The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families

I loved 7 HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE -- http://www.the store.com/Habits-Highly-Effective-People-Powerful/dp/1451639619 -- I bought this one, expecting more of the same. But this book is problematic, I had to stop reading. Why? Too many places where he comes across as judgemental of anyone who is not the same religion as he is. It's subtle, but after a while, it's intolerable.I don't need his ongoing underhanded reminders that you gotta do it the way his god sayeth. Perhaps the problem is he didn't have an editor willing to red-line all those passages. This one is going on the "free books on the curb" pile.

I’ve resisted the Stephen Covey bandwagon: his particular presentation doesn’t appeal to me. His books – to me – read a bit too much like tracts. And the sappy stories and drawings kind of freak me out. I have an overall sense that he is restraining his desire to preach, to lead me to salvation, to shout ‘AMEN!’ But I won’t for one single second deny that he has an unusual insight and wisdom pertaining to success and purpose.

So I read The Seven Habits for Families. There is a lot in here. So much so that I think this is almost better used as a reference book – something to page through every now and then to mull over for a few days. From my vantage the real value of the book comes in the first few chapters when Covey explores the stimulus-pause-response cycle. Something happens – a child breaks a vase or a dad gets a bonus and we have an inclination to act. Act now. To be in the moment, so to speak. Covey takes some pages to show that this space between action and response is where we are able to direct our futures. Our decisions about how to respond set up our future circumstances. It’s a cycle that we can use to point our lives in a direction of our choosing.

Through the rest of the book he focuses on the Seven Habits with applications for families: priorities, relationships, family and personal growth. He spends a good amount of time on the family business plan: putting together a real document that outlines a family’s core principles, priorities, and goals. Take this with a grain of salt and adjust it to your family situation. Other reviewers point out that a family is not a business or a sports team. True enough. But the truism sums it up: it’s easy to get there when you don’t know where you are going. The family plan is an opportunity to talk about what is important and to set common goals. Nothing has to be written in stone. Real business plans certainly aren’t. They set goals and develop plans for how to reach them and then, at regular intervals, assess how they are doing and make requisite changes. I was impressed that Covey stresses that this is not something that is to be churned out in a weekend by dad – it’s not a rule book. He cautions that everyone in the family must be able to take the time they need to think hard about how they and their desires fit into the family. It’s clear to me that the plan is well in play when you simply start thinking about it.

The book settles nicely into Covey’s folksy, ah shucks writing style. It’s easy to read and easy to digest. Some will call it wishful thinking – this is the new millennium after all. Families look different, entertainment looks different, you can have an electronic pet if you prefer. But I think Covey would say that we still want the same thing: parents want their children to grow up to be kind and respectful. We want to enjoy meaningful time with our family and friends. Children want to be understood and listened to. Though the times change human nature remains the same.

People come to these kinds of books with different expectations. For some the book will provide a few useful tips for navigating your family toward a known goal. Others will find it a godsend of wisdom. I find it hard to imagine a family that couldn’t benefit from a reading of the Habits for Families.

Steven Covey defines an effective family as one with a family culture and gives us the 7 steps (or habits) to develop that culture. He uses many ideas from business to apply to the family organization: Develop a family mission statement; Have family meetings; Have one-on-ones; and commit to "we," much as committing to the team. The seven habits do work for the family as well as for the individual and Dr. Covey addresses how to get everyone to on board.
I am reminded of some of the solutions to the "stalls" described in the Mitchell, Coles and Metz book, "The 2,000 Percent Solution". Family traditions may no longer fit, just as The Tradition Stall in business (we have always done it this way) may be holding back progress. The Communications Stall in families (where sometimes there is no communication) is similar to the business problem of not having the message heard or understood even if the sender thinks it is clear. The Unattractiveness Stall in families (how can she wear those clothes or how can he wear his hair like that) is not unlike avoiding to work on reducing the waste because it smells bad. Both books offer processes to reach great solutions. This "& Habits leads the way to happy effective families. The 2,000 Percent Solution leads the way to progress at 20 times the normal rate (20 times a 100% solutions is a 2,000 percent solution) When you read both books, expect a real improvement in your personal, family and business lives.

I'm a grandfather with six adult children and three grandchildren. Our family life had been very difficult. I had run across Stephen Covey's books and seminars in the business world, but I never connected the principles he teaches with my family life.
Since reading this book, I've found the wisdom and courage to reach out again to my wife and children. I cannot tell you how scary, exciting, and wonderful it is to be part of a real live family. I'm working on contributing within my other families, too - my in-laws, brothers and sisters, and neighbors, too. I have been buying copies and handing them out to anyone who mentions their family, whether in a good or bad light.
This is an excellent guide to anyone who wants to be part of a real family. It doesn't matter whether you are Mom, Dad, Grandparents, or even an adult child. This wonderful book will help find the skills and courage to make your family first in your life and a refuge for all its members against the trials of modern life.
Michael Cain

This book presents a series of concepts that allow people to understand how to create a family environment most conducive for growth, understanding, and strong relationships. These concepts are illustrated with many anecdotes and first person accounts.
The concepts presented are excellent. They are easy to understand and give everyone a common vocabulary for communicating their needs and desires.
I can not think of a better book for anyone looking to build a stronger family.

CON:
I will mention a quibble I have with the book. It is not serious and is easily overcome. There is a strong nostalgia myth throughout. Along the lines of "Forty years ago society supported families, but now it erodes them."
Forty years ago many people lived in smaller communities. This did in fact help support families.
But in reality, forty years ago parents were just as threatened by changes in society and their children's behavior as they are today. As a matter of fact, gender roles and expectations may have been more deterimental to strong families than many issues we face today.
This problem is easily overcome for me by understanding that the basic idea behind the presentation of this mythology is that one must help children understand society, and that one must make commitments to the family that may meet with resistance in one's everyday life.
I am sure the this problem will be overcome for most folks by readily accepting the nostalgia myth.

I listened to the Audio CD version of this book. The presentation was well organized. With breaks built in for thought, action and reflection.

The primary message I received is that strong families do not just "happen." They take work, thought, leadership, time and give and take from all members.

The anecdotes are relevant. The habits are doable. I came away from this as someone who needs to work on their family feeling that there is hope.

A very worthwhile read (or listen.)

In introducing "7 Habits for Highly Effective families," Covey writes that societal forces have changed, and that we can no longer rely on a family-friendly society to help us with our families. That approach, which he termed the "outside-in" approach was useful in the middle of the 20th century. But at the turn of the century, when societal forces are combining to undermine the family, Covey argues that we need an "inside-out" approach, where we take greater care as parents to create a family culture that encourages goodness, morality and love.
With that premise in mind, Covey applies the 7 Habits to family life. I'm not familiar with the 7 Habits as they are applied to individuals, but as I've tried to apply them in my family I've been impressed by the results. As a husband and father, I feel as if I now have a set of tools to build and strengthen my family, and an understanding of how to use them.

In introducing "7 Habits for Highly Effective Families," Covey writes that societal forces have changed, and that we can no longer rely on a family-friendly society to help us with our families. That approach, which he termed the "outside-in" approach was useful in the middle of the 20th century. But at the turn of the century, when societal forces are combining to undermine the family, Covey argues that we need an "inside-out" approach, where we take greater care as parents to create a family culture that encourages goodness, morality and love.
With that premise in mind, Covey applies the 7 Habits to family life. I'm not familiar with the 7 Habits as they are applied to individuals, but as I've tried to apply them in my family I've been impressed by the results. As a husband and father, I feel as if I now have a set of tools to build and strengthen my family, and an understanding of how to use them.

I have read many different books about child-rearing and family relationships and dynamics, but this one is a real eye-opening! I highly recommend it to anyone who really wants to create a happy family!

Covey encourages every parent to do some soul searching to become aware as to what really is priority in life. Then, he suggests we put "first things first." I believe that most parents would admit that they do wish to have "FAMILY" comes first--above all else. But, in today's busy, often stressful daily routine of life, accomplishing that goal is often "easier said than done". Covey clearly points out the essentials...such as establishing effective communication lines through family meetings and one-on-one talks with the kids. He makes so much sense as he describes with personal anecdotes how love, values, morality, and empathy for others is a process of teaching and learning from "the inside out"...in other words from within the family rippling out to society at large. He talks about establishing a family mission statement and helps to direct moms and dads to find the courage and the skills to make changes for the better. Covey's book creates the mindset and the outline. If you have young kids like me, I recommend a perfect compliment 'how-to book' with Covey's ... called "THE POCKET PARENT." This handy book, written for parents of 2-6 year olds, is loaded with compassion and humor along with over one thousand tips and skills to try. It literally trouble-shoots many of the problem behaviors we all deal with daily-such as Angry outbursts, Bedtime, Mealtime and Clean-up refusals, Tantrums, Disrespectful attitude, the "Gimmes", Morning "Crazies", Sibling fights, Whining and many more. These 2 books (one more theoretical, the other more "hands on" practical) have changed our lives. We now have more peace and cooperation in our family---and that gives us more time to enjoy each other. Consider both books for your home reference library.

We discovered this book after being introduced to Stephen Covey's work through business (7 Habits of Highly Successful People.) We were delighted that he and his wife have applied these principles to family life, and we set to work on applying what we learned to our family.
For example, we have made a concerted effort at changing the way we listen to each other in our family. Now we truly have adopted the culture of listening first to understand, and what a gift that has been to our relationships. Time after time, we catch ourselves from going down the old useless and hurtful path of arguing/debating/proving who's experience is right, and instead stop and listen with empathy to understand.
We also recommend the picture book If I Ran The Family, for sharing these insights with kids.

This book is the positive, realistic guide all parents should have. I found the real life examples especially helpful and advice practical enough that anyone could use. Having been raised in a very difficult and punishing manner, I wanted to read a book which suggests a better way and when I meet and talk to new parents this is one of the books I always suggest parents read. It really is worth it.

I am the author of:

One Boy's Struggle: A Memoir: Surviving Life with Undiagnosed ADD

Bryan

In reading this book I have been introduced to the most common sense and easily applied principles I have ever read. This is a must read for anyone who strives to create a loving, fun, understanding family environment. The author puts his principles into easy to understand and apply ideas, such as the emotional bank account, creating a family mission statement and talks about the importance of family communication, togetherness along with one on one time. If your family is truly 1st in your life, read this book and begin making it first for everyone in your house. One of the best things about the book is his consistant use of personal stories from his family and other readers which bring it all into focus and provide ways in which you can envision the ideas working in your own family.

This is definitely a cult book in the working world. I use this daily as a pick-me-up and recommend it to everyone I meet. This book is a keeper and must become part of everyone's library. Never has there been a book that hits all aspects of a person's llife with a central focus on family except the Bible. And if my mom read it and raved about the content, that gets a big star from me!

A wonderful reading experience for any parent! I have used many of the teaching techniques with my three teenage boys and they WORK! The tapes are also of tremendous value. My teenagers and I have enjoyed them many times on the road. Thank you Steven for sharing your long life experiences with us!

Excellent ideas for successful family relationships: spouse, parents, children. The author provides many illustrations to make a point. Ideas include: emotional bank accounts, listening skills, how to teach a child a new responsibility.... traps, pitfalls, remedies.

This book is informative and would make a great resource for any family eager to improve their communication and family involvement. Gets a bit wordy after awhile and there are lots of testimonials touting Covey's other books, but overall this was a well-written & informative read.

Do yourself and your family a favor and order this book and/or the tapes/cd. It will be one of the best investments you can make for yourself and your loved ones.
The entire family should read and absorb it's concepts and principles for a happier, healthier, family life.

We started with "7 Habits for Highly Effective People" and it changed a lot of lives in the family. So we decided to try the parenting one as well and it also has helped tremendously. This is a great author to either listen to or read.

We ave a pretty typical family with two teenagers. I've read dozens of books through the years. But this is the best for someone with teenagers. I'm only on the second chapter, and it's already changed us remarkably. It is something you'll want to work through slowly with your family.

"The 7 habits of highly effective people" is among my favourite books which I always read again and again. Same with the Audio Book of "The 7 habits of highly effective people", which I have stored in my IPod and listen to it, again and again. So my expectations were high, when I ordered book and audio book of "7 habits of highly effective families". I really appreciate the insights for family and partnership in the book, but I was terribly disappointed by the audio book! The author sounds bored, not as energetic as in the original. And the wording, yes, most sentences are 80% same with the audio book of "highly effective people". This book would have deserved a better audio book version!

Once again, Stephen Covey brings his wisdom into practical advise. The concepts are universal--personal responsibility, trustworthiness, and vision-- and are necessary for a loving and "beautiful family culture." I believe that this message is vital to restore prosperity and health to our families, especially in our often family-hostile culture.

Amazing book that shaped my entire family culture. Filled with lots of good, practical advice and real life examples, taken from Covey's own life, in his children's own words. A book you read again and again as your family changes and grows and improves and regresses. . .

I love this book because every idea resonates with what I really want for my family! The true-to-life examples are what helped me the most. I highly reccommend this book to everyone who cares about their family.

While this book had some good insights and "a-ha" moments, it was too sappy for me to get past the third chapter. I enjoy a good metaphor for life as much as the next person, but there were so many in this book that the author's real messages got clouded by them. I much prefered Family First by Dr. Phil McGraw.

Other Families are NOT competition for parents! Wow, I am both shocked and disappointed by this this book. It is a repackage of the golden rule...but in an offensive way pitting parents against other parents.

On page 17 (Hardcover), Covey lists "Top Disciplinary Problems According to Public School Teachers" for 1990 in the following order: "Drug abuse, Alcohol abuse, Pregnancy, Suicide, Rape, Robbery, Assault":
(1) Drug abuse, and (2) Alcohol abuse: All my three sons were in public schools in 1990 thru 1997. None of them ever observed anyone shooting up, snorting cocaine, lighting up a joint, or drinking alcoholic beverages or being drunk in class or anywhere else in school. And these are the two biggest discipline problems?
(3) Pregnancy: What is the discipline problem? Getting pregnant during class or staying pregnant during class? Strictly speaking, a student becomes pregnant when a zygote (fertilized egg) successfully implants itself in the lining of her uterus (womb). This usually occurs (if at all) between 1 and 24 hours after intercourse. Therefore it is virtually certain that pregnancies have started while the mother-to-be was in class. But implantation gives no outward sign (until months later), so it is hard to see how it can be a discipline problem. Staying pregnant? How many students have refused to obey teachers' orders to stop being pregnant? For that matter, how many teachers have ever given such an order?
(4) Suicide. Agreed, committing suicide in class is disruptive, and should not be encouraged, but is it really an everyday occurrence?
(5) Rape: Also disruptive when committed in class, but again, is it really an everyday occurrence?
(6) Robbery: Likewise.
(7) Assault: Certainly a problem in SOME schools. Teachers, as well as other students, have been assaulted. But again, none of my sons ever witnessed even one assault IN SCHOOL.

The above list is obviously based not on fact, but on a desire to bash public schools, with two objectives: to force public schools to offer ONLY those subjects big business wants taught and to sabotage public schools so that they can be replaced by private for-profit schools. See "Why Is Corporate America Bashing Our Public Schools," by Kathy Emery and Susan Ohanian.

After reading the lies on page 17, I saw no reason to read further.

All Covey is saying in his longwinded book, basically, is this: Listen to the people you love. Put the family first in all your decisions. Blah blah blah and something about synergy.

The writing is horrible, and the metaphors are overused. I also dislike Covey's plagiarizing material from the Bible and not acknowledging where he gets his "inspiration". In one passage he equates the Bible and other books of scripture with "Chicken Soup For the Soul" as "wisdom literature". Despite being a supposed devout Mormon himself, obviously he's afraid to mention the Book of Mormon in that passage. Perhaps he's afraid of scaring away potential pigeons--I mean, readers.

This was a book my book club decided to read; otherwise I'd have never even tried to get past the first few pages. I wonder how a man who is on the road more often than not can really interact with his own family and give "us", the poor ignorant masses, advice on our own families. In one passage he even says that other people's advice may not apply to our own situations. Then how can he expect us to take his advice?

Don't waste your money. If you absolutely must read it, get it from the library. Covey doesn't need your money, he has a huge house with a basketball court and indoor pool. He's doing fine.