Before I Was Born (God's Design for Sex)

This is a good book for teaching our children about how our bodies work and how God designed a man and a women's body to fit together. They put an age on it of 4-8. I read it with my almost 10 year old son, he thought his heart would beat out of his chest. There is not a chance that I would read this to my 4-8 year old. I felt it was too mature for what they could understand and is more information than I want them to know at their age. For me, it was pushing it for my almost 10 year old. However, I want to be the one my children learn this from and not a friend at school or the school themselves. I feel this is the parents responsibility and not the school. In that respect, this book does a great job in teaching it. Just not for 4-8 year olds.

I am pretty disappointed with this book. I thought that since it is written for ages 5-8 it would be perfect to read with my 7 year old daughter. I wasn't expecting a book telling my daughter how the man "fits his penis inside the woman and semen flows inside her vagina". My daughter isn't raised with TV so maybe this book would be appropriate for a tv raised peer but not for my daughter until she is at least 10. Some of the pictures are too graphic for her as well (picture of the man in the shower, husband and wife naked in bed together and the laboring woman spread eagle). This book is too much information for a 7 year old! I wished I had read the reviews before purchasing or I wouldn't have bought it, at least not for a few more years.

Very good book. Excellent! Yes, it does discuss the very bare-bones basics of how a baby is created but it is very tasteful and matter of fact. It brings God and His design into the mix at all points. It's a beautiful thing, people! This book explains how God made people to have sex and how their wedded bodies make a baby through sex. It starts and ends with a discussion of how God knew "you" before you were born. Very nicely done without being overly preachy or cheesy.

Beautiful pictures, kind of fuzzy realistic which adds to the tasteful way the subject is discussed. It shows a little boy and his penis (he's putting pants on) and a little girl and her vulva (she's just out of the bath) but other than that there are no private parts showing. There is a fuzzy picture of a woman pushing a baby out but that is simply a fact of what happens and you can't "see" anything. It discusses vaginal birth in vague ways and also how breasts are made for breastfeeding. It was very easy for me to segue into "but you were sideways so I had an operation to get you out" when we read the birth page. My six year old was breastfed so she was impressed with that part. Read the book before you read it to junior so you can edit as you wish. There are some giggle-inducing phrases ("the semen flows into her vagina") but only a few and I just edited them a bit so I didn't laugh. LOL I'm not ashamed to say it made me giggle a few times.

Some of the reviews I read were negative and acted as though this was an immodest book. There is nothing further from the truth. One review said (I'm paraphrasing) that the book may be OK for filthy public school kids but not the reviewer's angelic homeschooled kids. What a ridiculous stereotype that person is putting forth! That prudish attitude is the problem and hang up of the parent reading it and not of the child being read to. The kid is going to believe what you tell them so get this book so they know. Grow up and tell them what it is and that it is a good, God designed process. This book can really help you do just that. Teach them about healthy sexuality! Reclaim sex and bodies from reality TV and Victoria's Secret ads. This book will start explaining what their expectations of sex and marriage should be and they need that foundation for when they want to have sex.

Saturday, June 13, 2009
Before I Was Born
Carolyn Nystrom's Before I Was Born, first published in 1983 and now fully updated, is designed to teach sexual education to children ages 5 to 8. Winner of a Christian Book Award, the volume endeavors to help parents teach children about Godly sex.

The book begins by speaking to parents:

"Many forces will push your children to make bad choices about sex. From their earliest years, children are bombarded by destructive, false messages about the nature of sexual intimacy. These messages come through music, television, the Internet, discussions with their friends, school sex-education programs, and so forth...We believe God means for Christian parents to be the primary sex educators of the children. First messages are the most powerful; why wait until your child hears the wrong thing and then try to correct the misunderstanding?"

Next, the author stresses that each and every one of us was made by God. The Lord knew everything about us before we were born - even our names. After he made the earth and called it good, he made a man and woman and "He said, 'I made their bodies wonderful.'"

Boys, we learn, have a penis and scrotum; the penis sometimes gets hard for a few minutes "but most of the time it stays soft and close to the body." Girls have a vagina, which is a special place where a baby can grow. God made boys this way, so that one day when they grow up and get married, they can make a baby. Eventually, all little boys and girls grow up. Men get hairier and their bodies produce semen. Even though the semen is "too small to see...someday he can use these to help make a baby." Women have breasts and once a month their "womb gets thick and soft. Then a tiny egg no bigger than a dot passes through it." This also means that someday when she's married she can make a baby.

God designed men and women to love each other, and if they love each other for a while, they think about getting married. "But men and women need to choose carefully whom they will marry. Once they are married, God wants them to stay together as long as they both live." Once married, God gives men and women a special gift called sex. They lie close to each other and the man puts his penis inside his wife's vagina. Sometimes when they do this, they make a baby.

The book then describes and pictures what a baby looks like during the first and third trimesters, explaining in a rudimentary way how the umbilical cord works and why babies kick. Then we learn how a baby is born: "The mother feels her womb muscles push hard. She feels her bagina stretch open. It hurts, and it is hard work...Finally the baby's head pops out from the mother's vagina." After the baby is born, the mother feeds him through her breasts.

"Long ago, before the world was made, God planned for this moment, planned for this baby to be formed partly from his mother and partly from his father...God planned you, too. And He has given you a wonderful body. Have you ever thanked Him for it?"

What I Like: God is the center of this book - and that's so refreshing. Readers quickly learn God planned for only husbands and wives to have sex. They also learn everything they need to know about their own sexuality and how babies are made. Throughout, the soft illustrations by Sandra Speidel are ideal. Although we can see a little boy naked, a baby coming out of his mother, and a little girl naked, there are no details. We just get the general idea. In addition, I appreciate the author's tips on reading this book to adopted children.

What I Dislike: Some parents may object to this description, which speaks of Adam and Eve: "[God] saw the man's scratchy beard and the woman's soft breasts and He was pleased." The "soft breasts" part took me be surprise at first, but I also know many children who are curious about whether breasts are hard or soft, and grab them inappropriately.

My only real objection is the description of intercourse: "When a husband and wife lie close together, he can fit his penis into her vagina. His semen flows inside of her and their bodies feel good all over." I don't really want to teach my children that sex feels good. To me, this is just makes premarital sex more of a temptation. I think they'll figure out that sex feels nice on their own.

As you read this book, though, bear in mind the author's warning that your child will - without question - learn about sex elsewhere. Even toddlers and preschoolers are exposed to sex talk and graphics. They probably already know more than you think they do. How much better that they learn the correct facts from loving parents.

Overall Rating: Very good.

Kristina Seleshanko, Managing Editor
Christian Children's Book Review

I honestly do not think kids *this young* need to know the mechanics of s*x. It is said to destigmatize it, normalize it, and make it not a secret/mystery. I feel it increases curiosity about it and if unwatched will lead to children wanting to explore these concepts younger and younger (yes the book says 'only for married couples' but as Paul says in Romans when we know the law our sin nature wants to rebel against it that much more). Especially if you have only one gender of kids they will wonder all the more about this other gender's privates. Some of the quotes I had the biggest issues with are:
Describing young boys "Sometimes his p*nis gets hard and stiff for a few minutes, but most of the time it stays soft and close to his body." true, but he knows this already because he has a p*nis, and my daughter honestly does not need to know this. why are the adjectives like this needed it makes it feel too intimate for me.
For the teen girl: "She grows hair...above her v*gina" well it is technically above her v*gina but if we are trying to be so medically accurate it should be above her vulv*a. If your daughter is asking about her privates she is most likely referring to the whole area in general(vulv*a), her urethra, or her labi*a. So calling the whole area her v*gina is not accurate anyway. Next quote "she develops two soft bre*sts on her chest" again soft? yes, but why is this needed it seems to sensualize it again. Then oddly the menstrual cycle is highly glossed over with one sentence "Once a month her womb gets thick and soft and a tiny egg passes through it this means her body is getting ready to take care of a baby" I will teach my 6 year old about a period pretty soon within the next 3 years but in better detail for her.
For the s*x talk the book reads "(a husband and wife) he can fit his p*nis inside her v*gina. His semen flows inside of her and their bodies feel good all over" Is this truly what we want to have out 6 year olds hear? Why? I honestly do not need my kids asking me if mom and dad had s*x last night and if we will have a baby now soon all the time(and they will; I use to teach a daycare and a 3 year old that was taught about her v*gina asked me about it every day for 2 months). They are very into playing Barbie marries a superhero and I can see all of the s*x scenes now :/ just not happening at my house. Not to mention they WILL take this to pretend playtime at school too, other parents are not going to appreciate this and they could even get in trouble with the teacher.
Kids this age have enough going on with their emotions and learning about life in general why complicate it further by laying ALL of this out in one book to them? A better approach would be to tell them things as they ask and if they are not asking or curious about it let it wait a little bit and tell them smaller parts at a time.
Yes, I have read that it can be a risk for s*x abuse to not teach them, but I honestly do not see how telling them 'p*nis' will prevent anything vs telling them pee-pee or privates(do you insist on calling their butt their buttock or gluteus maxims; their tummy/belly their stomach?). Tell them privates are not for other people to touch and they are your body and no one has the right to touch you without permission. There are good/safe touches, confusing touches(learned this from a radio broadcast that kids in abuse get confused because their body is reacting with 'good feelings'(they cannot help it, that is just the human body) even though they are scared and have icky feelings at the same time), and bad touches and you can always feel safe to tell mom about anything that happens and you will love them no matter what. As they get older teach them to dress privately and not intrude on other people dressing, not because bodies are bad but because privacy is good. Then as a parent know the signs of grooming and abuse, keep a close eye on your kids and chat with them when they have questions.

I cannot recommend these books enough. I recommend them to every parent I know! Finally a series that sets children up for success in this area. However we must always remember a book can’t parent our children; we still have to do our job. This just puts the words out on paper for us. We still need to follow up with them and keep the conversation open and keep the shame or guilt or fear away!

This series of books are a wonderful way to explain His perfect design for sex. And when that framework is understood, it is easier to teach our children the how and why we should cherish this precious gift God created with for a husband and wife. Not too soon to start sharing His perfect plan to our children.

Way too graphic for the target age group. Borrowed this book from the library before purchasing and I'm so glad I did! The photos were graphic with a lot of nudity, and the woman giving birth was even spread eagle. You don't need that much detail in the pictures to explain sex to a child. There are much more tasteful ways the illustrations could have been done. And the wording was overly sensual, too. God was "pleased" with Eve's "soft breasts"?! Just too, too, much. We will not be purchasing this book.

This is a well-written book for the specified age group. My kids were already a couple years older and were a little uncomfortable, but it was easy to read it in a matter of fact tone. It does a good job of pointing to the beauty of God's design for the sexes.

This series has just enough information to answer the questions, without going overboard. I used the first two books with my daughter who was nine at the time, and the first book with my son who was five. I gave the third book to my oldest son to read when he was ten. I will continue using the series as the younger two children get older. The age-appropriateness of each book depends on each individual child and your personal preferences as to what you think should be taught at a particular age.

I have been so nervous about talking about this stuff with my daughter. But this book made it so easy! We spent a few minutes reading and stopped frequently when she had questions. Then, it sparked an awesome conversation after we were finished. This book is just the right amount of information at the right time. It has illustrations that are very tasteful and didn't make either of us squirm. (Although she did giggle a bit at the discussion of how a boy grows :-) Like other reviewers, I'm not sure my 5 year old is ready to hear this, but I'm very glad I have the book now so I can pull it out when she does start asking questions. I think it's perfect for the 7-8 year old, boy or girl (it covers both equally).

Great guide in talking to your kids about a sometimes uncomfortable subject. It had great focus on the christian view and morality of the subject. This helped guide our conversation and it went very smoothly!

This book was very helpful to my family to explain the basics of intercourse and fertility to our 7 year old. Some reviews criticize the faith-base of the book but it IS part of the "God's Design for Sex" series so that really shouldn't have been a surprise to them. I appreciate that sex is taught in this book in the proper framework, as a gift from God to married couples. Others criticize it as too graphic but quite frankly the kids are learning these things at school at a very young age and I want the first discussions my child has about sex to be at home, with me, with a faith-based framework, which is exactly what this book allows. If I had any criticism, it is only that only vaginal deliveries are discussed, which was a little confusing to my daughter since she knows I had a c-section with our second child.

Great book for introducing God's design for sex. I just read it to my soon to be 9 year old. I knew he was starting to wonder, plus my brother and his wife recently had a baby. I was nervous, but he seemed to be relieved that I had brought it up. I would rather be the one to answer his questions, than for him to run and ask other children, or heaven forbid, google it.