Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People

This book has been extremely helpful. I have read other books which recommended being more resilient and this book gives a more informative directive on how to achieve resilience. I appreciate the insight into my own behavior which has lead me to
become a victim of covert abuse.
God Bless You!

If you administer people or just interact with people professionally or socially, this is the book for you. In my experience, at least 5% of people are difficult, self-centered, and manipulative narcissists. This book shows you how to draw a line in the sand to protect yourself from being abused. It is a fast read but packed with valuable advice and examples. I have read it 3 times and get more out of it each time.

Other positive reviews for this book are spot-on. It has shifted my own paradigm significantly, for the better, by explaining the NECESSITY of viewing character disordered (author's definition) individuals for who they are and their actions for what they are. After teaching the reader that he/she must decide to stop accepting, rationalizing, and excusing the undermining, detrimental, and manipulative behavior of the wolf, the author then provides actionable advice for interacting with wolves that is actually effective.

It gives the insight of the personality which explains why they behave like that. Specifically a covertly-aggressive personality is well described and I appreciate the author's verbalization to define it. I had been suffering from the relationship with a covertly-aggressive personality for many years which is somewhat different from a Narcissist. It took me a long time to figure out what has happened in that relationship and gives me a complete freedom from the echos of all abuse from the covertly-aggressive person. I STRONGLY recommend this book to all FORENSIC PSYCHOLOGIST since a covertly-aggressive person can easily mislead the situation even the psychologist who is not prepared to encounter this personality.

Helpful book for understanding what some people are up to when you think they are your friend but they are really not what they appear. It is so helpful to read about what really goes on in the minds of people who are predators but who appear to be a friend. This will help you to not make the same mistake with someone else in the future by offering insights into people who have a different way of thinking and who are not what they appear to be.

Very valuable insight. You really have to read the entire book to get what you need to out of it; don't give up in the middle and say it isn't good. Once to get mostly through it you'll see how it all fits together. Knowledge is power! I now feel more capable of standing up to manipulative people and seeing them for what they are.

If you need to cut the bulls*** with yourself and stop getting used up, mistreated, and confused by people in your life--check out this book. So often we make excuses for other people's bad behavior, and hurt ourselves in the process. This book will help you take a step back and remove the rose-colored glasses. Sometimes the right move really is to get out of the relationship and be free.

Wow...everyone in the business world or just in the world should read this book. I read so many examples of behavior that I didn't know was manipulative until I read this. It helps you deal with people who are manipulative, not overtly....like your relative who say's inappropriate things and you don't know why. You learn about covert and overt manipulation and how to deal with it...it is also good to use when dealing with children.....those little budding manipulators :)

After four years of trying to analyze or understand my partner and thinking I was going crazy- I happened
Upon this book. Immediately, my life was on these pages....my partner's story in black & white. Thank you.

My therapist recommended this guide book to easily identify covert-aggressive types in order to help prevent my re-victimization. I'm not "into" self-help books, but this clearly explains the mentality behind manipulators and illustrates each tactic style with a relatable story. It really helped open my eyes to see people for what they are despite what they claim- to stop sacrificing my instincts over fear of being impolite.

Reading this book has informed me about relationships with several people in my life. Now that I understand that dynamics of how these people get their needs met I am able to decode their words and behaviour to more effectively enforce my own boundaries. It has also made me aware of my proclivities toward manipulative people. I suggest this book to EVERYONE. It's an interesting read from front to back and you might be surprised at what you learn about yourself and the people around you.

This book made so much sense in explaining manipulative people. It helped validate my reality; and now I know I am not crazy. I have just been gaslighted. It was interesting to find understand the concept of gaslighting and how it is used to control people. I believe this also happens in many religions. Great book, great concept, very important information to have.

Amazing information. I wish I knew this information as a young adult. After suffering verbal and emotional abuse for 4 years this book was very validating and educational. It was interesting to read the tactics and then instances from my past relationship came flashing back. Covert aggressors will rob you of life. The information in this book is vital. Wish the court system was educated this way.

As a person who has been covertly manipulated for years, this book has been an introduction into the terminology of the life I have been living. Dr. Simon's examples help to digest each concept, and I often found myself thinking, "this or that has happened to me". I absorbed this book slowly. I would read a little and then ponder concepts, or go onto the internet to delve a little deeper into that particular subject. It has been therapy for me in many ways.

First half good, good definitions and descriptions, not enough solutions. Also the examples were too tame. There are much bigger and darker wolves out there than the ones described here. Came away with understanding, but not alot of tools. Overall however worth reading, especially if kindle price was a little lower. Worth $7 on kindle not $9.99

This book coupled with otheres have created a great lifelong learning experience that has changed the way I live and perceive the world around me. This has been a great read!
I definitely recommend this book.

Very easy to read and understand. I was looking for specific traits and did find them listed further back in the book. It has helped me understand how I was being manipulated and how to counter it. It was very informative without going into tons of detail and medical jargon, More of a quick reference book to help you understand what's going on without dragging it out. Recommend.

I would recommend this book to anyone, even if you cannot name or identify the manipulators in your life now, by the time you complete this book, you’ll be able to identify patterns of manipulation, and have action steps to turn situations around. Very enjoyable and easy to understand. Author gives examples in various environments which I found helpful.

I was raised in Catholic family, where you always deserved forgiveness because of your Good intentions. The book made me realize that some people to whose manipulation I am vulnerable to, simply don't have "good intentions". They are so focused on winning that nothing will stop them. A bite of greatly prepared knowledge.

This was an eye opener. To see the way manipulative people use your own character traits against you to their advantage was like a light going on. I highly reccommnd this book to everyone to use in everyday relationships and in the workplace

An absolutely amazing book. This stays near for reference. You will find help, and a totally different perspective on narcissism and covert behavior, when you read this book. I have recommended it so highly that two of my friends bought it, and both feel as I do.

Easy to read and flows quickly from descriptions of manipulative behavior from covert or overt aggressive people you mat know to techniques for dealing with them.
Examines both the manipulations used and how traditional views of psychology can set us all up (therapists included) to misunderstanding the motives and tactics of the character disordered individual.
Most important point for me is they do it consciously with intent and look only at behavior never the smoke and mirros of the manipulative behavior to understand what is happening.
A must read if you are concerned a person like this is might be causing problems for you at home or at work.

As a survivor of psychopathic abuse, I now find myself a student and researcher of manipulative behavior. This book has been a stellar addition to this knowledge, and approaches the subject matter from a unique viewpoint. Enjoyed it thoroughly and highlighted the text frequently!

No nonsense, practical help dealing with an aggressively manipulative person in your life. The first part of the book has some great examples of behavior that will make you go - "Oh yeah! So that's what that was all about!" As well as a concise and interesting discussion of the author's theory about the underlying causes. And then the second half has solid advice that was instrumental in helping me negotiate a peace accord with a person like this in my life. THANK YOU!!!!

Straight talk just the way I needed it. The truth is empowering. Time to stop making excuses for the faults in others. Time to stop giving hurtful people in our lives the chance to repeat their toxic behaviour as a result of our own compulsive need to see the 'good'. I'm reading it again right now. This book is an easy read, not too long, no waffling, just the cold hard facts I've been needing.

If you've ever felt frustrated, guilty or angry and do not know why then read this book. The author gives examples of manipulative relationships that create these feelings, then details the methods the manipulators use to control their victims. He proceeds to explain how we can protect ourselves from being used by these people.
I found the book easy to read and educational as well. However,I felt that more examples of manipulative behavior would make the author's message more relevant to the reader thus more likely remembered.

This book can answer many questions one may have about aggressive personalities. The most important point I took away from this book is that there are certain people who really do just love being aggressive, controlling, mean, and condescending. If you are on the fence of buying this book consider that it may change your life.

Dr. Simon describes many different characters with different personality types, but a persistent pattern emerges which if you have ever interacted with someone truly manipulative this book will explain a lot.

It is unfortunate, but there are people out there who seek to manipulate and control at whatever cost. Odds are it could be a loved one, a friend, or someone else close. This book should be required reading before committing to a serious relationship as these manipulators seek to put you down at any cost. Reading this will open your eyes to how manipulators work, and why they choose you as a target. Being a nice and honest person does not protect oneself against these predators.

These manipulative people will pretend to be sheep, but once a relationship is formed the wolf will come out. Be warned.

This book has given me the keys to understanding the confusion, frustration and rage I have often felt while engaged in battle with a manipulative personality. I now understand that my own behavior has made me a viable victim to manipulation over several years, in different relationships. I see how I've allowed the same theme to occur: I've allowed a person to shame and guilt me, to manipulate truths and to intimidate me with abandonment and/or hostility. This is another one of those books that I've found hard to get through as the premises hit too close to home. I can see how I made it quite easy for another person to dupe and exploit me, to turn my own vulnerabilities, including being somewhat naive and overly conscientious, against me. I am eternally grateful for the author's words, as he puts it all into perspective what I have instinctually felt but was unable to call for what it is. I now feel more confident that I can recognize manipulative behavior for what it is and deal with what's coming at me head-on. The covert tactics that manipulators rely on may never stop, but at the very least, the playing field will certainly be more even. Thank you, thank you, thank you, this book will be part of my permanent library.

WOW! this was eye-opening reading! The first half is a little theoretical, but just as you feel you might loose track, a story-example is given to explain things and you're brought back into it. Very handy check-list to help identify those in your circle that might have these tendencies and good advice on how to handle them.

I have been married for 29 years, mostly happily as long as we both fulfilled our co-dependent roles. When I landed a dream job six years ago, the relationship began to subtly turn. My husband, who had retired at age 45, switched from being supportive of my (up until then mostly clerical) positions to assuming a more critical stance. I was perplext and hurt and had no understanding of the dynamic that was occurring. I actually gave up the position after 1 1/2 years due to my husband's complaints about the hot southern climate and moved to a rural area of another state. Immediately following this move, he intensified his attempts to control me; I was flabbergasted and could not fathom why he was behaving in the way he was when I had relinquished my job and was intent on forming a closer relationship with him.

It's been 4 1/2 years of mostly agony as I tried to understand his behavior, initially focusing on trying to figure out why he couldn't understand my plight. Just recently it occurred to me that he did not want to understand and just at about that time I heard about this book. I am now focusing on learning how to respond to his behavior, keeping him focused on the issue at hand and not allowing him to divert attention or to get me to react defensively. This book validates what I had finally concluded; I therefore wholeheartedly recommend this book.

Dr. Simon writes clearly and realistically regarding the ploys of highly manipulative people. His points on recognizing various types of manipulation are instructive, as are his suggestions for setting boundaries and changing our own behaviors in dealing with manipulative people in life. This book is one to keep handy for a ready reference.

Went to a training seminar of Dr. Simon's several years ago. I couldn't take enough notes! Bought the book immediately, and one for my wife, who is also an addiction counselor. We both lent our copies out, and never got them back. Good information for the professional, and the lay person, for dealing with the many persons we deal with with character disturbance in our everyday and working lives. Left me wanting more, and Dr. Simon provided it in his subsequent book.

Excellent resource in understanding the behavioral patterns and techniques people use to control and manipulate with their best interests in mind, not yours. I highly recommend this book, especially if you are in an abusive church, marriage, or workplace.

This book gives an excellent overview of the covert-aggressive personality disorder. In addition to giving invaluable insight, it is very readable by the lay-person. If you suspect that you're dealing with this kind of person and know that there's something very wrong about your relationship/interactions with him/her but can't quite put your finger on what it is and why you routinely come away from an encounter with them feeling emotionally drained and feeling like you're being used, this book can help you understand why. It spells out how these people think and why their behavior is as harmful toward others as it is (both of which are VERY different from the way most of the rest of us think and behave), what their motivations are, and why they seem willing to do anything to get their way no matter who they hurt and how much they hurt their targets, how to "get into their head" to understand what is happening and why and how to change your own behavior to avoid being victimized by them. The book describes the tactics of the covert-aggressive personality, namely: manipulation, deception, guilt-tripping by "playing the victim", the compulsive need to control everybody and everything around them all the time, the compulsive need to "win" every conflict, their focus primarily on getting their needs met at the expense of others with little to no remorse or regret, and their ability to rationalize any clearly inappropriate and/or hurtful behavior they engage in, among other aggressive traits and behaviors. It's amazing what you can do if you don't have a conscience, and these people do seem to have little or no conscience. It's important to realize that these people do know right from wrong, and can identify when a course of action is unethical, inordinately harmful to others, and/or predatory...the thing is that they simply don't care, and will pursue the harmful course of action anyway regardless of the consequences. The book shows how dangerous these people can be to their victims and offers some advice on how the reader, as one of those victims, can change their own behavior to mitigate for themselves the negative effects of the aggressor's behavior. The book also compares the cover-aggressor personality disorder with other related "aggressor" personality disorders, including some personality disorders that are even and more severe and destructive, such as: anti-social personality disorder, sociopathic personality disorder, and psychopathic personality disorder.

If you have a person in your life (such as a co-worker, a friend, or a family member) who continually drives you crazy with manipulative, controlling, hurtful, deceptive, ruthless and/or remorseless behavior, and who continually displays a lack of respect for your feelings and needs in favor of their own, you may indeed be dealing with a person with a covert-aggressor personality. If so, this book can help you identify such a person by their harmful, manipulative behavior towards you and others, and can give you strategies and guidelines for how to protect yourself from them and avoid being one of their victims. I highly recommend this book as a guide for how to deal with these people in a constructive way that doesn't give away your own rights, needs, and dignity.

Professionals in human resources and mental health services recognize this book's wise advice concerning manipulative people and how to deal with them. Having the wool pulled over your eyes by tricksters is upsetting, but it's worse when when the wool-yanker is a co-worker or a family member. IN SHEEP'S CLOTHING is an easy read and a real eye-opener for the trusting souls among us.

This book opened my eyes to understand several relationships that were troubling me. It has been immensely helpful!! I am using it to teach my kids too. Hopefully, they will not get into the same abusive cycles that I unwittingly fell prey.

This book is great for "pegging" the covert aggressive and giving you the ammunition you need for recognizing encounters with these destructive individuals. The distillation of much real clinical experience (mostly with the victims of the CA) makes it authoritative and the knowledge allows one to remain unaffected by the damaging behavior (bordering on the psychopathic). The book makes it clear that trying to "change" these individuals is likely a worthless exercise. Big thumbs-up!!

in terms of recognizing covert-agressive and manipulative behaviors, in both yourself and others.

it will make you reexamine dynamics of some of your less successful relationships and see them for what they were - power struggles and manipulative tactics to get what is desired.

the basic premise of the book is that there are people, unlike us "common neurotics", who are truly pathological in their psychological makeup and behavior.

the author gives an outline of different personalities, from your garden variety neurotic to aggressive personalities and their subtypes, and claims the primary characteristic of covert aggressive personalities is that they value winning over anything and eveything.

he gives many examples of manipulative or/and abusive relationships from his practice, some of which will ring a bell in most people.

the author names the various tactics of maipulation and control that can be used against you and proceeds on to strategies for dealing with manipulative people.

its a useful no-nonsense manual you can actually use in your everyday life, written by a professional in the field, who knows what he is talking about.

highly recommended.

They come in many colors, shapes and sizes as well as situations. If you are basically a nice person as I am, it may shock you to find out the rest of the world is not the same. This book lays it out simply.
You may well find out why it is you that is always being trampled on. Great book

The subtle tactics used by manipulative people to aggress and keep their intentions under cover have been explained very clearly in this book.This book clearly helps in earning my self respect back. I am reading excerpts from the book multiple times since the manipulation often happens at the instant and we need to be at the present. Will update more later on how this book helps in the long run.

This book has been amazing helpful. You know when you are in a situation and you think something's not right, but you can't figure out exactly what it is? Well, this book explains your intuitive reactions to manipulative people in a way that makes total sense.

My brother-in-law is incredibly manipulative. I have been dealing with him for over 20 years and know he is toxic, but I could never pinpoint how he so masterfully controls his wife, his mother and other family members, yet seems so charming and well like by non-family members.

Some good descriptions of the Covert Agressive personality type from Page 29: Covert-agressives can be deceptively civil, charming and seductive. I knew this to be the case, but could never understand why. . . Covert-aggresives can also be unscrupulous, underhanded and vindictive fighters. . .Covert-agressives have uniquely impaired consciences.

I only got part way through the book, before I thought . . . This guy (George Simon) MUST have met my brother-in-law . . . because he sure does have him pegged.

In an email that he sent just a couple of days ago, I was able to identify almost all the basic tactics a manipulator uses to control people (and I'm not kidding). First he started out by minimizing his behavior, then he lied about what he said. He deftly moved on to vilifying my husband (his intended victim). If that wasn't enough, he tried to Play the Servant role then switched to Seduction. On to more Minimizing, Lying, Vilifying, Vilifying, Seduction, Shaming, Projecting the Blame, a little more Seduction, then closes by Playing the Victim. I kid you not. Every single line of his message to my husband was a masterful attempt to manipulate the situation and put my husband and myself on the defensive.

From Page 92: Traditional models of human behavior and personality are not helpful when it comes to understanding the character disturbed individual. It is not possible to list all the tactics a good manipulator is capable of using to hoodwink or gain advantage over others. It is important to remember that when people display these behaviors, they are at that very moment fighting. They are fighting against the values or standards of conduct they know others want them to adopt or internalize. Covert-aggressive individuals are especially adept at using these tactics to conceal their aggressive intent while simultaneously throwing their opponents on the defensive. This increases the chances of they will get their way and gain advantage over their victims. Sometimes, a tactic is used in isolation. However, a good manipulator will often throw so many of these at you at once that you might not really realize how badly you've been manipulated until it's too late.

George Simon was incredibly on the mark with that last sentence. Deconstructing my brother-in-law's message resulted in identifying over 12 attempts to manipulate my husband. Finally, we can put words to our feelings and intuition about this guy. And the only conclusion we can draw is to stay very, very, far away. At 43 this guy will never change.

I highly recommend this book to anyone who is dealing with a manipulator. It may just change your life!

I would recommend this read because it is filled with a large quantity of information placed in a concise amount of pages. I read it quickly and it opened my eyes to so much. Chapter Nine deals with recognizing the tactics of manipulation and control and each tactic is explained beautifully and clearly and you become well aware of what to look for and can become prepared to deal with covert aggressives and the many ways they affect you. Read this book and you will learn so much and gain strength in your relationships and in living life! Excellent author and excellent information!!!!

George Simon's book should be a textbook in every home and every school as a learning tool and lifetime guide. He is easy to follow and comprehend. He gives examples of cases and ties them all together at the end of the book, which enforces the lessons he's trying to deliver. I love having read it and will refer to it often.

This book really starts to pick up speed half way through. It's closing points are well rounded and bring conclusion to some open ends.

I'll walk away with further insight.

Great read.

Thanks

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Loved the easy reading and clarity in behaviour patterns, along with how to confront them with a firm and fair stance.
The information in this book helps the 'invisible' become visible.
I've already applied several strategies and had immediate positive changes.
Love having clarity of what to do, especially for myself.
A must read for everyone, since we all have someone close or associated near us who is using some sort of aggressive strategy (or several) to manipulate you and others to get what they want, at a cost to others.