Created To Be His Help Meet 10th Anniversary Edition- Revised

By Debi Pearl

feedback image
Total feedbacks: 200
98
19
3
5
75
Looking for Created To Be His Help Meet 10th Anniversary Edition- Revised in PDF? Check out Scribid.com
Audiobook
Check out Audiobooks.com

Readers` Reviews

★ ★ ★ ★ ★
melissa powell
God's principles are always best and when we follow them we will have blessed marriages full of unspeakable joy. This book doesn't beat around the bush. Debi's no-nonsense approach is refreshing. Our culture has fed women a lie. But God's word gives us the truth and hope.
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
stanislav ivanov
I love this book and get it for all my friends when they get married and tell them to read it before their marriage is in disrepair. It is definitely focused on the wife's duties and role, and the husband can seem a little left out (what about what HE has to do!?), but that's because it's written by a woman for women! It's not Debi's place to lecture the men.
She writes clearly and simply. It may be too cut and dry for some readers, but that is just her and her husband's personality. There is so much to learn from this couple who has stayed happily married all these years. I was so inspired by her book, my husband wondered what happened and got her husband's book for husbands! See, her godly advice did affect my husband ;)
It is focused on me and what can I do as a wife and what God expects of me, but all with a humble, serving heart.

I do not go to their church, not a part of their denomination, I am not a homesteader, and live very far away from them. I also read other versions of the Bible besides KJV when it is appropriate. Just saying this to dispel brainwashing complaints.
Be blessed!
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
plamen stefanov
Help Meet is quite a page turner. On this particular subject matter, hands down the most entertaining and hilarious book of all time. Even the title is funny. I love Pearl's insane world she lives in... she keeps me wanting more! I am eagerly anticipating her next great piece of comic genius. After I read it a couple of times I shared it with my wife...she didn't like this book and was pretty upset and mentally disturbed by the whole thing. I guess it's because Pearl puts wives in their place...to her, wives are about the mental equivelint of a 13 year old girl (perhaps that is how old Debi Pearl was when she got married?) Created to Be His Slave would have been a more appropriate title, but not as funny. I felt sort of conflicted as I read this. I suppose a part of me felt disturbed, part of me laughed silly, the other part wanted to throw-up all over myself. But in the end, I just felt like laughing. Of course everything Pearl says in this book is a bunch of garbage and I pray to God that nobody takes this book seriously. I suppose the major problem with this book is Pearl did not intend for it to be funny, so in the end it all comes accross as really creepy. I feel a little bit sorry for any woman who finds this book comforting or educational or spiritually enlightening. For this reason I give the book 1 star, but for laughs I give it a solid 5! I encourage you to read this book only for the comic brilliance. If you'd like a better written and more credible commentary on this subject matter, I'd recomend something a little more down to earth such as "Heirs Together" by Patricia Gundry. It isn't nearly as funny as "Created to Be His Help Meet", but at least this author recieved a degree from an actual accredited school.
Help and Healing for Mothers of Estranged Adult Children :: God Help the Child (Vintage International) :: Take Control of Your Life with Self-Help Techniques from EMDR Therapy :: Hope and Help for Your Nerves :: Hardcore Self Help: F**k Anxiety (Volume 1)
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
lisa clarke
I am one of those people who grew up in a wonderful home with great parents, but they didn't have a marriage that I ever wanted. Staying single was a much happier alternative to me than getting married and not having a glorious marriage. But then I read this book and met people with amazing marriages including Mike and Debi Pearl. When you see a great marriage and understand that if you do it God's way you can have that, it makes it all worth it. Buy a copy today and learn and grow like you never have before, you will be convicted and draw closer to the Lord and your sweetie when you read this book with a open heart to learn. You don't have to agree with everything in order to be changed and have a GLORIOUS marriage, just follow the God and what He teaches on marriage. :)
★ ★ ★ ★ ☆
sandy cruz
I read this book after about 8 yrs of marriage--it was a real eye-opener. I was immediately convicted of about every no-no in this book unfortunately. This book isn't saying your husband can do whatever he wants and you're to blame--it simply says if you can change your half of the marriage then there's an extremely good possibility the whole marriage can be glorious. Who wouldn't want to come home to a beautiful, smiling wife with a hot supper waiting, and then feel happily invited to bed? We are called to be under the head of our husband, our desire is for our husband, yet we women fight it tooth and nail rather than just go with it. Nobody wants a marriage where 2 people are basically room mates raising some kids together--this book will show you how to have a romatic, loving marriage again--by changing YOUR old habits!! WOMEN CANNOT CHANGE THEIR HUSBANDS--but you CAN change yourself!! I loved this book and still pick it up from time to time--old habits are hard to break!!
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
shawn simmons
I am astounded that this book can be recommended by any Christian. Debi starts out with a few good truths of how women have a tendency to undermine their husbands authority but beyond that it all goes downhill. There is so much unbiblical information and taken-out-of context Bible verses included in this book that I would not recommend it to anyone.
I have been married for over 25 years and have given many women Biblical counsel on their part in restoring their marriage relationship and submitting to their husband's authority. However, there is no Biblical truth to any person (woman) created just to please another human (man).
My Bible tells me we are all created in the image of God and are given talents, abilities, and passions to be used for His glory and to draw others to him.
The book is so full of fallacies that it is scary. The putdowns and name calling of women shows no love and compassion. Letters written by women that are in desperate need of answers are responded to with blame and sarcasm. Even scarier is the recommendations of what to do with a child molesting or abuisive husband. However, scariest of all, I find this book to be an assault on the beauty and heart of women and the role they are created to play in God's marvelous plan.
Don't waste your time on this book. If you want to understand a man and your role as a woman read "Capitivating" and "Wild at Heart" by Jon and Stasi Eldridge. For a woman or man looking to do their part in restoring their marriage "The Love Dare" and "Boundaries in Marriage" are full of great Bibcal advice.
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
andrew robinson hodges
The author uses Bible verses to make all her points. What she describes in this book is all truth whether we want to accept it or not. She may seem a little too straight forward some times. I think some may welcome that hard truth, while others may reject it because of her "tone". No matter what an author may say in his/her books, it's also up to us, the reader, to go to the Bible and find out for ourselves. Reading the chapters that Deby mentioned in her book will open our minds more to the truth. I have read this book many times, and I have tried to memorize some of the verses taken from the Bible. One of the reasons I like this book is because my own research on that specific topic has backed up the material present in this book.
The author has defined what the word "submission", which is a good start in her book, since we live in a country where the women cringe when that word is mentioned. The temperature of our home is based on our attitude towards our husband and children. And this is what the author described in her book in a nutshell.
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
najil hill
I would never recommend this book to anyone. Though there is some excellent stuff in there, it's like rat poison--a lot of good stuff and a little poison. I personally know the Pearls, and their arrogance and pride shows through. I had a real problem with her saying that God Himself pushed a certain woman into madness because she was being unsubmissive and trying to be the spiritual leader of her home. If that were the case, there would be millions of insane women!! There were other, multiple issues I had with her counsel. A woman with a good grounding in the Bible might glean some good stuff out of here (though if she had a good grounding in the Bible, she'd probably have all of this anyway), but anyone else I would seriously NOT recommend this book to them!!
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
christopher matthews
Following this book was very damaging to my marriage's health. It encourages an unhealthy marriage balance that does not encourage growth, especially for your husband. Debi essentially encourages a wife to take responsibility for her husband's emotions, and that is against God's intention for our lives. Following the advice in this book can cause a woman to make herself into a doormat, and create a very unhealthy environment in her marriage. A much better, healthier book to read is Boundaries in Marriage, by Henry Cloud and John Townsend.
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
alicia
If I could have given this book a 0, I would have.

This book is a danger to all wives, particularly to those with struggling marriages. It's a book of manipulation. Our motivation in all that a Christian does is to glorify the Lord. Manipulation has no place in a Christian's life. I'm sure there are, as the Pearls have said, many whose marriages have changed for the better. But what will happen when the wife has a bad day, and doesn't behave as she should? The Pearls preach the heretical doctrine of sinless theology, that Christians don't sin, Scripture teaches otherwise. She puts fear into wives that if they don't behave as she says they should, their husbands will have affairs and leave them. It's a book that puts fear into wives to be absolutely perfect or else their husbands will leave them. She implies that if you do the things she says, your marriage will be perfect.

If you looking for a biblically sound Bible study for wives, I highly recommend the book, The Excellent Wife, by Martha Peace. That is the best book I have ever read on the topic.

I also second the recommendation of Kay Arthur too, and agree with that reviewer about sticking with sound, biblical, Bible teachers, not someone like Debi.

Bottom line is that this is a book based on manipulation, condemnation, fear, and no grace.

This is my husband's opinion also.
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
dusty crabtree
The reason for the varied reviews is strictly related to the varied personalities out there. This book is great for the "Type A" women out there who are married to what Debi Pearl described as "Mr. Steady". It is EXTREMELY DANGEROUS both emotionally and relationally, not to mention physically, for the mild and passive wives who are constantly told by well-meaning Christians to continue being submissive and to "win their husbands without a word". If I had read this book 6 months ago, it would have been tragic for me. But thank God, I was given 'Boundaries in Marriage", which is what too many passive spouses haven't read, but need to. And the other reviewers are only too right about her putting all the responsibility on the wife. This is dangerous and unbiblical.
★ ★ ☆ ☆ ☆
jim babcock
This book has "pearls" of truth but poor reasons for the truth. The bible is taken out of context and the author is so extreme, unloving and harsh in her responses. I agree with her principles of biblical submission but there are much better books out there on the subject. I would reccomend authors such as Martha Peace, Susan Hunt, John Piper, Bryan Chapell and Douglas Wilson instead.
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
weebly
I've read the other (scathing) reviews on this book and, quite frankly, I think they're silly.

The lady doth protest too much, methinks.

If I had been given this book a year ago, I would have thrown it out. God has slowly been preparing my heart to hear the truth in it. I can now happily report that I have a much happier marriage and a husband who is a better servant and leader.

Here's the deal on this book: Mrs. Pearl is harsh at times. Sometimes far too harsh. She should probably show more grace in her writing simply because many women are so very new to these ideas.

HOWEVER, so many women are in rebellion to these ideas that one can almost understand the harshness. The word of God is no less harsh toward rebellious people.

But, let's be honest. If you're smart enough to read you're probably smart enough to have some discernment. You can obey scripture and "test all things, hold fast that which is good." You can test things against the scriptures and decide for yourself if they are true.

I only found one thing in the book that I would disagree with scripturally. It was the part about Bathsheba and is of little consequence to the overall message.

This is a great book. It is a wake-up call to women everywhere. I laughed out loud at the description of wives' behavior because I know it's true. We can be so childish at times in our desire to be "right."

I recommend reading this book. Yes, please do read other materials. I highly recommend Douglas Phillips' CDs "The Wise Woman's Guide to Blessing Her Husband's Vision." They were truly life-changing and eye-opening and a little bit more insightful about a man's role as well. A little more balanced.The Wise Woman's Guide to Blessing Her Husband's Vision (CD) (Vision of Victory for Marriage)

But please don't pass up Mrs. Pearl's book. Just use your brain when you read it! Realize that Mrs. Pearl, like all of us, is human. She has a certain personality and she has flaws. But that doesn't mean everything she says is wrong or erroneous. Don't let anyone scare you off from it. It's worth the money if only to see if you agree or find out where you stand and why.

And use a good KJV with Strong's numbers too. You'd be surprised at the difference that translations have taken over the last few hundred years.
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
meagan baty
Every Christian wife who wants wisdom and is willing to hear some hard (but liberating!) truths should read this book. My copy is warn and marked from many readings, and it is a treasure to me. Debi has unique insight into the things we women struggle with in marriage, and she speaks with great love and wisdom. I thank God for the Pearls and for all they have taught me through their writings.
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
luis
As a Christian, I believe I should hold all of God's Creation in reverence. I should show particular reverence to His creation of mankind, with special devotion to my spouse. Mrs. Pearl however appears to take the principle to extremes. On the one hand, she seemingly abdicates the husband of any responsibility of developing a healthy relationship in the marriage. On the other hand, she outright condemns him with such remarks as "God help his filthy soul." She also leaves the impression at times that men are testosterone-driven beasts that must be tamed.

Mrs. Pearl seems insensitive to the apparent fact that she lives a lifestyle out of the mainstream, and bases her advice on her personal living conditions. Mrs. Pearl's seeming narcissism throughout the writing is further evidenced by her poem at the end of the book, "I Am His Water" in which she expresses what a great wife she is.

I also find her writing style offensive, condescending, insensitive, superficial, and irresponsible. She "quotes" so-called research, scientific fact, and statistics, but never backs it up with citations or source documentation. Her tone is quite degrading toward single mothers, people who send their children to day care and public schools, people who live in duplexes, and parents who feed their children store-bought, boxed cereal.

I'm particularly concerned with Mrs. Pearl's medical advice. On one occasion, she advises a mother TO SAVE MONEY by treating her sick child with home remedies rather than taking the child to the doctor. She also seems to imply that vaccinations for children are suspect.

I really advise caution when reading this book, and would certainly recommend the Bible over Mrs. Pearl's writings.
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
jeannine
I purchased this book for a dollar and, sadly, I overpaid. I am a Christian who firmly believes in the headship of her husband. I absolutely believe that God created a wife to be her husband's helper and that it is His design that she submit to him in all things that are not a violation of God's law. I absolutely agree with Mrs. Pearl on many of the principles she presents in her book, but it's the application that I find and unbiblical. Additionally, she states her opinion on Biblical application in such a way as implies that Mrs. Pearl's opinion is more than just a fellow human's opinion - but "ordained."

As others have noted, Mrs. Pearl's arrogant and demeaning writing style is less than flattering to herself (and hardly reflective of the woman of virtue that she is supposedly inspiring the rest of us to be). Mrs. Pearl peppers her writing with inflammatory and unflattering descriptions of others - calling some children dumb, and some women "dumb-clucks." To be honest, she appears to be one of those women who has not much but disdain for her fellow women - obviously, not a godly calling.

Additionally, again as others have noted, while I absolutely agree that we should always seek to see and rectify our part in any disagreement with our spouse, Mrs. Pearl's tone and words seems to imply (and in some cases, outright state) that many of a man's failings are the responsibility of his wife. At one point Mr. Pearl (who writes a section of the book) writes, "Most "Christian" divorces are religious. Her religious convictions and narrow-minded insistence drive him to leave her." The assumption that most divorces among Christians are not only the fault of the wife, but specifically the fault of her religious convictions and her narrow-mindedness is arrogant and leaves me in doubt of the wisdom of their "marriage counseling."

I believe that part of the issue is an apparent lack of appreciation for other styles. To be frank, I find the intereaction between Mr. & Mrs. Pearl (as per Mrs. Pearl's description) odd. I am not given to "blood curdling screams" intended to encourage playful interaction with my husband. My husband is not inclined to run around the house 3 times to use up nervous energy. To be honest, my husband would wonder at my sanity were I given to screams at any time - we are both reserved people. That said, I think there's nothing wrong with that uniqueness that is Mr. & Mrs. Pearl. Mrs. Pearl, however, does not seem to extend such grace to other couples. In this book Mrs. Pearl admonishes a woman who wrote in to ask if a woman need to mindlessly submit to her husband in all things. She gave the example of her husband choosing the most expensive stove in the store as a replacement for their broken one. The husband called the wife to come look at his choice and she assured him that the next level of stove down would suit their needs and would cost considerably less. The husband concurred and they purchased the stove she recommended. She asked Mrs. Pearl if she were wrong to voice her opinion. Mrs. Pearl took this opportunity to berate the woman for not being more gracious. She begins, "You wrote about a stove, but the thing that caused you to write to me was your lack of joy." She says this as though she has supernatural knowledge, because the letter writer never indicated such a thing. She goes on paragraphs later, "If you had been wise, gracious, and loving when your husband called to inform you of the stove he had in mind to buy, you would have laughed and been delighted with your husband's choice of stove." The presumption that Mrs. Pearl could pass such judgment on a woman she seems to have never met and to have no more knowledge of than from a brief letter is odd and casts her credibility into question (as many other things within the book did).

After dealing with the ungrateful stove recipient Mrs. Pearl writes a list of questions that "a wife can ask that will tear down her house." Some of them I am in complete agreement with. Others I thought were quite innocuous:
Question 1. "Do you feel comfortable spending that much money buying that __?" (So, wives are not to discuss spending with husbands?)
Question 4. "Why don't you ever want to go with me to__?" (How else will she know if she doesn't ask?) Mrs. Pearl goes on to assume why "he" doesn't want to go "there" with her: "He doesn't feel comfortable around those people; they seem so artificial, and their kids are whiny. The man talks in a quiet, humble way, which grates on his nerves; it just seems so "put on," but his wife doesn't see it that way. He guesses he must be carnal. Somehow, he just doesn't care anymore."
Question 6: "Why don't you spend more time with our sons?" (Seems innocent enough - shouldn't a wife try to ascertain why a father doesn't want to be with his children?) Mrs. Pearl's assumption? "The thrill of having boys has faded. The few times he has disciplined them, his wife later talked with him for being harsh. Maybe he was. He likes being with the men better; anyway, they are mama's boys. Not that they are sissies, they just have this close, talky, relationship with mama. He feels separated from them. He's just not that type. He can see the accusation in the boys' eyes; it is reflected from their mother's eyes. He sees the same questioning looks, which provokes in him the same feelings of condemnation he gets from being around her. He thinks, "I am a real loser. I wonder if I'm even saved." It would seem that Mrs. Pearl's power of divination is great, indeed, to get all of that from, "Why don't you spend more time with our sons?"

It seems that not only are women discouraged from asking these questions that "WILL tear down" their homes, but the source of his negativity is usually his wife.

Another example of blaming the wife: Jill wrote that the day before she was very tired when her husband got home. Her children were sick and the new baby was coming down with a fever. Her husband came home and didn't inquire about anyone else but asked when dinner would be ready and why the house was a wreck. Mrs. pearl admits that Jill's husband was insensitive but, "If Jill had done better at her job, her husband would not have been such a jerk." She goes on to discuss Jill's lack of planning, but the point was that it was Jill's fault that her husband was a jerk. Of course, it's not Jill's fault her husband behaved selfishly - it's entirely his fault. Could Jill have potentially done things differently to try to create a more peaceful atmosphere for her family in the evening? I imagine so. Does that make her responsible for her husband's response? Nope.

Mrs. Pearl tells another story of a dear friend of her's married to a complete cad. In her description she writes, "other than his use of pornography, the vice that repelled her the most was his physical uncleanness. He often required "things" of her that were repulsive because he had not bathed. I felt truly ill when I thought of her in this situation. Yet she submitted and responded to him. Of course, she would tell him how happy she would be and how happy he would be, if he would bathe. She believed 1 Peter 3:1-2." In a display of Mrs. Pearl's warped perception of appropriate behavior, she recalls how this woman's husband showed up with 5 friends at 6:30 for breakfast (he had been bragging to his friends, that Mrs. Pearl describes as drunks and whoremongers, about how well his wife treated him and he wanted to illustrate it). "He ushered his co-workers into his home and in a gruff manner said to his wife, "Fix breakfast for my friends."" She does - and Mrs. Pearl sums things up this way: "The men ate, then got up and filed out. They must have noted that Jim never thanked his smiling wife. He would never again be just one of the guys. They would always feel he was just a little smarter; he wasn't the jerk they thought him to be." What?

At one point, Mrs. Pearl says that a woman is expected to honor and obey her husband, even when he has not earned the right; yet she must earn the right to be loved. She does say that if her husband were counseling men he would tell them to love their wives regardless of how they act, yet as she is counseling women she would tell us that "You cannot command your husband to love you, and you have no right to expect him to love you when you are unlovely." The latter certainly does not seem to impart godly wisdom.

Anyhow, as I said, I agree with many of the principles Mrs. Pearl espouses - but her application is way off base in most cases and her demeanor is quite un-Christlike. Like another reviewer, I am tossing my copy as I could never give it to others in good conscience.
★ ★ ★ ★ ☆
jason lewis
Well, I recently got this book after being told it was wonderful. I will make this quick and simple.

I believe Debi draws out some amazing points to really revolutionize a marriage. There were things that she wrote I could see in myself (that were less than perfect). And I did feel empowered to live as a 'help meet' that God has made me to be.

The criticism I have is that though I believe the book is filled with truth, there is a clearly negative "i have the corner on the market, it's my way or the highway" approach in the writing.

If you are one who can read books without getting wrongly condemned or feel shamed, but take away the truth where you need to hear it in a balanced way, then I do recommend this book.

It's just not something I would read as though it's the whole truth, or if you have a hard time taking away the good stuff, and leaving the bad.Created to Be His Help Meet: Discover How God Can Make Your Marriage Glorious
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
michelle nicholle
Just seeing over 115 one star reviews should be enough to make one question this book. Mrs. Pearl gives foolish, potentially dangerous, advice, is very critical and judgmental, and doesn't have a biblical foundation for much of what she writes. Read some of the other one star reviews for details, but please don't bother reading this book.
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
raden bima drian
If you are a women's liber this book is probably not for you, but if you are ready to transform your marriage to be what God intended, this is a great read. The author is very straight forward at times which can be misconstrued as gruff. But what she speaks is the truth. This book is good medicine in a world that tells us women to wear the pants, and be independent. It clearly describes the Biblical roll of a woman, but your heart must be prepared to hear it other wise it will just down right rub you the wrong way. My husband would agree that by me applying what I learned in the book, it has made him want to cherish me all the more. Ladies, our attitude sets the tone for our home.
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
sari saraswati
this is an legalistic book...you should not wear pants and etc. Some good in it but mostly author is not seasoned in life but opinanted...I wonder if people in her and her husbands church dress like them and walk them...I was very saddened by reading this book and I would not recommend it................
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
anwesa
I was so excited to get my hands on this book & read it cover to cover. I agree w/ the most recent reviewer that the beginning of the book has some awesome scripturally insights & some "pearls" of wisdom. However, I was taken aback when Mrs. Pearl discussed the story in which her husband, Michael, helped her take out the garbage one night (only b/c he was heading in that direction), flung the garbage sack in the garbage can, missed, and garbage flung out all over the place. He "continued on his merry way," while she bent down to clean up his whole garbage mess on the ground. That's just one example of their relations. I understand sacrificing to help one's mate, but there are also some basic tenets of respect and love. My husband & I are also conservative, evangelical Christians. I took a few days to swallow this part of the book I'd just read, then discussed the book/part w/ my husband. He was astonished. That's just a preview of her perspective. I also was offended by her rash criticism of other women and couples in the book, thereby causing me to feel she's a bit hypocritical . . . I also agree w/ another viewer that scriptural truths are weaved throughout non-truths which could cause one w/o much Biblical discernment to be led away from the truth . . . Lastly, she states the only reason we women exist to is complete our husband & help them live out their dreams. How, then, does that explain God's giving of spiritual gifts to ALL (regardless of gender) and commanding us to use them? How does it explain women whom God has ordained singleness? Just beware before you read.
★ ★ ★ ☆ ☆
john wiswell
I agree wholeheartedly with MRW's review.

Many authors, such as the Pearls, weave scriptural truth with human wisdom and opinion. I had a pastor that did this... sometimes you had to catch yourself or you'd take his personal opinion as gospel truth!

No man or woman has all the answers. Be a Berean and search the scriptures. God can make your marriage glorious without this book or, frankly, any other Christian self-help guide.

Borrow before you buy.
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
taylor edwards
I was very discouraged by this book. What I read didn't sit with me--agree with all that I've read in the Bible. When I read Created to be His Helpmeet, I was getting very upset and my husband suggested that I stop reading it and just read the Bible. I stopped at that point. But, I picked it up recently to try and understand a woman I knew who had been very encouraged by it. I shared it with my husband and he told me to throw it away. And this is why...

I am going to try and say this very kindly (unlike how she speaks in her book). My husband felt demeaned by how she wrote about Godly men. He felt she was sarcastic, rude, and very inappropriate in how she addressed matters in the book. He also felt that her advice was very manipulative and passive aggressive in how to handle conflicts. Finally, he told me to throw it away, because the more he read, the more concerned he was. Now someone might want to say to me, well you must not be a very submissive wife if you struggled with that book. I will admit, I do struggle with submission, but I think all women do--it has been a part of our nature--from the time of Eve's sin. But, I have spoken to my husband about this, and he does feel I am submissive and that I do honor him--and that is what matters to me and I believe--to God. My feelings about the book were that her tone was sharp and critical and that she was lacking grace in her approach to marriage. She retold a story and described a woman as "hillbilly ugly" rather than just saying she was not very striking or that one didn't notice at first glance. I'm sure there are many other things she could have said that would have had grace than the words she used. So, my caution is this...if someone suggests this book to you, peruse it first, before you buy it--and be careful! If you struggle with a critical spirit or a harsh tone of voice, this book is a very bad example of such a struggle. Honestly, this book grieves my heart because of all the young women who may have read it and felt condemned or trapped because of its advice. I just wanted to pass that caution along to you.

One friend told me that she felt the author's point to be that you need to stay in your marriage through thick and thin. This I agree with whole heartedly, but I think that message is mired down in this book. Please be very cautious about this book...
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
magen
For many years, "No Greater Joy"--Mike and Debi Pearl's free newsletter--has included glowing testimonials to how this book has helped wives renew their marriages. The original letters in NGJ conveyed that Debi helps women realize what type of men they have married. When I got a copy, I was sadly disappointed, even though I found the authors' "To Train Up a Child" very helpful. What we're getting is Scripture interpreted by the Church of Mike and Debi. I was disappointed by her citations of Old Testament acceptance of divorce, and how she failed to point out how Christ changed this teaching--allowed before his coming because of the "hardness" of people's hearts. She also excludes Christ's ringing words "What God has joined together, let no man put asunder." I was also disappointed by her take on birth control (okay as long as it's not abortifacient, but she doesn't bother to point out that both the IUD and Pill have abortifacient actions) and certain deviant sexual acts (thank God she does exclude sodomy), which she endorses as proper to marriage, although Christian tradition and Scripture both condemn such acts. The Pearls insist that the King James Bible is the proper one to reveal God's word! In reality, they have moved beyond the values of that Bible's writers. (Up until 1929, all of Christianity condemned contraception--the Anglicans were the first to reject this wisdom at the Lambeth Conference.)

In the end, her writing is not very different from feel-good secular writers on what is proper to marriage. As others have noted, the book has a smarmy tone. How a serious Christian can take this book seriously is a mystery to me. It's such a hodge podge that its useful insights are canceled by the unclear reasoning and examples presented by the author as "Gospel." I agree with the reviewer who feels the book has enough harmful material that she will not pass it on to someone else.
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
sue lee
Please, I am just begging those of you in physically or sexually abusive relationships, do not read this book! It is a horrible book full of lies & not at all what God wants for your life. A friend of mine introduced this book to our women's bible study group. At least half of the women in the group happened to be in abusive relationships at the time. The woman who introduced the book was desperate to save her marriage. Her husband was mentally, physically, and horribly sexually abusive to her at the time, and was also addicted to meth. She was a good little girl, just like Debi told her to be, and she NEVER "gossipped" about her husband. She finally confided in her family concerning the drug abuse, and they told her she had 2 days to get out or they were calling the authorities. She had no money, of course, as Debi says, the husband has complete control, and she had no where to go as her family wasn't offering her a place to stay. Her family called DCFS the next day, and DCFS said he had to leave. He came back for her one night soon after and beat her nearly to death, breaking ribs, and began choking her. A neighbor saved her by smashing a guitar hero over him & cracking his skull. Her son sat huddled in fear in his bedroom hearing everything. This woman endured horrible abuse for years in all out submission to her husband, and followed the advice of this book to a T. It nearly cost her life. If you are in an abusive relationship, get help! Seek the advice of a counselor, attorney, friends, pastors, other Christian woman, EVERYONE. My friend ended up getting help from a lawyer who gave her services for free, and the courts ruled that the husband should never be allowed to have a relationship with his son, and the restraining order is still in affect 2 years later. Our pagan legal system had more biblical wisdom than this evil book. If you have this book, burn it! Please, if you are being abused, seek help, and DO NOT remain quiet. Your life will never improve if you never seek help. Perhaps, if my friend had sought help sooner for both her AND her husband, the marraige could have been saved, he could have attended rehab, and the entire family could have sought Christian counseling, and perhaps the scenario could have played out differently. Do not tolerate abuse. Abuse is NEVER acceptable, and if your husband hurts you or rapes you, get help; God does not want you to sit back and allow your children to grow up in this type of environment as though this is how a Christian home should function. Don't provide your children with this example. Please do not waste your time on this book.
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
ann reiter
Essentially this book tells you that unless you imitate a "Stepford Wife" you are blaspheming the word of God. Debi Pearl claims you are never to contradict your husband or even make helpful suggestions or you'll cause your husband to leave you and will end up a lonely old lady or you'll go insane. This is a very extreme view. She says your ONLY PURPOSE in life is TO SERVE your husband, quietly and with a smile. My husband suggested we burn the book.
Interesting that Michael Pearl has not penned a "How to Love Your Wife as Christ Loved the Church" book.
I am a christian and I do submit to my husband. ;)
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
emma stanger
I will not give an extremely long review of this book. It truly isn't worth it. This book is not worth the paper it used to print, and I am so thankful that I didn't pay for it, but borrowed it from someone else. The advice in this book is not simply "outdated" as some people claim the advice in books like Fascinating Womanhood (a decent book, in my opinion) to be, but it is ridiculous, and a lesson in nothing but humiliation for a woman. This is not about submitting to one's husband, but making oneself into a blathering idiot who makes no effort to think for herself in the slightest. This book actually made me sad to read. I hope no one out there reads this book and believes that God truly wants things this way. I consider myself to be a Christian, but I have not read this advice in scripture- anywhere.
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
dramasister
I found this book to be an unrealistic, unbalanced view on how marriage should be. I am a Christian, but I found this book to be poison to anyone who is seeking marriage counsel. I feel the Pearls have missed the mark on what God has intended for marriage. A woman was made from Adam's rib NOT his foot. This book painted a "door mat" life for the wife. Please read other sources on marriage to receive well thought out counsel on marriage. Gary Chapman or Tim LaHaye are great places to start. If there was a way to give this 0 stars that is what I would have given it. If you are in need of counsel, please seek it from a competent source. By the way, I took these views to a counselor and the opinion they had of this material "an unbalanced approach to marriage."
★ ★ ★ ★ ☆
michael lundy
I encourage all readers to live in accordance with the measure of faith God has given to them personally. To follow someone else's ideas without being at peace that God has called you to live "their way" is self-imposed legalism.

That said, I also encourage women to read this book and consider Debi's viewpoint if you can handle scrutiny of your character with grace- without getting depressed or overwhelmed. If you let yourself get depressed or overwhelmed, stop looking at this book as a measuring stick of who you should be- look at it as a panoramic view of what a marriage landscape could look like. Become more well-rounded by considering ideas outside of the generally accepted norm.

Just as every man is different, every helpmeet will be different. I'm sure Debi isn't trying to get every woman to act and think just like her. She did her best to try and illuminate a good path avoiding pitfalls. And don't get all excited when you read her responses to certain scenarios, thinking she is giving you some formula for how every woman should act at all times. She gives stories to encourage you to think outside the box of how our society acts, and to catch a vision that things can be different when you trust God and submit to an imperfect man. If you are seeking to be a Christian wife, you will need to stay close to God- He alone can tell you when you need to be an Abigail or a Sarah if your husband is going in an indisputably bad direction.

Ultimately, the title was the best part of this book. Even if I had never read the contents, meditating on the cover was enough to shift my attitude to where it ought to be. It prompted me to read the book considering if what she suggested would benefit my husband's life (even if it might not appeal to me at first glance). I would hope that if he read a book about being a better husband, he would do the same, setting aside his ideas, habits, or actions that weren't encouraging me to be all I am created to be.
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
jcolli3
How are books like this even still written in this day and age? I thought we were well passed the notion that women are supposed to be barefoot incubators in the kitchen serving their husbands hand and foot. Seriously? The five star reviews on this really scare me. We have so much more work to do if there are still plenty of women being brainwashed into thinking that this is the way it has to be.
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
megyn blanchard
My wife came home with this book after enrolling in a discipleship course on the subject of being a Godly wife. I was curious, as I had not been exposed to the Peral's ministry before, so I read the book while watching the effect it had on my wife. We often discuss certain passages, which has facilitated a discussion in areas of our married life that we both wish to improve.

We have already chose to have a "love and respect" marriage (see the book by Emmerson Eggerichs, "Love and Respect") but this book took that teaching a step farther in the life of my bride, and I, as a husband appreciate the effort.

One reviewer above noted that the book tended to blame women for all the problems in marriage. I don't think that was intellectually honest, but I can see how she might form that opinion after reading this work. Debi Peral's task in this book is to deal with the wife's perspective in marriage, not the husband's. Most "Christian" works on the marriage relationship place faults in the marriage squarely on the shoulders of the husband, as he is the "head of the home" and the "head of the wife" from a scriptural perspective. While true, it takes two to tango... And, the sins of the wife may indeed hinder a husband's desire to be a godly leader in the home.

What I commend about this book is the brutal honesty that Debi Pearl brings to the subject of being a good help meet for one's husband. She pulls no punches whatsoever, and I can well understand how women steeped in the egalitarian perspective of marriage (equal partners in a contract arrangement) would be very upset at the contents of this work. What Pearl brings is a complimentarian perspective (partners in marriage compliment each other, as built by God for that task) whereby a woman has her God-given role, just as her husband has his God-given role. Pearl lays out what commonly happens when a woman mistakes her God-given role -- poverty, aloneness, broken marriage, and none of her dreams and goals met.

As a man who takes his leadership seriously, and who wants to be pleasing, not only to God, but to his bride, I HIGHLY commend this book. What it does most successfully is to bring one's wife up to speed on how she can best assist her man in becoming what God intended -- not "king" of his home and bride, but a man who desperately loves his bride with all his heart, and who will do whatever it takes to see that she is satisfied in marriage -- because he is.

100% rating for this book. A MUST READ!
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
kester
This book is FANTASTIC. I have never read a Christian marriage book that delved so much into the Scriptures. It has sent me to my Bible searching the Scriptures and to my knees praying to God to be the best help meet possible to my man. The principles are sound, it's an easy read, and it really provokes you to thought, study of the Word of God, and prayer. My husband is so grateful that I read this book and he has noticed the change in my life and attitude! I *highly* recommend this to any woman looking to have a truly Christian marriage.

Yes, this book only addresses the wife's perspective and responsibilities because this is a book written by the "aged woman" admonishing the "younger woman". It's not her place to instruct the men, and this book is not for men. There are other books for men and Michael Pearl is currently writing a marriage book for the men. Ladies, this book will show you how you can save your marriage even when the other partner is unwilling.

Please read this book with an open mind and a soft heart and pray to seek God's will for your life and marriage!
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
pattrice
Dear 1783,

Please take your book back, we've moved on from that toxic philosophy. This book chills me to the bone and espouses the belief that women are inherently inferior to men and are utterly incapable of making decisions without a mans approval.
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
puneet
what is wrong with this one she needs to be put in prison and her husband needs to be put in prison they are sick and they are not Christian. anybody that can write a book about beating and starving your kids need to be put away
★ ★ ★ ★ ☆
christel
but very needed! This book helped get me thinking...thinking about the areas that I can change to improve my marriage with my husband. I know that many ladies feel offended by the forthright way that Debi (the author) comes accross, (and at times I felt tempted to as well) but I believe when you take some of the scriptural examples that she has offered and study them, you will find yourself sometimes saying, "You know what, it really does say that in the Bible!" Although I do endorse this book, I must say that there are certain parts that I believe to be Mrs. Pearl's opinion, rather than something that is "set in stone" by God's Word. Hence, as with all things, one must "chew the meat and spit out the bones." Overall, I believe if you want to see God move in your marriage this would be a beneficial book to check out. As you read it, make sure you read your Bible, and allow God to deal with your heart! Reverence and submit to your husband (even if he is mean and inconsiderate at times), and just see what God's love, through you, can do! :) Don't quit!
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
danialle
First I want to say that any time you open up the Bible, or go to a church where a Pastor is preaching. The Scriptures are being interpreted by either your self or someone else. That is why so many many many many many different views on scriptures are out there but all serving the same God. That have asked Jesus to come into their heart and are being molded and shaped into him By the same Holy Spirit.

Second, our own personal duty is to make sure that we are not being deceived, we are to "test" the Spirits as scripture says. And also, scripture does talk on how fruits bear on trees; either good or bad (one way to test is seeing what kind of fruits it's bearing).

Third, I know that God had me read the book, he didn't have me read it two years ago or even a year ago (when I got married) but now because He knew that I was not ready for this kind of book.

Fourth, now back to fruits, there are GOOD fruits that have grown on my own tree and my tree of marriage. And it's a result of the knowledge, insight, and wisdom in this book that I believe was inspired by God for the author to write. Also if you look at the reviews, (not just the store ones) you will see many many many mini stories on GOOD fruit being produced in marriages as a result of reading this book. AND I did not read one review where someone tried what was taught and something other then good coming out of it. So far the only critics I see are those who don't believe what is being said.... So use your discernment, ask God! He will answer you :)

Fifth
The Bible was totally God. Not one thing was allowed in that God didn't want in.
But, this book isn't the bible. Anything that we are being taught, we should use discernment. I found very little in the end that I didn't agree with, but I will say this book is not for everyone. I would have rejected is a year or two ago. But where God has taken me in my relationship with him, I was seeking and open to all truth. So I was able to receive hard truth and not fight against it.

If you want to be all that God has for you, truly want it, then if your willing to be open minded through this book and FINISH it, I believe God will do a great work through you. The author of this book LOVES God and loves her husband and children, we were NOT created to be robots, even in our Christian sisters and brothers we will be offended and taken back at the DIFFERENCE in personalities... Scripture even says it! Offenses will come. We will need to continue to forgive. I was offended by the book, but in the end, God showed me why. It was not so much her as it was ME!

I hope this review helps. Always talk to God, don't just take my word, God Bless!
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
racialfields
If I could give this book negative 5 stars I would. I write this after the second time I have tried to get through this book. Both times have caused me more pain and emotional upheaval than I can even explain. The first time, my husband told me to throw the book out, which I did. This last time, I let a friend talk me into reading it again. After the initial couple of chapters which I felt were "helpful", the deep dark feelings of fear, condemnation and depression started to creep all over me again. Women of God - this is NOT from the Lord!!! Fear and condemnation are of our soul's enemy - Satan!! I trully believe that, whether they know it or not, the Pearls are being used of the enemy to emotionally and spiritually abuse women.

I am ashamed to even admit to my husband that I began to read this book again. But after the obvious depression and sadness I had today, he knows something is deeply wrong.

Please, please do not buy into the hype and buy this disgusting book. I wish I had the money that I threw away on it (twice!) back. Not only that, but my peace of mind and joy.
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
jessica johnson
I feel that this book is dangerous to women who are being physically or emotionally abused. The author's one chapter blurb to address this issue is irresponsible. I know women who have read the book & have stated that they are able to find some nuggets in it - and I agree, there are some. But this book places most of the moral responsibility for a husband's ungodly behavior on the wife. It also suggests that a woman was created for the sole purpose of being her husband's help meet. It uses harsh name calling and examples ("silly") that open the door for the enemy to heap condemnation and guilt on women who may be experiencing issues far deeper than them being a "silly woman". It also creates the premise of smiling and staying silent in an abusive situation. Emotional abuse is not easily seen and can cause very real, deep, and long lasting wounds. The abuser thrives on the fact that his victim will stay silent. If she is silent and never encounters others that tell her that this behavior is not normal, the abuse continues. While telling everyone is not the answer, it is best to seek wise counsel and to address the issue. This is definately not a book to be read without much discernment and without a full knowledge of Christ and His love for you.
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
irsaber
This is an excerpt from Rachel Held Evan's blogpost concerning this book. Judge for yourself.

"When I was conducting research for A Year of Biblical Womanhood, I read Debi Pearl’s popular book, Created to Be His Helpmeet…which I threw across the room a total of seven times.

The writing is awful, the biblical exegesis deplorable, but what troubles me the most is that the book reads like a manual for developing abused wife syndrome. Citing New Testament passages that instruct wives to submit to their husbands, Pearl advocates a system in which godly wives live as complete subordinates to their husbands, with no “equal rights.”

At one point, Pearl encourages a young mother whose husband routinely beat her and threatened to kill her with a kitchen knife to stop “blabbing about his sins” and win him back by showing him more respect

Sudden aggressive outbursts are part of what it means to be a man, according to Pearl. “The wisest way to handle the aggressive husband is by not taking personal offense,” she advises. “Avoid provoking him.”
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
amy rubin
I do not question Mrs. Pearl's attempts to genuinely boost marriages. But I do question her advice and theology. The style and prose she chooses in order to advise wives on how to be the right sort of Christian wife can best be described as "Jerry Springer & Oprah meets a Holy Roller."

While she is meaning to give practical advice, this book comes across more entertainment than counsel. The letters she publishes to help make her points are ridiculously ignorant and pitiful - as bad if not worse than anything you've ever seen in a "Dear Abby" column. One mother of 7 actually takes the time to write to and wait for a response from the Pearls on the matter of her 13 year old son being molested and subjected to clearly illegal activity BEFORE bothering to contact police or removing her children as far as possible away from the perverted father.

Then there's the outrageous advice to wives that if your husband cheats on you, then it is your fault because you didn't take care of him at home. This comes from a Christian to other Christians? Biblically, husbands are admonished to be to their wives as Jesus is to His bride (the church). I don't believe that Jesus ever cheated on the church and then tried to blame her for his indiscretions. The only excuse any husband ever has for adultery is pure out old selfishness and lack of self-control.

Then there's the list of things a wife should never bring up to her husband unless she wants to tear down her family/home with her own hands. Hmm. That list alone encourages wives to quit communicating respectfully and honestly with husbands. Mrs. Pearl's advice there will actually be more like a match and gasoline to a family/home than a woman using her own two hands to destroy her family/home.

If you read this book, read it with a grain of salt and some popcorn.
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
kelle
Every time that I read this book (and I have read it about six times)... I am blessed. I feel encouraged, uplifted, more thankful, more satisfied, and more at peace with my role as a woman and as a wife.
The first time I read this book it was before I was married, and it really rocked my world. I was shocked at God's design for a wife and for a marriage!!! If you have grown up in a matriarchal, or feminist household- this book will appall you- and you will probably get pretty mad at the perceived insults to your "woman power". However, if you truly have an open and humble heart for God's plan for your life- then use your Bible- look up the multitude of references... read through Scripture on your own and find your own references. Then once you have gotten over your initial shocked response, come back and read the book again. Be open to the truthful blessings and encouragement that you can find there. Try some of the practical advice given.... and see how it works.
My husband tells me that he can tell when I am reading this book... because I become so much sweeter. And I feel sweeter! I am happier and more fulfilled with God's whisperings into my ear that I am truly accomplishing what He designed me to do. When I am being filled with God's truths, it is easier to ignore Satan's constant temptations to "find personal satisfaction outside the home", or the whispers about "why is your husband not catering to your every need". The words of this book drive me to my God, and to my Bible, and fill me with joy and peace and light. I feel more beautiful and more loved!
Who wouldn't want to feel more joyful, more womanly, more loved, more fulfilled, and more useful?
I give this book as many stars as it can get for the overwhelming and continual blessing that it has been in my life, in our marriage, and in the lives of my three boys!!! Thank you Debi Pearl!!!
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
arjan deutekom
I am a God fearing, Christian woman who strives to be the wife and mother that God wants me to be but this book did not help me on that journey. Despite hearing bad things about it, I went ahead and purchased it. Mrs. Pearl seems to think that every Godly Submissive wife needs to be a doormat. I also did not take to her description of ALL mental illness as a "madness inflicted by God as a punishment." I put the book down after I read that. It only showed her ignorance.
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
leah moschella
i was just given this book as a gift for my wedding. i am also a marriage and family therapist. i would NEVER give this book to another woman. mrs. pearl says MANY dangerous things to women who are in relationships that are bordering on abusive if not downright abusive such as "keep a stiff upper lip", "limit your friendships", and a theme of being "gracious and thankful with a merry heart" leaving God to do the work. this model keeps women suffering in isolation and denying the voice the Spirit of God working in them. She doesn't want husbands to be confused, questionning themselves, lonely or have their needs go unmet, but she is entirely okay with this reality for wives.

she uses shaming and condemning language to imply that any difficulty experienced by a woman in her marriage is her own fault...that if she would just serve her husband more, she would not find herself in this place.

i am dumbfounded that she told a woman dealing with sick children in the home all day who was late with dinner for her demanding husband, that "she needed to have planned ahead and that if dinner would have been ready, her husband would have had no reason to be demanding". she excuses bad behavior, if not completely sinful behavior, of husbands as the woman's fault for creating it.

it is clear that mrs. pearl is writing this book based largely on her own opinions and her personal experience in being married to a dominant, commanding man (her words). i believe that the best, most fulfilling marriages are mutually submissive and i would encourage readers to find materials that speak to this topic.
★ ★ ★ ☆ ☆
grisel
Not to start out too strong but this book is very dangerous. It was given to me by our lovely midwife and an accompanying book by the authors husband and moth my husband and I were so sad by the content of both books. I can see where the author is trying to follow God and that part is beautiful but its like having poison among gems. So many things begin in a lovely manner but many of her understandings and beliefs are dangerous to human nature, even human nature gifted with Gods grace. The Pearls community and books are very much cult like and should be entered and/or read with caution. My husband has a BA and MA in theology and he was very concerned with much of the content especially the mans role. I do have to reinforce that there are gems present in the books as with anything coming from Holy Scripture. One thing I took away from the book was that a mother should never put her husband down in front of her children. She should encourage and honor her husband and as her children age they will see him for his true behavior themselves and their mother will come out with virtue and grace. And honestly many men will rise up to the virtue of a woman. But again, like I said there are gems among poison so read with extreme caution and with a strong and true understanding of the Scriptures so as not to go astray as so much of this book does. Blessings to you!
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
la syrena
I can't believe the current rating for this book is 4 stars. I gave it a measely one star...it does have a few good points (which can be found directly in the Bible so you don't have to bother reading this book to find them), but the majority of the book is about how evil women are, how we're the root of all marriage problems, and that if we become mindless slaves to our husbands that everything will be grand and glorious.

I'm pretty conservative, but this book makes me feel like a complete liberal and happy to be so! Debi Pearl's teachings are dangerous (advising abused women and their children to stay with their abusers, encouraging abusive attitudes in their husbands), soul-crushing (women are not to have dreams and aspirations apart from their husband's), and would put society right back into the Dark Ages.

Save yourself the money and trouble and do not buy this book. There are lots of better books out there about Christian marriage. I only made it to Chapter 21 before I had to quit reading it due to the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that it created. I am returning it to the Christian bookstore where I bought it and telling them exactly how I feel about it and advising them to no longer carry it. Terrible!
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
ramis
I am a Christian man whose wife has been severely harmed by the heavily patriarchal teachings of the Pearl family. I implore you to not buy this book. It is not representative of the spirit and truth of genuine christian faith and may hurt you and your family in the same ways it has hurt mine.
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
chelsie
I could not return this book because it would be horrible to have some poor soul pick it up and be hurt by it. I threw it away in the garbage. I then wished I would of looked at the the store reviews before I bought it. Pretty much everything negative written in the reviews is true. This book is a twisted misrepresentation of Gods will for marriage. Parts of the bible used to support Debi Pearls views are taken out of context. It upsets me that it could hinder those of knowing the true compassionate loving God that we have who gives dignity and respect toward women and all people. It is not a feminist non- feminist debate. It is the fulfillment of all Gods rules summed up in this one to " Love thy neighbor as thyself" so how much more if not your neighbor your own wife. A christian man would love his wife as his own body as Christ loves us. Please do not buy this book and if you already have please do not believe it.
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
jeff ropiequet
Help-Meet encourages women to be "whores" for the sake of their husbands. Mrs. Pearl's philosophies and twisted logic rob women of their God-given dignity and self-worth by ignoring the man's role first and foremost as leader and head of the home. She substitutes humanistic philosophies and poor logic to account for her reasoning and then attaches Biblical Scripture to try to back it up. Fear and shame tactics frequently abound in this book including various inferences that women who do not see her point of view are bitter, unforgiving, and (in her words) will end up as crazy lunatics, old and alone later in their lives (no joke!). Her book is poorly written and clearly misrepresents the understanding of Biblical submission to men as our husbands. She also overlooks the role and responsibility of the man as head of the home and family, and denies the true meaning and understanding of Biblical love- to love the Lord our God with all of our heart, soul, mind and strength, and to love our neighbors as ourselves (including our wives). Marriage is a two-way street. Both parties MUST be committed and willing for a marriage to work. The premise of this book argues that regardless of how a husband lives it is up to the woman to make the marriage work, at any cost. Her misunderstanding and misrepresentation of God's true intention indentures wives as "whore-mates" instead of "help-mates". Wishful thinking for men but completely unbiblical- pure and simple.
★ ★ ★ ★ ☆
cecilie
To start I have to say that I disagree with the 1 and 2 star *ratings* that the reviewers who gave low stars placed on the book. However, I DO agree with some of and maybe even a LOT of what they say. It is true that at times Debi Pearl makes it sound as if their interpretation is the only one. If you are deeply grounded in scripture just read past this and take from the stories the underlying Biblical principles and apply them to your marriage.

It is not true that Debi Pearl claims that failed marriages are the fault of the woman. She admits that husbands are not perfect and that carnal husbands are not Godly. Her point is that if you want your marriage to succeed you must "give up your rights" (which she clearly states you have a right to). She goes on to say if you hold on to them you'll end up in divorce. If you want your marriage to last, you must give up your rights. It doesn't make the wrongs right, it just makes the Biblical principle of humility and turning the other cheek practical to holding on to your marriage. I haven't gotten far enough to know if she tells a woman to stay in a relationship where she or her children are being physically abused. I will draw the line there.

This book will help your marriage if you desire that. Debi shares true life stories of women who are suffering in their marriages and how she counseled them. You can take the good stuff and RUN with it and throw out what you disagree with. So far I'm on chapter 7 and I have not seen anything that would cause me to think the book is directly contrary to scripture. And as a matter of fact my marriage is already better for it and so is my relationship with my teenagers!!
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
dalveyqueen
I feel this overwhelming urge to write a long, drawn-out rebuttal to every single positive review on this book. But I have concluded that anyone who is that easily controlled, confused and sold on something so clearly destructive as this book, is simply ignorant and delusional. And you can't talk sense into weak-minded people.
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
anamaria blenche
First of all, No Greater Joy ministries is one of the very few biblically correct ministries available. I encourage anyone to purchase any of their books and receive their free bi-monthly newsletter. This book is the BEST book on a godly marriage. I thought I had a decent marriage until I read this book. Now, my marriage is a miracle. It has given me new understanding to the words, "wife", "mother", "keeper at home". This is not your ordinary 'submit to thy husband book', it literally makes YOU want to change. I dont care how on the brink of divorce you are, THIS WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE!!!! Yes, it is true that Debi points out everything that the woman does wrong and not the man. But you need to keep in mind that this is a book made for WOMEN, not for the man, to help change a marriage starting with the WOMAN first. If you think that she wrote everything in this book to make women look like the culprit in all underlying problems in a marriage, you are incorrect and then you should have your husband read something from Debi's husband, Michael Pearl. He has gladly taught many a times on how a husband ought to love his wife, unconditionally, as Christ has unconditionally loved us, his church.
As for the person who said Debi is not fond of single mothers, you couldn't be more wrong! It says nothing of the sorts in this book. In fact, I came to No Greater Joy ministries as a single mother myself. I wrote Debi Pearl a question about being a single mother and she was more than gracious and very compassionate towards me. When my husband and I wrote for possible ministry opportunities, Debi suggested, among others, to find a single mother to help out with her daily struggles. You should tell the facts before you say falsehoods about people you know nothing about! Hope this review helps!
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
james monks
I have several issues with the Pearls theologically, and this book is more of that bad theology. Yes, there are nuggets of truth in this book (need to show respect toward your husband, be joyful), but you have to wade through a ton of bad stuff to get to the few nuggets of good. Here is the book in a nutshell: (1) Everything that is wrong with your marriage (abuse, infidelity, porn addition, substance abuse) is YOUR fault (2) All you need to do is smile, wink and give your spouse regular rolls in the sack (3) Once you know your "place" you will be fine (4) Welcome back the spouse who sexually abuses your children (5) Be prepared to "[allow] some abuse" according to Michael Pearl (p. 263) in order to keep the chain of authority intact. This book is full of contradictions and at times draws wild conclusions without offering one iota of scientific evidence. The acknowledgement page states that Michael Pearl "rewrote [Debi's] half-hearted second tries" -- meaning that women are receiving marriage advice from a man, rather than from a Titus 2 woman. Better and healthier books to read include Families Where Grace is in Place by Jeff VanVonderen and the upcoming Grace Based Living by Pastor Crystal Lutton.
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
renee rice
I received this book as a gift and I felt it was not relevant to my life or my marriage at all! As many others have mentioned, you have to dig DEEP to glean insightful wisdom (for example, delighting in your husband). However, I was so offended by the author's judgmental tone and seeming disregard for a wife's well-being. By reading this book, one would think a marriage is about one person and his 'assistant'--not how my husband and I think of our marriage at all!

I have no idea how this book has such a high rating as I would *never* recommend it to anyone to read. Granted, some bits (maybe a sentence or two per chapter) are worth reading, but you can get that in another, more well-reasoned and thoughtful book!
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
rand rashdan
I really do not know where to start on this one. I'll hit the systematic issues primarily. Most of this book is based on cultural preference rather than biblical principals. Her proof texts and scripture verse are typically out of context. Debi Pearl relies on what her husband says the Greek says in the Bible (some one please tell her that the O.T. was written in Hebrew and Aramaic)rather than doing the work herself. Also, her teaching women on how to make a petition to her husband is totally counter to how Matthew 18 says to deal with conflict and the whole idea of iron sharpening iron. One large concern is her reference to an abusive husband being a Mr. Commander gone wrong because of his wife!
I cannot understand how this book is circulating among mainstream evangelicals.
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
cindee bowen
This book is absolutely disgusting. Women are not second class citizens, and men aren't in charge simply because they have a penis. What a ridiculous concept. Men are not the head of the household, BOTH the man and woman are EQUAL heads of the household. At least, that's how it should be. OBEY my husband? This is not 1935. I obey my own conscience, and I obey the laws of the land. I do not and will not ever think that anyone is better than I am simply because of his gender. In my house, I earn the most money and I handle the finances. My husband means well, but simply does not have the ability to handle the finances... so I do it. I wouldn't let him do it just to pander to his ego, or let him do it just because I'm supposed to let him be in charge.

Women like Debi Pearl who advocate the beating of infants (blanket training, switching an infant) should not be listened to on ANY subject. I'm so glad that I was raised to think for myself, do things on my own, and was educated enough to do so.

I find it horrifically sad that you all have been brainwashed not only to believe that the bible, a 2,000 year old book of fairy tales, is real.. but you fall into every trap imaginable. Submissive wife? oh please. More like an infantilized caricature of humanity. A child who has CHOSEN to allow herself to be treated as a child rather than an equal. I hope your children grow up to run screaming away from your church and the ridiculous teachings you espouse.
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
sabina
I have been married for 17 years, and for the first time in years have hope of having a heavenly marriage. That is because I read this book.

Unlike many modern Christian books that come up with some new revelation and back it up with a tiny piece of scripture, Created to be his help meet actually leads you back to the Bible as the source of the wisdom the book uncovers.

It is not for the faint of heart. If you, like I, are a wife trying to run your household, you will find out exactly what God thinks about that. Then you can make the choice to change or remain the same. That's biblical. God will show you the way to life and the way to death, and He will say, "choose life," but ultimately, that is your choice.

This book talks about there being three kinds of men: a Command Man, a Visionary Man, and a Steady Man. It helps you identify which type of man you married, how to best help him to become what God wants him to be. It also makes it crystal clear that the woman's blessing comes from being her husband's help meet.

After years of struggling with and fighting my husband, I am finally learning to trust him and submit to him. I finished the book just a short while ago, and my once perpetually angry husband is bragging about me to his friends. That is nothing short of miraculous.

Read the book. Do the exercises in the book. Dare to have a heavenly marriage.
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
kalie
That book saved my marriage. I realized that when I changed my atitude to one more pleasant and treated him with respect (as I want to be treated) then he would be blessed and be more pleasant and loving tword me. And then I would be more pleasant tword him because he was loving to me. A whole cycle of good things starts.

When we are nagative, and treat our husbands like they will never amount to anything, then we shall surely get our wish. But, if we treat our husbands like the man we want them to be, they start to become that good man.

My husband could never keep a job and I dispised him for it. After I read that book, I changed the way I thought about things and changed my attatude. It took work, but I did it. My husband didn't know what hit him. And he started loving on me, because I loved him and treated him with love.

He went to back to school to study IT and got a job in a call center. He did such a good job that he just got a permotion to an IT postion and I am so proud of him. He now keeps his jobs and feels better about himself and he honors me because I am a crown to his head, and he supports me in everything I persue. I am no longer the angery or sour wife! And thank God, because I didn't like her either!

Created to be his helpmeet is a treasure!

Jessica Hoisington
[...]
★ ★ ☆ ☆ ☆
stacey roberson
I bought the book b/c I've seen so many contoversial reviews and wanted to read it for myself. To put the entire book in one sentence: A husband can do whatever the heck he wants- cheat, view porn, physically and emotionlly abuse the wife and children and they(the wife and children) must obey him, treat him like he's the best thing since sliced bread, and never, never need anything or have any feelings about his treatment of them. In my opinion, this book is just the kind of poison that Satan promotes- just enough truth to make a person stumble into his trap. Truly there are better resources out there. Don't waste your money on this book.
★ ★ ★ ★ ☆
m ryan
This is a great help! I would recommend that every wife reads it. I enjoy the author's writing style; it never gets boring or monotonous. Also, all the practical examples in the book make it so helpful. As I read the book, I found one essential aspect missing though that you should simply take note of. Being the wife God wants you to be is impossible without the power of the Holy Spirit. This book did not emphasize the fact that power to live the christian life is found in dependence on the Holy Spirit rather than a self-effort which is rooted in self-dependence.
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
joanne
If you liked this book:
Read AT LEAST ONE OF ONE of these stories of another view of this 'cult' (free to read)-[...]

And to all the Men:
As the `HEAD OF THE HOUSE'...Have you sought God guidance and plan for your family? /or have you handed over your 'Headship to another's 'vision' because you are a coward of lack the Faith that God would give you the guidance as his channel of Grace to your family?

You are the MAN-make up your own mind.....if you really love your wife;If you see her as a Breeder/Slave don't bother reading further-- Remeber Augustine's obedience when god told him to "TAKE OF AND READ"- His constant prayers/seeking/testing/ and obedienceIt was his Salvation.
MAYBE READING some of these stories may be your family's last chance' -You are the one with the responsibility for the salvation of your family---In the end God will judge you and their Blood Will Be on Your Hands; You won't be able to blame it on `obedience' to some other man's claims because you were too cowardly and faithless to seek God's guidance for yourself,

In my 55 years as a Christian and 35 years as wife, I have never seen so much cruelty and vitriol practiced towards women-wives, daughters, mothers; I DARE YOU TO READ THESE STORIES or for a bigger picture OF WHAT COMES OF YOUR ARROGANCE-Try this book---- Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
katherine sturrock
I've been reading and re-reading this book since its release almost a year ago, and I have to say that the past year has been the best of my 19 years of marriage! I have read many books on the wife's role, and although some had some helpful, biblical information, Debi's book is in a different class altogether. It is bathed in scripture, and in-your-face teaching (which, unfortunately, most of us in today's feminist culture NEED). If you are willing to hear the Lord and follow Him instead of what society teaches, it rings true, painfully true. I've followed the Pearl's wisdom on child training for years and have found blessings abounding in that area, so I was excited when Debi announced this book in their free magazine. The Lord had prepared my heart for the message through many years of trying to be a godly wife, having some short-term success, but always falling back into those subtle ways of trying to get my way and letting my husband know I didn't think too highly of him when he failed. I have to say this past year has been a total transformation! I'm not there yet-still learning how to truly delight in my husband after many years of "living parallel lives" with "my own agenda to accomplish". The fruit has been incredible-such peace, joy and fun in our home! There are those who reject the message, and I see the fruit of that in their marriages. Once you've been exposed to the truth (and have recognized the sin in your own life) the smart little comments, eye rolling, etc. that your "church friends" use on their husbands stick out like a sore thumb! The women of God have, for the most part, been guilty of submitting in word but not in deed or attitude of the heart, and it's become acceptable and expected. The truths in this book have also reached into many other areas of my life-how I relate to my kids, how I talk to and about others, my relationship with Christ, etc. I pray you will read this book with an open heart, meditating on the scriptures included, and let the Lord change you. I also listen to Mike Pearl's Bible teachings, and let me tell you, this man is in love with Jesus and is full of joy. It bubbles over to love for his family, love for the lost, and a passion to help others. God Bless!
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
ruth evelyn
There are plenty of other books out there that are uplifting and promote a HEALTHY relationship between husband and wives. My suggestion is to find those and read those. Husbands are not given a free pass in a marriage. Check out Patrick Morley and his Devotions for Couples and other books if you would like to build a strong marriage and not simply become a the authors version of what a wife should be.
★ ★ ★ ★ ☆
leonardo
I've read many, many books on marriage and I always return to this one. Debi's tips on discerning what type of man you have are very insightful. She covers the "command man", the "visionary man" and the "steady man" and how a wife can mesh with the kind of man she has. I don't agree with everything aspect of every position the Pearls take on Scripture, but this book is sound guidance for godly women desiring to be the mate God intended them to be.
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
kristin franke
Where to start with this book. I started the book having a love/hate relationship with it but ended it knowing that this book is dangerous. Many mature Christians and mature women can read it for what it is and keep it in the proper perspective, which is why, I believe, it has so many high ratings. However, for younger women and those who are new in their walk with Christ, this book could be very harmful.

There are so many problems with this book it is hard to put it all together coherently. First, husband worship is wrong regardless of what Debi Pearl states. Worshipping anything other God is a clear sin, you should never set aside God for your husband, EVER. The fact that God plays such a little role in this book is disturbing to me. Rarely is it mentioned that we serve because we were served first by a King no less, the very King of Kings. Instead we are met with repetitions of Titus 2 and every verse that tells a woman to submit to her husband. The first chapter in this book should have been, How Is Your Relationship With God?

Which brings me to my next point. Debi obviously has a political point to make. She wants to beat women over the head and bring down the feminist agenda. While I don't consider myself a feminist, I also don't feel the need to beat it down. She wants to make sure women know their place and it is BEHIND their husbands. I wonder if she would be comfortable living in the Middle East where women are required to walk behind their husbands because while she bashes the Muslims in this book, she seems to espouse most of their morals. All of this gets in the way of the real point and distracts women from the Truth.

She starts the book commanding us to be positive. Her tone throughout the book is one of moral superiority and it begins there. Be thankful for what you have. I actually liked this part of the book, while I thought her reasoning was completely wrong. I have a tendency to be negative and not count my blessings.

The entire rest of the book was one large threat. If you do not obey your husband and allow him to control you then you will get divorced and be living in a trailer. This threat hangs over us the entire rest of the book. There is no room for grace and mercy or even God's love in this book because there is either follow Debi's methods or end up in divorce at the worst, best case would be bitter and unhappy. This false dichotomy could discourage a lot of women.

Where it starts to get dangerous is in the department of abuse. According to Debi, it is a woman's sacred duty to endure abuse as long as it doesn't "cross a line." Since that line seems rather unclear and stories of a women being physically assaulted and then using their feminity to turn their men's hearts back to God are rampant throughout the book, it leads me to believe that they don't consider abuse significant but rather blame feminism for abuse. Going so far as to state that it didn't exist before 1960 simply because they didn't know about any divorce or abuse in either of their families growing up. Simply because they didn't know about it doesn't mean it didn't exist, it simply was not spoken of. There is nothing Biblical about suffering abuse, even the apostles often left when danger presented itself.

Another large problem with this book is it speaks about giving up control to your husband but then goes on to talk about how to get your husband to love you. While I understand her intent, you can only control your part in the marriage and if your marriage is unhappy, work on the areas you can to fix it, it comes across instead as being manipulative and controlling, using your feminine wiles to get what you want. I don't think that this is healthy for a marriage even if on the surface it seems more Biblical. She speaks to causing your husband to love you, this is definitely not Biblical. You can't make anyone love you, if your husband is not following his command to love you for whatever reason, there are things you can do to make it easier but you can't make someone love you. Love is intended to be unconditional, Debi puts a conditional spin on it that will discourage young wives from feeling secure in their marriage. Instead she has scared them, going so far as to say that unless you behave a certain way you don't deserve his love. That is WRONG...UNBIBLICAL and WRONG!

Where she uses scripture, she often takes it out of context and refers only to scripture that discusses the woman's place, discarding any other instructions or any other evidence that a woman may have other callings besides being a wife and mother. She points to Miriam as a woman who we remember in infamy because she stood against Moses, completely neglecting the fact that Aaron stood with her. She talks about Bathsheba as being the instigator in the affair with David, which isn't anywhere in the Bible. All of this leads into her summation that only women create cults, which is both Biblically wrong and historically wrong. There were many so called Messiahs in the New Testament that Paul and the other Apostles came across and modern cults have often been instigated by men, David Koresh, Jonestown, and others come to mind. There are plenty of good points to be made on women's roles, using flawed Biblical backing only serves to diminish their point.

She also exalts her husband for being a leader, discussing how he demands to be served. This she holds up and holds him up as being above other men. She seems to forget that Jesus himself said that he who puts himself first will be last before God. While Michael may have issues with putting himself first, Debi exalting this behavior is contrary to God's Word.

Finally, Debi Pearl obviously has little experience with psychology or mental health. She makes several amazingly erroneous points. First, she claims that divorce leads to lesbianism. No matter where you stand on homosexuality, this is patently untrue. There has never been a study conducted that has shown divorced women more frequently turn to lesbiansim. Making this point, again diminishes her overall purpose of the book. Second, she claims that women over forty who haven't obeyed their husbands are more prone to depression because of not obeying their husbands. Again, I am curious where she gets this information. While there have been studies that show older women are less happy than their male counterparts, it is extremely presumptuous to contend that this is because they haven't obeyed their husbands. More likely it is because of the changing hormones, children leaving the house, and a variety of other reasons. While making this claim she also states that her hormones remain the same through life and her husbands change. This is biologically incorrect. Women's hormones change continuously throughout her life, and make a significant change at menopause. To use this inaccurate information to further her point that women are to blame for their own unhappiness is silly. Third, she does not understand depression, anxiety disorder, or any other psychological problem does not occur because a woman has failed in her duties to her husband. Psychological problems are like any other health issue, there are a variety of causes and there are treatments. it isn't a switch you can flip and fix, it often times takes years of therapy to correct some of these problems. This recommendation is dangerous to women who have serious mental health issues.

Overall, this book is misleading, negative, and, in my estimation, unscriptural. Husband worship is wrong, no matter what kind of Biblical spin you put on it. If you can read it with a mature focus on Jesus as our Lord and Savior, there are some good points to be made but otherwise, please stay away from this book.
★ ★ ★ ★ ☆
tudzz
It is funny to me that either people give it 5 stars or 1. This book obviously reaches out to people in a very passionate way!

She is talking about something that women find hard to do with all the ways we have been taught to "take care of ourselves" "become career women" "do it all". The truth is, if we are focused on our careers then we take focus off our spouse. I am a cosmetic denist with a thriving, busy career and realized that I couldn't do it all when my marriage was falling apart. This book made me realize that life isn't about me, it is about taking care of the blessings in my life, as we all should.

The basic principal of the book is TAKE CARE OF YOUR HUSBAND BEFORE YOURSELF AND HE WILL TAKE CARE OF YOU! PUT OTHERS BEFORE YOURSELF AND GOD WILL BLESS YOU! What could possibly be argued with in that principal? How can that possibly be wrong? Isn't that the basic christian rule? IF WE EXPECT ALL THESE THINGS OUT OF OUR HUSBANDS, WHY IS IT WRONG TO SUPPORT AND TAKE CARE OF HIM? GOD MADE THEM VERY NEEDY PEOPLE!

I have a hunch that the people that have a hard time with this book don't realize how much it affects them and reaches to them in an area that they don't want to be reached. If you have humility, this book will give you some ideas on how to take care of that man of yours better than you do today, and I have seen how it has helped my marriage hugely and quickly. Our men want to love us and take care of us, our pride gets in the way of being lovable women.

I feel like the author really beats it into the pages, a little brutally at times, but she does get your attention. Take the brutal parts with the wonderful ideas and improve your marriage.

I just got a 3 carat canary diamond out of the principals of that book and my husband would do anything for me now that i am a better, more lovable wife that supports him for Gods good, not mine or his.

READ THE BOOK AND LEARN FROM IT. I THINK IT IS GREAT, HARD TO PUT INTO DAILY LIFE SOMETIMES BUT THE REWARDS ARE GREAT!
★ ★ ★ ★ ☆
steven hartman
I would caution anyone writing a negative review of this book to check their own temperature and ask why am I so worked up??? I personally am wisely cautious about some of the advice that is somewhat based more in doctrinal interpretation than actual biblical interpretation. If you have to go to the KJV in order to get the right wording than perhaps you should be careful on your personal interpretation of old english.
That said the proof is in the pudding now isn't it. Is she and her husband happily married and are their children??? Are people who follow their advice happier as a result. Is your way currently serving you well and is your husband happy, or constantly walking on eggshells to not set you off. I think most women and most marriages would be well served to take a look at this book.
And I am sorry Ladies but if truth be known most divorces were birthed in our own bad additudes. Yes, there are some men out there that are just plain evil and that is addressed in this book to a very small degree. They have even advised women to turn their husbands in to the authorities.
If you or your husband are less than happy in your marriage or even with life in general do read this. It is more about positive thinking, gratitude, and understanding the way God made men. A Marriage run as a 50/50 partnership is not very happy. A woman who cheerfully gives a decent man 100% is likely to get 150% in return. These are the biblical principals addressed and as with anything use common sense try it out and pray about it.
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
judson
Every woman should have a copy of this book and apply the wisdom contained in it... Debi is amazing, BRAVE and SUBMISSIVE wife who treats her husband as her earthly lord, and teaches others to... Life changing experience!!! I bought a whole box of this book to give out as presents, that's how much I loved it!
Warning: you might be convicted with every new page... truth!
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
annika duurland
I hope this can help someone out there seeking an answer. I have been helped by Debi Pearl's book but it came into my hands late into my journey in seeking wisdom about being a wife. Perhaps I was ready for this book by the time I recieved it. I found very similar Biblical advice from Linda Dillow in her book "Creative Counterpart". They both agree however their writing style is different and and they overlap and compliment each other. Because I had read Creative Counterpart first I was open to what Debi had to say which was more direct. Yes, my mind works funny haha. (In other words: I've been hard headed and afraid that being a submissive wife meant being a doormat. But the fact of the matter was my marriage was not happy and I did not have joy.)

What really spoke to me is that there are women out there that feel they are more superior spiritually, morally and intellectually than their husbands. Okay, fine, but you will most likely end up in divorce. You can keep your high moral ground and drive your marraige into the ground while you are at it.

In Mark 10:45 it says: For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many."

and in Matthew 16:25 it says: For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it.

The fact is there will be no marrying in heaven. Jesus said to seek first the Kingdom of God and HIS RIGHTEOUSNESS.

For a believer marriage is the ideal training ground for righteousness for both the husband and wife. God will use the marriage to perfect us and prepare our character for His Glory. Wives you need an eternal perspective, because if you desire to spend eternity with Jesus Christ then you will want to please Jesus here on earth and trust Him with your life.

Debi Pearl takes the eternal perspective. Does that mean we are to live miserably in order to be good Christians?

Haha! If I were a "good Christian" I would never have been searching for books to help me find a way to improve my marriage!!!! Or How to improve myself as a wife! or to teach me "How to be HAPPILY married" and on and on...................

The fact is if you surrender to God, and HIS principals you will be in good hands! I was miserable and I thought I'd have to suck up my misery because I would not divorce. But God had other plans! He didn't want me to live in a miserable marriage!!! He wanted me to have an abundant life, a joyful life and a peaceful life.

Surrender to Him was the answer. He has proven Himself trustworthy and He has gained my trust and He helps me to surrender to Him daily. When it's hard, He gives me the strength to choose Life.
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
joanieblefari
I am on my second time reading thru "Created to Be His Help Meet." The book is AMAZING. I have always known that the Bible says I am to submit to my husband, but never fully understood what that meant until now. Debi frankly and simply leads you thru scriptures into realizing your God-given role as a wife.

I have already ordered many more books and have about a dozen other ladies hooked on it.

I know there are some nasty reviews for this book, and if you pick it up and skim thru it, yes, it seems harsh. However, when read from cover to cover, it all makes sense.

I (as well as several other of my good friends) have been putting these principles into practice and cannot believe the difference it has made in our marriages! We have testimonies that are unbelievable of how God has worked in our lives and our husbands'. They are now (slowly) taking over the leadership in our homes - something we have been praying for for years - but (without realizing it) not allowed them to do.
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
lisa kelsey
This book calls us to be TRUE women of God. The kind that has given her life to Jesus and is detrmined to serve Him with abandon. Matthew 16:25: "For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it." It offers practical examples of how to serve and obey Jesus by serving others, specifically starting with our husband. Debi Pearl will not sugar coat the truth to stroke your ego or carefully step around your self-centeredness. She will not sympathize with your disappointed and rebelious heart. Instead she will show you the path to a joyful, fulfilling, Christ centered marriage, whether your husband is a godly man or not. If you want to do marriage YOUR way, if you will not be happy unless circumstances line up with what YOU think they should be, then you will not enjoy this book, and in fact be offended by it. However, if you are so in love with Jesus that you would do ANYTHING for Him, well then, you will see miracles happen in your marriage.
★ ★ ★ ★ ☆
joana
This book is a tough-love teaching that draws from her own experience and the Bible, and I have always loved it. But you have to read it, as with ALL books Christian or otherwise, with discernment. The Bible is the only infallible book in this world. All others are flawed, even ones that are based on the Bible, because even saved human beings are still only in the process of becoming perfect - they're not there yet. It is also important to keep the perspective that marriage is 100/100, not 50/50. This book is for women...so it talks about how a bad marriage is 100% the wife's fault. It talks about everything the WIFE can do, in her role, for a marriage. Why would it talk about what the husband can do? You can't control anyone else but yourself in life. I mean, who will you answer for at judgment day - your husband? God won't say "Oh, your husband was evil, so it's okay that you were too." A book for husbands should be equally bold about how a bad marriage is 100% the man's fault, and talk only about what HE can do. That principle is the most powerful one I have taken away from this book.
In short, this is a powerful book with a lot of scriptural truth and a lot of plain old advice from experience. I get a lot of good advice from my grandma that is very similar - tough-love, bold, unashamed, focused on the wife's part of the blame (aka, the wife's role...hint hint), and based on years of experience. With my grandma and this book and any other book and any other person, you have to use discernment. Let the Holy Spirit show you what is good and what is flawed.
But overall, this book has a lot of good - and even the flaws gave me opportunities to think about why each opinion was wrong and to search out God's opinion on the matter.
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
malarie zeeks
I don't understand when the wife with sick children and who is sick herself is at fault when her husband comes home and berates her for not having the house clean and his dinner made. While he was most likely sitting in a quiet office, she was running all over with vomiting children and probably vomiting herself. I don't know...my husband didn't even like this book.
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
ricky alcantar
Debi specifically says that women's only role is be a helpmeet for me. Did you catch that? ONLY role. If you're an adult woman and you're not married, your life is pointless. And Debi tries to make women think this what God has to tell them.

Debi encourages women to stay with their husbands even if they are being abused! Women are to obey their husbands IN ANYTHING (except doing something illegal, watching porn, or having anal sex). This is ridiculous. In fact, she tells women not to even question their husbands. Period.

Debi tells women that they must have sex with their husbands at least every three days or so, or their husbands will cheat, and naturally so. This sounds remarkably similar to Afghan law which says women must have sex with their husbands every few days, and can't refuse.

In summary, THIS BOOK TEACHES WOMEN TO BE DOORMATS. This is AWFUL. Women are equal to men, and have equal rights, but Debi doesn't seem to know this!
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
dawn white
This book changed my life and my marriage. Although I know the Pearls can be hard to swallow sometime because they aren't afraid to share their opinions with the world, I love how honest she is about what she sees around her. I teach this book alongside Martha Peace's the excellent wife to young wives and mothers.
I recommend reading Created first, because it deals mostly with the wife's role ALONE. Then we move on to the Excellent Wife so that we can address the husband's role alongside it. A lot of women aren't ready to accept the truths in this book, hence all the critical reviews. You have to not be afraid of biblical patriarchy. You have to not be afraid of the word "submitted," and you have to be ready and willing to lay down your life for your family. Every single time I pick up Created, I'm moved to tears by how God's truths have changed my life. I cannot thank Debi enough. This should be a gift to every wife, every where.
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
cara long
I find it SO sad that God's word could be twisted into the message of this book. I've never read a "Christian" book that was so one sided. The basic premise...If you are a woman, it is YOUR responsibility to make your husband happy. It doesn't matter if your husband is emotionally and physically abusive and/or distant... If the woman basically behaves as a "Stepford Wife" all will be well. The book states that a husband does NOT have to defer or revere his wife. It is NOT his responsibility to be the wife's HELPER. That is the woman's job. A woman is not to be "idle" or away from the home "in spirit". Talking on the telephone and using the computer (such as I am doing NOW) are frowned upon. A woman's time is better spent making the home a "sanctuary" for her husband... I am thankful that MY husband respects me as a human being!! I am NOT just a servant for him without needs of my own. I was once told this..."Woman was made from Adam's side...not his head where she could 'rule' over him or his feet that she could be 'walked on' by him...but from his SIDE (rib) so they could walk SIDE by SIDE... I do not recommend this book...especially for women with codepency, addiction, or self esteem issues...
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
alan fadling
What a book!
A friend recommend that I read this book. I think he wanted to challenge some of my own ideas and opinions. He did.
I began reading and cringed as I read some of the recommendations. I thought "what the author is recommending is putting some readers and their children at unnecessary risk of abuse."
I researched comments about the book, Michael and Debbi Pearl, and No Greater Joy Ministries. I read the verses and chapters quoted in the Bible. I then continued reading the book right through to the end. The research took more time than reading the book!
Yes the book definitely challenged my beliefs and opinions. I can now see that abuse can sometimes be cured simply by giving care and love.
I personally would love to see this book rewritten in a way that separates the person from the person's behaviour. Some of the labels the author has used seem very disrespectful and tend to hold the persons so labeled in the same destructive patterns. "pig". I recommend against following any of the author's example of labeling your husband. The person is to be loved, respected and served. I believe that the impact of any behaviour is to be communicated. Yes, gentle loving communication could be used much more often. I firmly believe there are times when strong commanding communication is called for. It is more honest and more effective, especially when immediate action seems to be called for.
It has been my experience that some people read material like this book and they become downtrodden as a result. Others become more respectful loving and reap the rewards.
I warn potential readers of the risk of becoming isolated from loving supportive people, friends and family by attempting to literally follow what they read in this book. On the other hand our loving well meaning friends may want to protect us from the very experiences that we need to learn and grow. You would need to read the whole book to find all the author's important recommendations for the welfare of your children, and your own wellbeing.
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
dhanny
I had read many reviews, both positive and negative, about "Created to Be His Help Meet", and wanted to check for myself whether what this book's critics said was true, and whether the book had any value as a guide to having a good marriage. Sadly, pretty much everything the negative reviewers say is true ... and even they have not mentioned all the problems that this book has.

Some of the other reviewers have detailed Debi Pearl's lack of grace in her responses to letter writers, and Michael's and Debi's possibly dangerous advice to women who are in abusive situations. I found those statments in the book, but noticed some other problems as well. The first is a sort of crudeness of speech in regards to marital activities. One scenario, involving an imagined set of orders from Adam to Eve, just left me saying "EEEWW!"...and I am a married woman! The book would have been better had statements like that been left out.

The second, and I believe more serious problem, is the brazen and ineptly-done proof-texting that Debi engages in throughout the book. The advice that she gives is based on verses from Genesis 2(Eve being created from Adam's rib) and 1 Corinthians 7(verses 12-16, which deal with believing spouses being married to unbelieving ones). Debi seems to set up a conundrum where the wife is viewed as being a creation of man, and not of God.(in direct contrast to Genesis 1, where "male and female He created them") This "creature of man" is then expected to bring her unbelieving husband into a state of salvation by her perfect submissive behavior. This idea is nowhere mentioned or elaborated on in 1 Corinthians 7; in fact, the _certainty_ of the unbelieving spouse's salvation is nowhere guaranteed. Also, each spouse is meant to help each other to reach Heaven -- and the examples that Debi gives for the wife's job seem awfully one-sided! Because these two statements, among others, struck me as being a bit odd, my husband and I read these verses in several different versions of the Bible, along with the surrounding text and commentaries.
None seemed to match what was being said by Debi in the book.

There are so many problems with this book that I cannot recommend as a guide to married women. The Bible itself is a much better source of guidance in this regard, and I can recommend it wholeheartedly! I also found Msgr. Cormac Burke's "Covenanted Happiness", Genevieve Kineke's "The Authentic Catholic Woman", and Dr. Alice Von Hildebrand's "The Privilege of Being a Woman" very helpful to understand my role as a married woman under the guidance of Christ.
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
reshmi sajeesh
*Warning* This book is for the experienced Christian woman. If you have not been a devoted Christian for several years Do Not Read This Book. Personally, I have been married for 27 years and this book has helped me to deepen my relationship with my husband in a profound way. I did not find the tone of the book 'harsh', as some have said here. I thought it was very loving, but watch out! it certainly is convicting.

I was raised in a feminist home. I have struggled with my husband for many years wanting to have control of what happens in our lives. I have been trying to correct my attitude for about 8 years with some success. But this book really opened my eyes and helped me to see who he really is and who I should be.

The book does have some errors, but as a knowledgeable Christian they can be breezed by and the 'meat' of the book can be taken in. And if you let it, it can really improve the fundamental way you look at your husband. Mrs. Pearl reveals much about the inner workings of the male psyche and I found it to be a life changing book. FOR THE BETTER!

BTW (by the way), my husband is much happier too. And isn't that the true litmus test?

Also, it felt like a fast read because the subject was so intriguing, but you do have to stop and do a self-check once in a while, so it is best to read it over a few days.

May God Bless you and your marriage as you work to become a better wife.
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
tristy
I am proof this book is correct! the minute I started living what she tells you to do in this book my marriage flourished. Most women don't want to read it because they don't want to put in the effort it takes to make the change! It doesn't line up with their day to day activities so they bash it and knock the women who have put it to good use. Shame in these lazy lost women. I love this book it is truth and I want to give it to every women I know and to every stranger I see in the streets.
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
blake
I may be single but I read this book and found it held a VAST treasure store of wisdom, truth, and helpful insights!! Debi Pearl encourages women how to love their husbands by humbly showing us how we can change our thinking for the better and make a marriage glorious!! Who wouldn't want a wonderful marriage? It takes two to tango and Debi Pearl simply takes us women on a journey of discovery of how to master our dance steps so the lovely waltz of marriage can be fluid and enjoyable! I can see her heart in this book. She sees women as unique, one of a kind human beings who have a huge part in marriage and wield a powerful force in making a marriage soar or crash. We can't change the men we marry or are married to, but we can change ourselves. I have seen this book create glorious marriages where only pain and heartache was. This book is a life changer!!!!!!!!!!!!!
★ ★ ★ ★ ☆
steinie73
Just finished (a feat in itself for me!) "Created to Be His Help Meet" by Debi Pearl. Wow. A very challenging and important book. I'm so glad God led me to pick it up last week! I wish every wife would read it. Satan would really love for each of us to get mad and discouraged and find any reason at all to slam it shut in frustration and never finish. Judging by previous reviewers, many have done so. Too bad!

I have seen first hand the truths Debi lays out in her book and scripture study. So many of these scenarios have played out in front of my eyes in my own marriage and those around me. This book was an easy read for my busy days, and I'm so pleased it even had some simple, practical, but highly needed tips to help me carry out my eight core responsibilities. It's like the training and wisdom I missed out on from my own mom. Thanks, Debi, for the courage to write and offer this book of hard truths. May you be blessed.

Savannah in AZ
[...]
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
nasim
For those truly wishing to discover the root theology used by Ms. Pearl to undergird these ideas, Google the article "Learning to become a Multi-colored Girl", available on the NoGreaterJoy website.
In this article, Ms. Pearl states, "Woman is created in the image of man and is, therefore, more flexible..." And if there is any doubt as to whether or not she really believes this theologically, she states, "I have come to see that tiered process as very significant, making it consistent with nature that the woman should be the helper in the chain of command." Genesis 1:27 actually says, "And God created man in his own image. In the image of God created He him. Male and female created He them." This would indicate that *both* male and female are created "In His image."
Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, but no one is entitled to their own facts. This is especially true for those of us who base our lives on scripture.
A golfer whose stance is just 15 degrees to the right at the tee may seem fine to his audience. It is only after the swing is complete and the ball shows up 150 feet to the right of the hole that we consider what actually went wrong. I feel the same is true with Ms. Pearl's teachings. As they are birthed from theology that is so obviously in error, I have difficulty believing that *any* conclusions could be accurate. Taken to the extreme, they are downright damaging to the women who immerse their minds in them.
This would include the book being reviewed, which I have read and am reluctant to award even one star.
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
jithu pettan
This book was written to wives. It wasn't written to the men. She has no business telling us how lousy our men are and condemning them for all the ungodly things they do. (there is none righteous, no not one...) That was never the purpose of this book. It was written to give us a different perspective from what we have been fed all our lives. Marriages all over america are failing because people are giving up with out knowing how to fix what is broken. They don't even know what broke it! She encourages wives to fight for their men and to remember the joy we had in the begining. She can't remove the faults from our men, but she can give us a mirror to see ours! Then she shows us how to really make a radical change in our marriage. And to be honest, it works! I was a very bitter woman, and said plenty to make sure my hubby knew what a jerk he was. I believe another woman in a post called it "keeping him accountable." But i am only a woman, not the Holy Spirit. It is not my job to hold his faults in front of his face each day until he sees them and makes the necessary changes to please ME. Isn't that selfish? 1 Corinthians tells us all about what love is. It's not selfish, and it doesn't remember wrongs done. I'd much rather let all manner of sin go, and let God do the convicting, and enjoy a happy man each evening than tell him "all about it" and have a husband who'd rather work late then come home to me. Joy came for me when i decided to let GOD be GOD, and get busy being that help meet God CREATED me to be. I was made for a purpose. To build up my man, serve him (not like a slave, but just doing nice things because i am madly in love with him and i want my love to show through my actions)And now that i'm living that purpose, i am free from unhappiness, free from selfishness, and free to enjoy all the laughter that fills my home as my hubby and i enjoy each other's company each day. So Jesus did set this captive free!! I'm not a doormat either. Now that i honor my man, and have acknowledged him as the head of our home, God has grown him! Everything i told him he ought to be doing because the Bible says the man is the head, he is NOW DOING all on his own. He is now a sunday school teacher, men's ministry leader, awana commander, about to get his bachelors degree from Liberty!!! When i reverenced him, he got the confidence to become more of what God wanted him to be! Now he comes to me for advice, and for my opinion on this matter and that. He adores me! He cherishes me. And i cherish him. This book showed me how to go from a horrible marriage, to the best thing ever! Even our 3 kids know how much we love each other, and our oldest (6) wants a marriage just like ours. And i hope she gets it!

This book took me step by step to the AMAZING, WONDERFUL, and JOYFUL marriage i have today. Also, there book To Train Up a Child has taught me how to have happy children that love each other, help each other and listen very well. Their views are new, could be called radical, but boy, do they work for our family!! :)
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
jason c
The author is either a mistreated poor wife who is seeking the miserable company of others to help her feel better, or she is being brainwashed into really believing that women are to blame for every "evil" in this life. Both are a possibility of this author Mrs. Pearl. After reading the first few chapters, where she blames a woman for not making her husband happy enough- resulting in his "emotional affair", I was compelled to return the book to the lender and say "If you have so little respect for yourself as a woman and wife, no one else will either!" This is how I feel about the author- sorry to say!
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
hyun
I'll be honest. I haven't read this book, but just the title gives me chills. Somehow, I believe they are intentionally using the wrong word for a woman. When Michael Pearl, an obvious misogynist, calls his "wife" his help meet, I can't help but think he spells it "meat" instead.
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
sefdavis
This book is phenomenal! As I read, I applied these things to my life. It has helped changed my marriage for the good. There has been a complete change in my marriage. This book is truly an eye opener, I will admit a lot of what the author writes was very hard to swallow. I am so thankful my tribe leaders wife recommened this book to me. After i finished reading the book all I could say was "WOW". My husband has noticed the change in me and he has changed as well. God has blessed our marriage even more because of this.
People don't like this book because it is hard to take in and society has changed womens thinking and has caused their minds to think the world. Scipture says come out from among them and be ye seperate.
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
karina thorlund
There are only a few good points Debi Pearl shared in this book. But as I read, I realized why they had to publish it themselves. No one else would touch this book.

Many of the reviewers have already written how I feel (the ones who thought this book was dangerous and written for wives to be doormats to their husbands).

But there is one section of the book I MUST write about. It is on page 163 and it gives wives a sample dialog that she suggests:

WIFE: "What can I do to help you, Adam?"

HUSBAND: "Pick up the other end of that log, and help me move it over here."

W: "What should my next project be, Adam?"

H: "Have my dinner ready every evening, and take good care of my little ones."

W: "That is a very strong fence you are building, and the gate looks nice. I am so proud of you, Adam. What would you like now?"

H: "Take your clothes off real slow so I can watch...Yeah, you're a fine help meet."

I was so grossed out when I read that. And she calls herself a Christian? This woman and her husband are sick. This degrades women and our role in marriage. Please do not buy this book. I threw it right out as if it were crawling with maggots.
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
anthony suso
After reading the other reviews of this book I guess you either love it or hate it!!! I loved it, this book really opened my eyes to my first ministry unto my God. God's plan for marriage has not changed and a womans FIRST ministry is toward her husband, don't miss this first ministry. The book does seem to narrow what we modern christian women think we should be doing. If we fail in our first ministry to our husbands and children then what good would all the other stuff be? This book has a lot of wisdom and practical help. (And yes there is a whole lot to the other side...a book laying out the responsibilities of a husband would be easily twice as thick, but this book is written to women on the subject of her responsibilities, it is not written to men) I would recommend it highly.
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
pavel
I was so so naive to buy into the teachings in Created to be His Help Meet by Debbie Pearl. It fostered a mentality that if you become a doormat, you'll have a great marriage and possibly save your man. She cleverly crafted scriptures taken out of context, and put together to Bible-beat women into making themselves nothing. She reinforces her teaching with fear tactics that traumatized me psychologically and caused me to behave in such a way that my imperfect husband became spoiled. I tried to wear a fake smile and trick myself but it caught up with me one day when I had to go outside and beat a tree and pray for several minutes because I feared homicide. I knew that at best the way I tried to apply her book to my situation was very, very wrong. I even told myself clearly the devil is using my "command" man as a "thorn" in my flesh. I told him what was going through my mind and he told me I must tell him when he is hurting me emotionally (He had been the class clown and bully of sorts in school.) because he's like a kid. He claims to be saved. However, when I asked him if the Holy Spirit never told him what he was acting like was wrong he said no. Then I kinda knew if God allowed me to go through this when I was only trying to serve Him then I needed to stop and think further. Were my actions manipulative? Yes. My motives were partly selfish. Ultimately I said Jesus, these actions are filthy rags and it led to a homicidal demon to try to overtake me. I didn't really pick up the book again.
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
millie west
I agree with the multiple one star reviews. Ironically, one of the author's first chapters is about being a woman of joy, but the subsequent chapters are anything but joyful to read. There is some excellent wisdom hidden beneath the negativity, blame, and self-imposed guilt, but I wouldn't waste my time reading to try and find it.
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
michael cammarata
buy the book, turn off your FLESH (let it burn), dial back the criticism, eat the meat and spit out the bones, and let Debi do her job. this book saved my CAN from a messload of trauma from lack of understanding what it actually means to honor (anyone, but especially) my husband. I read this book and got revelation. NOW, my husband's got my back, and i can usually always get what i want or need out of him without resorting to manipulation, which isn't the goal, but what i found to be a great side-effect of honoring my man with a right heart. (gotta ask GOD for that part, though). I finally know why the WORLD wants us to *get ours* and be *the man* - cause it will freakin' kill us and force us into using ungodly manipulaiton and control and feeling like false martyrs all the time. so SPRINT the other direction, read this book and pass it on if you want to help your girlfriends who b!tch about thier man all day... :)
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
sarah bouchard
I am a newly married young woman, honestly seeking to trust God and be the best wife I can possibly be for the amazing, wonderful husband that I have. I made it part way through this book before breaking down in tears. I felt so condemned. It wasn't conviction or encouragement - I was completely devastated. I am an outgoing girl, not the doormat Debi Pearl seems to be advocating. This book caused me to doubt my ability to be a good wife. I expected my husband to look at me, say "You can't do this!" and leave me after reading half of this book!

Thankfully, my husband loves me completely. I love him completely. We both are trying to be God's love personified to each other. That's what we need to know. That's what we need to live in. My husband told me to throw the book away because it was so destructive to my way of thinking. It was such a relief.

... and my marriage is glorious (despite having never finished this book!)
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
ehsan seratin
This book was an answer to prayer for me. I've been married for 11 years and in that time I had slowly built up feelings of resentment and bitterness towards my husband over typical marriage and family issues. I grew up with a mother who had also felt this way towards my father and showed it very verbally throughout the years of their marriage. When he passed away 2 years ago she was left with much regret over the way she treated him. Myself and all of my siblings understood why she felt the way she did at times but every one of us agrees that we hated the way she reacted to him with such anger and disrespect. Especially because, in spite of his faults, he was a very good man and husband to her.
My point to all of this is that I was heading down the same road in my own marriage and I didn't want that for my marriage or my children. After reading this book I feel such freedom in knowing what my role should be as a wife. (And that isn't a doormat.) This book has taught me how to react to my circumstances and how to change myself instead of trying to be my husband's conscience.
I never thought she cut down single moms. She does talk about what life is like for many single moms, which I don't think most would argue with who have friends that are single mothers. But she never "trashes" single mothers. And when she addresses a single mother's situation she is talking about a wife who has left her marriage through her own stubbornness and not an innocent wife who is left by her husband with no say in the matter.
Some have said that she blames everything on the woman but if you read the whole book and other writings from her you will see that that is simply not true. In fact, on page 29 of this book she responds to one of the letters she received from a woman whose husband was having an emotional affair with his secretary with this comment, "I am not suggesting that this is your fault, that you are the cause of your husband's sin. I am just warning you that if you really, honestly want to win your husband back to yourself, you must change your game plan." She talks in other places in the book about a husband not deserving the wife's reverence or her love for that matter but that God has called us to a higher plane of love and forgiveness." She clearly acknowledges that a man can be a real "first class worm" but she teaches us how to respond in a Godly way. I found her frankness to be comical and refreshingly honest.
She never condones abuse of a wife or the children and believes in turning them in to authorities.
She encourages busy mother's and wives to "... read the Scriptures just a few minutes here and there throughout the day, meditate on what you read as you work. Sing unto the Lord. Don't allow the 'lonely women's club' mentality to sweep you away from your role as a wife and mother."
She is speaking to women and so, of course, she is directing her advice to women not to men. She says herself that it is her husband's job to speak to the men not hers.
I guess there will always be people who will read a book like this, so very frank and to the point, that will not like what they read. But many of the negative reviews that I read took much of what was said in the book out of context and they misunderstood much of what was written in the book.
There were a few things that are briefly touched on in the book that I did not agree with. But I don't think I have even one friend, Christian or not, that I agree with on everything. But as far as the main subject of the book, I believe that Mrs. Pearl has hit the nail on the head and for some, it is hard to take.
I plan to write to Mrs. Pearl and thank her for her part in saving my marriage and giving me back a love and respect for my husband that I didn't think was possible.
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
david jay
Ladies just remember that when you read this book Debbi is talking ONLY TO YOU! Not men at all. She makes no excuses for their not-so-kind actions or unfairness but gives us the tools to still be loving and do our part despite it.

Ladies the main idea you need to keep in mind is to make sure you spend time getting to know the character of your husband , to see if he is the right person for you, the husband that will have a deep serious relationship with god before all, I have to tell you this" don't get married in a hurry" get to know the character of your husband first""""", if he has a bad character. Remember he will treat you the same way he treats the people around him, if he treats people around badly pray ,and look for guidance before you commit to the marriage, Don't marry the man if he does not have a relationship with god. instead work on reading books and going to couple meeting and before marriage look a marriage preparation course in a respected church, But if god puts in your heart that he is the man, and you make that commitment to be with him, then follow this books and god will be with you and god will honor you, for honoring god and your husband

Our culture has deceived and redefined women into being something they were never created to be. This book tells the WHOLE truth about why we were created, what our roles and responsibilities are, how to get out of the rut you're in (or better yet for engaged couples, don't get into it!), and why it truly is satisfying to be 100% female. This book will help wifes freed from the bondage of unreasonable expectations and dancing to a tune wifes were never meant to dance to. You will either love this book, or hate it, depending on how soft your heart is to what God calls you to do as a woman designed by Him. It's all about humility vs pride, self-righteousness vs teachability. You'll only hate it if you don't understand.

The story about the trash is my fav example of this. Yes it was wrong for Michael to just leave his trash lying on the ground for Debbi to pick up but his wife KNOWS him. His pride was hurt and rather than making a big stink about it and possibly ruining the day. She smiled and picked it up. She chose to let-it-go! How wonderful! It is only trash! And in Michael's own way he made it right. we are called to obedience in Christ no matter how we are treated. There are no excuses. all husbands will answer to God, it is not the job of the wife to convict them. I think that is what she is trying to get across. She is pretty harsh but I actually found it a bit refresshing in such a sugar coated fuzzy christian world.
God Bless
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
ashley williams
I guess it depends on your frame of reference, your personality type, the way you view yourself, your husband, the world, and who God really is, to some degree.

A lot of women in these reviews as well as women I know were falling all over themselves to get a copy of this book. When someone gave me one I could not wait to get it out of the house after I'd read it.

A few good points. The best was her breakdown of the 3 types of men. Mine is definitely a steady and I intend to remember, pray about and learn more about my man and how to be the best wife to him.

Ms. Pearl speaks with a chilling lack of compassion, and I am hard pressed to find grace anywhere in her teaching. Some women are apparently not bothered by this; others for whatever reason don't even appear to notice it. If chauvanistic men (and women), bad marriages and mean husbands really get on your nerves, find another book.
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
myrna des
I am not a Christian woman reading this book. I am actually a Muslim. I wasn't at all reading this for biblical content although much of what the bible says about women and family life if also true in Islam. The content was well written, blunt, and honest. I appreciated the many examples she gives and she showed me a very different way of seeing various points about a wifes behaviour.

I do not think this book is for everyone. The book is definitely not for femeinists so if you are a bra burning career oriented woman not looking to make a dramatic change in your life then please don't waste your money on this book. If you are a very sensitive woman who can't take criticism or who will read something and totally crumble when realizing that you aren't up to par with wifely skills then you should consider another book as I am sure there are very many of these sorts of books on the market and this author is VERY straight forward and sometimes harsh in her message (though I am not thinking that is a bad thing really).

If you are a woman who can read the book, reflect on it's meanings, and honestly assess yourself without getting depressed and worked up over the things you are lacking in then this book is for you. It is for those who can see themselves honestly and seek to make the change rather than whining and pining over it.

I thought that i was a really good and submissive wife. My husband wasn't unhappy. I take my job of becoming a bettwer Muslim, Wife, and mother very seriously so I am always on the lookout for ways to improve myself. When I read this book some parts of it were a little hard to digest at first...it wasn't because what the book is saying is wrong but it is because I realized some things about me that needed fixing that I never might have thought about before. I am continuing to challenge myself on working on these things that I have learned and I am very well pleased with the results. Not only am I becoming a happier woman but the amazing change that I have seen in my husband (who has been awesome to begin with) is more than worth its weight in gold.

Now, I can't say whether or not all the Bible verses is correct or fine because I am not Christian but I reccomend the book soley on the womanly advice and I have shared and discussed it with several of my Muslim lady friends. There are a few things that didn't quite match up with the Christian point of view and to make a long story short I will say that Islam allows divorce and it is the belif of the author of this book the Christianity doesn't allow it (although I seem to think that is open for interpretation among various sects of Christians).

I do feel dissappointed that this book received such low and negative reviews but I can understand that not everyone can benefit from the same approach and outlook on things.
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
mehmet nalbanto lu
This is the absolute most bizarre book I have ever read in my life. It is full of wrong teaching, condemntion & namecalling to any who do not agree with her, judgemental, full of blanket generalizations, shame based, misleading, motivates by fear, legalistic, excuses mens sin issues, & promotes doormat women. Jesus came to set the captives free. He is life giving & releasing. One might say that there are a few good truths in this book. I say, there are hundreds of other sources to go to rather than muddle through the distortions and oppressiveness of this book trying to find a decent truth. I would recommend to find ANY other book. If I were the store, I wouldn't carry this book.
★ ★ ★ ★ ☆
sarah horton
Ms. Pearls perspective and her viewpoints in her book force the reader to take a look in the mirror. As my psychology professor would say, we give our selves much higher accolades and breaks then we do other people. I feel that Ms. Pearl is trying to wake women up, to see that our negative attitudes, criticisms, cutting remarks and ungrateful conversations will not only pollute our marriages but also our relationships with people around us.

In my own personal experience I tend to agree with Pearl that men get tired, frustrated, confessed, angry and hurt when wives ignore, ridicule, cut down and never show respect to them.

We can only change ourselves, and I believe that Ms. Pearl is trying to get that point across. Everything that I have read tends to point in this direction and in my own personal development I find its good to take many different perspectives, view points, experiences etc. to give yourself the ability to make educated and logical choices that will not only benefit yourself but the people you love the most around you!
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
joe harvey
A book straight from hell. As a pastor I do not condone abuse. Women should not stay in abusive relationships. Read it because abdomen wanted to do a lesson series. No will I allowed this to be taught in the church.
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
barbara alley capra
Let's be honest, you're either going to like it or you've already made up your mind to hate it. Scripturally speaking, if you have a great marriage, Titus 2 allows you to teach younger women about it. If you're already considering purchasing this book, do. You'll will find many practical tips that could transform your thinking about your role as a wife. Your husband will be blessed. If you are "happy" in your role as a disgruntled, selfish, I-wear-the-pants-in-the-family co-president, this book is not for you...unless, of course, there's something deep down that longs for contentment and fullfilment. Scripture teaches. I don't feel that there was any inaccurate scriptural teaching in this book. Personal style of teaching? She's just a woman, with her own personality, sharing her heart in her own way. She has a glorious marriage, 5 grown children who serve the Lord and rise to call her blessed. Read it and decide for yourself. This was my 6th copy. I keep "loaning" them out to women who need to read it...and never seem to get it back! It's a book you can read in short bits, reread dozens of times and written in a way that will really stick it to you, uh, stick with you.
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
kenia hinojosa
I found this book to be very helpful in my marriage. Due to the fact that I did not have a spiritul leader in my family I wasn't taught how to submit to my own husband. During the first 10 years of my marriage I tried to control it and wear the pants in my family. I am very thankful for this book and how it put me in my place, under my husband who is suppose to be in authority. This something that Debi shows you how to do from the scriptures. Shei goes to the scriptures for every circumstance and seeks the Lord for advice. I appreciated the letters she included from gals asking for advice. I found I could relate to many of them. This book is very convicting and helped me grow as a child of God. I get excited to please my husband now in many ways. Although he is not a believer I am being obedient to God and letting him be the leader. God IS working on him and I can see it happen! Submission is not easy in the "world" we live in today, but it is required. Being the wife you should be to your husband is being obedient to our Father in Heaven. Debi is a godly woman who seeks to please the Lord.

God will blessing you for this. I hope you enjoy the book, but remember to pray for the Lord to show you where you need to submit, not just to your husband, but to Him.

God Bless.
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
sage rachel
Thank you God for Debi Pearl. What a book! I have read it now four times and plan to read it again. My sister and I also plan to host a women's group using the book. Every single woman I give this book to comes away changed and, as a result, their marriages are being transformed. Yes, Debi is clear on what the Bible says. I'm not shocked that the theme seems to be: "Stop sinning! Sweep your OWN doorstep!" "Get over yourself!" "You are not a victim...and you are not entitled." If we can get out of the way...God can deal with that son of Adam!!!! Marriage is a covenant...100% from BOTH sides with God as the standard. Forgiveness is a command and we are warned of the grave consequences by Debi if we choose to not obey God's Word. She has done her part beautifully. Debi is admonishing us to keep our heads when our man is out of line. I was sickened by the comments that called her dangerous. Debi is calling women up to a place of responsibility for their own selves. There is nothing about this book that "blames" women but lets men off. Debi is addressing WOMEN, not men. If anyone has read the Pearls they will understand that Michael has a lot to say to the men and Debi does talk about this a little in the book. If you have a desire to be obedient to God, this book will bless you........and CRUSH you and put your flesh on the cross...where it BELONGS. I loved the deliverance. Yeay Pearls!
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
elizabeth connelly
Overall this was a very good and helpful book. This book wouldn't have generated so much strife before the feminist movement in the church. What is the big deal about honoring, respecting and obeying your husband (Titus 2)? What's the fuss about centering my life around his (I Corinthians 11:8-9)? What is the big deal about loving a husband who is in sexual sin and realizing that he needs my prayers not my condemnation? I believe the Scripture makes it clear that God allowed for divorce because of the hardness of our hearts. How many marriages would have been salvaged if a wife could subdue her pride and pray for her sinning hubby? Love him and still show respect while taking appropriate (biblical and not controlling) steps to restore the sinning spouse. God does allow room for those whose husbands refuse to repent. But it's all about your spirit? Is it vengeful, hurt and angry? Hurt feelings live around the corner from bitternes. Or do you have compassion on a sinning person who happens to be your closest neighbor? There is a precious lady at my church who walked through her husband's affair with love for him and such grace. No wonder he has repented and adores her now. I know another lady who was gracious and loving but her hubby never stopped the affair. They divorced, but she gave him so much time and grace to repent. Her heart was right. Gosh ladies,lay off Debi and lets adorn the gospel of God to this world (who by the way has a lower divorce rate than the church now!) I fear lest many of us women are "Bible Scholars" and have lost the spirit of the law and have become Pharisees. By the way, if Debi seems one sided, maybe its because she has been called to minister to women...
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
dewi indra
I saw many women at church carrying this book around. It seems that everyone was reading it, and sharing it, and passing it around. And it wasn't coming from the Pastor to the women; it was the more mature women finding it and sharing it with anyone who would listen- just as the Bible says. I ordered my copy because I couldn't wait for a free copy. It was eye-opening and liberating. It is not what we are taught, not most of us anyway. I had read their child-training book, but this was something entirely new to me. I grew up in a secular home with a strong-willed, traditional father, and I was determined that I was going to run my own life and not be controlled by a man. I was indocrinated from media and college with all the feminist ideals, and I later had a crummy marriage to a wonderful man. Becoming a Christian helped us improve our family life and marriage, but all the feminist garbage is nicely disquised in the church. First, I found their child-training books while the children were still young, and that helped a lot, but this book made me take a hard look at myself. It took me a month to read it. I would read a few chapters and I would have to stop, but the Lord spoke to me and showed me that I was wrong. I cried through half of this book. I can't tell you how many Christian women have told me that their marriages have been saved or made better by this advice. Its hard to swallow in this culture, but it is scriptural, it does not condone abuse, it does not put all the blame at the feet of the woman...it is speaking to women. We don't need a book that tells us what our husbands are doing wrong. Many of these reviewers are misrepresenting this book.
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
lindsey hawes
Really, really awful. I just cannot understand this line of thinking. In their other work they "teach" that children are manipulative and should be punished for being so, yet here they say that women should manipulate their husbands. Ugh - they must be watching too much Home Improvement.

I only read their books so that I can argue against them intelligently.
★ ★ ★ ★ ☆
angus
I am very grateful to Debi for following God's lead to write this book. This book has many, many practical ideas on how to improve your marraige and your walk with God. I have recommended this book to many and have seen testimony after testimony on God's awesome power by following God's plan and not our culture ideals.
Even though I love this book. I do not agree with every thing it has to say. The only book I fully agree with is the Bible. So beware - and then be ready for some radical ideas that are sure to change your heart if you let them. Just pray and check scripture for yourself. May God be with you through your journey.
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
laurie morando
I'd give it negative stars, flashing red lights and a skull and cross bones warning if I could. I and several of my friends read this book together. It was very bad for all. One woman will now have to live with horrible consequences for the rest of her life...so incredibly sad.
In fact, I've read a few of the pearls books. I would venture to say I haven't found one iota of truth in any of their philosophies. I'm not sure what their agenda is, but this is NOT the Father heart of God. Flee!
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
monzir
There are people who are convicted of child abuse that have gotten their doctrine from this person, so beware, her teaching can literally be dangerous.

At the very least, if you insist on getting this book, also get others that will allow you to see more easily where she is not Scriptural.
★ ★ ☆ ☆ ☆
rachel ebuh
I was given this book as a wedding present by a very well meaning friend. I believe that a man should be head of the household but this auhor is living a delusional fantasy world. This book seems like a guidebook for someone living in a 1950s sitcom or in "Stepford". Yes women should cok clean and care for children but, men also help. Many women work nowadays and you could never be a working wife and follow all of the rules in this book. I believe if I lived like her my life would be a living hell.
★ ★ ★ ★ ☆
ash bliss
I read this book and really enjoyed it for all the good advice that I found. I have also read many of the reviews, both good and bad.

First of all, there is some excellent advice in this book. You can argue that it is or is not Biblical but when it comes down to it - is it in the Bible or not? You can only change your perspective of a verse so much based on context - some of it just is the way it is no matter how you look at it. Just a thought!

Also, I struggled with the fact that it seemed Debi was putting all the blame on the wives. It took me a while to figure out that Debi is talking ONLY to the women! She is not talking to the husbands - just the wives! If a women goes around and refuses to change anything or adjust anything until her husband changes first then there may be no change at all. I don't thing the Pearls are advocating that the husband is always right and wife always wrong. However, when talking only to the wives, what good would it do to spend time highlighting the faults of the husbands? Wouldn't that give wives freedom to say "well, I don't want to change myself until he changes too because he..." Debi did talk about this briefly saying something about the different things her husband would be saying if he were talking to men. If you read the book with this perspective, I think you will get much more out of it! It is pretty sad if we all go around hating the book because it doesn't punish the men while we hang on for dear life to the things we do wrong.
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
leila desint
Debi Pearl calls women to the floor in this book in a refreshing way. She teaches an unpopular but Biblical truth about the way God designed women and the institution of marriage. If you read this book, you will likely be offended because it will challenge everything our culture has taught us since birth about the role of a wife.

I read (in other reviews) that some think Debi seems to hold women responsible for all problems in marriage; this is untrue. Debi makes it clear that many problems are a direct result of the fact that the men we are called to love and submit to are imperfect, sinful humans. But guess what ladies? We aren't the angels we think we are - we are human too. So she boldy calls women to stop making excuses (based on their husbands behavior) for letting their marriages suffer and die. Rather than stating that women are soley responsible for bad marriages, she points out that women have a unique power to influence their husbands in such a way that she can revolutionize her marriage, even if she seems to be the only participant.

I especially recommend this book to new, young wives. But stay away from this book if you do not revere the Word of God or if you are contentedly lazy. You will not want to stay the same after learning the truth about God's exceptional design for marriage!
★ ★ ★ ★ ☆
h r sinclair
A friend gave me this book and I must admit it was difficult to read, because the Holy Spirit was convicting me throughout. From reading the other reviews, one must keep in mind that we are to test all things through the Holy Spirit and use balance. Having said that, my life and my marriage are changing for the better from putting her teachings into practice. Before even reading the book, I realized that my attitude greatly influences my husband's attitude; this book expounds greatly on that truth. Also in learning to let my husband be the lead in all matters, teaches me to allow God to also be my leader in all matters and to submit to His will when it is the hardest. I may not agree exactly with everything said in the book, but it is a great help in learning God's will for the wife's role in a marriage. If you want to read this book to find things you can critize, then you won't be disappointed, but if you read it with an open mind, you'll be blessed beyond measure.
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
kamaria
This book saved my marriage and has given me freedom, not taken it away!

Before reading this book I couldn't take constructive criticism about anything. I took everything to heart as hurtful my husband tried to talk to me about. I felt he should just love me the way I was and that I couldn't please him anyway so no need to try. However, that wasn't the way I treated him. Almost everything he said I argued with. I felt that almost every idea he had was wrong and I saw myself as superior to him.

This book was such an eye opener that as I read page after page, I'd stop and repent of all the things I was guilty of and asked the Lord to help me change them. It has been less than 2 months and I am a new woman, my husband is a new man and we have a new wonderful marriage after 36 years!

Now I look forward to him coming home after work and we are playful with each other instead of going in separate directions. I've discovered I have a pretty wonderful husband!

I've noticed in some of the reviews they complain about Debi's bluntness, but it got my attention for which I am grateful.

I don't agree with everything in the book, but I've decided to use what is good for me which is most of the husband/wife part and leave the rest. This is a great book for newlyweds so they don't get into bad habits in the early years.
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
vincenzo bavaro
This book was the one book that got through to me what the role of a wife actually is. Before then, I thought that I needed to be served and it was all about me in my marriage relationship.

Most crtics of this book have said that Debi makes women seem like "doorstops" like it's something new, when in fact we all are doorstops (male and female) and deserve eternal hellfire for our sin--BUT we don't have to get what we deserve because of the work Jesus Christ did for us on the cross! So because our GRACIOUS God has given us such a gift, we ought to treat others as God treats them! God loves the lowlife husbands and the "perfect" husbands the same. God loves the sullen wives and the loving wives the same too. Debi is really trying to instruct us wives to treat our husbands with respect as Christ treats the church, with love and utmost respect. Before we can effectively minister to others, we have to get OUR OWN HEARTS RIGHT with God! It starts with US first, then we can have a loving marriage, life, whatever. A lot of people are cut, angry, and convicted by the message of this book, but that is because there are things in their own lives they need to fix. For me, personally, there were areas in my life where I was convicted that my husband doesn't even notice or care about, but I know that if I change, it will bless him and God!

This book has also affected me in that I have so much more compassion for my sisters in Christ. Unfortunately with divorce as easy as pie nowadays, there are so many divorced, single women out there. My particular fellowship is full of them. Most came to the Lord after divorce (Rom. 8:28), but many of them will never get the opportunity to be married again. Most have had to raise 2 or more children on their own. Debi does not want her readers to end up like these poor women. What really struck me was that she pointed out that marriage was a gift and not something we can just go pick up at the store when we run out of it. Marriage is SACRED and not to be mocked or taken lightly. Debi is so "harsh" with her readers because of this truth. If a woman VOWED before God to be with a jerk of a man, then she's got to take the initiative and make it work through the love of Christ! You can't just trade him in for a new one. And, I bet if you ask these divorcées that I know, they wish they were still married, and they wished they could have changed in order to keep their marriage in tact not only for their sake, but their kids' sakes! As Debi frequently points out, it ain't fun to raise 3 kids by yourself no matter how headstrong you are. Ask someone who has and they will tell you otherwise (or lie to you but cry themselves to sleep every night wishing it was different).

If there are any young, Christian women out there who are thinking of getting married at any point in the future or are recently married, please get this book!!! We have been so deprogrammed by this wordly society in public schools, families, friends, media, etc., that the INTENDED ROLE OF WOMEN has been forgotten! Today's world forces women to act like men and take over their roles, disrespect them, and thus it makes our lives miserable! We do not have to be bound by what sin has made marriage out to be! Let's get back to what God made us women for--help meet! Praise the Lord for Mrs. Pearl and her "revolutionary" (haha...i bet God doesn't think it's revolutionary) ideas!
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
yendi amalia
This is the best marriage book ever. If you read just one book, let this be the one!! It saved my marriage from certain destruction & misery. Thank you, Debi Pearl, for your sacrifices to save so many marriages. You are the best!!
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
ismailfarag
Please do not confuse this book's view of women or marriage with what the Bible says. Many of Debi Pearl's principles can lead to husbands becoming controlling and even abusive. Which, of course, according to Mrs. Pearl, is the wife's fault, and the wife has no power or right to stand up for herself. A very dangerous book!!!
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
edith petrongolo
Ladies: the summary of this book is: All men are jerks! Pick your jerk! Hold on! He'll leave you because he's a lust filled maniac! Good luck

This book can be compared to a powerful drug: If used wisely by an intelligent, mature, emotionally stable couple, some limited, positive effects may be obtained. If it is used by those who are naive, ignorant, dysfunctional and foolish, however, the effects will be devastatingly destructive and toxic. (Ironically, it is the latter group for whom the book seems to be primarily intended).

As others have noted in their reviews, there are far more valuable, insightful, helpful resources out there than "Created to Be His Help Meet." Why waste your time and money on it?
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
rahulsvrr
I'm very, very picky about what books I read....especially when it comes to 'relationship books'. I heard about this from a trusted friend of mine, who is just as picky about her books as I am...so, I knew it would be worth my time. I read this book one month before I got married. I am currently re-reding it (I'm now into my 5th month of marriage, so still a newly wed). I cannot tell you how incredible this book is! It is Biblically-based and full of scripture. Debi Pearl is very honest and authentic in her writing. This book and what it has taught me has been a HUGE reason that I am off to a great start in my marriage. I came to FULLY understand what the role of a woman within a marriage really means and encompasses. ANY WOMAN will benefit from reading this book. If you're getting married, newly married, or have been married for years, THIS BOOK WILL HELP YOU AND YOUR MARRIAGE. I have recommended this book to many women I know, and it has blessed all of us...and as a result, blessed our husbands. Debi Pearl spells out the true power and beauty of being submissive....and it's NOT what you may think! Women have a very special and powerful role within marriage, even in submission....so this is NOT one of those books that tells you to keep quiet and slave away in the kitchen. Rather, it reveals God's design in a woman and her powerful role in having a special blessing to her husband...and in no way is this some old-fashioned role. Women, PLEASE READ THIS BOOK....it will blow you away! When you do things God's way, IT WORKS!
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
wm pope
I could not finish this book. It was ridiculous. I am a Conservative Christian wife and mother. But, this puts all of life's emphasis on the husband and making the marriage complete. We are nothing if we do not have God first in our lives. Our hopes, and dreams should be God centered - not husband centered. A man can add to your happiness, but he is not your happiness. We must put God first, always. Single women are no less than married ones. God gave all of us the ability to reason and think... so, must a man reason and think about his actions and life (just as I do)... Beware of this book - very damaging.
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
lauretta beaver
There are many many better books to read about how to be a good wife. This is not a good book, it just asks women to worship their husbands. At one point a stepdad sexually molests a his stepson and Debbie Pearl, while suggesting the mother have the pervert arrested, also suggests that she visit him in prison with cookies and a smile, staying married to him and waiting for him to come home. Sick. And I am a Christian, conservative, by the way.
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
stef snajder
Debi Pearl's book is helping transform my mind with the truth of unselfishness in marriage. I didn't learn in church what she teaches and I knew when I first read it that anyone in church to whom I would give it would not understand or like it. My marriage is prospering. I had all but given up on ever being cherished, but it's happening! My 17 year old daughter is seeing the change in me, has read the book and won't have to go through 30 years of not being cherished in her marriage. My husband is being freed to be and do all God created him for since I am being so much more helpful to him. I am liking myself more than I ever have. It is sad that so many will not read nor understand how and why what she writes is true.
★ ★ ★ ★ ☆
david garrison
A lot of reviewers say that Debi Pearl puts all the blame and guilt on the wife for the husband's problems. I don't see it that way. I feel that this book gives power to the woman by instructing her in changes she can make in HERSELF and therefore in her marriage. It's so frustrating to me to read marriage books that assume the husband is a certain way, when he falls short in real life. In CtbHHM, Pearl assumes you are married to an absolute jerk of a man. And by golly, if she can learn to live with her jerk, then I can learn to live with my awesome guy.

Some things I disagree with though. My husband would NEVER touch a child, but if he did you bet he'd be one sorry sucker and he would never see his family again.
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
r l anderson
For a fact, this book saved my friend's marriage. During the time that she read it, she was able to use Debi Pearl's recommendations. Her marriage GREATLY improved for doing so! Let me tell you, this friend of mine is NO pushover either. She swallowed her pride and became the Help Meet we are meant to be! Yes, there is alot of difficult information to digest, but if women would put aside all their "ideas" of their placement in a marriage, then maybe the divorce rate would not be so alarming high! Debi Pearl lays it out there in a way no other author would! She is honest, direct and opens eyes of the blinded women who think THEY wear the pants in a marriage! Of course, we have opinions and aren't floor mats, but once in awhile we have to bite our tongues. Truly Christian women in this modern day should remember GOD created us for a specific man. That man is YOUR husband and we can all learn a little dose of humility during this read and have better marriages for it!!! As for me, I am getting to re-read this book (with the journal this time though). It was amazing how GOD worked in me the first time around. It seemed that whenever I read a story by Debi Pearl, I'd be placed in a similar situation. We are challenged EVERYDAY. Afterall, GOD isn't going to give us patience, but situations in which we can learn to BE PATIENT! Hopefully, all of you can read this book and be convicted by the truth, reality and situations of your marriage!
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
deanna s
This book is Biblical and marriage-changing! Pray and seek God when reading this book. Read the scripture that Debi references. The negative reviews of this book show how far off we as a society have come from God's design for marriage.
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
perry
I was often disturbed by this book. It presents the wife as a mindless slave who can not ever express her thouhgts or beliefs. On page 260, Micheal Pearl states "But first, know that a husband has the authority to tell his wife what to wear, where to go, whom to talk to, how to spend her time, when to speak and when not to, even if he is unreasonable and insenstive... on page 263, he further states that the "chain of authority must remain intact, even to the point of allowing soem abuse". He does, however, state the husband should not cross the "bright red line of criminal acts". On pages 132-133 an example is given of a lady who endured extreme abuse for ever 7 yesrs, including being attacked with a buthcher knife. She was advised by Debi Pearl to either leave or REVERENCE this man who all but murdered her!!!! She should have been told to press charges to the fullest extent of the law. But this abused lady was counseled to win over her abusive man by never speaking ill of him (reporting abuse). On page 270, women who threaten to repeort him to the law are called rebellious.

I can not recommend this book. It degrades women far to much!!
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
asha galindo
Created to be His Help Meet delivers real life answers to real life marriage problems. I never realized the damage I was doing to my husband, my marriage and even my children until I read this book. My ungodly behaviors and attitudes were stripped bare for me to see and I was forced to acknowledge that I had some changing to do.

This book doesn't pretend that husbands are perfect and wives are always to blame for failed marriages. Quite the contrary! But the focus of this book is on the influence the woman has in her marriage relationship. Created to Be His Help Meet points a wife to the areas in her marriage where her behaviors and attitudes can help or hender.

I have purchased extra copies to give to new brides and long time wives. I highly recommend it!

CAUTION: The contents of this book may cause intense pain and brokenness when read with an open heart!
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
towanda
This will be short and sweet.

I am a 26 year old wife and mother to an infant. I did not grow up in a conservative family, in fact, my mom is and was the leader in our family's household. I am a Christian and since being married, thought I understood the roles of a wife and a husband. But I was still not respecting my husband in so many ways.

This book is changing my marriage. We argue less (rarely, actually), our sex life has improved 90%, and I am enjoying serving him. In return, he is loving me better. It is a joy to obey God in these principles.

The book is hard-core; all of the Pearl's materials are. If you do not want to change and become completely selfless, then you might take offense at this book. But of you are willing to submit yourself to God and your husband and count the cost it will give back to you 100 times!
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
kelli moquin
I cannot stress enough that this couple advocated abusive practices not only in their marriage but in their other work (to train up a child). She advocated going back to an seriously abusive relationship because you might win your spouse to Christ --even as far as citing an example of a pregnant woman who survived an attempted murder from her husband. Such advice seriously endangers the woman and any children in the relationship. I would advise anyone looking for relationship advice to look elsewhere.

Because of her belief in a woman not working she assumes that a divorced woman would be forced into destitution and possibly be around lesbians and fornicators. Well, yes, if you have no job experience, 12 children and no education then you may indeed end up destitute. However, if you had had the forsight to actually get an education and even hold down a part time job you probably would be in much better shape. As for the company you keep as a divorcee -- that is your own business and a logical fallacy to state that you will be forced in to such a situation.

Disgusting excuse for a book.
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
nick black
An absolutely MUST read! I've read this book at least 3 times.

It was life changing for my marriage.

As a young girl, the marriage life that was demonstrated to me wasn't appealing. As I grew up I NEVER wanted to be married.

This book gave me a healthy perspective on marriage. It showed me I can have a GLORIOUS marriage.

I buy this book over and over again... I keep giving my copy away.
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
fauzan anwar
I am so thankful for this book, it saved my marriage. I read this book with a group of women from my church we read and discussed. It was very hard to have a listening mind and to apply it to my life. I balked at many things in the book and I absolutely disagree with some things but it taught me to learn my place and that doesn't mean my husband walks on me. We are in this marriage together, however he is the leader. I will be buying this book for my daughters!!
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
james layton
I find it interesting reading the reviews how many attack the fact that this book says nothing to men. First of all this book was not written for a man, and therefore it would be pointless to address any issues towards a man, simply because we as wives are not the spiritual advisers of our husband.

This book is a great book, but like all books its not the bible, and people need to realize that, this is one persons opinoin and perspective. I don't agree with everything Mrs. Pearl writes, but I do agree with many principles she says.

The main reason that she is telling us as wives to do all the changing is because biblically we as wives have the ability to "win our husbands without a word" I Peter 3:1. I would recommend changing the word submit, to respect for those that think submitting is becoming a doormat. And then instead of this book, read the book Love & Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, and then reread this book with that perspective in mind. Like every book ever written, these books do not take the place of the bible. Also a side note, Mrs. Pearl never says to completely eliminate your devotions with God, she says that we should not become so invovled in extra matters that it takes away from the role we were originally created to do. My husband has noticed a change in my attitude towards him, and in return without my asking, he is finally starting to love and pay attention to me the way that I have always wanted. Not everything applies to one person, but there are some basic priniciples that you can apply, and everything you read should be taken with a grain a salt.
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
brian spangler
The book was given to me by a trusted girlfriend of 20 yrs with a much-improved marriage & I found it very helpful to me as a recovering feminist/frmr high achieving urban career woman/(still) Type A Christian wife & mom. This book explains why our marriage gets better when I focus on his goals & career as our joint goals & career even if he doesn't think this is important! It also explains why the height of my career & earnings was no fun for us, even in spending it-didn't feel natural, even to two very enlightened liberated souls-weird,eh? The reason to read this book is to stop any friction & get on the same page-surprisingly easy if we women can give up our pride for a second & become teachable, making the priority to love instead of get love. The big payoff is that he'll love, respect, & cherish you even more and will suddenly begin helping YOU with things because he now has a renewed purpose, too! I'll be giving this to my very independent,competent, high-achieving teen daughter before she gets married someday because there is no arguing with truth. We can get it now or get it later (I was later), but this works because it's the way marriage was designed, obviously. The stuff I learned growing up about how men & women are basically the same is dead wrong & Debi Pearl gets it - read Ch 8 first. I like to follow advice from happy people and this is it. Marriage is even better now that I understand our job descriptions - Ch 8 was right :)
★ ★ ★ ★ ☆
sue hobbs
As a pastor I can say that women in our church have read this book and it has helped them see in very practical terms some scriptural principles that are all too often overlooked or deliberately ignored. Quite honestly it has been a factor in some real transformation in some marriages in the church - leading to much happier wives, children and husbands.

I give four stars not five because in one or two places Mrs Pearl, I believe, is unnecesarily frank about certain things; and in a few other places I think she should have developed or explained her statements a little better. However, the book will stay in our home and as a ministry we will continue to recommend it to women because overall it has borne wonderful fruit in the lives of people we know.
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
dadbat02
The failure rate (divorce rate) for marriage in the church today rivals or even exceeds that found outside the church. What much of the "church" is doing these days is obviously not working. Truth is seldom appealing to the majority...

This book is different than most you will read. It truly blessed my relationship with my husband. While many in today's "christian culture" may not like it, this book is the real deal. Practical and biblically based help for wives who desire to be the spouse that God wants them to be.
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
e dee batista
Ladies just remember that when you read this book Debbi is talking ONLY TO YOU! Not men at all. She makes no excuses for their not-so-kind actions or unfairness but gives us the tools to still be loving and do our part despite it.

The story about the trash is my fav example of this. Yes it was wrong for Michael to just leave his trash lying on the ground for Debbi to pick up but his wife KNOWS him. His pride was hurt and rather than making a big stink about it and possibly ruining the day. She smiled and picked it up. She chose to let-it-go! How wonderful! It is only trash! And in Michael's own way he made it right.I can't IMAGINE my husband ever doing that but the point still stands. And we are called to obedience in Christ no matter how we are treated. There are no excuses. Our husbands will answer to God, it is not our job to convict them. I think that is what she is trying to get across. I really enjoyed the book and so did my husband. She is pretty harsh but I actually found it a bit refresshing in such a sugar coated fuzzy christian world. Anyways! Read it with a grain of salt :) God Bless
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
motteleb
You are less than him. Deal with it.
You are to be under him. Why?
You are weak. He needs to think he is strong. Remind him.
You don't like how he handled something? Oh well.
You need a break from the kids? No you don't.
You want some time for caring for yourself? Wait until your oldest daughter can take care of the pile of siblings, and only if he says it's ok.

You want to remember you exist, and would like others to respect you and treat you with dignity? Well, as long as you keep up the show and keep him happy, you can convince yourself to be content and fulfilled no matter what you really feel or your reality.

All of the following are direct quotes from her book: A "cheap office wench", "cheap office hussy", "lazy, complaining wife," "cranky, demanding leech", "skinny swine", "rebellious", or "hillbilly ugly, which is worse than everyday ugly"... In or out of context... Really???
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
veronika
The author helps women understand the way we have been design and how it gives us a sense of fulfillment when we apply most it's of practical principles. It might challenge most modern society ideas of how women should respond to their husbands, hence it's reading can bring the common wife to examine and reflect on her day to day interactions with her spouse. Hopefully it will encourage you to bring about changes in your mind set and in your relationship. I know this has been the case with me. I am still single & believe you can always prepare yourself as much as possible before going into marriage. Obviously I can not apply everything in it's reading, but what little I have taken has brought many fruits not only in a increased trust and communication with my boyfriend but also in a more confident, peaceful and satisfied me. I've come from a very liberal mind set.I hope women who read it will have an and open mind yet keeping a balance and asking the Lord for direction.
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
dj gatsby
I am fuming about the handful of chapters that I forced myself to sit down and read. This author may put scripture into her book, but takes them out of context half of the time and twists God's word to fit her idea of what a wife should do and don't do. The cover and intentions of this book are deceiving, leaving one to assume that there is truth to be learned and insights to be had. The truth is, it seems as if this woman is writing this book to affirm her ungodly ways and thinking and make money. She brings up Paul's letter to the Corinthians saying that "she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband." 1 Corinthians 7:34, but this is when Paul is telling the Corinthians that he believes that it is better not to marry because the wife will be divided in her attention to Christ. The focus on the husband is at large here, while the focus on Christ seems to be thrown in to "justify" the book's Christian standing. She places the husband in the Lord's place. She is constantly encouraging the worldly view of how wives should act. She belittles single women, saying that they are not fulfilling God's divine purpose for them and implying that they are not doing their job to obtain a husband. She berates the women that husbands seem to be flirting with and says that the wife should make herself more attractive than the secretary so that she can "make that cheap hussy feel beneath her class". Her choice of words are harsh, bitter, stereotypical, and degrading--having absolutely no relation to a character of love, kindness, mercy, understanding, or gentleness that Pearl suggests wives should have.
This strong hate towards anyone (whether or not they sinned against you) is NOT derived from God's expectations for women as they become more Christ-centered in their marriage. Scripture tells us to not be proud and humble ourselves before others: "Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity." Colossians 12:14. Also, a large focus of Pearl's is the outward appearance to your husband. She speaks highly of those who can "keep her man" by having a radiant smile, wearing makeup and clothes that will keep him coming home, growing her hair out long (like she has done) and she bad mouths those who are depressed, cannot fake that smile, forget to have fun with their husband, and struggle with doing everything her husband wants her to do. Proverbs 31:31 says that "charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised". Later in the book, she goes over the parts of Proverbs 31, but this part is distant from the rest of the voice of the book. Pearl's frequent inconsistency concerns me when other people say that they enjoyed the book. I enjoy reading the scriptures, but not when they are side-by-side with this kind of herecy. This book should not be promoted in Christian circles and followed through as a bible study! If you are reading this book or are interested in purchasing it, I strongly suggest that you test what you read. "Test everything. Hold on to the good." 1 Thess. 5:21.
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
noemi
This book is simple to read and will change your home if you follow its advice. I have seen its effect on many of my friends and on my own home. Debbie is kind and firmly grounded in the Bible. Reading this book is like sitting down and getting from Grandma the advice we should have received growing up! Finish reading the book and you will see that Debbie in NO WAY asks a woman to stay in an abusive relationship. The Pearls are known for their strong support of punishment for criminal behavior.
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
spoorthi s
A few years ago I knew I was "tearing my house down" but couldn't figure out how or why and began to pray that God would give me wisdom. My friend gave me this book and I believe I am now "building my house".

The first sentence in the book says "There is not a day of my life that I do not wake up and thank God he gave me the wonderful task of being a help meet to Michael Pearl." I was ready to get rid of the book there already. I was not thankful to be the wife of my husband. Although he was a good man, I felt he was keeping me from being who God truly wanted me to be. His weaknesses kept me from serving God and I was becoming bitter.

Now after working through the book for the third time, I am to the place that I am truly thankful to be married to this man God has chosen for me. Rather than his weaknesses stifling me, I can see how those challenges have worked a Christlikeness in me and how my strengths enable me to encourage my husband. In turn, he has recognized some of those weaknesses and now regularly uses my strengths to help him overcome them and be more effective. In turn, I am more appreciative of my husband, can see why I need him more than ever. It is through my role as his help meet that I am honoring my Lord and that is spilling over in blessing to my children, my extended family, and my church family.

Do I do everything to the letter that Debi Pearl says? No. Part of that is because I am still growing and part of that is because I am married to MY husband and not to Michael Pearl -- I am knowing my own man.

I have made only two life-long commitments -- one to my Lord Jesus Christ, and one to the man who is my husband. Thanks to the Help Meet book, I think I am succeeding at both and now look forward to being my husband's help meet until death do us part.
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
mahmoud afify
This book was suggested as part of a women's study I was invited to participate in at my church. I eagerly received it, hoping for new ideas on how to better myself as a wife to my husband and mother to my four young children. My husband has been a lifelong Christian and I am a newer believer. Both he and I were shocked and disturbed by this book, which frequently name calls. I would be fearful that a woman who reads this book (especially a newer believer) would be in danger of self-loathing, unrealistic expectations of herself, and fear of God "deliberately pushing her over the edge" into insanity (an example provided from the book). She pushes the disturbing notion that divorce, depression, anxiety, etc. are resulting completely from a wife's actions. God clearly states in the bible that both men and women have roles - he does not rest everything on the shoulders of women. This is a ridiculous, potentially dangerous book!
Both my husband and I would strongly advise anyone and everyone to stay away from this book.
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
psyche ready
It's interesting how different people can see, hear, taste, touch, or Read the same thing and come up with completely different conclusions. "Created To Be His Helpmeet" has had a significant impact on my thoughts and behaviors toward my husband. God commands me to love my husband, always (not just when he loves me back). I have learned that my thoughts toward my husband will greatly effect my behavior toward him. While I used to punish my husband for not doing what I thought he should (or doing what I thought he shouldn't), I now work at loving (and forgivig) him in spite of his perceived shortcomings. That's what love is. That's how God loves us. Debi Pearl helped me in numerous practical ways to better love my husband. Her book has been a tremendous blessing to me. I plan to read this book again with the help of the journal. I also found to be insignificant (or nonexistant) the petty disagreements offered by critical reviewers.
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
dan schansberg
Created to Be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl is written by a older and wiser woman who hopes to help younger wives have the blissful marriage she has had. It is controversial, yes, but so is anything that does not fall in line with the Women Lib. movement. Debi openly & frankly shares intimate details as to how to be the wife God created us to be from scripture. She uses the Holy Bible as well as experience in her and other marriages (she and Micheal have done lots of counseling). Their marriage is joyful and purposeful and Michael ADORES her. Very helpful is the section that helps you decide what type(s) your husband is, so you can figure out his real needs. This book does not mean to tell women to be slaves to the husband, but to honor God by honoring your husband, whether he DESERVES it or not. It can make your marriage LIFE CHANGING. The Pearls are very bold in their writing (which is refreshing!) but don't throw the baby out with the bath water. Many excellent points can be taken and used to start, save, or continue a successful marriage.
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
steve sparkes
I was reading a five star review of this book that claimed that not one person who left a one star review had tried following Debi Pearl's advice. I am one who DID follow Debi's advice and I'm only giving the book one star because I can't give it zero or negative numbers.

I was apprehensive about trying her advice, but was very open to it. My husband said this book has been the most damaging thing to our marriage so far. I tried following the advice for a couple of months and all it did was make me and my husband miserable. My husband actually turned "mean" because he was frustrated with me and had no idea what had come over me. When he asked me about it I cried and said I'd tried so hard to please him and showed him the book. He read some of the things in the book and it made him so angry he wanted to burn it. He told me it was a damaging book and that I was not to read it anymore. I had borrowed the book, so we did return it, but if it had been mine we would have burned it.

The book is complete and utter trash and should be used for kindling to start a fire. Before anyone says that I must not have followed the advice properly, I followed it to the letter and even asked people I knew who followed the Pearl's teachings about some things.

By the way, I thought that everyone might want to know why there has been a sudden increase in the five star reviews of this book. The Pearl's have publicly solicited five star reviews in the latest "No Greater Joy" magazine, stating that those of us who are giving this book bad reviews on the store are taking away the rights of people to have a good marriage. Obviously not many of their followers cared enough to give their book rave reviews before now.

Please do not read this marriage and spirit damaging book.
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
lori ann
After divorce from my first husband, I was forced to sit and consider what part I had to play in his adultery. No doubt he made the choice to fool around and, eventually, decide he wanted to marry her, but what was lacking in our marriage that made him seek someone else's company.

I wish I had read Debi's book at the time. It truly would have made all the difference for me in healing and in beginning a new life with my husband. This book is absolutely life-changing. In an awesome way! I know there is a lot of controversy about the book and about the Pearl's in general, but that is simply because western women absolutely have been brainwashed by the entire women's lib movement.

Many of the women will say, "Oh, not me. I believe my husband is the head of the household," but they turn around and take control and emasculate their husbands so that it is embarassing to be around them. I've read a few of their reviews on here.

In counterpoint to what many have said here, Debi never tells women to be a doormat to their husbands. She never says that all problems in marriage stem from the woman's failure. She never advocates abuse in any way, shape or form. (Oh and the Pearl's are not Pelagian either.)

I'm a product of years of sexual abuse, not from my father. I reckon I could easily truly forgive the men responsible and move on if I were allowed to confront them. If I knew that they were being punished for what they did, it would likely be even better. I can say that as an adult, I do know that they will be punished, even if not in this life, God knows all. Even if they've repented and become Christians, they still have to live with what they did - no matter how forgiven they are in the eyes of God, they have to forgive themselves. It is not abusive to take an abused child (male or female) to confront their abuser. It is a great form of healing.

Btw, my husband LOVES the book. You cannot read this entire book without confronting some pretty ugly things in yourself. (Well, if you can, perhaps you really need to spend some time checking up with God.) Shining light into the dark corners of your heart and truly putting things aside makes you a better person - lifechanging. It has transformed our good marriage into an absolutely fabulous one. I appreciate the hearts of the Pearls and how they want to help Christian families grow together. I wish all women would read it with open hearts. If they found it "so awful" as some claimed to have done, then perhaps they should set it aside for a season of prayer and then dive in again. God can still stir your heart.

Thanks Pearls!
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
aarthi
Amazing, life changing book! I know of many marriages that have been transformed due to a wife that was willing to take the advice of this book. Don't read unless your ready for your marriage to be made glorious!
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
roxanna
Debi has done such a good job of helping women see what a difference how they act can make in their marriage. Yes, some of the things in the book are hard to take and may seem a little one sided but that is because Debi is addressing the issue with women! This book has changed my life and marriage! We cannot change anyone but ourselves and this is exactly the angle Debi is coming from. This book will challenge you and if you follow the principles in it your home, and you, will be much happier. Of course there are always exceptions but no book can cover every possible one. By far I believe the majority of marriages will get better if a woman takes these things and applies them in her marriage.
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
mariquon
I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this book. It's not the typical, run of the mill book on how to be a godly wife. There are so many good points in this one. I will say that the author seems to be very legalistic & opinionated. If you can look past that, I am sure you will be able to glean many pieces of wise counsel. I recommend this to all of my married friends. Mrs. Pearl says the hard things that other authors are afraid to touch on, I think because of our feminist society ; )
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
brandon the gentleman
I am so tired of people saying they need to separate the wheat from the chaff or pull out the nuggets of wisdom from the Pearls. The Pearls advocate child abuse akin to torture in their child rearing books and articles and now in this book Debi is advocating wife abuse. It's like saying you could find some little nuggets of wisdom from the writings of Hitler! Little pieces of helpful advice lumped in with abusive and frightening advice is even worse because it gets you off your guard and makes you vulnerable when reading this stuff.

These people are a disgusting example of religion gone awry into something sick and twisted and evil. Why are Christians still reading what these people write? It frightens me to think anybody would take this woman's advice. I would imagine an abused wife who already has horrible self esteem could put herself in real danger, maybe even risk her life by following this nonsense.

It is sickening that so many Christians fall for these cultish fringe people and the horrific things they advocate. Stay clear of this book and anything written by the Pearls. Run!
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
c c mackenzie
Without getting too personal, this book is majorly destructive to women that deeply want to love and serve the Lord. It strips her of everything she ever thought she could be. It gives men permission to use and abuse their wives. Run from the Pearls as fast as you can!!
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
jill pilon
This book is the best book I have ever read for women on the topic of marriage. I have read many other books, but by far this book exceeds them all on pointing a woman to a heavenly marriage.

Some of these reviews are mean-spirited and critical. I suggest you read the book and decide for yourself. This book changed my marriage. If you are a feminist (as I once was) then this book will make you want to start a bonfire. But if you want a glorious marriage and are willing to put up with some off-beat humor and opinions on the author's part, then this is the book for you. I actually found most of Debi's book quite entertaining.

I try to imagine the women who have written the scathing reviews and wonder what type of marriages they have. Part of the problem these days is that there are not enough "Pearls" who will write the truth. So many authors write flowery, puffy books on marriages and after you have finished, you have no idea how to change a rotten marriage.

This book will help you see Scripture in a whole new light. I only hope that Debi Pearl will write more for those of us whose lives are changing as a result of good biblical teaching.
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
chris abraham
There will be a few things you won't agree with, but go into it with an open mind and the Word open right beside it. Always test everything against the Word. That's your only infallible, absolute truth.

That being said, if you give this little book a chance, it will help you. My marriage has sweetened greatly since I read it and my heart has been healed from many lies as a result. And yes, I had my moments of throwing it across the room, believe me.

As you read it, remember just this one thing: YOU are the only person you can control. That's what this book is for. Don't focus on what needs to change with your husband (there will always be a lot, I know), just focus on how YOU can please God. Mrs. Pearl helps outline some ways you can do that. That's all. Again, she's human. Don't be defensive, just give it a chance.
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
kitty kat
I had been unknowingly rebelling in my marriage for ten years before finding the answer! For those of you who don't think this book is accurate, Biblically sound or just plain offensive, I encourage you to take a leap of faith and just do what Debi suggests. It's no different than the example of Christ...dying to our own self and our own selfish concerns. When I have chosen to give up what I think I need, God provides something even better. He has shown me this over and over. Instead of nagging my husband about something, I take it to the Lord and trust He'll provide it if I need it. Then the Holy Spirit works on my husband, and He's far more effective than I am!
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
john p
Instead - get The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace. TEW is truly biblically based. Help Meet has many issues - most have been listed in other reviews. I will only add that you should do some research about the Pearls. Mr. Pearl feels that he is without sin - has been for several years - through a process of sinless santification. He even teaches a course so you can learn to be completely without sin as well! Where does that leave Grace? The Pearls are very "anti-chrurch" - they tend to raise the family unit to an idol - I could go on...see for yourself - google their names & you will get a wealth of info on them.
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
peter swanson
I definately am cautious when recommending this book as it truly has some radically different opinions about how to care for your marriage and obviously from the reviews you either love or hate this book. Personally I have found her writing to be quite entertaining and inspiring. She does not mince words nor give cute pat answers but cuts right to the heart of the problem in every marraige which is selfishness. It would be foolish to look to any book for guidance in any area of your life without first looking to our greatest source of council, God the Father. I encourage anyone reading this or any book to first ask the Lord to give you His direction for your marraige and if while reading you come to see yourself in the writings do not run away in fear and shame or hastefully turn on the author, but instead call out to the Lord and ask Him to reveal to you what, if anything, can you do differently and when He shows you-DO IT!

What I hear in this book continually is the need for each woman, regardless of your circumstances, shortcomings, hard days, rights, excuses or what ever may be causing you grief, individually and personally we must take responsibility for ourselves and quit shifting the blame. No one likes to hear they are failing but I can say that I would much rather swallow a bitter pill than continue sucking on a worthless candy if it meant drawing me closer to God and even maybe saving a broken marraige.

I highly recommend this book though it may not be for the faint of heart and at times leave you feeling like you have been kicked in the pants! Sometimes all we really need to take us to the next level in our marraiges, faith and relationship with God is a dose of tough love.

May we not forget our calling as Christians to walk as Jesus did and continually seek to know how to do just that in our every day lives-in the good and the bad:)

"Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness, and being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death-even death on a cross!"

Philippians2:5-8

May God bless you richly as you seek to glorify Him in your marraige and life!

Koosah Johnson
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
ferdi karadas
First, I have to say that some very well-intentioned women study this book and live by it and I have no condemnation for them. However, when I went through it and started asking my husband questions about it, he told me to stop reading it and throw it away even though his well-intentioned mother gave it to me. I believe that his advice was demonstrating Christ's love to me, freeing me from the false guilt this book incites.

While there are always benefits to godly humility and servanthood, the author goes too far in prescribing exactly what fits into her view of godliness. Like the pharasees of old, she sets up rules for godly marriage that are nowhere in scripture. The book condemns women who teach at all as having the spirit of "Jezebel" and gives the overall impression that the only purpose women serve is for their husbands' wishes and goals and that any other pursuit is ungodly.

If you are having marital problems, this book is like prescription medication, it may do you some good but it could cause more harm than good in the long run. I recommend Ken Nair's books, "Discovering the Mind of a Woman" and "Discovering the Heart of a Man." Remember, your marriage takes two. Contrary to this book, it is right to have reasonable expectations of your husband to help him become more like Christ. Men, Ken Nair's books will rock your world!
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
adwoa
I have had this book for several years. It was given to me by a friend, who wanted to know what I thought of it. She had given copies to several women going through issues with their husbands. She was hurt because some of those she gave it to, thinking it would help them, were offended. One woman even severed a friendship with my friend!( I think)

I have read through it several times. Sure, some of the things Debi says are cutting. But, isn't that the way truth is to flesh? My honest opinion is, the women who are offended and angered by this book, need it the most! It's not easy, though. Husbands are not 100% to blame for every bad thing in a marriage, and Debi is great at pointing out the ways women do contribute negatively to failing relationships. If you want to know what you CAN DO to help your marriage, read this book. If you are looking for a book that will prop you up in a corner where you can ridicule your man, this is not the one for you.
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
koeeoaddi
I was reading this book when I was pregnant for our first Child and could not put it down. I think it is all in how you would personal take the messsage and apply it to your own life! I was married for 2 years and adored my husband. It was simple reminders to me to Love, respect, and encourage my husband! To HELP build him up to the Man that God created and then in Return I would be blessed. What husband wouldn't love his wife if she treated him so well. I know that we are not perfect!!! I found this book to be very enlighting, encouraging and a spirtitual uplift. I wouldn't recommend it to everyone though, because it teachs to be submissive to your husband. I know alot of women that want to be the one who wears the PANTS!! I can struggle with that also. This book helps me to relize that isn't what God intended for me. SO if you are willing to listen to God and be submissive to your spouse and have a positive, incouraging atitude tward your husband, I think that you would enjoy this book. By putting your Husband first you are Obeying God and putting GOD first!!!!!!! I LOVED THE BOOK!!!!
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
kjones
Unfortunately, I read this book before reading the reviews. It was in my disgust for the book, that I got online to read the reviews to see what other Christians thought. I firmly agree with the many negative comments that have already been brought out. This book is full of Debi Pearl's twisted opinions, but rather than be stated as that, the book uses a type of pathetic guilt to try to lead the reader to think that what she is saying is Biblical. I would not recommend this book to anyone, but those that are in a failing marriage due to physical, emotional, or verbal abuse need be very cautious of the harm that can be done if following the opinions of the Pearl's, especially where kids are involved also.
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
claw
My friend told me about this book and said, "Just try not to tear it in half and light it on fire."

That really got me wondering....

After reading this book just half-way through, I ordered 3 more copies!
I thought, "My other girlfriends have GOT to read this stuff."
Over and over... story after outrageous story... Debi gives advice that you would NEVER hear anywhere else. I think Debi would actually cause a riot if she ever showed up on Oprah. (And I did offer up this book as an "idea" on Oprah's website :-) I don't watch her show, but I know she has a big impact on the lives of many women)

Here's the even crazier part: She's right every time in this book! Shockingly right! Of course I would think she was crazy the first time I'd read a section, but then I'd think it over for a while. I would read a "Dear Debi" letter to my husband, and then read him Debi's crazy advice (thinking he'd think it was crazy too) and ask him what he thought of it, and he'd say..."That sounds about right". And I would be AGHAST! "Are you serious?" I'd ask him. "You really think a wife should be like that?" and he'd totally agree with Debi.

This book TOTALLY rocked my world. It's a perspective I have NEVER heard before and I am the better for it. I'm reading the book again. But slowly. I can only take it in small doses.

The Bottom Line:
The question I keep asking myself (since this advice is SOOO foreign) is, "If I was a man, would I want to be married to a woman like this?" The answer is an absolute no-brainer. Any man would be BLESSED-OFF-HIS-SOCKS to have a wife the way Debi says a wife should be.

As for me becoming that woman.... I'm a work in progress.

Thank you Debi for writing this book!!
★ ★ ★ ★ ☆
madel bayeta
This book is not for those who are easily offended, or who are content with blaming all of their problems on their partner.

This book basically instructs wives to take the higher ground and in fact, does not claim that all problems are the wife's problem. Debi makes it clear that she is writing to women and in doing so, is not attempting to address the short comings of the man, although men do have shortcomings.

Growing up, my dad always said, "You can't change other people, you can only change yourself." That is the premise that I perceive this book to be written from.

Debi does not mince words, and I appreciate that, but if you are easily offended or a disher but not a taker, this book is not for you!

It is loaded with "opinion," more than "scriptural exegesis." I read it as if I were sitting down having coffee with an older woman who was sharing her heart. She's not afraid to step on your toes, but it's all written in love.

Just take a deep breath and pray for ears to hear God's truth as you read. Don't throw the baby out with the bath water! It's a keeper for me!
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
hannah dillon
If you are ready to love God by understanding how to be a Godly wife, you need to read this book. I have been married 13 years. I want to do God's will in my life with regards to my marriage. Anything that I do in my life should be for God's glory and how to do it is in his holy word, The Bible. I grew up in a home where my Mother had the all time habit of being a contentious wife. Nothing my Dad did was right. Everything was a complaint and a fight. That was her habit and I did not want that to be repeated in my life too. So I read many books on parenting, marriage...Just so I do things God's way and not the model I grew up with. This book is choc full of scripture and has been all about being selfless instead of selfish. I'd give it 10 stars if I could!
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
faridah zulkiflie
This is a book for the woman who questions God's wisdom in commanding us to submit to our husbands. Debi Pearl explains from every angle this difficult and controversial subject, all the while calling her readers to trust our loving God who created us and wants the very best for us. If you are not prepared to read this book to the very end you WILL misunderstand her views! I have read and spoken to several women who made this mistake. They quit too early because they read something that "rubbed them wrong" and formed opinions of Debi Pearl that were incorrect. Keep reading and she will explain herself further- many times bringing the balance to statements that seem to overly simplify difficulties in marriage.

For me personally this book has been a help beyond explanation. Although I wanted to throw it across the room several times, in the end I left encouraged to trust God and hopeful that no matter what obstacles I face in my marriage, He can work miracles to get me and my husband through them. And not just through them- better because of them.

One last note to those who have said this book puts all of the responsibility on women: Debi makes it clear that this is a book for women only. She is writing as though your husband will do nothing on his end to help solve your marriage troubles. I feel this is extremely wise, and, more often than not, true to life. Most marriages I see in extreme turmoil are not there because both partners are trying to work on things. Usually one person has completely given up and the other is barely hanging on. This book gives hope to that woman- the one whose husband doesn't care anymore. She calls to that desparate woman, "Hang on! God can still turn your marriage around!"

She hit my issues right on the head and every principle I have applied from this book has worked and blessed my husband AND myself. Give it a chance- if it doesn't work you can always go back to doing things your old way...
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
omayma
My thoughts on my marriage after my wife read this book can be summed up in one word: "WOW!!"

Let me say one thing right off the bat, I did not read this book, but it has impacted me very directly...I'm the husband of a wonderful lady that decided to read this book about a year ago...

Before my wife read this book, we had a good, solid marriage and after 15 years of marriage, we still really truly loved each other...Now our marriage is stronger and our relationship more meaningful and special than I ever thought possible...I might be wrong, but I honestly believe why things have changed...

See, this book taught my wife about the importance of humbling herself to be submissive to me and to honor and respect me, make me feel important and useful even when she didn't want to or even when I didn't deserve it...I know that must have been tough on her at times, but what's been amazing is how she is now being treated as a result...I've never treated her badly, but I confess that I could go toe-to-toe with her on lots of unimportant issues and I could be pretty stubborn and unpleasant when I felt like I needed to "protect my turf"...

Anyway, the point is that my wife and I have now really taken our relationship to that next level and it feels GREAT!! It really makes me wonder about the women that have left negative feedback about this book...If I had to, I would bet that every last one of them are in bad marriages (or already divorced) and part of the reason (if not all) is because of their "women's rights" mentality...Just my humble opinion...

Read the book if you want your marriage to be transformed...If you want to make sure that you always stay 100% even or ahead of your mate - and there's no debate needed on the subject - then you probably shouldn't read it...

Cheers!!
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
corley may
You really have to be strong and openminded the first time you read this book. I am so thankfull that Mrs. Pearl wrote this book. It has really opened my eyes to the way I was living my life and the way I treated my husband and reacted to him.
I read a couple of these reviews for this book and a lot of the women mentioned the fact that Mrs. Pearl points out a lot of problems lie with us women. Well I'm sorry but that is true. How can anything change if at least one person in the relationship isnt willing to make a change? What is the best sorce to go to for help? The Bible. Mrs. Pearl has many many scriptures you can go to yourself and read God's words on wives and what we should do. That is what I want.... to do what God says to do, not what man says to do.... and she helps you to find everything that the Bible says to do.
Change is always hard, so of course people will always balk at it if its somthing you have to change about yourself first.
Please dont pass this book up if its somthing that could actually change your life , for the BETTER!
This book is awsome!
I highly highly reccomend this book!
sheri
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
laginia
This is a must read for every mother, wife or soon to be wife! It will help you see past all the feminist liberal propaganda and see where God really designed you to be! It will help you grow past your own immature selfishness and grow into a happy fulfilled woman honoring God!

I recomend this book to everyone I know and I am going to get copies for my daughters for when they are old enough to start considering marriage. I will also get a copy for my son's some day wife so that she will know what God expects of her as a Help Meet!

Love it!

I keep reading it again and again! Even my husband says he can tell that I love him unselfishly now and our already wonderful marriage is now breathtaking!
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
lanny
I am a 35 year old married woman and mother of 2 under 6. If you genuinely want to help your marriage then read this book and learn from it. Everything has read true to me and many other women that I know. We have discussed the book over the summer. Some of the reviews have said that women are in danger from being abused if they take Debi's word true to heart. You will interpret anything in a certain way depending on where your heart is. This book is a great help to those that are struggling in their marriage which is their life struggle. It brings you to the realization of your own actions that have gotten you to where you are, whether it's good news or bad......meaning your fault. Yes women we are at fault......we have been strongly following a Godless life and that path has not been great to say the least. If you truly want to listen in your heart to what you were created to be.....then read this book and take it all in and apply it to what you have been doing or not doing in your own marriage! The bible is quoted chapter by chapter, verse by verse throughout the entire book. It is a bible study in itself. I thank Debi and her husband for taking the time to help others in their ministry!!!!
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
nlasania
My husband and I have always had a fine marriage, but after reading this book we are both reaping the benefits and have a very happy marriage. I changed much after reading it and am very thankful to God for this book. I have found that now that I respect my husband, him and I discuss issues in our home more than ever, and now he wants my opinion and ideas whereas before we were bumping up against each other. Our home is full of peace and joy! Since reading this book, my husband has joined the military, spent 14 months in Iraq, and we have moved to Alaska. All of this and we are happier, closer, and more in love than ever. We are like newleyweds again, but without ANY arguing ever. (This is not because I have become a "stepford" wife, but because now that I have accepted my husband's position in the home and am no longer trying to usurp it for myself, I can now share my ideas and opinions freely, and he will in turn share his thoughts and opinions, and we listen to each other!) In response to other's reviews: of course not everything in a marriage is the woman's fault! But anyone who has been married for any length of time has already learned this fact: you cannot make someone change. But, perhaps, as in my case, by changing yourself, by genuinely learning how to love, respect and care for your husband, he will respond to this and will end up changing as well. I feel cherished and loved by my husband and our times together are wonderful and our times of communication are profitable. If you read this book with an open mind and pray that the Lord will show you what He wants you to learn, then you and your husband will be mightily blessed. Please notice as you ponder your choice that there are more than double the amount of 5 stars as there are 1 stars in these reviews!
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
mitchell
I loved this book. It makes a woman take account of her responsibilities as a wife and mother. Most of us know if we are failing as a wife/mother and feel guilt/depression/bitterness etc. because of it. This book points out that WE must take charge of our happiness (as a byproduct of following the Bible) and not expect others to change for us.
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
doren
Forget what public school has taught you about marriage. Forget what you read in the papers, magazines or hear on television. Open your Bible and mark each passage Debi details in her book. Pray to a Holy God for wisdom and courage because you are going to need it if you truly want to understand God's principles and precepts about marriage. This book is not for the cowardly or terminally self centered. Any person who is intellectually honest and Christ centered will see that this book is nothing but truth and love.

Men: Be prepaired to have your life changed. If you and your wife read this and she doesn't want to model her role in marriage, you are going to be sad. You will see and understand what God's model is for your wife and you will desire for her to have the joy that God intended her. If she does want to model her role, you are going to know what heaven on earth is like. Regardless of her decision, you are also going to be aware that you are going to be judged by a Holy God for how you behave in your role.

Women: This book will change your life if you have the courage to accept the truth and act on it. Regardless of what your husband does you will still have to answer to God. It is with the utmost love that the truth is being related in this book. If you're wanting a book that tells you that you are right and your husband is wrong then this ain't the book for you. If you want a book that doesn't flinch at giving God's word you will not be dissapointed, buy this book. If you want a happy, fulfilling marriage then apply this book to your life.

The information in this book is right. I pity the nay-sayers come judgement day.

Feminist: If you are tired of the lies that reflect your life then buy this book, otherwise keep living your lies.

Christians: After sitting through decades of church services, Other than the Bible, this is the first time I have ever heard the truth laid out so simply and completly. Don't think for a moment you have ever heard the truth about God's precepts on marriage just because you go to church. Every lesson I remember at church safely skirts the issues that Debi couragously champions in this book.

I have read this book from cover to cover and I agree with it completely. If 'Holy sex' is as good as this book I can't wait to read it!!!
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
emmy woessner
This book is so practical! It's such a helpful tool in your marriage! Women today have lost sight of a biblical marriage and adopted the worlds teachings and marriages are failing everyday. Get this book , grab your bible and a cup of coffee and enjoy! Watch your marriage blossom
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
nitin
It should be obvious from the title that Debi Pearl does not understand the Bible. In the King James translation of the Bible, God says "It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him." The word "meet" is an adjective meaning "appropriate," not just a misspelling of "mate" as too many people imagine. So the question is "what is appropriate"? If Adam is strong, intelligent, and independent, then (one might reasonably argue) so too should be Eve. But, whatever you think is appropriate, Pearl has shown even in the title of her book that she doesn't really care what the Bible says or means. (I guess her husband didn't correct her, so she had no other way of knowing!)
★ ★ ☆ ☆ ☆
dandra
This book has some truth to it, however the reasoning for the truth is poor. Debi Pearl takes scripture out of context! (ex. pg 110) When she inserts her opinion, which is often, she is harsh, unloving and often just gives bad advice. It is unfortunate because there is truth to biblical submission and I would reccommed books from Susan Hunt, Martha Peace, Leslie Vernick, Douglas Wilson, John Piper, Wayne Grudem and Bryan Chappell instead. Avoid this one.
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
deborah d
I just finished mine and I stand amazed. As a Bible Study teacher for women, I have read a lot of good Christian books on marriage over the years, but this one stands apart. It's hard hitting Scriptural truth is convicting and liberating at once. I can already see it is helping me in my old marriage of almost 30 years and I didn't think it needed too much help! One young woman I gave it to was so frustrated in her marriage that she had taken off her wedding band ready to call it "quits". Why? Because her husband wasn't a Christian, "he was a jerk", they were poor, etc....She was sick and tired of the "abuse". Well I gave her the book (on the recommendation of a gal whose church is doing it as a study this summer)--Well! About a month later, this same gal excitedly shows me her copy is tattered and worn--explains that "I take it everyday everywhere with me" and says that it totally turned around their marriage. She said she is now in love with her husband--and he with her!--she did all the things the book said to do--looked up all the Scriptures it said to look up--did all the little things it said to think about--and on TOP OF ALL THAT--her husband came to church (finally!) and gave his life to CHRIST!!! Two months later she still reports new and great things going on in their home.

God's ways are so much higher than our ways. Imagine, serving others (her husband and family first) is PURE JOY. A picture of heaven on earth.
★ ★ ★ ★ ☆
mariam qozi
My aunt gave me this book when I mentioned I needed some "titus 2" type relationships. We don't live near each other and I was struggling with the fact that no other Christian women I knew seemed to believe the husband is the head of the home. I struggled with what this meant for me.
I LOVED this book. There were definately some things I did not agree with, but overall the book gave me direction, instruction and encouragement to rely on Christ and to ask him to guide me in this ministry of helpmeet and mom.
This book IS NOT warm and fuzzy. There are going to be times when you want to yell at Debi Pearl and get defensive about your actions. But the truth is the truth and she tells it like it is. It is so easy for us to get into a pitty party about all the work we do, our boredom, our husband's not understanding, etc. But the truth is, no matter who else is involved or what's done to us, we are responsible for OUR actions and attitudes. She "calls us out" on that.
This is a book I'm keeping and plan to read over and over as I need reminding of a lot of it :). I have a long way to go to become the best helpmeet i can be, but this book is helping me get there.
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
lucy clark
Before You Rule This Book Out, Pray For Wisdom. There are many negative reviews of this book (and others by the Pearls). I believe that is because Christians today have hardened their hearts toward God's Word. Please don't allow this to happen to you. Do you think the divorce rate would be as high as it is if Christians really obeyed the word? So why are as many Christians divorcing as non-Christians? Because they're doing the same things as the non-Christians! They are saying the same things to their husbads, having the same attitudes, refusing to submit, and partaking of the world's pleasures just like the non-Christians. They are doing is Satan's way. So what is God's Way?

I have a Mr. Command Man. We had been married for almost two years and had a 6 month old baby. I was in a constant state of frustration-at times pulling at my hair and banging my head against the wall. My husband's unwise decisions (without asking for my input) and the way he treated me (like a child) were creating stress and emotional problems....or was it my lack of fear of the Almighty God?

I did not believe in divorce, but I hated our relationship and I could not figure out what was wrong. I loved my husband and I thought that I was a good wife, but it was not the fairytale marriage that I grew up watching on television. He did not treat me the way I thought I should be treated and I was tired of it. I finally packed a bag and left for the day. He wouldn't let me take the baby. Later we talked and he said that we would get counseling. I thought, "Great, now he'll get it where it hurts. They'll tell him what a louse he's been."

We met with a mature Christian couple that we both respected. They showed us Scriptures about both of our roles as marriage partners, about the Covenant that we made, and about what the Bible really says about divorce. At times I felt like they were beating up on ME because it seemed like I was the one getting more admonishing. But I loved the Lord and I knew when the Scriptures were opened that I had to obey The Word. This couple was doing exactly what the Scripture tells them to do. Titus 2 says that the older women should teach the younger women to "....love their husbands....submit to their own husbands..." not to badger and nag their husbands to do get their own way. I had been using emotional manipulation (self abuse) to control my husband. When it didn't work (because I have a Mr. Command Man) things got worse. Well, after four months of Bible Study on marriage, they presented me with a copy of "Created To Be His Help Meet" and we were on our own. I really enjoyed the fellowship that came along with those Bible Studies, and I respected their advice. When I read the book, I was broken. Their counsel along with Debbi Pearl's wisdom opened my eyes to my sin. The reason that it felt like I was being blamed because I was the one who was to blame. Yes, my husband should do his part. But that's between him and God. MY PART is between me and God. And God told me that He was not happy with me. The ball was in my court.

No, Debbi Pearl is no theologian. She is an older woman teaching younger women. This is a book for woman and that is what she addresses. She does not tell men what to do to heal their marriages because God did not tell her to do that (see Titus and get the tape "For Men Only" by Michael Pearl). She is doing what all of today's modern "women pastors" should be doing instead of preaching theology and doctrine to men. They should be teaching women how to be wives and mothers.

If you have a Mr. Steady or Mr. Visionary, you will need to do things a lot differently than if you have a Mr. Command Man. These issues are discussed in this book. Every situation is different and that is where wisdom comes in. Debbi Pearl is a very wise and MATURE Christian. I wish my parents had taught me what I learned in this book. Things would have started off a lot better.

If you seek God's Heart on the subject of your marriage, you have got to read this book. It is Scriptural. And it will step on your toes. It's not a feel-good, tickle your ears book. That's not the kind of God we serve. But it is a book of hope for those of us who have lost our way. That is the kind of God we serve. He is to be feared. Those who have not heeded the warnings in "Created To Be His Help Meet" have no fear of God. That is evident by the many children who are molested, abused, murdered, and torn by divorce (all caused by parents who do not obey the word). Think about it: if you were a keeper at home and kept your own children in your care every minute of every day because God told you to, would you allow someone to hurt your children?

It is a shame that Debbi had to write this book because Christian women were not obeying the Bible. I was one of those women. But she has stepped up the way Titus has told her to. This book and the Fear of the Lord saved my marriage. We will soon be celebrating four years of marriage and we have two beautiful little girls. They will learn how to submit to God because they will see the example that I have set before them by submitting to their father. And it will be easier for them. They will not have to learn the hard way. What better gift to give your children?

Read this book for yourself and compare it to the Written Word. Don't refuse it because someone said that it put too much responsibility on the woman. You are responsible before the Lord for doing your part to honor the covenant that you made before Him. You will answer for your sins just like your husband will answer for his. And if you're afraid of that, then you, my friend, are becoming wise. Don't stop now!
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
richard gibson
A neighbor loaned me her copy, although I didn't ask for any help or recommendations for reading material. She insisted that this book could "save" my marriage and help me grow closer to God. If you are considering gifting this book, please be sure that your recipient will appreciate the gesture and you may want to read it yourself beforehand. Otherwise, one could assume that you agree with author on several important aspects of womanhood and Christain living.

The cover of the book claims that you will discover how God can make your marriage glorious. I didn't read it cover to cover, the chapters I did read were almost stomach turning and the only thing I discovered is how little I enjoy the author.

On page 27, the auther begins with One Ugly Hillbilly! Where she describes a "overweight hillbilly woman" who worked in the local hardware store. She is so cruel in her judements of this women I had a very difficult time trying to to understand what point she was illustrating from this story. Except for the very last two sentences that state "You may not be an ugly hillbilly, but there are other kinds of ugly. Women spend billions of dollars every year to make themselves more attractive, but the most effective beauty aid is free-a joyful smile." Perhaps the auther should have reviewed John 7:24 before writing this book. (("Do not judge according to appearance, but judge with righteous judgment." (John 7:24))

By far the most offensive page for me was page 71, titled "A New Breed of Women". She begins talking about hard working single mothers, describes them as "They dress cheaply; their hair ragged cut, and the dark circles under their young eyes testify to their faded hope." She goes on to characterize single mothers as underpaid, desperate for work, who don't provide quality childcare for their unhappy children. She claims they sometimes turn to other single moms for comfort and intimacy. She doesn't say it directly, but it's shockingly clear to the reader that she's talking about lesbians. She continues on with "They grow old eary, trying futilely to care for unruly children whom no man wants to stepfather." Also insisting that the men who do show interest in single moms are really hiding perverted intents towards the children. The author sums it up by stating the kids are angry and often get into trouble. I would love to know where she did her research, I can only assume the author conjectured these presumptious attributes of single mothers from her own judgemental heart.

There were several concepts and themes' this book is based on that I feel are grossly outdated. Submiting to your husband, men are the head of the wife, wives are are to be subjected to their husbands. Clearly this is not a book I would have EVER picked for myself. If your interested in reading it, keep it to yourself. If you really think someone would benefit from reading it as well, suggest it to them but please don't push it on them...it's rude.

In my opinion, some of the advice in this book in unbelievable. I would never encourage a woman to stay married to a man who molested their children, or continue to allow this person contact or visit the children while imprisoned. And the idea that "the chain of authority must remain intact, even to the point of allowing some abuse. Telling women to endure it and take it patiently is absured!!!
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
thomasina
I would recommend this book to anyone desiring to follow God's plan for marriage. The author backs up everything she says with scripture.
I read several reviews before I decided to purchase this book, and was astonished at some of the criticism that came from Christians. When I received the book, I actually took the time to look up several of the critical remarks, and found that they were totally taken out of context. Example: One critic said that the author married her husband 8 days after their first date, which is true, however, what the critic failed to mention was that the author and her then would-be husband had known each other for 7 years BEFORE their first date and had become friends. Every single one of the critical remarks left out important information like this, in order to convince you not to read this book. Some of the information in this book is hard to swallow if you are used to 'wearing the pants' in your family. Being 'hard to swallow' doesn't make it any less scriptural. If you are a Christian, but believe in women's liberation, then I CHALLENGE you to read this book and take the time to look up everything in the Bible.

Finally, keep in mind what the Bible has to say in 2 Timothy 4:3 - "For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear." (Ouch)
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
plorqk
If my review title made you "bow up", you're already coming up to bat with 2 strikes against you.
For those of you who think husbands are off the hook: [...]
This book radically transformed my marriage. I'm the husband. Married 30 years. Thought that I couldn't love my wife more. But wow, after she (and I) read this book. . . . and "we" begin to put things into practice. . . . radical transformation. Passion is incredible, relationship is incredible, consideration for and respect for each other has improved radically. It's all about giving up our "self-created/society-created" rights.

Talking with friends, Christian brothers and sisters, I've concluded that those who disagree, have problems with, even despise and hate this book have:
1. had (or have a friend who's had) a brutal relationship with a past husband,
2. grown up in a terribly broken family, with an abusive husband/dad.
3. are a single mom who's husband/child supporter is deadbeat, selfish, or aloof.
4. a mom/wife who works outside the home, making good money in order to maintain a high standard of living.

The majority of society today, I'm afraid won't be able to stomach this book. It's thick, unpleasant tasting medicine for those who begin to follow it. But many who have tried it, and stuck with it. . . . blessings beyond belief!

Some say it's a "dangerous" book, a prideful,arrogant book. Those are the folks who are usually unwilling to yield their "rights" for their husband, who, by the way, should also be yielding his "rights" for his wife. Those are usually the folks who've had hurtful circumstances in the past, who don't think there's anything that could improve (or even save) their marriage. These are the folks refusing to see a better way.

I encourage you not just to read it, but begin to put it into practice. . . take the medicine.

If not, you can always go back to doing what you've been doing and keep getting what you've been getting.
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
benji cossa
This book is a wonderful elaboration on the scriptures. For a long time I flew through Prov. 31, Titus and the other scriptures on how a wife ought to be towards her husband. This book really brought it home to my heart and my mind what my call in life is. I am forever greatful to Debi for her unwillingness to compromise the scriptures and 'say it like it is'. Look at Jesus he allowed His rights to be trampled over and He is the Son of God. How much more does God glory when we love our husband in the mist of trials or unfair treatment. Plus think of all the unfair treatment your husband gets from you!!!
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
chuck slack
If you are a Christian wife, you need this book! The world has imparted much knowledge about what it means to be a wife - most of which is not Biblical. Debi Pearl shares what the Bible says about being a wife, gives plenty of real life examples, and backs it all up with scripture. This book is well written and when read with a prayerful and open heart, has the power to transform and save your marriage. Some of the things Debi has to say are tough to swallow, but that just reminds us of how far we have come from Biblical standards. As the Bible says, a wife can win her husband without a word. She can also transform him by obeying the Word of the Lord.

I have shared this book with sisters and friends. It would be an incredible gift for a soon to be or new wife who could prevent many of the mistakes the rest of us have made. Wives can win back their husbands and children, strengthen their families, and show the world that wonderful marriages come from trusting in and obeying the Lord.
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
lorenzo sanyer
Submission to your husband may be a biblical mandate, but it says nothing in the bible about turning over every last piece of free will you have to him. It says nothing about admitting you are wrong, when you are not; says nothing about allowing your husband to make decisions that could kill off your family's financial stability.

What Debi Pearl is advocating women do is not only submit to their husbands, but submit to him in a most in-humane and spirit losing way. She is trying to teach women to have no soul--to take on the burden of everything done in her home--that it is all their fault. It couldn't possibly be the husband's fault--they never do wrong.

Your husband wakes up in a grumpy mood and complains about cold coffee? It's all your fault, according to Pearl. Warm his coffee and beg for forgivness--ask him if there was anything you could have done wrong for him waking up grumpy and ask him how you can correct it.

Baloney. Marriage is a TWO way street. It takes TWO to make a union last. If something that will affect the family needs to be done, the FAMILY should sit and discuss it. Not the husband the only one making the decision.

If you want to creat a world of daughters who become wives who accept every verbal assault, take the blame for every wrong, and do nothing but make babies and bread all day--go ahead and give them this book.

But if you want to create women who are STRONG in their faith, STRONG in themselves and know that they will find a spouse who will be as **equally**(keyword here) strong--you need look no further than the bible. Sure, it preaches Submission, but it gives clearer guidelines for doing so. It also give realistice expectations of EACH spouse--not just the woman.

You don't need a book written by child abusers, to tell you how to be abused by your husband.

~~Toni
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
sushrut
This is the best marriage book I have ever read. Full of proven Biblical truths. I recommend this book to any woman who has a teachable spirit and is seeking a happy Godly marriage. Debi is full Godly wisdom.
★ ★ ★ ☆ ☆
nishant
I recieved this book as a gift after I told about my depression and the difficulties in my marriage. (I have not finished it yet) Yes, it has good things to say. And it mostly interprets the Bible correctly (in my opinion). However, it can be very judgmental and harsh to women who are sincerely trying to follow God in their marriage. To see the book as less than wonderful does NOT make a person a raging feminist. The greatest detriment to my marriage and my motivation to be a Godly wife, was the teaching that the woman is ultimately responsible for her husband's behavior. For several years, I gave up trying to please my husband because there was absolutely nothing I could do to please him. Every marriage is different. Every wife and/or husband relate differently. This book is very narrow and legalistic - saying that if a woman is not behaving as the Pearls believe she should, she is far out of God's will. This is totally unbiblical.
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
omaima
This book has changed my life. I am so completely thankful for Debi Pearl following the commands of the Lord to teach the younger women. I grew up not knowing how to be a wife. All I lived was bad examples. I divorced less than two years into my "first" marriage. I was a single mother. I am happy to say that I have remarried my husband 14 years later. It did not start off well. I was becoming the same wife he left behind all those years ago. Reading this book has taught me valuable lessons that I did not know the Bible taught. Mrs. Pearl is a very wise woman. Thanks to her writing this book my marriage is now very happy and healthy. I have never felt so adored in my whole life and never so happy. We women have a job and it is motherhood and keepers of the home. Thank you Mrs. Pearl for writing this. This book has saved my marriage and made me such a happier person. Living in my own misery was a way of life for me. No more! This book has set me free. It can set you free too! Thank you!!!!!! I can't thank you enough!
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
siradee
Like many women I try to take control in my home. It's hard to step back and walk with your husband instead of jumping out in front. I'm hoping this book will help me understand how to be the wife God intended me to be. Try "The Love Dare" from the movie Fireproof. I'm just getting started. God is good.
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
parisa khorram
I am only on chapter seven when I write this review but WOW what an awesome book. I am 38 and in my second marriage and now see where I have gone wrong. Not only that I see myself reverting to my old ways and don't even what to go there. This book has helped me to start repairing my present marriage and only after 7 short chapters my husband is even seeing a change and loves it.

Debie Pearl, is so on the money with this book and scriptural basis is abundant here. She doesn't mince words in this book, she is straight and to the point.

Don't let the negative poster of the comments put a damper in your thought of this book read and enjoy the others that are all wonderful testimonies as to what this book can and will do for you and your husband.

May God bless you abundently and repair any thing he needs to repair in your marriage.

Happy marriage to you.
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
michael duggan
I purchase this book a number of years ago and have read it many times. Without a doubt, I believe that this is the best book on marriage a woman can read. Debi's use of God's Word is spot on...hard to hear maybe...but not taken out of context. Created to Be His Helpmeet has taken my miserable marriage and turned it around...not perfect yet...but definately not on the path it would have been on had I not read the truths in this book. I guess the proof is in the pudding. Look at the fruit in Debi's own life (the joy in her marriage as well as the lives of her daughters). My girls and future daughter-in-laws will all receive this book as a wedding gift! Thanks again, Pearls, for encouraging us to live joyfully for Christ!
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
ofra
I have a glorious marriage. I love my husband and we have a wonderful life together. Coming from a dysfunctional family (to say the least) I had no idea how the whole family thing was supposed to be done. I cried out to the Lord and He planted little nuggets of wisdom in my soul. Then I find the Pearl's materials. WOW! If I could have written a book on marriage and family this would be it! I have several copies, they are great gifts as well. If you need help in your marriage, PLEASE READ THIS BOOK. It will make all the difference in the world. Some will say that she blames the woman for everything- that is not true, she just lets you know what YOU can do to change your marriage. Michael Pearl is writing a book for the men. She,being a woman, is speaking to the women about things they can do.
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
markland
First the No greater Joy books now this book has changed our lives just in the last six months. Its so easy to become infiltrated with all the diluted pyscobabble of today and live a survival mode life in frustration or you can heed GODs word which is clear and simple and live a full of joy life. The word tells us to obey our husbands and for our husbands to love of us like Christs loves the church, and just because he may not be taking his responsibility seriously does not pardon us from ours. We answer to God and He has commanded
us. He created us and knows whats best just as we know whats best for our children.
★ ★ ☆ ☆ ☆
randy schultz
Mrs. Pearl has some good advice here... but unfortuantely the book is mired in much of the Pearl's doctrinal views to be of any good help to those with troubled marriages. She places the weight and burden of the entire marriage on the wife. No study on the one verse that husbands should "love their wives as Christ loves the Church" type of advice. I found Mrs. Pearl to be insensitive to those with legitimate problems and flippant or legalistic towards those who disagree or contradict their views. There are far better books to read if you want to improve your marriage... this book only stirs up debate and controversy.
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
jerry cook
I loved this book, it made my marriage better and full of joy! It is not written to husbands or men, it is not meant to change them. It is meant for women, better yet wives. I think this is a must read. It is full of scripture, the whole second half of the book is a breadown of Titus 2:4. A very in depth study. If you are looking for a book to tell you how right you are and how wrong your husband is, don't buy this, you will be one of few that don't like it. If you would like to know God's will for you as a wife, then this is for you!
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
darren wood
Controversial, yes this book certainly is full of edgy information and may be considered by some to be, a real hot potato. But don't let that scare you! Debi Pearl candidly explores the wife's role in marriage and presents Biblical truth expertly. If you are happy with the status quo, read something else. But if you desire a better life and marriage, dig into this book. From a guy's point of view I can simply say that I love what this work did for my wife. She read it enthusiastically and I enjoyed hearing every nugget that she shared with me. This was another life changer for my family...thanks Debi!
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
mischelle
This book was a shock to my system and it was just the shock I needed! After reading this book our marriage has been incredible. I had completely bought into the feminist mumbo-jumbo and we were really struggling. This book is about looking at a wife's role in marriage - not a husband's. If you're looking for a book that will "fix" your husband this is not the book for you. I learned to take responsibility for my part in our marriage (which is the only part we can control anyway - what WE do). Mrs. Pearl is a "bottom line" type gal, which I can appreciate. I highly recommend it. Don't be deterred by the negative reviews - I almost was and it would have been a huge mistake. It's not that expensive, check it out for yourself.
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
jessica sullivan
I know that some women just swear by this book, but a lot of what Mrs. Pearl talks about is simply unBiblical. Do a google search on this book and look for a blog by spunkyhomeschoolspot and you will see why there are some big problems with this book.
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
annouchka
.......former career girl writes................

HA! IT'S WORKING ALREADY! I LOVE THIS BOOK! I have to laugh out loud at Debi's fun writing style and at how this works instantly!

My hubby is out of town and he called me on the phone while I was reading..... (even though I really wanted to keep reading and not talk to him....I used what I have learned so far...and put him first...) I acted young and carefree... and he was all like "what has gotten into you?" and he is being all sweet to me... and he said "you sound like you did when we were dating!"

REALLY this book is so enjoyable to read that I am having a hard time putting it down. I can't wait to read more things written by the Pearls! THIS IS ONE OF THOSE BOOKS YOU KEEP AND READ OVER AND OVER!!!! I AM GETTING A COPY FOR MY MOM..... I think the chapter on a JOYFUL heart would be helpful for anyone feeling depressed. I practiced the joyful heart stuff today...and had my toddlers singing and dusting with me all day....it was WONDERFUL! I FEEL BLESSED ALREADY!
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
lynne perednia
I am shocked at all of the negative comments. It is my goal to provide someone who is interested in possibly purchasing this book an idea of what the book is about.

1) This book is for married Christian women. If you are a man, single, or not a Christian, this book is not for you. This book is based off of Biblical principles (found throughout virtually every page) and speaks directly to those women who want a better marriage. While it is for women who want to save their marriage, it is also for those women who have a good marriage, but want theirs to be better.

2) I have heard that this book encourages women to stay in relationships by abused husbands. I was intrigued by this since I have read many of the Pearl's writings and found nothing of the sort (I figured it was like their other book where people claim something, but never have any evidence since it is not there). So I read this book LOOKING for even a hint of this example. This is what I found:

In one of the stories, Debi refers to a woman she met. It was slightly mentioned that some sort of physical abuse has taken place in the past. So slight, I almost missed it. Anyways, there were also many other issues with this husband verbally abusing her and such. He was a jerk to put it lightly The woman talked to Debi and Debi mentioned how she expected her to tell her how she was leaving her husband, but to her surprise, the woman stated she loved her husband and told her she wanted to make it work.

Debi told her if she was so insistent on staying, she can't stay and play the victim (basically). If she wants to stay, she has to do it for the right reasons and to win him over the Lord. That's what the woman did, and eventually, the man did get saved and now they have a wonderful marriage because she loved him when he was unloveable.

In no way did Debi say that you had to do this. She simply told the story of this woman and was making the point that we can't stay with our husbands and complain about them. We can't control their decisions. Even if they are scum, it doesn't give us a right to treat them the same way. Jesus loved us...and we've all treated Him like scum. If we are to love like Jesus, we are to love the unloveable.

Debi never told the woman to stay in a physically abusive relationship. She only told this woman's story. Her decision.

This book also has some coarse language in it. I honestly did not like it at first. However, the words are used 100% in context and not as a curse or slang word.

3) People are saying that Debi is blaming the wife for all of the problems in a marriage. People who say this couldn't have read the book. On multiple occasions, Debi points out that she realizes many women are just bitter....and many are telling the truth. She gives you the benefit of the doubt that your husband treats you like scum, but she reminds her readers that she is not writing to the men (her husband has written a book for that). There is nothing we can do when our husbands sin. They have to work out their own salvation, but there is something we can do about our own sin....so yes, the entire book talks about our failures as wives and about how we can make our marriage better from our side. The men's book does the same for their side. This is just a ridiculous argument.

Those were the ONLY potential negatives that I find anyone would have with the book. With that being said, even if you disagree with one or two items that Debi states, she has wonderful insight and the rest of the book is certain to be encouraging for your marriage.

Although my husband and I had a good marriage. I had harbored a lot of bitterness some things. My bitterness, led to his bitterness. I was justified in my assessment of him for the most part, but for the last 7 years, my nagging and complaining never changed his heart. Sometimes it changed his actions, but he would only do it to please me and keep from a fuss.

After reading this book and implementing it for two days, my husband commented on the big change in me! After I told him about this book, he wanted to read Michael's book (he hates to read).

Our marriage is still a work in progress, but in the last couple of months, God has done more for our marriage than ever. Why didn't someone give me this book at a bridal shower?!
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
jockkoman
This book focuses on mostly the "obey" part of the marriage vows for the woman. There is some good points but mostly say submissive wives are the only way to have a happy marriage. They advocate in this and other books abusing your children, recommending to keep weapons in every room of the house and the car in the event your child acts like a child you can beat them quickly. Talk about misinterpreting the Bible!!! I am sure the Lord is disappointed in them as well. My sisters and I are burning their books in the fireplace later...seriously. Children have died due to their teachings. Do NOT buy this book!
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
joe brown
I have bought so many copies and given them away. Best book ever for any and every woman married, divorced or single!!!!! God is with this woman!!! Let the holy spirit take you for a journey. Not for the faint of heart. She tells it to you straight.
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
gasser elsaqa
I couldn't recommend this book enough! It was suggested to me from a friend a few years before I ever got married and I read it then and thought it was enlightening. Now that I'm married I make it a point to read it multiple times a year. Anytime I need a good slap in my face I can always count on Mrs Pearls words to help whip me in shape. Its done wonders for my marriage. This is the only book I recommend to my friends to read about being a good wife. Any book from Debi Pearl is worth the time and money as far as I'm concerned.
Please Rate Created To Be His Help Meet 10th Anniversary Edition- Revised
More information