Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life

Unfortuneately most of us have at least one toxic parent. This book could be standard reading for everyone. It shows the different types of toxic parents and counters their toxicity with the truth. You don't have to live your life striving for their approval. Toxic parent relationships are not healthy and should not be treated the same as healthy parent-child relationships. This book is very informative and very practical.

This book is very well written, and the examples provided really help you understand how different types of abuse can manifest in a variety of ways. It is a very emotional read at times, but equally helpful and enlightening.

This book was amazing. I recommend it even if you don't think your parents did any wrong. This book is an eye-opener, and it helps adults understand why they have problems in their life, even when they've moved out and away from their parents. Highly recommended to EVERYONE.

I found this book to be incredibly eye-opening and helpful, both as the daughter of a toxic mother and the parent of two children. The only thing that I am not sure about is whether confronting the toxic parent is always the best option. The most obvious questions in my mind were "What's the point? Why do you still want ANY relationship with this person? Why do you feel you owe this person ANYTHING? At what cost are you willing to keep trying?" Several years ago I made the very difficult decision to end my relationship with my mother when, after years of trying so hard to keep some relationship going and suffering for it, I finally found the courage to ask "what's in it for me?" and realized the answer was "absolutely nothing positive whatsoever". Also, being disgusted by her interactions with my children was a big factor. I profoundly miss having a mother, but I do not miss her or her poison.

The depth this book exhibits by giving actual case studies of patients the author worked with is invaluable . In addition, I appreciated how she cited varying types of abuse to illustrate the detrimental affects it takes regardless of degree or severity. Although the subject matter is hard to digest at times because no wants to read about a child being harmed; it was well worth it to understand the full spectrum of healing and work one has to do to live the life they deserve.

Great book for soul searching readers who need to clean their childhood closet. Make sure you have a good support group while reading the material and processing the information. It will get rough before it gets better.

This book helped me uncover truths about my non alcoholic, non beating, non sexually abusive parents. They're simply toxic perfectionists who don't approve of anything and it's impossible to make them happy.
If you have a similar situation, this book can certainly help you see things you didn't see before. It is actually helping me not to make the same mistakes with my kids.

Unafraid, this book cracks right open the things society and our parents try to ignore. It boldly places blame where blame is due, and gives you the comfort to know that you are not responsible for what was done to you as a helpless child.
Whether you were emotionally, verbally, or physically abused this book CAN help you. It helped me stop blaming myself, and helped me give up the unrealistic hope that my parents would eventually change.
I am grateful that I stumbled onto this life changing book.

While my situation was covered in only a small portion of this book I found that I read the entire book voraciously and learned a lot. Ultimately, it always comes down to becoming a true adult and breaking free from patterns of behavior that were formed in reaction to over-controlling parents. The information and exercises in the book are invaluable in breaking free.

This is an excellent book for anyone who comes from a dysfunctional family and desires to go through the healing process. Susan Forward does an excellent job as the author; she is very easy to understand. The seller does an excellent job in getting this product to the customer in a reasonable amount of time AND in perfect condition. This seller is awesome!

For anyone that has had issues with parents making them feel like a second class citizen in a first class world, this book is for you. It gives a lot of hints as to how you can understand what a toxic parent is, why what they did was not your fault, and how only you can decide to make yourself better.

I have read several books that attempt to help adult children of abusive (verbal or physical) parents, but most authors fail to connect with me because they feel a need to give the most horrible stories and examples in their books. My father didn't sexually molest me or tell me to die, but he did constantly belittle me with subtle remarks, jokes, criticisms. This book spends over 100 pages giving stories and examples of all kinds of toxic parents,not just the ones that make the most horrifying read. It seems a little vague and scattered at first, because there are so many different examples of so many different types of toxic parental abuse, then you realize that most of the symptoms of the adult child who has suffered, are the same. Children of alcoholics, molestors, belittlers, hitters, all share a commond bond of lacking an identity, and struggling with their self esteem, and fighting a rage deep inside them.

The second half of the book is the most impressive. The author is surprisingly and refreshingly realistic in her advice on how to start healing. She conveys that it is ok to feel whatever emotion you are feeling, because it is an emotion. She sheds a brilliant light on the act of forgiveness, and how the general concept of "total forgiveness" is not always best with toxic parents.

It was just a well written and realistic book that I think will appeal to all adult children who had or have "toxic" parents.

I bought this book for someone in my extended family, and I was told that it was "dead-on". I had read a sample before I bought it as paperback, and I found it to be written extremely well. I highly recommend this book to everyone who dealt and/or is dealing with the aftermath of abusive parents.

I could finally identify with the trauma, pain, and anger I hadn't allowed myself to feel, let alone talk about. I was 40 when the door to my family secrets blew apart and I was faced with the reality of many failed relationships with spouses, friends, employers and children, while listening to a video called "Chalk Talk" at a drug rehab facililty where my 15 year old son was trying to recover from addictions to drugs. It was the first time I'd ever said out loud, "My parents were alcoholics". From there I sought counseling and was given this book to read. I then joined a twelve step program called Adult Children Anonymous and attended once weekly for 4 years. It all started with the reading of this book. Now I am privileged to give it to a friend who is where I was when I started my journey. I would recommend this to anyone who would like to heal and recover from a traumatic childhood that carried into every aspect of their adult life and is making it unmanageable. Susan Forward is very much ahead of her time.

I bought this book thinking it would teach me how to be a better parent by showing me what I was doing wrong. It was the most difficult book I have ever read because the truth came as a shock to me. I was stunned to find out that my own mother was the toxic parent and I was her victim. I also learned that she is a sociopath who has left me with PTSD which is why I was not a very good parent to my own children. I learned about how my mother has betrayed the trust of every single person around her including my babies and me. I realized that I was a victim as well as the bad guy but not to the extent that I believed I was. I had to read this book twice to absorbe all of the information. I was not emotionally strong enough to handle what I learned about myself and my parents the first time I read this book. I am glad books like this exist. I have gone from being an abuse victim to being an abuse survivor.

My Christain counselor recommended this book. My husband devoured it from the day it came in the mail. I, the victim, had to sit it down at times so I could sleep. It is very thorough and eye opening. The Lord knew the suffering in my heart and gave me just what I needed. My counseling continues and my enormous load gets lighter each day. As far as gifts from God, I rank it second only to my salvation. If you're the victim, take this life preserver and free yourself from the undeserving guilt you've been living with. Get a Christain counselor and start this book.

5/2010
I've given this as gifts. After reading reviews of the book Hush by Nicole Braddock Bromley I realized I needed to look at this review and make is more usefully objective. Although it has been a while since I read this, I still remember it very well!

What I like
Dr Forward gives clear directions on how to be honest with yourself and the abuser(s) thereby freeing yourself to heal. The last chapter gives a step by step guide on how to confront your abuser(s) with details on where, who and the option of a letter if need be. The truth shall set you free!

This book is not just filled with miserable stories that, while they can seem to alleviate the pain because you know you're not alone, they actually can add to the burden of pain if you read too many of them.

Dr Forward gives actual psychological explainations of why victims react the way they do. It's liberating to know my reactions made sense and were not signs of insanity.

What I don't like
Some of those miserable stories had such graphic details, I felt like I was there. Sadly, those details are sometimes needed to show the extent of the pervereness, but now I have one that sometimes plays over in my mind. NOT something I needed!

Comments that Dr Forward makes is obvious she is not Christain. While I can truly understand why people would lose their faith after such misery, I personally know how important my faith was in keeping my sanity. I even told my adoptive father (my abuser), "It's a wonder I didn't end up a lesbian and athiest because of you!" A person's faith is too personal and she should have stayed neutral in that arena.

Dr Forward should have given a suggested time line on reading this book. Myself, I could manage about 1 chapter in a day then lay it down for a month. There is so much pain with childhood abuse and plowing through this book at break-neck speed could possibly hurt more than heal. Take little bites, and then "chew" slowly.

...who was faced with the problem of cruel parents and extended family. I'm glad this book exists and very happy to have found it in my own good time. Very well written, and although difficult to "swallow" at times, is still extremely helpful. Thank you, Susan.

My Christain counselor recommended this book. My husband devoured it from the day it came in the mail. I, the victim, had to sit it down at times so I could sleep. It is very thorough and eye opening. The Lord knew the suffering in my heart and gave me just what I needed. My counseling continues and my enormous load gets lighter each day. As far as gifts from God, I rank it second only to my salvation. If you're the victim, take this life preserver and free yourself from the undeserving guilt you've been living with. Get a Christain counselor and start this book.

5/2010
I've given this as gifts. After reading reviews of the book Hush by Nicole Braddock Bromley I realized I needed to look at this review and make is more usefully objective. Although it has been a while since I read this, I still remember it very well!

What I like
Dr Forward gives clear directions on how to be honest with yourself and the abuser(s) thereby freeing yourself to heal. The last chapter gives a step by step guide on how to confront your abuser(s) with details on where, who and the option of a letter if need be. The truth shall set you free!

This book is not just filled with miserable stories that, while they can seem to alleviate the pain because you know you're not alone, they actually can add to the burden of pain if you read too many of them.

Dr Forward gives actual psychological explainations of why victims react the way they do. It's liberating to know my reactions made sense and were not signs of insanity.

What I don't like
Some of those miserable stories had such graphic details, I felt like I was there. Sadly, those details are sometimes needed to show the extent of the pervereness, but now I have one that sometimes plays over in my mind. NOT something I needed!

Comments that Dr Forward makes is obvious she is not Christain. While I can truly understand why people would lose their faith after such misery, I personally know how important my faith was in keeping my sanity. I even told my adoptive father (my abuser), "It's a wonder I didn't end up a lesbian and athiest because of you!" A person's faith is too personal and she should have stayed neutral in that arena.

Dr Forward should have given a suggested time line on reading this book. Myself, I could manage about 1 chapter in a day then lay it down for a month. There is so much pain with childhood abuse and plowing through this book at break-neck speed could possibly hurt more than heal. Take little bites, and then "chew" slowly.

...who was faced with the problem of cruel parents and extended family. I'm glad this book exists and very happy to have found it in my own good time. Very well written, and although difficult to "swallow" at times, is still extremely helpful. Thank you, Susan.

This book helped me with some family issues I was having. I can now pull myself from a situation and understand that my toxic mother is the problem rather than burying myself with guilt over being a poor child. Great read.

If you have had a "rough upbringing" due to alcoholism, drug abuse, any type of addiction or "family secret" then READ THIS BOOK! It was such a help to me to move through all of the bad parenting I had experienced to be able to better raise my children

I love reading this book and since I have purchase, I cannnot put it down. I continue to re read it especially when I am training a young mind to embrace the world. I will like almost every parent to get a hold of this book before you create more damages.