The Sacred Call to Self-Discovery (Spiritual Journey)

In all the search for identity, David Benner shows us the path to our true selves, which is nothing apart from God. This is a clear explanation of what the false self is, how it was formed and how we can find and develop our true self with God. It is a book I will refer to again and again on my soul care journey as well as share with others.

“Nothing is more important, for if we find our true self we find God, and if we find God, we find our most authentic self.”

Don’t let the cover fool you. I will be honest, when I first heard the title, The Gift of Being Yourself, I thought it sounded like a pathetic, self-motivational, feel-good book. Then I saw the cover of the book and I though it looked like a pathetic, self-motivational, feel-good book you would find in your church lady’s library.

But the book is actually a decent, concise look at spiritual development. Benner has some actual credentials and understanding concerning how we approach God. If we do not have a strong understanding of who I am, then I am incapable of understanding who God is.
This is not some new age spirituality. This is not a book about finding God in everything. This is about finding yourself in t
he midst of who God is. When you look at yourself you can find God and looking at God you can find yourself.

The Gift of Being Yourself was recommended to me 2 years ago. I added it to my list of reads but never purchased it. As I read the book I started reflecting on my journey realizing God's movement and activities to help me move away from False me toward True me. David Benner's writing style confronted my analytical tendencies which led me to slow down and take in each word/phrase/sentence. I appreciate Benner's spending more time on how we come to Know God by seeing the false self all of us construct and the true self emerging as we wrestle with God in the depths of our being. There are a few books that I return to over and over. I think this will be one.

Great book for those in the process of wanting to know God and self in a deeper way. Practical exercises, too, which help the reader delve deeper into both these areas. A book worth reading and re-reading.

Well written and very insightful. The author points out how easy it is for us to become self-centered even in our Christian walk. Benner helps us to look honestly at ourselves and recognize the areas we need to change while also helping us to identify our strengths and gifting.

Lifechanging! I found the words in this book like water to my dried soul. It brought life to places that only held death and darkness in the past. When God made man he said, "Very Good". We somehow bought into the devil's lies and do not realize the wonder of God's work in us. Buy this. It is an encouragement to embrace the potential that God has placed in you and become who you were intended to become.

If you are looking to find more out about yourself on a deeper and spiritual level this is the book to read! It does a wonderful job explaining how to be who God has created you to be all while nurturing yourself and learning to communicate with those around you who are at different levels than you are.

So much more than I expected. The book was recommended to me by a friend, but I had no idea. I read it through in no time and gave it to my wife immediately after afterwards. Spoke into my life, callings, relationship with God and I thought it was simply a book on being authentic. So much more. More hope, more relationships, more life, I cannot recommend the book enough.

In "The Gift of Being Yourself", Benner simply, clearly, and eloquently articulates how we can actually discover, embrace, and live out of our true self. I appreciate his insightful, encouraging reminders: although this growth process may seem slow and painful at times, the freedom of living out of our true self and knowing the Creator of our true self more intimately are incomparably greater.

Recommend for people both new to and experienced in the spiritual journey of discovering God's love at our very core! I found the exercises were practical and helpful to open up space and allow the Spirit to speak!

The book was very well written and insightful. However, it was the worst condition used book I have ever purchased. It had been marked up extensively inside by 2 different readers. There were no indicators before purchase that it was so badly marked up.

Mr. Benner has a low view of scripture which leads him to teach poor theology and lead people towards idolatry through the practice of "gospel meditation". I do not recommend this book but rather recommend reading Calvin's writing on the subject in the Institutes.

See http://pauloverby.blogspot.com/2015/01/knowing-god-gospel-meditation-idolatry.html for more information on Benner's practice of "gospel mediation" as put forth in this book.

The book was very well written and insightful. However, it was the worst condition used book I have ever purchased. It had been marked up extensively inside by 2 different readers. There were no indicators before purchase that it was so badly marked up.

Mr. Benner has a low view of scripture which leads him to teach poor theology and lead people towards idolatry through the practice of "gospel meditation". I do not recommend this book but rather recommend reading Calvin's writing on the subject in the Institutes.

See http://pauloverby.blogspot.com/2015/01/knowing-god-gospel-meditation-idolatry.html for more information on Benner's practice of "gospel mediation" as put forth in this book.

This book was chosen by our small group leader. I got absolutely nothing out of it! It is full of psychobabble and bizarre ideologies of behavior. Those who are in baby stages of their spirituality will walk away from this book thinking they need to find something wrong with themselves in order to be normal. The "nail on the head" for me was when the author referenced Sigmund Freud. The reliability of the book dwindled instantly for me. One cannot write a valid book about God and spirituality by quoting Freud. The concepts simply do not equate on any level.

In the Preface there is enough evidence to ignore this book. The author references Matthew 10:39, but did not quote it. Jesus said in verse 39, "He who has found his life will lose it, and he who has lost his life for My sake will find it." Ponder that statement - read it 3 or 4 times and think about what is being said. Jesus is NOT talking about self-discovery! Jesus is saying if you focus on this world and yourself you forfeit eternal life - you "lose it." But, "he who has lost his life for My sake will find it." The Lord is saying you must be willing, if necessary, to forsake everything to be a true follower of the Lord Jesus Christ, and thereby gain eternal life. Read Matthew 10:34-39 for the context. We must put our love for Christ above all other relationships. We still love those in our family, friends and our neighbors, but our supreme love should be for God. Jesus said the greatest commandment is to love God with all our heart, soul, and mind. The second most important commandment is to love our neighbors as we do ourselves. (Matthew 22:35-40) There is no third commandment here to love ourselves. Loving ourselves comes naturally - that's the problem with the world today!
The author also said in the Preface, "While concepts such as self-discovery, identity and authenticity are easily dismissed as mere psychobabble...." Well, YES!!! This book is dangerous to one's true spiritually. Read the New Testament for confirmation, become a disciple of Jesus Christ and be rewarded with eternal in heaven.

"The Gift of Being Yourself" is an exceptional investigation of the subject of self-identity. The author, David Benner, is able to masterfully bridge the Biblical paradox of death-to-self and self-discovery. He writes, "For if we find our true self we find God, and if we find God, we find our most authentic self." We don't find our true self by seeking self-identity but by seeking God.

Benner sees our identity not as a creation but as a discovery and as a gift from God. By discovering and living our uniqueness, we fulfill our destiny. The purpose of the book is to assist people in the transformational journey of becoming their true self in Christ and living out the vocation that this involves. To do so we must know ourselves as known by God. In knowing ourselves and knowing God we can experience the gift of being ourselves.

The author contends that through self-deception, we tend to confuse our true self with some ideal self we wish we were. We adopt mask that portray us differently than who we authentically are. Self-discovery is not to escape reality but to commit to it. We must decide to accept what is really there and accept ourselves as we are and accept God as He is, not how we would want each to be. Spiritual transformation does not result from fixing our problems. Our sin nature is not self-fixable. Instead, spiritual transformation results from turning to God in the midst of our problems and meeting God just as we are.

It starts by coming to know God. If we come to know God, we come to know love, and to love God is to know God. It's not simply knowing about God, but it is personally meeting God in Jesus. To do so Benner recommends Spirit-guided meditation of the Gospels and meeting God in the events of life through prayerfully reviewing each day. Benner puts a high value on solitude throughout the process of self-discovery. He gives instruction and insights into carrying out these disciplines.

All of us tend to reject our true self that is created in the likeness of God. Instead we chose a way independent of God that is our false self. This false-self is created out of placing my value in what I have, what I do and what people think of me, rather than in God's loving acceptance of me. If we do not want to live in bondage to our false-self we must be prepared to be other than our image of our self. We must allow God to embrace us just the way we really are.

Coming to know and trust God's love is a lifelong process. It begins by letting God know our desire to experience His perfect love. We must allow God to accept us just as we are and enable us to accept ourselves. In doing this we dare to allow God access to the dark parts of our soul. Self-acceptance always precedes genuine self-surrender and self-transformation.

Following a discovery of our authentic self, Benner then moves into a discovery of our vocation. Our vocation is always a response to a Divine call to take our place in the Kingdom of God. It always involves the care of God's creation and people, moving us to humility, love, self-sacrifice and stewardship. From Luke 4 Benner wonderfully explains that Jesus' understanding of vocation came out of wrestling with God, himself and the devil in the solitude of the wilderness.

"The Gift of Being Yourself" is a thoughtful, practical, and easy read. It is not the definitive textbook for self-discovery nor does it fully answer all of the questions. Yet, the small investment of time you spend reading the book may provide just what you've needed to begin the journey of self-discovery through an encounter with God.

"There is only one problem on which all my existence, my peace, and my happiness depend: to discover myself in discovering God. If I find Him I will find myself and if I find my true self I will find Him." ~~Thomas Merton

I really enjoyed this book. Time and again as I moved from chapter to chapter, I found personal connection to the things Dr. Benner was writing. It was the revelation of "I" crucified many years ago in my own life that set me on the journey I am on today.

I don't think this book is for the faint of heart...at least not those who are not ready for deep and serious soul searching examination. The Gift of Being Yourself is about unmasking and forsaking the false self that so many of us have created, the masked personifications of ourselves we hide behind.

The first chapter of the book, Transformational Knowing of Self and God, sets the premise that we cannot know God without knowing ourselves first and Benner quotes several great writers (John Calvin, Thomas a'Kempis, and Augustine) of Christian thought to support this premise. I do not find this premise incongruous with what Scripture teaches us in as much as we understand "knowing God" as developing a deep and meaningful relationship with Him. It is with this understanding that I found complete agreement in a statement Benner makes with the continuing development of his premise; he writes:

"Knowing God and knowing self are therefore interdependent. Neither can proceed very far without the other. Paradoxically, we come to know God best not by looking at God exclusively, but by looking at God and then looking at ourselves--then looking at God, and then again looking at ourselves. This is also the way we best come to know ourselves. Both God and self are mostly fully known in relationship to each other." (p.26)

Once Dr. Benner establishes the premise of knowing self, he moves to chapter two and begins to construct a baseline for Knowing God. It is my understanding of this baseline that knowing God consists of full surrender of self (we must know the true self first in order to surrender), and then move on to a continuing exploration of experiential intimacy in relationship with God. Benner describes the relationship as coming primarily with knowledge and friendship with Jesus. He makes the distinction in the type of knowledge he speaks with a wonderful quote from J. I. Packer who said, "...a little knowledge of God is worth more than a great deal of knowledge about Him."

In further developing the knowledge of God, Benner points the reader-seeker to Jesus in the Gospels. He also provides several tools for the surrendered seeker to experiment with as they meet God-in-the-flesh through Jesus. Some of these tools include imaginative reading, contemplative reading (aka Lectio Divina), the examen, and journaling.

A significant portion of the book (chapters 3-5) is spent helping the reader understand the true self. Benner explains the importance of this understanding by saying, "Knowing ourselves must therefore begin by knowing the self that is known by God. If God does not know us, we do not exist." This statement made me pause a moment and consider words I remembered Jesus saying in Matthew 7:23; "Depart from me, I never knew you..." I pondered a question in my own mind that seemed to make sense; is our true self the only us that is known by God? Perhaps this is why Jesus says "away from me, I never knew you" to a person who knows about God, but does not know of God having lived the entirety of their life in the guise of the false self. And, I continue even today to consider this...

As I said, chapters three, four, and five are deep, soul-searching chapters. I spent much time highlighting and writing in the margins of the book in these chapters as I found point after point that I had realized in my own journey. I found new ways of articulating some of my own experiences and was greatly affirmed in what I discovered. For instance, one of the lies I believed before surrendering myself to God fully was the idea and fear of "losing my identity." I was scared I would become some weird automaton facsimile of myself. Realizing "my identity" was something I needed to lose; I trusted God and surrendered my self to Him. It was in this act that found a practical understanding of "dying to self" and the realization of Galatians 2:20, being crucified with Christ. Dr. Benner explains it as follows:

"Crucifixion should be directed toward our sin nature. And we must first accept it as our nature, not simply human nature. Only after we genuinely know and accept everything we find within our self can we begin to develop the discernment to know what should be crucified and what should be embraced as an important part of self." (p.58)

Chapter five, Unmasking Your False Self, was one of the most heavily highlighted and annotated chapters of the book for me (chapter six being the other). My attention was on full alert as Benner made this challenging statement. "The only hope for unmasking the falsity that resides at the core of our being is a radical encounter with truth. Nothing other than truth is strong enough to dispel illusion. And only the Spirit of Truth can save us from the consequences of having listened to the serpent rather than God."

Benner describes the original sin of Adam as the same sin that continues to separate and confuse our relationship with God. He describes the confusion with these words;

"Their (Adam and Eve) desire to be like God was not in itself the problem. For God had created them in the Divine image and wanted them to be like God. However, God's gift of likeness was quite different from that offered by the deceiver. The core of the lie that Adam and Eve believed was that they could be like God without God. But without God the most we can ever do is make ourselves into god." (p.79)

The remainder of chapter five never slows pace from that point. Dr. Benner brings to light many things that cause us to stumble and be challenged in our efforts to know God. All of these challenges are directly related to the confusion of our identity, our true identity, which can only be found in Christ. And, as stated in the opening premise of the book, in order to know God-Christ, I have to know myself.

The final chapter, Becoming Your True Self, was a wonderful and hope-inspired reprieve from the previous three chapters. The hope of finding our true self and finding that self in God is shared by Benner with these words:

"We do not find our true self by seeking it. Rather, we find it by seeking God. For as I have said, in finding God we find our truest and deepest self. (p91)

Although the chapter is not long (seventeen pages), it covers a lot of ground. With discovery of our true self, we find purpose, unique identity, vocation (or calling), and a real sense of the ability to love and be loved. Many comparisons and examples are made to the life of Jesus as illustrated and depicted in the Gospels... He is after all, our model; "follow me..." Similarly, as Jesus stated his purpose was to do the will of His Father, our calling and self-fulfillment makes this our purpose as well:

"My calling... is to be a kingdom servant of Yahweh. But the way I am to do that is ground in the self that God created." (p.102) "Christ's way to self-fulfillment is not like any way we could ever have imagined. His way involves losing our life so that we might find it, dying so that that we might live. His way is always the way of the cross. Death always precedes new life." (p.104) "Paradoxically, our fulfillment lies in the death of our own agendas of fulfillment. It also lies in the crucifixion of all our ego-centered ways of living apart from complete surrender to God." (p.105)

As I said near the beginning of this review, this book is not for the faint of heart. It is a serious and very rewarding book for those who would take to heart the instructions and experience shared by the author, Dr. David Benner. I found the book very encouraging and affirming with my personal experience. I also found new insight and understanding to some of those experiences. Additionally, I have found new ways to share the freedom of my own journey and relationship with God in ways that might be beneficial to other persons seeking an unencumbered true self relationship. The Gift of Being Yourself is truly a gift and would be a great addition to any library.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Intervarsity Press to read and post a review on my site. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255 "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising."

The author, a psychologist and spiritual director, states in the Preface that: "While concepts such as self-discovery, identity and authenticity are easily dismissed as [selfish] psychobabble, each has an important role to play in the transformational journey of Christian spirituality." And "finding our truly authentic self in Christ and rooting our identity in this reality is dramatically different from the agenda of self-fulfillment pronounced by pop psychology." One's "true self has been hidden in Christ from all eternity." There is lack of true authenticity in the masks that persons adopt as parts of their social selves. Each person is of inestimable value to God. Finding one's true self is a matter of RECEIVING it as a GIFT of "self-in-Christ" and this is a transformational process.

Chapter 1. Emphasizes the fact that knowing God or self in an objective way (which is merely "knowing ABOUT") won't lead to the desired end. Rather, the transformational knowledge must be a relational, personal knowing. The author illustrates a lack of real self-knowledge in the story of a very effective pastor who gave in nevertheless to addictive lust and had an affair. Discussing the person and some discoveries in counseling, the author points out that the pastor had a habitual inability to be honest with himself about who he really was and what he really wanted in the depths of his being. [I'm leaving out the details of interesting complexities of circumstances and emotions, and the resolutions that came about.] Author also details how Peter the apostle is an example of a person who grows in self-knowledge. "Deep knowing of God and deep knowing of self always develop interactively. The result is the authentic transformation of the self that is at the core of Christian spirituality."

Chapter 2. This chapter ends suggesting a practical exercise that one may choose to try for 1 week for getting to know God (through Jesus) and getting to know self. This may be achieved through Spirit-guided Meditation daily for 15 minutes on Gospel passages about Jesus along with also the events of one's life that day. [There's a detailed description of how to carry out the exercise.]

Chapter 3. States that to advance beyond the elementary grades in transformational spirituality it is necessary to make God's Love the basis of our identity through truly knowing and believing that God's love for us is "absolutely unconditional, unlimited and unimaginably extravagant." A lifelong process. Spiritual community is an absolute must for this. [So that let's some of us absolutely OUT of any possibility of this kind of "knowing" Love or making advancement spiritually]. It's a scientific psychological truth that we must recognize and face our worst, hidden-parts of self because repressing them will only give them more power. Self-knowing and self-acceptance is unlocked in Prayer.

Chapter 4. About the necessity of getting to know yourself as the sinner you really are. Author discusses how repeatedly confessing our same old specific sins with resolve to avoid them and strategies for coping with guilt is very unsuccessful in getting BEHIND our sins to our CORE sin tendencies. Tells a great story about a married minister who was unable to overcome an addiction to sex, was planning to leave ministry but had counseling by which some underlying complex needful causes behind the addiction were exposed. Then genuine acceptance of his self, of the particular way in which his seemingly monstrous "enemy" of sexuality needed to be accepted and integrated into himself, within God's acceptance of him as he actually was, brought clarity and discernment. God was waiting for him in the core of his brokenness and sin. Author suggests finding keys to CORE sins behind the outer habitual sins by use of Enneagrams [which I think some major Christian denominations have utterly ruled out as being despicable, for reasons unknown to me--I've only read the denunciations of Enneagrams in the church newspapers...]. Discusses briefly the basic particulars of the Enneagram system of self-knowledge which seems spiritually harmless and quite useful as the author presents it.

Chapter 5. About unmasking our false self, which is built upon our "inordinate attachment to an image of our self that we think makes us special. Are we prepared to be something other than our image of our self? Examining our defensiveness and our compulsions, perfectionism, sensitivities; dismantling "cherished illusions" by a radical encounter with truth. The false self "is the tragic result of trying to steal something from God...." Basing an illusionary identity on "what I have, what I can do and what others think of me." (There's a great quote from Thom. Merton on p. 81, I leave for reader to discover and relish.) But here's a good statement by the author: "Every moment of every day of our life God wanders in our inner garden, seeking our companionship. The reason God can't find us is that we are hiding in the bushes of our false self. God's call to us is gentle and persistent: 'Where are you? Why are you hiding?'" Brenner gives two reflections to aid the spiritual aspirant to "Come out of Hiding."

Chapter 6. Finding true Self. We find our truest and deepest self by seeking God. An elaboration on Vocation, Vocation Grounded in Identity, Living the Truth of our Uniqueness ("God meets us in our individuality because God wants to fulfill that individuality. God wants us to follow and serve in and through that individuality. God doesn't seek to annihilate our uniqueness as we follow Christ.") Discussion of Our Calling and Our Fulfillment. Dr. Brenner suggests meditating on a certain Scripture event that he specifies, and writing out a mission statement for your life. (He elaborates on how to go about these two assignments.)

EXCERPT FROM EPILOGUE: "The self that begins the spiritual journey is the self of our own creation, the self we thought ourselves to be. This is the self that dies on the journey. The self that arrives is the self that was loved into existence by Divine Love. This is the person we were destined from eternity to become--the I that is hidden in the 'I AM.' "

As an approach to spiritual growth through concepts about Christian Identity, I thought the argument of the text was an exquisitely worded, fulsome expression about what is certainly true. I enjoyed how well-written the book was. Am unable right now to comment on use of suggestions/techniques.

I was most intensely interested when Dr. Brenner recounted stories like the two mentioned above about the problems and discoveries that occurred with clients he counseled. Found the unraveling of those problems very revelatory and very heartening. Was hungry for more of that kind of thing, felt I could have learned and benefited from a great deal more of that means of gaining insight--stories and CASE HISTORIES of the specifics involved in certain significant identity/self-non-knowledge/sin problems and the explicit interconnected emotional elements in the discovery of the truth of the matters about the personal struggles. Also I just find those kinds of stories interesting.

"Spiritual transformation does not result from fixing our problems. It results from turning to God in the midst of them and meeting God just as we are." (page 67)

David G. Benner opens up a topic most Christian think is taboo to show us it is the one thing we truly need to embrace to become the person God is calling us to be. In order to live the uniquely created life God has for us, we must first except ourselves as God has excepted us, just as we are. In order for us to this we must look at the darkness inside of us, and see who we are and acknowledge our sins and troubles. In order for us to change something we can not crucify it on the cross as sin if we deny we do it. We must accept who we are and work with God to use it for His glory!

The gospel is not a method book for sin management. It is not a guideline for avoiding sin and a way to deal with our guilt when we fail as we always do. The gospel is a way for us to understand who we truly are, who God created us to be, and move forward in who God created us to be. "Self-acceptance always precedes genuine self-surrender and self-transformation." (page 58)

David G. Brenner helps us to look at who we truly are and accept that, and then move forward with God in being who He has uniquely created us to be!

Perhaps the best book on Christian Identity I've read and the best book I've read this year. Benner drives home the profound yet paradoxically simple nature of our relationship to self and others through our relationship with the Divine. In "The Gift of Being Yourself" Benner outlines practical ways to improve your relationship with the Divine and through relationship with the Divine begin to understand our true self and calling. I read this after reading Benner's "Surrender to Love." The two go hand-in-hand, but I recommend reading "The Gift of Being Yourself" before reading "Surrender to Love" (just my opinion).

On its own, discovering ourself could be quite dangerous. David Benner puts the importance of knowing one's self in proper perspective. It's not "who I am," but "who I am in Christ." Who I am in Christ is a beloved creation of God, fraught with sinfulness but loved nevertheless. Knowing this is the starting point for allowing God, trusting God to have his will in my life. It is at the same time reassuring and humbling. It does not go against the teachings of Christ and Paul when they said we must deny ourselves, and be crucified with Christ. If I don't accept who I am in Christ, how can I possibly deny myself?

This is a great introduction to self-discovery. Although it wasn't highly profound, it was at times enlightening and moving.

I came away with a deeper appreciation for self-awareness and a fuller knowledege of my own faults and strengths.