinking about suicide might take the next step and make a plan after being offered the kind of information presented here. (For starters, World Health Organization, 2008, and Pirkis et al, 2010, both did meta-analyses of the effects of suicide reporting in the media, the results of which can be extrapolated to books.)

The combination of how-to information presented alongside a lack of realistic suicide portrayal/ramifications is highly problematic, and I hope teachers and librarians exercise caution when recommending this title. I suggest guiding students toward All the Bright Places or Erin Lang's Butter instead.