Before I Die

I finished this book yesterday. I had tears flowing down my cheeks. It was just a book I had picked up at the library or the thrift store. Or so I thought. I was wrong. It is a tear-jerker but it is also a really well-written book. It is about a 16-year old girl dying of leukemia and trying to do all the things she's never done but wants to - before she dies. It is a YA book, I think, but it is one of those that crosses genres and age groups. It is real. It is open. It is a book I will never forget. Ever. Well done, Jenny Downham, very well done.

We know three pages into "Before I Die" that sixteen-year-old Tessa won't survive her leukemia--and that there's plenty she still wants from life. So she makes a list and vows to do everything on it before she dies.

Like most teenagers, Tessa is at odds with her parents and angsty about how life's shortchanged her. At first her ranting and left-field demands seem too adolescent. Isn't the looming presence of death supposed to mature her beyond her years?

But that's precisely the kind of "dying-young" trope that Downham admirably resists throughout the novel. Tessa burns up a maddening number of days moping when we think she should be fulfilling her dreams. She finally pushes herself to face facts: "I have two choices--stay wrapped in blankets and get on with dying, or get the list back together and get on with living."

Downham escapes the common shortcoming of many young adult novels in which the only character that ever really matters to us is the speaker. In this novel, Tessa's relationships are so dynamic that we ache with her at the thought of losing them. Throughout the book, their interactions thrum with tension and tenderness.

There's Cal, the tactless younger brother who helpfully explains the process of decomposition. And Zoe, the careless best friend who has her own troubles to wake her up to life. There's Dad in denial, determined to save Tessa through organic foods and fierce hugs. Mom, who cut out about the time of Tessa's diagnosis and who remains slightly outside of the helping circle (without becoming a monster). And there's Adam, the blessing of love and vulnerability that lands next door to Tessa at the crucial time.

And where a lesser writer might swill us readers around in dying-girl thought soup, Downham lets the telling detail speak for Tessa's feelings instead. Her anger comes to us through her as she gives herself points for the imagined deaths of healthy strangers: "One point for the lump on her neck, raw and pink as a crab's claw." We feel her hunger for life as she licks an ice-cream stick until "the wood rasps my tongue." We know her true well-wishes for those she loves as she dreams up a replacement for her boyfriend, a "girl with lovely curves and breath like oranges."

There's nothing treacly here. It's a brave, humanist novel, one that leaves the reader gulping the polluted, precious air of Tessa's world with a passion and astonishment almost as great as Tessa's. Downham earns for us the catharsis of the ending, for her characters come to take up real space in our hearts. Up until the last word, I think, we hope that Tessa will somehow, against all odds, keep breathing.

When she doesn't, we mourn for Tessa just as she wished: by remembering her.

I love her attention to details, the use of description and the way the story is told is heart warming, heart wrenching, and makes you feel as you are part of the story. When Tessas mother shares her memories throughout the book they are so colourful and vivid. This story is written not as a selfish teenager dying of cancer but as a young women destined to accomplish so many things that most people might not possibly even accomplish in their life time, however she is determined to finish her list on borrowed time.
I cannot express how wonderfully written this book is!
And make sure you have Kleenex handy or in a pinch a good hardy shirt sleeve!!

Before I Die follows Tessa's life for several months before her death from leukemia. But Before I Die is not about death. Neither is it about leukemia. Rather, Ms. Downham uses the framework of imminent demise to limn the value of an individual life. Ms. Downham seems committed to this value (the value of an individual life). She gives Adam and Tessa a beautiful love that time won't have much of chance to abrade. She allows Tessa to hold Zoey's baby (in a dream) even though Tessa dies before Lauren's birth. Even as death approaches, the author's love for her characters seems undeniable. "Number thirteen, to hold my brother as dusk settles on the window ledge."

But Before I Die follows Tessa's consciousness to the moment of death, and then ends precisely there. As a reader who has come to care deeply for the character, I say, "Wait. What happens?" (Personal extinction? reincarnation? enlightenment? coming home?) What happens at Tessa's death has a bearing on how one may view the value of an individual life. What happens at Tessa's death informs the story. Ms. Downham draws Tessa as a person of great value and then seems to say that what happens to the character doesn't matter. I was left grieving not for Tessa's death but for her being held by an author who seems to treat her arbitrarily.

Read this book to meet the characters (who are for the ages if indeed the ages deserve such goodness). Then think of examples of excellence in the genre. (Beat the Turtle Drum by Constance Greene or Bridge to Terabithia by Katherine Paterson.) Or imagine Before I Die ending with an illustration: a hand tentatively reaching to push open a gate. Continuance. An author's attitude toward her characters should be consistent. Tessa deserves not abandonment but a reverent touch.

Addendum, July 2013
No, you can't just tell whatever story you want.

A reader might object to the ending of Before I Die because the reader was unwilling to face certain, basic facts of human existence. However, even a person afraid to see might yet say something true. Therefore, if one wants to present oneself as a person concerned with what is true, one would want to be sure to speak to one's opponent's argument and not to one's opponent's character. My objection to Before I Die was that the apparent value of the story's characters isn't consistent with the point at which the story ends.

In storytelling, the creation of value comes with an obligation to create a structure within which value is possible. The conventions of storytelling are not the result of arbitrary choice. It is acceptable to bring a reader through a story in order to pull the rug from under the reader's feet but only if this is to make a point and:

(a) the point is being made by satire. (And remember that legitimate satire always has a moral center.) or

(b) what is under discussion is the nature of storytelling itself.

This is a stunning, remarkable, breathtaking novel, one of the best things I've ever read. And part of the beauty of it is that you don't just read it--you end up experiencing it in a powerful, visceral way. Years ago, I took a Literature for Young Adults course in college, and something the professor said never left me. He said if you read BRIDGE TO TERABITHIA and don't end up crying, you don't have a heart. The same can be said for this spectacular book. You'll cry plenty (if you possess the aforementioned heart), and crying over potential or imagined loss is one of the profound ways we connect as human beings. Despite the inherent sadness of the important subject matter, there are pockets of hope woven throughout, often where you'd least expect them. And despite the fact that the subject of death and dying can so easily be made maudlin or sentimental or cliche (after all, it's been done so much), Downham's approach is consistently fresh and innovative and new. Thank you for giving us this book, Ms. Downham. You have enriched the world of letters in an immeasurable way.

Tessa is a teenager who is terminally ill. She has a list of things she wants to do and experience before she dies. Personally, I found the chapters quite disjointed and at times did not feel that what was happening was believable. At times just as I was starting to connect on an emotional level with what was happening, the chapter would come to an abrupt end and then a new scene would commence the next chapter.Because of this, I found the writing to be superficial and lack depth. I also found the ending to be very abrupt, with me turning the page and expecting something more. I was expecting a lot more from this book!

When I started reading Before I Die, I was sitting in a book store, waiting for my mum to get out of an appointment and I realised that while I was reading it, I couldn't put it down. It had nothing to do with the writing or how captivating it was, but the mere fact that I wanted to see how it all ended for Tessa. I knew by the description and the category that it didn't have a positive ending, but I still wanted to know exactly what happened to end this book.

Upon finishing it, though, I have to admit that I am disappointed with having spent money on this book. The writing was poor, as was the characterisation. I expected for something to happen, anything, that would possibly make the book become a little better, but by the end of it all, even though it did upset me a little bit to read the ending, I found myself having a 'That was it?' moment with the novel once I had hit the last page. To me, the story didn't seem complete. The way that the author ended the book, while it did put the novel to rest, didn't quite hit the emotional factor that the reviews I had read about it insinuated.

Also, I was really rather disappointed with all of the characters other than Adam. The best thing about a novel is to see how a character grows and changes through the events that have happened to them, and I honestly feel like that didn't happen with anyone other than Adam. Tessa, while she accepted the fact that she was dying, seemed to say her whiny, inconsiderate self, and her best friend, Zoey, only seemed to get worse by the end of it. True, she did come to say goodbye to Tessa in the end, but she'd initially started with promising her dying best friend that she would be there to help her with her list and then managed to blow her off time and time again and then try and make Tessa feel bad for what she was doing to her.

Overall, the book was emotional and it was an adequate read, but it really wasn't something that I thought could grasp a captive audience. I had to stop reading this book multiple times because I just couldn't get into the emotions and writing that the author was trying to convey. It was a good book, but it wasn't anything spectacular.

Nearly a perfect debut novel. This book is worthy of every bit of praise it has received. Its few flaws are easily forgiven. My only disappointment was the familiarity of the Shawshank-Redemption-like "get busy living/get busy dying" callout the book designer put on the back cover, but I have to admit that in context it makes perfect, perfect sense. The author effectively expresses the near-meaninglessness of sex as a mere physical activity, and the entirely opposite experience of love expressed in a physically intimate relationship. These are just two of the things on Tessa's list. She's easy to believe, and by the time you're into this book a little way, you'll care about her and what she decides to do.

When I first started this book, I was fairly disappointed. I couldn't really connect with Tessa the way I wanted to; it was like I didn't care as much as I really wanted to. It was not until the middle of the book, particularly when she meets Adam, that it all kind of clicked. After the introduction of Adam, it was like all of the characters were more defined. At first, Zoey seemed like a brat, and it didn't seem as if her and Tessa had that strong of a relationship at all. Her family remained slightly elusive. However, towards the middle, you see that Zoey really does care about Tessa, and the roles of the caring father, the mother who is trying to gain admission back into her daughter's life after abandoning her, and the little brother who is trying to cope with this at a young age are more clearly defined. Being a teenager, it made me think about what I would put on my own list, and I disagree with those of you who criticize Tessa for having things like drugs and sex on her list. I think at that point, what would be the drawbacks of doing those things? Overall, I really liked this book, although it took me a while to get into it.

I really enjoyed this book. I came home and looked at my children and wondered what would they put on their "list?" I find nothing offensive as one review stated on this board. I did find the book very interesting , very human and it made me think what would be on MY "list?" The ending was beautiful as far as I am concerned. The book was constantly moving forward and in the end it just slowed down enough to let the reader pause for a moment and think. Hmmmmm.

Jenny Downham could not have known the effect her simple and sparse words could have on the unsuspecting reader. In a style not unlike Tove Jansson("The Summer Book"-a good start), Ms.Downham says so much without need of superfluous word waste. This book enraptured me and took my breath away. Indeed I longed to give Tessa the breaths I realized I was wasting and had to shake myself to remember Tessa isn't real. Ms.Downham ushers in so many issues of teenage reality with such acceptance that I reeled with trying to understand how my young daughter will soon enough face her choices. Young adults would, I believe, be able to accept this adult's version of their concerns as accurate and inspirational. And then there is the cancer. I would give this book to anyone facing disease threatened mortality. Tessa completely disproves Mr. Twain's utterances on "youth being wasted on the young" and reminds us all that life should not be wasted on the living. Though I still feel in mourning for Tessa, sympathy for her friends and family, I am inspired to anticipate Jenny Downham's next story with the assurance of reading a fantastic novel. Write on Ms. Downham!

Like Tim McGraw's song "Live like you were dying", this book is about affirming life while you let it go. It has many powerful passages that make it worth reading, but the haunting ending alone is worth the price of admission.

I cried buckets over this book and loved every minute of it. My own brother died of cancer when he was 23 and this book really helped me to understand what it was like in his final days and hours and brought back so many memories for me. It is now 10 years since he died and I am so glad I read this book, the writer is amazing in her knowledge of cancer sufferers and she described Tessa's death exactly as it was for my own brother. I hadn't really wanted to dwell on what my brother was thinking or going through before now but having read this book it has brought me the peace I have been yearning for all these years.

This book really touches your heart. A girl who ia destined to die shows fate that she will make the most of her life and live it out to the fullest. I had to read this book for school and it was very enjoyable. I have a new perspective on life now. It defientely touched my heart and I was crying before I was anywhere near the ending.

The beginning of this book does not seems to match the majority of the rest of the book. However, this is the only thing that bothered me about this book. It is very well written and I applaude the author. I would recommend this book for older teenages and adults. It has some more mature topics and "scenes" and it is not very appropriate for younger readers. My grandmother died a couple months ago after a 10 year battle with breact cancer that metastasized to her bones and Tessa's last few weeks mirror that of my grandmother. One second you can believe that you have a while before the end but the next second you might only have a few days. There was nothing else that the doctors could do to save either tessa or my grandmother and I feel that this book gives a realistic view of those that are dying and those people around them. This book is worth buying and reading. Good Job!

I admire so many things about this book: the bravery it took to write so unflinchingly about death; the character of Tessa, who is so wonderfully imperfect in her desires and actions; and the ferocious love of life that shouts and sings on every page. This is truly a book about living that makes you want to never have another numb moment.

aaarrghhmmm.....

I've just (3 months ago) been given a terminal diagnosis so I find myself casting around for anything that might echo my own feelings ... this doesn't do it. I'm older anyway, not a teenager, but the one thing that hasn't occurred is the urge to fill in the bucket list. All I seem to feel is an almost inert and complacent curiosity....

This was a wonderful, moving, and completely draining book. It'll pull you in and force you to connect to the main character. You'll end up hoping against hope that she has a happy ending and it'll kill you when she doesn't.

Keep tissues handy. You will be crying over this book.

After reading the reviews and all the hype, I could not wait to read this book. I am so sorry I wasted the time. This book is for 9th-12th grade? I would be upset if my kids read this book. Tessa is 16 and dying and because of that her parents let her do anything? This is such a bad book for kids making everything from sex to stealing and drugs sound like they are fine. The only person I ended up even having any feelings for were the Father and Tessa's little brother Cal. This book had little to do with cancer and dying and I did not feel the empathy I should have for Tessa. I am just sorry I wasted my time reading it. Save your time and money. A Walk to Remember is a much better story.

To appreciate this book you first must consider seriously your own mortality. I am not sure that a young person can do that. It sounds trite but it is true that a typical young person (under the age of 40) thinks that he/she would live forever.

I have known several young adults who have died from various forms of cancer---when you teach it is hard not to know these courageous young people. I have not known any young adult to make lists like have sex, do drugs and live with her boy-friend. Of course, there are all kinds of reactions to death breathing down your neck. The heroes I have known were caring about their families and how they would cope or greatly involved in their treatment. The subject of death is so poorly treated in our world. I had hoped that this book would deal with what death means to the cancer victim and family. This is just another running away from death book. The philosophy is " Grab for the gusto" and who cares what you fill your life with---just fill it.