A Map for the Masculine Journey - The Way of the Wild Heart

I loved Wild At Heart and how he restored masculinity in the church. The goal is not to train our men to be good, nice, coffee-klatsch women. There are parts of being a man that are God-given and shouldn't be set aside.

Now, as a father of two boys, trying to figure out how to be a good dad, this book is revolutionary. I am not the "outdoorsman" that Eldredge is, but we are having significant discussions at our church right now based on this book. I wish more ministers would embrace this book and offer this material to their men.

Most men are bored. And as a businessman, I am extremeley busy. If it were not for deep conviction I would not normally make the time for prioritizing spiritual things in my life. But this book helps me see that it is not just about church. It is about being fathered by God, and passing that fathering on to my sons and to younger men who also need mentoring.

I loved this book!

John Eldredge writes from the depths of his rich spiritual well to speak to the heart of men. Eldredge conveys meaningful insights about the stages he perceives men going through in healthy life transitions. He labels the stages as: "Beloved Son," "Cowboy," "Warrior," "King," and "Sage." These stages seemed right on for men. He writes about each one and follows the theme of the stages throughout the book.

Eldredge's writing appears more mature and refined with each new book he writes, as does his precision in targeting the experiences of men. This book offers myriad insights into the soul of men.

Eldredge continues his fascination with certain movies and books that speak to him about men and relates many tales of adventure in the great outdoors. In both cases, he succeeds in emphasizing the points he is trying to make using these tools and tales.

Some readers may weary of the emphasis on "manly" things like climbing mountains, guns, hunting, fishing, and blowing stuff up. I think Eldredge uses these to make good points but also has come to an understanding that not all men share these passions.

God has blessed Eldredge with a quiver of sons, and he shares his experiences with fatherhood. The lessons learned from him in this book make it valuable reading for parents of boys. I recommend it to mothers of boys because it will share with you ways to help your son be all the things God has designed him to become.

Craig Stephans, author of Shakespeare On Spirituality: Life-Changing Wisdom from Shakespeare's Plays

"The Way of the Wild Heart" by John Aldredge describes the various phases that a boy goes through as he grows up to be a man. Aldredge describes the 6 main phases and suggests how to raise a boy or man during those phases. The phases are as follows:

1. Boyhood - boy develops his sense of identity.
2. Cowboy - boy/young man develops his sense of adventure.
3. Warrior - man develops a fighting spirit (fights for the right things while not becoming a brute).
4. Lover - man learns to love others other than himself.
5. King - man learns to use his power wisely and for the benefit of others.
6. Sage - man passes along his acquired wisdom to others.

As in his other titles Aldredge uses contemporary examples to make his points. While the examples were good, I would have liked to have seen more biblical examples. Still, a good read.

Recommended.

I actually got this book for my husband for Christmas, but I enjoyed Wild at Heart so much that I was interested in reading this sequel. Overall, this book is about the masculine journey as inspired by scripture and other spiritual forerunners. Ultimately, Eldredge outlines the different stages in a boy/man's life in order to live life to the fullest.

The first stage is "Boyhood" which talks of the world of wonder and exploration. The second is "The Cowboy," which begins in adolescence. In this stage, a boy is encouraged to seek adventures. The third stage is called "Warrior" and there are great examples of how "God is a Warrior because there are certian things in life worth fighting for, must be fought for. He makes a Warrior in his own image, because he intends for man to join Him in battle" (140). The next stage is "The Lover," where man is to be inspired by nature and beauty. "A Lover has been awakened by the Great Romancer. At this stage a man's relationship with God opens a new frontier. While in other realms God will remain Father, and Initiator, when the Lover begins to emerge God invites the man to become his "intimate one." This is the crucial stage. The danger for the Warrior is that life becomes defined by battle, and that is not good for the soul nor is it true to our story, for there is something deeper than battle, and that my friends, is Romance" (192). Solomon and David are great examples of this fourth stage. The fifth stage is King- "to wield power, influence, and property in his name. It is as great and noble an undertaking as it is difficult" (220). And finally, the sixth stage is "The Sage." "He knows what he speaks, for he speaks from his experience, from a vast reservoir of self-discovery."

All of these stages remind me of Shakespeare's poem "The Seven Ages of Man." I believe this is a universal theme and Eldredge puts it in great perspective. Though I thought some of the book was not applicable, maybe at times not realistic, the underlying message was good. He tends to give extreme examples of masculinity, but I think in all things, there is a good balance. This a great read for everyone, but especially fathers.

John Eldredge has made it his mission to assist men in discovering a Christ-honoring, biblical roadmap to living out manhood as designed by God. Eldredge, author of the bestselling WILD AT HEART, now presents a companion title (with an optional workbook) on equipping men and their sons for the challenges of living in a technological, post-modern society. He cautions readers that this book is a map and as such "...is a guide, not a formula. It offers freedom." So saying, Eldredge highly recommends stepping back and reading WILD AT HEART first, as this new text builds upon the precepts offered in the earlier volume.

Eldredge opens this new book with a frustrating account of feeling totally inadequate at fixing his sprinkler system. Even with written instructions and an online video for some measure of guidelines, he confesses that it's not enough. He realizes he needs another guy to help him, and he's "hacked off" because he can't do it himself. Eldredge comments that men frequently face that sudden terror of recognizing that they're being called upon to "play the man" and yet have no idea how to go about it successfully. And, asserts Eldredge, life is constantly pressing the message that there is "no room for error," so a man better get it right. He calls this the "unfinished man syndrome," or the fatherless condition so many men know far too much about. This is why Eldredge hungers to lead other men in the way of "bestowing" masculinity upon their sons before it's too late.

In a six-stage, sometimes overlapping, pilgrimage, Eldredge lays out the masculine journey as he sees it: Boyhood to Cowboy to Warrior to Lover to King to Sage, all within a typical 80-year life span (or thereabouts). According to Eldredge, each stage must have its allotted time for learning appropriate life lessons so that the man grows deep in his foundations; otherwise, the scarring of an underdeveloped soul might result and assert itself when strength is most required.

In his chapter on raising the Cowboy, he expounds upon the strength of adventure, allowing it, encouraging it and experiencing it. Christian men and boys need something "epic" for which to fight, something beyond themselves worth giving their lives for with abandon. Eldredge is all for offering initiation opportunities that mold and invite males into a fellowship of men where commonality, hard work and deep soul sharing can flourish. No matter how differing the circumstances may be, living intentionally is key, writes Eldredge, for much is at stake.

As is true with his other works, brief discussions of worthy films, books, poems and music are referenced as additional sensory life markers. And, as always, Eldredge writes from the heart, shooting straight with his reading audience and willing to risk offending in order to stay true to what he believes is God's purpose and design for biblical manhood.

--- Reviewed by Michele Howe

I've been going through an intensive Dark Night of the Soul, with God digging down into my heart to dredge up old wounds and expose them for healing through insight and/or submitting them to Him. Because this book is so clearly directed to men, I didn't expect to find much of use in it, but OH MY GOSH! It's THE best thing I've read during this very difficult time in my life! It is ministering directly to my deep father wounds and providing a bridge to wholeness - the words fairly leap off the page, directly into my heart. THANK you, John Eldredge.

I completely identify with the curse of having been left to myself in childhood to find my own way, teach myself, "raise" myself, learn it all on my own. And Eldredge expresses the pain of that so well in his book - the reviewer who criticized that aspect just DIDN'T GET IT. In fact, he didn't get the point in any of his criticisms. To find someone who identifies so well with how it feels to be "fatherless," is healing in itself. As a woman, "The Question" for me isn't supposed to be "Do I have what it takes?" but everything Eldredge says about feeling scared and alone and fearful of doing anything is so familiar to me. We do it anyway, I've even achieved a PhD in psychology, but with such self-doubt and pain along the way, devoid of a cheerleader. There's resentment that goes along with it, even when we feel guilty for feeling any kind of anger. And disbelief that God is really a loving Father - to ME. Huh? What does that even MEAN?? I have limped along in life and viewed with great envy and yearning the close, intimate, blissful relationships other friends have enjoyed with the heavenly Father, and just couldn't figure out how to get there myself. To know that I'm not alone is such a comfort.

To grow up fatherless and dubiously self-reliant turns us inward to greater and greater self-focus, and self-focus destroys the ability to come to God - the vulnerabilty we need in His presence, the transparency, the innocence, the security we should feel, and most of all, the TRUST. I've longed for decades to find a way to replace my natural, tremendously flawed, father image with relationship and closeness with my REAL Father, and so I'm unimagineably grateful for this bridge going in that direction!

What a fabulous combo these two books are........"Way of the Wild Heart" gives a roadmap of how men develop through various stages in becoming men and "Wild Men, Wild Alaska" takes the next step and shows how real true adventure can help men discover their heart through awesome experiences.

I have been an Eldredge fan for awhile and was very happy when his new book came out. I think he has taken the principles he espoused in Wild at Heart and refined them. Of course people can't be completely put in a box but the general stages and guidelines that Eldredge has described certainly have merit and can be an excellent source for women understanding men and men understanding themselves. In reality the book, I feel, helps all of us to understand ourselves better. That has to be a good thing.

I would highly suggest to anyone to buy both books because they compliment each other so well. Way of the Wild Heart will give you a deeper perspective of manhood and Wild Men, Wild Alaska will demonstrate those principles via real life and death situations through intense and inspiring adventures in the wilderness of Alaska.

John, though often accused of being another naked, drum banging, macho man, shows the full picture of manhood in this book. He shows us we have permission to be tender, sensitive, as well as the warrior, kingly, authoritive types other men's books often demonstrate.

Most non-Western societies, in addition to Jewish and some other more Western influenced societies, have initiation into manhood. We've lost that in the West, and we are hurting due to it. John gives a framework for initiating a boy, and for a male adult to recover the initiation he missed. I like that he gives it in a framework fashion, as each male is an individual. This is often missed by readers and listeners of Eldredge -- that he gives example and frameworks, not a prescription. Each dad reading this is given enough to frame an initiation that goes for his son's heart and points the son to the Father, while seeking from God what the dad missed.

And as always, John points to God for final say, not his own ego.

I consider this one of the several choice books available from John. It is certainly up to his other books and I found it head and shoulders above much of the herd. It is an easy read, but thoroughly provocative with regard to how a man's heart works, and what to do about it if it hurts.Christian Coaching: Helping Others Turn Potential into Reality

[...]

This is my first exposure to John Eldredge, although some Christian friends of mine have told me about him for a couple of years now. Although I myself am not Christian, I found his way of discussing his Christianity not off-putting.

The book is an unusual blend of Jungian archetypes (and their implications for boys becoming men and for men who are missing pieces of their path to greater consciousness) and what might be called "manly Christianity".

I feel I am already a better father with my seven year old son because of some of the insights of this book and that is a great gift indeed and so I wholeheartedly recommend this book.

The reason I give it a 4 instead of a 5 is that, like the other Christianity to which I have been exposed, I feel that it misses Jung's insight that "The idea is not to imagine figures of light, but to make the darkness conscious." Still, overall an excellent book.

John Eldredge means well. He writes of a generation of men who were fathered poorly, and how asking Jesus into our lives to fill that gap and continue to father us is the best gift we can give ourselves. On that count he's absolutely spot-on accurate, and everything he delivers in support of that is a well-intended gift from the author's heart. But he makes a big mistake in taking on the role of spokesperson for God's intended definition of masculinity. In fact, he's radically off base with it. Ironically, the very generation that fathered us so poorly, with their racial prejudice and their emotional retardation and their addictions (they all wanted to be Sinatra) and their handed-down "manly" hobbies... these are the things Eldredge ascribes to for himself, and then assigns them as God's intention for men. Ridiculous. Jesus wouldn't fish, he'd cradle the poor creatures in his hands and heal them from the hook your Dad tore out of their mouth. He surely wouldn't hunt to make himself feel masculine, he'd buy his meat at Safeway. And to be sure, he wouldn't be a gun hobbyist. On page 67, we are told a story of a man who longed for the toy gun of his childhood, and how receiving a REAL one later in life was a gift from God: "Gary will often go up to the shooting range all by himself, just with his rifle, to be with God." This is the most ridiculous sentence in the history of spiritual writing. Guns are WEAPONS. They are instruments of destruction, and any argument to the contrary is an obvious justification by someone who needs a prop to their self-image, cleary a Napoleon complex. Short of advocating giving your son a box of Cuban cigars, the author signs up for all of his father's stereotypical badges of masculinity, assigning reliousity to fishing (newsflash, John: fishing is no more spiritual than pumping iron at the gym), hunting, camping, even fast vehicles -- from page 74: "I needed to smell gasoline, and go fast. Essentials for the masculine soul." Really? Says who? Not Jesus, that's for sure. Just Eldredge. I know a lot of men who feel three sets of bench presses twice a week is just as spiritual. Obviously, this guy has masculinity issues, and he heals them with his father's outdated masculine badges. Too bad, because as I said, his intention is noble. But he's a throwback, today's real man knows that masculinity has nothing at all to do with beer and football and, God help us, fishing. It has to do with courage, with being there for your family, especially (as it pertains to his book) for your son. To love him well and openly, to model manhood in a healthy way that allows him to pursue his own passions without the stigma of a father's stereotyping, and the strength to guide and discipline when things are tough. That's a real man. It has nothing at all do with with "the wild." That's what Jesus would do, that's the man that He was. This is dangerous stuff for men who are searching for answers. Hey, just grab a fly rod and some junk food and take your son to the lake, say a few prayers while you're there. Take a hike and find God. It's that simple, right? Eldredge would have us believe so. (Feedback invited: [...])

John Eldredge's Wild at Heart is a runaway bestseller. Though it debuted in 2001, it still remains near the top of the list of Christian bestsellers and has sold over three million copies, no small feat for a title marketed primarily to Christians. Unfortunately, sales figures do not indicate which books are most faithful to Scripture (indeed, one could probably make an argument that sales figures are inversely proportional to theological faithfulness) and a large number of reviewers, myself included, have pointed out some troubling flaws with the book. In Fools Gold, edited by John MacArthur, Daniel Gillespie examined the book and nicely summarized the foremost problems with the book, suggesting it has: an insufficient view of Scripture; an inadequate picture of God; an incomplete portrait of Christ; and an inaccurate portrait of man. In short, the book was deeply flawed.

Though John Eldredge has written other books since Wild at Heart, none has been a true sequel to the bestseller. Or none has been a sequel until now with the upcoming release of The Way of the Wild Heart (due for release in October of 2006). In this book Eldredge says many of the same things he said in Wild at Heart, but offers more detailed and specific guidance. "This is a sort of sequel, a continuation of the journey, offering much more specific guidance. Those of you familiar with Wild at Heart will find many of its themes repeated here, which makes sense, for the masculine heart does not change."

The Way of the Wild Heart is subtitled "A Map for the Masculine Journey." Eldredge attempts to show men how they can proceed through life and how they can teach other men and boys to do the same. Masculinity is not something that simply happens, he argues, but something that is bestowed. A boy learns who he is and what he is made of from a man or from a company of men. Masculinity is not intrinsic. Unfortunately, men have abdicated this responsibility, leaving many boys and men unsure of who they are and who they are supposed to be. "What we have now is a world of uninitiated men. Partial men. Boys, mostly, walking around in men's bodies, with men's jobs and families, finances, and responsibilities. The passing on of masculinity was never completed, if it was begun at all. The boy was never taken through the process of masculine initiation. That's why most of us are Unfinished Men. And therefore unable to truly live as men in whatever life throws at us. And unable to pass on to our sons and daughters what they need to become whole and holy men and women themselves." He later says, "We need initiation. And, we need a Guide." So what does Eldredge propose? "What I am suggesting is that we reframe the way we look at our lives as men. And the way we look at our relationships with God. I also want to help you reframe the way you relate to other man, and especially you fathers who are wondering how to raise boys." Eldredge teaches that a man's life is a continual process of initiation as he progresses through the stages of life. He defines these stages as follows:

* Boyhood - Boyhood is a time of wonder and exploration. It is a time of doing what boys do and learning what boys learn. Above all, though, it is a time of being the Beloved Son, the apple of your father's eye.

* Cowboy - The Cowboy stage comes around the age of thirteen and runs into the late teens or early twenties. "It is the time of learning the lessons of the field, a time of great adventures and testing, and also a time for hard work." It is the time that a man answers the question Eldredge introduced as being the core Question to men: do I have what it takes?

* Warrior - In the late teens emerges the Warrior. This stage may last well into the thirties. "He heads off to law school or the mission field. He encounters evil face-to-face, and learns to defeat it." He learns the rigors of discipline and learns that he must live with courage.

* Lover - At some time he also becomes a Lover. The Lover comes to offer his strength to a woman, not to get it from her. In this time he discovers the Way of the Heart--"that poetry and passion are far more closer to the Truth than are mere reason and proposition He awakens to beauty, to life. He discovers music and literature; like the young David, he becomes a romantic and it takes his spiritual life to a whole new level."

* King - When service for God is overshadowed by intimacy with God a man is ready to be a King and to rule a kingdom. He will be tested and must prove himself able to meet this challenge.

* Sage - The Sage is the grey-haired father with a wealth of knowledge and experience, whose mission is to counsel others.

The book is framed around these stages, with each of them receiving a couple of chapters. In general the first chapter for each topic describes Eldredge's personal experiences, while the second tends towards the practical. As with Wild at Heart, the book is deeply personal, though this time Eldredge relays many experiences he has shared with his three sons. And also like Wild at Heart, there is much in this book that is both original and mighty strange. For example, Eldredge details the "vision quests" he has prepared for his sons--a year-long time of testing as they proceed from Boyhood to Cowboy. This is a time where the boys are apparently seeking the answer to the ultimate masculine Question (do I have what it takes?) and are still seeking to be the Beloved Son. And so, over the course of a year, he provides them with manly experiences and challenges them to seek after experiences with God. The year culminates with the presentation of a sword (a real, sharp sword) and a celebration of the boy.

Many reviewers commented on the mystical bent Eldredge displayed in Wild at Heart. This mysticism continues in The Way of the Wild Heart and may well be even more prominent. Coupled with some explicit affirmations of anti-intellectualism (rare is the mystic who can also embrace a logical, intellectual relationship with God) one begins to wonder he is almost losing touch with reality. Passages like the following are all too typical. "How has God been wooing you? What has stirred your heart over the years? God has been bringing hearts to me for a long, long time. It's one of our intimacies. He gave me a rock in the shape of a heart again yesterday, as a reminder. And as I was praying early this morning, I looked out my window and the cloud before me was in the shape of a heart. God has many such gifts for you, particular to you, and now that you have this stage of the Lover to watch for, eyes to look for the Romance, you'll begin to see them, too."

Another common concern with Wild at Heart was the fact that Eldredge often criticized fathers for their inadequacies. He goes further along that path in this book writing such blanket statements as "Most of our fathers are gone, or checked out, or uninitiated men themselves. There are a few men, a very few, who have fathers initiating them in substantive ways. Would that we all were so lucky." He continues to a discussion of "father wounds." "Whether through violence, or rejection, or passivity, or abandonment, most men did not receive the love and validation they needed as boys from their fathers." Most men, he says, carry do not feel that they have what it takes, and most men bear this wound because their fathers did not provide what was needed to answer it. This book continually criticizes and even belittles fathers with sweeping generalizations. While I will grant that Eldredge does this in an attempt to convince men to become better fathers, such statements are rash and often disrespectful.

I could go on, but I think it will suffice to say that almost every concern levelled at Wild at Heart and Eldredge's other books could also be made at The Way of the Wild Heart. It has the same inadequate view of Scripture, the same inadequate view of sin and the same emphasis on worldly therapy. It still argues from experience over Scripture, still twists Scripture to lead down all sorts of strange rabbit trails, and still draws as much (possibly even more) from film than from Scripture. I lost track of the number of movies quoted, but reached at least thirty-five, several of which were mentioned repeatedly, and one of which (The Kingdom of Heaven) was quoted in almost every chapter.

The Way of the Wild Heart really is more of the same. Those who were troubled by Wild at Heart will be equally troubled by this book. As for the millions who loved Wild at Heart, well, I can't help but think that the sheer weirdness of this book will drive many of them away. This book is a complete mess and it was a trial to read. At three hundred pages Eldredge says a lot, and yet it seems like he doesn't say much of anything. It is puff; it is filler; it is a near-complete waste of time. Avoid it.